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The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
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2015-12-03 at 6:14 AM UTChttp://i.imgur.com/WqKgWYx.gifv
Imagine having this running on loop, slowed down, on a cheap battery operated flat screen that could play video from a memory card or internal memory w/ USB connection, placed on the wall of a pre-school or kindergarten, whatever age group would be most traumatized by it. -
2015-12-03 at 7:27 AM UTCHow I feel before being about to finally admit everything to a psychiatrist/therapist.
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2015-12-03 at 8:12 AM UTCIf anyone wasn't aware already, I'm still alive alive have a good amount of clean time. I know a lot of you still here hated me for no good reason. and don't give a shit. Whatever, I won't be a regular here anymore, or the main boards or TC. It is nice to listen to and participle in non "PC" conversations and not have to worry about what family/friends thinks.
Again, I'm sure a few of you couldn't care less, but I've never hated anybody (except maybe zenith or PC) so I don't wish ill on anyone. -
2015-12-03 at 8:22 AM UTC^ passive-agressive rage quit?
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2015-12-03 at 8:52 AM UTCI thought I was joining? How can I quit what I've never joined?
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2015-12-03 at 10:18 AM UTC
If anyone wasn't aware already, I'm still alive alive have a good amount of clean time. I know a lot of you still here hated me for no good reason. and don't give a shit. Whatever, I won't be a regular here anymore, or the main boards or TC. It is nice to listen to and participle in non "PC" conversations and not have to worry about what family/friends thinks.
Again, I'm sure a few of you couldn't care less, but I've never hated anybody (except maybe zenith or PC) so I don't wish ill on anyone.
I've never hated you, although you seemed to think I did and were abrasive towards me, but I acted that way with everyone.
Is it true that you ended up losing your arm? Privacy Cunt mentioned this on TinyChat. She also said that your facebook page was the saddest thing she has ever seen and was full of AA quotes, May have been someone else that said something too, I can't remember all the details, but it was good gossip. -
2015-12-04 at 3:26 AM UTCStill have both arms, though my first stroke left my right arm impaired. Getting better all the time but may never be the same again.I was posting some NA quotes on in a while. I
m far from some zombie, in face I haven't even been to a meeting in about 4 months, but there is some helpful tools that you learn. PC's damage is that I'm trying to make something of myself and she's still just the same, fat, ugly, non working, disgusting apt living, bf of a pedophile. -
2015-12-04 at 5:55 AM UTCYou should definitely look into nootropics. There are some genuinely promising options. As with many things, there are two markets, one for stupid people that are sold overpriced items of questionable efficacy, and one for the people who have done their research and know what they want. I'm sure they already have threads on recommendations for stroke recovery/brain damage.
https://www.reddit.com/r/nootropics/
www.longecity.org/forum/ -
2015-12-04 at 6:20 AM UTCI need some shelves so I googled some DIY stuff and started putting together a list of things I'd need, then a few minutes ago I realize that A) I don't know how the fuck to use hand tools am more likely to injure myself than end up with a usable piece of furniture and B) I've wasted like twice the price of a cheap shelving unit in wage-equivalent time before I've even bought supplies. Still might do it because projects are fun and picking up new skills seems like something worth doing but jesus the economic prospects of DIY stuff are kinda funcking grim.
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2015-12-04 at 9:41 AM UTC
I thought I was joining? How can I quit what I've never joined?
You said that you werent going to be a regular anymore.. Im confused now.. anyway, whatever, I hope youre doing well and continue along that path. Ive never had anything against you. -
2015-12-04 at 9:45 AM UTCPower tools are fucking scary. No shame in paying proles to do it for you, that's what they're for. I mean, am I right? *sips expensive bourbon in front of 20K worth of electronics*
I've had so many cool DIY ideas, though. I should have kept a record of my best ideas/thoughts in general. I mean I'm currently ___ (depressed, anergic, anhedonic, lost interest/given up on life) the way I am, but someone could possibly have put them to good use. A highly automated home to save time on mundane/menial tasks would be cool.
For example, I posted something close to this before except without the mechanical modification, imagine making one of these with a cover that automatically retracts (rolls up) and extends with the push of a button or something, maybe folds up in a way that water dripping isn't an issue. Especially if you lived in a place where it rains more:
With this graphic printed on the back, or whatever method would be best to use, I have no experience with art:
Oh god, why did I end up this way? There could have been so much I could have done... -
2015-12-04 at 10:31 AM UTCI wonder if there's been any research to determine whether there's a correlation between hip size and desire for children among women. It's a theory I have, primed by a few observations (primed, not solely based on). It definitely effects fertility, and desire could be linked to the biological basis for both. Hip to waist ratio, attractiveness, femininity. There's bound to be hormonal correlations, I'm sure that's already been proven, it's not a stretch to think they would influence the desire as well, or even indirectly have a psychological skewing effect.
As I've mentioned before, the topic of children, particularly women and children, is profoundly depressing in a way. Christ, all this shit I think about, the overwhelming and insurmountable problems of the world, it's going to make my brain explode one day.
You really should do a search on this and skim through whatever looks interesting. It really is depressing, what people are doing to themselves, how it robs them of potential they could have had, how poorly thought out the decision usually is, driven my emotion and instinct, or occurring by accident. Some people really are happy, though, and it's a good decision for them, but you can't guarantee how your child will turn out and genes do matter immensely, you really can do everything right and still have them come out a massive pain in the ass heart wrenching fuckup. -
2015-12-04 at 11:34 AM UTC*sobbing, while clinging to therapist's skirt* "Guhuhuhu, momma, I don't wanna die!"
