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The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
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2015-12-05 at 3:53 AM UTCI wish I could go back in time. I cant describe the joy working with horses brought me, even my farrier job, during the worst of it. I got kicked square in the chest once by a drafter, thrown back 15’, had the wind knocked out of me for the first time. Felt the adreneline kick in and I stumbled up. Had another time when I got bucked where I got knocked out but apprently rose and stumbled in the street where I passed out again. Woke up with my horse standing over me as a car was coming. Ive been rubbed up on fences, drug, stepped on, and hurt in so many ways, but despite all that I fucking loved it. My favorite quote actually comes from the kor'an. 'To conquer without a sword, to fly without wings' about horses. I miss so much riding everyday. My perfect job (disnt make much doing it though) was taking people on trail rides. Id be up by 5am everyday and out to the farm by 6:30-7 every morning and wouldnt get home most days til 7-8 sometimes later. It was a great time.
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2015-12-05 at 4:37 AM UTCOh, nevermind. I've thought about this before, and it's really my current state and mentality that's driving this. If I didn't feel this way these things would be much less significant, I would be much better able to handle, confront and analyze them, they wouldn't feel overwhelming and insurmountable. A healthy psychological base with emotional support, meaningful social relationships, my base state would be one of joy, shielding me from the pain, I'd still be able to confront this, engage in analysis, just without going into depression. I suppose a benefit is that I've experienced the abyss, all this darkness, to the deepest depths, seen the world from a perspective that in a way will always be a crucial part of my development . Although, something I did repeatedly feel was that the depression, every negative emotion I experienced, wasn't deep enough, it felt too empty and shallow, in part from a lack of life experience along with numbness. Then there are all the events that require an actual life, other people, to occur; loss, heartbreak.
Little Miss Sunshine:Dwayne: I wish I could just sleep until I was eighteen and skip all this crap-high school and everything-just skip it.
Frank: Do you know who Marcel Proust is?
Dwayne: He's the guy you teach.
Frank: Yeah. French writer. Total loser. Never had a real job. Unrequited love affairs. Gay. Spent 20 years writing a book almost no one reads. But he's also probably the greatest writer since Shakespeare. Anyway, he uh… he gets down to the end of his life, and he looks back and decides that all those years he suffered, Those were the best years of his life, 'cause they made him who he was. All those years he was happy? You know, total waste. Didn't learn a thing. So, if you sleep until you're 18… Ah, think of the suffering you're gonna miss. I mean high school? High school-those are your prime suffering years. You don't get better suffering than that.
Not serious, just a somewhat amusing scene it brought to mind. Hmm, the whole concept that you can't experience pleasure without having known pain is poorly thought out nonsense, but it does bring to mind whether the experience of suffering can provide benefits (realistically) unavailable elsewhere.
Also, I think I may be experiencing empathogenic effects from NALT: https://www.reddit.com/r/Nootropics/comments/32jjb0/ceretropics_caffeinenalt_solution_is_up_for_sale/cqdp5hq
I wonder if any people with Aspeger's/autism have reported on this. A feeling of loneliness and longing for people, a desire to have people in my life and wanting to learn about them and their lives, be a part of it. Also may have made imagination fueled masturbation considerably better. The experience has been pretty weak for a while, although it's unknown how much is from going long stretches without doing it.
And T-PAIN free acid definitely works for my depression, keeps me stable and from feeling severely depressed, the emotions of dysphoria and sorrow. The dose has to be increased, though, due to a much longer half life, extended release, and lower conversion to sodium or bioavailability, one of those as well. Also, as I've noted before, there's a clean effect if you're suddenly woken, particularly if you haven't received what would normally be enough sleep. For me the natural feeling of grogginess, of feeling like shit, isn't there, or if it is it's to a very mild extent. Could be good for waking up/getting out of bed earlier.
