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Posts by hydromorphone
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2017-08-09 at 8:45 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by LegalizeSpiritualDiscovery How are you doing other than sexually molesting a pile of cocaine? What's been going on?
Meh... it's been... a struggle to say the least. I am lucky to have PoC in my life and put up with my dumb ass, so there is that. I don't think I'm worth what he thinks I am worth, and am more trouble than good to him, so I feel guilty about that... just working on issues of feeling worthwhile and shit. In the next month or so things should definitely be changing for the better in several ways. PoC are working on moving in together, which really will be a huge help to both of us with of mental health issues. The distance has been a big hindrance for us, but hopefully in not too much time, it'll be alright. I'd be really fucked without PoC in my life helping me, and 1337 for that matter too... both of them have really been a huge support to me in this crazy, fucked time of my life and I'm fucking truly grateful to have people who love and care about me so much. Struggling with suicidal ideation, my mental health issues, and physical problems on top of it all, it's not been easy to say the least... but better than it would be without them in my life. Malice is right, family (well, the social group aspect, not like, has to be genetic relatives, I don't have any of that helping or supporting me and haven't since my dad died, my son is the only family I have...) is super important to one's mental health, wellbeing and happiness... I'm glad I have the little I do... and the friends I have...
Hey, HTS... what's been cookin', good lookin'? You and Mash need to hit me up more often... and Mash... WTF? you like said "brb" and never came back :( you no love me anymore? -
2017-08-09 at 6:26 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSHow've you been LSD? Last I heard you moved to Texas. Where you at now?
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2017-08-09 at 6 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Piles of Crack Yeah, Malice, I'm falling apart again. Figured you'd be tickled pink to hear that.
Malice might be a weirdo, and a mentally disturbed person, but I truly don't believe he's ever been happy to know you've been suffering and falling apart. You think he talks down to you (and well everyone), but that's just how he is... he does want the best for people like us, and does try to help from his experience, and what he's learned over the years. You just have to look past that in him... his heart is in the right place. He's a better person than most people in general society. -
2017-08-09 at 5:56 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Malice How about instead I send you and PoC some kava extract to try for severe anxiety, even reducing epilepsy?
PoC already gave me his address in the past, but you know how he is. Even though he’s changing he can easily and rapidly go right back to his old ways and be impossible to get through to.
You can test it first and then mail it to him.
It’s so cheap it will barely cost a thing to send it in an envelope.
I PMed you. I'll send you some money for the effort, with some origami animals too if you want and will let me. A long time ago §m£ÂgØL suggested Kava tea for my anxiety issues. I wasn't against it, just... never got around to giving it a try. It sounds interesting, it has reverse tolerance, correct? Definitely something I'd be willing to give a go, especially the way my insomnia and anxiety have been. I know PoC is resistant to trying shit like that, but I did get him to try the phenibut finally, and it did help and was of some positive net worth. I think he needs more... if he doesn't order some more soon, I'lll scrum some $$ together to get some for him soon (I could use some too for emergencies, since I gave what I had left of my jar to him when I visited because I know his issues are more urgent than mine... and I'll get by. I have benzos/anti-epileptics available for worse case scenarios if shit gets bad... I just fucking hate them.) I think he was definitely surprised how much it did help, but he really is in a bad spot now... he's going down fast... Well, as his post indicated. I'm not going to be enough, as I am right now, to still keep him surviving through this shit...
You have any advice for getting on SSI/SSD and going about that shit, for mental illnesses such as PoC is dealing with? I don't know how the fuck he's managed this fucking long like he has, but he definitely is a candidate for receiving SSI/SSD. How long does it take to get on SSI once the process starts? I know with SSD it can take fucking years, but getting on SSI would be the best route IMO right now and then work on the SSD. We both need to work on getting that shit. My physical shit, I've been eligible for years for it alone, not even mentioning my mental health issues. we both need to get the ball rolling for that soon.
