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Posts by hydromorphone
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2017-11-21 at 2:45 PM UTC in im a jokeActor, you're not such bad a guy. What happened with finding work? Maybe go to your community college, get a PELL grant and do that in the meantime if you can't get a job right now for whatever reason, at least you will be doing something and maybe it'll help you get out of your funk, and back on track. You'll get a check too, so you'll have the money for books, gas to get there and shit... drugs if need be... so why not give that a go? Worst come to worst, go the first moth, get your check and don't go back. You can do it twice before the gig is up. You don't have to pay back the money either. It's worth a try. I was getting close to 2k a semester, especially if I applied for state grants too, which you need to apply early for those, and it's only like 200-500$, but still... it helps. It's not too god awful for going to school for 3-4months, and you get an education in the end if you keep up with it.
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2017-11-21 at 2:14 PM UTC in I feel like I could fall in love with anyome that isn't hedious.
Originally posted by Daily How is it possible to be in "several" abusive relationships? Are you fucking retarded or do you just hate yourself that much? Or do you enjoy it? Do you enjoy it when somebody "abuses" you, does it feel right, do you feel like you deserve it
I'm still loling at your boyfriend saying "How so?" when I pointed out the degeneracy in this thread
You people make me fucking sick
I'm 28. I'd say I've been in a handful of relationships with varying degrees of abuse. I only had one with physical abuse, which was really my first serious relationship. The others were varying degrees of manipulative shit, or psychological abuse on some level. All were very different from one another.
Retarded? I wouldn't say I'm retarded, but yes, I agree, I've done some retarded things. I've trusted too much, and hoped, and tried to have some semblance of peace and happiness in my life, and my biggest fault has been catering too much to the other's desires, and not taking in account my own happiness. I would say I have some self hatred, and it may have contributed in part to some of the shit I dealt with and put of with, feeling as though I deserved this hell, but I've never enjoyed or liked being abused and treated like shit, hence why I'm out, and not in a relationship at this current time, once I've come to see the shit for what it is, to see these people don't love or give a fuck about me, and that I'm just being leeched on, or used for some purpose. Manipulators are hard to people to get away from, and there were also so outside influences too that made leaving very, very hard.
Scrawny is definitely NOT my boyfriend. I don't ave anything personal against him, but he's not my type, not by a long shot.
Originally posted by NARCassist but this is what i mean. those things are what the people who are desperately seeking a relationship do. they go getting these ideas in their head of what their ideal partner will be like, like a fucking checklist. it ends up becoming like interviewing job applicants or summing. its like if they decide their ideal person would have blue eyes, they'll then immediately reject anyone with brown eyes without any consideration. unknowingly that perfect person could just happen to be somebody with brown eyes, and they'll never know coz they'll be busy chasing blue eyed idiots like a dog chasing its tail. its not about checklists and criteria's. its about gelling with somebody, you'll usually have a good idea about this within seconds of meeting that person. you will feel it immediately, you'll feel totally comfortable around them, like you can talk about anything and won't feel like you have to put on any mask or pretend to be somebody your not or have to do shit to impress them. and you'll feel that they feel it too. you'll feel that you really enjoy just being in their company. its completely different to being around a chick who is just hot and you're just thinking 'man i really wanna bang her', yet she's a total basic bitch who just jabbers on about dumb shit and is actually pretty annoying personality wise. yeah you can ignore that shit or even play along with it just to get in her pants, but being with her long term would be fucking horrible.
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Oh, dude, yes, I agree here too, especially on the physical appearance front. Personality and intellect are far more desirable qualities than looks. Beauty fades for everyone. One day we all are going to be old wrinkled prunes, better be an old wrinkled prune with someone you love and are happy with than some cunt who's probably ten times as ugly as the ugly old prunes, from all the tanning beds and dumbshit woman tend to do for the sake of looking "beautiful". I don't understand how people can look past someone's awful personality, just because they have a nice set of tits and a pretty face, and body, and still want to be with that. Or when people will over look someone on something like eye color, a little bit of weight, or some other physical imperfection, when they might have the greatest personality of all, and click with you better than anyone, thus making you happier than the 10/10 bitch. If you just want sex, then just go for sex, no need for the drama and leading on of relationships.
Originally posted by S the C No I don't like hydro anymore she ignored me and wouldn't send nudes. Neither did anyone else but hydro actually pissed me off the most somehow, at least kreepy Kay and kinkou talked to me.
I was too shy to talk to HTS at first but then after we became friends I fell madly in love with her and even offered to fly her to my city to hang out with me on my birthday.
Now we are best friends and lovers. The past is the past, the future is bright.
And you're just a Debbie Downer troll faggot go kill yourself, your probably just an alt anyways.
