User Controls
Posts by hydromorphone
-
2017-05-23 at 2:27 AM UTC in Stuff you remember from Totse/Zoklet
Originally posted by Malice No idea. I'm sure you remember he had serious problems with alcoholism. Really worry about what may have happened to him.
Yeah, I do. I really really hope he's doing okay. I lost contact when my phone took a shit and I lost all my contact numbers... He was a good guy and I miss him. He helped me out a lot just being a friend to me through losing my father and during my pregnancy. I remember being out in town with §m£ÂgØL and my exhusband. §m£ÂgØL had just taken a tab of AL-LAD and was just coming up (I poked him to death and had him laughing his ass off lmfao) well, I was texting the Duke and he was bitching about how cold it is and that it was snowing and there was a fuckload of snow on the ground and he was going to be taking his snow mobile to go get beer (I'm pretty sure that's what he was doing anyway) and he sends me a picture of himself all bundled up with a ski-mask and all. So I look around and was like "PALM TREE! I know it's chilly here, §m£ÂgØL, but I HAVE to be a dick and return the Duke a pic of this nice sunny Florida weather since he sent me one of him up to his ass in snow! lmfao" so I did. We laughed about it for a while- the Duke was jealous as fuck, as I'd hope to incite. LOL good times were had by all... Sometimes it's the little things you remember...
The Duke - if you're out there, I hope the fuck you're alright. Hit me a PM if you ever find this post. I sincerely hope you're alive and well and doing better than I last recall.
Oh, and Malice- dude, fucking all the interesting and crazy shit that has happened on and to the members of totse and zoklet... I don't know why this forum of all forums has had the wildest, craziest cringiest shit happen. It's like a train wreck you can't look away from as it happens. Some of it is funny, some of it is sad,some of it is tragic even... But it offers insight into a small minority of the population from around the world who seem to have a few common factors and can related with drugs, depression, mental illness, and also seem to be slightly more intelligent (despite some of the more cringe worthy things I've seen here lol) than the average person. I think there has been a unique corner of creativity in the world that has formed a niche here and has followed through in the tight-knit, die-hard members who've manifested back into each new reincarnation of these forums. I've seen other similar forums, even the ones that broke off and splintered (what was it, longlivetotse or some shit? I don't remember the name) and even though they tried so hard to maintain the "totse" culture and shit, they failed at it, and how they failed was clinging to something that'd had gone... Like the people. At zoklet, at least for the most part, while yeah, you'll have threads like this one,where we reminisce about the good ol' days and people we miss, there doesn't seem to have this "forced" feel to It like everyone is trying so hard to hold onto some fucked up thing that never really existed in the first place... Here it seems to come across naturally, and while this certainly isn't totse, it holds pieces of that and grows from what totse and zoklet were.
Totse, zoklet, (both rdfrn and into sanctuary felt like a bunch of kids being forced into another "click" or group and it just felt displaced... Like a foster home lol) and now finally here... It's carried some people from the very beginning and people who can appreciate threads like this and look back and laugh,and also for me anyway, remember days of my youth and fond memories... Not just the good either, but the sad, and looking back at places that you have no idea how the fuck you got there or how the fuck you got out of that too... Remembering lessons and shit experienced for the first time... It makes me feel very melancholy... Looking back to see the long journey from there to here and where totse, zoklet, and even this community has been apart of in a very weird and odd way that has intimatly affected my life and played a huge role in who I am now from reading, posting, and even talking and having deep and meaningful relationships with some of the members.
I think sometimes, what would my life and youth and even in recent history have been like if I hadn't discovered this fringe community on the outskirts of polite society... I can say though, I don't have any regrets- the only regrets I have is that I had stayed out of contact from one dear friend from totse for far too long,for far too stupid reason and fears,but was lucky enough to find them again on zoklet and finally pester them enough to realize I am a loyal and caring friend... I lost a lot of time and there is a lot of time to be made up,but all the regrets I carry in life I am happy that at least that it wasn't permanent like so many others have been and some good has come and there is only better to follow in the future. I am so grateful and happy that I did stumble upon totse as some nerdy, dumb 13 year old kid and found this gem of a community which is so unique in its dynamic and creativity.