Selegiline/deprenyl may be smoothing out some of the effects amphetamine sulfate would normally have due to norepinephrine. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/14636968 -
2015-12-05 at 4:43 AM UTC
Yea but 50 quid I shouldn't or dont know where it came from ;)
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And nah 150 anyway. Still watch the PL? Gwan Leicester. -
2015-12-05 at 4:44 AM UTC
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2015-12-05 at 9:33 AM UTC“A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.†― Kurt Vonnegut, The Sirens of Titan
I read the book a while ago because Constantinople (I think that was his username) recommended it, he made some comment about it and it stood out to me, in part because it was from him. Can't remember which forum it was on. I didn't want it to be true, I probably wanted to avoid it more than almost anybody (there could well be worse people out there, serial killers, psychopaths, extremely jaded and wounded/damaged people, the kind of guys that took part in acts by people like the Nazis, or during the Inquisition and enjoyed it), but Vonnegut probably got as close to an answer as you're going to get.
Although, perhaps one day drugs and other interventions will replace the need for actual people in my life, and I'll see things differently, become a perfected version of my past self. -
2015-12-05 at 10:11 AM UTChttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autobiography_of_Mark_Twain Never heard about this before. Some of his views, particularly his later writing (The Mysterious Stranger) leads me to believe it could be worth reading.
https://www.reddit.com/r/books/comments/1y1dez/what_biographies_are_worth_reading/Mark Twain's autobiography. He gave strict instructions that it not be published until the 100th anniversary of his death. So he would feel free to speak his "whole frank mind". It is uncensored in its entirety.
Christ it's long as fuck, but it's something I've had the desire to do, a thorough examination of the life of someone intelligent, knowledgeable, interesting, etc. who lived a full life. I want to know what it's like to be a real person. -
2015-12-05 at 1:46 PM UTC
Sometimes I really notice how British British people sound. I just can't imagine an American has ever said "chat shit get banged". -
2015-12-05 at 4:08 PM UTC
Sometimes I really notice how British British people sound. I just can't imagine an American has ever said "chat shit get banged".
yeah you guys coin a lot of phrases.
City lost again and it looks like Lester is going to win and hopefully United lose. Arsenal don't look good atm but Sunderland is utter garbage so I expect them to pull it out. oh and it's Liverpool's year if you haven't noticed. -
2015-12-05 at 6:02 PM UTCIsn't every year Liverpool's year? I really hope Leicester get a CL spot, if they end up winning the PL which they really could do then holy shit.
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2015-12-05 at 11:19 PM UTCGoing to this chick's tomorrow for netflix and chill, if you never hear from me again it's because I've been brutally murdered by a craigslist weirdo.
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2015-12-05 at 11:35 PM UTCHoly fuck, how can you be this stupid and reckless?
https://twitter.com/redsteeze/status/672833741954355202
https://www.reddit.com/r/news/comments/3vfwvn/journalists_storm_san_bernardino_shooters/cxn5okx
>EDIT: MSNBC had someone hold up the guy's Driver's Licence and Social Security card to the camera. Where the fuck are the local police or FBI?
EDIT 2: OH, WAIT, NEVERMIND, THAT WAS THE LICENCE AND SOCIAL SECURITY CARD OF THE GUY'S MOTHER THAT THEY SHOWED ON LIVE TELEVISION. SILLY ME.
>If I'm understanding this correctly, MSNBC broadcasted uncensored imagery of social security documents that belong to the suspects mom?
>Yep, along with her driver's licence, so they also showed her appearance, her physical description, her date of birth, and her home address.
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2015-12-06 at 4:55 AM UTC
Isn't every year Liverpool's year? I really hope Leicester get a CL spot, if they end up winning the PL which they really could do then holy shit.
That would be amazing. Their next 4 games are Chelsea (Home), Everton (Away), Liverpool (Away), City (Home), though. I guess we will find out if they are for real during this stretch.
Gary Monk is probably going to get the sack. -
2015-12-06 at 7:22 AM UTCI feel like I thought myself to death.
I wonder how many people like me there have been throughout history, how their lives turned out. I'd like to know what percentage ended in suicide and what the typical age was. -
2015-12-06 at 2:03 PM UTCThis is the kind of music I made before I fried my brain with syncans and benzedrex
https://soundcloud.com/locked-in-prism-acc-2/dog-daze
its a shame -
2015-12-07 at 3:08 PM UTCI have a very good chance of winning my fantasy (american) football league and winning $500 pls football gods be with me
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2015-12-07 at 4:49 PM UTCGood news guys - she didn't steal my organs.
