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Posts by hydromorphone
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2017-08-24 at 5:32 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
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2017-08-24 at 5:14 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
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2017-08-24 at 5:02 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by SpatianHaigency Going to get smashed by a hurricane tomorrow night. Can anyone overnight me some survival supplies ?
How've you been, Haiti? Long time, no see.
I would if I wasn't a broke ass junkie prostituting just to afford my wanna-be opiate drugs. Have fun with that. HAve a hurricane party, nigga... that's how we do it in FL.
I don't watch the news and even when I lived in FL.. unless someone told me, I would have no clue about hurricanes, tropical storms or whatever fucky weather was going on unless I looked out side. -
2017-08-23 at 6:11 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Lanny Aww, PoC TSTM'd. I hope he's not dead
He's not, but he had me worried as fuck with a critical meltdown anxiety attack when his phone was off and it'd been hours and hours past when he should have been home and didn't respond to my messages, and last messages I'd got earlier in the day were pretty fucked up, especially then to ditch off and leave me worry like that. I really thought he was going to break his promise to me... meh, but I'm not worth keeping silly promises to anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter. Enough people I've loved have broken promises to me before, it'd just be another one to add to the record... I've learned to accept that I'm not a person worth keeping a word to... I too have broken promises... I live with those regrets, and the guilt. My only consolation is, is that I didn't break them with intention... and I truly wish I would have, that I could have not have broken those promises. (You know who you are: I'm sorry. I truly am. Not because I care about how it may have changed events that came after, but because it made me less of a person than I am. I wish I could be you and able to justify my broken promises and be content living with what I've done without it destroying what little bit of self worth had, but I can't, no matter how much I have people tell me you deserved it anyway. So, here again one more time, I say the word everyone tells me I say far too often, even though it will mean nothing, or fix anything: Sorry.)
So much for my T-PAIN tapering. I'll be eating 50grams a day at this rate... I'm never going to get down to a manageable level as it it right now... this shit is impossible.
Dicount Whore/D.W.'s wife- you'd suggested Crouton as an alternative. IDK if I responded or not... just so overwhelmed with everything/everyone as of late... But to answer that, I have tried Crouton when §m£ÂgØL had suggested it during WD's. It did very little and worse of all it put me into a very, very bad headspace. It didn't work whatsoever for my pain. I was taking 15-20grams a dose, and this was before my tolerance was this high. I'm better off sticking with the T-PAIN. T-PAIN might be expensive for me, but compared to what I'd need with Crouton it's far, far cheaper, and not only that, I can at least count on T-PAIN, where as Crouton varies so fucking much from batch to batch with potency and effect. There was one strain I used (can't remember now, think it was white vein something) that helped more than the others... but still, not enough, especially now, as far as my tolerance has risen. That one strain helped ever so slightly compared to the others, but still... it was a joke and worse of all had me very, very mentally depressed far more than just being in WDs. I've seen people (like §m£ÂgØL) who have full blown opiate-like side effects (itching, loose, and high for all intents and purposes), but for me, it was nothing... it helped me not shit my brains out slightly or to be so jittery, the strain that did help, but the mental state it put me in, which I've noticed with a few other people, even §m£ÂgØL, experience a severe increase in depression and dark thoughts, and for that alone, I really do prefer to avoid it. My head is fucked up enough, I don't need something fucking it up like that... it almost reminds me of how tramadol effects me, just without the intense anger and agitation I get from that, though, I was pretty agitated from the Crouton too. I won't even take tramadol in WDs, that's how bad that shit has me. I always refuse tramadol and toradol when offered in the ER despite it making me look like a drug seeker (I'm not nor have ever been. I know now, especially, even if they did give me something for pain, it wouldn't be enough to help, or even get me out of WDs- while having the pneumonia, they gave me 4mg of dilaudid and I was still shitting my brains out. It didn't even touch the pain. I might as well have not taken anything, as it didn't help in even the slightest... which that was the point I really got scared... it's why I am so scared... I'm never going to be able to get off this shit and live a normal life... I doubt if I needed to be put under for surgery they could do it with a typical Fentanyl/Benzo combo... I'd REALLY, REALLY be fucked if that ever happened, much less, they couldn't even treat my pain before or after... I'd be so fucked.)