While I may come and go and bounce around from posting to lurking, I hope Lanny never takes down NiS. As long as it's still going, I'll always bounce back around... And maybe one day, when my tits are saggy as fuck and I have alzheimers and dementia, I'll finally post tit pics.
(ya'll(mostly infinityshock) give me shit for not posting tit pics, but does anyone remember that I DID when Hamp the Toker asked me to "Hamp stamp" my tits and post a pic?... Sure it was my ex husband's ugly hairy smushed together fat nasty tits, but I did come through with posting pics of "my" tits- sadly they were "mine" at the time... Thankfully now I got better than that... Also I posted "A pile of titties" from. When my dog gave birth to a litter of pups, she had the biggest, hugest, giant titties every- all fucking 12 super humongous tits piled up full of milk lmfao so yeah... I have posted "my" tit pics before... Just not the set I think most of ya'll were hoping for lol I think it's fun to look back on dumb, fun little shit like that we all engaged in- ahhh.. Good times ;) ) -
2017-05-22 at 10:36 PM UTC in My life has really been horrible, but...I really appreciate the kind words and yeah... I know I have. I've been in really bad, and dark places before. I can't say I'm out of the woods yet, but I can see the direction to get out and have a wonderful friend who can relate to being lost in this shittiness for so long too. I really believe with all my heart that together we are going to find our way out and make something really, really wonderful once we finally do get out of this mess we both our in. Also, it's going to be a lot easier to handle the hard times and shit along the way together rather than alone. That really is what gives me so much hope- not that it'll be easy, but that at least I have someone as loyal, caring and understanding of my shit and how my mind works when shit does get bad and appreciates and cares about me and I too can be there to help with their hardships and bullshit that comes up and I appreciate and care about them.
I know in my heart, a year from now, things will be miles better. Sure, maybe not every little thing will be resolved, problems crop up, shit happens... But I know it'll be better having that friend by my side through it all- a friend who won't give up or abandon me when Shit is bad, nor will I abandon them and will always have their back.
I've had way too many bad things happen. I've been defeated and self-defeating a lot in my life. I've had the worst luck of almost anybody here. I've done some dumb things and made awful mistakes...but I made this thread here so I can come back in a year and see just how much it has changed and Mark the day this fucked up shitty pattern in my life finally was broken.
I feel so much happier and have far less anxiety than I've had in a long time. I've also felt a lot less alone than I've felt in a long time. -
2017-05-22 at 10:17 PM UTC in Florida man converts to Islam, immediately murders roommates for disrespecting his faithWhat is a 'shawarma joint'? I have no clue wtf that is nor have ever heard the term. Please, enlighten me.
-
2017-05-22 at 9:06 PM UTC in My life has really been horrible, but...I feel like I've been given another chance for shit to get better.
There was this friend I'd had many, many years ago who was a true-blue friend. He'd helped me in so many ways and had been there for me in my darkest hours. This fucker even saved my life- he doesn't think so, but I know he did. He saved my life when no fucking body else gave two shits or even saw the pain I was in. He was the only person who didn't ignore my cries for help.
I was a dick after that though. I got very scared and had everyone around me whispering in my ears and jumping and had me frightened to maintain cotact- it didn't help I was going through benzo withdrawals either at the time. I thought about this person for fucking years, literally everyday. I knew they were a lot like me, and shared very similar problems and similar ways of reacting. I fucking worried and at times even cried thinking that they probably killed themselves and while thinking that I felt a great deal of guilt. It took me years to finally find them again and get the courage to talk to them once more.
