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Posts by hydromorphone

  1. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    Watching the corpse of my horse rot for three days, coincidently I had just been reading about Gilgimesh for my english class... probably most traumatic and heartbreaking thing ever for me atleast. I was also in WDs from dilaudid at the time as Well which made it that much harder..
  2. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    I've begged this nigger to let me read it, he won't. Sorry, would if I could but not even I have gotten to read it.
  3. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    Well apparently NO FUCKING BODY here knows miles, kilometers... Fuck I could work with hectars if that's what theyd say when I ask 'how far is *insert location here*?'.. Everything is 10 minutes. Like fuckers I asked for distance not time. Also, they don't know what the fuck GRAMS are. I've bought 2 'bundles' which is 12 tiny wax paper baffles that are stamped and each baggie contains a different amount. The first bundle was a lot less. This bundle I've got now, same 4 baggies, did me right this go. Such fucking,bullshit. H dealer was all up on what I was taking when I said I'd prefer my medication to H. I'm keeping my lips sealed on this. I could make a fortune on shit here if I started selling it and probably also have it banned in a year. Well.., tuesday.. Fucking tuesday.. Fuck man.. Wish mail ran 7 days a week like it used to back in the day.
  4. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    Well where I am at being outta T-PAIN I've tasted the local heroin supply. Came in wax paper tiny baggies stamped on red KING. Its light tan and seems to be fairly,strong for the amount I took but my tolerance is huge- I'm barely out of wds, and I did 4 then 5 bags but wasn't much to begin with in each. Things are so fucked, hope tuesday I will have my shit.
  5. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    I see why narcan is something youd want on hand especially if you have idiot friends or hey.. who knows, you might just show up and save the day, but I personally never want that drug in my home or in my body. If I die of an opiate overdose (unlikely, I have god like tolerance these days) I probably did it on purpose anyway. Even if i go off so fucked and miraclously found enough opiates to pose a risk, Id be dying very happy. Seriously, I will be very pissed ifI come to and some nigger shot me with narcan- especially if I know that person and if I know them well enough to be shooting dope around them, they better damn well know how I feel about narcan- go ruin someone elses poppy dream bliss, not mine.
  6. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    Well, I mean its been this way forever. If a guy fucks 100 chicks hes hailed a hero, if I chick does that shes a whore/slut. I mean youd think since casual sex is more a norm these days that it would be dropped especially since the dude calling some chick a slut for fuckkng a bunch ofnguys would also be bitching if she didnt put out- which way do you want it? fuvk, you cant have it both ways if youre just having casual sex. as for guys being virgins, even if its by choice (malice for instance, or someone with morals/religion) its still thrown as an insult. There arent too many people in this world who couldnt find ANYONE to have unpaid sex with- so I dont see the big deal. I knew a guy who was a virgin for some sappy wanting to find the right girl, someone he might marry before sex, and he got a lot of shit from friends and people he knew- why wpuld it matter? It doesnt make him less experienced at life, providing, or his education- sure hes probably missing out onnsome superfical fun, STDs and being able to brag about all the girls he fucks, but compared, atleast in my experienc to all tje bad fucks Ive had and regrets attached to them, he did have the right idea- atleast waiting to find a worthwhile partner. id imagine, at least now days unless the girl was religious itd be hard to maintain a relationship with a guy like that though. He did end up fuvking a few girls later in life a handful of times and then married this one girl he was with for a while, but je got a lot of shit for being 'picky' zi guess youd put it, since it wasnt due to religious reasons.
  7. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    Well, thanks, I guess. I honestly wish I didnt have tits. They get in the way, guys who drive you to the store gas because you ran out ask to see your tits on the eay back real creepy likr, they hurt and ache and during and after pregnancy they get super huge and engorged with milk and if a baby cries they literally soak your shirt with milk pouring, if you have sex milk goes everywhere- the few months zi breastfed my son I had uncrontrollable/non-desired orgasms just from him suckling. Shit zi havent nursed in months and still I do have milk from time to time when Im super horny. Again, they ache.. they are heavy... Im guess I should be happy Im not like some woman I know who have 2/3 of their body weight being tits, but even my smaller tits pose a problem.
    You know, §m£ÂgØL has a very nice set of man tits- not your typical fat man-man tits either. He even has a bowl which convieniently can hold an ash tray perfrctly which works for after sex cigarettes and not worrying about the tray tipping on the bed. You seriously need to check those man tattas out- youd see why I love them so much. All my tits have ever been good for is holding money, feeding my child, holding lighters and holding hamsters so well I would call them my hampie-holder since he would sit just comfortable squished between my cleavage and go everywhere with me.
