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Posts by hydromorphone

  1. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    Oh and is malice alive? It seems odd he hasn't posted in a bit.
  2. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    Oh! Fuck niggas! I got shit buried in them woods! Bringing a shovel with me next time I go. I fucking forgot all about that.
  3. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    I haven't been there since I was 16 and that was brief trip itself, before that I was 13. This was a quick pass by. I wish I had got the chance to go back through the woods I grew up playing in and so did my father to see if our treestands were still rotting there. I didn't know I was going until I was there so it caught me off guard too. I could live the rest of my life without going back, I've not really desired to go but damn, it sure was a shock to be standing on the street I grew up on, where I learned to ride a bike, where I walked home from school everyday, my best friend growing up, his house being right in front of me again... Fucking weird feelings I didn't expect to have. So much changed, yet so much stayed the same.
  4. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    lmfao §m£ÂgØL got more worked up when I threatened to mail him drugs than when I threatened to send cat shit. Little did I know he was getting high huffing the litter box.
  5. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    I've been saying for months that I need to trip. I'd rather just be by myself and my thoughts, fuck people. I tripped on shrooms with my baby once (yes, there was someone sober nearby) and it was really amazing looking at him and watching him distort into all sorts of shit. I gained a lot of appreciation for things that trip.. It was shortly after my husband and I split and that certainly was for the better.
  6. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    Okay, wasn't expecting that ^, had coke shoot out my nose when I read that. Now I'm having to make some shit up for why I laughed so hard I had soda spew everywhere.
  7. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    ^the faglord who ran intosanctuary.
  8. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    Look, I know that I am far from being mother of the year or giving my son everything in life he deserves. We all have failings, we all fuck up, and shit seems to never work out the way it should... Its TRYING is what counts at being a good parent. There have been so many times that shit has gotten so overwhelming for me and I literally wanted to lay down and die... And I'm sure at some point those feelings will flood back again at a later date...

    But tell me, Bill Krozby, what is it that you've had to deal with involving this child other than paying support to her? You didn't give birth to her, you didn't have to spend everyday changing a million diapers, feeding, bathing, entertaining and keeping her safe, did you? Not sure how old she is, but you never dealt with the sleepless nights because she was colicy, teething, or sick or have to drop everything to take her to the doctor, or find some way to comfort her. Or how about the babysitters who flake out and you're running in circles to find someone to watch her so you can go to that job she is depending on you to go to so she has a roof over her head and food in her belly? Maybe you have done some of these things, but it certainly doesn't appear as though you have or even understand the hardships of such efforts in raising a child.

    Maybe I should of had an abortion with my
    son... I often wonder if I chose correctly, and like you, I was lied to, maybe different lies, but lies that certainly influenced my choices on abortion or adoption and its easy for those people to say "oh its not my fault" or "you would've made the same choice anyway" but those people aren't the ones carrying the entire burden of their actions or influences on their back like I am, either.

    If you gave a single fuck or took an ounce of responsibility for your actions or your child, you wouldn't be just signing your parental rights away and bitching about the money you spent on your daughter and how YOU got nothing out of it- like Lanny said, its not for you to get something from, its for your daughter to benefit from. You made choices, you chose to have sex without a condom despite whatever she may have told you, you still are doing that now according to your other threads... Have you gotten a vesesctomy? Maybe you should if you haven't. I made choices for where I am at now too, and while I wish things could be different I am going to keep trying for my son, and be the best mother that I can be for him and if I ever check out of that obligation its going to be because I've checked out of life as well. I feel sorry for you that you didn't even feel your child was worth fighting for, that she was worth anything to you- sure, she is missing out on a father bit from being a mother who has been there raising my baby, I can tell you, you're missing out on things that are special in life and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. You could have spent the same money on that lawyer and faught to see her more, to be in her life more. You said she lives far away? Oh, does that mean that you'd had to have skipped going to a concert or bar one night so you could have drove up to see her? That's part of life. It sucks, but decent people make effort to be in their offsprings life, despite all the inconveniences. Moving closer was another option.

