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Posts by hydromorphone
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2016-10-01 at 9:20 PM UTC in Setting up a hidden service.Last night, feeling like shit, this very question crossed my mind. I read a couple articles discussing, two of which were the links you provided.
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2016-10-01 at 10:39 AM UTC in Would you go to church for a girl?"Fuck that noise" is the correct answer to that but yeah... I've had to go to church for stupider reasons than getting pussy/dick. When I was 13 my dad held fast to the "fuck that noise" response (he said when he died, if the athestist weren't right, he was gonna shoot god in the face- often said to every christian that made it their duty to harass him about god) while I was forced to be drug along to church by my grandmother. I was in that Gothic phase (it REALLY pissed my mother off that I dressed the way I did which got me to cling to it in the first place) and I went armed with a satanic bible which was the source of many lulz. I baited many of these fuckers with the fact a friend of mine was a Satanist and when they would go about the atrocities in Satanism I'd pull that bitch out and offer to lend it to them so they could find out what was really inside rather than make up bullshit. They'd physically jump back like I pulled a king cobra from my backpack. Then I'd get on their ass about why if god and the bible are the only truth why they'd be so frightened of paper and ink. I was 13, didn't want to be there anyway, sleep deprived and drug against my will.. Do you blame me? (Southern Baptist church FYI). Got drug around to catholic, lutheran., seventh day adventist (nicest cult BTW), and many other christian churches all for the sake of my grandmother to "learn". Anyhow... No, I don't think you should have to rise early on a Sunday (or Saturday if its seventh day shit) and go listen to a sermon based on sandniggers who can't get along. If you must go... If this is A-1 pussay, Go to that church who supports marijuana use.. You can atleast get high while being forced to be there.
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2016-10-01 at 3:22 AM UTC in Real cokeIf you get powder than you're getting shit that has more baby laxative and Tylenol than coke. Good shit should be fish scale, that has a pearly color to it. How old are you? 12? 13?
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2016-10-01 at 3:17 AM UTC in crystal methIf you can't find this info without someone 'hooking you up' than you certainly are going to burn your house down.
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2016-10-01 at 3:14 AM UTC in Whatsap hackinglol. Try harder, faggot.
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2016-10-01 at 2:54 AM UTC in Depersion^ this. Best antidepressant on the market.
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2016-09-29 at 5:39 PM UTC in Wanting to scream for help that nobody can give meWell, its true. I've never spent money on H, trade, nor provided any services for such.
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2016-09-29 at 3:07 PM UTC in Wanting to scream for help that nobody can give meYou know I've been thinking.. I've never even spent a red cent on H either. Bphr was kind enough to send me my first bit to try and the other two times someone else bought it for me. So much for being some dope fiend. I wouldn't even know where to go cop some shit now, it'd be making phone calls to assholes who pretend to be clean sitting on a high horse and making it worth their while to score for me. Not worth the effort at all.
Enter, I've said it many times before in other threads. He has a really good personality. He's fun to be around, has good humor and wit. He's a good person. There are things I can't put into words about why I came to love him how I do, but its something with how we just hit it off and bounced things off one another. It all started from a friendship. Had that have not of been there nothing would have ever happened. Does that answer your question? -
2016-09-29 at 2:27 PM UTC in Wanting to scream for help that nobody can give meI am not on H. I have never been addicted to H and the times I have used H are a total of 3. Frankly, I dont even care for it and prefer T-PAIN.
Malice, for being a guy who usually gets their shit straight, you're way off. My whole family didn't do hard drugs regularly. Both myself and my father have/had diagnosed chronic pain with tons of shit to back up whybwe suffer with such. I am diagnosed with an anyurism among other aliments and I did have a heart attack in March (and believe I suffered another just a fee months ago but didn't go to the ER that round). My father was using T-PAIN at the time he died. Before that he was off anything for years. When his doctor bumped him off (DEA investigation into the doctor) he went a short period to wean off with dilaudid since he was knocked off cold turkey. Before that he never ever even bought a pill before and everything he did was entirely legal and prescribed. My family wasn't as poor as you think either. My grandmother was very shotty with handling money and after he died that's what really fucked shit up. Together they both had an income of 4k a month, plus other assets. They had no mortgages or other debts on their home. They also had a vehicle paid for that they bought new for 48k a few years before we got the farm (diesel pickup, they run forever).
