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Posts by hydromorphone
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2016-03-16 at 5:06 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionYeah, because doing drugs makes you a bad mother, eh? My dad worked a 16 hour swing shifts and some how managed to come home, dolaundry, clean, make dinner and even take me all the fuck over to museums and shit growing up. Not until he told me when I was 13 did I know he shot dillys everyday of his life. The reason he managed to be such a good father was the dillys to keep him going. People are the choices they make, not the drugs the injest.
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2016-03-16 at 4:28 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionAlso, thank god I did find a job that affords me many smoke breaks, not too much work, good hours just shit pay. I spend half my 10 hour shift smoking with the cook. the other night she called out and the day shift cook came in with a bag of blow- in my no fucks given state I popped a few propranolol and did lines with him all night while smoking two blunts. He was supposed to come in tonight to serve but never showed up. This job has afforded me many connections and free drugs- the upside of not being paid well, I guess.
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2016-03-16 at 4:25 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionFor once, I agree with you, sploo. Florida is a shitty state all together. There are little pockets of natural beauty, but overall it sucks.
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2016-03-15 at 11:58 PM UTC in ATT: §m£ÂgØL (since you obviously didnt mean youd stop postingnhere)Id believe you if there was a god.
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2016-03-15 at 11:55 PM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionlol I abbriviate mobile home and some how that makes me trashy? 90% of the homes in Florida are mobile homes and what Ive lived in for 5 years now. I have 10 dogs, my home is currently clean and presentable, save for a few boxes Ive got packed up in my living room. I have a friend staying with me, helping to get me moved.. or something because I dont know where Ill be going. My situation has nothing to do with my dogs, it has to do with money. I had everything worth anything stolen by my exhusband. §m£ÂgØL says I just pawned shit all last year- I pawned one ring, which I have back now. My health sucks, Im literally dying, my heart is shitting out on me and I wont be around much longer- I really just give no fucks since Ive lost my son. Im just going to make sure he is safe and away from a pedo which I thought §m£ÂgØL would support but hes terrified of childsupport, which I dont want. I tried to let my son go to him but obviously he will be resented by him and his folks so hes better with who hes with now. This idiot thinks Id actually be fucked with my shit health to come kill him... like I could even manage that if I wanted to. ill be dead before too long and youre right, I am a weak person- physically though Ive gone through more than the average person and survived shit others havent... I wish it wasnt so and Id be dead now, but it wont be too much longer, even the best of us cant go on with a heart half ass functioning with low oxygen levels.
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2016-03-15 at 11:24 PM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionMike, I emailed you. Also, I forgot to message sophie back (actually was in middle of emailing him back and my phone crashed)- Ill send that stuff in a few days. Thanks.
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2016-03-15 at 10:35 PM UTC in ATT: §m£ÂgØL (since you obviously didnt mean youd stop postingnhere)This wasnt solely for his benefit Im writing this, but I wanted him to see it, and being that he will respond in a thread ment to contact other members here. My whole life has been a series of fuck ups and it seems everytime I go and make the right choices in life, to fix those mistakes, to be better... thats when the people I love and care about abandon me. It happened before and I should be used to it by now. The situation with §m£ÂgØL and the gun (I didnt pull a gun on §m£ÂgØL the first time, that was solely my husband), and Itold him after, he needed to leave. He didnt, he just made himself more at home and I never, ever directlypointed the gun at him. I toldhim finally he needed to go along with my husband. Even with me threatening, he refused to leave. I was hormonal, and fucked in the head and was just told by my husband he would shootme in the head as Islept. I just wanted both ofthem togo. After the incident, we tried to make things better and ehile yes, the fighting still occurred with my Exhusnand, I never, ever did anything to hurt §m£ÂgØL. he was only here a short time when the gun came outandI believed he was part of the shit with my husband, hence why I wanted them gone. He did grab me with force on the street when I went to leave and again, Id been drug in vehicles before and it terrified me is why I