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Posts by hydromorphone
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2017-07-04 at 3:06 PM UTC in Self MutilationI started mutilating myself when I was like 10-11 or so. I can break into a disposable shaving razor quick as shit to extract the 1-4 razors, depending on brand from the plastic shell. I preferred to use legit razors, when available though, just they dull out so quick. My face and neck are probably the only place on my body that doesn't have scars over scars, though I do have a few minor scars on my face, not very noticeable though.
I used to take these long needles and drive them through my forearms, out the other side-sometimes I'd need to get pliers to pull them through all the way so they wouldn't get stuck half-in, half out. Lighters were another favorite of mine, zippos, especially. They work nice for heating up metal items to which I'd burn my flesh with.
I stopped doing this regularly around 17 or so. It's a bitch having to explain to some faggot why you do this to yourself, and deal with the "Don't do that" shit. I grew up in FL, but wore long sleeves most the time. Now I'm an adult, I don't do this regularly, I still have to deal with some idiots when I wear more exposing clothing.
I remember doing this and being in extreme emotional distress and sinking a razor into my arm, thigh, or side, and it would be like cool water putting out a fire. It created this calm within me. I could sit and do this for hours. I'd focus on how deep, or wide I could open myself up, how much blood I could get to pour. I did once try to kill myself by slitting my wrists- just got one, blood went everywhere, and then I clotted up. Fucking one hell of mess to clean up, I'll tell ya what. I won't be trying that one again... jut one the pain to numb out some.
I have done it from time to time since my teens while under great stress. I usually pick less conspicuous locations, like my inner thighs, stomach, sides and such to do it when I feel the need to bleed than I used to, but meh... I don't give a fuck about scars, just what nigger-faggots who don't know how to mind their own business have to say, or shit they start.
Anyone else prone to self harm? Why do you do it? -
2017-07-04 at 1:28 PM UTC in "Kicking around in a piece of ground in your hometown'I had this and every Pink Floyd album on vinyl as a kid. I resonated very much with this song, back then. "never seem to find the time, plans that come to half a scribbled line" or some shit... I haven't listened to it in probably a decade though.
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2017-07-02 at 11:20 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Piles of Crack Depression is fucking stupid
... and anxiety is down-syndrome retarded.
I have this feeling that my father DID at some points have bad anxiety, but never grew to really, really, understand it... it just became normal for him, normal to suppress, and conceal.
One of the earliest memories I have was my father telling me "You're either predator or prey, sweetie". When you walk abut in the world, you'll see the sheep, and you'll see the predators eyeing up the next mark. So many people just operate their entire lives on fucking over people, taking advantage of such. I wonder sometimes, if those folks even realize it, and if they ever did, would they change.
I carry myself much differently in the world that how I feel inside. I present myself much differently than I am, and sometimes I feel like a fraud. I hate being like that. I hate giving a fuck, when I honestly don't. I hate talking to people... most people, anyway. My biggest problem with the majority of people is their ulterior motives. The disingenuous attitudes of people. People who are so far separated from themselves next to any other living thing, they have no ability to relate or see themselves as anything but themselves. For me, I feel way too trapped on the other end of this, where my relating to everyone around me has this painful contact with others, because I empathize so god damned much it hurts.
Also, fuck people who have maggots literally crawling on their legs that are like raw fucking meat, and who bitch about windows and doors being open "allowing in flies" and fucking refuse to have any sort of air conditioning. Yep... you had maggots long before I left the door open to carry in groceries.... but somehow you're gonna blame this isolated incident on why there are flies in the house, despite there always being flies in the house, mainly because you smell like death and have weeping, infected, maggot infested legs... stop "thinking" about amputation, it's been fucking 15 years... just fucking do it already.
