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Posts by hydromorphone
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2019-03-17 at 7:09 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro EditionHappy st Patricks day, niggas.
It was a good night.
The guppy part of town was silent as a a cemetary this morning which is not the usually. There was many a hangover down there lol. -
2019-03-16 at 11:03 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro EditionOh god, this whole week has been insane.
Just to the posts about my son, just know he's safe, we'll taken care of, and I accept the fact that due to my pain, and thus physical dependency to opioids, he is better off without me. I love him above everything in this universe, I would give him anything I could, but due to the pain, I have failed him, and everyone I love.
I don't think you all realize, I rarely get "high", and if I do it truly is an accident when trying a new batch. I HATE being put of control. Thats why I don't drink, and rarely use benzos,and only them with legit anxiety attacks. I've given A LOT of benzos away. §m£ÂgØL can vouche for that if he would be honest.
I don't have any way to call or text BPHR ATM, I just wanted to say "I love you", if you read this. I hope you're well, sweetie. If I'm honest, I'm not, not at all. I'm veryfucked up mentally. I miss you a lot.
I'm homeless by choice right now. I'm hoping I die out here. The unfortunate part is I actually have a friend who cares and is very invested in me not dying, and looking out for me for some stupid reason. I should feel lucky, I guess. I don't though.
I really miss you, BPHR. If you see this, I hope you would PM me. Take care. Be safe. I pray for you always. I love you always. -
2019-03-13 at 6:20 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro Edition
Originally posted by Octavian Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get sorted. It's pathetic your whining about the passing of others who actually wanted to live whilst you're sat in some shit hole with your so called "friends" slowly killing yourself. It actually annoys me you saying you wanted to "save" Malice.
HELP YOUR KIDS BY GETTING YOUR ACT TOGETHER. Fucking ungrateful shit. Malice would have actually agreed with that statement. He had no one.
Actually, Malice pretty much told me the opposite.
Sadly, my friend whom I'm going to pretty much team up with for some partners in crime type shit (not really, but anyway) is far more positive than I've ever been in my entire life. God, he's so happy go lucky, it makes me sick sometimes.
Originally posted by Solstice Malice wasn't an idiot, he made a calculated scientific assessment of his condition and long term prognosis and decided he wasn't interested in experiencing that so he opted to end his life now rather than endure needless suffering. He was a capable person and didn't really need "help" in my opinion because his decision wasn't made in a rash, irresponsible and emotional manner. It was made after careful planning and research.
The attitude that all people who reach the point Malice did need to be "saved" is what gets dignified death practices such a bad rep. A person can decide that they no longer find life worth living while still being of a clear and sound mind. No one has the right to tell someone that they have no say in whether they continue their own life or not.
I actually agree with this, but it still doesn't mean I don't wish I had a magic wand and could do SOMETHING to help someone, or fix something. Sure, I'm helpless in that, but my inner yearning is to want to minimize the suffering of people I care about, and I cared a lot about Malice. -
2019-03-13 at 5:30 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro EditionYou know, it just hit me that Malice REALLY is gone... like... I knew he was gone. I knew it in my heart of hearts he went through with it... like, I felt a disturbance in the force or some shit, but to KNOW, without that sliver of doubt being there, that little "maybe I'm wrong... I don't think I am, but I hope so..." really hits hard.
I was in a nursing home, not having access to WiFi for what seemed an eternity when BPHR read to me Malice's post. I immediately began crying. I nearly lost it... I knew then there was nothing I could do but I so desperately wanted to.
I don't know now that I want to "save" Malice, but I just wish I could have helped his suffering... I guess because I suffer so similarly... I wish someone would save me or just put me out of my misery.
I've learned one thing, love is really the only thing that matters. When it boils down, that's all we really want. I think that's what Malice wanted, but was too afraid to find. Hell, even for me, intimacy is a scary thing. I don't blame him. Honestly, if I had any sense, I should be just as frightened of it as he was. It hurts. It scars like no other.
I miss Malice a lot. I miss talking to him, asking him advice... the guy helped me A LOT, and I really appreciate the time he took. I wish I could have helped he 1/10th as much as he helped me even...
I've just said fuck it all, I'm just not as brave as he is. My son is going to have a good life, so that's all that matters. I wrote him a letter for when he's older and can understand. I'm going to miss him a lot. It breaks my heart, but it's for the best most likely. I finally did take the advice of the forum...
Now nothing matters... that's why I'm just going to live a life where I hopefully won't be alive too long. I at least know someone I can trust, so I won't be alone in this misery.