threatened tomake a scene if he didnt let go of me- if I wanted to have been an asshole, Id have flagged down a car and had him arrested for assult on a pregnant woman, because when someone says leave me the fuck alone, donttouch me, and youtouch them, nomatter if you believe its notassult or not, it is. Isuffer alot of pain, maybe he didnt have a problem with him breaking hard but I did, thats how much shit hurts me, especially when I was pregnant. It hurt when he grabbed my arm and tried pulling me. I have backproblems, little things that seem miniscle to a regular healthy person, it hurts me. He also continued to stay with my husband during this 2 hour escipade to stop me from going to a shelter. Now, beyond that... we worked past all that. Ileft thatsackof shit when I saw him atart totreat my son the way he treated me. I havent known how to manage alone for adecade, especially with a baby I never wanted, especially being single. I said to him I wouldjust go until I ran out of money and my medicine and just... probably die or suicide. He asked me if we could try, but his fear was it being so heavy in the start. I said we could try, but just... I didnt want to lose a friendship over this. He promised we wouldnt lose our friendship.we had a lot of rough spots. Sometimes Id be very depressed and just want to off myself- it was incredibly hard caring for a baby alone with my pain and problems. I saw no hope. At times he would hallucinate me saying I hated him or some such nonesense that I swear was untrue. He hurt me alot with that, and most the time I didnt even know why he was doing it because he wouldnt tell me then when he got a little more sane again what he thought I said or did and it wasnt true but he would believe it until he got more sane. I didnt do anything to hurt him. I just tried to help, tried to be positive when he got low... I had a job call me, where I had applied about 6 months before, before my Ex husband left. I didnt know how Id work and whod watch my son but I did find someone and even through this time he was being paranoid and hopeless for our situation, but I kept going and trying to make shit better for us. When we got going better is when it seemed he wanted to throw it away since it got closer to his ultimate fear.. fear and uncertainly because he was going to come down here to help the situation. I dont know what I did for him to just rip me out of his life. At onepoint last year I was a toxic person, surrounded by toxic people, but at the time he threw me away- I was doing everything right and working my ass off to make it work, being a single mom raising this baby and working damn near fulltime (Ive even worked 60-70 hours a week at my job here now a few different weeks, this week Ive pulled 50). I just needed some help here to make it work with him. point is, the harder I try, the harder it gets and thats when people abandon me, not when shit is fucked and Im fucked, but when I begin to do right, thats when I lose it all. Thats when all the support, and my best friend decides Im worthless- after they get all the drugs Ive mailed and christmas presents, then Im no good to them. After they abuse the shit I begged for them not to. paranoia, schizophrenia and benzos... then they decide Im worthless. It hurts a lot, but Im at the end of my road so it really doesnt matter.
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2016-03-15 at 6:27 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionNo, I didnt lose my child. I gave my child up and am working so he can be adopted without that rapist pedo getting custody.
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2016-03-15 at 5:39 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionHey, Mike, made a thread because I wanted to discuss something with you but the PMs dont work. Shoot me an email please, if you wouldnt mind. Thanks.
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2016-03-14 at 11:24 PM UTC in is it against the rules for a professor to mandate you to stay after class?Talk to the dean of student affairs. Or the student ombudsman... or just go to talk to a school concelor and they should direct you to the right person if not just take care of it themselves.
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2016-03-14 at 4:49 PM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionWill someonw or something juat fucking kill me already. Being tough sucks in this situation. Ive gotteb up from some pretty bad rolls, bumps and tumbles a lesser person would be dead or severely hurt from. Ive dealt with so much fucking shit, I cant even believe it myself sometimes. I wiah I were a pussy ass whimp whod just roll over and be dead by now. I always had a preminishion Id be dead at 27, so here is my year. Ive not been often wrong with these feelings I get, those preminishions that haunted me since Ive been young. Iknew §m£ÂgØL would never, ever come back when he left the first round and cried as I said goodbye with him promising me that wasnt the case, that I was wrong this time. Im never wrong and I hate that more than anything when it comes to that shit I just 'know'.