Even talking to them over the years and having this sporadic contact- mostly they pushing me away and being very guarded, a lot of things I wish I'd have said went unsaid. I see more and more now since being in contact again how much we mirror image each other, especially how we feel about ourselves, our self consciousness, and our problems and depression- if anxiety and depression were a flavor of ice cream then we share the same flavor of choco-chronic depression anxious moose-shit Supreme. We have some minor differences, but where it really matters we our one in the same,so much so that it's crazy to think two people could have so much in common.
It took a really screwed up time, where shit really got bad and he almost threw it away permanently, but some good seemed to have come from it and I've gotten to say the things I left unsaid for so many years. I don't expect things to be peaches n' creme from here on out, but I really do see things getting better because I think we have a lot better idea how to help each other through all this shit,but we're too fucked to be able to actually use that sense on ourselves alone.
I've always had so many doubts and worries when I'd see things start to get better or look liked they'd be better, but for the first time I don't have that. It's like something lining up inside of me and I "know" over time it's only going to get better and this is the path I should have been on all along... -
2017-05-22 at 7:45 PM UTC in Stuff you remember from Totse/ZokletWhat happened to the Duke?
I don't know. Why but from time I first discovered totse I've just been drawn back to the raw degeneracy you don't often find on other forums and especially not IRL. It's impacted and shaped my life for better or worse.
I've been lucky enough to meet and talk to some of the best people all Because of the totose/zoklet/NiS community. I've been blessed enough to meet and become very good friends and develop deep and meaningful relationships with a handful of these folks too. I would definitely day totse/zoklet/NiS has been for the better in my life. It's allowed me to talk about and share things with people that I otherwise could not IRL and I am grateful for that too. -
2017-05-22 at 4:40 AM UTC in Report this postWell... Sorry, but I'm not a snitch... Even when asked to snitch. Someone else will, I'm sure. Trolling Lanny does sound fun though.
-
2017-05-22 at 4:39 AM UTC in Report this postWhy?
-
2017-05-22 at 4:38 AM UTC in .. I gotz 2 get paidZZ Top is fine as far as I know... I don't know a great deal about him,but his music is alright- not my all time favorite shit, but I can dig it. Ted Nugent sucks as a musician and as a human being. I hope he develops chronic fucking awful debilitating pain and then rethinks he idiotic view on drugs.
-
2017-05-22 at 4:35 AM UTC in just failed a piss testSorry, dude... I've been in a similar situation before and I am so sorry to hear it. I have epilepsy now and couldn't even smoke weed to help with that, so I feel your pain, especially since you're hurting nobody in the process.
I wish you the best of luck and hope it turns out alright.
What are you on parole for? How'd you get at this sober living place anyway? -
2017-05-22 at 4:28 AM UTC in (Enter) Forgetting to Use Birth Control: Unwanted Pregnancies Support...I agree with you, Mal. If I can't see and acknowledge my faults than I have 0% chance of overcoming those faults,thats why I am willing to own up to them and hopefully am able to use that knowledge to better myself and handle those faults as best as I can. It serves nobody to remain ignorant and in denial, even if it take deep and painful introspection to see what nobody wants to see in themselves,to hopefully use that for betterment.
I don't blame you on wanting a vasectomy. I think it's a good idea, though it is a shame, since you do have really wonderful qualities, such as this measure of sanity youre discussing now and many other things, but I do understand that especially for a person to live with the negatives of your condition that it is awful and I'd wish on nobody. You're truly a very considerate and selfless person,by thinking about your (hopefully never) unborn spawn, and considering the suffering they potentially would endure with your genes and being kind and caring enough to acknowledge that (where I failed, unfortunately) and want to do something to prevent that (as I am trying to do now as best as I am able to).