Too bad I fuck up the life I want, now this is what I get. This is what I deserve. I accept my fate. I'm just gonna go until I kill myself or someone on the street kills me. -
2019-03-13 at 3:05 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro Edition
Originally posted by GHOSTFACE I thought they prescribed you stuff so you didnt have to slam whatever that gay halfassed opiate that was that ate up your veins?
How are you making money for H now?
They don't write what helps/what my tolerance is with this fucked pain management place. I sell my script and use the money to turn around and buy dope.
The dope here is fucking so damn good, at least right now. I swear, no matter how easy I try to go on it, it always catches me, and I hit the floor the first shot, it seems.
I was going to turn my life around, choose life, all that cliché bullshit not that long ago but... fuck that. I'm just gonna hang with my two buddies who helped hold me down when I was dope sick as fuck, and live the degenerate junkie life until I die. Probably of HIV, maybe my infection in my bone (osteomyelitis in femur and knee), or the DVTs/PEs I have going on and won't go away on warfrin alone and I really don't give a fuck about going back to get my INR checked. Fingers crossed for a stroke. -
2019-03-13 at 1:10 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro EditionI'm a fucking retard. Queen of the 'tards as a matter of fact. I don't know how I went through so much dope in 2 days and am still alive.
I fuck up every plan I make. Going to be in WDs tonight, but gonna go meet with my buddy tomorrow to get more. Maybe this time I can actually just do it.
Fuck hope. I don't know why in the fuck I hang on to it. -
2019-03-09 at 5:10 AM UTC in Best heroin you've ever gotten...
Originally posted by GGG Good mothers don't prostitute themselves and they don't shoot up heroin with vagrants.
Neither action hurts anyone. I could be doing all sorts of fucked shit, some of which is socially acceptable, that does hurt others, but I don't, but some how what I do makes me a bad mother? You're so ducked in the head there.
Also, just because someone is homeless doesn't make them bad people, or lazy. I'm lucky I only landed like that for a short period of time, it's sad that so many, due to no action on their own, lands them there. One guy, he lost his mind when his wife killed herself. I met his father, that legitimately happened. I seen the obituary, and his marriage license. Fucking sad. Another, he got a drug charge. Drug court ended up fucking him. He didn't hurt anyone, but his whole life is ruined overy treating his very real chronic pain issues (dude is 67 years old).
Originally posted by GGG That's what doctors are for. They give opiates for legitimate conditions. If you can't get it, then use something like Crouton which is cheap and affordable. Or doctor shop until you get it. You should, if you have a legitimate diagnosed condition. Heroin is not sustainable unless you have money and assured purity. Hydro has neither.
I have plenty of firsthand stories of hydro being a neglectful, shitty mother, but there's really no reason to type it up. She'll just deny everything even though I have pictures and videos and recordings and logs that I have offered many times to upload them. I have a hand written, blood signed letter from her saying that she's sorry for threatening to make a false rape claim on me. This is the kind of person she is. She only cares about herself and her drugs. I mean she's already lost custody for it once before.
The mere fact that she used drugs while pregnant says a lot. If she can't function without fucking heroin then she should give her kid up for adoption like she should've done from day 1.
That costs money. Lots of money. If it were so easy, and I had the money to do it, I wouldn't have an issue. I actually do get oxycodone, and dilaudid prescribed. That was the first doctor I walked into after being hospitalized this last time and they aren't even known for writing narcotics except to cancer patients. I can't walk without a cane. I can't go that far either. I have more than enough reasons for any doctor to see why I need pain management with opioids. -
2019-03-09 at 4:59 AM UTC in Best heroin you've ever gotten...
Originally posted by Jυicebox Can't speak for quality differences as I've only ever gotten heroin from DNM or as an alternative form of payment, and honestly wasn't all that impressed. Worked wonders for insomnia though
Only reason I came here was to say that I don't think unreacted morphine is the cause of added euphoria from BTH. When I shot morphine it was just like weaker heroin with a stronger histamine reaction and hallucinations
Maybe it's 6-MAM?
That's it, that's the ticket. I couldn't recall what it was, but now you mention it, I remember now. It is the 6-MAM. At least that's what I recall reading that mentioned causing more euphoria with black tar dope.
Originally posted by gadzooks And a caveat to go with all this…
Much of the research into this phenomenon has discovered hundreds of overdose deaths caused by taking identical dosages in extraordinarily different circumstances.
This aint no placebo tier shit.