Well, you don't have any reason to be pissed off now, everything worked out for the best, didn't it? You got HTS, and HTS has got you, and you all can live happily ever after. I'm really happy for you guys, especially since HTS seem to be going through a bit of depression and loneliness, I'm glad she's got someone she's happy with. I don't send nudes to just anyone, and if I do, it means I really trust that person, care and love them. It was nothing personal, I'm just weird like that. I tried to be nice, but ultimately was in a bad place at the time, and especially didn't want any relationship with anyone... honestly, the last 3 I've had, they've all began with me not wanting to be with anyone, but circumstances, along with a friendship first, then feeling beginning to grow helped those come to be. It took a long while for me to get there with any of the people who've had nudes of me, which is a total of 3 people.
We can unite under the flag that we agree daily is an asshole nigger, kill-joy. People make mistakes, people get mixed in fucked up shit. We all in someway are degenerates who post on this forum. I think that's what brings most of us together. I think the most important thing is learning from the past, and moving on in positive way, in attempting to better yourself along the way. We have all of society that wold shit on us for one thing or another in or past, at least here we have people who understand what that's like, and some, having empathy and advice on how to become better than that "degenerate" thing in the past. Pisses me off when people give LSD shit for the coffee thing with his mother like all the fucking time, which happened forever ago, likely had a lot of things misinterpreted, and I doubt (from reading the case too) happened as was reported, and as everyone wants to keep spinning it. Domestic violence charges are weird, and now days, once they're involved, be it for whatever, usually someone is going to jail, and they're going to press charges no matter what the "victim" says, which were different a long while ago, where that didn't happen, not without the "victim" press charges. Now they're charge-happy and want to take someone in to fuck, so why not the kid when they think probably did something he shouldn't, even if it wasn't what they thought initially. Even just as a joke, it stopped being funny a long while ago. It's time to move on from that shit. -
2017-11-21 at 1:15 PM UTC in I feel like I could fall in love with anyome that isn't hedious.
Originally posted by RestStop Yeah definitely agreeing with this too. I mean it's almost like they're sending this very best representative to be friends with you then suddenly the psycho stalker rep is somehow appointed like they were wearing a mask for YEARS and now that you're exclusive it's like "Aha! Gotcha bitch!" I swear I was friends with this girl for years and that's how it ended up. I only ended up dating the girl for like 6 weeks years ago but the personality shift was so severe and quick that it's probably the other half of the reason why I'll never date again and now I unfairly kinda assume any girl I'm friends with and could obviously get with is exactly like this.
Dude, I know what you mean here. After the last relationship I was in, I definitely am wary of anyone, especially friends I've been with. People change so quick, so dramatically, it's fucking scary. I wouldn't go so far as to assume everyone is going to be like this, I've been with others who aren't, but, it's worth being alert to these things in the beginning and keeping shit in check before it gets out of control.
Having someone who loves you, and that you love, with whom you share a mutual connection, and interests with is worth giving a chance to if you find the right person, though. Sometimes they just happen naturally, if you keep your heart open, and let things progress on it's own, slowly, without rushing shit, and would probably be the best way to get into a relationship, especially with a friend. People can be close without being together, and it's harder for people who're going to flip script to keep up their antics for that long, if they do happen to be like that. Just don't let one awful experience burn you from maybe finding the right one. Even if it doesn't work out long term and last, doesn't mean it's always a bad thing either. Sometimes people are together during the right times in their lives, it's great while it last, might help you through things, hep you grow and all, but just wasn't mean to be long term, the hard part is knowing when to move on, and getting out with as least hurt as possible, or parting mutually. I think those are rarer sorts of relationships, but with the way people are, who'd jump into a relationship the day they meet someone, that's why, but would be more common if people used some sense in getting together.
Good luck with that. Maybe the right girl will come by, just take it slow, super slow. If it's meant to last, it won't matter how slow it begins, and maybe you'll find a good one this time. Not all bitches (or guys) are crazy Dr.Jekyll/Mr.Hyde sorts in relationships. Just don't throw away the possibility completely. -
2017-11-21 at 12:51 PM UTC in I feel like I could fall in love with anyome that isn't hedious.
Originally posted by Scron the Kat My last relationship I knew the girl was a whore and I never tried to control her in any way.
Well, that's what I'm saying. It's not just men, or woman. It seemed like she was trying to do the controlling with you. It goes both ways. I think men often get a bad rap for it, but woman can be just as frequently, if not more so, than men, it's just more discussed I think than men talking about woman controlling them. Arguing and especially physical violence was your cue to gtfo.
The result: she stole all my money and cheated on me with multiple people while I was busy working every day and cheating on her for years.
It was not love and I don't know why I stayed, I felt trapped and when it was over I was alone for years. I would say I didn't want to be alone but I wanted her gone and I yelled at her lots, called her name's and things got physical a few times.
The worst part is we also created a child which I regret a lot. At least it got put up for adoption by a good family but her mom is absolutely fucked in so many ways I hope she never meets her or the family just keeps her away forever.