I've meant to ask you but have forgotten several times (LMFAO- hmm... Wonder if there's a connection?), but since you mentioned it, no time like the present to ask. I wanted to know if you had a source for abortifacient? I ask because while I don't ever intend to get pregnant again, IF I do (hey, I hope not, but shit, I could be raped or something and get pregnant, as unlikely as I would be, but it's still a possibility I want to avoid or at least be able to stop another mistake from happening (not saying my son is a mistake- he's not. I made the mistake of having a child at a bad time, with a bad person, under bad circumstances, along with not being the best set of genetic material myself to be spreading onward)). I want to have it on hand just in the event that I ever did need it to prevent an unwanted pregnancy. I would prefer the IM injection, but pills would be fine too and likely easier to get. If you do know somewhere for do find somewhere PLEASE email me the source(s) and/or somewhere to start looking. I would REALLY appreciate it, Mal. (also, do you know what it's average "ballpark" price for it is?)
Post last edited by hydromorphone at 2017-05-22T04:32:12.513405+00:00 -
2017-05-22 at 4:05 AM UTC in Are you happy with your life?
Originally posted by aldra I'm doing alright; I'd be an asshole to complain
so I guess I'm an asshole
Just because you're issues or lack of enjoyment of life aren't as bad as others doesn't mean it's not valid or something you should feel bad about speaking the truth on. I hate when people do the "well, dude, you're life could be worse! Look at the shit *insert name or" I am" here* going through or have dealt with! It's far worse than your petty shit!" now, not to say there aren't just spoiled, shitty, dumbfuck assholes in this world who always have to be the victim and crave pity from others, but shit, besides that... People have problems and we shouldn't be judging who's shit is the worst. We should be able to openly discuss each other's problems, and work together to help one another out the best we can to handle them... Sometimes it's as simple as being an ear to hear someone vent their frustrations.
So, what's up, aldra? -
2017-05-22 at 3:48 AM UTC in Are you happy with your life?No. Currently, with the way shit has been for the past few years... Even the past 12 years, it's been a shitty downward slope. I'm only happy I have a healthy, happy, well adjusted son.
I guess I am happy that I at least have something to take the edge off the pain both physically and mentally. I'm glad that isn't as bad as it could be with me having nothing to manage with... So there's that.
While things have been really, really shitty for me for a long time, today something really wonderful happened. Something I had no expectation of happening, and didn't see coming at all, but it's a sign that things are going to get better for me and someone I love a whole lot, despite some recent... Bad and stressful shit, that actually brought things to where they are today. Today is the first day in a very long time I've at least felt positive and hopeful that things are going to turn around, not only for me but someone I care about a great deal who's struggled and suffered similarly for about just as long as I have. It was like answered prayer, and I genuinely was fucking HAPPY, like sincerely happy and really really feeling positive about shit and while I have a great deal of reasons, from past experience, to be apprehensive about everything that happened and has given me hope, and normally would be skeptical and hesitant to believe it... I haven't been negative about it and haven't let that negativity weasel it's way into my mind... At least not yet,and I owe a great deal of that to my friend whom also is doing better after such a rough time lately and in the last decade just like I have. Just being I'm not anxious that it won't turn out to disappoint me and just be another time of feeling like I am getting my hopes up for nothing... It feels real and like shit that should have always been there has came back to me and things are going to start clicking into place with shit improving a great deal in a short time. Like it's the first time shit feels like it's happening as it should and I feel a huge weight lifting off me.
Even if shit doesn't pan out... I had one single day today that was fucking wonderful. I don't even do anything special except spend the whole day having a good time talking to my friend and that really made all the difference in the world to me. My friend is also feeling a lot better than he was too and that also made me happy... We will see. I really hope shit keeps going like it has today and only improves for us both.
Post last edited by hydromorphone at 2017-05-22T03:54:46.527828+00:00 -
2017-05-22 at 3:33 AM UTC in (Enter) Forgetting to Use Birth Control: Unwanted Pregnancies Support...I think you might be on to something here. I know that when I am ovulating (or at least roughly around that time I SHOULD be) that I have more "brain farts" and in general seem to have slightly more memory issues than normal. I also tend to be incredibly more "lovey-dovey" overall, and if I was sexually active, I likely would be more open to sex at those times of the month as opposed to other times, I think.