I feel like a hypocrite. I have two people I love with all my heart and soul, and tell them they can't die, they can't leave me alone like this... but here I am, thinking of ways to just man the fuck up and do it when I'm alone like now. I keep saying shit will get better, but I really don't believe that... at least not for myself, anyway.
Love is a fucked up, complicated thing... Well, not, it's not, but society has set all sorts of conditions and expectations on it that has complicated a simple thing like love... and I really, really wish that wasn't the case. It would alleviate a lot of my fears, anxieties, and feelings of being torn if it wasn't like this, if love didn't have these expectations places on it, and love could just be what it is... Love.
Without love in the world, it would be less complicated all the way around though. Love causes so much suffering, pain, and heartbreak. It makes a realistic solution so complicated... it keeps us going on this path of suffering, aided by hope in a future where that suffering doesn't exist. Fear... it reinforces fear... fear for those we love and care about whether we're here suffering along, or decide to check out.
Why can't life be easier than this? Why does love have to be so complicated? Why was I created to be a person who lets down everyone... everyone I love or have ever loved? Why is happiness such an intangible thing for people like me... and for the people I love? We exist for just a short time, a blip in all of time, and then what?... what does it all mean? I feel more and more, people like myself, we're just a cruel joke created for someone's sick amusement. Why create love in the first place? Why would some omnipotent being care one way or the other if his little self-made toys love him... and even more so, why avove everything else? What does it matter? What does any of it mean?
I'm very lost and confused, pained and retarded. I really don't know what PoC saw in me in the first place... or 1337 for that matter. I'm just a very dumb, very sad, very hurt, and broken person. I wish I were more than that, but I'm not. All I know is that I love the people I hold dear to me in this life, and I really believe they'd be better off without me... I WISH they would be better off without me.
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2017-08-22 at 4:17 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by mashlehash That looks like my dog but she got hit by a car.
RIP
Mash, that's fucking mean. You know damn well that you don't hope his dog gets hit by a car. He's a good puppy-noofin and even if you want 1337 to know pain, what about poor Lundy-boy? You don't want an innocent to suffer. My dog got hut and killed on my birthday this year. Trust me, we both know pain... We don't need more to "know" it... We need a bit less of it with more love, kindness, and compassion in the world for and to our fellow living beings we share this life with.
You should hit me up sometime, maybe we can get a group chat going. I miss seeing your drunk/intoxicated ass. <3 -
2017-08-22 at 1:42 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by matrix i hope your dog gets shot
Fuck you, I hope you get shot. The only shot Lundy-boy gets is a nice fat shot of dope.
Originally posted by Bipolar High Roller Me too, he's deaf and retarded and a huge cockblocker.
fuck you, he's not retarded. Shit, he's smarter than you are half the time. Nigger, I know what it's like to have arthritis and feel like I'm 98 years old, no shit he don't want to go out in the fucking rain.
... and he's NOT a cockblock. That's PoC's cat. Lundy-boy is certianly not a cockblock. Not standing up for your puppy-dog is gonna cockblock you way more than Lundy ever will. -
2017-08-14 at 5:25 PM UTC in the last picture of dogI know about loving dogs... hope you get your puppy-dog back soon and she/he is alright.
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2017-08-14 at 5:12 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Malice Hmm, she innately knows her dating market value has increased and that she has a higher chance of snagging someone dumb/desperate enough to support her and her kid. It fits with evolutionary theory.
Nah, I'm not like that. I refuse people to make expenditures, and if they do against my protests, I always end up paying them back for it eventually. I'm not good at getting gifts, or having people do anything that constitutes spending money on me. I do the gold-digger thing completely ass-backwards.
I don't want to be with anyone. My trust is broken. I'm okay with that. I just want to do what's right for my son, and be done this shit show.
If I wanted to get in good with someone to take care of my kid/have a less shitty life, I already could. I don't want people for the sake of what they can do for me. I only wanted PoC because I'd loved him and carried him in my heart a very long time and only decided not to keep that to myself anymore when he was planning suicide. I didn't want to see someone who's as good a person as he is kill himself when he deserves happiness and a good life, else that would still just be hidden. I know I ended up getting burnt, being the same reason I hadn't wanted anyone else before him, or after. I'm good without anyone loving me, and I actually prefer it. It's a lot less complicated to not be loved than to have someone who says every time you want to die "..but I love you, I need you in my life."