She even told me she's gonna try and convince the kid to run away and live with her when she's like 13 or something. She's probably already pregnant again already though so who knows.
Underage b8 14fCali
I've had times, with my ex, I did go about, and I did get controlling at times, but it was a lot to do with the fact I felt stuck and didn't know how to get out of the relationship (he wouldn't leave when I asked him to go, when I wanted out and tried to break it off, threatened suicide if I wouldn't be with him, guilted me that he'd be alone and miserable forever, he didn't have a place to live because he was a leech on me, no job, no way to survive without a host to suck the life out of), and it was wrong of me, but as for the situation, I really was in a bad spot, and look back and see things I did that weren't right, but in that particular relationship, moreso than any other, it definitely had a lot to do with the fact I was stuck with him for a very long time. I'm so much happier he's gone, and I definitely don't want to control others, if there's something that important to me I want the other doesn't/does want, that we can't come to a happy resolution for all, then it's best to just part ways.
I've had relationships with a lot of people whom I considered very dear friends prior to starting out. In some cases, but not all, it definitely feels like it ruined a good friendship, and would have been better just to stay friends than get in a relationship. I think being friends is important in any relationship, but things get strained after, and sometimes turns really ugly during a breakup and a good friend is lost in the process. I wouldn't say never get in a relationship with a friend, but I'd say approach with caution, and talk about it first.
I think honesty is one of the key things to any relationship. You lose that, you lose trust and you don't have too much really left over after. If that's not there, either between you or the other, then it's probably best to part ways. I'e seen too many relationships where one or the other (sometimes both) is always lying and doing shit behind the other's back. I don't understand it. It makes no sense to me. Just be straight forward with it, and if you two can't be okay with what's going on, see if there is a compromise where both can be happy, and if not, go your separate ways. People seem to stay togeth too often for stupid reasons like money and sex. Sex is easily gotten, and hell, if you pay for it, can be a lot cheaper than dating in some cases, and financial reasons, well... money isn't everything. It can help make you happy, but alone it can't, and being with someone who ruins your happiness, causes you stress, anxiety, and pain, it's not worth all the money in the world.
Originally posted by Daily Are you 14?
uh..? no.. Why do you ask? I am 28 and have been in several manipulative and abusive relationships, and the advice I gave was from my experiences in those terrible experiences. Had I have been wiser, I would have gotten out sooner, and while it sounds like common sense, which it should be, it's worth saying again, as many people fall victim to a bad relationship like that unfortunately. -
2017-11-21 at 12:22 PM UTC in I feel like I could fall in love with anyome that isn't hedious.
Originally posted by Scron the Kat I'm just saying I like the idea is all. Most bitches are worth cheating on but I'm happy being monogamous which is unusual for me, I definitely believe in true love but it's not something most people will ever experience. Most of my relationships I am constantly cheating because there are so many problems I just give up and blame the person for being fucked but in reality it's just incompatibility.
I am a loyal person if the other person respects and loves me, as soon as that is gone I can be an asshole very quick.
I guess what I'm saying is HTS is an amazing lady and I have lots of respect and love for her, I don't think I could feel this way about anyone else out there.
Well, I don't agree with cheating, under any circumstances. If shit ain't right, then nail ship and go fuck whom every you please, but leading people on isn't right. I agree, most people won't ever find "true" love, which I'm not sure if it exists or not, but if it does it definitely is a rare thing. You don't see people truly, madly in love, where it stands the test of time all that often.
HTS is a wonderful chick-a-dee, and I am happy that she's found someone to love. I really hope you treat her good, and things work out for you two. Even if things don't work out, don't be cheating behind someones back, be a man, and come out with it, and then go fuck some other bitch, if it comes to that. She especially doesn't deserve that. All in all, I'm happy for her, since she seems happy to have you, I just hope (and no offense) you do right by her. -
2017-11-21 at 12:15 PM UTC in I feel like I could fall in love with anyome that isn't hedious.
Originally posted by NARCassist everyone does it backwards, why? they feel they need to be in a relationship then start looking for somebody to fill that vacancy. just be patient and get on with your life. this will involve meeting all sorts of people along the way. if/when you meet somebody you really gel with, then go for the relationship. you'll prolly find it will just naturally happen with that person anyway. just enjoy the casual encounters along the way until that happens.
its like:
dumb bitch: oh, i really really want to be in a relationship
dumb bitches friend: but you don't know anybody you want to be in a relationship with
dumb bitch: i know, but i just want to find somebody and fall in love
dumb bitches friend: so your just in love with the idea of being in love then?
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I agree 100% with this, though I would add, just be careful with the people you meet. Sometimes they're different in the beginning and then turn into someone else once you're in a relationship with them. I would say to be wary of relationships that begin where there's an unhealthy level of jealousy, or sort of control trying to be exerted, such as who you talk to, where you go, what you do, etc. People get weird in relationships sometimes. It's fucking odd, just watch for the signs and back away slowly (or with haste depending on the person) if you start seeing them. -
2017-11-21 at 12:06 PM UTC in The day my dog was put down...
