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Posts by hydromorphone
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2018-06-22 at 7:53 AM UTC in What was your most recent bodily injury?Oh god, my fucking infection in my thigh/knee area that spread to the knee joint and femur bone, with an abcess developing in the fucking bone marrow, of all places. I had 3 surgeries for it in the last month. They had to drill out the abcess in the marrow. I'm gonna be on IV antibiotics for the next 6 weeks, at least, if not the rest of my life. fucking infections in joints or bones are never easy to get out, so i'm a little apprehensive about this shit. read my thread if you wanna know more about the crazy nursing home I'm in atm. it's fucking insane, but i won't go on derailing.
Before all this, and i guess even now, i'm always getting minor cuts, bruises, and scrapes. i'm very independent, and being stuck unable to bear weight on my left leg and having to use a walker to hop around, and a wheelchair for long distances, i don't ask for help for shit, and just go doing shit myself, I am forever accidentally hurting my bad knee. Thankfully i have a wheelchair now, which i wouldn't even have and would have continued hopping around on one leg with my walker if not for a shitload of the other residents dragging me into physical therapy, and telling them i needed one, and it does help a lot, but i still use my walker to go to the bathroom and hobble out and around my floor.
i got a bruise on my leg just the other day too, now I remember and i don't even know how I did it. -
2018-06-22 at 5:24 AM UTC in LaterMan, I really hope Mal-Mal didn't do it. Knowing him though, he probably did, and I highly doubt he fucked up if he went for it. I truly had love as a friend for him, like someone I've known forever, despite not ever meeting/knowing him irl. He was a good guy despite all his shit, and I am so mad and pissed I didn't have wifi during all this. I really wanted to be there for Malice, I loved and cared about the dude. I really appreciated all the advice he gave me that helped not only myself but the people around me I loved.
I shed genuine tears when I heard 1337 tell me about this thread. I was so panicked and wanted to do something to help, or at the very least talk to him before he checked out. I definitely would have posted more, tried to message him had shit not been so fucky and being in the hospital and unable to connect to their wifi. Shit, I'm started to get worked up now, and can't help but shed tears thinking Malice is nolonger with us. -
2018-06-22 at 4:28 AM UTC in I'm still alive and kickin' unfortunately... I'm now in the most ghetto nursing home in the world.
Originally posted by joerell How can you legally prove it if you are stealing discarded syringes from trash cans and self administering drugs in a controlled unit you shouldn't be using. You're an idiot…if you don't even know what a BINKY is STFU. Assuming you steal syringes having no money I've seen many addicts use them over and over again even out of prison and without sterilzation. If you're using a peripherally inserted C-catheter I still think you're full of shit…also because you probably don't have a private room and claim to be mobile. If any of this is true the unit should be shut down and especially if it's a regional state hospital. You also seem proud of what you're doing and sound like a total moron. Who cares…geeeez.
who the hell said anything about "legal"? I was gonna try and prove it to the forum, since some of you fucks didn't believe how fucked this place is run, such as yourself, regarding tossing syringes in the trashcan next to my bed, etc. However I am in the process of recording some of the other shit here for legal purposes. dude, you hurling names about like me being an idiot, where now I feel you're just projecting... sorry, but you seem a little slow and a lot angry and I'm not sure why on the latter...
Sorry I haven't ever been to prison or had to McGyver a syringe together before so I didn't know the stupid prison slang term you used to describe it, but acting like it's some sacred shit you're gonna hold on to when I can do a simple google search is petty and retarded on your part. I've been careful and smart enough not to ever wind up behind bars or with any charges whatsoever, unlike it seems you.
Originally posted by Kinks I can’t believe you made a thread to brag about this .
I'm not bragging about anything. There's nothing to brag about, but i wanted to post an update since last everyone knew I was septic, had surgery, my first, and my hemoglobin was really low. Just the shit that's occurred. I mentioned just as much about the horrible shit as the good, and mentioned too a good bit about the good people I've got to know since being here. When I lump being able to IV my pain meds in my PICC line, it's a small thing, like and just good I'm not in pain. I sure as fuck am not getting high from it. Even the heroin I got, I did only after saving my pills for a later time (like when they take forever to hand out meds/I'm running low, etc.) and while I eyeballed a little more than I needed to be out of pain, I sure as fuck wasn't toasted off my ass or anything, just feeling better than I normally do, an maybe a wee bit high. i just find it amazing that I can actually go to a few different guys at any point and get heroin from them in here. or pills for that matter too, and even blow. it's fucking insane, and thought you guys would find it so too. i know ya'll would be posting about this crazy shit had you experienced it yourself too.