Thank you, Malice. I know you might have a lot of problems and be mentally ill yourself and all, but you truly are a good person. I wish you didn't suffer, but I wish more people were like you in this world, it certainly would be a better place if that were the case. -
2017-08-09 at 3:23 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Captain Falcon They are both cretins, but at least POC isn't a sociopathic bitch.
I wish I were a sociopath. It would make life so much easier. I truly envy people like that, people who aren't bothered by others suffering, causing others to suffer, and just live to make themselves fulfilled and happy... That would be the life, ripping people off, hurt people, using people, stealing, and otherwise doing just for one's self with no remorse, guilt, or feelings, or empathy for someone else... it'd certainly ease a great deal of my pain, rather than be at the other end of the spectrum of that as I am, which is not a good thing, not at all, as I feel other's pain intimately... always hurting by everyone around me who suffers. -
2017-08-08 at 9:14 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by LegalizeSpiritualDiscovery
The difference here is that I'm in a relationship with someone I've been good friend's with for a very long time, and someone who understands my problems, and issues, and has far more patience in dealing with me than most other people would, and helps and supports me through my shit.
I may be suicidal at times, but he's helped me deal with that better than most other people I've had in my life. Because I have mental issues, should I just resign myself to never being in a romantic relationship, especially because I've had some awful ones before, and others that had incompatibilities? -
2017-08-08 at 8:45 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSI've been making origami animals in other news... who wants me to send them origami critters?
Malice, would you let me send you Origami critters? I would if I had an address to mail them to. It's been helping with my anxiety somewhat, as of late. Just started a few days ago. Picked up an unopened complete starter kit with a book for like 50cents at a yard sale in a ritzy part of town where I clean rentals. I've made a couple things... working on more with instuctions I've found on the internet now... working on making dragons. Might be something up your alley to give a shot with. I think you'd like it. -
2017-08-08 at 8:39 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by 霍比特人说中文不好 "Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it." -George Santayana
That was one of the quotes my dad beat in my head while growing up. He had some very good tidbit of wisdom to be feeding to a young child, I must say.
So, since you feel the need to engage with my mentions of what's going on in my life, you care to explain you highlighting the part where I mentioned "earlier today with PoC"? My comment was directed toward Captain Falcon, where he'd suggested, and insinuated I couldn't remember the last time someone made me feel loved. Moments before I'd posted that, I'd just got off the phone with a very dear friend, who had in fact made me feel very loved, appreciated, needed, wanted, and important. That was at, what? 4:30am? There abouts... PoC had done that for me as well that day, albeit earlier and in a different way since we're in a romantic relationship. I think Captain Falcon misinterprets my depression, suicidal ideation, and anxiety stemming from a place it does not... I'm not depressed because I don't have love or meaningful relationships in my life, or I am alone... although there's been times I have felt alone, but it's not the source or even been a large part of my depression or reasoning I've wanted to end my life. My depression stems from fear of hurting the people I love the most, of not being good enough, although I may be, or am to them. Years and years of being beaten down to the point it truly hurts and causes a great deal of struggle to feel I'm anything worth anything to anyone I give a fuck about... but I guess you don't understand that for having a perfectly functioning brain in every facet and not struggling with mental illness at all, so... it's not worth explaining anymore than that.
What's your point? -
2017-08-08 at 8:55 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Captain Falcon That's the joke. But the bigger joke is, no one will ever have mercy on you.
Nobody loves you Hydro. Not because you haven't found the right one; it's because you are the wrong one. Unloved and unlovable.
Put your foot on the accelerator one day, close your eyes and remember the last time somebody made you feel loved. You'll be dead before you know it. It'll be near painless.
End your story on your own terms. Any further chapters will be only miserable.
My problem is not from not having found the right one, I KNOW I am the wrong one. I do know I am loved, but I don't deserve it, and don't know why I have been given so much love. All I o is hurt the people I love the most... I always have, I always will, and I hate myself for that.