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2016-03-14 at 2:47 PM UTC in ATT: Crazy Mike and/or SophieIntervine for justice? Wtf... Ive never, nor now want to kill you. When I pulled the gun, both times, I just wanted BOTH of you to leave my fucking home. Did you? No, I went on for a day tell you to pack your shit, you needed to leave ASAP and instrad of respect that you came back with a rug for your room. Im glad your life is better, but 90% og what youve said is straight up twisted. You said first off you werent going to even post here again, so why the fucking bullshit? You care so much what these faggots think of you youve got to post shit and hurt me more? A person dying of heart failure, low oxygen levels, chronic pain, just struggling to get by. I may be physically dependent on a drug, but Imnot like youbwho abuses everything they lay their hands on everytime they do deapite knowing the ahit it would cause. I begged you not to abuse the benzos I sent, begged and pleaded and almost had it stopped in transit when you abused a few you bought from your friend. I was terrified of whatd happen. I see I was right to be, as youre so fucking delusional, so fucking paranoid, and obviously dont even remember shit correctly. I swear to god on my sons life, the person on this earth I love above all, you grabbed me and wouldnt let go when I got out. maybe the sudden jar didnt hurt your back which isnt fucked up, but it did mine and I decided then and there to just leave. I woyld have been perfectly happy for you and him to have gone and done what the fuck ever away from me. I didn not wish to be touched being in pain, I did not wish to talk to you despite you bitching I stop and do so. I wanted to LEAVE the abuse. Both of you tried to stop me. How many times did I say I was going to give that baby up for adoption before he signed be BC? A dozen? Maybe more? How many times did YOU tell me not to? Sometimes after a speil of saying I should, then when I said 'okay, Im going todothis, Im going now' its be followed with 'wait, Im wrong... dont, things will get better'. I did not get a jobjust because you wouldnt support me. I NEVER wanted your help, I begged you not tosend mefire alarms or the other shit or to pay myelectric yet you went on and on about how you were myfriend and what good money was if you couldnt spend it to help the people you loved. Guess you dont remember that. I did send you a $300 MO and when I said I did fuck, you went on a tangent about how Isomehow could sue or.. idk wtf you thought I could do if you cashed it- you put it in your bankaccount and wait for it to clear or gosomewhere it was issued and have it cashed- wtf can I doabout it? Ilost the recipt, Idont know if youve got it or cashed it or just too afraid to cash it for some weird ass reason- maybe your parents tookit since they would take and go through your mail- idk but I sent it. you know, being all worried about some fucking post on a forum you made a thread about not posting on anymore- your life couldnt have got that much better if youre scared Ill murder you and want some sort of 'justice' or whatever. And for the record, I swear on my sons life I never said to thepolice youd hurt your mom. I called because I called YOUR MOTHERS PHONE NUMBER, NOT YOURS, Ill post the number if you want to keep bitching about it so you can have tour fucking justice and these people you care so much about can see whos name its registered in. I was threatened to have DCF called on me if I kept trying to contact his mom and for fear my exhusband woyld get custody if e called I called so they could inform her- I dont know why they didnt but I swear on everything dear to me. I was trying to give my son away, and even though they didnt respond I did give him to someone else. I need to get my exhusband off the BC before he can be adopted, please, someone explain that a father has the right to say no to adoption and can take custody, he doesnt believe me and hes said he will take custody dipshit. Im working on that. I sorry youve regretted everything with me, and yes, most of this shit, working around the clock to raise a child, working without sleep 99% of the time has caused my health to deteriorate so fast. i still am working, I walked off the one night but was talked to come back by the same coworkers who did try and help me. I wont be homeless because of the dogs Ill be homeless because I cannot pay rent, becaue my taxes were spent on a vehicle, and Ive no fucking money to move. Youre such apetty, sad little man. Be happy Ill be dead soon, please, it should come as a relief to you. I wish I was joking I wish to god I wasnt in so much pain and I wish to fuck you hadnt given me hope, and got me to keep going when all I wanted to do was lay down and die. I tried so hard for you, and I loved you so much, I still do, because Im loyal and stupid. You didnt have to hurt me like this, you didnt have to make this pain so much greater than it is. Your life must not be all that well if youre still worried about all this and fuck have to post on this dumb little forum because I say something you disagree with or dont want these fags to think differently of you... Dont worry, hes gone, Im just working to make sure all the shit is cleared and hes off the BC before I die.
