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Posts by hydromorphone
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2017-07-25 at 6:53 PM UTC in I always check my oil.
Originally posted by cerakote word of advice, keep extra bottles of all fluids in your vehicle. a gallon of water, antifreeze, power steering, etc etc. had a pretty respectable radiator leak a while back and if not for the gallon of distilled water behind my seat my shit would have been royally fucked up. ended up using the entire gallon of water just to keep it from overheating long enough to get home where i could replace it. power steering fluid cap came loose, spilled fluid everywhere which caused the serpentine belt to slip off the tensioner pulley, which broke off after flying forward because it wasnt pulled down by the belt, which punched the hole in my radiator. to top off my 1 in a million shitty luck, the new radiator (didnt cost me a dime, thanks lifetime warranty) that i installed had a hole in it out of the box, so i had to go get another one that wasnt pre-fucked. as if that werent enough, the radiator that replaced the defective one was missing a fitting in the bag, which just so happened to be the only one i needed to finish the replacement.
i have never been pranked harder by life than i was that day
OMG, this is every fucking time I have ever doe anything on a vehicle... or every father on Christmas eve trying to put together a bike/swing set/assembly required item. There are chinks in china just laughing away that they didn't include that one bolt/screw/part fitting necessary for it to go together properly. I truly believe this is done on purpose. -
2017-07-25 at 6:34 PM UTC in After betaBay, Hansa Market got murked the other day.
Originally posted by greenplastic The point is not for them to stop drug abuse, it's for them to continue making money off busting people. In that sense, they can always win.
Unfortunately you're right in that assumption. The continuation of outlawing of substances, is just a ploy to make a few at the top very rich and line their pockets. Making drugs illegal also artificially inflates their prices, thus generating more profit.
I have hope that one day that we will, as a society, open our eyes and stop destroying lives with the prohibition on drugs. My post stating the war on drugs cannot be won, was basically, you aren't going to stop people from using or selling drugs, no matter what penalty or threat you place on doing so. The countries that have the strictest penalties for drugs, tend to be the a huge mill for them too, just proving no threat is enough to stop the trade. I hope one day we can see this madness stop. It's harmful to every facet of society, as it stands now. -
2017-07-25 at 10:56 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSOkay! My morning JUST got better... then worse.
I'll start- while cleaning out a room that'd been being used as storage up til recently where I live, I found 2 ziplock baggies. The first contained 13 soma, and 4 10/325mg hydrocodone. The second contained a single 5/500mg hydrocodone *drum roll* and 7 2mg dilaudid! Fucking SCOOOOOORE!
Then I got screamed at by my mother, her cat had wounded a Robin, who's wing is broken, can't fly, and tail feathers have pretty much been ripped out. Got a towel, and placed her (female by the dull, dingy coloring of her feathers) in a box with a shallow dish of water. Going to get some grubs from the bait store later for her, and maybe try some bird seed/crushed up berries. Also think, to help her out since she did go through quite an ordeal, a little sugar water would probably give her some strength, though she was quite active when I found her, and jumped away, and was slightly a challenge to capture her, with me trying to be delicate so I didn't accidentally hurt her more, but that could have been just her adrenaline going from nearly being killed too . If I hadn't have took her in, I'm sure something, if not my mother's cat, would have her dead in the next few hours, being as vulnerable as she is, unable to fly, with her injuries. Hopefully she heals fast and can be returned to the wild in short order I'm guessing, maybe a few weeks, a month, possibly... hopefully her wing is able to mend to where she can still fly once it's had time to heal- I'm going to check it out better once she has time to calm down and rest from being almost killed, and traumatized by me picking her up. I have her in a deep box, but she can jump out of it, so I have a towel over top it with a small corner left uncovered so there's light for her to see where her water dish is. -
2017-07-25 at 9:15 AM UTC in After betaBay, Hansa Market got murked the other day.The war on drugs (which, for the most part, taking down DNM is an assault on) can never be won. If there's a demand, there will always be someone to fill the supply. It sucks that there's a lot of decent people just trying to make a living (and some pieces of shit too, as is in everything) who'll have their lives ruined in this, but it'll just cycle again and again... another market will fill in eventually. As long as you (and me), and the rest of society continue to desire what others wish us not to have, someone will always step in to complete the deal.
