Found out last night before work a dear friend whom Ive been out of contact with for a while died. Was going to message him and.. there was all this shit on his page 'In loving memory' ans such. I looked up his obituary because I didnt believe it. Last year he had just had a surgery to fix his colostomy, before that he had ruptured his intestine. Growing up he was like a brother to me, being the only child that I was. My dad was like a father to him aswell. He had a thing for me, and his mom was hoping Imarried him,y dad confided inme year amd years later. He had some form of autism (Im a magnet for crazy and the mentally ill) and she told my dad that he needed someone like me to take care of him. She was a buhddist back in those day and always said he had an old soul. He was very sensitive and got hurt easy. He died a virgin and the last conversation we had he mentioned being remorse over not staying in contact with me (it was my fault tbh) and that I would always be his sister he just wish there could have been more. He was openly jealous ofmy husband. He was agood guy and didnt deserve the shit lot life dealt him. inother news, my childmolesting, rapist Ex husband is saying hes going to take my baby- thats goingto happen over my cold dead body.
2015-12-05 at 4:28 AM UTC
in
Community Secret Santa 2015!
We doin' this shit or what?
I wish I could go back in time. I cant describe the joy working with horses brought me, even my farrier job, during the worst of it. I got kicked square in the chest once by a drafter, thrown back 15’, had the wind knocked out of me for the first time. Felt the adreneline kick in and I stumbled up. Had another time when I got bucked where I got knocked out but apprently rose and stumbled in the street where I passed out again. Woke up with my horse standing over me as a car was coming. Ive been rubbed up on fences, drug, stepped on, and hurt in so many ways, but despite all that I fucking loved it. My favorite quote actually comes from the kor'an. 'To conquer without a sword, to fly without wings' about horses. I miss so much riding everyday. My perfect job (disnt make much doing it though) was taking people on trail rides. Id be up by 5am everyday and out to the farm by 6:30-7 every morning and wouldnt get home most days til 7-8 sometimes later. It was a great time.
^ passive-agressive rage quit?
Just saw a pack of wild barefoot hippies walk by, must be a concert going on at the park and they are going to bathe, fuck and otherwise destroy the walmart bathrooms... the only excitment in this one horse town.
Well, got a ride and a babysitter. had to come in at 4 to turn in paperwork and my shift starts at 9, I'll be getting off work at 2am. Didn't have a ride to the house and back so I'm at the ToxicHell using their wifi.
I was thinking about something my dad told me. He would go to work his 16hour weekend shift at this laminent factory where they made laminent counter tops and shit like that. He worked there 16 years and said every night he would drive to work it would be like this: he would remember getting ready, Id be up with him getting ready to go to bed hanging out inthe bathroom with him while he put deoderant and shit and otherwise trying to ger ready with a toddler harassing him. Hed walk out the door, get in the car, turn the key, and he said thatd be it. Hed just wake up at work, never remembering the drive there. I had a similar thing happen to me when I worked the over night shift at walmart. I was ther 2 years and when I got my truck, I honestly couldnt remember driving there, ever. Anyone else have shit like this happen?
Well, that sucks. Its not in my sent folder either.. I know I hit post, and it did its thing like always so idk. Mike, Ive never, especially liked babies when they are young. Kids that piss me off are the ones old enough to have some sense, but dont. Ive seen over the years though its not always their fault. Most times its a neglectful parent who shows them just enough attention to keep them alive, but not enough to keep them mentally stimulated as to not annoy the fuck out of the rest of the world. When I was young my grandfather prided me for having manners, being able to speak on par with adults (atleast to some degree. I would introduce myself, put my hand out to shake a new persons hand, and sometimes ask stupid questions, but politely. I spoke in turn.) I put that on both my dad and grandfather for teaching me, for engaging me and expecting some level of manners and to ask questions. My dad was the sort of guy who beat the speed of light in my head really early: 186,000 mps. He always quizzed me on little facts like that.
2015-12-01 at 8:37 AM UTC
in
weird things you eat
The raw stuff is so much better. Ive had people who were lactose intolerant buy my cow and goat milk (only one couldnt handle the cow and did goat instead). Ive got my baby on goat milk Ive been buying from this lady. Its much better than formula and the closes thing you can get to breast milk. Ibe had people give me shit over him drinking it, but fuck people who dont know what they are talking about. People act like I do it to save money or some shit. I can get formula free from WIC and buy the rest with food stamps if I wanted to be a cheap ass. I do it because I want my baby to have the best and I feel guilty I couldnt breast feed him all the way through as I planned. People also seem to forget that umm.. breast milk isnt pasterized before baby eats it, so really wtf is the difference? Ive checked out the place and this lady runs a clean operation.