You know, for me though, I've done the same exact shit in an unfamiliar area/dangerous spot, and well... it didn't do for me what I wanted. I find when I am less stressed, it works better.
I always thought a huge reason I've had issues with ODing, and anxiety period, has been because I make massive amounts of adrenaline, especially I'm fucky situations. I think it's why I've always needed higher doses than the average bear too. IDK, but I do know when shit goes down, I get up when everyone else is on the floor. This really ducks up any euphoria and pain relief I might get from most opioids. T-PAIN helped a bit in this area I think, but then again, I still had a lot of stress, I just wasn't as depressed. -
2019-03-07 at 7:18 PM UTC in Best heroin you've ever gotten...
Originally posted by GGG Mother of the year
Yeap, and my child wants for nothing. I self medicate so I can function and be there for him. Once they cut my pain script, I had to make the switch. It keeps me out of the hospital so I can be there for him. Finally found a drug that works to keep my INR where it needs to be. Now I can manage my pain appropriately, and do what he needs, and what he wants to do. Without opioids, there's no way I'd be able to take him to the park, or zoo when he wants to go.
You can give me shit for my management of my pain, but my I know the truth, and I know my son is being well taken care of.
I don't know what possesses you to go on in a harassing nature, somehow thinking you're going to make me feel bad for what I have to do to function and be a mother to my child.
Originally posted by DietPiano WHY DO YOU HEAT THE SPOON???
I believe it's to mix the shit with the water, although cold cooking is do-able, but it's never as good IMO when it's done that way, although that's with powder. I wouldn't think it would cause more bacteria growth.
I had tar and never heated it cuz I heard it gets more bacteria that way.
Casper told me about a micronenhancement that fits on the end of insulin rigs that had helped stopped friends of his from getting abscesses from skin popping and shit. I believe he said they're on amazon. I'm gonna try and find it and get one. They're 15$, but reusable.
(Hey, Casper, if you have a link, that'd be great, buddy. Thanks.) -
2019-03-07 at 1:35 AM UTC in Best heroin you've ever gotten...
Originally posted by gadzooks It's been so long for me I couldn't really speak too much to any subtle variations in quality.
Interestingly, though, I have yet to (but never will at this point) try black tar heroin.
Mine always came in powder form (ranging from dark brown to nearly white).
All I've done is powder too. Mine has always been medium brown to nearly white. I've had what's called 'raw', and then there is 'scramble'. Raw is usually better but I've had some really good scramble too, but not as often. The scramble is usually near white.
Now in the spoon, when heat hits it, a lot of it turns a dark brown color. I've also got stuff that has greenish specs in it that appear right as it warms up and then mixes, turning light to dark brown. It was good dope though.
What region of the country did you get your dope in?
Originally posted by DietPiano Powder was meh. Onky had a g (before I had bth) and wasn't very impressed.
Tried tar and fell in love.
I'd love to try tar. The people I did talk to that did get tar a while back said it was fire. I recall reading that there is some sort of morphine shit that is left over in the tar that isn't in powder from the manufacturing process that makes it much more enjoyable, but I haven't ever tried to be able to speak to that.
What part of the country did you get your shit in? Was the powder in one place and the tar in another?
I've tried dope that came from FL and DE. The DE dope SUCKED BADLY. no wonder they have people ODing left and right. The baggies aren't even the strength of a loratab, so I could see them finally getting good shit, and them having a low tolerance due to the dirt dope here and dropping like a fly. A friend who's still in DE told me that 3 people died from ODing recently (a month or two ago), and not that long ago they arrested 90+ people in one little area related to selling dope and guns and shit. Crazy shit.
The shit in FL was reasonably good. It's hard to say since my tolerance was sky high prior because of T-PAIN use, but now that it's lower, dope is definitely the better alternative for me since the price has gone through the roof on T-PAIN. On T-PAIN I never could even feel dope. The most I got out if it was doing massive amounts and just not shitting myself from WDs. Now I've gotten shit where I've actually passed out using. -
2019-03-07 at 1:21 AM UTC in OFFICIAL Cool Kids Club registrylol cool kids club...
More like faggot kids club.
I'll pass. I don't join any clubs or get involved in any such faggotry. -
2019-03-06 at 9:34 PM UTC in Best heroin you've ever gotten...Baltimore has seriously good shit. I mean, yeah, you gotta know where to go, what hole to wander into, but overall, it's not hard at all to find good fucking shit there.
What about you? Where did you get your shit (east coast or west?)
