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The Retardest Thread: Fashionably Late Edition.
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2018-05-25 at 2:12 AM UTCAh man, Lanny finally realized that TSTM's original username showed up in quote boxes
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2018-05-25 at 2:14 AM UTC
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2018-05-25 at 2:22 AM UTCWell, regardless what you think, I didn't intentionally let this fester. Nobody assumed until blood cultures and ct scans that this was infection. Not even doctors or nurses. I did seek medical attention in a timely manner in the beginning. They even ruled out blood clot. I begged the er doc to do a ct but he wouldn't and just sent me home.
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2018-05-25 at 2:24 AM UTC
Originally posted by hydromorphone Well, regardless what you think, I didn't intentionally let this fester. Nobody assumed until blood cultures and ct scans that this was infection. Not even doctors or nurses. I did seek medical attention in a timely manner in the beginning. They even ruled out blood clot. I begged the er doc to do a ct but he wouldn't and just sent me home.
Why the fuck are you still alive, bitch? -
2018-05-25 at 2:27 AM UTC
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2018-05-25 at 2:43 AM UTC
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2018-05-25 at 3:40 AM UTCFeels terrifying when you're feeling so much dysphoria and other negative feelings and thoughts that you know it's pushing you to the edge and there's no one or nothing that will save you. I'm afraid of becoming weak when faced with death. I've been having thoughts that if I'd just had a loving family, been diagnosed and helped earlier, had a better environment, hadn't gone down this path of extreme isolation, alienation, and constant rumination, this could have been avoided.
Right now I feel that I don't want to die, but that going through life feeling like this is far worse. I don't even have anyone IRL that I can talk to. There's that feeling that I just want to be part of a loving family and have someone hold me. Going up against death feeling completely alone is a horrible burden.
I wish there could have been some form of genetic testing that would have allowed parents to know whether there was too high a chance of their child's life leading to intense suffering and have them aborted. It feels like I suffered for 28 years for nothing.
The thing I'm proudest of is that I never reproduced and perpetuated this cycle, especially with the increased chance of them being born autistic. This is a special kind of hell. I've mentioned that in the past there were multiple times when I was on the verge of calling 911 just from how unbearable the suffering felt. It just doesn't get better for some people who have genuine disabilities, disorders in their brain or lower body. At least I can die knowing that I'll never be responsible for having created a life that can suffer as I have. -
2018-05-25 at 4:12 AM UTCI remember when you came from the ER with a mohawk and a smile on your face. Stop fucking torturing yourself by ruminating about how much you torture yourself and move on.
There have been times where you didn't feel that bad but you forgot about them. Move on. Don't drop out. You need to explore other ways of thinking because that is your biggest problem. You justify your suffering to yourself by the insane amount of research you have done but you fell for confirmation bias. Did you ever search for happiness? No. You just wanted to justify your suffering.
Be like §m£ÂgØL and play the ukulele for some geese or some shit like that. Stop doing what you are doing now and do the exact opposite. Don't kill yourself because you're afraid of being wrong.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2018-05-25 at 4:16 AM UTCIt feels like autism and the life I had just robbed me of nearly everything that makes life worth living for normal people. There's no cure, it's just a matter of completely accepting the terrible state you're in. Nearly all I do is suffer largely because of the way I was born. My life feels completely hollow.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2018-05-25 at 4:17 AM UTCGood fucking God
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2018-05-25 at 4:20 AM UTCFUCKING you guys. I wanna have gay sex with one member here. Doesn't matter who.
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2018-05-25 at 4:20 AM UTCI suddenly wish I was a dude.
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2018-05-25 at 4:22 AM UTCMalus why haven't you an-heroed yet? I can come to San Francisco and beat your dumb mugged mother fucking ass into a pulp, you shit eating faggot retard. You can try to mean mug me and aspie screech in an attempt at self defence.
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2018-05-25 at 4:24 AM UTC
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2018-05-25 at 4:24 AM UTC
Originally posted by RisiR † I remember when you came from the ER with a mohawk and a smile on your face. Stop fucking torturing yourself by ruminating about how much you torture yourself and move on.
There have been times where you didn't feel that bad but you forgot about them. Move on. Don't drop out. You need to explore other ways of thinking because that is your biggest problem. You justify your suffering to yourself by the insane amount of research you have done but you fell for confirmation bias. Did you ever search for happiness? No. You just wanted to justify your suffering.
Be like §m£ÂgØL and play the ukulele for some geese or some shit like that. Stop doing what you are doing now and do the exact opposite. Don't kill yourself because you're afraid of being wrong.
No, I was wrong, there was no real breakthrough and it didn't last long at all. I was never even happy to begin with that time, the smile was just for the pic.
My standard life was just so horrible that being in the hospital having people talk to me and try to help me felt better than that. On the verge of a seizure from nearly killing myself with alcohol, IVs, ECG pads, having a guard watching over me at all times because I admitted I was suicidal.
It was just the lower level of suffering, being in a different environment, admitting I needed help, that made me feel better than normal, but I still felt terrible. It was only by comparison that it was better.
This is one of the worst and most meaningless lives I could have lead. At least if I was suffering for something greater, some goal, I could endure it, but it just drained the life out of me, robbed everything of all meaning. -
2018-05-25 at 4:25 AM UTC
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2018-05-25 at 4:27 AM UTCYour life is fucking hollow because you don't give it any meaning by thinking how bad you got it. Over and over and over again. You have to break that cicle.
You think you know the fear of death but you actually fear life so much more. You contemplate suicide and lose yourself in the thought because it keeps away the thing you really fear. Life itself. I believe you are just as close to actually living as you are to death. Actually, you are just one fucking decision away from both.
Don't end something you haven't even started and fucking live you nigger. -
2018-05-25 at 4:27 AM UTC
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2018-05-25 at 4:27 AM UTC
Originally posted by Captain Malus why haven't you an-heroed yet? I can come to San Francisco and beat your dumb mugged mother fucking ass into a pulp, you shit eating faggot retard. You can try to mean mug me and aspie screech in an attempt at self defence.
I guess I wanted to give it one last chance with college, but the way I feel just doesn't change, it's getting worse.
It's extremely difficult and terrifying to go up against what we evolved to fear and avoid the most, death.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2018-05-25 at 4:30 AM UTC
Originally posted by RisiR † Your life is fucking hollow because you don't give it any meaning by thinking how bad you got it. Over and over and over again. You have to break that cicle.
You think you know the fear of death but you actually fear life so much more. You contemplate suicide and lose yourself in the thought because it keeps away the thing you really fear. Life itself. I believe you are just as close to actually living as you are to death. Actually, you are just one fucking decision away from both.
Don't end something you haven't even started and fucking live you nigger.
There's just nothing I enjoy or see any meaning in. That's the problem. What am I supposed to do? I don't seem to derive anything positive from people and can't sustain relationships with them, and there's just nothing left.