Sad that DNM exist in the first place. -
2017-07-25 at 8:34 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Piles of Crack Someone is about to trade me Platinum Girl Scout Cookies for a few measly grams of powder caffeine because he's making homemade energy drinks with it…wtf.
Right after I had my son, like a goddamn fucking Godsend, this kid we'd ran across at the ER (I had to drive my ex for a migraine at like 1am... again.) who'd spotted me a smoke while I waited (I had quit at this point, but meh, well... this was a particularly stressful night), and we'd ran into each other at the pharm filling our scripts, he'd asked my ex while walking out if he had or couple cop some weed for him. SO, we'd ran and did that while getting our own, and during I was discussing my usage of T-PAIN, and love of all things opiate related, especially fucking dilaudid. I'd never been able to find dillys up that way before, and always had to drive min 180miles south for them... told him if he ever ran across them, to hit he up.
I was dying in pain after the baby was born, already burnt through the few perc I'd gotten right before I delivered, and he called, and while at first I knew we were broke as shit and there was NO WAY I could afford pills, I still had to ask the price... all he wanted was a little bit of reefer. I hopped right on that shit. ended up getting 10 4mg dillys for like a half gram of weed. Shit, I even told him that's really all I had to spare, but he was all over that since he wasn't going to be IVing shit. I ended up just shooting 2mg every 4-6 hours... it helped. Was far less than my friend was getting when she'd had her baby. Shit, he fucking ended up insisting on smoking the weed I'd traded with us too... one of those once in a life time drug deals. -
2017-07-24 at 9:49 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSMy sleep has gotten severely worse with losing my dog/animals. To the point PoC has offered to procure me sedatives. I just hate how sedatives/most drugs in those classes make me feel with the after affect. IDK, I might score some somas from my mother to have coming soon... I have really had a bad pattern of poor sleep and long periods without sleep (save for my visit with PoC- fucking worked like a charm. Slept deep, and for a normal length of time), but my problem is I'd rather have stims because I feel so fucking... blah all the time, and can't get my ass in gear to get shit done and I procrastinate so fucking badly... probably from being chronically fatigued from not resting properly... it sucks.
I do love animals for a variety of reasons, but in the case of snuggles, except unless it's a big cuddle-pile with my old pack, with 13 dogs snuggled tight around me (for warmth), I do prefer a human being I feel comfortable and safe with (my ex never did this for me, I was scared to sleep with him and awoke in a panic often), because I enjoy how I can wrap my body around theirs, and like... it they have their legs just right, where I can put my legs sorta on top theirs, and snuggle in their arm/head on their chest under their chin, it puts me in sort of a cradled position, which I fucking adore.
there was times, like when we'd watch TV when I was a kid, were I'd cuddle on my dad's lap and he'd hold me, cradling me, arm holding my head/shoulders, and the other under my knees, and omg... I felt so safe and awesome like that. Sometimes he'd carry me to bed, and like... I'd wake up alone and have an anxiety attack big time...
I think a lot of parents think kids get upset sleeping alone due to fear of the dark and shit, but fuck... we're social creatures who developed to sleep with one another in a group. I think it's fucked up that people have such an issue sleeping with their kids. I never have slept apart from my son, and well... I wouldn't ever force him to sleep alone, like a lot of parents do. It's not just fear of the dark, it's fear of being alone, which fuck... who really wants to sleep alone? I think it causes more harm to a kid than forcing them to "toughen up" and sleep in their own bed. My fucking mother tried this and got super pissy over me sleeping in bed with my dad, and yeah, looking back, as much as I did cuddle tight with him, i was a child sized cock-block, but fuck... they coulda/shoulda found other times to fuck than at night when it was time to fucking sleep. lol I think my father really didn't wanna fuck my mother at that point anyway, and I was a good excuse, and why he always gave into me wanting to snuggle and sleep with him. Can't really blame him... she was/is a super cunt.