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2015-12-07 at 7:50 PM UTCFound out last night before work a dear friend whom Ive been out of contact with for a while died. Was going to message him and.. there was all this shit on his page 'In loving memory' ans such. I looked up his obituary because I didnt believe it. Last year he had just had a surgery to fix his colostomy, before that he had ruptured his intestine. Growing up he was like a brother to me, being the only child that I was. My dad was like a father to him aswell. He had a thing for me, and his mom was hoping Imarried him,y dad confided inme year amd years later. He had some form of autism (Im a magnet for crazy and the mentally ill) and she told my dad that he needed someone like me to take care of him. She was a buhddist back in those day and always said he had an old soul. He was very sensitive and got hurt easy. He died a virgin and the last conversation we had he mentioned being remorse over not staying in contact with me (it was my fault tbh) and that I would always be his sister he just wish there could have been more. He was openly jealous ofmy husband. He was agood guy and didnt deserve the shit lot life dealt him. inother news, my childmolesting, rapist Ex husband is saying hes going to take my baby- thats goingto happen over my cold dead body.
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2015-12-08 at 12:33 AM UTCT-PAIN withdrawal sucks.
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2015-12-08 at 12:52 AM UTC
Found out last night before work a dear friend whom Ive been out of contact with for a while died. Was going to message him and.. there was all this shit on his page 'In loving memory' ans such. I looked up his obituary because I didnt believe it. Last year he had just had a surgery to fix his colostomy, before that he had ruptured his intestine. Growing up he was like a brother to me, being the only child that I was. My dad was like a father to him aswell. He had a thing for me, and his mom was hoping Imarried him,y dad confided inme year amd years later. He had some form of autism (Im a magnet for crazy and the mentally ill) and she told my dad that he needed someone like me to take care of him. She was a buhddist back in those day and always said he had an old soul. He was very sensitive and got hurt easy. He died a virgin and the last conversation we had he mentioned being remorse over not staying in contact with me (it was my fault tbh) and that I would always be his sister he just wish there could have been more. He was openly jealous ofmy husband. He was agood guy and didnt deserve the shit lot life dealt him.
Reminds of myself. I wish I'd had someone to take care of me, or at least be my friend, but I didn't just isolate myself, I (almost) completely closed myself off emotionally as well. There's too much that could be said about why I ended up like this, but it happened. I feel like skipped being a teenager and went straight to being an old man. Looking back, I really was overly sensitive and hurt easily beneath everything, and I only made it worse.inother news, my childmolesting, rapist Ex husband is saying hes going to take my baby- thats goingto happen over my cold dead body.
Hydro, if you end up shooting him, don't murder suicide, take out as many cops as you can before you go. Or don't commit a crime of passion, but take him out intelligently and dispose of the body. Another idea is for one of you to agree to get a life insurance policy and then have the other killed in a way that lets you cash out on it. You could put the money in a trust for your child, have someone manage it to ensure it would be spent on him how you wanted.
He's a child molester and rapist? -
2015-12-08 at 5:27 AM UTC
He's a child molester and rapist?
Yeah, that's a development. A word to the wise hydro, if that's provable then you have nothing to worry about but if you get caught in a lie, or something you can't prove, in a custody battle then all you've done is hurt yourself. The fact that your husband left, he's not clearly the biological father, and that you're the mother all make a potential custody case weigh strongly in your favor but if you come off as a liar then it's anybody's guess who the kid lands with. Also not that I really have room to give advice but if he wants the kid them maybe that's an opportunity to patch things up. I'm not one of those people who think kids need a father (or a mother, one or the other will, empirically, do) to be healthy/normal but it sounds like the economic situation is such that another parent/income would result in positive life outcomes for your kid. Not just the typical socio-economic signals (although significant, piano lessons vs. playing unorganized basketball or whatever has a statistically significant effect on rates of criminal conviction, income) but being able to spend more undistracted time with your kid (there are a number of studies supporting the correlation between reading ability and the number of words a kid hears. Social isolation and anti-social behaviour starts in infancy).
If your husband really is abusive you shouldn't have anything to do with him, but if the struggle is "incompatible personalities" or whatever(a perfectly valid reason to not want anything to do with a person, but you need to think about the counterbalance of the shared interest in your child) then you should consider coming to a compromise purely in terms of risk/reward. Poor is better than abused, but middle class and raised by loveless parents is probably still better than poor.