Originally posted by benny vader gottdammmmittt
i hate people who treat their animals as if their some sort of toys that they can buy, sell, turn on and off at their motherfucking whims and bitchy fancies.
its all about you you youyouyouyou and you. do you even care what your doggs feel ??? doggs are perfectly capable of suiciding if they wanted it and when they wanted it …. i've seen it from time to time …
so if they wanted to go, they'd do it themselves.
You're trolling, but fuck it, I'll bite.
Dude, when a it gets to a point they're so sick they can't even stand and piss, how do you know they don't want to die? They couldn't suicide if they wanted to at that point. Most people who care about their dogs keep them in fences and/or on leashes. A dogs options of suicide are quite limited, and I would say fairly painful, and not always lethal 100% of the time, even if it could make it's mind up to suicide.
It's quite the opposite, it's about them. As their care taker, as something I love dearly, I would have loved to keep my animals I loved around forever with me. I would never euthanize an animal just because I didn't want it anymore or couldn't keep it, nor even ditch it at the pound. My decision to euthanize something I love is based on how I would feel in their shoes, since they can't really tell me what they'd want, or for that matter make an informed decision if they could regarding that. It's based on not wanting them to suffer in pain. In the case of every animal I've euthanized, or would for that matter (save for livestock I've raised to eat), I've done it when they've come to their end, they're dying anyway, and have more bad days than good, to spare them a long painful drawn out death.
I've seen people do crazy shit to keep an animal alive, where the animal is suffering, in pain, and has zero quality of life. I think that is the saddest things in the world. The weird thing is these people love their animal, but they're too selfish to pull the plug and say goodbye, and rather would make their critter suffer just to be there with them, when had nature taken it's course, they'd have long been dead. I could not watch someone I love die a slow, painful death, and not do something to help them avoid that pain, if I had the power to help them break on through to the other side. It killed me inside to do it, but I know what I did was right. I've fought tooth and nail to save lives, but I also have learned when it's time to let them go, and pull the trigger to save them from agony, when no hope exists for their recovery, and return to a life of quality. It's the greatest act of love. -
2017-11-21 at 11:39 AM UTC in The day my dog was put down...Dude, it's better to let go before they get to the point they've lost all dignity, and have no quality of life. I've waited too long before, out of selfishness, love for that animal, not wanting to see them go, and I regret it. I did cherish what bit I had, but I should have let them go before they had to endure that pain and misery, before they got to that point. This months may have been hell for her, they may have been months of fear and pain, where as she got to go before it got to that point. I would always err on too soon, than too late, especially when you know for certain, in an elderly animals, or very sickly animal, their time will be coming before long. Don't beat yourself up for not doing anything, letting her go was the best thing you could have done for her most likely. Look at it this way, she was lucky in that she got to live, and hopefully avoid the worse of suffering before the end, in a calm, easy way to go, before she had to deal with the worst of it. She had people who loved her enough not to make her stay around in pain for longer than she needed, and you got to say your goodbyes to her before she went- sometimes, more often actually, we aren't so lucky as to get that chance.
We all die, it's a fate we all share. Cherish the time you had with her and memories you made. It sucks, it hurts, but it's part of life. I know nothing I can say would make you feel better, but I genuinely wish you the best, and truly am sorry for your loss, I really empathize with what you're dealing with. They say time heals all wounds. She's in a better place, even if that's in the dirt, not in pain. It'll get better in time. -
2017-11-21 at 11:12 AM UTC in I feel like I could fall in love with anyome that isn't hedious.
Originally posted by Scron the Kat Polygamy is where it's at.
Aren't you with HTS? Is she cool with all that? I probably wouldn't be too happy if my guy was out "falling in love" with all sorts of bitches.
Actor, while you feel you might be able to fall in love with anyone, it would likely be short lived with most because you'd quickly see differences, things you don't like, and eventually deal breakers in the relationship. The trick is, not falling in love, or developing feelings for people you can tolerate, but don't really like or have common ground with. You have to sift through those people to find someone right for you, whom you're going to be happy with for a long time.
If it's a condition, it'd probably be dubbed 'Loneliness', and being starved for attention and affection. Spend more time around real people, face to face, and you'll soon see, even if a bitch is hot and fuckable, she's not always the person you want to be falling in love with. -
2017-11-21 at 11 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get Rekt, Faggot!
Originally posted by NARCassist i'm ok, getting by. could be better tho, but hey, what can you do? lol
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Well, that's good. Hopefully things will turn up. Was it you who had the girlfriend who was going to rehab/heroin addict/prostitute who went MIA? Did you ever find out what happened to her? I'm sure her dipping out like that, assume she doesn't have a [i[very good excuse (coma in the hospital level excuse), dissolved any relationship/friendship y'all had, but hopefully she's okay and not dead or fucked up in someway, it'd be sad otherwise, and while it did seem like and yo suggested that she's probably just back on heroin and working again, maybe too ashamed to tell you/deal with that?, there is the chance something really bad happened, especially if she did go back into that. I'm sure that was a definite stress on you either way, if you did care about her, so I'm genuinely sorry, and hope things get better, and in either case, hoping she's alright, it would be really tragic if not.