Post last edited by hydromorphone at 2017-08-14T17:21:17.155263+00:00 -
2017-08-14 at 4:58 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by CASPER Im sorry…when you chose to fuck a Mexican teenaged drifter, andwhen you chose NOT be on birth control, and NOT use condoms, and NOT have an abortion and NOT give the child up for adoption…you gave up those rights. You created a life. You dont get to be the victim now. Before that kid was even born, I told you to have an abortion and work on yourself. But for some unknown reason you thought this would make the situation better. You owe it to that kid to not stack any more emotional baggage on top of them. Your single job now is to do the best you can to give this kid a chance to grow up and be functional. If when the kid is 18, and youre still unhappy,and you want to eat a bullet, (and Im still alive and in this dump) I will buy a greyhound ticket to wherever you are, and hand you the gun. But that train has left the station. If you wanted to off yourself, you had half a year to contemplate that before you decided to pop this kid out. And god knows there are some shady abortion doctors willing to take care of business at 30 weeks. You made this choice. As someone who's overweight, a lot of your pain is probably due to your weight. I have a ton of pain throughout the day, and if I lost 30 lbs, a lot of it would probably subside.
I've lost a ton of weight since my son was born. Shit, I was 20lbs lighter right before he was born than before I was pregnant, and even more after the fact. Im honestly at a relatively normal weight right now, about 160 give or take. It has helped ever so slightly, but not in any tremendous way. Malice can verify this since he's seen me before and after losing so much weight.
As for what you're saying, don't think I disagree with you. I'm just going to lose him anyway, so it really doesn't matter. I'm losing my independence.The seizures are more and more frequently, and more and more frequently I'm having status epilepticus. My chest pain is more and more frequent and painful, and I really believe I've had a few more since my first diagnosed one back in March 2016. My health is piss poor and is finally circling the drain. This isn't much different than if I'd be killed by my aneurysm going critical.
Originally posted by CASPER Okay…. PoC and §m£ÂgØL are dangling from a cliff, high above a roiling pit of lava. The lichenous sedimentary rock is quickly slipping beneath their sweaty grasps. You have a length of strong hempen cord and a harness, approximately 30 feet in length, so if you had to choose…
Who hit dat pussy mo betta?
Seriously what in the fuck is wrong with you people?
PoC.
I'm not sure, just truly damaged goods, I guess. -
2017-08-14 at 7:03 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by NARCassist do you even realize that declaring yourself suicidal isn't going to get POC back? and even if it did, getting him back through guilt and pity wouldn't make the great relationship you're wanting, and would inevitably just fuck up again pretty quickly. do you even realize how obvious it is that this is the real reason you are making these suicidal claims? everyone else can see this, its so blatantly obvious. i guess you are very likely lying to yourself and have actually convinced yourself this is what you want, like an actor getting into character. but deep down you know its not.
inb4: long wall of text rant to deny these claims, including all sorts of bullshit to attempt to substantiate your original claim.
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I don't want PoC back, I have no interest in that, and to a large degree, I'm relieved I won't have to go through the hell I would have gone through for him and that he won't have to deal with me as his burden. Even if I did want him back, I can't do that now. Things have already been set into motion to where I can't go back to that, or anything for that matter, without serious, life fucking repercussions that would make that impossible anyway. We would have never had a great relationship anyway, even if things hadn't have come to how they are now. I'm truly happy he saved himself from dealing with me in the long term. It would have been a fucked burden I don't wish to put onto anyone. I do however wish thing COULD have been different than that, and for a while I was lulled by him into believing they could. You won't hear about PoC and I ever getting back together though. I haven't begged him for that, nor would I even IF (again, not saying he has or would, but hypothetically) he begged to be back in that, I wouldn't, I couldn't, for several reasons.
To some degree I am glad that I am no longer living a fantasy, a delusion anymore. Something that could never truly exist as I and he wanted it to. I value honesty, I value truth, and I'd rather have the truth than a lie even if it hurts.
I really don't care. This discussion has only gone on because you and others have brought it up after I made one mention of going back to my destructive path I was destined to take all this time. Let's just drop it. -
2017-08-14 at 4:50 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by LegalizeSpiritualDiscovery People who genuinely want to die don't stay suicidal for four years, nor do they continuously post essays justifying their suicide. People who actually want to die don't talk about it, they just do it. Not saying you should do it, but you obviously want attention and help. Go to counseling or a doctor.