My ex and I were poor. Since it was me struggling to care for a man child who refused to work and the farm coming to an end because my family refused to let me, the person who had done the homework and research into running such an opportation, make the proper decisions on it. They just passed blame for its failure onto me after they made decisions rooted in some fantasy of how shit should run and they being the ones who had the capital to get it going (barely) called all the shots.
Everyone is placing little imagined shit into this. Children aren't suffering, I don't have some huge drug addiction to multiple drugs and the one I do take is for my chronic pain and I have no trouble affording and other responsibilities in my life. I do what I have to do. Shit, if I wanted I could quit my jobs now and be taken care of without a worry in the world but I don't want to do that to these people. My son is going to be fine. The only difference in this is that I know I am dying. A gift/curse that most people dont have the luxury of knowing but it makes so much complicated for me but easier in some aspects. I don't want to die but someday soo. I will.. I just have to come to terms with that.
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2016-09-28 at 4:30 PM UTC in Cannabis grower who leaves loads of cash laying around? Trying to take it! Help?!I don't think you got the balls to pull it off. You need help and guess what? Family is gonna rat. This nigger might be so chill because he will do some dirty shit and your cousin will rat. I'm pretty chill too, but I got an evil streak when fucked with. Ever heard the saying 3 can keep a secret as long as 2 are dead? That's what this will boil down to. Fuck family. Family has its limits and she could break. She's gonna be suspected first or suspected to be in on it first. What's he gonna do to her? He hides on secret seemingly out in the open.. What skeletons lie in his closest and what sort of violent awful acts is this man capable of? Also.. You dropped a lot of details here. How many big weed dealers with a set up like you describe (being a 3 gen farmer, covering with lwgit crops and mushies... Among others) are in new York? How do you think your stolen bike is gonna help you in this? He also might have cameras you dont know about. A lot of people are lax and show off money when they got big brothers all around them and you'd never know.
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2016-09-28 at 1:24 PM UTC in ADL Lists Pepe Meme as 'Hate Symbol' on par with Swastika and TotenkopfAnything in the right context can be racist. Fucking stupid. This is why I hate jedis.
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2016-09-28 at 11:04 AM UTC in Wanting to scream for help that nobody can give meMalice, you're correct, I'm not attractive, at least I don't feel that way. I've plenty of people who are good looking men with other good qualities who'd beg to differ, but it really doesn't matter if I am a beauty queen or ugly as sin... I am who I am. Do you care if you're seen as handsome or beautiful? I don't think so, and if that is the case then we share something in common. I don't want to be in a relationship or find someone to have sex with so my physical appearance doesn't really matter..
Spec, I want to say that I appreciate your post. It ment well. I'm not trying to blame anyone but myself. Its my fault I was with such a shithead for so long, had a child and all that. I accept the responsibility. I am doing everything I can to tie up loose ends before I die. My health is shit and there isn't much hope or it to get better. Ive done everything I can to hold shit together and not be a mooch off these people I'm with. On the outside everything is okay its the inside... I'm scared of dying but want the pain to atop and no I'm not talking about something mental I'm talking about the physical chronic pain I live with and have for some time now. Things have gotten worse in every aspect. I'm falling apart. I'm just clinging on to so what I have to for my child. -
2016-09-28 at 4:46 AM UTC in picture and video data questionSooo... What was in the picture? Also, PMs don't work or are very hit or miss around these parts and have been for a long time now (Lanny... Come on now, not being able to PM niggas sucks.)
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2016-09-28 at 4:31 AM UTC in Wanting to scream for help that nobody can give meYay! Something works around here!! Thanks, Malice.
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2016-09-28 at 4:29 AM UTC in Wanting to scream for help that nobody can give meThis tread is about my crushing depression, piss poor health, and isolation I feel despite being around so many people who care for me.
The discussion about my ex was to emphasize why he isn't an option for my son to be with. I don't care if a man raises a child. My father raised me and believe in some cases they can be the better parent- just not ny ex who was (and probably still is) a rapist, child molester, thief, manipulative shitbag.
I struggle mentally. My financial situation and living situation are really good at this point. My son is in a very good place and I am blessed that he is surrounded by such loving and caring individuals. I'm glad I've got a lot of stress free time to spend with him and I cherish every moment since I know my time on this earth is very short. I don't want to die. I don't want to say goodbye to my son... A lot of the stress comes from shit I'm having to do to prepare for the inevitable.