I'd asked PoC if he'd have any problems with my son sleeping with us, and thankfully this isn't an issue. §m£ÂgØL was dead set against this though, and he didn't give a single fuck about any studies or professional opinions I could cite indicating it wasn't healthy for kids/people to be sleeping alone.
As for your fear of relationships and shit... I understand. I definitely can see MDMA helping you out there. I definitely get that appearances online and IRL are different, I just think you underestimate my ability to sympathize, be patient, and understanding. Funny lol, we're literally the ying and yang of how we go about relationships/closeness with people/animals. I'm open to almost everyone, and you're scared to death of it with a legit phobia. Working with horses taught me a lot, especially the abused ones, about how to be patient, understanding, and move slow... this also translated into relationships. I have a big empathetic heart... I hurt when others are hurting, and have a strong desire to help people in pain, or fear even... meh, I'm also very fucked up and damaged too. -
2017-07-24 at 8:34 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by aldra don't listen she's trying to seduce you
No I'm not. I have zero desire for anything other than friendship, and what I think'd be a pretty cool and interesting experience meeting up with Mal.
Originally posted by cerakote fuck you hydro i copyrighted the kittens and coloring books that means you cant say it you ape
Fuck you, you dickless piece of shit, you can't copywrite kittens and coloring books. It's shit I like too, you know.
Originally posted by Malice The interpersonal dynamics that would arise from positioning myself betwixt Hydro and PoC as lovers is so utterly horrifyingly that my mind retracts and refuses to delve further.
The unimaginable complexity of standard human relationships within a typical human life and the potential for the severe psychological distress and other forms of harm they cause genuinely terrifies me to the point that I don't believe I will ever desire to be the kind of person who enmeshes himself within this environment-dynamic and have more than a very limited number of personal relations I truly value.
Humans are monsters, and I see even myself as a deviation so monstrous and abnormal, to the extent that I do not fully understand myself despite the inordinate amount of time I've spent in self-reflection throughout my life.
I am what those apex predators who exist in the dark would fear as their unknown force who exists in a greater kind of darkness. The quality runs so deep that it threatens to overcome and turn against even myself. If you do not truly understand what danger you wield you will never know what exactly it is you risk.
are you saying we can't be friends because I am in a relationship with PoC? I fucking have zero desire to have sex, or any other kind of relationship with you beyond platonic, no offense, and I from my understanding, I wouldn't be your type anyway, especially in the physical category. My suggestion was purely innocent and while, yes, I seriously would meet up with you IRL, I highly doubt it would happen, at least any time soon. It spawns from me believing you're a pretty cool person, and I consider you friend already because of all the things you've helped me with, and helped me help the people I love in life. I definitely am not trying to make some autistic love triangle here. I also believe you'd benefit from socialization from someone like me... I've always been good with autistic people before... probably because I'm autistic myself, now I'm coming to realize.
I hate most people, and society too... I feel lucky to come across so many kindred spirits from the forums, and definitely have embraced them as my friends and even family.
When you mentioned weighted blankets, it made me think. For as long as I can remember, I love to wrap up in a blanket like a cocoon, being tightly wrapped, unable to move. I also like being tightly embraced, held. Also does play into my sex life too, preferring to be held, pinned, or tied. It makes me a lot more comfortable. I slept with my dad for like... ever...til I was at least 10-12 regularly and I only stopped doing it ALL the time because I felt societal pressure that there was something wrong with sleeping, cuddled in my daddy's arm at night (and no, nothing sexual ever happened or went through my mind, you sickos). Even when I was a teen, adult, especially during illness, injury, or extremely depressed or scared I ALWAYS would cuddle in my daddy's arms to go to sleep. It helped me a lot. MY ex was pissy and IDK, kinda weird when I did this, else I'd have probably done it more... I swear, my father also had "healing hands", it was like he could suck the pain or sickness out of you. I seen him do it to others, and had it done myself. It was like electricity flowing through his hands, when he'd "suck" out the pain... also may have been a reason I developed such a strong connection and desire to cuddle with my dad, even after I grew past the point of it not being weird to sleep with your parents... I remember being very embarrassed to tell anyone that I slept with my father, snuggled up in his arm, for as long as I did, much less when I did it as a teen or adult. IDC anymore, I miss it a lot. I miss him cuddling me and making me feel safe, and making all my pain and anxiety go away, and fixing me up when I would get sick... it's why I like to cuddle so much, and likely why cuddling isn't a sexual thing for me. I've cuddled in the same bed with my weed/pill dealer and his girlfriend while I was in WDs. That was kinda weird, but kinda cool... it definitely helped with the WDs quite a bit.