...AND GOD FUCKING DAMN ANYONE WHO SHITS ON THEIR BATHROOM FLOOR AND DOESN'T EITHER CLEAN IT UP OR FUCKING TELL ME WHEN IT HAPPENS! I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GOING TO START SHOOTING PEOPLE! same goes for dragging trash through the house when these fucking people get drunk, then having nurses and therapists over and looking at me like "IDK why she didn't clean it up" when I fucking don't even know that happened for fucks fucking sake... I fucking hate being empathetic.
User was banned for saying the taboo phrase "window"! -
2017-06-30 at 4:03 PM UTC in Got ripped off..OMFG... teenage girls fucked you up, what a sad fucking world we live in. Teenage girls who drive fancy cars to boot.
Fuck that shit, nigga. I'd suggest something, but you're too retarded for it/have a million excuses why you can't because you're such a cuck idiot 'tard. I won't waste my time... maybe Malice will. He seems to have a lot of that to spare. -
2017-06-30 at 3:32 PM UTC in yo my neighbors must be pissed lol
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2017-06-30 at 3:27 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Seventh Circle of Scrawny I got tek 4 sale $$$ hmu first point is free. $80 / G
got side hmu $$$$$$$$$
LMFAO, I'm not a complete retard.
I don't need your bunk ass meth, bro.
I'd test drugs Malice would mail me while being pregnant before I'd trust any thing you had, lol.
If I really, really want some meth, I can find/make/cop it. I really should avoid stims though... Cardio shit and stims like meth are especially bad for me. Wish I could haves some, but meh... not now... Some other time when I'm less prone to having my aneurysm rupture. WAAAY fucking too much stress at the moment. -
2017-06-30 at 3:18 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Piles of Crack I drank almost an entire fifth of whiskey throughout the day today and almost went out to get more before deciding that I probably didn't need it. I still have enough Captain Morgan left from the bottle hydro got me to make about two good stiff drinks but it kills me inside to drink 70 proof liquor and even though I don't mind rum it just makes me wish it were bourbon when I drink it.
I DON'T KNOW BOURBON!! I went with what I KNOW, and that is rum!. I'm sorry, for the fucking millionth time. You didn't spend enough effort to educate me on "good" bourbon... so... that's your fault when I stood like a deer in the headlights in front of all the bourbons... You FAILED me, PoC! I didn't even have time to debate, the dude was getting ready to close shop, and I had to think fast... I thought fast right into some Captain Morgan, because I KNOW captain morgan. That was my teenage drink of choice, because of my ol' suga momma. I can't help that's what I first got started on...
Fuck me
Just spank me, for being a bad girlfriend.
Originally posted by Malice Nigger, I was planning on making a thorough guide on how to acquire Nardil but after making a post on a basic and critical mistake most people make you responded "Please stop giving me advice."
I swear I'm going to contact Hydro directly, send it to her, and have her force you to follow it, to practice it with her roleplaying as the psychiatrist, and then make you actually go through with it.
If I was your father I would have the overwhelming urge to beat some sense into you, but even that wouldn't work and would just make things worse because you're so damn oversensitive.
BTW, I'm not sure if you ever saw me mention this, but you don't even have to follow a diet on MAOIs at all anymore. There's an incredibly simple method for this, all you have to do is take this or nortriptyline, which you can get cheaply and easily from online pharmacies: https://www.reddit.com/r/DrugNerds/comments/6ck29m/reboxetine_prevents_the_maoiinduced_increase_in/?st=j4j8kp5o&sh=54524bf0
Well, keep wallowing in your misery. After 3 years of suicidal depression following a severe mental breakdown I'm finally in remission. I tried so many countless substances and techniques (You probably remember my extreme autistic obsession, the walls of text I would constantly write): https://www.reddit.com/r/Nootropics/comments/372xw0/whats_the_largest_most_effective_combination_of/crjasso/?st=j4j8n657&sh=f10f9746
and after all those failures my research finally led me to the true solution, and when I finally acquired it (Did it twice on the first try with two psychs, despite my insane isolation, lack of social skills, and literal autsim) I was proven right. Zero side effects or food interactions. Nothing like anything you've tried before.