Also, why doesn't the east coast get black tar? Someone said it had to do with the weather being too wet or something. That a while back they had some for a short period of time, but it went fast and it hasn't been on the streets since. Another person told me that it can be found, but it's rare, and won't be found on the streets. You gotta go through the right people. That's in Baltimore though. Anyone got a better reason than that? I figured it's just locational, since most shit comes in through the port/BWI from SE Asia... where I guess tar comes from mexico/south america and floats in more in the west coast areas.
Anyway... let's discuss dope, people. -
2019-03-04 at 8:41 PM UTC in Have you ever been homeless- story time/advice threadI was briefly homeless recently. I was lucky I found two good friends, the only people homeless in the city who actually weren't theieves and alright people. They held me down, showed me the ropes and took care of me big time.
I owe them a lot and don't plan on forgetting it. I will have a surprise forb them soon enough.
The cold, rain, and snow was the worst. Plus people who treat you less than human. We ended up crashed in an abandoned row home for a bit. It was awful, but at least I never spent a single day dope sick. -
2019-03-04 at 3:46 AM UTC in Have you ever been homeless- story time/advice threadOkay folks, this thread is abut you all telling us about your homeless adventures.
How long did you rough it on the street. Preferably, I'd like to hear your stories involving homelessness that didn't involve sleeping out of your car and shit. I'm talking like REAL homelessness where you actually had to sleep on corners, parking garages, ally ways, and abandoned buildings.
Was it by choice? What happened to land you in that boat?
How did you manage, particularly in winter and in snow and shitty cold weather?
Did you enjoy it or at least parts of it? If you're not currently homeless, what happened that got you off the streets?
Also, what city was it in? What were the resources like there? Did you puss out and go to shelters?
Go on... I wanna hear your stories if you have any worth telling regarding the topic. -
2019-02-06 at 2:51 AM UTC in Which one would you choose and why?They both look like they could be piss... I choose neither.I don't like Apple juice anyway even If this wasn't piss we are picking between. Apple juice always upsets my stomach.
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2019-02-04 at 5:58 AM UTC in Can you please help me find a new forum, I don’t belong here
Originally posted by Mewsik I have absolutely no problem apologizing when I’m wrong. However, you person are incorrect in regards to me assuming or basing my opinions on what other people say about other posters.
My opinions are based on my direct interactions with posters, and what they say about themselves. If there is a grey area that I might not understand or phrasing that possibly could be misconstrued, I will ask a poster either privately or quote and ask within a thread.
Hydros posts were word for word verbatim of another posters post. Not from a darn thing I have posted.
I don’t demand shit .. quote MY posts or threads and please do not post links to them .. and I’m happy to listen and comment or apologies if one is in order.
I will not however, entertain in anyway the bullshit others have posted.
I honestly didn't see what I posted as "verbatim" (and adding in 'word for word' just literally had you repeating yourself there... but that's fine, don't take it offensively.). I had posted what I had because I have seen what you've posted in this thread and others, your responses to others, and just how you've conducted yourself (mainly in this thread and the one where you were petitioning for rules, as far as conducting yourself goes.) That's where I formed my opinion's regarding you.
I have no idea what issues you've had with other users from DH. I have zero idea what all that drama is about. Now, I believe I've agreed with some of those users in some comment's though, but I haven't in so much as what they're claiming from your past DH history.
If you're thinking that I'm claiming you're a raging alcoholic from that part of my post, I am not, for all I know you're a raging alcoholic or you're a non drinking mormon. That's why I said "as you're claiming", because well, that IS what you've claimed. I have no idea, but what I do know is what you've said, that you do drink ocasionally, and in moderation, I believe. Correct me if I am wrong to the last statement of what I believe you've stated.
You seem to me someone who is very quick to judge, and very quick to shut down dialog. That's just what I've gathered from our brief interactions. Feel free to prove me wrong on that if you want to,or it means anything to you. I don't expect you to on either case though, and I do expect to see the picture I've formulated from this brief encounter to be reinforced, but again, I would be happy to see the opposite.
If you knew anything about me on this forum ,you'd know that I'm a person who's been shat on, had false shit spread about them, had previous ex boyfriend's drag me and my reputation through the mud, and that I'm typically considered to be a relatively nice person, even to people who have spread lies, and otherwise treated me like shit in the past. I'm one of the people who will put down a grudge or argument when I see someone is in need where they're dealing with a fucked up crisis of sorts. Having said that, I know I not some super wonderful, do no wrong, as I have and I try to go on and a be a better person from those mistakes I've made. As being that sort of person on here, I'm the last to pass judgement on anybody. If I am wrong, I will gladly admit so. That's why I use a lot of terminology of 'it seems','from what I see',and such. I know that my perception can be skewed,it can be off, and I can be wrong.