My mother lied to my father to get pregnant with me. She told him that she had "accidentally" missed 1 single birth control pill (that'd she'd been taking for years). Now, the funny part is, not but a month or so before she would have conceived, she'd come. To my father saying "wouldn't it be nice to have a baby? My sister is having a baby! Blah blah blah.." and he said "Hey, we do have babies already! We have motorcycles and dogs and cats! They're are babies!" unfortunately he didn't get the hint.
Before marriage they'd said they both didn't want kids and agreed they'd have a life with dogs and motorcycles... Not ever having a human baby. Anyway... I and even he, after discussing this with me, thinks it's total bullshit she was on birth control one fucking time, one single pill and. Got pregnant. It's also funny too that she went in for a blood test the day of her missed period because they'd have been going away for a vacation and she wanted to know if she could drink or not... that came out of her own mouth and also fucked up part was shed said my whole fucking life I was a "planned" child but when confronting her with what I found out later in life, she back pedaled and said "well... We'd been talking about it..." lmfao. Yeah... I was planned, but not by the both of them. She manipulated and did shady shit to get pregnant and probably hadn't been taking birth control in fucking ages. I believe that with all my heart and I think it was fucking bullshit and horrible for ANY woman to get pregnant in such deceptive ways.
I was stupid when I got pregnant, believing I had fertility issues (though there was good reason to believe that being that I hadn't been using BC for 2 1/2 years and had been diagnosed with super bad ovarian cysts),but I fucking did at least make all parties aware of this and that they had their full right to wait until we could get condoms the next day... That was on both of them. I was honest, didn't lie or decieve anyone, albeit I was fucking retarded and stupid and should have never assumed I had fertility issues, not like that, but I can say no person was lied to or manipulated by me,nor would I ever- and for the record FUCK having another child. I am one and done. I made my mistake, now I'm going to live with it, and use the opportunity of having only one single "only" child to spoil the shit out of him and give him all my love, attention and devotion and make the best of a not so good thing. Malice- you were right... You were always right. I never disagreed with that. I NEVER will make that mistake again though. -
2017-05-21 at 4:23 PM UTC in Someone losing their mind
Originally posted by infinityshock you must be a bitch
I'm a bitch only because I happen to be of the female sex. I'm actually a very nice, polite, and considerate person in real life. I don't like to cause or make drama and go out of my way to prevent that if at all possible (hence me making a trek to the furthest part of the parking lot to smoke behind a tree). -
2017-05-21 at 4:14 PM UTC in Being sickYou're seriously retarded if you think you can't get HIV/AIDS from a woman and considering you've stated many times you don't use condoms, you're chance is way higher you have or will contract HIV/AIDS at some point in your life.
It can take up to 6 years for HIV/AIDS to show up on a blood test. I believe it's minimum 3 months of contracting it to show up, but more often 6 months to a year for it to come back positive on a test. -
2017-05-21 at 3:56 PM UTC in Anyone ever get spanked as a kid
Originally posted by Bill Krozby is that you talking or the t-pain withdrawals talking?
Well, I again pulled off a miracle, so nope. No, tia*neptine withdrawals for me and hopefully not anytime in the near future.
Having said that though, it has nothing to do with what I said even I was in tia*neptine withdrawals. Anyone who wants to believe bullshit just because they have engaged in it and refuse evidence that they are in the wrong and have caused damage to their children- anyone that insecure about themselves is a hick-nigger idiot. On top of that they say that there has been contradictory evidence with studies but he refuses to show the sources of such studies he claims "change every 10 years".
When I was pregnant, I did a lot of research about everything from circumcision, child birth, education, to discipline of children. I wanted to know as much as I could and not just pretend like I already knew everything just because "this is how I was raised" or "this is what everyone else does" blindly without so much a a quick Google search. I was reading studies, books, medical journals, accounts from nurses and doctors and child psychologists. I want to do the best I can for my child and try to do the best I can for him. I am not a perfect parent, but I hope to do as much right for him as I can and thats why I am against any form of violence and physical punishment. I too thought years and years ago that some kids just needed a good ass whooping, but the studies show that it doesn't do any good. It doesn't do anything but negative for both parent and child. The studies might not "raise" a kid, but they are documenting those who have and showing that corporal punishment does not work like we think it does and leave a child who is scarred for the rest of their life, and fuck it doesn't even stop the bad behavior.