Originally posted by 霍比特人说中文不好 https://niggasin.space/thread/12585?p=150#post-246318
§m£ÂgØL, do you realize that a lot of things on here too were prompted by provocation off the forum? I don't want to argue and fight about this shit. Id like to post here, and at least maintain some level of civility with you and everyone else.
How long had I gone without so much as a message, or any other forum of contact besides possibly casual encounters in discussion on the forum? Quite a while. Ihadn't spoken to you in sometime, and I believe if my memory serves me, you hadn't been posting much anyway months and months ago. When I had gotten into a relationship with PoC, I'd made a general post directed at you, was polite, civil, and even displaying thanks, and good will toward you, and also mention that I did not wish any contact with you- but if you had to, to just do it privately. It could have been left at that. It could have been dropped, we go our own way, and just had civil discussion, leaving the past in the past. You decided to contact me. I did not want contact with you whatsoever, but obliged you stupidly. You'd told me things that I personally feel are very negative traits to your character to which I think make you a bad person, to which I had been blind to, and over looked prior to this. In my responses to you, and this revelation, I was polite, yet honest in my observation, and said I just didn't want any sort of contact with you in the future, and for you to leave me alone. For some reason you became erratic, protesting in some spastic way to somehow prove you weren't the person I see you for, requested me to skype (which at the best of times was a issue for you, despite you suggesting it in the first place), and the following day while I was out with a friend, I got skype calls back to back to back, and my only reply to any of this was "leave me alone", and after the harassing calls, which frustrated, and stressed me out, causing me anxiety, I did make a thread. I was angry at you harassing me, I was pset at you for not dropping it, and moving on. Despite my conviction in your poor character, I didn't make any sort of threat to you, I just wanted this dumb shit to stop- I agree making that thread was in poor taste, and not the best thing I could have done, but I didn't just make it randomly, out of the blue for no reason. I wanted the shit to stop, and for us to move on, and hopefully, likely on here, just be civil to one another.
Whatever you think I did to you, and what I have done to you: it's in the past, and I, you, nor anyone can change that. The future is the only thing any of us can change. There are things I believe you misrepresented, issues where events took place, and while I had done things that were not right, they surely were more understandable when presented in context to the situation, and whether you agree with me or not, I have always took responsibility for my wrong doings, many times been made out to be worse than I am for not wanting to further argue or insight anymore negativity or psychological stress regarding those situations by not correcting the circumstances of events I know happened (and later on I tried to, after you'd beat a dead horse for far too long, attempts to reconcile our differences, and be civil to one another, even with you seemingly being good with that for brief periods, then randomly becoming aggressive again, I wanted to correct the misrepresentations you'd made, since trying to just take responsibility and ignore the false or misrepresented piece), I have always apologized, tried to make amends, and tried to move on to be a better person. Even at the height of being pissed off at you, I have always been honest and true to what I do believe regarding the good qualities you do possess, such as your writing, and when mentioned about your physical appearance, I've always expressed you to be a decent looking man. Certain things I've said regarding your appearance were taken negatively for some reason (I believe you have a somewhat middle eastern appearance and could pass for such by some- it's an opinion, and well, you have Spanish linage, historically Muslims did conquer parts of Spain and did, for a long time have quite an influence in that region, to which I believe you express some physical traits of. It's not an insult), and I have absolutely no idea why other than you have a very negative opinion, and dislike of middle eastern people possibly. Even the joke I made was more about the TSA, and their issues with Muslims, and those of color, than it being anything to do with you on a personal level, other than I believe you could pass for being middle eastern, and regardless of you agreeing on that or not, you do have dark skin and definitely are not white/Caucasian. I'm also not a person who'd stoop to such a low level to insult someone regarding their physical appearance, especially knowing they have body image issues. Its a cheap shot, and it serves no purpose, other than to demonstrate how petty the person making those assertions is, especially when they would have defended and found that person attractive physically, at least at one time. I got very upset at the comment aimed to hurts someone I loved and cared about at the time (someone who'd just recently tried to take their life, and whom I was greatly concerned about their mental health- somehow still, I'm believed to have had ulterior motives), who I felt and by his own admission was struggling with issues regarding what you posted, and yes, I was very upset and angry regarding that initially, and responded impulsively, while upset, to which later I accepted your apology regarding and attempted to move forward from. While trying to figure out the situation where I was being framed, and you were being sent threats, when we'd been just casually talking and joking (not just before about our mutual trans friend, that turned into you joking about being black trapped in a Hispanics body, wanting to be called something I forget, all started because I call our friend what she prefers, and her chosen pronouns. I'd explained, when