  8. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    Why is it an insult to most men to be called a virgin, but generally not so to woman, and why is it an insult to most woman to be a whore, promiscuous, or have sex with several different men, but this would be something a lot of men would boast about or be congratulated by their friends for if roles were reversed and they were fucking woman? It seems stupid to me. I dont think there is any shame in being a virgin for either sex, nor for having loads of sex- to each their own, but I see this as a common thing everywhere. Particularly I find it funny with men going on about all the bitches hes fucked, but would insult a woman for the same thing...
  9. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    This is far more a problem than being too cold so stop bitching, get a blanket and some warming KY jelly. Trying to reach an orgasm in blazing heat, two fans blowing and youre still pouring buckets of sweat and god forbid the dogs trip the cord right when youre getting there- too close to stop and plug it back in, too fucking hot to finish- finally when you do cum youre about dead from heat exhaustion as you feel the brain cells inside your head cooking. Any sex act in general is fucking agonizing- while fucking, you literally stick to your partner with sweat and as you speed up yiu begin to make all sorts of squishy, weird, unnatural noises that fuck with you so bad you begin laughing from the comedy of it and in part because your brain is melting, as you hurry uo to finish the noises get worse and the sticky slap of skin on skin drenched in sweat about kills it. Finally you lay there wondering if the romp you just had was worth the orgasm and soaked bed and sheets youre now laying on out of breath in heat stroke. Yeah, Id say it was worth it but god damn...
  10. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    Those people who were raising their kids from a tent, her husband got laid off from a pretty decent job, a series of family issues happened and the wife was disabled. Im not sure on all the details since this was told second hand from the actual caseworker who handled it, but while iy might not happen to everyone, for whatever reason their situation happened to them, from what she said, they were pretty decent people you wouldnt have expected to have fallen in that situation. The wife homeschooled the kids and from what the lady said they were on par. I do plan to homeschool my son. I think it cuts out a lot of the bullshit and still being homeschooled youre entitled to all the activities and even taking single classes at a public school- I was home schooled myself and felt it was a lot more benficial than being in a school 7 hours 5 days a week- I had a pretty interesting childhood Id say and I wouldnt change it for the world.

    as for my own education, I certainly havent come very far, I am just one semester away from my AA degree- I would have graduated last fall had shit not fallen apart and I had a way to continue classes. Its morr than a lot of people I meet who barely have a diploma or GED, much less even tried to take a college class. Right now I have every single class I need with the grades to be accepted into the RN program. I literally took every bio geared class ny college offered. One sememster all I took was 15 credits worth of science/biology classes. I workd my ass off for good grades. This sememter in the fall fucked my gpa all up, but before that I kept it nice and high.

    I maybe an eclectic person, I have views that dont always sit right with most of society, and I certainly am not the smartest person, but what I know, I know and Id like to think I do have some street smarts- more than you, Lanny, no offense. I eat sleep and breathe subjects and shit I am into- if we talk horses, animal husbandry, and veterinary shit, Id say I do know my shit. I am somewhat of a jack of all trades- I know a bit abou talot of different subjects, some more than others, but I do value information and do my best to continue to learn everyday. My dads rule of my education was to learn something new everyday. Ive taken that advice all through my life.

    with ny son, Im not trying to make my son my best friend. My dad didnt raise me to be his best friend, its just the sort of relationship we had. We bonded over a lot of the same things, and had a similar mentality, and also there wasnt the fear of speaking or disclosing certain inofr mation with him that there usually is in other parentsl relationships. I never had to lie or keep stuff. The hardest thung I ever told my dad was that I was pregnant- i waited a single day after finding out which was the longest I ever waitef to tell him anything. sure I hope I have that with my son, that we have honesty, and shit that isnt based on fear like with ny father, and that we have really good times together. I kinda think it odd that a kid, atleast from my perspective, would not want to go and do things with their parents unless something is wrong, atleast most the time- sure I liked to go off and do shit without him sometimes but very rarely would I pick my friends over something to do with my dad- he was nuch more fun and ny friends would tend to agree. We would be piss poor broke (not literally, but as for entertsinmrnent money we didnt have a lot sometimes) andbwe still woulr go and have an awesome time. I really wish my dad were alive so he could ve in my sons life and give him the same experiences he gave me. .