You've wrongly assumed that I've taken my perception of you from other DH users. You've wrongly said that I've repeated 'word for word,verbatim' what others have said (though you never did say who I repeated, or what post they are from). You seem to think that I'm out trying to judge you, which is definitely wrong. You said yourself that you're unhappy here because there are those of us who suffer from mental illnesses, drug users, and other fringe culture/behaviour. To me, that comes off as you feeling too superior, and above us. You've mentioned several times about wallowing in our pigsty (or some variation of that), and if that doesn't express 'I am better than these people' in the context that you have used, then I don't know what else does. All I said was that I felt some offense at you being too superior to converse with us lowly mentally ill, autistic, drug users, who have fringe hobbies. If I were to say to you 'I need to find somewhere else where there isn't people like YOU', and to go on with some more insulting things about you... I would think you'd be offended. Most people would, so it shouldn't come as a surprise when people do.
I guess too, what I don't get is that I've been pretty polite in my replies,and retorts to you, but regardless, you pretty much have shut that dialog down. It's rather funny considering those who've been obviously, and outright rude not getting shut down. I wonder why that is? -
2019-02-02 at 5:13 AM UTC in Risir stopped posting because his ugliness was showing in front of CandyRein...
Originally posted by CandyRein Risir the sexy azz mofo that’s hilarious and intelligent and kind and ya
*raises eyebrows up and down*
Ya bow down to my Daddy
I love Riser too. He's a good guy. In the beginning we started on rocky ground, but I think we grew on each other. I hope he's doing okay. I worry 'bout ma nigga.
User was banned for saying the taboo phrase "rock"! -
2019-02-02 at 3:28 AM UTC in Can you please help me find a new forum, I don’t belong here
Originally posted by Mewsik I don’t expect you to know who I am, and as you’ve stated right here no one gives a fuck.
So I won’t bore you with any of that, as it seems your perception of me has inspired a healthy dose of cathartic writing and appreciation for your peeps. That’s a good thing, so I’m happy to not attempt to kill that buzz.
I did need to point out one little thing .. this site was advertised by a poster on DH and discribed as abandoned. It was an invitation of sorts.
Next time I refrain from putting sugar in my mouth, I’m going to tell that sugar I am too good for it.. I’m going to try on that phrase, since that is all it is … see how it feels. Who knows, maybe you just provided me a new tool.
I never said I don't give a fuck who you are, hell, I'm open to talking to and discussing with almost anyone. That's what I love about our little tight knit community, it's full of diverse people. Some like Lanny who's high on the hog, and others far down on their luck.
My issue is that you seem to not be happy here because most of us suffer from some sort of mental disorder, and some partake of chemicals you seem to have issue with, despite the ingestion of more socially acceptable chemicals, even if that may be not regularly, as you claim.
People can't help their mental issues. I get that you might not like everyone, every discussion. I certainly don't, but overall, I accept, and enjoy the kinship with a lot of folks here.
I don't mean to come off as a cunt, or being an asshole, but it's a but insulting when you come off demeaning those struggling as being too good to associate with, too good to converse with.
I hope you do find somewhere that suits you better,but coming off as you've done, and then going on about wanting rules implimented on a forum you say you want no part of... that's kinda screwy. -
2019-02-01 at 2:31 AM UTC in What is the longest amount of time you have continuously laid in bed?
Originally posted by WellHung That's appropriate of you to recommend heroin to someone… junkies love company, i guess…👍
I actually prefer to be alone. Call me whatever you like, I just deal with a lot of pain, and using an opioid pain medication/drugs to reduce that pain as much as possible (even with opioids I still deal with pain, and often pretty high up there) is how I cope. Walk in my shoes, and you'd probably be singing a different tune. I try to not judge others pain. My reply was at him saying he didn't have the good stuff. I don't know what his pain level was like when he was sick. Not so long ago codiene cough syrup was pretty commonly prescribed for the common cold/flu... when one can't get one thing, there's always an alternative, just dosage is key here and where a lot of people would fuck up. -
2019-02-01 at 2:21 AM UTC in Mother who beat her newborn baby to death and stuffed it inside a teddy bear is jailed for just a YEAR in SwitzerlandYeah, beating the baby to death was seriously fucked up, but it probably wouldn't have survived anyway as it was born premature. If there was a crime, it was not euthanizing it more humanely.