    I at least know that I'm trying to make my son's life as best it can be with or without his father. At least he will grow up knowing someone cared and someone tried with their all and sacrificed much to make things better for them.
  9. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    Hmm, never really even heard of GHB in the real world tbh. I dabbled in meth a little but not much. It was just a 'get and go' thing so never hung out with other users. I used weed and opiates to come down and honestly never used a lot to begin with.. Just enough to get some motivation and get shit done. If I got meth, I had a plan to do some big project that required some umf to get off the ground. Interesting though... Don't think I'd ever touch it, but the more you know...
  10. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    *rolls eyes* oh yes.. I attack you in all your threads, you poor thing.
  11. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    Good for you! Just because I can't doesn't mean I wouldn't want others to enjoy something. :) was it brown gravy or white gravy? I usually prefer white gravy but if its a good home made sort of brown gravy then that can be good too. Ohh.. Have you ever had chipped beef in gravy on toast? That is some fucking good shit right there if its made right (using the cheap dried beef for it sucks, it makes it too salty).
  12. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    lol just because I am going on a date doesn't mean I am having sex. As a matter of fact, I'm not getting involved with anyone sexually at all nor have I ever dated anyone online- I met §m£ÂgØL as a friend and it was after we met up IRL that anything came of anything and like over a year before we actually tried a relationship. If it wasn't for the people I am living with and constant texts, I wouldn't be going and I might make an excuse not to go anyway. I can get bud if I really really wanted to, I just figured that if he wants to go out so bad that at least I'd get a nice buzz and have a decent time drinking- I rarely drink to begin with or go out for that matter. I've never liked parties for all the people and attention I did get- its a chore to pretend to be happy around so many people I barely know. Company is one thing with a person or two, but a whole crowd of people isn't for me. It doesn't matter what you think or how you feel about my life, relationships, appearance, or this other guy who I can tell you is miles above you and most of the shit people on this site.

    You're one of those people who will always try to tear people down in an attempt to make them feel as shitty as you feel. I feel sorry for people like you, who seem to gloat at other peoples trials and tribulations and want to break down any sort of meaning or perceived happiness someone may have or possibly see attaining in the near future. I'm sorry your life is so shallow that you need to revel in the fact that people you barely know, who truthfully don't give a fuck about you, "Like" you at parties- as if that's some sort of achievement. I'm so sorry my comment on getting weed soon and hoping for a good time offended you so much.

    As for having a child and my time to enjoy life being over, well, sorry to tell you that you're wrong. Most of the enjoyment in life I get is from my son and most the time I would rather be doing something with him than pretending I like to be around people I don't. Sorry you probably will never understand that. I feel really bad for you- I hope you find some meaning and satisfaction in your life that is more than trying to tear people down and pretend to be liked.

    Also, Actor, why has it been forever since you got any bud? Probation? Bad connections? Just not giving a fuck? The latter would be my reason in a nutshell.
  13. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    LMFAO I can't help but post in this thread. Oh god, Bill Krozby, wtf... Not everybody gets fired from jobs. I've never in my life been fired from a job and every job I've left, I could always go back to with the management being happy to have me back. Sure, I've not had any great or wonderful jobs (save for the one I truly enjoyed when I worked with horses everyday) but its not hard to go in, smile, do your job and go home- we all have bad days, but fuck, who is going to bitch about a dumbass shirt? Or not shave when you tell them you're going to? You could have at least told them you don't shave for religious reasons and made them provide you with beard nets.

    As for coworkers checking on you... Some people just feel sorry for dumbasses like you and think its the right thing to do even if they don't like you.

    So, in case you decide to actually not be a complete asshole- why won't you have to pay child support anymore, of is this just temporary? Is the mother of your child getting married and her soon to be husband adopting the child? Will you be giving up parental rights after bitching about paying support for your child and not getting to see her?

    I say this trying to give you positive advice- take a look at your life, a serious look, doing as best as you can to analyze it from a third perspective and see the mistakes and flaws you have made and continue to make and try and formulate a plan to end the cycle of mistakes that continue to bring you grief and create new habits that do the opposite and bring you joy- not just superficial joy, but long term happiness. Obviously, being a dick at work isn't doing it. Hopefully, you'll rise above your is spastic 'tard mentality and use this advice to better yourself.. Though I am not holding my breath.
  14. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    Lol dying for religion... Religion that has been established to control the masses. That is hilarious if it wasn't what so many people have done before- faught and died for old manuscripts preaching hate, disguised as love and kindness to your fellow man. Whatever floats your boat, I guess, that essentially what ISIS is doing anyway, the same thing just on the otherside.
  15. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    I haven't been having a real apetite in months. I've been going 2-5 days at a time without eating. Since hanging with these old people I've been drinking a cup of coffee each morning with cream and sugar just so I don't get a caffeine headache, but most days, as far as calories are concerned, that's all I consume. I've been dropping weight like crazy. None of my clothes fits me at all. I've had to borrow a belt from the old guy I live with just to keep my pants up. They've even bought me new clothes and just in a week they are too big for me. Nothing seems to be appetizing. I wish I could eat, but I look at food and it turns my stomach, I feel nauseous. Now and again, something will strike me and I'll eat but its almost always days and days apart. Ive tried to eat in between but I either feel sick all day after or end up throwing it up, so now I just eat when I feel I can. I don't know what is wrong with me- I probably have cancer or something... I don't know, but unlike you, I do wish eating wasn't such a big issue for me. The people I am staying with keep nagging because I won't eat regularly and they don't understand why I can't eat (fuck, I dont even understand it).
  16. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    Oh and about getting these guys on T-PAIN lol. I think its great, and so do they. The old lady gets oxycodone 5mg, if her grandson doesn't steal them (for a while she was giving him and his mom most of her pills saving just a few for herself to get through the month and they bitched about that- how she didn't need them, so she stopped giving the pills to them, which I don't blame her one bit). She's said that shed rather just buy this, have me sell her script for her next month, put the money toward T-PAIN and "give me some spending money" with the left over profit. She gets 120 pills and they sell for 5$ each so that would be definitely a sweet arrangement, but I'm not going to take her money from her like that. They are pretty insistent on giving to me so I'm just going to tell her to save the money and put it up for a rainy day, incase they need anything OR (they won't argue with me on this one) the baby needs anything. I'm just gonna say to pick me up a bag of tobacco once in a while (it's under 15$) for my time to get rid of them- I've met someone who would buy most if not all the pills in one or two deals as well so that's covered, just waiting for her to go back to the doctor.