I wish I could cuddle with PoC right now, so I can feel safe, and have this anxiety lift off me, even if for just a little bit, and sleep. I don't sleep well and do have insomnia bad. I had the best sleep in forever when I visited and could sleep in the same bed with him, snuggled close to his body... meh, it sucks not having him to cuddle and sleep this moment... so much I almost wanna cry I can't have it right now. -
2017-07-24 at 8:04 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Malice I often feel like I want to drive a power drill straight into my brain and let all the pain and disease out.
I've mentioned the concept of thanatos before and how it relates to my life, why my actions have been so consistently self-destructive for so long. I think I may have a perpetual urge to die, to return to non-existence, that never fully goes away, even during manic moods and happy moments.
I think I'm the kind of person that could commit suicide even at their happiest moment, having been genuinely happy for years, over a decade.
Post last edited by Malice at 2017-07-23T08:11:46.878277+00:00
You ever heard of that lady who did that to treat her chronic migraines? Apparently it worked. I thought that was cool. I believe it's, trepanation, has been a thing in many different cultures around the world.
I know, when I wasn't suicidal, but rather depressed about my problems and the severity of them, I've thought about lobotomy on myself... desperately wanting to "fix" myself.
Originally posted by Kinkou I love drugs or beer in the morning on the weekend
Oh God, yes. I am not so fond of alcohol, but I can sympathize. Also with mothers screaming and shit for no good reason, just to cause anxiety. Hope it gets better for ya... meh... it's fucking awful.
I hate being forced to live in the den of my moms house and have her scream at me about mundane shit every hour
Originally posted by What_a_Kreep It's funny to that this was a requirement for coming to the US back then. To me, there is nothing in common with the original sounding of my great grandfather's last name and what it is today. They sucked any smidgen of ethnic diversity right out on outta there along with any extra vowels, goal was to make it sound as boring as possible. They were off to a good start, the first letter sounds the same fore sure, but then they decided to go off script picking 2 random English words, smcooosh them together and *BOOM* You're an American now.
The things that bother people, people in power, never cease to amaze me.
Come on over, it's the land of liberty, be anyone you want to be! – except for anything that's hard for the most of us to pronounce. That would make us feel stupid, and we're not stupid, we're Americans. You're stupid, GTFO.
Edit: typos n shit
How you been, Kreep? Shit going alright for you and litefire? Hope so. Take it easy.
Originally posted by Discount Whore 2.0 We are potty training him and he went onto his toilet, did not poop, left without his pants and then decided to poop on the floor. we let him do the no pants thing so its our fault really.
When I was a baby, like 1 year old, I smeared shit EVERYWHERE when I was put down for a nap... My dad called my mother "HEY! I NEED HELP ASAP!!" at first she thought I got hurt but as soon as she realized what it was she said "uhhh.... I gotta work late today, sorry *click*" and hung up lol and she NEVER had to stay working late. My father had to take me out back and hose me off. It was the literal representation of "shit hitting the fan". He wished he'd had a hazmat suit for that one.
Originally posted by Discount Whore 2.0 fuck guys i dont want to be a parent right now, i wanna be 18 again.
Join the club. I feel that way sometimes. Not so much because of my son though... just everything else.