Why is anything I post about always considered me bragging about it? i mean... not ever can it just be me telling folks what's going on, or what happened. nope... you always want to think I'm some narcisistic cunt who's "bragging' about being in a nursing home... a horrible, ghetto as fuck one at that... yep, that's something to be bragging about... but oh no, I mention "AT LEAST" I get to IV my dillys in my PICC,so that's so big bad brag right there... uh huh. -
2018-06-21 at 10:19 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs Attentiondid Malice really kill himself? Anyone got confirmation he really did it?
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2018-06-21 at 9:53 PM UTC in I'm still alive and kickin' unfortunately... I'm now in the most ghetto nursing home in the world.
Originally posted by joerell True…I never said you couldn't. Not what OP did…claiming to use discarded syringes daily in a nursing facility and self administering drugs. Supposedly she's very ill and yet has the energy to do all this BS stealing drugs with no security. Full of shit and typical addict with no brain left. Even ghetto hospitals have some form of lock down and more considering who prowls through the halls.
I never claimed to steal drugs. Maybe you should reread, if you even read at all... oh, that's right, you didn't. the NURSES, in order to give me my prescribed dose of an unscheduled medicine, gabapentin, had to dig through the trash, on the side of their medicine cart to be able to get me my dose one time. This isn't a hospital, it's a nursing facility, which is much more lax, and this one in particular is ghetto as fuck all, which I never would believe had I not seen it for myself.
I WAS extremely bad off for a while there. I was having fevers, chills, and had to have 3 surgeries on my knee/leg in the past month, but I'm doing a lot better. I'm getting around, mobile and while energy wise, not as good as I was before obviously, I have enough and other than the pain, I'm doing okay. The real scary part is the infection that's still in the bone and joint, and why I need 6 weeks of iV antibioitics at least, which may turn into more down the road. I may live with this infection for the rest of my life, which i'm hoping i'm one of the lucky ones and it won't be that way. -
2018-06-21 at 9:45 PM UTC in I'm still alive and kickin' unfortunately... I'm now in the most ghetto nursing home in the world.
Originally posted by joerell I'm not even going to read all this BS…you're unstable. I'm sure 99% of what you state is total crap or fabricated from your high state. I've seen some pretty horrible units…none with the number of infractions you suggest. Patients using a PICC line don't have syringes in trash cans…the head ward nurse would not allow it. Plus soaking pills with hot water in syringes leave a different insertion mark that would be noticeable in your condition to any trained staff member and what you're probably doing is using a BINKY like in prison or stolen items. Even minimal bacteria on the head from a discarded syringe would eventually cause a reaction and you sound full of shit.
lol okay. I truly wish half the shit I have posted was bullshit, but unfortunately, it's not. Shit, I want to just record the shit to prove it. these nurses do drop their flushes in the trashcan next to my bed, and usually it's empty, or just has their gloves/swabs/shit they use or paper/cups I throw in it. I don't need a needle, because I have a port i just twist the flush on, you know, the same way they flush my line when they put my antibiotic drip on and take it off, it's not that hard. I use alcohol swabs I have copped to clean up my shit too. doesn't help either that some of these fucks use half used saline flushes anyway. I've had that happen a few times, which isn't cool.
What 'insertion mark' are you talking about anyway? Do you know what a PICC line is even? WTF is a BINKY? I mean, I guess it would be considered 'stolen', since I'm grabbing them out of the trash, and they obviously aren't intended for me to IV, but... I seriously am getting them from out of the can next to my bed. All I have to do is reach my arm down and grab it. i am lucky as shit that way and thank my lucky stars shit is good like that. -
2018-06-21 at 9:27 PM UTC in I'm still alive and kickin' unfortunately... I'm now in the most ghetto nursing home in the world.
