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Posts by hydromorphone
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2017-01-08 at 10:34 PM UTC in Did white people evolve white skin to camouflage with the snow?
Originally posted by -SpectraL
That's a wonderful thing to be captured. Props to that nigga. -
2017-01-08 at 8:27 PM UTC in I need the totse armyyeah, I've never heard of dutch braids before either... looks like a french braid or some variant, if you ask me. Not being able to see the girl's face or other body structure, I'd say she's likely around 9-12. She might be slightly younger though.
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2017-01-08 at 4:21 PM UTC in The Hygiene MythThis is true. I agree with this, and I only use conditioner for my hair as well. I do use a mild body scrub though. As far as antiperspirants go, I can't wear them, because I get sick if I cannot sweat (and I think most people, especially if they work physically demanding jobs) would feel better if they refrained from using them, though I do use perfumes and deodorants.
With babies, this again is true, and it's been shown in studies that babies born via cesarean section have higher rates of rates of health problems, including but not limited to skin conditions, and respiratory conditions. It's one reason I avoided going to the hospital to deliver my son (besides the fact hospitals are dirty places full of sick people) so I wouldn't be pressured into a cesarean or have one done without my consent in the event of emergency (I do not personally believe having surgery that requires me to be fully sedated), because they work like a restaurant, wanting to turn tables, and expect mothers who are in labor to deliver in a 12 hour time frame (which for most, isn't realistic), often employing pictocin, which causes unnaturally strong and long contractions, which often leads to the baby going into distress and the doctor insisting they need to do an emergency c-section. This is why America has such a high rate of c-sections compared to other countries, such as the UK.
The baby, born with all that goopy stuff, should have it rubbed into the babies skin, rather than wiped off and bathed. That's what I did with my son. -
2017-01-06 at 7:38 AM UTC in Well fam, I've decided to double down and have a fam
Originally posted by Bill Krozby ^lol you're a total ass hat , hydro, your babies daddy would text me in the middle of the night crying like a lil bitch saying how you are a heroin addict and keep him away from "baby" I feel really sorry that he lost his virginity and had his first kid to a mannish pig like you. And also he said you held a gun up to his candy ass. I'm not surprised, you both tell me things then the other one denies it.
And my daughters mother didn't do that, she said she was cool with me not paying child support anymore, and she even waived off the 1k or so I owed her for back pay, fucktard.
So again you're a "lady" talking about "marriage" something she's never done before, quit talking out of your ass!
You even bitch about how §m£ÂgØL "got of the hook" and doesn't pay anything, well thats because some bitches are stupid. derpadew!
and the thing is §m£ÂgØL is never ever going to see his kid, even with my daughter if she ever wanted to talk to me ( i saw her a couple months ago) what would §m£ÂgØL say? oh you were conceived in a pure moment up oozieness when i was hanging out with the nu-manson family, i had a dick up my ass and my dick in a cunt… sounds really pleasant..
Post last edited by Bill Krozby at 2017-01-03T23:45:29.516547+00:00
LOL I'm the asshat here? Well, I'm not the one spinning lies and hyperbole. I know for a fact "my baby's daddy" would not spend the night texting you I am a heroin addict (and for the record, I'm not). If you're going to say shit, then at least get the facts straight, but you're so retarded, you're not capable of doing that. You're either too retarded to read, or you're one of those people so desperate for attention that they pretend to know everything and be intimately involved so they can brag. I think it's both, to be honest.
As for the past, I've owned up to my mistakes, and if anyone cares enough for the truth, they can read through my posts to find it, but what you have said here, and several times before is entirely inaccurate or twisting the truth. You aren't worth the time a reciting again, as I have before, because frankly, you don't care. All you care about is acting like an uneducated retard, who creates controversy for LULZ, because your life is sad as that.