Close my eyes and remember the last time someone made me feel loved... literally moments ago, while talking with 1337, and earlier today with PoC. I know, right now in my life I have two men who love me very much, very deeply, in very meaningful ways, not to mention my son who loves me. I'm really lucky in that I currently have so much love, friendship, and compassion from these people who are important to me, and all my life I was blessed with those who genuinely loved me and showered me with attention and affection.
I struggle I don't deserve that and end up always hurting those who do so much to show me all this love... I don't want to hurt those who love me... but I always do.
Originally posted by mmQ Hey hydro what's your opinion on sandwiches?
+1 sammiches are cool. -
2017-08-08 at 8:15 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
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2017-08-08 at 7:43 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by NARCassist PoC said he broke up with you coz every time you made him a sandwich it tasted of ass. is that for real or what?
My sammiches don't taste like ass because I don't make sammiches. I'm the asshole who actually was a cunt to PoC though, so... I deserve all the bullshit. I'm really sorry for hurting PoC and being the cause for his destructive behavior he ensued in... I'm a huge asshole, retarded cunt.
i figure it only right to hear your side
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2017-08-08 at 7:14 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSI should just murder/suicide. I'm too much of a pussy and a coward though. Maybe one day I'll grow a set of balls and just do it ans surprise everyone, including myself.
PoC definitely deserves a better girlfriend than me. He's a better man than I deserve. All his flaws and problems, they don't hold a candle to the truly awesome person he is. -
2017-07-27 at 10:31 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS^ this is how I plan to keep the spics out of 'merica. Build that wall... of text. ;)
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2017-07-27 at 10:28 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Malice Why the hell hasn't anyone who (formerly) worked in a hospital or a relevant field ever written an anonymous comedy book of the most hilarious/retarded suicide attempts they dealt with/were aware of while in their profession?
That would be fucking hilarious, I'd read the shit out of that.
This thought came to me just as I remembered a particularly cringey moment in my relatively recent past, which led me to stand up on my chair and visualize attempting suicide by flipping upwards as high as could and diving head first into the hard tile floor.
It's more of an ER thing, and while I suppose some ERs might see more suicide traffic than others, it's probably not a super common thing. Plus, you're dealing a lot with young kids, teens, young adults, mentally ill people, and won't find a lot of humor in most of their stories that brought them there, or the way they attempt (overdose, slitting wrists, failed hangings... use of firearms- I knew a guy who'd attempted with a .22, and well, he survived, and was fucking asshole, retard. I didn't mind the retard part, but he really was an asshole. He kept expecting that if he INSISTED on doing shit for me, like fucking arguing with me until it's like, fuck... or even going so far as to snatch shit out of my hands, in attempt to do this first perceived kindness for me, but later blatantly saying I "owe" him something for that, and meaning sex, despite me saying from the first time I'd met him that I didn't put out, engage with anyone sexually, and definitely wasn't looking for a relationship at all, and had never changed that whatsoever. He wasn't "retarded" like most peopled think of, he was able to communicate pretty well, and while not being "smart", wasn't terribly dumb either.