Also there are very few parents who use spanking without them being emotionally charged and upset,despite everyone pretending "oh well, you do it FOR the kid- no because you're angry" yeah... I've never seen a parent whoop a kids ass without being heated and charged themselves and that rubs off on the kid too. Ironically enough all the kid learns is how to react with violence when upset themselves and it doesn't even stop the bad behavior in the long run. I've seen both parenting methods, and the kid who is sat down, talked to, has the bad behavior ignored/loses privileges due to their behavior learns from that where as the kid who's spanked just waits and does it again not too far later.
I don't think people who raised their kids with spankings or violence are necessarily bad people or bad parents, but they sure are fucking retarded and idiots when they can't admit what they've done has been wrong. That's what pisses me off more than anything. You can never grow or be better if you want to insist your wrongs aren't wrongs or mistakes and own up to those. -
2017-05-21 at 3:15 PM UTC in Someone losing their mind
Originally posted by fag BLaming drugs is part of the stigma against mental illness. Any excuse to not have any empathy or compassion for the mentally ill (especially males) is a good excuse for most people. Drugs can cause drug induced psychosis which is temporary, real mental illness isn't caused by drugs, it's just that people with a mental illness like to self medicate, and for good reason. When you proliferate stigma it's a sign of ignorance, it's the rich mans dogma.
I agree 100% with this. When you're suffering or hurting with a mental problem or fuck... Any problem and nobody can help or you can't afford help, you bet your ass most people will self medicate. -
2017-05-21 at 3:13 PM UTC in Someone losing their mind
Originally posted by Darth Beaver In other words most if the time you've dealt with security you been acting like an idiot before they arrived.
Well, you're wrong there. I've never done anything to deserve being pestered by those asshole scum. As I stated before, I was at the hospital visiting someone. I was there for a while and was going to be there even longer I walked to the parking lot, far the fuck away from anyone and stood beside a tree and was smoking a cigarette. It would have taken me 10-15 minutes to walk off the hospital property because of all the construction going on around the hospital. I wasn't by the front doors, I wasn't near any entrances, or near any of the outside benches/tables that a lot of the staff used for their lunch breaks. I was so far from everyone that the nigger-faggot security guard had to use a golf cart to get near where I was in the back of this parking lot to bitch at me for smoking a cigarette. There was no call for him to do that. I wasn't bothering anyone or causing a scene, I was smoking a cigarette. Pretty shitty of a person with their first words being to me "you can't smoke here and if you don't stop I'm going to call the police and have you ticketed and trespassed" like wtf? Over a cigarette. I'd understand it if I stepped 2 steps past the front door and lit up or something, but goddamn, I'm fucking in this huge ass parking lot with not a single soul around other than robocop who fucking was too lazy to even walk to where I was at and had to ride his gay ass golf cart to be a dick to me. -
2017-05-21 at 10:21 AM UTC in ted nugent on shitpissing his full niggerdrawers in kikesborough
-
2017-05-21 at 7:05 AM UTC in Anyone ever get spanked as a kid
Originally posted by Malice You heard the man folks, not spanking your kids/a lack of corporal punishment causes suicide, disability, and a general inability to cope with life/function well.
I had no idea simple spankings had such miraculous effects on children. The empirical evidence is simply undeniable.
Malice, he's just one of this hick-nigger pieces of shit. His parents dropped him on the head as a baby (probably beat him around a little too) and he's got this complex to defend his abusers and their ways because he's got blinders on.
First he claims that there are contradicting studies... But fails to post any sources of those. Then he just writes off his "experience" as this broad and expansive evidence.
He's an idiot. One of the reasons I fucking hate humanity in their infinite stupidity.