Here is a very important thing to understand about children: If you cared about your daughter, you would have simply done what you could for her to have the best life you could give her with no expectation of anything for yourself, since you brought her in this world. It's not about whether her mother wants child support or not, it's about doing the right thing for your child (and BTW, you could still do the right thing even though you're not legally compelled to do so). It's clear you don't care about anybody other than yourself though. Every time you bring up a girl, a friend, or someone, it's always about what they do for you, how much they want you or to be around you, or what they give you. You thrive and crave to be wanted, accepted, granted, most people do, but the difference with you is, it's always going to be a one way street with you. You EXPECT to get something out of the relationship with your own daughter, and feel justified to have it because you were paying child support. That's not normal, or even fair to the little girl, and when you didn't get what you felt entitled to, and the opportunity arose to rid yourself of the situation, that's what you did- that's what you always do with your relationships. If you don't get something from it or get it to the level you feel is worth your time or involvement, you want absolutely nothing to do with it, same as what happened with your child.
Sadly, that cycle will likely happen with your soon-to-be wife, and newest child. Right now, as stated in your post, you go on and on about what this will do for YOU. Not them, not something mutually beneficial, but for you. Marriage, or any serious relationship is about a give and a take, and striking a balance. Even while dealing with friends this is the case, and yeah, sometimes there comes a point when a friend can't for whatever reason give as they were, and need more from you as a friend- healthy people take the good with the bad and look at the long term, not just "Oh shit, she isn't giving me drugs anymore, and now she wants something from me... I better drop this shit, quick!" You just aren't emotionally mature enough to see it, or smart enough to understand it.
And because I am a lady, and I've never made the gross mistake of marriage with an unfit partner, in a time in my life that would have made the situation worse, it's talking out my ass? I may not have signed the papers, nor gone through the legal process to become married, but I do feel I know quite a bit about it, along with what a serious, committed relationship is, which ultimately IS what marriage is, or is supposed to be about anyway. I was pressured a great deal to get married, and I see exactly why now- to use me, and sink his teeth into me even further. I was with that man for 11 years of my life and supported him for the majority of the entire engagement. He was like you in the way that he was leech, user, and clung to people for what he could use them for, the way you're doing with this girl and her family.
I'm not going to say every marriage is a bad thing, nor that everyone who gets married is stupid, but for the vast majority who do these days, it is. I could only every marrying someone I loved, after being in a very serious relationship with them that was healthy, then only if it would benefit the both of us in a strong way, to do so- and I really cannot think of a situation that would merit doing that. At best, most marriages are social contracts which announce a strong and serious love in a traditional way, and at worst they are familial trappings which are constructed to make it incredibly hard to escape without difficulty, socially and family judgement- not to mention a great deal of upheaval for children involved most times. If two people love each other, it shouldn't have to come down to signing a legal document to announce love, rather the relationship should speak for it's self. The reasons you're marrying this girl are entirely the wrong reasons, and plus, you barely even know this girl in the great scheme of things, and she barely knows you- so you're just going to fucking marry her after getting her pregnant? That is the most retarded reason to ever get married.
As for §m£ÂgØL, he's seen my son, and could any time he desires. He's also put more toward the welfare of that child than you have for the entirety of your child's life so far, and I am grateful and have a lot of respect for him for that, and he's not been compelled legally to do right by a child like you have.
I think it's funny that the way you try to insult me is with lies and manipulating the facts, along with cheap insults to boot. I am a strong, and sincere woman, who is seen well enough by others, and despite my personal self esteem issues, I am considered beautiful, and attractive by men far out of your league, both physically, and socioeconomically, to give a shit what you, or anyone else thinks on this forum, about my physical looks, or the sincere heart I have.
If like you, want to see the bad in people, and present and exaggerate their flaws, then that's all people like you will ever see. On the other hand, there are those, both here, and in real life who see me for who I truly am. Which do you think I care about? Certainly not you, or those like you. My post was my opinion, coupled with the best advice anyone could give you, and if your friends or family truly cared, or aren't completely retarded, they'd give you this advice too- more so than you, I hope others take it to heart too. If taken it will save you (or others reading in the same situation) a lot of trouble and heartache, and for your girlfriend's sake, I hope she decides to avoid that nightmare (giving her the benefit of the doubt that she's not a total piece of shit like you)- I cannot see it ending anyway good with your personality, lack of work ethic, selfish nature, much less your criminal history/obligations. If you do get married though, I'm sure it will bring great LULZ to the community, and I look forward to laughing at your sorry plight- just remember, I tried to warn you.