Post last edited by Malice at 2017-06-30T02:29:44.596587+00:00
Dude, he keeps saying the same shit to me, so don't feel bad. Soon enough we'll get that shit straight. We WILL find a better shrink than he's dealing with, even if I have to use my medicaid to get the shit for him (fuck, I've done that enough for legit faggots, I can do it for someone who really needs and deserves it). Please send me over any info that may prove valuable. It might take me a while, but you gotta at least give me credit, Mal, I always do come around you your advice, and yeah... it's always been right.
We're gonna work on getting nardil, but for the time being, T-PAIN sulfate is probably gonna be the ticket for now. I don't think benzos should be at play here though... and this drinking everyday shit has to stop, seriously...
fuck your mother, PoC. You might have mental problems, just like me, but people like her are really bad for people like us. I wanted to bith slap her every time she said about you, or someone, or something being "stupid".
It's not often people piss me off to this degree, but your mother certainly takes the cake here.
Originally posted by RestStop
^this a million times. First time I ever did meth, oh my fucking god... this is exactly what I was thinking. I'd only done blow before that, not even any pharm stims, so yes, I was pleasantly surprised, and came to form a strong sentiment to methamphetamine in a short time. Wish I had some now, TBH. -
2017-06-29 at 4:59 AM UTC in Six degrees of separation...
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2017-06-29 at 4:18 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Dargo Because salvation is dependent upon an individual's surrender to God. We are all judged separately for what we have done and what we believe (this is why Christians reject the collectivist mantra of socialism/communism). I can't save you, and you can't save me. Going to heaven or hell is up to each person to choose.
Additionally, your question assumes God would accept my life as atonement for the sins of ten others when I can't even atone for my own sins. That's why this bro called Jesus had to come be crucified.
You do realize that if "God" created everything, and all this bullshit, beta-omega BS, and can pretty much do anything he pleases....
then that makes us his suffering play things, so he won't be bored.
He's caused so much suffering, just to occupy his egotistical existence. -
2017-06-29 at 4:12 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSfor the record, I believe accounts of deities are just alien encounters.
I think there is some dimensional and paranormal shit... I've seen some fucked up and unexplainable shit in my day, a lot was seen with others too, so I wasn't the only batshit crazy person.
I am very uncertain about a lot of things, but have good reason to believe in some things... I believe in reincarnation. -
2017-06-29 at 4:07 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSMy father's dying words were "I'm going to shoot God in the fucking face!".
He suffered a lot, and if there is a God, who's in control of all this shit, all this suffering, then he truly is an evil, insufferable, egotistical faggot, for allowing this, his "creation" for what? His amusement? when so many of us would be just great with never existing. -
2017-06-29 at 2:45 AM UTC in how to get the smell of cat piss out of a book?
Originally posted by infinityshock theres some sort of enzymatic cleaner that is on the market that a chick i know uses to get piss smells out.
its either a bacteria…or enzyme…or some shit she says actually works
There are bacteria and enzyme shit that can work, but peroxide is the best shit ever for urine smells. It's also cheap as fuck (.88cent a bottle), it's the same shit they label "OXY" clean and shit. So much cheaper just to buy hydrogen peroxide, though. -
2017-06-29 at 2:34 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Piles of Crack I have some here that hydro left me but I haven't dosed it yet aside from one half ass eyeballed dose I took in her car when she gave it to me. I've heard its good for anxiety but I've got serious issues with anxiety lately and I don't know if a moderately effective nootroopic will cut it, at least for now while I deal with this rough patch.
Considering going back on T-PAIN sodium with occasional IN ketamine treatments for my depression/anxiety. Really struggling bad the past few weeks, hydro's visit was my only solace from it and I've been rapidly going downhill in the past four days or so.
Yeah, why not give the phenibut a fair shake? Just because it doesn't fuck you up, and will make you sick for 8 hours straight if you go much further over that 2gram line, doesn't mean it can't help, at least in some circumstances. I fucking hate benzos, and I'll take Phenibut no problem, and it even seems to help with the seizures for me... I have played lightly with it only because I don't need another monkey on my back, and certainly don't need a benzo-esque monkey either.