Originally posted by Discount Whore 2.0 I should not be allowed around tequila
I know MANY people who should not be around tequila (it sucks anyway... rum is the correct answer here). When I was a teen (16-early 20's)I had a friend we called Momma Pam. She was like my father's age and shit.She was married to this fuckhead who cheated on her, to which she didn't believe if told (despite KNOWING that she was cheated on 7 times prior to marrying him, she'd screamed it back across the room toward her son in defense when he'd said he had cheated on her before 7 times- "IT WAS BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED!!!" as though this changed anything or made it better... honestly it makes it worse IMO lol), brought the worst out of her, she was an ex-meth addict for 20+ years from Washington (came to FL with her husband for him to get his 2 kids back whom the mom had abandoned them and his parents got custody of them- he only did this because she pushed him to "do the right thing" and he thought FL would be better than it actually is lol). Both her and her husband worked shitty fastfood jobs, smoked weed, and had a retarded redneck addiction to NASCAR.
I'll always remember her laughing her ass off at that song "tequila makes her clothes come off" and the night she got plastered on tequila... funny shit. It does, in fact, make your clothes come off lol.
Sad thing about Pam, who was, despite her bad, a good woman, just married to a giant, egotistical sociopath idiot. She got diagnosed with cancer, and as soon as she told him, her husband left her for this other woman. She died 3 months later... he took everything from her, including 20 years of her otherwise shitty life, which tbh, was better addicted to meth in the house she rented for 20+ years than being with him...
We'd had a falling out about 2 years, because of her husband (couldn't say anything bad about him, even though he literally was fucking teenage girls at his management job at a fastfood place, with evidence even, along with everyone seeing and knowing it was going on... and she defended every shitty thing that man did to everyone else too)... With the time had passed I decided to call her and see how she was doing, water under the bridge and all that, yadayada... I knew she ALWAYS worked Friday nights at Subway and so I was gonna prank call in like 20 subs right before closing... (used to do it all the time for the lulz and to get a rise outta her lol) and well... it was another girl I knew answered and asked her if she was just covering Pam's shift that night... Nope... She'd been dead a year, and that's how I found out.
Later talked to other mutual friend's (had a bit of a hiatus from everyone for a while there honestly... I wasn't doing good mentally and had moved 140 miles away) and they told me the last thing she'd said was "he really didn't love me, and took everything from me, even at the end... couldn't even let me die with the man I at least loved... at least I die knowing what scum he is..."
I'll always think of her when tequila is brought up. We had a lot of fun times in the house, and her and staying with her was a huge part of the good memories I had as a teenager, doing stupid teenager things... and cocaine. -
2017-07-24 at 7:02 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Malice .
Give me a house full of tendies and kitties, motherfuckers, I don't want your women. They are inherently evil and the most destructive force in modern civilization.
Hey, Malice, can I come visit you and we can go outside and color in coloring books and pet kitties (and puppies too, if possible... I like puppies)? That'd be cool. I'd totally be down for doing that. We could also go beat the fuck out of Captain Failcon together too, while we're at it, if we can get him to come for a "meet up" too... That'd be some good bonding shit right there, if you ask me.
I'm a pretty patient person, so your autistic shit wouldn't bother me in the least. I'm serious about this too. I think my son is showing signs of autism (he doesn't speak a whole ton, not compared to kids his age), so he'd be tagging along too with me... just think of him as a puppy/kitty with less hair, and that's bipedal. Pretty good kid, and he loves animals too. You could get some quality social therapy with us, and maybe help identify more if he's autistic too, so I could zone in on the best ways to help him not suffer throughout life with it/lower the chances of negative effects of the condition from manifesting. -
2017-07-21 at 1:54 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSOh, and Malice, speaking of orgasms: I haven't been able to get off without someone in for fucking ever... masturbation is weak as fuck and rarely amounts to orgasm, and if it does, it's far more work than the out come which is more a biological reaction than anything else, no real pleasure involved. I think T-PAIN helped my sex drive some since I can get off to a satisfactory level with someone.