Malice, youd probably make a better parent then I am. I forget shit all the time. Just now when I went to make a bottle (I rotate so he always has a bottle ready to grab in the fridge so he has a bottle for right now) to thaw a gallon of his goat milk. Im going to set an alarm and leave it sit on the counter so itll thaw a little faster soI can make him a bottle in the morning, but god damn it.. fuck I hate forgetting important shit like this. i am afraid he will get hurt due to my forgetfulness. I DO however never leave him where he will fall or stick him in the playpen when Im busy doing shit and the dogs are locked up. While doing dishes, Ivenoticed hes gotten really good about crawling around. The dogs are intuitive enough to realize this and Ive noticed their laying habit change. Theyll move to the edge of the fotonmatress I have on the living room floor toprevent him from escaping to other parts of the house. Normally theyllsleep on the matress. Something small the dogs do like that really helpsme tremedously. Thats why Ive feared being alone raising this child. I forget shit and I do it alot. I never realize in the time it takes to wash a few dishes how far a baby can crawl.
2015-12-01 at 6:32 AM UTC
in
weird things you eat
Inused tomakemy own cheese, yogurt, ice cream, sour cream and butter from the raw unpasturized milk from our dairy cow and goats. Best fucking soft cheese ever. Best fucking butter, best yogurt... God Imiss having a dairy cow. Sorry not much other than that I can thinkof off the top of my head but thats something I loved to eat. Id make fomage blanc cheese, and put it on toasted tuna fish sandwiches with diced pickles. Thats the only cheese Id use. I stillmake tuna sandwhiches like that but since I dont have my good cheese leave that out.
I was thinking about over protectiveness in parents..while I was trimmimg goat and donkey hooves. These wealthy indians who look down on me, particularly thw wife and grandmother, the grandfather looks at me as ananomoly and you can see the disappointment in his eyes that his grandsons are so pussified and there is this woman who will wrestle this donkey and hisgrandsons arent so much as allowed to pet the goat through a fence for fear 'omg your going to break your arm!' (Seriously this happened). They cant pet a dog because their parents are frightened for them and they about shit their pants when my chow cross male dog, Fenian, leaped the fence and ran right over to my baby. Hes very protective of him. I think the wife did shit her pants honestly, she screamed 'omg get in the house boys!' He ran over sniffed his baby and sat there like a good boy. I dont understand their overbearing fear. My dad wasnt like that at all. I had my ear torn off and reattached as a child due to me being 5 and tormenting the dog we had and was warned multiple times to stop fucking with. He could have mauled and killed me, instead he just nipped but this dog had a powerful bite. He made mecome homeand feed himafter they sewed my ear back on because he was goingto be damned it I grew up scared of dogs. My dad when I came home fromtay with my grandmother after gettingriding lessonsfor afew months took me tothis horse riding farm he told them 'shes just been riding well schooled horses. I want to see the bad side of horses. Give her the nastiest horse you got.' This horse was a big grey quarter horse, 4 years green broke. He tried rubbing me off on the railz bolted with me and I grabbed him around the neck and drug him into the dirt. Before anyone could say anything, I already climbed back on him and continued riding. My dad wanted me to be tough and to take the good with the bad. He knew then Iwaspassionate about riding. When I was 6-10 he took me to play paintball sometimes. Of course he made me wear googles because he didnt want me to get seriously hurt, but I came home with huge welting bruises from the shit sometimes. I had fun. Igot hurt, but I Brushed it off and kept on going. He did accomplish making me tough and notsome dainty flowery pussy child. I plan to do the same with my child. I want him to be tough and see the world for what it truely is good and bad. Sure, Ill protect him from real danger, but Im not going to protect him from bruises thatll heal in time when the lesson is much more important than that and like many of the lessons my father taught me, will stick with him for life.
You know, I never liked most kids either. There was this one little boy who Id see in town with his mom. He was a fat little mexican kid. He was SO fucking polite. He would open doors for people, ma'am and sir, be very respectful, help people.. and this was a 5 year old. I never saw a kid I liked until I saw him. he was just aperfect child, fat, happy, and the manners that rivaled those much much older than him. I lile my child as it is now. Hes agood baby and I hope he is like that fat mexican kid when he is older. my baby wants to he held, fed, or changed and thats the only reason he cries. Being nonverable atm, thats his only way to tell anyone what he wants so you cant fault him for it. He cries way less than most babies. Hes babbling a lot now. Almost saying words.. its cute, and I like to sit and talk back to him. He is a good baby as far as babies go. In the car he never even makes a peep. When out hes just looking around soaking in everything. Im grateful I have a baby like this. A normal baby would have me already hung in the garage.
Id probably let you interact with my child, Malice. Im only fearful of the people whove given me just cause to be fearful of them. Id rathermy child have someone like you interactimg with them in their life than lots of people I know. Id prefer you over someone whod want to beat religion and god into their head than you. Youre a better person than you give yourself credit for. Having said that, if someone did hurt my child, it be a fucking witch hunt and Id make german scientists from wwII look like kind hearted humanitarians after I was done with the offender. Im not talk accidents either, shit happens, Id probably be pissed for the moment if my child say fell and broke their arm, and it was a legit accident that happened, but I wouldnt bring the forces of evil down upon them. Now they hurt my child with intent.. hell would stand in amazement at the shit I am capable of doing.
I agree with you on the alcohol prohibition shit, mike. the same is for any drug really. If they are gonna shoot dope,nolaw, no jail term,no probation ,no person is goingto stop them. people will find a way, fuck, I did enough times and drove crazy distances out of my way to get my shit. As for the checking out bit, its the only hickup in my plan. Even now finding somehwhere he will be safe snd loved.. there is still doubt, still worry.. still a desire for him to grow uplike I did and instill in him all I know, to push himto so something great in his life.. to be better than I am.at the same time I wonder and think he would be better off without me in some other life, some other family. I honestly dont know if I can hand him over and I feel selfish for that. on the other hand if I do, there will be nothing stopping me. I have amillion 'what ifs..' running through my head about giving him up. I love this child, Id kill for this child, fuck, Id steal for this child and suck dick for this child. Im not a thief and have no desire to be a whore, but if it made a better life for him, I would. The reason I dont steal now is A.) If I were caught Id lose him. B.) Its out side my character todo that. Id do it as a last resort though. I never thought I could love someone so much as I love this baby and he has changed me in ways I didnt know were possible. I wish it werent so complicated as this. I wish it werent so hard to decide on this, but whatever I do, I want to do it for his best interest and makesure he has the life and love he deserves. I know I can give him the love he deserves- but I dont know about the life. I wish somuch things were different and I couldmake shit work better for everyone.
My dad told me a story of a similar encounter as a teen. They roll up while hes walking down this lonely road to get to his friends house way out in the country. they pull up, throw beer bottles, he grab a big rockand bust their back window out. On the way home he knows they are gonna be out for blood and its late, so he cuts through thebjunl yard and gets to the woods on the other side. He gets grabbed by this tall lanky figure whoisstrong as fuck. Being built pretty bigand strong himself a burst of adrenaline frees him ans he runs for his life bouncing off trees with this guy hot on his ass. He gets to this revine that only the tallest and lankiest ofhis friends can jump, but he goes for it and makes it which the other guy notknowing the terrian as well as him had to go down the revine and back up leading to his escape. He toldmehe ran until he gotto the backofhis other buddies house who had like 30 hunting dogs. Oddly enough about that timehe had dogs found killed when they got lose and a few weeks after this the resturant down the road where a server had been missing was found a few miles on the other side of the road in the area dead, stuffed into a well. They guy they pinned it on was a tall, lanky deaf, mute who fit the description of they guy who was chasing him through those woods.
2015-11-30 at 11:39 PM UTC
in
who's up for some shenanigans?
I was going to say 'shenanigans' reminded me of Super Troopers. Anyway, I am a noob posting from a shitty cellphone, I am no good to you. Though I am a lvl 17 cleric and could caste spells of luck and increases treasure finds +5 or a duration of 45 minutes. I dont see where my spells of stonewall would help here, but I could caste that too. You might walk away with super awesome data with my spell to increase luck and treasure finds. It might even be the holy grail of loli porn. You could really use a cleric like me in your party of 'shenanigan' doing cocksuckers. Anyway, Good luck.
Lanny I sent you a PM just now. As for the winter Iam torn. I likeit because its not so hot and on cold crisp nights the stars are fantastic to gaze at. On the other hand, its cold AND humid which makes my arthritis worse. It never snows (ornthebrare times it has, its not enough) so I couldnt even take my son sleighriding or build an egloo like I could in MD when it wouldsnow. Also, the day light thing... idk. Sometimes its nice when yiubhave someone to snuggle up with on cold dark nights but Im alone now and just havr the animals. Idk.. Ilike it in a way but insomeways I hate it and long for spring/summer.. then when its summer I long for winter, go figure.