Just because it's a nootropic doesn't mean that it won't work. I fucking struck gold with T-PAIN.
"rapidly going down hill"... and it all correlates with you pulling away more, and more... that and I've been an extremely depressed cunt, who has been overwhelmed with suicidal ideation recently. I'm scared to die for how that relates to the people I love, not for all the reasons a sane human being should be scared to die. I don't know... Psychedelics do level me out, but man... DMT just teased my fucking cock, and I do become far less bothered by the whole dying thing.
The moon is a perfect crescent in the sky, setting right now... Very pretty, but always makes me really melancholy when I think too much about it. Deep shit, and all... Empathy is a horrible thing... I fucking hate it... I hate feeling how other people feel, and I feel my whole life, at least the majority of it has been me feeling other people's emotions... I feel like I've used this a lot to escape my own. -
2017-06-29 at 2:16 AM UTC in how to get the smell of cat piss out of a book?
Originally posted by -SpectraL You can't. Cat piss stench is permanent. You could soak it in bleach for a week and it will still smell like cat piss. Cat piss is the equivalent of skunk juice.
peroxide will get piss, any kind, even cat piss, out of anything. Not sure what it'll do to a book, but it will take it out of fabric, carpet and shit...
It breaks down the ammonia, changes it's structure... cat piss is some bad ass stuff, but it's not fucking magic. -
2017-06-29 at 2:13 AM UTC in Six degrees of separation...When I get this high, sometimes I dwell on this idea. We all aren't that far from one another in the great scheme of things, and that "it's a small world" is legit.
I think too about how we somehow, in a random crap-shoot, have come around to affect each other's lives, some more profoundly than others.
Also, how I feel more kinship, and familial ties to people I've never met IRL than people I've known for years and years and SHOULD by every measure call these people "kin", but I don't.
How would my life be if I'd not stumbled upon TOTSE when I was 13 and went down the long, dark, sometimes fun road of being a drug addict? All the weirdos I've met, talked to, called friend, and bullshit I got myself into... it's like a spider web of possibilities, and just one path got set into motion. I could be so different right now... or maybe not, I'm not sure. -
2017-06-29 at 1:59 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Dargo I'm glad the medication is finally working. That's what it's supposed to do.
I was going to write something about how the joy of life is found in the little things - a sunny day, a good meal, great sex - all of which you have seemingly cast aside. But after thinking about it more, I remembered you're right. Life is shit. Complete and utter shit. Pleasure is shallow and fleeting, there's no purpose, no meaning, and we're all simply destined to die one day. Yee.
This will probably make you twitch, but that is exactly why I am a Christian. I came to the same conclusion you did, that life sucked beyond measure, and was ready to end it. Something happened tho (I dunno what) and I found religion instead. Laugh all you want, but now I've got the lasting happiness you're still chasing after. It's pretty nice.
Yeah, thanks bae. I may be overpaid, but I am good at what I do. I won't offer you any sort of psychoanalysis, because the notion I could accurately assess/diagnose you over the internet is rather absurd. Even the one I wrote on Sophie a while back was tongue in cheek. You might benefit from seeing a shrink IRL though, just don't lie about everything.
Dargo,
I seen a vanity plate with DARGO a few days ago... obviously, thought of you. So, are you that self absorbed to have a vanity plate with your faggy user-handle from some shit-tier forum?
I'm fucking high as shit right now... holy fuck. -
2017-06-29 at 1:53 AM UTC in So, I don't have a dick
Originally posted by gLAM gLAM You could try losing weight if you don't want to take any drugs. Fat produces estrogen. If you're not fat though and still want to take drugs, there are foods like soybeans which contain phytoestrogens and other estrogen-like drugs which will sort of replace your endogenous estrogen with its weaker version, but I don't know how well that actually works. Don't listen to what you read about it increasing estrogen levels because not all estrogenic drugs are the same. I know fruits and some other seeds/nuts/beans effect estrogen levels too but I only know about soy.