My ex fucked my head up and really fucked sex around for me for 11 years. It wasn't til I was with §m£ÂgØL that I realized sex didn't always have to be painful as it ALWAYS was with my ex, unless fucked to hell and back on drugs. I realized how psychologically I was messed up when I was bent over the bathroom sink being fucked (some trade or another I wasn't really into it) and then thought of §m£ÂgØL when we'd had a threesome and the pain went off like a light switch and that's when I realized that it wasn't physical, rather something my own mind had induced every time I had sex with my ex... -
2017-07-21 at 1:49 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Wasp Sugar I've thought about this too, but thirdhand exaggerated stories about strangers really won't be that interesting to anybody at all.
…but, that's never stopped you from writing what you want to write. It might be a good outlet and some of us might appreciate it. And you already have written enough in this thread alone to fill up a 1,000 page novel. So.. with that said.. I look forward to skimming it
What I planned to work on was a collaboration with two other long time users here. Mainly, first hand accounts, or such as in the case of Muffins, or HTS, of course I'll discuss it with them. I'm not using REAL names and shit. Unfortunately, for §m£ÂgØL, I don't give a fuck about him though. He wrote a book, didn't even give me the courtesy to read it, and then hung it over my head and everyone else like a dick, so fuck him.
I hope to be able to weave the relationship portion, along with the degeneracy throughout the book, mainly with real life accounts, and well, maybe some funny shit from the forum, mainly TRT that might be relevant. 1337 has some funny as IRL stories that will play out beautifully for a touch of the depraved and dark humor tone I'm going for. At best there may be some second hand accounts.
Malice, would you mind me picking your brain when I get more on the way with this, since you have such a good memory and you might be able to bring some funny/relevant things up for me to include? That'd be helpful, and I'd give you credit too, if you'd wanna help and participate. -
2017-07-20 at 4:36 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Discount Whore 2.0 hydro get a goddamn editor or five if you write a book so it doesn't become 700 pages of T-PAIN, mdma feels, and horses
nobody wants to read about your mushy totse stuff, it sounds like the most boring book ever. You have so many fucked up stories to write about instead
Well, I agree, and that's why 1337 and PoC hopefully stick with me to help me out with this. It's not going to be about "mushy feels" entirely, but rather all the funny fucked up shit I've discussed with all the people on the forums, all the really fucked threads (HTS, I'm sure there's gonna be a highlighter chapter! You'll be FAM-MOOOSE! you wont have to drink mouthwash anymore!!!!! You'll be able to afford REAL BOOZE!!!!) and shit... kinda woven into the friendships that have formed through the forums over the years.
Shit, there's definitely a part going to cover the times 1337 shot bloody, week old T-PAIN, being from his missed shots he'd save up... then when out, he'd IV this coffee colored, T-PAIN mush instead of just shove it up his ass like a normal person... so dark he couldn't see if he was registering. Fuking OMG this shit is going to be Trainspotting/Requiem for a Dream cringy, but sooo much better that RfaD- it sucked, but it is on the cringe level of what I plan to include from the tales of 1337 and fuck, well, even myself.
or fuck, there was this time when §m£ÂgØL came down, I'd sent him home with flea medicine for his dog (powder, oral shit, nitenpyram) and he got fucked up/drunk and ate it thinking it was drugs... lol
There's some funny ass stories I have that have come from or around the forums with you niggas... I think it would be very interesting to document and write about.
Muffins crazy as MIL is another one, I recall some funny ass comments made by him, PoC, and others on the forum too...
One time hab said he wanted to do a line of tianpetine off my ass... my reply to this was "Oh man, that shit is hygroscopic as fuck, dude... I don't think snorting T-PAIN under any circumstances is a good idea" or something to the effect.. lol
this is going to be a lot of reading and research into the old TRT threads...
it's ust fucked up, and amazing that years later, with some of the people here, I'm still talking to, and we're really positive influences in each others lives... like fucking life saving influences... I wouldn't have believed ever if anyone told me these were the friendships I'd have made all due to some fucked up drug forum... -
2017-07-20 at 8:29 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSI am NEVER going to forget tonight...