You're right, I don't want to die, really. I never have. There's just no legitimate hope. It's not so much my mental issues, though they exist, it's the physical issues that truly create the hopelessness. I've just come to accept that and be realistic about it rather than continue in vain, and suffer for a lot longer than I have to.
I would be dead this moment, if it wasn't for the fact I need to do things for my son before I go.
A few weeks ago, I was contemplating suicide. I'm very afraid of fucking up, especially with a gun, but with a .357 magnum that shouldn't be an issue. I spent a few hours there working up the nerve. Well, I'd not checked it since the old guy had gone into the hospital. He ended up only having 4 rounds. I knew he likes to keep one chamber empty, a lot of people do this to protect from accidental discharges, but he had removed another round for some reason so instead of 5 bullets in the revolver, there was only 4. I didn't realize this. I thought for sure, I was ready to go, and after a while of contemplating, I finally stuck the barrel in my mouth and pulled the trigger. I about shit myself. It took a lot for me to get over the fear and finally pull the trigger, because well... I am scared. I have a huge fear of fucking up from knowing people who have, though in their cases, they fucked up using a low caliber firearm than anything else going wrong, but still even though I know I'm using a high caliber firearm that definitely should do the job, that fear exists, along with not actually wanting to die. I couldn't get the nerve up again and it scared me. I just wish I could do it. My luck, I finally get the balls to do it, and something fucks up, like me not checking to make sure it wasn't on an empty chamber... I never even thought that'd be an issue. It left me unable to pull the trigger that second time and me having an anxiety attack, I just wish it'd have gone it and not be here suffering, but it would have been selfish, especially at the time when I was trying for PoC, and making a lot of effort to continue and be hopeful about a future, knowing then I had help and support. t least now I'm trying to do a few things to make my son's life better and safer before I go. I have to do this though, it's the right thing to do. Realistic hope has been gone for a long time, from my health steadily going down and down and down, to the point there is no going back to how it was before it got this bad. I cannot heal, I cannot recover, I cannot get better. I didn't want it to be like this and why I struggle to just do it. -
2017-08-13 at 9:51 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by NARCassist oh fucking hell, mememememe, that's all i'm fucking hearing here. YOUR SON NEEDS YOU FOR FUCK SAKE. stop being a fucking pussy and step up, he needs you to do that. do you think you're the only parent suffering with illness? do you think your son is the only kid with a parent who is ill, or drug dependant? he'll forgive you for any of that because he'll know its out of your control and as a son will love you unconditionally. what he won't forgive you for, and will fucking hate and resent you for is abandoning him.
have a look at your son, is he not worth going to hell and back for?
right now you are sounding like the worst parent ever.
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I probably am the worst parent ever, besides his father. I'm trying to do right by him. There is a lot wrong with me that prevents me from giving him the life he deserves and will suffer for if I'm left in his life. I cannot provide for him properly, and I realize that now. A lot to do with my health issues. My dependency is solely revolving around my chronic pain and physical ailments. I never stopped being suicidal, this is something I've dealt with for a looooong time. I have been going steadily down hill for the last 4 years or so, probably longer, just more rapidly in the last couple years.
I am just trying to do the best I can for him before I go and set him up right. Once I'm gone, it doesn't matter. I am a selfish person. I think he should grow up resenting me while I'm dead, than me resenting him while I'm alive. -
2017-08-13 at 3:55 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by NARCassist the problem with plans is that things rarely go according to plan, and often will go way off what was planned for. there is literally an infinite of possibilities of how your plan for your son will work out. now normally its ok because you can adapt your plans as and when they veer off course. but if you don't exist then you do not have that option any more. what happens if the people you arranged to look after your son all died in a car accident, or in a million other ways? what if they all fell out and the situation changed dramatically? what about new people who you presently have no knowledge of come into the mix?
normally if the situation changed in such a way that was negative for your son, then you would adapt your plans accordingly. however, if you don't exist then that option is no longer available to you.