you'd asked why I did it, saying I did it out of respect, and care for that person, not because I'm an SJW fag and feel I, or even you, have to. then later on we'd got to talking about something that brought me to mention you having middle eastern appearance, to which I did not understand it ws bothering you or i anyway hurtful, I was under the impression we were both making friendly lighthearted banter back and forth. When I thought it might have been bothering you, I tried, while still maintaining humor, explained I didn't think there was anything wrong with middle easterns appearance, and even did find them attractive, such ass you, and mentioned that thre was a time I was very much sexually attracted to you, and for fuck's sake, we'd had sex and a relationship for a period of time, even after we'd had a period of what you called "pretend" when your GF left you in a rather bad way. I wasn't saying it in the way I wanted any of that, just that yes, I did find you physically attractive, and being we'd had sex before, that should pretty much prove that. Tht had to turn into an insult on the type of work I have had to do to survive, saying whom I chose to have sex with doesn't have any meaning, which is not true. I slept with some men for money, yes, but it's not something I want. There's a difference between making money, and who I choose to sleep with for my own gratification. That was very insulting, and above all, hurtful, and uncalled for. I am honest about what I do, and who I am, and often I find myself being misunderstood, and things being taken out of context, but from someone who I thought we were being friendly, funny, and joking, it really really hurt. Even then I tried to explain. You brought up I was calling you "racial slurs". Never once did you say "hey, I'm not joking, this bothers me and hurts" or something to the effect, which I did, when you'd said that, when I'd only said it in a dumb way to say "dude, this is not me making fun of your appearance, this is just my opinion, I think you look like these kinds of people. I have nothing against how you look." All I got was an excuse that since I have publicly mentioned prostituting, it doesn't matter, and is true. you have no empathy, §m£ÂgØL. If you do, then none for me, over some shit that happened forever ago, which I've tried to move past, apologize and take responsibility for. I've tried to make amends as best as one can.
You seem to go back and forth, §m£ÂgØL. Sometimes you want civility and peace, and seemingly wish to move forward, and other times you seem to get triggered by the smallest thing, or just want to stir shit, stew in your anger over the past, and attempt to inflict damage, sometime direct, and sometimes passive aggressively, in very hurtful ways, just further dragging the past into the present. As of late it's been the latter, in you just wanting strife. Almost all the interactions I've had with you have been negative, hurtful, belittling, demeaning, spiteful, attempts to shame me and full of hatred and anger. I don't care if you want to carry around hate and anger for me, or anyone else for that matter, that's your right and choice to to do, and see anyone as you would like to see them, but do you really enjoy every interaction on the forum just about being this negative, shitty thing, every fucking time? I know we can never be friends again, and honestly, that's a shame, but that's fine by me. Despite your negative qualities, you do have some good qualities and were a fun person to chat with casually, and I know too, you felt the same regarding me, else you would have never have had this much contact, and conversation with me over the past couple years, which you can lie to others, but you know in your heart, our friendship was not some horrible thing in it's entirety. Most of the bad things about it, were the continued attempts to use at every disagreement, or turn, the past, or something about me to beat me down emotionally, for things not even related in many cases. I would understand this more if I wasn't apologetic, show genuine remorse, and attempts, albeit, I know it's not much I can do or anyone could do in such a situation, to make amends for what wrong was done by me. It was a rare thing indeed, when you'd admit, and accept any wrong doing on your part, to which many things, some severe things you did to me both physically and psychologically, and many times you denied, denied, denied, and if you did acknowledge them, it was shot down with "it was nowhere as near as bad as what you did", despite not even being related(being grabbed and pulled by you while I walked away, telling you I didn't want to talk, to leave me alone, when I was attempting to escape the hell of a life I was in, which did hurt my back which I have preexisting issue with and was 6-7months pregnant during, as an example, being you denying you hurt me, and pulled me as hard, and forceful as you did.) In no way have I or would I ever try to justify my wrong doings because of some other wrong that had happened by someone else. I accept what I did was still wrong. Sometimes, there have been circumstances that were directly related to the wrong I did. I still accept what I did as being wrong, regardless, and take responsibility, but in order to talk about a specific circumstance as that, both wrongs must be addressed, and is only fair to do so, but this was always a trigger for you. If I said you did X, Y, or Z, and I explained that's why I reacted in such a way, or did what I did, it's not me trying to shirk responsibility, it's trying to explain the situation as I saw and experienced it, and only ever did these discussions occur because you brought the subject up, and would get upset if I tried to disengage and leave the conversation (mainly, because it always turned into a tirade just beating me down. You often would go into it clear headed, and trying to talk about it in a healthy way, but then would always turn into you getting angry, upset, and I imagine, it hurt, to which I tried and was for a very long time sympathetic to this, and taking the abuse.)