BTW Malice, at one point I did use speech to text but haven't in a long while. Even then, I never used it to post here, just emails when my hands were full but I wanted to reply when shit was still on my mind and change a diaper, do laundry or fix dinner. Now I live here if I need ny hands free all I have to do is walk in the living room with the baby and one of them always asks to take him and I don't even need to ask. It can be a useful tool but I hate when it fucks up and texts something different than I meant.
I clicked the A at the top so to see if that works for paragraphs. (I believe I tried that a long while ago and it didn't work but I can't remember.)
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2016-09-27 at 9:54 AM UTC in Wanting to scream for help that nobody can give meAnd fuck you all. I can't help that every time I make a post it blocks it up- blame Lanny. I use paragrahs, goddamn it. Read it or don't, I don't care, but I'm too tired and going to see about a little sleep before I get up go take care of the 3 infants in this fucking house. I
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2016-09-27 at 9:40 AM UTC in Wanting to scream for help that nobody can give meDude, I have my son right here with me and he spends a great deal of time being showered with love, kisses and his little cheeks being pinched off his pour face by these old people that don't have grandkids of his own or can't even see their grandkid because her son is such an asshole. I'm not on heroin (yes, to avoid wds from T-PAIN, I did use some a long while back, but frankly shit sucks and have no use for it). I work, I actually have 2 jobs now. 3 if you consider I practically am a live in nurse for two elderly people. When I'm home if I'm not changing a diapers Im changing bandages, fetching beers and bottles and emptying piss jugs. I hide out in my room as much as possible. Both jobs I've have are cushy, easy and don't involve much human contact. (I just started my second job and only because a friend of a friend needed some part time help at her business). Both jobs are salary. This leaves me with a lot of free time since its easy a fuck to just bust ass, get it done and get paid. I do not sleep on a couch. I have my own bedroom and so does my son but he mostly sleeps with me or a lot lately he's been falling asleep with the old people while I'm at work so they just take him to bed with them because they are over protective and worriers who don't think him being so young he should be left alone in a room by himself at night (I foresee attachment issues down the line and a fight to sleep in his own bed but ah well... I was that way too. I am not against men raising kids. Shit, my dad raised me and I'm the last person alive to say anything against a dad raising a child. If §m£ÂgØL wanted custody of my son, I would be open to that. Shit, when things were bad, I tried to make his parents aware of the situation so they'd finally know and so if they wanted custody we could have worked toward that. Look.. §m£ÂgØL may be young and immature dependency wise and not be where most his age are, but I've always spoke up for the good person he is regardless of what grounds we were on. §m£ÂgØL would really make a wonderful father and be a good influence on a kid. I've seen him with my son and other kids before and I can't think of many people who are so good with kids as he is. I know that at this age he doesn't want the burden of a child to rear and he feels unable or that he wouldn't be good at it, but I see a very kind, loving, nurturing person who would excell at being in a child's life as a parent. Nobody is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. Should §m£ÂgØL be more into adulting at this age? Yes, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't be a good influence on a child or not care for them and if he did right now of course he would need family support but he seems to have a pretty tight family anyway. Now for the father on the Birth certificate... I got onto a relationship with him very early in life (16) when he was much older (22). I was heavily manipulated by him and forced into a lot of shit situations by him. Yes, I made plenty of mistakes but until the gravy train ran out on him and he couldn't loaf about any longer, it was impossible to get that shit head to leave. He felt entitled to say in my home without paying rent EVER while I worked and he made excuses why he couldn't find work. Manipulation included threatening to kill himself if we left, never being with anyone else (I did care about him despite not wanting a relationship to continue) and sobbing about dying alone and how much he loved me, how special I was (yep, I was special until I refused to support his ass any longer), and how he could never love another. I allowed the situation to grow until I felt trapped by the burdens that were placed around me. I felt unable to leave for a lot and when I did just throw my hands in the air the faggot would t leave. Fuck the only reason he did end up leaving was because I had to pay his sorry ass way for him to go mooch off his father. He wanted to be on the birth certificate and be a 'father' but did none of the things to support. I worked through the majority of my pregnancy and couldn't even have him do a fee chores while at work. When the baby came he still wouldn't go find work and made excuses. He said he would send support when he got a job out there but that never happened. Apparently he thinks its the responsibility of the mother and court to hint him down when the court is there to COMPELL, not be the only way a father can be there. He moved to the other side of the country and