I'd heard from people he know for a lot longer, before he attempted suicide (went to a party, and he acted like a fucking ass toward me, and all these girls whom had dated, or knew him fairly well told me a lot) he was into running track in highschool and that was it. He fucking didn't have the time of day for girls, and didn't afford much attention toward them. He'd gotten very depressed, went through a bad loss of someone dear, and that's why he'd attempted while abusing opiates and benzos. After the attempt, he became super interested in woman, and sex. He was trying to fuck his friend's mother, like seriously. He'd just randomly came up to her one day, stuck his tongue in her mouth and grabbed her ass and tit with the other hand, and got kicked out of there to never be allowed back (I know the woman, she's a friend of mine, and she only let him back for a party in memory of her daughter who'd died in a fire, and he was close friends with her before she died), fucking he'd come on to every girl he thought he had a chance with. It was fucking clear as fuck that the inhibition, and discipline side of his brain was damaged from the gunshot, as well as what the fuck ever part fucking handles common fucking sense. He developed epilepsy from the injury to his brain. He'd ran his mother broke to be able to afford weed, but also was on anti-epileptic medications, because weed somehow "helped", but he'd still "get" seizures... da fuk? It was his excuse to smoke weed everyday, all day, and have no sense of conservation, and a good excuse to guilt his mother to buy it for him, spending a fuckton, while he did shit but chief up all day, despite this really causing a lot of financial problems for his family... I'm not saying smoking weed for him was a bad thing, but it fucking was NOT medicinal usage, especially considering he'd have no ill effects without it other that being pissed he didn't have weed, or being that he was using other medications to control the seizures, and couldn't use marijuana alone to manage them. He also refused to use edibles, and thought they were dumb... and would just smoke to get as stoned as he possibly could. VERY self centered, egotistical person, where he felt like everyone should feel sorry for him for his own damn fucking stupidity in failing to fucking kill himself. I fucking told him one time after first meeting him, and talking about it(he brought it up, not I) "yeah, well when I finally get to the point of blowing my brains out, I'm at least going to do it right so I won't have to suffer like you have. I'll use a .357 or fucking higher caliber than you chose to us..." and he kinda got bent out of shape because I didn't stroke his sympathy boner and go on about how fucking sorry I felt for him. he tried to tell me "Well, I didn't know any better about calibers and shit..." lol "well, if you're going to end you life, the least you should do is spend a little fucking time researching to see if what you're going to do will actually work without a risk of failure. I wouldn't want to put the people I love through all that shit... If I'm dead, they'll get over it, but risking being a vegetable, or a life long burden on people I love, I feel is a lot worse. I'd never use a 9mm or .22, there's too much chance it'll just fuck you up, and if you're going to do it with a gun, aim for a closed casket anyway. Make sure, when you put that bitch to your head and pull the trigger, you essentially paint the room you're in in brain matter, and skull fragments, with not much being left to what used to be your face". I was pretty suicidal at the time myself while speaking to him. I got the impression when he'd "attempted" he was crying for attention and the benzos really fucked his common sense up quite a bit. He blamed opiates for what happened, saying "If I'd never had used them, I wouldn't have got to the point of doing it", when really, it was likely the benzos, but still... He did it were there were people close by (showing I think that he was crying for attention- people who care about their loved ones, wouldn't fucking shoot themselves literally feet away in another room while everyone is home, I don't think, not the way he talked about how much he loved and cared for them and didn't want them to deal with his bullshit... You'd think you'd at least try to be alone, where if you did fuck up and didn't die immediately, you'd bleed out shortly from lack of medical attention. Hi whole persona screamed of attention whore, self serving, and he LOVED the attention and sympathy his issues, and "suicide attempted" got him... it was literally the first thing he'd tell people upon meeting them, like WTF? People like him... you just think... why? oh why... why couldn't they just been just a tad bit smarter and completed it... fucking literally a failure at everything and refused to go to college ("because... it's too hard and stressful, and I have a brain injury!") or have a job of any kind ("I already get SSI check anyway... why would I work?" despite being physically able in every way, and able to communicate, was very social and outgoing, and could understand directions, but he'd want to just argue on "why" he should or couldn't do something such as INSISTING to drive my car, which wasn't even my car... He'd had his learner's permit (22 years old, but at least I give him a pass her unlike §m£ÂgØL, he did have a brain injury as an excuse, having occurred 5 years before, it's understandable it'd take that long to straighten out his seizures and other shit), but it wasn't even my car, and explaining to him that I wasn't comfortable letting ANYONE, much less an epileptic kid, who'd botch a suicide with a gun, having brain damage drive a car I KNOW the owner wouldn't be happy knowing someone he's never met, never mind the other shit, was driving his car. Fuck, I didn't even let most people drive cars I've fucking owned, because I'm fucking paranoid and don't trust people. He fucking literally wanted to fight and yell about it, like fucking, dude? da fuk? and he fucking knew better. He was just very immature and used to getting his way, and hated then when his disability interfered as an excuse of why I WOULDN'T give him his way. Another time, a mutual friend was sick and need a ride home from the doctor's office, so we went to pick her up. I told him to give her the front seat, since she was sick, and had a big bag with her, and the backseat didn't have as much room in it. He fucking wanted to argue with me over this, and fucking the said "yeah, but she's sick... I could like... catch it from her" WTF? lol so her sneezing on your shoulders, and coughing on your back is A-OK? lol We're in the same fucking car anyway! I just wanted her to be more comfortable, and it was literally only a 5minute drive to her house, and he'd be able to sit up front again. Incredibly childish shit, which might be part of his injury, but I think it was truly from him being spoiled, pampered, and always given his way because of the sympathy and guilt his family and friends had for him attempting suicide. I fucking don't understand people who fucking live to get sympathy and use it in every act of their lives t get what they want... fuck, I wouldn't want ANYBODY to be pitying me, or sorry for me like that. I'd be wanting to HIDE the fact I was a retarded idiot who fucking failed with a gun at suicide and fucking basically fucked my brain up permenantly... Id be trying to either do it right, or move on with my life and be the best person I could be, and do as much as I could to raise myself higher, be it by having SOME kind of job, pursuit, goal, or education... but nope.. fucker just wanted to be babied forever, and felt entitled to everyone giving him his way, and driving his mother into debt so he could just sit around and get high all day, and dip out to try to get laid with every female he crossed paths with in the most creepy, weirdo ways possible. The girl I'm friends with, who also has known his for many years, says she really think he's capable of rape... and the way he's gotten and stories I've heard (from him too!) really do sound like he is capable of doing it- he;s also got into a lot of legal trouble (shoplifting, stealing, trespassing after warnings already issued, he even had a restraining order when he kept going over to this girl's house when she'd told him to stop coming over, and mailing weird letters to her too) but gotten out of it because of his "brain damage".... lobotomies are no joke but I think he was always a spoiled attention seeking brat, but this just exacerbated his personality to be even worse with no inhibitions, or boundaries, and also lacking any social couth, respect,, and common sense. I too think he was a sociopath. It was very hard for him to relate to others, but he expected everyone to related and understand his "struggles and injury" and why he constantly brought it up in almost every conversation, like he was proud of it or something, IDK.... -
2017-07-27 at 9:21 AM UTC in Make Kinkou AdminMash, you got the Duke on FB? How's he been? I was wondering about him. I remember when §m£ÂgØL came down while I was pregnant and we were texting regularly (ma nigga- I couldn't post pics easily, so I'd send them to him while I was out to post in TRT of §m£ÂgØL being stupid drunk where I'd sharpie him and shit lol)he sent me a picture of him in a snow storm, and I returned it with a beautiful sunny day in Florida (was cold as fuck, but sure didn't look like it), with a palm tree to top off the tropical warmth I was trying to rub in his face lol
I miss his shitty pics of the plates of food lol, fucking he had the worst, ugliest plates ever, and the food always looked like shit too, but it was hilarious he thought it was worth sharing...
*sigh* Hit him up and tell him hydro says "hi, nigga... did you get a DUI on your snowmobile yet?" -
2017-07-27 at 9 AM UTC in Weird German guy threatens to rape a catPeople who are so scared and little of a person inside, they just get off on scaring others whom they can get away with doing it to, just to validate themselves, make themselves feel bigger and badder than they are, and stroke their ego that they're able to scare a cat, like it's a fucking achievement to cause so much stress and fear in another living being- they make me sick... fucking sad too people like this exist.
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2017-07-27 at 8:41 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Malice Woah, possible I may be in a somewhat (hypo-)manic phase augmented or triggered by the Nardil. My brain feels supercharged.