Originally posted by reject 2 terrible parents, neither of whom are fit to have kids, arguing over who is worse. What a forum we post on.
If I had a kid I'd trust schplew to look after it over either of you.
At least he'd just leave it outside and neglect it, Hydro would rent it out for a bag of heroin and Bill Krozby would try to fuck it
LOL I've never neglected, or would sell or put my baby in danger for any reason, much less a selfish reason like drugs. My child has always had everything he needs, and I've gone out of my way and sacrificed much to provide him with the best for his nutritional needs and overall well being. (raw goat milk isn't cheap- talk 10-12$ a gallon). Again, just like Bill Krozby, always wanting to distort the truth, make unfounded assumptions, and try to highlight how bad of a mother I am just because I medicate with a legal drug for the chronic pain I suffer which allows me to keep providing for my child. I even had my son at home, forgoed all the drugs I would have been given/prescribed, to have him at home, for his well being, because his health and happiness has been paramount to me (Agree with my choices or not, my intent for everything was for my son's well being and happiness). My child has always come first. I've had to make hard choices, and of course I am not perfect, nor the typical mother, but my life has revolved around doing everything in my power to give this child not only what he needs, but the love, dedication, and a mother who strives to be the best she can be for him, that he deserves. Sure, he could have been born into a better life, with better parents who are more financially well off than I am, but at least he has someone who tries to do everything she can to make his life as best as she can and thinks through every choice with him as her first, and most important priority, and at least he has a mother who loves him with every fiber of her being and would do anything to make this child happy- sadly, there are a lot of children who don't have that and sorely need, and wish they had a parent such as that.
It doesn't matter what you think of me, and I know that you and others pick at those things because you know it's an easy, cheap shot, in an attempt to hurt me, and I can't lie and say it hasn't bothered me before, as I know I am no perfect mother (no parent is), and like all good parents, I struggle with being overly critical of myself, and saddened by not being well off to shower my child with financial wealth, but I do know what kind of mother I am, and it is terribly far from the mother you describe and think of me as. Not just me, but a lot of people IRL know what kind of mother I am, and I've been praised for my hard work and dedication in light of the struggles I've faced, and everyone who knows my son, and knows me, sees only a good dedicated parent, trying to do the best she can for a child she loves dearly.
Bill Krozby can't even form a retort against this because he's never done anything remotely parental in his life, much less raised a child, or put anything above himself. -
2017-01-06 at 2:17 AM UTC in Zoklet archive
Originally posted by aldra you of all people should know it's not possible to shame someone who does not feel shame, spectral
This.
Who gives a fuck who fucks cats but you? (I don't really care if he did or not, but wasn't it a long running troll anyway?) Plus, he's the one who's mentioned it, and brought it up anyway. I'm sure if he could be shamed by it or feel embarrassment from it, he wouldn't have posted about it in the first place. Troll or not, it's pretty funny. (I dislike cats very much). -
2017-01-03 at 4:53 PM UTC in T-PAIN Synthesis?A drug addicted mother, no matter how I justify it to myself? Hmm... You kinda want to make a box there, don't you, so if I do have legitimate health problems that warrant use of drugs, so I can continue working to support my child, it's just "justifying" and will continue to look horrible to you to fit the narrative you'd like to see about me. That's what I think, there.
Yes, I am going to be honest with my child. Telling him the truth, and being honest is not going to have him end up in prison or with serious psychological problems. Plenty of parents lie to their children and see them end up in prison/bad situations in their life, and I think it's a part of the problem. More than being honest, I'm going to do everything in my power to encourage my child to embrace learning, education, and being the best person he can be. I plan to be honest, and see me for the good and bad, so he hopefully can avoid making the mistakes in life I've made- many parents think lying somehow will accomplish this, but... I don't see how it does and usually ends up with a child in the same boat as the parent, or worse in the end.