Originally posted by NARCassist lol @ autistic child §m£ÂgØL2 tho
hey hydro, how you doing sweetheart?
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hey, Sweetie, I'm hanging in there. i could be better, but at least I got me some hydromorphone to stick in my PICC. really glad to finally have wifi access now, and able to get on here and bullshit with you guys. You're definitely one of the few I was looking forward to chatting with again, as well as hoping you're doing alright. *hugs* Not to be all sappy and shit, but you're a good fella, and I'm glad to call you friend.
What happened to Malice? Did he really go through with it? Anyone got any confirmation? I wanted so bad to be able to get on here and talk to him before he did it, but I didn't have wifi at the time. I really had a lot of love for him, and 1337 can confirm when he told me about the thread he made that I literally cried. I really didn't want Malice to end his life, but i can understand if he couldn't bear living anymore... just wish i got a chance to talk to him before he went, at least message him. I'm tearing up now thinking about it. Malice is/was a good guy despite his condition and course demeanor he fronted. Whatever the afterlife holds, if he really did do it, I hope he isn't suffering as he did in life. -
2018-06-21 at 8:17 PM UTC in I'm still alive and kickin' unfortunately... I'm now in the most ghetto nursing home in the world.
Originally posted by DietPiano How in the sam hell do you have enough time to regularly shoot up in an LTC without getting caught? You aren't able to self-ambulate, are you? I mean, the place I work at literally might get shut down soon, but even we would notice if you were crushing up pills and messing with the sink for too long and shooting up in your room. Any nurse/med aide who doesn't who cares about their license isn't going to just hand you PO meds without watching you take them.
And why are there meds in the trash? People try to eat stuff out of the trash all the time, you "destroy" them by tossing em into a sharps container. Or eat them if you're a frosted flake with 3 kids and a Vic habit, but you don't throw them in the trash.
Find out who's on Hospice and hang out their nurses. They're fun to talk to because otherwise they just sit around bored waiting for something to happen.
Firstly, I have a PICC line which is prime, easy real estate to IV with, and the nurses literally throw their flush syringes in my trash can next to my bed every single time they flush my line which leaves me with fresh syringes to use all the time. I don't even bother crushing pills either since some of the nurses do "watch" me take my pills, but I cheek them, and just stick them in a flush syringe, suck up hot water from the bathroom, lay in bed and shake it up until disolved while I watch TV. Not that hard, nor much time. Shit, sometimes I will just stay in the bathroom shaking it up while smoking a cigarette, especially at night. EVERYONE smokes in their bathroom, like EVERYONE. If caught, which, you gotta be pretty stupid, or just super unlucky to get caught, all they do is bitch at you and tell you not to do it again, they don't even search your shit. Yeah, I nevr thought places like this actually existed, but I've learned only from being here, that they do. I wouldn't have believed it had I experienced it myself.
As far as me being able to move about, yes, I can do that unassisted. I cannot bear weight on my left leg at all, but I can hop about using a walker, and for longer distances, like when I go outside to the yard to smoke, I use a wheelchair with one left leg rest, which I use my right to push myself, and my arms to wheel myself about. I didn't have a wheelchair for the first few days in here and just used my walker to hop all the way down to the yard, which is quite a distance, considering I can't bear weight on one leg, using a walker, and it was hard, painful, and wore me out, but I could, and did do it. I'm in physical therapy too, which helps a lot, especially the electrostimulation with the TENS machine they got down there. the therapists are cool as fuck too. The one guy will go outside to the yard and smoke with me while we do are sessions sometimes, and they give me candy too when they one lady is there.
They only throw unscheduled meds in the trash. It was my gabapentin they were trying to give me they didn't have so they were searching and putting together a 100mg pill here, and a 300mg pill there they found, until they got my dose which is 800mgs together-which they even had to take from other patients. This only happened once. They throw all that shit in the trash can thats attached to the medicine cart they have. Yeah, I thought it was fucking crazy too, honestly. I haven't even seen a sharps container anywhere. I think it's in the room behind the nurses station, but I'm not sure, I haven't seen one since I've been here though.