On the one hand I feel I should make full use of it, on the other, I really want to relieve this burden of endless striving and attempting to contain the overwhelming complexity by just smoking weed, kicking back, and watching anime and stuff like that.
Anyone else ever feel like this? "I'm in the zone and should really put this to good use, but, ah fuck it."
Oh God, yes... I know exactly what you mean here. It's a very conflicting thing, and sometimes, I just wish I were with the right people, or could just be doing something fun. I do try to make use of it to the best of my abilities. It always seems to come about at the wrong time, where I need to do shit and can't for some reason, or obligated to do other shit. The rare times I got to share that time with my dad, horse, or other animals I love, doing something not so much productive, but... making an experience, or memory. That was really worth it, and has stuck with me. -
2017-07-27 at 7:41 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Malice I've mentioned this before, but there's a certain speaking or writing style that seems to be far more common, if not specific, to Asperger's. It's specifically described as a profound difficulty or innate lack of understanding in being concise, in understanding what's truly important to convey. I won't get into the underlying factors.
Absolutely something I need to work on myself, a skill I need to develop, especially if in school and if I ever want to produce serious writings. I'm completely aware that rants like the ones I produce will cause immense problems.
That aside, there's a certain speed reading/skimming style I've found that works fantastically for Hydro's posts. I swear I can get through them ridiculously fast and still grasp the meaning, the most important points, or anything of particular importance.
You've inspired me to work on my reading speed, Malice. Glad I can at least be some sort of help as an exercise for you, of sorts. I really should work on being more concise... but, I'm particularly wordy for stims tonight lol -
2017-07-27 at 7:36 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by anra If I was Hydro I would interpret this sentence in a much different way because Hydro only uses the retarded passages in her head to try and convey meaning. Things that may be routine much be expanded upon indefinitely as a form of stimming self validation that only translates to absolute garbage in the eyes of anyone else. What you do has an incredible sense of entitlement or total lack of self awareness to think your long bullshit rants about bullshit have any relevance to anyone except yourself. It's like a retarded person's internal monologue. You think that anyone who dislikes this is is big bad scary but the fact is most people have the working cognitive functions to actually summarize their thoughts into coherent, meaningful, and easily digestible tidbits, which somehow due to developmental disarray you haven't learned to do despite being twice my age and posting on the same bullshit forum as me. You are literally braindead. You're incapable of addressing the fact of what you truly are: Not a loving compassionate person that you like to view yourself as, just someone who's remarkably fucking annoying. Good thing you're in constant pain, bad thing you've reproduced.
Well, again, shows how wrong you are, about quite a few things, sploo.
I expect nobody to read what I post, if they do, they do, if they don't they don't- it's all okay with me either way. I also am very aware the lack of meaning it may have for most others, besides myself. I just enjoy posting, and even like this, they've spurred conversation, and debate, and further reveals more about you, and your sad existence, who is unable to even view a person correctly.
lol, it's funny you'd think that I see anyone who dislikes my posts as "big, bad and scary". Nobody here is that, and certainly not for disliking my posts. It is what it is, and I am fine with that, and fine that you dislike it, fine that captain falcon likes, it or anyone else. I think you take my perceptions of you, what I see in you that's behind the shroud of your online persona you'd like to be seen as, you feel threatened, and want to project those feelings onto me.
I am not twice your age. You're what? 18-19? Possibly 20? You often act like you're 11 though. I am 28. Learn to math. I do however have a decade, give or take, on you. That doesn't always translate to wisdom, maturity, or more to lend in experience, but being objective, yes, I have far more of those things compared to you.
Brain dead? Really? lol, okay. Whatever helps you sleep at night, and feeds your weak little ego. I'm sure things like that make you feel superior, and self righteous in the negative shit you try to paint everything you touch, engage with, or communicate with. It's really sad, and you truly have my pity.