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2016-03-14 at 5:36 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionHad a table tonight ask me after I served them 'is there anything we can pray for you about?' And I said 'well, as a matter of fact...' told them mysituation. We prayed and when they left they left me a $60 tip, which fucking helps a lotconsidering Im low as fuck on my medicine. Guy is gonna wait on the 100$ I owe him til my next pay. So... I could be struggling worse, I guess. finding a place I can afford is the fucking killing blow though- Im SOL in that department.
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2016-03-14 at 3:28 AM UTC in ATT: Crazy Mike and/or Sophie1337 can back me up on this, my T-PAIN use is way in check compared to others even. Im just trying to get by, trying to make it one day at a time before it all goes up.
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2016-03-14 at 3:27 AM UTC in ATT: Crazy Mike and/or SophieJust because someone does a drug doesnt mean they are a junkie. People suffer chronic pain and its a terrible thing- I dont go about getting high, I go about killing debilitating pain. last time I saw a dilly was when my son was born and I was using very low doses- they give the shit in the hospitals, my friend was prescribed for 3 months after her son was born and she was breast feeding. I wasnt even using doses she was prescribed. I medicate, I dont get high. I havent even bought weed in forever and the little bit Ive had between then was from generous coworkers who threw me a bone.
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2016-03-14 at 3:08 AM UTC in ATT: Crazy Mike and/or SophieAlso, I never bothered to say I didnt do shit- Ive fucked upa lot. I take responsibility for my shit but more than me created this clusterfuck.
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2016-03-14 at 3:07 AM UTC in ATT: Crazy Mike and/or SophieI was breast feeding and woukd have still if I hadnt dried up due tothe stress that got started with my exhusband with taking my son to the pediatrician who called for 'medical neglect' case was openand shut pretty much but it fucked up my milk. DCF even said it was bullshit for them to call. I feel guilty I cant breast feed anymore. Im just trying to do the very best next thing. Working now it would be a major pain in the ass too.
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2016-03-13 at 11:04 PM UTC in ATT: Crazy Mike and/or SophieBill Krozby, if we can manage to be civil instead of just shit throwing Id enage more. Im not a junkie. I take T-PAIN for my chrinic pain, I used to be prescribed vicodin and percocets along with a poopoo platter of other shit years ago when I could actually afford a docotor and had one willing to write me pain meds. I have gone through a phase of shooting pills. Before the other day I hadnt shot up in a very long time. A friend of mine ended yp selling me a few pills for dirt cheap and I shot up after Id have them in my possession for a week. I still have two pills left- Im hardly a junkie. Junkies dont hold on to shit like that for a day muchless a weeek. Im saving the last two I have for when I got to move some heavy ass funitutre and get out of here, which wont be tooo much longer. Im in pain,Bill Krozby, everyday of my life, and it hurts, and makes everything just10 times more miserable than it should be. If I didnt have pain medicine, Id be bedridden 90% of the time. Even with this shitty stuff, I have days I cant do like I should be able to and have to figure out inventive ways to get my baby out of his playpen when I cant pick him up. I hate being like this- I wish, so much, I wasnt in pain all the time. Pain, chronic, never ceasing pain is an awful thing. Some people dont realize I suffer as I do because I get up, I try not to bitxh about it and I grit my teeth and go on with life. Im not a violent peraon by natire- Im a caring peraon. I try to take care of people I love, try to make them happy, try to do right by them. The incident with the gun, it reaulted in a combination of stress, horomonea from being pregnant (I was vomitting all day everyday wgile prego), and just feeling backed into a corner and unable to rid myself of this rapist pigwho wouldnt go and leave my house, who wouldnt stay out of my life. §m£ÂgØL stayed with us and slept in our bed 99% of the time here and one reason I liked it so much was because I didnt havr to fear being fucked in my sleep and waking up feeling like I was violated. My husband slammed on breaks one day shortly after he came down, hurting my back, so I got out at the stop sign and was determined to walk to a homeless shelfter (probably trying to hitchhike since it was like 30 miles away) and I was grabbed by Gollym on the sidewalk when I repeatedly told him to go away, leave me alone, I was leaving. I got scared becaaue Ive gone to leave like that before and was grabbed and thrown in a vehicle and driven home before. I forget what I said to him, but it was along the linea of fuck off Im going to scream in the