Why do I want to synth T-PAIN? Knowledge is power. I value knowledge, it's something nobody can strip from you. They can take away degrees, they can steal your livelihood, but nobody can take away knowledge you have. I don't seriously plan on making T-PAIN (I don't know, maybe one day I will), but knowing all I can about it, serves me better than knowing less.
The only thing I can agree with you is your last line about contraception. I made a terrible mistake here, and dealt with an overwhelming pressure to have a child with my ex in a fucked up situation where I was being manipulated and used. I own my mistake, and I don't plan on every making it again. I currently have a copper IUD, which is good for a decade, and doesn't fuck with my head hormonally as many contraceptives do. I want my child to grow up and be my sole focus to inspire and encourage him to reach the stars and beyond. I want my son to go on and be far better than I was and avoid the fucked up mistakes I've made, and I believe education and honesty are the foundation to achieving that. -
2017-01-03 at 4:32 PM UTC in I am very smart
Originally posted by Bill Krozby ^get tuff faggot
and you can't kill me for using it because I was actually part of the get tuff crew, faggot
ROFLMAO "I was actually part of the get tuff crew" like that's something to be proud of. *face palm* Jesus, I can't make this shit up. -
2017-01-03 at 4:21 PM UTC in Well fam, I've decided to double down and have a famMarriage is one of the stupidest things ever. You know, I never legally got married. I called him my husband because we got together and my grandmother's church had shit about us "living in sin" so it became second nature to just say we were married. We were together a total of 11 years anyway. It made a lot of situations easier to just pretend we were married, and made HIM feel better to say he had a wife (now I know that's because he felt ownership over me). Socially the title of husband/wife made it sound like we were more mature, and got less shit, and it did help to some degree with finding work in a shitty christian town. The smartest thing I ever did was not marrying that asshole though. From what I've heard, he already got married to another girl, not even being together a year, like the retard he is. He always wanted to marry me, and tried every which way to pressure me to, and I am so glad I didn't cave.
Marriage is for fools. At least when I was able to get out my my shit situation that was hard enough to escape without being married, I didn't have to deal with that bullshit of dealing with divorce.
I feel sorry for your girlfriend, Bill Krozby. I'm sure she's confused, and scared being pregnant to a idiot like you, and likely, with social and family pressures, feels like marrying you will help the situation. Hopefully she gets a wake up call. I genuinely hope, more for this poor girl, and unborn child's sake, things work out. I just don't foresee you doing the right thing by any child. You could have toughed it out, and paid your child support, and spent your lawyer fees on getting visitation/bettering your daughter's life, rather than legally disowning the poor kid, but you didn't, so I have no faith, nor respect for you doing the right thing for any child. It all sounds good now, because you think you're in love with the girl/trying to make the best of a bad thing, and trying to hedge your bet so you won't be paying child support again.yet again, Bill Krozby, you think you will go on with little to no fallout from the situation, while the child and mother are the one's fucked over royally...
I'll tell you a secret though. When you marry a girl, and have a baby with them, they are more likely to hold onto your ass, and rip you for every red cent you have in a divorce/custody/child support case than just let it go, like your daughter's mother did. When you marry a woman, they're going to feel more ownership to you, and I promise you you won't get out of this one so easy and paying far more in the end. You're gonna be regretting this marriage before long, all because of the little things you fail to see about it now. I hope I'm wrong though, I sincerely mean that.
Post last edited by hydromorphone at 2017-01-03T16:24:07.081261+00:00 -
2017-01-03 at 3:55 PM UTC in T-PAIN Synthesis?
Originally posted by reject Sometimes it's ok to lie. Not every truth needs to be known.
I don't agree with this statement. What does lying do? It certainly doesn't make anything better. If I lie about everything, and weave this story of being the best mother, in the loveliest home, with my child receiving the best education, it doesn't make it so. I am honest because I work with what I got, and I want to make the best of that I can, and do the best I can with that, and if I lie, I certainly don't learn anything. -
2017-01-03 at 3:51 PM UTC in I have a problem with a boyI can attest to Bill Krozby's shit-tier athletic abilities. There are down syndrome kids who master it better. He doesn't care about facts, or what someone actually says, he cares about making hyperbole, and thinks he's cool with his derpedew shit.