what's more, bad and negative experiences will be a part of your sons life no matter what the situation is for him. that's just a part of everyone’s life. some negative aspects experienced by some people will be more negative than for others, but they will still be negative experiences. but with you checking out of your sons life like that, he will always see the fact that you chose not to be there for him to help him through those negatives, to mean that you are directly responsible for the negative things that happened to him. he will twist these thoughts in his head over the years to the point he will fucking hate you for it. most likely this will lead him to drink, drugs or other forms of damaging self-destructive behaivior. and he will continue this self-destruction because in his head it won't be him that is responsible for it, he will assign himself to the fact that he is a fuck up because his bitch of a mom has made him a fuck up. and that will make it virtually impossible for him to reverse the cycle of damaging self-destructive behaivior. and chances are it will be the end of him eventually, after living a petty tormented existence for however long he can manage to maintain that.
you could see to it that the chance of that happening are greatly reduced however. but you need to be around to stand guard at all times. being a mom to your son isn't a job you can outsource.
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He will hate me in life, as much a he will come to hate me with my death. I really don't care about that. He likely, dude to genetic, personality, and other traits will turn to drugs, with or without me in his life. Honestly, he's got a better shot of having a drug free life without me in it that he does with my influence, being I'm physically dependent now, and will be for the rest of my life.
If we were talking about the average person, then I'd be more inclined to believe you, but we aren't. I am in no way average, and have a fuckload of negative traits, with very few positive ones, and even this positive traits often manifest and act in a negative way. He really will be better off without me in his life. He doesn't deserve to be apart of my negative that is the entirety of who I am, and what makes me, me.
With the logic you used here, then what if I were killed in a car accident, or my thoracic aortic aneurysm finally ruptures? The latter is actually pretty likely to happen at some point in the near future if I keep on existing. I'm losing all my independence day by day, and it's likely he will be forced out of my life anyway, with that if I keep existing, with my health taking a nose-dive, before too much longer. I seizure fairly regularly, pretty frequently. I have been in status epilepticus, twice (or so I thought more than that actually. I was only counting the times I was fucked for an hour or so with back to back seizures happening more than 3 back to back, and not returning to normal, but apparently having two or more seizures 5minutes apart without returning to normal constitutes status epilepticus, which under those definitions, I've been in that state dozens of times, and it's fairly common. I just realized this when I was looking up how to spell "epilepticus" and seen the mention for it being of that duration/experience, where I was just going on what I've seen and known from other epileptic people I've known long before I was epileptic myself.) which was really, really fucked. Both times I was yelled and screamed at, right before the one incident began, I was physically shaken awake despite them knowing stress, yelling, screaming, and my anxiety, and fear being elevated is a huge trigger for me to seizure. It took me a while to realize the correlation, along with sleep deprivation which is a bitch since I have insomnia. I have low energy, motivation, so when I have taken stims, they usually contribute to me seizuring too, but... shit has to get done, so it's a trade off I often will make. Anti-epileptic drugs really, really fucking steal who I am as a person, and take my already low energy status to a whole new low. I've tried a couple different ones. They all make me want to shrivel up and die inside, the way they make me feel, very similar to anti-psychotic drugs, such as seroquel, do to me, and I have taken benzos/used alcohol that does help, and seizured despite using. Phenibut helped som what, but I don't want another monkey on my back, especially a GABA/benzo monkey on my back. I've seizured taking gabapentin too, at really high, insane doses, albeit, it wasn't as common as it would have been had I had nothing to take through the WDs from T-PAIN I was in. I'm losing my memory. I swear, I feel like I have Alzheimers. It's scary as fuck not remembering things I know damned well I should have recalled, but can't. It's getting worse and worse for me. I'm scared as fuck for how this is progressing. I'm sure my steroid use for the crippling inflammation that cropped up is contributing here, and making me far more erratic and emotionally fucked, and insane. I knew it'd do this to me, and why I haven't bothered to use it unless shit was really, really fucking bad. I went a year where I needed it pretty regularly, and seen how that affected me after the fact and it was horrible so for me to use it again, it was pretty dire circumstances. My cardiac problems are worsening, with severe angina, rapid heart rate... I've had a couple times in the past few months (last time just maybe a week ago while talking with PoC, which kinda got sparked off with an anxiety attack) where it sure as hell felt just like the time I went to the ER for a heart attack. I don't doubt I've suffered more than the one I was diagnosed with back in March 2016.
If I don't kill myself, I likely will die in the near future anyway, just with a lot more suffering and won't have shit sorted out for my son properly if I go forward attempting to live. Not just that, but things have already been set into motion and if I back out now, it's going to get really, really bad for me.