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So much bullshit. I can hear my botany/bio instructor now, who had a PhD in Plant Genetics face palming now. Plant hormones does not translate over to animal hormones, faggot. Just because they similarly structured does not mean they are gonna act the way, be responsive, or effect a human body the way legit hormones, animal hormones, would. -
2017-06-29 at 1:13 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Piles of Crack If I don't find a good functional benzo to maintain myself on I think I'm going to become an alcoholic, this is the first time I've felt I was really in danger of having a problem with my alcohol consumption.
Reading up a lot on pyrazolam.
Fuck you...
I heard this like... a month and a half ago... and look what happened there. Bitch, you know damn well that benzos ALWAYS fucking ALWAYS end up going down a road you really don't wanna go. -
2017-06-28 at 6:54 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSYesterday was one of the worst days I'd dealt with in a LOOOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGGG fucking time, and that's saying a lot since Friday night til Monday afternoon, I was in super bad withdrawals, "Contemplating on the Tree of Woe, getting by with mega super doses of gabapentin and on Sunday night, with alcohol.
Went over to a friend's in the evening, took her grocery shopping. She fixed me dinner (I cooked, she just was like.... "here... make food" lol). I ate 1/4 of this special fudge, got stoned as fuck, and then smoked DMT. Before I smoked the DMT, 1337 called and bullshitted with me (Hey, I told him not to go to the dope-man... I can't help he doesn't listen), so he gets there, I go to smoke DMT and we both report back, high as fuck on our respective drugs about 30 minutes later. (Before this, stoned, I'd taken her dog and walked like a mile and found this beautiful lake that was dammed up, with the waterfalls and it sounded so nice... I'd walked back on a busy road talking to 1337 on my way back lol)
I fucking seen whisps of the aliens, and seen... not so much seen, but more "felt" my horse... fractals were fucking awesome. I laid spun out on my friend's bed, with her dog, and it was... just what I'd needed after such a hellish day. I'd come down when he'd called back, but was still fucked and we'd had a fucked up 3-person conversation about dual-vaginas, how that would work out, and if pregnancy could happen separately, like getting pregnant once, then a few months later getting pregnant and having babies at different times... I think my friend who was there too, we'd got onto orgies... drugging and raping... and I think I'd said I'd eat 1337's wife's pussy... and I'm not bisexual, not in the least LMFAO...
Holy shit... I also drove home, 50 miles with a state trooper on my ass, at 4AM. He finally blew by me when I was about 2 miles from home.
I am definitely down for IVing DMT. God, I am fucking itching to eat an entire fucking field full of magic mushrooms while I rape Piles of Crack again. BTW, yes, all my previous posts of raping PoC had come to fruition and if not for coming home pretty much in WDs and and stressed as fuck over everything else, I would have reported back sooner on that. Very happy. Very sad to have had to leave to come back home for the time being... soon enough though, won't really have to worry about that, though... We'll have a place together, and I'll be able to rape PoC every night 'til my heart's content- it'll be great. It's not so far off. -
2017-06-26 at 5:41 PM UTC in Hamburger
Originally posted by Kolokol-1 Who cares if it's cow or horse? It probably tastes about the same anyway
This.
As being a person who's been intimately close to the equine world I 100% support equine slaughter. My thing is, with all slaughter practices, we need to make it far more humane and less... Terrifying. There should be more regulation and check ups on places like that, and those caught breaking rules, rules that cause undue stress, pain or torture should be dealing with criminal charges.
No animal should have any undue stress placed on them especially when they're giving their life so we can eat. They deserve that much respect at least. That's what really bothers me about slaughter houses more than anything. We definitely should be using halal type slaughter (slitting the throat- not the other religious bullshit) it's been shown to be far more painless and least stressful from brain scans while it's happening compared to other methods that are MUCH more painful and stressful to the animal being slaughtered.