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2017-01-03 at 3:37 PM UTC in T-PAIN Synthesis?You know, I don't think my son being born dependent (for all I know, he may not have been- again, he never showed any signs whatsoever)is a good thing, or something I don't feel bad about. Don't confuse my honesty of the situation for no remorse or wishing things could have been done more ideally. If I could have, I would have been 100% clean through my pregnancy, and this pregnancy wasn't something planned either- I would have never consciously got pregnant at that time in my life, for many reasons, including the drugs I was/am dependent on. Strictly from the perspective of my own health and well being, it wasn't a good thing. I did my best to bring my child in this would healthy and happy though, and no matter what you all can say about me, I succeeded.
I tell it how it is, and I don't sugar coat it. I don't plan to sugarcoat it to my son, either. Being dishonest does him, nor me any service. I know my child was born healthy, I know he is healthy, and developing just fine. There are things I could have done better, and things I could have done worse.
As for being sick and having nausea, goggle Hyperemesis gravidarum. It is not simply 'morning sickness' or 'nausea'. I literally lost 20lbs throughout my pregnancy (I lost about this in the first 3 months, and just maintained from there), and was vomiting every single day, and could not eat hardly anything. The first 6 months, 99% of what I did eat did come back up, and after that, I had no appetite on the rare moment I wasn't sick. The anti-nausea medications did not help (sort of why people who have cancer smoke pot, because pot helps with nausea AND appetite) and had side effects. CBD oil hadn't occurred to me at the time, either. I can promise you this, I wish I had, or found something else (ginger is laughable in my situation, don't think I didn't try it, including pressure points), because I was not fond of having to smoke pot every single day, and somehow force myself to go to work as sick as I was. I would have loved to have been able to save the money, and I hate being at work stoned- if I smoke pot recreationally, I want to do it at home, after work. I certainly didn't do it for shits and giggles. If I hadn't been forced to keep working the entirety of my pregnancy, things may very well have been different. I was in a rock and a hard place as far as that went.
You know, you all give me shit, but I could have been here from go, and lied my ass off, telling of this perfect, ideal mother who did everything perfect and ideal. Does lying about it help anyone, including my child? No, it doesn't. I want to do the best I can for my child, and lying does nothing but feed my ego, and my child is worth so much more than that. -
2017-01-02 at 12:56 AM UTC in T-PAIN Synthesis?First: No, I did not give up my son. I still have him, and he's doing fine. He's a very good baby, an I am blessed to have such a child as him. He's growing into such a sweet, empathetic, lovely child. He's definitely going to be a momma's boy lol. One of the greatest things in the world are having my little sweetie fall asleep on my stomach with me, all snuggled close and sweet.
Second: I was breastfeeding for the first 6 months. I began to dry up from the stress my ex-husband put me through (and other shit at the time), and by 3 months I started doing half and half, breast feeding as much as possible, and substituting with goat milk. One thing people don't realize, which I came to learn from having multiple diary animals I cared for and milked, once an animal begins to dry up, it's incredibly hard to get them back up in production. Many dairy animals are now bred for show, rather than their practical application, and longevity is not so important as it once was- I speculate, the way our society has become, many woman face the same issues in being able to produce long term, as well as maintain adequate production. I feel terrible I was unable to continue breastfeeding fulltime, and had to stop with work, all together. I made every effort to continue breastfeeding, but for me, it wasn't happening. I really did enjoy it and feel a great deal of guilt and shame I couldn't continue longer. At first I felt terrible I was having spontaneous orgasms when he was nursing, but yeah... what can ya do? I had no attraction for my son nursing, but it happened. It actually is pretty common to happen with woman breastfeeding.