I spent 5 hours on the phone, 2 of which was both of us crying and being an emotional and sappy, with a man I am proud to call my brother in every sense of the word, save our genetics.
I am truly a blessed person, truly gifted to have had such amazing luck as to have befriended two of the most amazing men I could ever have hoped to have in my life. I am not worthy to have these people in my life... both who've saved my life, literally. Both whom I've enjoyed such wonderful conversations with, laughed with, joked with, shared advice with, have truly deep and meaningful heart to heart conversations with that have truly meant the world to me, to which I wouldn't trade all the money or drugs, or anything else for, because they mean that fucking much to me. As he said, it's fucking bizarre that we met through totse/zoklet just... talking about drugs... and it grew from there- both, my brother, and my lover- these two fucking wonderful, beautiful, flawed, genuine people, who have the heart to love me somehow, and I too have the heart to return that love to them both.
I've never had much of a "family", at least in the traditional sense, but to me "family", it's a word used to describe people who have unconditional love, who want to help, and who are there for us during the best of times, and will be even in the worst. It's people who see our flaws, see our mistakes, yet still love us anyway, not because they have to, but because they want to. In some ways, having this non-genetic family seems and feels stronger than those who are bound by blood, because we didn't just... spawn in our lives, nor was it accident that brought us about... We landed in each other's life in a weird and unique way, but we stayed about and are more than a cross of paths because WE CHOSE- we chose and we're going to continue having each other, in our lives for the rest of what this world has for us.
Both these guys I can count on and have been there with so much shit for me, and I'm there for them with their shit- not because we have to be, like some traditional families, but because WE WANT TO BE. Through the good and the bad, through thick and thin, with genuine love, care, and desire to see each other at our happiest, and determination to see each other get there.
TOTSE/Zoklet has inspired me to write a book detailing these wonderful, shocking, exciting, beautiful, funny, profound, and deep relationships I've made with so many of the people here in the forums, and all the weirdness in between and humor and comedy that comes from the forum, this little nitch community that has been the start of some seriously deep, and meaningful friendships. I especially want to mention the people closest to me, PoC, my lover, and life partner, and 1337, my brother. I know 1337 is going to at least be a huge motivating force in helping me write it, if not assist me and co-author. I haven't discussed it with PoC just yet, but I hope he will give some assistance to it, even be it just moral support/proof reading, but maybe I can convince him to join the effort with 1337 and me to do this.
I really fucking love my family- my son, PoC, and 1337, and several of you weirdos out there who are my friends (Malice, Sophie, fuck, why not Lanny, MQ, HTS, Mash, and so many others over the years who've reached out, and grew a branch of kindness toward me, or toward them in this weird, fucked up world, on this fucky forum community...because we're lonely... and here we all are... to laugh, bulshit, insult, apologize, share, advise, support, care, and show compassion to and with each other.
I am so lucky. SOOOO fucking lucky to be loved like I am, by who I am. I'll never forget what we talked about tonight, tonight was special. Thanks for being my family, maybe not the kind that just is for some dumb reason like sharing genetics, no, for being part of my family because of love, want, and choice. I wouldn't be alive without the people in it who I love and call my family and friends. I feel so proud too, of who's my family, my closest friends, and one even being my lover. -
2017-07-19 at 1:06 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Dargo So boo hoo, you've lost some pets. That sucks, sure, (I've loved my doggos) but it doesn't make you a fucking holocaust survivor. At the end of the day, THEY'RE ANIMALS. Learn to handle letting them go.
We're all just animals, what makes a human life different from that of an animal?
If you replaced the animals in your stories with humans, and lived in some shitty war torn country, then your dramatic tone would be justified. You're just an unstable bitch though.
My animals were closer to me than any other person, and I cared about them far fucking more.