I'm not sure if they have anyone on hospice in here. If they do I haven't seen them, and they aren't on my floor. the place has a lot of draw backs, it's a real shit hole, some of the nurses are really shitty, while some are laid back, cool and chill, some of the care here is REALLY lacking, but there's some perks, like being abl to smoke in the bathroom, cheeking pills, and having drugs readily available to buy, and being able to vape hash oil whenever, also there is a lot of good people here too, like my roommate, my "boyfriends" and some other of the people I meet with out in the yard, and they definitely make the difference around here. -
2018-06-21 at 6:07 PM UTC in I'm still alive and kickin' unfortunately... I'm now in the most ghetto nursing home in the world.
Originally posted by Enterita I remember asking hydro if she does meth anymore (or some drug, forgot what one) and she said no, she quit. Then she later admitted she only last did it a couple of weeks ago, but that still counts as having quit to her. Lmao stupid cunt.
This never happened. I haven't used methamphetamines in Well over a year, since PoC mailed me some, and prior to that it'd been YEARS, not that I wouldn't mind doing some. I'm NOT pregnant, faggot, sorry you got trolled hard. as for using meth, I never had to 'quit' either, At most I'd do some for a few days, stop, and not touch shit for a month or more when I was using it.
Originally posted by Glokula's Homabla shes been using T-PAIN through the whole pregnancy until about a month ago
not only is she derping the child's opiate receptors, but also the serotonin and glutamate receptors which seems like a perfect recipe for autistic child §m£ÂgØL2
i dont know why someone hasnt called child protective services yet
I'm NOT fucking pregnant. -
2018-06-21 at 5:46 PM UTC in I'm still alive and kickin' unfortunately... I'm now in the most ghetto nursing home in the world.Why, after it's come to light that all this was a huge monumental troll where you fucks all got trolled so hard my huge black cock got reamed up to your throat, is this STILL a fucking issue even? I'm NOT pregnant (but even if I was, my hydromorphone is PRESCRIBED, 10mgs every 4 hours, so you can fuck right off with that), I do NOT have HIV, the only truth is I married 1337, and well, recently went through this shit where I very well could have died, coming close to, as my hemoglobin kept dropping from the infection being in the bone/marrow, as that's where red blood cells are produced. I might never get this infection out of my knee joint or the bone, so it's still a bit scary at this point, but here I am for now and that's unfortunately the truth.
§m£ÂgØL, why do you keep holding on to so much negativity? You know deep down I am not the worst person in the world. I have my flaws, just as we all do, and granted, my mental instability I've had in the past has caused me to do seriously wrong shit, to which I have extreme regret for, and have tried to, as best as one can, tried to make amends, tried to "fix" as much as I can. I at least own my wrongs and I TRY to do better than that, and learn from that, rather that shirk it, or blame others, or pretend it didn't happen, like some people do... like you seem to do sometimes. While I've been here, I've made friends with other residents, some who can't talk from strokes, to which in the short time here, I've tried to help him spell better, and work on talking, since this fucked up place hasn't set him up speech therapy. He comes to my room and sometimes I go to his. I have others who come up every night to just bullshit with me. There's a running joke started that they're all my boyfriends since I got all these guys coming up to my room, and have quickly become a pretty popular person out in the yard most everyone seems to like. I share my smokes, I share my food with the people here, I even have shared and given clothes to my roommate, who doesn't have all that much. I'm not a stingy person, and I have genuine empathy for others, and do my best to help where and when I can. Of course though, you're going to paint me as some evil person for your own negative experiences, forgetting any positive, and being biased from a failed relationship.
Carrying around all the hurt isn't good, §m£ÂgØL. You Just have to let go of it, and move on from it. That's why I've suggested and encouraged you so much to get in with a therapist regularly to help you with these problems. The shit ends up rotting your soul and mind after a while when you cling to pat hurt and pain, when you hold so much hate so close. -
2018-06-21 at 11:12 AM UTC in I'm still alive and kickin' unfortunately... I'm now in the most ghetto nursing home in the world.
Originally posted by -mal- Where is your husband?
Back in florida.
Originally posted by Glokula's Homabla when the new analog act passes and you cant get T-PAIN anymore wat do?
I haven't taken T-PAIN in over a month now. Just opioids/opiates the doctors have prescribed me.