atreets for help if you dont fucking let go of me. I was stalked by them for two houra, where evwr I went thwyd poat up aways andI not wanting to be followed kept changing directions. After all this hell I said fuck it and finally hitchhiked hime I was so tired and fucking beat down from thia stalking from my exhusband and §m£ÂgØL- Im guessing he was afraid Id report him for abuse and rape is why he kept trying to stop me from leaving. It made it so hard to get away from this asshole and I really believeed at the time §m£ÂgØL was involved with the shit especially since after telling him to leave me alone, go away and not touch me, he came up and grabbed me on the street. I was really desparate to get away from this situation. I never, ever was violent toward §m£ÂgØL after that incident with the gun again. I hold a lot of guilt for it all. I didnt want to hurt anyone, if I did, I would have.... I wanted to get out of this hell of a relationship with my exhusband. I even talked to §m£ÂgØL before he came back about the fighting, about the hell I was in... I didnt try to keep it a secret about the shit. One reason §m£ÂgØL didnt stay with us was because my husband and I faught ao much and I plannned and did have the baby at home. §m£ÂgØL did help me when I couldnt cash my pell grant check and I was going to pay him back the money but was told 'no, if you do I wont ever talk to you again'. He also helped me get electric and paid it a few time when my grandmother shut off the electric after my exhusband left. I give credit where credit is due and §m£ÂgØL did offer many times to help me when I was struggling but I said many times, No, I didnt want the help I wanted to show him I could do it myself. His biggeat fear of being with me was I was trying to use him. I wanted to do it all myself so he coykd see I wasnt looking to be with him just for money, Iwanted to be with this person I loved and cared about and felt so ckose to. I wanted tomake up for that one awful night, I wanted to be a better person than I had been in many years when I was surounded by toxicity. Ive always struggled with depression and sucidial ideations, even making serious attempts many, many years ago (PoC can vouche for atleast one of those). Its hard to keep going when there is no hope in sight. §m£ÂgØL, by coming down here, by being with me offered me that hope that kept me going. Id planned, before he had asked if we could try, to just go until it fell apart and I ceashed and burned, much like I have now. I still struggled evem when things werent so bad, but this is something Id been working to change that had been this way for well over a decade. i told him that people dont just heal over night, nobody, dealing with the sort of shit Id been dealing with just heals and fixes everything over night, it takes time and Id made big improvements in the short period of time (a few months) since my exhusband left. Id been accused of trying to keep the baby away from him,trying to use him and all this shit... of not wanting the same life he did so much, but I kept my head up and tried so hard to keep going and not letting his feara deatroy everything like they kept trying to do. §m£ÂgØL gets scared and irrational a lot and when he doea his mentality is to trash everything. Hes been suicidal a lot aswell- his plans were always to order buturalfentanyl and kill himself. There was one time we both were suicidal, but he wanted to see me a last time and proposed hed order the shit and we would suicide together.... I wish so much, his fear hadnt ruined it all, and that that awful time hadnt ever happened to bring thoses fears to fruit in the firat place. Things could have been better than all this. Also if you want to bitxh about paragraphs, Im on a phone and cant even see the text I type as I type it-deal with it.
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2016-03-13 at 5:08 AM UTC in ATT: Crazy Mike and/or SophieLanny, Im not a saint. I made a lot of bad choices in life. Had I taken different paths, done some things different, rid myself of toxic people long ago I wouldnt be in this sinking ship Im in right now. I honestly never expected to have a baby, especially just acouple years ago. Once it happened, its not like I could have afforded an abortion once I found out so since then, while I have fucked up, mainly by letting that pedo sign the birth certificate, Ive been trying to do right by this baby. What person who doesnt care about their child goes through wds just so their baby can have 10$ a gallon raw goat milk? Agree with me or not about the health benefits, but if I didnt care about this baby, I sure as fuck wouldnt be feeding him milk that I cant get with WIC or foodstamps and have to pay cash for.
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2016-03-13 at 3:26 AM UTC in ATT: Crazy Mike and/or SophieHey if tearing people down who are already torn down makes you and your little life feel that much better, than that says more about you and your sorry life than it does me. Im not going to keep feeding your bullshit. Have a good life.