Third: I used T-PAIN throughout my pregnancy, and while breastfeeding. I did a good deal a research into it, and feel that there to be no reason to worry. Why I chose to continue using T-PAIN during my pregnancy was because I felt the stress of withdrawaling off a drug I'd been on for a great length of time would prompt serious complications, potentially causing a miscarriage, and/or undo stress on the growing fetus. There was ongoing studies I found related to use of T-PAIN in pregnant woman and evidence being gathered indicated it was safe. You all should note that many pregnant woman are kept on all sorts of psychiatric drugs during pregnancy with little to no ill effect.
I smoked pot throughout, due to having hyperemisis gravidarum. I lost 20lbs. throughout my pregnancy, never gaining a single pound in the entire 9 months. Before experiencing this, I was abstaining from it. I could barely eat. I had great concern over the use of low dose anti-psychotic medication (along with me having side effects from it as well) to control nausea, and had no appetite in the entirety of my pregnancy. Without pot, I'd likely have lost even more weight. My son was born healthy, lively, and a respectable weight, with no complications for either of us, at home. I used dilaudid, and oxycodone in low dose to control pain after giving birth for the first 3 days- nothing different than if I had been in a hospital. A friend of mine was given 4 times the dosage of opiates I was using for 3 months after her son was born, so this isn't something unheard of, and it's quite common for mother's to be given opiate medication after birth, while breastfeeding.
Through my experience with being dependent on a drug that is related to opiates, I believe why my son never faced any sort of withdrawals is because I was able to breastfeed, and he was slowly tapered in doing that. Mother's who have babies born dependent on methadone aren't allowed to breastfeed, even though they are aware the child is also physically dependent. This is cruel and sick in my opinion, especially when you realize how important bonding with a child is- to the mother AND the babies health. Methadone is also a very awful opiate to be dependent on, and I feel with all my heart for children who must suffer like that, and I think breastfeeding would help taper a infant off, as well as offer them the comfort of bonding. My child was very happy, from the moment he popped out. He was alert, but never did he whine or cry in any inconsolable way- not ever has he even been cranky. He literally, no exaggeration, was the perfect baby- a small crying coo for "titty time", or to have a diaper changed, or to be held, it was never ever hard to find out what he wanted. Even now, he's easy to please. The only time I've ever dealt with him being inconsolable is during an ear infection when he was about 6-7 months old, but that was normal and he recovered pretty quick. He's been healthy, and not been sick at all save for that ear infection.
As for my use of T-PAIN, propranolol (I have an aortic aneurysm, (was on it prior to becoming pregnant)it's a beta blocker and is prescribed for pregnant woman with this condition- I made sure to check his breathing, heart rate and blood pressure regularly in the first week after birth) and marijuana, I abstained from all other drugs.
NOW! Back to the topic: I appreciate the link Risir, but I already found that and it's a non-hydroscopic version, which I believe is free acid or sulfate (or was it taking free acid and making to sulfate? Help em understand this shit better, please). I want to find out about synthesizing the sodium version of T-PAIN. This is not me trying to beat out the chinese chemists here, but I would really like to know, especially if this shit does get the schedule ban-hammer.
That article didn't mention any precursors either. Again, any input here is helpful. Malice, could you PM me info on the lab you're talking about? I'd appreciate it. Thanks. -
2017-01-01 at 11:57 PM UTC in Lanny wtf is this.
Originally posted by Sophie That should be Lanny's user title.
I second this. I hate the new year... it just means it's one more fucking year gone by from my youth as I lurch into the oblivion of old age. -
2017-01-01 at 11:50 PM UTC in Self portraits I made while on various drugsThe best artistic advice I ever got was "Draw what you see, not what you know". It took me quite a while to understand it, but when it clicked in my head, it made a huge difference. It's such simple advice, but it sure as hell makes a difference. You'll see people always trying to capture what they think they know or how something should be, but failing to actually draw what is there, thus leaving much to be desired.
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2016-12-30 at 8:40 PM UTC in T-PAIN Synthesis?All of you who are far more well versed in chemical science, I would appreciate if you could help a nigga out. What the fuck are the precursors for this shit, anyway? How the fuck would one go about this shit?
Resources?
Advice?
Help?
Yes, Please. -
2016-12-30 at 8:36 PM UTC in Halp! eating gabapentin like candy, can't sleep (going on 2 days) in severe WD
Originally posted by Discount Whore Hydromorphone are you on meth?