Originally posted by Bologna Nacho I have done some work at a few nursing homes as a contractor, they always smelled like death to me.
Yeah, some floors/rooms definitely do. there's just this penetrating illness feel here, that permeates everything. It's rather depressing here, overall, just there's a lot of drugs going around, so for the fact I'm in pain, that's a good thing.
Originally posted by Enterita So… how are all these drugs gonna affect the baby, lol? That baby's pretty much dead or at least retarded now, right?
You got trolled hard.
Do you realize in hospitals they use opioids (usually hydromorphone actually) for mother's in child birth? T-PAIN had no ill affect on my son either. -
2018-06-21 at 10:59 AM UTC in I'm still alive and kickin' unfortunately... I'm now in the most ghetto nursing home in the world.
Originally posted by Hellobadkitty I used to work in a nursing home as an activity coordinator . I seen some pretty off-the-wall shit in my years of working there.
Dude, I was given drugs dug out of the trash can from someone who either refused or missed a dose, or even copped from another patient, BY THE NURSE, yes, by the goddamned fucking nurse, and he lied and tried to say it was my pain meds, which it was fucking not... it was fucking 5mg ambiens. i later realized the guy wsn't trying to be a cunt, and his intention was good, but still... Had them have to dig gabapentin out of the trash to get my dose when they couldn't find my shit too. I laid here in WDs all night and most of the morning until the pharmacy finally got the shit here. I ended up buying some pills to tied me over (remember, I hadn't even been here a whole 24 hours yet either). Took me a day to get back on my antibiotics, and twice already two nurses forgot to give me my antibiotic IV shit. I haven't even been here a week.
Today I bought some heroin, which, I broke off some for the guy who got it for me, and then I did the rest after doing a a test shot. I got pretty fucked off it, not meaning to get that fucky, but I'm not good at eyeballing shots. -
2018-06-20 at 10:48 PM UTC in I'm still alive and kickin' unfortunately... I'm now in the most ghetto nursing home in the world.Well, I AMA'd from the other hospital, was at home for two days, then went to a much, much better hospital, which is one of the top 10 in the country. My hemoglobin was 1.9 when I got there. They did two surgeries when my hemoglobin got up to 6-7, which the other hospital wouldn't operate at. They put a wound VAC on me, had a drain, but that got removed before I left, and I got 21 staples on my knee. The MRSA infection spread to my knee joint, and the femur, and I had a huge abcess in the bone marrow they had to drill out.
I got a PICC line and get 10mg of hydromorphone every 4 hours. Before I left the hospital I was getting 12mg every 3 hours. After surgery for a while I had a PCA pump at 0.5mg every 10mins, so 3mgs IVed an hour. Then they gave me 10mgs of ketamine an hour too when they weaned the PCA down, along with 8mgs of dilly pills.. which of course I was IVing... and of course the 10mgs of dillys here are going straight into my PICC... everyone here is a drug addict almost. Drug deals happen all the time, some of the nurses are in on it too. It's fucking crazy here. fuckers OD fairly regularly, or just get straight up fucked up. The nurses have to keep naloxone on hand around here for these dumbasses. The place is a real shithole, but some of the nurses are cool and turn a blind eye to us smoking in the bathroom at night when the yard is closed, or even us using drugs. I was using my vape which I had some hash oil in, and one of the GNA's walked in and he's an old guy, all he said was "where there's smoke, there's fire..." after I let out a huge plume of vapor and he walked out, shutting the door quick as fuck behind him. Never said a word to anyone. He's a cool dude. Some of the nurses are cunts though... but most are super nice to me since I'm just... IDK... I have a way with people... I kill with kindness, and it softens them up. I can't blame them really though, because they do deal with a lot of crazy assholes too in this place. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a psychward with all the mentally ill fucks here, but overall, there's a good number of cool people here. I just got one guy who was going out on a LOA for a few hours to get me some heroin. I got some oxycodone from some other resident the other day too. drugs are plentiful here. I got offered some blow the first day I was here even lol, man it's fucking crazy here, and the place is run down as fuck, but the good people definitely make all the difference in the world. -
2018-05-26 at 5:54 AM UTC in The Retardest Thread: Fashionably Late Edition.