still though somehow he could have visitations when childaupport caught up to him (he could have but that would require him to come where I am at). He wanted this child so that he could receive Medicaid in florida and thought that this would seal in stone that I could never leave him. It backfired. Despite me not being truly in love with him (and I said it many times over the years.. I never tried to delude him to think my love was some deep undying thing though I did genuinely care for him and worry about his wellbeing but that faded the more and more I saw that I was just being used) I would have stayed with him had he just have pulled his share of the burden and been a decent human being... I let him get away with a lot... He convinced me I had some sleep disorder and would 'wake up' all over him for sex. Toward the end he tried to manipulate me further when I said I was done and we were just going to be separate and work to raise this child. He for mad because he went through my phone and seen I had been sexting and sending pics to §m£ÂgØL (which I full disclosed that is being apart ment that I could go fuck or engage sexually with whomever I wanted he just didn't think I actually would do anything at first) and then flipped his shit. Being a new mom I felt really helpless and needed some support so he threatened he was gonna up and go leaving g me alone and at first I panicked and and made me say that I'd be with him exclusively. Okay.. But I said it on the condition that I wasn't having sex. He agreed and then said he wanted to just sleep next to me.. I grudgingly agreed and laid there pretending to fall asleep. He kept poking and prodding me but I just played possum because I didn't want to have sex and wanted to see what he was going to do. I do sleep hard so it's not far fetched for mebto sleep through shit he tried to do. I let he go until I caught his ass undeniably raping me. He moved me and contorted me and rammed his cock in me. I jumped up then and flipped the fuck out on his ass and he still tried to say I STARTED IT! Wtf I know damn well that night I didn't do shit but stay limp and with my eyes closed pretending to have fell asleep quick and plus there was the whole deal of no sex anyway. I realize now the way he tried to defend his actions that the shit he did to me before was rape as well (he claimed for 6 years that I would come on to him in my sleep because I'd wake up with cum in between my legs and not remember anything.. Sometimes I'd have little blips of a nightmare or what I thought was a sex dream not going for the shit and he claimed that this was all me, trying to fuck him or tease him. So I told him that if I did it again to just leave. It bothered me to wake up unable to remember what happened and I felt like I was being raped and having anxiety and fear from it. He'd just make more excuses that I would yell at him for leaving or whatever so of course he couldn't leave... I hated sleeping in the same bed worried I'd wake to cum between my legs unable to recall what happened. This never happened with §m£ÂgØL. And he never said that I acted like this in my sleep- worst I'd do is hog the blankets and steal his pillow.) My ex is also a convicted child molester. He raped a 6 year old little girl when he was 15 years old. He had told me about an incident that was supposidly expunged when he was 12-13 years old. His account was that the little girl walked into the bathroom while he was masturbating and she touched his penis(bear in mind his whole family is a bunch of sexual abusers too. His grandparents are married because his grandfather raped his grandmother and she was from a background that you marry the first man you have sex with. His mother's uncle raped her for several years along with her cousin. I believe some of his aunts were sexually abused as kids too. His aunt molested him, my ex, as a child and had a garden hose shoved up his ass at 8 which relsuted in a hospital visit supppisidly nearly killing him and was known about by thw whole family though there was no investigations into his abuse. He claimed his firat sexual experience was in kindergarten where he penetrated another girl with his penis- I took into account that he was a person who had a fucked up childhood and probably didnt see something wrong with a simple 'touch' at that time. Now when I found out the recorded account, the account the he plead guilty to when he was 18 was that he violently raped this little girl. He claimed that he signed the confession without reading it. Before I realized how he was abusing me in my sleep and putting it off on me like I was the person who was doing wrong, I was inclined to believe him, but I realized also at the end that EVERYTHING and I mean everything he told me was a lie. He had no honor or morality. He is a psychopath I believe because he is very good at manipulating people into doing what he wants, making excuses and getting his way. I'll give him this, he could sell ice to Eskimos. I have no doubt that if my son were involved in his life he would be physically and sexually abused at some point. Especially if involved with his family as its proven that they have a whole incestually thing going on with a cycle of abuse. Shit. His mother, and I've witnessed this first hand, would talk about all her lesbian sex life in extreme detail. Shit as a person not related to her I wouldn't want to hear but shed subject her sons and daughter and anyone else she could make listen and laugh about it when any of her kids would say "ew mom I don't want to hear that" and continue on with more. In some way that is a forum of abuse. Shed so it in places like driving where nobody could even