Lanny, when you're older, you're going to be confronted by this, and if you don't run or turn away, if you fully face and delve into it, aren't or don't seek distraction in your daily life, from your career, hobbies, entertainment, relations etc. you may come to see the terrifying ugliness and inadequacy of the world. For example, you're very biased and resistant toward this idea, but you may find just how hard it is to find a woman you can truly consider an equal. I suppose it depends on what you want, but can you really imagine spending the rest of your life with someone that doesn't meet certain standards, that doesn't share certain interests, isn't capable or interested in having genuine (not illusory) deep conversations on complex and important, meaningful, matters? That doesn't adhere to an acceptable level of rationality and emotional control? Don't you see something profoundly wrong and terrifying with that idea? You should look into the neurology of love, it really is usually like a momentary lapse of reason, a mental illness; the reasons behind it are rarely particularly good, areas of the brain related to finding fault in things actually become inactive, or at least far less active, generally. You're already of being confronted by the finality of death, possibly questions about the (subjective) meaning, significance, of life.
The world is so fucked up. Only a child would think that an amoral evolutionary process, unguided, unplanned, by any intelligent force, would lead to an ideal world rather than one in which you're largely trapped in a biological reality through no choice of your own, struggling with questions on whether to accept what your nature has given you and yearning to break free.
Etizolam tints my world, keeps me safe from my troubles and pain. Etizolam keeps away the bad thoughts, takes away the pain. I wonder if this is why poor Casper became a heroin addict, used it for so long and to such an extent, his poor large heart just couldn't bear the pain of the world, of reality and existence, the inadequacy of it all. -
2015-12-04 at 12:09 PM UTCLove dat moment when you check your bank to see how poor you are and instead have $200+ in there, for some unexplainable reason. Ah who am I to question why there's suddenly money in my account *treats himself to vodka and whiskey*
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2015-12-04 at 3:30 PM UTCLove dat moment when you drink ~80mg morphine whilst already buzzed from the vodka.
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2015-12-04 at 3:31 PM UTCOk my life is going in the right direction. I mean, if you don't count the minor alcohol and drug addiction. But I've met a good girl, so everything's sound.
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2015-12-04 at 6:46 PM UTC
Love dat moment when you check your bank to see how poor you are and instead have $200+ in there, for some unexplainable reason. Ah who am I to question why there's suddenly money in my account *treats himself to vodka and whiskey*
mate thats only like 50 quid -
2015-12-04 at 10:13 PM UTCYea but 50 quid I shouldn't or dont know where it came from ;)
And nah 150 anyway. Still watch the PL? Gwan Leicester. -
2015-12-05 at 12:49 AM UTCChrist there are a lot of therapists/psychologists/counselors/psychiatrists in the bay area. Makes it such a pain to choose the right one, particularly when you're such an atypical trainwreck like me.
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2015-12-05 at 3:30 AM UTC
Lanny, when you're older, you're going to be confronted by this, and if you don't run or turn away, if you fully face and delve into it, aren't or don't seek distraction in your daily life, from your career, hobbies, entertainment, relations etc. you may come to see the terrifying ugliness and inadequacy of the world.
I mean if you write off as a distraction everything that gives life meaning (a distraction from what exactly?) then sure, you'll find life is inadequate by design. Sure, there's all kinds of things wrong with the world and I have no intention of trivializing them. I don't think we have a meaningful calculus of the world being better or worse than some sufficiency condition, but I would even be willing to entertain the idea that the bad outweighs good in a final reckoning. But I don't think that's sufficient to call it inadequate. You have to start from somewhere. Think about how much less-shit the world is today than it was couple thousand years ago, and the only reason for that is human effort and we're only getting better at changing the world. I can deal with a world filled with wrongs as long as there's a means to set them right.For example, you're very biased and resistant toward this idea, but you may find just how hard it is to find a woman you can truly consider an equal. I suppose it depends on what you want, but can you really imagine spending the rest of your life with someone that doesn't meet certain standards, that doesn't share certain interests, isn't capable or interested in having genuine (not illusory) deep conversations on complex and important, meaningful, matters? That doesn't adhere to an acceptable level of rationality and emotional control? Don't you see something profoundly wrong and terrifying with that idea?
A woman I consider my equal at what? As a computer scientist? Sure, that's pretty unlikely but I don't know why I should care. Most women couldn't consider me their equal at childrearing, singing, reading speed, or their given career but I don't think they would dismiss for any of those reasons as well they shouldn't. My equal in terms of intrinsic human value? Well most humans seem to have the same capacity for experiencing pain or pleasure that's not hard. In fact most women are probably slightly better than me in that dimension due to my strong tendency towards hedonic adaption (the downside of novelty seeking). My equal as an intellectual? I honestly don't believe that finding women who fit that description is particularly difficult but let's say it's true. Let's say everything with a vagina is incapable of calling itself my intellectual equal. Then fine, that casts the romantic endeavor in a different light but whatever, sex is now the exclusive end-game of relationships with women. That's not as good of a world as the one I believe in but it's not that bad either, like 90% of what makes me happy is still out there. I can survive without a romantic relationship. If women really are born inferior in these capacities then I do see something wrong with that: it's tremendously unfair to women. But this is one more problem to solve, not an argument for what I should lay down and die.Christ there are a lot of therapists/psychologists/counselors/psychiatrists in the bay area. Makes it such a pain to choose the right one, particularly when you're such an atypical trainwreck like me.
I think one of my very first posts in trt was saying the exact same thing.