§m£ÂgØL, the fact of the matter is, we both did wrong things to one another. We both caused pain and trauma to each other at different times. We both caused psychological distress. I am still remorseful for my wrongful actions, I still bear guilt, and greatly desire, and focus on being a better person. While they cannot be changed, I try to learn from these mistakes, and try and turn a negative thing I cannot change, into something I can grow and positively effect me int he future. I don't know what else you would want me to do. I don't know any other thing that would appease you. Thing is though, I am done trying to appease you. I really don't give a fuck about you, other than you're a human being, and yes, there were times you were a decent person. I wish you the best, I still think you're a great writer, and hope you pursue that career, or at least continue with it and keep writing, since you are talented there. I don't wish you any ill will, and I never have. If I was angry and hurt by you, I might of said shit, but not too long after, apologized for my wrong.
I've learned one thing, one thing it might take you a while to learn: Holding onto anger and hate serves no one. It's a waste of emotion, and breeds a toxicity in your own self. It steals happiness, joy, and pleasure, and often can consume, if you let it. It's a rot on the soul. We're all human, and prone to having these emotions arise, but the problem really is the clinging to these things. I have gotten angry, and felt emotions of hate rise in me, but the best thing I ever did was learn to just let those things go in me. It's a freeing feeling really. Hopefully one day you'll understand, and be able to move past. Life is hard, we all experience some level of trauma unfortunately, but binding ourselves to it does nothing but to give it more power in our lives. You can let go of things like hate, and anger, without forgetting what happened. (like the old saying "Forgive, but don't forget", which IMO is a good thing to live by.)
Originally posted by WhiskeyPhoenix If you didn't care you wouldn't bother coming back here to mention it and encourage it. Not like it's the first time you've openly encouraged me to kill myself anyways so it's not like it phases me anymore, it's more pathetic than anything. Move on with your fucking life.
Come back? Dude, you stopped posting for well over a year, longer I think, honestly, and for the most part, give a bit here and there of short breaks, I've been regularly posting since we all migrated here. I've never nuked my account either, nor bitched so much about how I hate this place either. I'm not coming back in regards to you, I just like to read the forum and contribute from time to time. Curiosity got the better of me, and figured why the fuck not ask? since it was always a theme with you, not wanting to be well, not wanting to live. Yeah, you say I openly encouraged you to kill yourself after your fucked attempt to fuck my life more than it is because I wouldn't talk to you right when you wanted to talk because I had been having seizures that morning, and right after I stopped talking with you, to which I did apologize and take back- I said it when I was very hurt, and very upset from your betrayal, and attack on me for something so dumb, something insignificant, while you've told me to kill myself numerous times, threatened me bodily harm, along with truly making a stab to hurt me, over what?. I genuinely don't care either way if you kill yourself though. Do if you want to, don't if you don't- simple as that. Just curious if you're still in the latter category. The only thing that's really changed for me is I don't care what happens to you- there was a point where I hoped you'd do well and get better, but the last time I said as much, I was told you'd be "gone by the end of the week". Guess that didn't work out.
I just think it's funny as shit how much you hate me, and have come to demonize me, I just wish I knew, over what? lol what "ulterior motive" did I have? it fucking baffles me. Not wanting to be with me is one thing (which lol, you thought I left you is why you went on your shit show rampage in the first place so I guess, at least at the time, it wasn't that.), but attacking, and being vindictive is a whole other thing, especially unprovoked. Maybe you were just jealous I had real genuine friends whom I talked to, and who were there for me more than you ever were, I don't know. You think I used you? That'd be laughable. I really am glad you showed your ass, though. It really did turn out for the better, in my case anyway. -
2017-11-16 at 3:13 PM UTC in What are your top 5 favourite drugs?5.weed
4.magic mushrooms
3.T-PAIN
2.diacetyl morphine (opiates in general, honestly, but HM has a special place in my heart)
1.hydromorphone -
2017-11-16 at 10:30 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get Rekt, Faggot!meh, I've been better... I've also been worse, so there's that, for the moment. How 'bout you?
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2017-11-16 at 9:25 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get Rekt, Faggot!
Originally posted by WhiskeyPhoenix Fuck off and mainline a marcaine shot
lol the butthurt is strong in this one.
Seriously, what exactly did I do to you? While I am curious if/when you're going to off yourself, I can't say I 'want' that. I don't care if you do or don't.
you're a delicate little flower, aren't ya? -
2017-11-10 at 4:18 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get Rekt, Faggot!
Originally posted by WhiskeyPhoenix What the fuck do you care anymore? Did you not get your knife and shit back that I sent you? Fuck off and move on with your life.