  11. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    Meh, going out is overrate. I dont like most people and would rather not share close quarters with strangers like that. Either home smoking weed or out in the world, like the springs here doing ny own thing with people I care about. Thebonly concert I would have like to see was when led zepplin got back together for tour and had jon bonhams son on drums and it was only right uo the road from me they were playing of all places... but thats not gonna happen again, so fuck concerts in general. bars, clubs, or places people congregate is the last place youd find me. Ive always wondered what the draw is... but I guess most people like to be super social and say they did shit that really doesnt matter and kill time. Fucking niggers would pile in my resturant after the clubs lwt out and seemed just to be bitches wearing next to nothing trying to look hot and guys drunk as fuck, grabbing ass, smelling of weed and alcohol trying to get those bitches in the sack- and of course the few who want to flash money abd show off their cars with their fucked up rims. To each their own. Hope you have a good time.
  12. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    I do, it condenses it when I post. Sorry it pisses you off so much, but .. thats life, dont read it if it bothers you so much.
  13. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    I really dont give a fuck about if you believe me or not. I know its the truth and Im probably one of the most honest people here- it doesnt come in my nature to lie especiallyto a bunch of online faggots. Ive had bad times in my life, but life is life and it keeps on going. my health was shit, still is shit, but in part thats why I want to go- I could die tomorrow, and there are things Id like to see and experience before that happens. One thing is for sure, my son will have an interesting story of his life. Also, Im not going broke, pan handling is an option if shit is bad. i can and have taken care of my dogs, and while I wish I had had a little help, especially when my health got really bad, its not like I wont be paying these people for their care. They will be getting $200 a month, plus their food, flea and heart worm medicine. Not too bad for going out feeding them and making sure they have water twice a day and calling me if anything is wrong. Im also supplying them with fencing, a hotwire box so to install the hotwire so nobody will jump the fence or digs under. Ive also got aluminum sheets, to build them some shelter. Ive worked hard to ensure my dogs a safe happy place, and jumped through more hoops and scarificed more for my animals than youd ever dream of for your child. As for my child, why will I lose my child for going on a road trip? I take good care of my baby, he has everything he needs and I even jump through hoops just so he only ever drinks raw goat milk, because I feel its better for his health. Hes a very healthy and happy baby and he loves the animals, and they love him back. there is nothing I am doing wrong with my child to lose him. Fuck, I remember talking to a case worker and she was telling me about these people who were panhandling on the side of the road for weeks with their 3 kids- 2 years, 7 and 10. People called because they werent in school. They went out to check where they were living in a tent in the woods behind a resturant and said they were compliant. They had two tents set up and bought water from the store to bathe. They closed the case immediently because they were doing nothing wrong. Go far enough back and we all decend from someone who lived and raised children in a tent or a nomadic fashion, whats wrong with that? Im not going to be doing this forever or anything, but I do want to spend a little of the time Ive got left seeing things and enjoying the ride with my friends and son, hoping I make a few good memories, atleast through pictures for my son when hes older. Im lucky I have the people going with me that I do- people who love and care about my son like I do, and just all around good to get along with. Its stressful noe since I literally am moving today, but itll be over soon, and I can start getting shit ready to go and before I know it, itll be August and Ill be heading out. im really depressed leaving the springs behind but I hope I get to see shit just as awesome.
  14. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    Lol I checked this thread again just because I saw you posted- Im so stoned, and it all makes perfect sense.
  15. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    You know, I wanted to ask you something else, Malice, I thought of after smoking a little bud- if you were headed west, coming from the east coast, traveling more along 80, what along the way do you think would interest you to see? Have you ever thought of traveling? I mean, you get a check each month, if it didnt work out to do long term, Im sure youd be able to find another apaprtment with the assistance you get and your crazy check, so youve not got much to lose... is there anything thatd interest you that youd invest time and money to go see? A long while back you made mention of living out of a bus I think, converting it. Some people do take motorhomes, or campers and live out of them, sometimes years at the same rv park and sometimes just bouncing around staying until they are bored. I always thought that was a pretty cool way to live. while itd be great to live in a big nice house... what is it? Its a place to sleep, eat, and spend a little time to unwind... I love going and seeing new things, and especially being in nature and outside. I am one of those people who could sleep under the stars every night (especially tonight, its the summer solsctice and the moon is beautiful and bright and the sky is clear and its pretty cool compared to how its been most nights and during the day) and Ive done a lot of camping. The only thing that gets me camping is sleeping on the hard ground, but without too much expense I had pretty kick ass air matress I would say to this day, besides sleeping on a waterbed, was the most comfortable matress I ever slept on and it lasted me years until my father and grabdmother decided to let their dogs sleep on it (I love my dogs and a regular matress or couch, Im all for them sleeping on with me but not my air matress). I was so sad that fucking thing got a hole in it in a place it couldnt be patched- it had memory foam on top. That is one of my first purchases when I get up there, because no way can my ass handle hard ground with my back the way it is. being stoned as I am, I know Im wandering into left field here, but Ive been thinking a lot of the mistakes I made innlife were from taking the ultra safe choices... I look back and I see how my fear controlled me a bit and made it so hard to just do what it was I wanted in my heart... this may be a fuck up but there were worse choices on the table, and hopefully it works like its supoosed to.