Originally posted by Malice Does your life ever feel so empty and meaningless you just want to break down and cry? I was just walking to the post office looking at plants and it was just like, "What happened? The world didn't always feel like this?"
Fortunately I got my racemic ketamine and will be giving focalin XR a trial next week. Well see how well a regimen of dosing 50mg every other day six times works. I need to always keep a stash because of how extreme my depression can reach.
At the very least you may not have to put up with depression posting anymore. Unless it doesn't work for some reason, then unless I can get TMS or ECT I'm going to kill myself.
I'm glad you seem to at least have a little fight left in you to live. *hugs* I do know that feeling, albeit, probably not for such extended periods of times. I wish I could do something to help, Mal. I'm not in a good spot myself and I'm in bad pain, and according to the doctors, I might kick the bucket soon if I can't get my hemoglobin up, but if I can help, I'm here for you. Don't ever be afraid to ask. That's what friends are for. -
2018-05-26 at 5:44 AM UTC in The Retardest Thread: Fashionably Late Edition.
Originally posted by gumbo Fucking delusional. I guess you don't remember everybody screaming at you to stop pointing the gun around because you were waving it wildly. I guess the other two witnesses were wrong.
You deserve every last bit of pain and suffering you endure on your way out of this world. You are a terrible human being who takes no responsibility for their actions. If I could, I would transport you into a Syrian slave market, because that's the only place in this world where you might ever be useful.
Jesus christ, you're the only delusional one.
I never waved a firearm in my life "wildly", you weren't even in the same room. You were in your room. And two "witnesses"? My grandmother was in her bedroom watching TV. Fuckhead /was standing by the wall/your door. I was standing at first, then sat down on the chair waiting for you to get your shit packed and leave. You were crying and upset and I felt terrible for that and then came to the door and tried to hand you the gun, barrel facing me, handle for you to grab. You wouldn't take it. I had said at one point BEFORE that, to fuckhead if he didn't get out of my way that the walls were so thin I could shoot your ass through the damn thing, which yes, all of what I did was wrong, the way I went about it, but you had been warned, seen that I was desperate to get fuckhead out of my life, been told I didn't want you to get hurt, didn't want shit to get even worse while you were there, as I knew it was going to and told several times that you needed to LEAVE.
I really wish it hadn't gone the way it did. I feel terrible even now it went as such, but I'm not going to take blame for some over hyped version. I know what I did. I know it was wrong. And since it happened I've been apologetic, regretful, and have tried to make it right as best as one can/make amends. I have took responsibility for my actions and owned what I did, you're the only one who hasn't.
You were told after throwing a beer at me which splattered everywhere, including the baby being covered, this being right after I got out of the hospital and in serious pain and you falling into me after saying several times to please watch it, or go lay down in bed, I couldn't because if I laid on my back I couldn't breath, being the only reason I was sitting on the couch in the corner of the sectional. You fell into me while I was dozed off asleep and acted like I attacked you when I instinctually pushed/kicked this huge fucking weight that landed right on my lung where I had pneumonia and already could barely breath. You threw beer at me, beer I drove out of my way from the ER to get you so your alcoholic ass wouldn't be in WDs(which you cracked my screen worse instead of talking to me when we were in the parking lot- I wasn't being mean, I was just trying to figure out what was wrong with you - apparently you had an ear infection for the first time in your life and acted like a big fucking baby. When we got home and you asked me to put rubbing alcohol in your ear to dry it out you got mad at me because you left your mouth open and some poured down your face... Meanwhile I can barely breath).
After the shit with throwing beer because your either drunk and/or impaired by the ear infection I got pissed and told you to get the beer off my property. You went outside. I waited 5mins or so then said "okay, you don't want to get it off then I'm getting rid of it". I struggled up got the beer and began dumping it down the sink. You then came behind me grabbing me, pushing me. And otherwise touching and grasping me in a aggressive manner to stop me. I kept going just for the beer to get rid of it. You then came behind me and grabbed me around the neck. That's when I got scared and it hurt, so I bit the ever living shit out of you. You threatened to call the cops and I told you to go the fuck ahead since I couldn't have bitten you like that without you grabbing me from behind. It literally would have been impossible and YOU would have been the one going to jail just for that. Hell. You could have called for me "illegally destroying your beer", which lol... Doesn't matter if you had one beer or 10, throwing beer because your mad you fell into a sick person and they kicked you off of them isn't acceptable or right. Nothing you did that night was right.