Originally posted by cerakote fuck man hydro is one of those faggots who thinks animals are people too
>i was on the verge of suicide because my horse got fucked on by yotes!!! my soul was torn asunder and the prospect of carrying on another day without my muse, my other half, was more than my aching heart could bear!!!
and for you to personify a coyote as some kind of serial rapist axe murderer is next level autism. its like being in war?? bitch, are you fucking shitting me??
you are a waste of a carbon based lifeform
He wasnt killed by coyotes, he was killed by poison from a neighbor. That was another friend who was ripped to pieces by coyotes- came home from college to find that fucked up scene.
I would have killed any person in this thread to have saved the life of my horse, or the other friends I've held dying in my arms, if it would have saved them.
You don't even have a fucking clue what I've lived, what I've seen.
I also had my livelihood stolen from me by some of those experiences... a livelihood I much enjoyed.
I gave and still give far more fucks for some stray dog on the street than any person in this fucking thread, especially you and Dargo. -
2017-07-18 at 11:32 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
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2017-07-18 at 11:30 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by mmQ Of course there is. You just said something like malice you always try to bring people up. That's what's being disputed.
That's like saying sploo is always trying to improve himself.
In a weird way, I think he is. It's like, sometimes he just puts off a lot of "tough love", in a weird way... he gives a fuck about people fucking their lives up, and at least puts effort and advice in how to work on it getting better, though it often comes off wrong, being an aspie that he is. -
2017-07-18 at 11:21 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Malice *checks watch*
*looks in cupboards*
*searches*
*pantry*
*basement*
*refrigerator*
*attic*
*toilet tank*
*mail box*
No, still no cares.
What I create with the right I destroy with the left. I am the multifaceted Shiva.
LMFAO- I love that shit, Malice, you have some good burns.
You're a very complicated soul, but a good one, Mal. Glad to have you to bounce ideas with, discuss shit, and well... just having your fun personality running around here. -
2017-07-18 at 11:16 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Sophie Lel, i let people know who have a negative score. If i'm still nice to you it probably means we're still friends.
YAY! I haves friends! I feel special! Also, you too... thanks for reaching out to me in some dark days sorta shit I was dealing with and helping improve my 1337-ness.
Originally posted by Discount Whore 2.0 in five days you will be posting about how depressed you are just like malice goes through his manic cycles
youre talking about a guy who brags about destroying people. Treating people like shit overpowers "good souls" I mean hitler loved dogs
I'm still not in a good place, I realize that. I am working on shit, working to change shit for the better in my life everyday. It won't change overnight, but I'm taking the time I have to be appreciative for what I do have, and that's the friends I've got who've had my back, and been there for me, and not only that, I want them to know too, I'm there for them as well, despite how depressed I might get... I will rouse myself to come to their aid, even through all my depressed bullshit, and goddamn it, if they won't let me fucking die, I sure as fuck won't let them have the satisfaction of clocking out early on life.
You seem to miss the bigger picture, and things you don't see outside the forum. I don't fault you for that, because there's no way for you to know all that, but... there's more to Malice than who he comes off as on here. -
2017-07-18 at 11:11 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSAlso, MashleHash, thanks for being a new friend to me, and being so nice and being a support through stuff too, with your humor, art, and genuine empathetic love and kindness... it means a lot to me too. Hope you fit into my "Pack" for a long time too. What you did for me recently was truly kind, helpful, and I appreciate it....
Same with HTSnoob. I needed those laughs, and it was really fun to bullshit with you, sweetie. Helped me out of some bad times, and deal with some dumb shit lol. -
2017-07-18 at 11:04 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Discount Whore 2.0 hydro took mdma
I wish. I wanna do that with PoC sometime soon, hopefully. That and drop some acid.
Originally posted by Sophie It certainly contributes to who he is in my mind. I keep scores for everyone. You can tip the balance if you know where to put the weights.
Well, sure, people do do that, but I'm a very... forgiving, live and let live sort of person. I hate Bill Krozby, but still... I'll try to help in something like seizures, or alcohol addiction, at least give my best go at giving useful advice.
What's the score with me, Sophie? I wanna knowz! You hate me so much you gon dox my ass?!!??! pls nooooos! I'll be a good hydro, and be nice to Sophies foreverz! Be nices to me bbe.