Why do I care? I don't, I stopped caring shortly after you pulled your shit, I was curious. lol yeah, tell me to fuck off like I did anything to you. What about the instruments? I didn't even ask for them, but you kept insisting you'd send them, especially the uk, which was just my son's left with you to play with until you got strings for your guitar. (which FYI, neither were stolen, but guess you like spewing shit, because you're immature, and butthurt... just look at all the butthurt coming from you- exactly what did I do to you? lol yep. You can't say anything 'til after you did your shit, and even then, I didn't do anything even near what you did, and am grown enough to apologize, and admit me saying that to her was wrong.)
Originally posted by 霍比特人说中文不好 Yo, what's the hold up on you? We've all been waiting over a month here. You going to do it or what?
Unlike PoC here (from his own account, he doesn't want to live, he's done, experienced enough and doesn't want more, and why I asked what's going on with that, curious if there's another cry for help/attention in the near future), I would really prefer not to die. I would prefer to not be in pain, and suffering, I would prefer to not have so much shit fucked in my life, I would prefer for my life to not have so many things going on that makes dying to be a better option than living. I've never said otherwise on that, as bad as I've ever been. I'm not afraid to admit I am scared to make that leap either. I've only ever been suicidal when I have felt that I can't do anything to correct and/or there is no hope for my life and quality thereof to improve in a significant way.
I often feel manipulated by people I care about in regards to suicide, and it has been a large reason I am still here. I've been embracing my loneliness, and isolation more though. I'm doing things I would have never done before. Letting go of people I would have never let go of before. Who knows. I've made attempts that should have done me in over the last year, and I still am baffled at how I'm here, especially considering no medical intervention was involved,I should by all rights be dead, but as it is, my fears regarding the act are more so based on the fear of fucking up. I made one mistake as a teenager which landed me in the psychward, I will not let that happen again.
I would say I need help, but there is no help. I just have to internalize this more. I've pushed the only real person I had away from me recently, so that definitely should help in my cause to end my suffering, one way or another.
I don't even know what your problem is, §m£ÂgØL. I've left you alone, and only at your request, did I speak to you about anything, and even took my time to try and help, and offered up my time, and information to help you figure out the situation and clear my name. I have more shit in my life I am dealing with at the moment to even pay thought to your bullshit, much less send you stupid threats. God knows it was probably fuckhead, but it well could have been PoC, but being your memory sucks too, it could have been anyone, honestly, the more I've considered it. I don't know, and I don't care. I stopped caring the moment the moment you showed your true manipulative traits again, I was stupid enough to ignore, trying to give benefit of the doubt. You took a conversation, where I stated my opinion, with some joking around, and my attempt to explain my joking wasn't meant to be mean or to pick on you, just I had an opinion, and you disagreed. Nothing I said was meant to attack you, but when I tried to be nice, that's what I got in return, personal, deep cutting attacks on my character, taking the same thing I said, being used to hurt me, when all it was said was to try and explain my opinion wasn't negative of you in that conversation. Why? I don't know. WHat did I do about it? Say I no longer gave a fuck about your problems or care about who was harassing you, and didn't want to talk any longer. Even that I thought could at least be taken amicably (ending contact), but nope. Anytime I've had shit to do with you, I am damned if I do, and damned if I don't, especially with dealing with all that shit.
Whether you think you have a mental illness or not, or even my opinion of that, I truly think you need therapy. You'd likely benefit greatly from it, in moving on from the past, and letting go of the negative emotions you like to carry around with you. I don't care what you think of me, I give two shits to your opinions anymore, but it's pretty obvious you're still traumatized, and stuck in the past. -
2017-11-05 at 5:47 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get Rekt, Faggot!
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2017-10-23 at 10:38 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get Rekt, Faggot!
Originally posted by 霍比特人说中文不好 There's an Alice in Wonderland one too. I forget what it's called but the musical bits in it are actually phenomenally done. Disney-tier shit besides being about fucking.
Yeah, that is still one of my favorite documentaries. Remember the Nightmare before Christmas porno you'd linked me to a while back? That was pretty cool, but the AiW one takes the cake. -
2017-10-22 at 9:07 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get Rekt, Faggot!
Originally posted by CASPER The effects sound sort of unpleasant. N2O is like 9 bucks a box online. And under $100 for like 300 chargers. *shrug*
Lol. 2 summers ago I bought 900 fuckng chargers and wading through my room a week after receiving my box, it sounded like scrooge mcduck in his money pit.
I had that experience not too long ago with the clinking of nitrous chargers everywhere.
As for ethyl Chloride, the effects are very similar to nitrous, it'd be hard to differentiate, save for the smell. I'm using it because I literally have a never ending supply here, and I need not pay a single dime. I've been meaning to grab a bottle for 1337 so he can give it a whirl. -
2017-10-22 at 8:21 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get Rekt, Faggot!I've been in the doctor's office all night pretty much doing it on and off since I'm too anxious to drive home.
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2017-10-22 at 8:20 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get Rekt, Faggot!it's very similar to nitrous.
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2017-10-22 at 8:17 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get Rekt, Faggot!Anyone try ethyl chloride?