  16. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    Malice, Ive always really apprciated your posts and a major part of why Ive stuck around here. Ive enjoyed our conversations and always taken your advice into account, and even advised others with information you have enlightened me to, when it was relevant. This is the last night in my house, the hell Ive lived for the last six years and while I believe youd be proud of how I managed my escaped of this place (I say escape because I really have felt trapped here for such a long time and even hopeless to ever getting out without bing straight up homeless on my ass, which fortunately I wont be, not by a long shot, nor will the animals I love and care about and have made a commitment to), I still am emotionally all fucked up over it. There are a few people in the area who really helped me and were a friend sometimes through shit when it got bad, my coworkers that helped me out, and the springs I live near that are so beautiful... I really am going to miss the cold clean clear water onnhot summer days... I had some good times with my dad here on the farm, when the farm actually worked, it was a very peaceful, fullfilling time.. having the goats, milking daily... There is a lot of broken dreams here, so in that respect it is good I am leaving.. I cant go outside a lot and look around because I just want to cry with all thats been lost, with all the memories that were and the ones that should have never been- Ill never be able to get rid of the sight of my horse rotting in the field as it rained, it about killed me and certainly killed part of my heart, a piece of me died then. There were good times too though... I just feel very melancoly about it all. Im cutting ties with Florida, moving to a state Ive never lived in before, dont know anyone at all... but atleast everyone is getting in the life raft with me and will be with me, safe and well taken care of and with someone wholl take good care of them when I do head west. I cant live where I am going... I mean, I could, but I have to see more.. my health ie so fucked, if I dont do it now I likely wont ever get the chance again.. I do plan to see a doctor before I go- I have toyed with the idea of trying to get nardil (do the just moved from out of state and need my meds thing, which isnt a lie and there are enough doctors in the area Im likely to find one wholl write it). Question, but when getting prescribed nardil, is there any contradiction eith klonopin and propranolol? I dont ever take kpins, but Id still like the script to sell if I can, and well... propranolol is certianly a good thing for me and my fucked heart- I believe I asked before about that and Im pretty sure there isnt a problem but I dont recall about klonopin. Anyway... I hope shit gets better than it has been. I hope I can just enjoy life instead of the fear and struggle and heartache-I need to get better and maybe a fresh start, nardil, and a trip across the country will help heal my soul. With shit going on, I likely wont post a bunch, not that I do much anyway, but.. wish me luck. Btw- how is the nardil been doing for you? It seems youve gotten in a depressed rut, but also youve seemed more... empatetic? I dont know but its hard to just gage from your posts how its working for you. As always, I wish you the best, Malice. Maybe when I get out west Ill see an autistic spic sprinting home with groceries and gay shoes and think 'oh shit! Ivejust seen a Malice in the wild!'
  17. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    Okay, lol, you dont even believe any of the shit anyway so wtf- can we get back to my road trip west with my imaginary child and friends please? Anyone who matters knows the shit for what it is anyway.
  18. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    Ive worked most my teen and adult life, never been fired and worked a couple for years at a time. You act like Ive never worked, and while §m£ÂgØL doesnt have a long work history, that isnt me. Ive had a sudden windfall, that has made it so working, atleast for now, isnt something I have to worry about. Im stressed now due to the move and all for my animals, but I am really ready for this. sometimes in lifr youve just got to do what you believe you should... everything else was a bad mistake might as well do what I feel in my heart to do.
  19. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    Also, my roommate, Ive never had anything but a platonic relationship with. Ive never had sex with or even a remote sexual experience with. Hes just a decent person out living life and ended up helping me a great deal.
  20. hydromorphone victim of incest [insincerely conduce my paisley]
    Well since you edited your post- Ive never wanted people to care for my dogs, Ive been doing that for years now. Sure, it makes life easier when ny husband was here to let them out while I was at work, I still let them out, still bathed them, fleaed them, abd gave them medicines and doctored them when they were sick or hurt. My son has been a challenge for me with work and stuggling to get by alone. I did need help, especially while working 60 hours a week and still just skimming by and I was lucky enough, being completly alone, only people watching my child were when I was at workand Id come home and get less then 2 hours alseep with him before work again. It was killing me, I had a heart attack, strss and other health problems going on. Im not ashamed to admit during all that I did need help then- most single mothers have some relative to help or take the baby once in a blue moon- I didnt have shit, no a single break until they stepped up to help me.
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