It took me a long time to address what I truly am, years, and lots of experiences, trauma, sadness, and friends who have helped me along the way. You telling me I'm not compassionate, doesn't make it so. I know who I am, and while it took a long time to find who I am, little stabs you try to make, they don't work on me as they might with the little girls you get off by picking on, and attempting to come from a place of insight, wisdom and intelligence, to harm their vulnerable hearts, and minds. I empathize, even with you, despite my strong disagreements. The only person who doesn't see themselves, or at least isn't willing to acknowledge publicly, is you.
Complex ideas, thoughts, expressions, views, unpopular emotions (such as how I embrace love, sharing, and openness, and do my best to be kind, and reach out with love, care, and concern to others- it's far more popular here to express negative emotions, and tear others down) tend to be seen as annoying by those whom lack depth, meaning in their own lives, seriously have lack of love, or creativity, are jealous of that, are threatened by those expressions, and due to their own misery, suffering and lack of nothing more than the hate they attempt to spread, and ust hate the fact that I really don't give a damn, my dear.
Someone who'd consider someone being in chronic pain, who's done nothing to harm you, with no real reason to have malice or hate toward that person, no justifiable reason, other than to project your own misery, and pain- they really are the saddest people in the world, to want to have suffering, sadness, and depression, those things that are truly what's wrong with this world perpetuated on people undeserving, it just shows again, how you're just a angsty, hurt little boy inside, who's jealous... I think even you're jealous of the love I receive from so many other people, several of those who are members here, and while despite my pain I suffer, I am very blessed to have such wonderful people support me, raise me up as I try to do the same for them. You're angry at the help I get, and also attempt to give back, not just to those I love and care about, but to everyone, even you, even Bill Krozby. You're repulsed at the love that surrounds me, and happiness I have found through all my struggles, and even through the pain I have. I know you're hurting inside, and while you'll try to pretend that isn't so, as not to show weakness, those are the people-often in situations like me ironically enough- who want to project pain, and suffering onto others.
I agree having a child wasn't the best of things in my life, but it happened, and well, I am lucky to have such a wonderful child to share my life, experiences, and impart as much knowledge in as I can. I'm making the best of the situation I can. Thankfully, my son has a mother who loves him, and is doing everything she can to do right by him, and also that he is a well adjusted, little boy, who's going to grow into a fine young man, and hopefully learns from my mistakes. He likely is going to suffer from issues I have, at least to some extent, but unlike where I lacked growing up, he's got a mom who's become aware of these things, what to look for, and seeking everyday knowledge, ideas, and treatments to positively counteract the negative aspects of these conditions. I shouldn't have done a lot of things that I've done in life, but I've taken those things and worked them into becoming a better person for it, which is more than most people do- I could be a resentful, hateful cunt for what I've gone through, the stress, trauma, and struggle, but... I've learned better than that, fortunately, and rather than to be like you, I reject those negative responses, and aim to raise those around me up, and try to, make the world a better place without hateful and jaded notions you choose to see and try to perpetuate.
Maybe you'll change, learn, and grow as you get older and have more meaningful experiences in life. How you ever done MDMA, LSD, DMT, or mushrooms? It might help you, you know. Maybe not, though... You're likely too scared to be honest with yourself, and resist compassion, and understanding.
I believe in a balance, and unfortunately, for people like me to exist, people such as you need to exist to weigh it out... but I won't let that stop me from attempting to leave behind love, kindness, and compassion in the world, and make it a better place than it was when I first got here. Hopefully I'll succeed, and even if it's just something better to one person, then I'll have... and as it stands, despite my issues I struggle with myself to believe in my heart what kind of good, loving person I am, I really think I already have- a friend just tonight, I think, I hope, who tells me always, he's better for having me in his life, in this world, so... I've achieved what I hoped to... I am fulfilled. -
2017-07-27 at 6:15 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by anra in all your years of posting you've never made anyone truly laugh or smile once. tryhard
That's not true. I really enjoy and appreciate MQ and he has made me laugh, and smile, quite often. He's a very good contributor to the community, and adds a different facet to this eclectic group of weirdos.