    I think its hilarious that anyone, including these old people that I've shared my drugs with, seems to be amazed with it- it sure beats the hell out of real opiates in its price point and how well it works, and icing on the cake is its ease and legal nature of acquiring it. I'm really happy I've been able to show both these people a way that is both affordable and attainable to not be in pain.
  17. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    First, I want one thing to be clear: my dad, he was never a piece of shit, nor treated me like shit. We didn't always see eye to eye, but he was a good man who lived to make my life happy. He genuinely loved and cared about me, he just suffered with his own chronic pain, health problems, and depression, especially at the end.

    I don't agree that anything before now was 'living my life' or that now is 'living life' either.

    I made a massive amount of bad choices in my life, but what I've been trying to do now, since I left Florida, is do all the things I've been dreaming of doing since I was a teenager and find some happiness and meaning in my life.

    My health isn't very good- some would believe I've chosen the health I have, but I haven't- I just don't believe, for myself, that some procedures that may lengthen my life are what I want to do or would give me more long term happiness in life. I won't undergo surgery of any sort that requires me to be put under or any procedure that would require a long period to rehabilitate from. I've seen my family deal with medical procedures that may have brought them a longer life, but the quality of which was questionable at best, hence my refusal for any serious medical procedures- I also believe a lot of doctors recommend procedures more for the money they make rather than the health benefit to the patient.

    I truly don't believe I have long left in this life. I don't forsee making it to my next birthday. I feel like I am on borrowed time as is. I don't want to sit and mop about it, I just want to enjoy what's left of the life I have. I know I wouldn't have the time to build memories for my son, but I do hope I can have pictures of us enjoying life while I am here for him to have when he is older and doesn't have me in his life. I also hope by trying to make the best of what I have will be a reminder to my son as he grows and is faced with the same choices I was faced with, that if you aren't busy being happy, and trying to make life what you want it to be, then its just all a waste. I hope he knows that trying to live for someone else is a waste of time too, people who want you to do that are using you anyway, and you, yourself won't ever find the satisfaction in life that'll make any of our actions worthwhile doing that. Its one thing to sacrifice, to help, but those big choices, like being stuck with someone because of guilt for years isn't doing any good for you or that person.

    I'm thinking, since life is short anyway, I'm going to work to set something up for these people so when I am gone (dead or off living my life) that they have what they need. I can't stay here forever and be happy, I know that. I just hope before its all over, I've achieved some happiness in this sad fucked up world.
  18. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    Well, fuck I was just asking. I've never messed with nor had any desire to use GHB. I was just wondering if that's what he was using or just what he told the rehab place. Its not everyday you meet a nigga who tells you he is abusing and was dependent on GHB. I believe in Canada it was given to treat opiate wds though... Not sure if they still do that or not. It doesn't matter, I was just curious. I really do hope your life pans its self out- its too short to be unhappy and miserable.
  19. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    You remind me of the little spastic 'tard in the 'special' class who constantly throws out insults and constantly is defending why he rides the short bus. Its funny and sad all at the same time. Poor little guys life sucks so bad he's got to try and tear down others just to make him feel like his life is something.
  20. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    Those recommendations to him are shit that is best combined with drug use... That does suck. This is why people avoid any kind of drug program- they are retarded. So what did you tell them as far as why you're there? Is this voluntary? Can you leave if you want? So how are they treating the seizures from.. GHB? Where the fuck were you getting that from anyway? Good luck. I wish you the best and hope those retards can help you.. Doesnt sound like it though.
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