leave and get some sick pleasure out of it. It was weird. Who describes in detail getting their pussy ate out with their sons and young daughter present just out of the blue? Toward the end he actually grabbed my son by he's neck and we got in a big fight when I protected him. He was going to kill him or so he said. He then made threats about stirring shit with dfs because I smoked pot. I bidded my time since he was leaving in a few days. He stole a bunch of shit before he left too which was lovely. Sack of shit couldn't leave without my dime and threatened then to make shit for me if I cancelled the ticket to which I had decided shortly after offering that I needed my money for my child. Then he stole more because the ticket he bought was more than I first anticipated even spending. He is a waste of life. He is an abuser. He is a manipulator and fits all the traits of a psycho/sociopath. He's very likeable to most people at first and easy to get along with and my god can he spin a web... Maybe I have my faults but that nigger is just used to hiding and pretending to be a perfect person. Thank godhe got caught early so at least there is a red flag for others.. But most the time they find it its too late and he's already got them under his thumb. Sure he always comes out and tells his story to most people that way if it pops up they aren't thrown for a loop and shun him instantly (most people will sympathize with a victim of abuse who had a 'play doctor' encounter in their childhood but you don't see he was 15 and outright rape this child until you read deeper) but live with him long enough and be careful and you'll catch him in all sorts of stupid lies. It wouldn't surprise me if he was fucking kids behind by back. I don't know that he was nor do I think he did but with all his other deceptive behavior (lying about shit he didn't even have to and getting caught if I did just a little bit of investigating) I often wonder what else he hid from me that I never found out about. He may not of since he had me to fuck like a puppet in my sleep. Meh... Who knows. I am alive today just to ensure that fucker won't ever lay a hand on that child's head again. I'm just tying up lose ends at this point. I love my son more than anything in this world. I would do anything for him. I will protect him and set him up as best as I can before my time on this earth comes to an end.
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2016-09-26 at 10:17 AM UTC in Wanting to scream for help that nobody can give meToday is the day that there will be a turning point. Ibdont even know ifI can manage to do it. I've spent so much trying to distract from today. God I'm scared.
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2016-09-26 at 10:15 AM UTC in Wanting to scream for help that nobody can give me§m£ÂgØL hates me so much, a little while back I gave him everything he needed to shoot me down in flames. So much ammo... So many critical strike bullets. Half of me hoped he would do it, just pull that trigger. I surrender everything I am to who I love. Its just a matter of all I am not being worth a damn. The same fear that makes him hate me is the same fear that kept him from pulling the trigger.
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2016-09-26 at 10:09 AM UTC in Wanting to scream for help that nobody can give meMy son has been the responsibility I speak of that is part of the on going reasoning in my head. I believe he is going to grow up motherless anyway, despite anything I do or don't do. My health is poor. I've lost 40-50lbs in 2 months. Im fat and always have been, but I've alway been a very strong fatass. When §m£ÂgØL met me I weighed and usually was about 250 my whole adult life and he could vouche that for as large as I was/am, I never ate excessively even when I was pregnant I was pawning off my plate and guiltimg him into finishing it because I couldnt. The only time I ever lost a significant amount of weight was when I was doing the trailriding gig and farrier work but I could never break under 200 despite me eating next to nothing but painkillers, but I was solid muscle at that time, far stronger than I am now. Last I weighed I was 170. I was 210 in Florida. I seizured a handful of times since being here. I pass out and have dizzy spells everyday. My chest pain has just become normal. Eating is hard. I feel out of it a lot. I've taken up drinking for a bit just because eh.. Wtf. Though I've toned it down a bit. If I were to be diagnosed with cancer I wouldn't be surprised. When talking with §m£ÂgØL, and explaining some of this shit to him I sent him a pic of me to show how much Ive been wasting. He said I looked terrible- I know that. I feel terrible too. I have an aortic anyerisum and I've completely stopped taking my propranolol (ran out and it stopped helping much with the chest pain)... Everything is complicated and fucked up. I haven't offed myself solely because my son needs me badly now and there are things I need to do to prepare him so he has a good life when I am gone. Ibwas being selfish and I tried killing myself when I first arrived before shit got so bad but I'm a failure. I really thought almost 2grams of propranolol, several somas and other shit mixed would do it but I just woke up with one hell of a hangover feeling and chest pain. No ER involved thankfully. I think I had another heart attack shortly after that too, but so muchbshit happened I never got taken to the ER because of assholes and their bullshit. I've had pneumonia 4 times this year. I just see my health deteriorating further. I don't know why I give a fuck about maintaining 'hope'... If only y'all knew the half of this shit...