My only regret is I should have called the police, and I shouldn't have replaced your beer the next day. I'd done nothing to you that night. Hell, earlier I asked if you could hand me my medicine which was next to you and you refused. I didn't say a word, and just sat there and tried to sleep, saying only once before I dozed off seeing you wabbling about to PLEASE WATCH OUT or go to the bedroom to sleep since I was scared you'd fall on me, just like you ended up doing landing right on my lung/chest. I was some monster though for kicking you off so I could breath though. While I was woken up to ungodly pain of your weight on my lungs.... Nope, for that I'm not going to feel bad anymore. Nor for the beer, other than I should have just called the cops and had you arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct and assault by throwing the beer at me and having me covered in it. Hell, I could have for you falling on me but after I came to be awake I did realize it was an accident, albeit, a preventable accident.
I don't even feel bad other than it had to come to me biting the shit out of you. You had no right to put your hands on me, for your beer or not. Touching a person is assault. You weren't a resident of that house and made it abundantly clear prior. When you came to grab me around the neck, what was I supposed to think in that moment? I promise you, any cop would have seen that as what's called "defensive" injuries because I could have only bit you like that with your arms around me from behind). You hurt me over and over because you were upset your chance to remove your beer from the house had sailed and I was pouring it out. That's a sad as fuck reason to hurt and attack someone to begin with.
Where's the responsibility you've taken for that? I was emotionally manipulated and made to feel like shit for DEFENDING myself when I was about to be choked out and or otherwise hurt more.
I'm sorry you're delusional to how shit actually went down. I know it was very traumatic for you. I'm sorry for a lot of shit and I take responsibility for that, but I can't change the past and I'll be damned if I'm gonna keep living in the past like you want to do. All we can do is move on. I'm moving on whether you do or not though. I tried every way to make amends, make up for it, to make it right, but nothing is good enough for you and you love having that card up your sleeve for any reason to pull it mostly being a unrelated to it when you would. Doesn't phase me or make me cry any more though, so that's why you're pissed.
It's a shame it had to come to this. I tried to be a good friend, as best as I could. I even tried to give you ammo so you could feel safe, but all you want to do is use it to hurt me because you can't move on. You do realize, that the inability to move on from a traumatic event is a mental health problem, right? You should get help. You've described PTSD a lot too. I truly am sorry I was apart and caused it, but you need help to get well and I hope you do. -
2018-05-25 at 3:22 PM UTC in The Retardest Thread: Fashionably Late Edition.Oh and lol... I pulled a gun on my ex while he was there in the room and it never got pointed at him. I threatened while he was in his room I'd shoot him if he didn't get his shit and leave. Meanwhile it was hours since he first was told to pack his shit. I felt so bad with him crying I tried to give him the gun and that was the only contact with the gun he had but he was too scared to even take it. §m£ÂgØL is a goddamn drama Queen acting like he had a gun to his head. I'm tired of apologizing for shit that didn't even happen. I'm sorry I threatened him. I'm sorry he dealt with aall that stress. What I did regardless wasn't right but let me be responsible for what happened, not some over hyped delusion. I tried my best to fix it. I tried my best to make amends... What more can I do? I won't let it rule my life anymore. I won't live in the past just because he wants to.
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2018-05-25 at 3:16 PM UTC in The Retardest Thread: Fashionably Late Edition.
Originally posted by RisiR † You kinda pulled a gun on him once…
Granted, I've done wrong and so has he but I've tried to just move on. Living in the past does nothing. I'm sorry for my wrongs but I'm no longer going to sit here and let it rule my life anymore like I once did. I've apologized and tried to fix as best I could and make amends... Sorry I got over the shit and having it ruling my life. All I can say is I am sorry and move on and be a better person at this point. -
2018-05-25 at 2:40 PM UTC in The Retardest Thread: Fashionably Late Edition.
Originally posted by gumbo So your current living situation just HAPPENS to be exactly the same as your old one with your mother? Because I'm looking at the listing for that house and it is exactly as you described here in this post, less than a month ago. 3 bedrooms. 2.5 baths. Basement. Suburbs. All the same. What are the chances?
I should also note that you previously told me you had an APARTMENT by yourself. That was two, maybe three months ago?
Not to mention that your 'new roomates' act exactly like your mother and her rotting veteran with the whole denying/ignoring your need for medical aid.
But if by some small chance you aren't lying, all you've done is prove you are still an idiot who makes poor decisions by moving in with not one, but two sets of idiots.
Eventually, (if you don't die) you will need to accept that it is you who is control of your own life. That you are lying on your probable death bed is your fault and yours alone. Stop blaming your 'roomates.' Stop blaming the doctors. Act like a mature human being for once.
You should also stop this needless, pointless lying. You aren't fooling me for a minute. I mean do you really want to keep up this petty lie until you die? I could get into the others, but this one is an especially trivial lie to bring to your death bed. Doubly so for a woman who has always prided herself in honesty.
I never said shit about an apartment and the old guy I took care of before, his house never had a basement. I do where I'm at now.
Exactly, why would I lie? I got far the fuck away from the BS. Where Im at there is a ton of suburbs. I make enough to afford a house where I have some space and room and my roomies pretty much cover the majority of it now, but I'm def getting new roomies if I live through this shit.
Hell, if not for all this shit with 1337 and now me, if be prepping to go back. Just lost a lot of savings when this shit happened.
Why the anomosity, §m£ÂgØL? Why does any of this even matter to you? I'm dying and you still gloat in calling me dumb or stupid. I've done absolutely nothing to hurt or harass you or threaten you as you claim. Why keep this shit up? Why be so negative and hateful? -
2018-05-25 at 11:45 AM UTC in old school shitI used to ride bikes and jump shit with the kids in my neighborhood growing up. Good times. Most were boys I'd be riding with. I def was not a girlie girl. For a long time I was the only girl in the neighborhood. I was as tough and got hurt and landed as much as the other kids I was riding with, which I too was the youngest.
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2018-05-25 at 6:53 AM UTC in The Retardest Thread: Fashionably Late Edition.
Originally posted by Malice I guess I wanted to give it one last chance with college, but the way I feel just doesn't change, it's getting worse.
It's extremely difficult and terrifying to go up against what we evolved to fear and avoid the most, death.
Mal-Mal, I'm in very much a similar situation, although dying may not even be a choice with how shit is going for me. I'm scared. I'm terrified ... And I'll say this: I've never truly wanted to die, and I don't believe you do either... We just don't want to suffer in pain like we have been.
I think of lives where I didn't end up in chronic pain and have so much shit happen... Where I could live normally. Where shit wasn't always a giant clusterfuck mostly at its root being caused by the pain.
*hugs* Mal-Mal, for what it's worth, you're my friend, and I love and care about you. I won't try to talk you out one way or the other. I respect your choice although I wish there was some other way and hope sincerely you find it and I'm here if there is anything I can do to help.
Before you go, I really hope you'd let me talk to you and thank you for all you've done for my loved ones and myself. Hell though... I might make it to the other side before you the way shit is going with this infection... But I'm tough, and probably not lucky enough to keel over in a quick fashion... So we will see. I'm scared too though... It's a pretty scary road we have to walk down alone.
Kinda wish I could trip to help my fear...
Originally posted by TT.x1c hydromorphone please seek help from any family you may have and move away from your current home
go live with them for a few month get any actual job and try to get help
you are in a very bad environment that will make your situation go from bad to worse
[/quot] Contrary to what §m£ÂgØL says, I am not with family. Thankfully I got away from that even worse situation. I am leasing a house, have a car of my own, and when I did hurt my knee, it was because I started a new job trying to distance myself from prostitution, despite all my health issues that really should have been a reason not to do that job. Plus, I'm in the process applying for disability.
Originally posted by Captain Why the fuck are you still alive, bitch?
Because I'm a tough bitch. Im pretty hard to knock down. Despite being as bad off as I am, I do my own bandage changes and packing on my leg twice a day. I even took the stitches out of my knee today too. I can't walk or put any weight on my left leg, but I can pick my body up so it'd easier for them and less painful for me with the bed pan.