I'm in so much pain day to day, and I'm tired of gritting my teeth to just deal with it and hide it from everyone around me. -
2017-08-13 at 2:55 PM UTC in phenibut opinions?it's super mild, and in no way recreational. it helps anxiety quite a bit without the fucky feeling regular benzos give you. I'd say go for it, especially if you have anxiety issues. You won't get addicted, just rotate days on and off.
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2017-08-13 at 2:53 PM UTC in Sometimes I wear nazi underwearI hardly ever wear underwear. Underwear is entirely overrated for both men and woman. Men don't even have a reason to be wearing underwear, like woman do, it's kinda stupid tbh.
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2017-08-13 at 2:41 PM UTC in Have you bean to hell?
Originally posted by -SpectraL The only way to avoid the unhappiness of life is to live a spiritual-based life. Any other way is automatic doom and gloom.
not necessarily. Why is it automatic doom and gloom, say if you're an atheist. It might be liberating to know you aren't being judged for your deeds, and can live a hedonistic life enjoying all the carnal pleasures life has to offer without judgement from God. -
2017-08-13 at 2:39 PM UTC in Have you bean to hell?I've resided in hell for the better part of my life. The farm period was a particularly gruesome level of hell I encountered.
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2017-08-12 at 8:11 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Totse 2001 If a parent ends their life, their child usually follows. for the sake of your son, don't do it.
I'm a terrible mother, you all can agree with that, PoC can agree with that, and I'm sure once my son is old enough he will agree with that. Dying might hurt him someway, but less so than being in his life. Hopefully he'll understand, if he doesn't well... tough shit.
My Doctor had this disccusion with me many times back around 2007-2011. do it for your kid. besides, think of all the cool crazy shit you will miss. like all of us having to figure out how to survive and battle AI technology.
become a Doctor or at least a Registered nurse. People like human touch and experience and not some AI coded bot trying to give you compassion.
other Jobs probably not going away.. IRS, Judges/Attorneys, Mortuary (selling of coffins) those are set Jobs.
Maybe state Jobs. get into a Union. Union people will have no problem destroying AI if it comes down to losing their Jobs.
Y poor ability to cope with my pain prevents me from doing all that much in furthering my education/career. I will NOT be a nurse... I won't take orders from douche-bags, I wanna be the douche-bag.
Originally posted by LegalizeSpiritualDiscovery Lol, reminds me of the type of people who post this type of shit:
For halfway decent people, recognizing that they're an ass is motivation to feel some remorse and work on not being an ass. Nobody likes the annoying types who do some assholish shit and then go, "Haha yeah, I'm an asshole," and then continue acting like an asshole all the time. Those are the types that people stop hanging around.
I don't think I am worth anything, even at my best. I would never post somethig like that. I don't think "Haha, I'm an asshole", I do have remorse, and guilt and feel like shit for being that way. I do try to be better than I've been, but always revert to being the cunt I am. -
2017-08-12 at 7:04 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Discount Whore 2.0 you told him to kill himself hydro… do you not see how much of a bitch you're being? stop airing your dirty laundry and worry about your son. I never see you post anything about your son
Yeah, I did. I was being a cunt. I am a cunt. At least I own what I am unlike some people/cunts. Give me credit for that at least.
I do worry about my son. I rarely post anything about my son because I would prefer to keep that shit off of here. I deal with him everyday. I love him, for sure, but I'd rather forget about that shit when I come here to post since I pretty much revolve around him. Everything I am working on is for him, else I'd just check out now, I really, really want to, you know. He won't be in foster care when I am gone. He'll be with people I know and trust to bring him up and raise him right.
For the record, I'm not suicidal because I'm not with PoC, was suicidal loooong before that, suicidal because I am in chronic pain every moment of my life from varying degrees. It's enough to drive one insane. I hate having to use steroids to deal with some of my issues, for how fucky they make my mind, stealing my memory, and just overall shitty they make me feel. The alternative to using them is being in such agony that standing up, walking, or otherwise doing anything other than being curled up in a ball on my bed is too intense to cope with. I was really fucked before I realized I what was going on was a bad bout of inflammation. Also, the thing about steroids is, the side effects last far longer than the beneficial effects. It's fucked, and I hate my life has to revolve around fucked drug use just to function, hence I'm suicidal. -
2017-08-12 at 10:46 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS