Wing ofLife.best shit ever on moooshrooms. that fuckingflower said all sorts of shit I didnt see while watching sober.
I recieved your pm, Malice. Sent and email and a pm just now. I might bitch alot but I do appreciate you Lanny for taking timeout of your yuppie life to give us somewhere to have rere thread. I enjoy debating with you, though I get the impression youve had a sheltered life and not seen a whole lot of real life shit (related toour debate, Im sure youve seen alot in many other given areas of life, soIm not try to lookdown, rather say we have different persectives relative to our positions we had on our different life paths). My life may be fucked up, but I can say I am fortunate (depending on how you look at it) tohave seen such a broad spectum of life and have got to experience somuch.
I had a strange thing happen. Literally as I posted that, I got a call from this guy whos been buying the kpins and we used to go over and smoke pot with him and his son (hes like my dads age, has a wife and 4 kids ages 9, 20, 23 and 25) we had done mushrooms with him one time a few months back too. Anyway, he says it sounds like I was crying (I was but Im pretty good at fooling others when I care to and it wasnt like I was blubbering) I say no, he tells me to put on something nice l, get the baby ready and hes gonna be over in like a half hour. He wouldnt take no for an answer. He comes over with his wife, his 9 yo, and his dad who is visiting with a tray (those aluminumfoil turkey pan trays) full of barbq chickenand cornbread and takes us to this place where this lady sets up christmas lights and allows people for free to walk around her acre yard full of lights and decorations and there is a light show that is syncronysed to music. The baby really liked it, it was nice and really fucking unexpected. Im sure he did it as a ruse to grab some kpins off me though, but it was a nice couple hours out. Hiswife insisted on holding the baby most the time so that was a nice break in and ofits self. I appreciate your words, Malice. Just everything seems so impossible with a whole other life depending on just you. Ive found an avenue where he will be safe, cared for and probably better off without me atleast in the long run. I feel very confused about it all, but I just think it would be the better outcome for him and myself. I wouldfeel so guilty for nottaking my responsibility to him and these dogs that exiting the living world seems to bemy only option. you wanna make a email account I can shoot you an email to, malice? Since the PMs arent working.
Well, Ive got someone lined up for my son, so I should be checking out before too much longer. I think itll be the best for him and the people I did care about in my life, they dont want me in their lives anyway so its not going to be some tramtic thing. My son will be spared knowing me or remembering me so all will be well. Im kind of excited. The pain will stop and those thoughts that penetrate my mind will nolonger be a thought, rather action. When my dad was alive, we had a psychic connection or some shit. We could read each others thoughts and often would randomly blurt the others thoughts while driving and such. At times it was kinda weird. I remember when he died, sitting there is tears hearing his voice in my head saying "woah.. wtf is this shit, holy fuck where am I? Whats that?.." and I had felt his voice slip from my mind, more like rip away.. later on on I heard his voice intrude my mind again (most likely made up from memories of him saying his final farewells to me the many times he did.. he was prepared to die when he finally went, I was expecting it for a long time) "sweetie, you knew this had to happen.. I got so much to explore and God to shoot in the face" and every blue moon I hear his words especially when I was in distress, an example was when my son was really sick throwing up and I paniced and was terrified. I kept worrying he was going to die. What stopped me from freaking out and calling an ambulance was him saying "sweetie, hes a baby and never known pain before now, hes never had a fever before, hes never been sick, thats why hes acting worse than he is- hes over reacting and cry and screaming just like youre worrying because hes never known sick before". the strange part is how his voice just intrudes in my head like it does, it interupts other thoughts and stopsme in my tracks. I miss my father... he always said I was his best friend and the last talk we had just bullshitting he said "Im going to miss this, I wish we had more times like this because I cherish these conversations." That was a day or two before he passed. my mother was jealous of our relationshipnd said we acted like a married couple. The only reason I didnt follow my dad into the night was because I was 6months pregnant. Ive sat here with a gun to my head and heard his voice intrude before "Ive put up with your ass for 18 years protecting you from the whore, youve got to do the same thing for your baby". Well, hes going to be protected from the people in my family now. Its a relief almost.
2015-11-29 at 3:54 AM UTC
in
Community Secret Santa 2015!
I probably can pull something out of my ass. Its just the baby and me this year and he isnt old enough to really buy shit he is going to appreciate yet. Cant promise Ill send anything grand but Ill send something.
Lanny, firsted Id like to say, thank you for your argument. Ive been under an incredible amount of stress lately and youve offered me a small measure of a distraction with something I am passionate about. About the antibiotics. Honestly, IMO, how many people actually abuse antibiotics? Few if any. The people who use them stupidly (i.e. have a script and dont finish and later 'pop' one for a cold) are fuckimg ignorant of how antibiotics work. Weve created a society dependent on 'doctor knows best' but when he prescribes me say bactrim for a infected wound or other illness, unless he does a culture to deptermine what it is or just if its gram neg. Or pos. He is taking just as good a guess as Iam with determining the correct choice in antibiotics. I have NEVER had a doctor write me antibiotics after doing any of that. If the first one doesnt work, they write another. So that could determine if I use say bactrim which is a duel purpose or clydamycin which is good for is good for oneor the other (my.mind isnt working but I have this shit wrote down somewhere because I take antibiotics seriously- I believe its gram pos. Though). As for backyard farmers, I know this doesnt effect the major population but this effects poor people raising their own meat who unless indicated arent going to use antibiotics because first they cost more, second, they arent raising their animals under the same conditions as feed lots whichost the time, they wont need to use any at all. 10$ worth of antibiotics could save a family a years worth of meat though. Why shouldnt they have to be put under the gun as the big boys? First, they in general dont use them like the bigboys. Most back yarders are trying to raise their animalsas natural as possible to avoid meat tainted with antibiotics at the store. As for the drugs. Lookat portugal. They decriminalized and their hep c and hiv had gone WAAAY the fuck down and they at the time were really bad in terms of the cases of hep c in particular. I dont believe there would be more addiction. An addict will find a way if illegal or not and it costa us more interms of healthcare dealing with an addict lile isnow verses where they have access and affordability to clean needles and cheap drugs. Crime for one is another, sustaining an addiction paying $25 a pill for something that costs pennys at the pharmacy would cut the crime out. Portugal hasnt seen an increase in addiction. People are going to do what they are going to do, atleast allow them to doit safe as possible without a fucked up price jump to boot. my dad new many junkies who held jobs (manual labor where you get busted up from work. Your either ajunkie or an alcoholic because in this day in age getting a doctor to treat pain is like asking them tosuck your dick, it doesnt happen). I believe the access would also be reduced to the youth as well.a drug dealer doesnt care how old you are, but a pharmacist will. Also you wouldnt have all this cartel and gang violence that is fueled by drugs. I dont believe big brother knows best. I beliebe big brother wants tomake money bring srugs in, locking away our citizens, keeping themon probabtion and able to holdjobs due torugfelonies and incarcerations all in the name of lining the pockets of a select few and damning the rest.
I think honestly the problem is in the food industry more than anywhere else. I dont think we should be using them in commercial feed lots evwn if it means higher price for beef and chicken. Passing regulations on that shouldnt effect the backyard farmer who honestly is only going to use antibiotics on an as needed basis. In areas like mine where its near impossible to find a cow vet (the one my friend had worked at major dairys all over the state and often just called her in shit over the phone for shit thst was rx only because he was so busy) and when you can find a vet, they charge out the ass. We all know where the bulk of the problem is and it would be easier to regulate them without punishing people likeBlah and me. When I said 'deal with the consquences' I wasnt meaning antibiotics, you have an argument there but lile I said above.Im talking other drugs like opiates. If a nigger is stupid enough to snort 5 oxycontin 160 and dies well.. he know what the fuck he was doing or should have. Im not saying there should be nodrug regulation, a personshouldknow waht they are buy is infact that and with reason (within its own chemical make up) safe. People die all the time from not knowing the purity or it being cut with god knows what. Thats the danger of street drugs especially opiates. If I can go to the pharm and buy my shit I know what I am buying X at X strength. If I take toomuch well, thats my own stupidity and nobody should suffer but me. Its like a hold harmless agreement with horses. I sign it to waive the right that ifI get hurt on your horse 'due to the nature of riding and umpredicability of horses in general' that I cant sue for damages, but if you stick me on an animal you know is dangerous or have faulty equipment and I get hurt, that waiver is useless to protect you (FL law here, alot of states are even more anal over it).
Antibiotic resistance is happening now. Also, any antibiotic you name I can source without a script for animal use. How do you think I have 100ct of bactrim (fish forte), eyrthromycin, and cipro? Nothing I have is illegal, its all under 'for animal use only' but its the same she we use. Also, if more people were educated to antibiotic use it probably wouldnt be an issue. Frankly, we need new shit as its stands because the food industry (you know the anibiotics feds to cows and poultry) and doctors over prescribing. Also, I believe that if you buy shit and do something stupid or 'off label' with it, you should dealwith the consquences your self. Im all for signing a liability waiver to purchase my drugs of choice.
Ive always wanted to live in myanmar. Its supposed to be a pretty friendly place. There was this pair of idiots my dad used to watch on youtube all the time and once they went there. they did everything ass backwards but sooo many people helped them out of a bind and even refused their money when they tried to give it to them and these were poor fucking people. Mainly though, Id live anywhere heroin is $2 a gram. i was reading an article about these people carrying cocaine out of the vraem. Its sad. So fucking sad all this shit is caused by someone who wants to criminalize (mind I said criminalize and not stop) you or me from partaking of a particular substance, from a particular plant. All this bullshit for nothing, well, thats a lie, its for something, to line the pockets of the already wealthy who only get wealthier by prohibiting substance x, y and z. I hope I live to see the day when I can go to the pharmacy without a script and buy whatever the fuck I want. I probably wont though. I can still hope though.
I guess one thing I got going for me that makesme feel less lonely is I got a pack of dogs piled on, under, and around me. Having so many animals is challenging, but atleast I always have someone to talk to.. they are good pups for the most part. If I could just keep themfrom running off and 'protecting me' from the assholes next door. They definetly do a goood job of keeping my son and me warm, these nights that seem to be getting colder. Nothing like having a dog snout resting on your shoulder, 3 dogs under the covers on and by your feet and the rest piled up somewhere around you. I honestly have no fear of intruders lol that always makes me laugh tothink about someone being so stupid as to enter my home uninvited.
Shit, nigga, I wouldnt be upset if someone sent me drugs ,though I dont use benzos, Id still be appreciative regardless. I now know how my dad felt when he was raising me, through all his health problems/the cunt of a wife he had. Im not lucky enough to just keel over dead either. My luck is so bad, its been the one reason using the gun to blow my brains out has kept me from it. I figured if I did go out through way of a bullet, Imight go for arotic artery just bleed out. I believe I have a thorasic aortic anyerism anyway (doctor palpated my abdomen years ago and was really concerned and toldme in his years of experience being an old school jedi doctor, he was going to bet the farm that was what it was, though I have yet to get it diagnosed, wont do anything if it is anyway) thats why I was self medicating with propranolol and now finally got my own script. I really only take it because it makes my chest pain go away, I could give two shits about it helping my anyerism not go pop. fuck my luck. I wouldnt intentionally die until I set my little one up with a better life though. I feelsosorry I brought him into such a loveless world contrary to what I was hoping and expecting from other people. Sometimes I think of doing it now rather than wait til later. He wont remember me and itll beless tramatic than beimg old enough to know your parent, and years later be told they are dead because theykilled themselves. I wont though, I am the only person on this planet who truely loves and cares for him. He has no other family but me. His father (on the BC) doesnt give a fuck about him and the biofather, well... I honestly dont know what his positon is, but hes done more for him than the father that begged and pleaded to have a child with me. His greatgrandmother is batshit, his grandmother willnever, solong as I live see him because shes a cunt-devil who will hurt him and his grandfather is dead. Im an only child so he has no aunts or uncles. I dont even talk to any of my relatives on either side. They are all pieces of shit anyway. His fathers (My ex) family is full of sexual abusers and other leeching pieces of shit.. Id prefer he have nothing to do with any of them and Id never ever let any of them have him away from me, I have zero trust for those assholes. Meh, its depressing thinking about. Hopefully he understands why I protected him from such shitbags when he is older.
Spent all day looking for my farrier tools that sack of shit left laying around. If there is one thing that pissed me and my father off about that lazy fuck it would have been the few times he would pick up a tool, he couldnt put it back where it belongs. Motherfucker left all sorts of shit in the yard to rust and be rained on, and then hed bitch because we didnt have the shit to use. God, I pray every night that faggot catches fire or kills himself. the only person who I have more hatred for is my mother and tbh.. its a close call on who deserves to suffer more. Frankly, I am so depressed and fed up with shit I hope everyday my heart gives out and I keel over dead excwpt I wouldnt want to leave my baby in a fucked up situation as that. I wonder how long it would be before I were found dead. Hopefully not too long, for my child's sake.
Tomorrow I have a job to trim the neighbor's donkey's hooves and they have 3 goats Im gonna trim up as well. This is gonna be fun. Well, at least Illmake 25$. Hope this donkey knows how to pick up his feet. Nothing like trying to train an adult animal to do something they should have learned from a baby. Gonna take an extra heavy duty dose of T-PAIN before I walk down there. My leg has been hurting bad, I had a dog bite me while back while breaking up a dog fight and it got infected (remember mesaying I had a good stockpile of drugs, bactrim, erythromycin and cipro are among them). Not to mention my back has been fucking killing me. God, how I wish I had a real opiate that would do something for this pain.
Why not an enduro? personally, if I was going to have a bike, thatd be my choice. What you have may be comfortable, but an enduro would offer alot more flexability and being the nature freak I am, thats why Id have gone that way. Thats why I had a clydesdale a long time ago, there wasnt too many places I couldnt go and see cool shit.
What out, niggas! Im a vengeful bitch, I might send you drugs in the mail!
Thats what I sent them as, a caring gesture. I dont understand it either. I simply messaged them to let them know to expect a letter in the mail and Im accused of 'doing it for revenge'. If I was going to do it to get someone in trouble (which never would I do something like this, especially regarding drugs- the whole prohibition of drugs is bullshit and no way, even if I despised a person am I going to seek my revenge through that avenue and feed the screwed up system more), why would I say 'hey, nigga, you got a letter coming' wouldnt I NOT tell them if I intended for some way to get them in trouble? I guess it doesnt matter, Ive tried to be a good friend, took all sorts of bullshit from them that was hurtful and still, knowing they are having mental problems tried to do something to bring someone suffering a small measure of relief and no matter what I do, I am the bad guy. Damned if I do, damned if I dont. Paranoid schizophrenia is a terrible thing. Meh, I know I did right/a good gesture and if they cant figure that out, then thats their loss. I guess I just posted because I really needed some validation that I didnt do something wrong. Ive sent them shit before this too, and all was well with that. I dont understand the big deal.
2015-11-27 at 8:09 PM UTC
in
fuck muslims
Personally, I take a stance of NOT fucking muslims. I dont want sand in my cunt. For real though, I have to agree with Spectral here, at least for the most part.
If someone sent you a few kpins knowing you are paranoid, stressed and having anxiety.. would you think it was revenge? I mean sure, if a nigga sent you a gram of powder benzo of anykind that may be a form of revenge, but we are talking a few pills here. I cant win for losing. No matter what I do I fuck up. No good deed goes unpunished, as my dad always said.
LANNY! please fix the PMs. This is annoying as fuck.
I really feel like giving up. I recall you mentioning for a while now that youve felt terminal. I think, to some degree, I can appreciate that feeling. Ive always felt that shit wouldnt work the way it was supposed to. An example of this was going to a recital when I was in elemetary school, it was held at the highschool. My mother said "when your older youll be graduating highschool here" I think I was 7 years old or so, and something deep resinated with me that, no, despite at the time every sign pointed to that being the case, it wasnt going to happen and I had no explanation for that feeling- during that time my father was working/hadnt got hurt yet, was on good drugs, shit, while not being perfect wasnt out of control and I dare say, somewhat normal). I feel that way about my future. I feel I am going to die young. I feel my days are numbered and have for a while now. Ive also, even that early in years never seemed to be on the same page as my peers. The school therapist once mentioned that I could speak well enough with adults, but struggled to fit in with kids my age. As Ive gotten older I realize I can put up one hell of a front when it comes to social interaction, but thats not me, thats me prentending I give a fuck or I need something out of it (i.e. when I was a server, when I call and deal with people on the phone for whatever reason like for insurance or to set up appointments). I dont usually show my true colors to most people because I learned long ago most people will shun me. I honestly dont wish to engage with most people. Ive never posted anywhere else with any regularity. When I was a preteen/early teen I used to talk with people in chatrooms and what have you. I made a few close friendships I followed for years and one which I still have kind of. We met IRL and her family has a lot of influence. In truth I dont consider her a friend, mainly a source of entertainment because its ridiculous who who family is and how retarded she is. Ive seen it with her, unmasking myself, she has recoiled, though she is so self centered she quickly forgets. I dont even like talking to her honestly.. I dont like to engage with people like that and not be genuine. Mainly she has been calling me a lot and Ive been really lonely so I humor her and myself. One reason I feel so isolated is, how many people are worth the trouble of knowing... and people a lot of times dont care on the level I invest in when I do open up and have someone grow on me. I have a lot of faults, but my dad did always say it was a shame how some people treated me who were supposed to be my friend. He used to say I was one hell of a friend when it did come down to me taking them in under my umbrella of caring. Often times people take advantage of that or think there is an ulterior motive behind my behavior when I accept people. There isnt. I just find so few people worth the effort that when I do give a fuck about someone, I put all of myself into it. I ama person with a mountain of love togive, too few people togive it to and littleif no loved returned. My dogs are my source of love and affection, which I guess is better than nothing.