Nope, haven't touched meth in a long, long time (years). -
2016-12-30 at 8:35 PM UTC in Halp! eating gabapentin like candy, can't sleep (going on 2 days) in severe WD
Originally posted by SCronaldo_J_Trump Learn to make it yourself.
Dude, looking into it. Anyone with any advice, because all I'm coming across is shit for sulfate. Hit yo nigga up if you got some advice/resources in this department. -
2016-12-30 at 7:45 PM UTC in Halp! eating gabapentin like candy, can't sleep (going on 2 days) in severe WDDude, has anyone here really ever played to doctor game? I don't care if you have legit medical reasons, or not, it's a game. It's a fucking play of bullshit, and doctors terrified of the DEA. Now, this generation of doctors is even being brainwashed into demonizing opiates, and not taking any seriousness to chronic pain patients (they must be all crazy, right?)
I've dealt with doctors. I've jumped through hoops, dealt with their bullshit. I used to have a script for 10mg hydrocodone(90ct), 10mg percocet (90ct), 50mg tramadol (90ct) 90 somas, 90 xanax and a bunch of other shit for 6 years of my life starting when I was 16 years old. I made good money, could afford a decent doctor back then. At the time doctors were JUST beginning to be threatened and persecuted by the DEA, and you know... it was stressful and degrading thing to go through every fucking month. One time, when I finally got insurance, toward the end of my prescribed period, I got accused and damn near interogated by the nurse and doctor calling me liars, swearing I HAD to be 'doctor shopping', because something came up with my insurance weird, and come to find out, after the secretary called, it was due to a test they sent me for the month before. For an HOUR, they had someone in chronic pain, with an anxiety disorder in tears being threatened and verbally abused. All, I got was "yeah, well... people do that you know." Not a "sorry", not a "We were in the wrong", fuck, they couldn't even wait to hear back from my insurance before going off the rail on me, who had done absolutely NOTHING wrong. A month later, my doctor said he had to cut me back on my opiates because of "insurance"... da fuk? why is insurance getting involved in what I medically need to live a productive life? For fucks sake, I even had to pay out of pocket to fill the scripts! As soon as I cancelled my insurance, he was happy to up my scripts again. I ended up saying fuck it to the fucking shit.
What ya'll don't realize is, is that our medical field is ruled by the almighty dollar, nor to help people, not to make their lives functional. They don't care about people being happy, or well, they don't WANT people to be happy or well, because it would then fuck up their money generating scheme. Doctors don't want to help people, they want to make money and not go to jail or be investigated by the DEA. The DEA doesn't want people to be happy, or find pain relief, because again, that would undermine the pharmaceutical industry with all their new drugs, and the medical industry, who makes huge profits on doing surgery on people that often have failure, or need more surgery later down the road, and leaves people often times in more pain than they initially were.
You might say I am an awful person. You really don't know me. I'm probably one of the nicest, kindest, generous people you'll ever meet. Am I fucked up? Sure thing, that I am. Have I done terrible things? Certainly, and I have a great deal of remorse and regret over those things. I strive to be the best person I can be in this life, and I've gone through valleys and sat on mountain tops along the way, and I'm sure I'll see more to come of each. I don't try to pretend to be something I am not. I am who I am, love me or hate me, it really doesn't matter. If you knew me in real life, I doubt you'd say what you do about me here on the forums. I don't use, nor take advantage of people. I don't steal. I've been one always to give. I never sold drugs, most the shit I was written, I'd fucking give away to friends when they needed it if I didn't take it. I even got off my percs/hydrocodone for my dog who was suffering pain so he could have them instead. I am honest to a fault, and empathetic as they come. I can't stand to see people in pain, and often, I share my drugs with others who are likewise suffering in pain. I've been the girl who knows my co-worker is suffering a migraine, and pull out a couple firocet to give to them. Just this year, while in the hospital, I got written a script of percocets, and instead of taking them myself, or even selling them, I gave the whole script to another co-worker, all 30 of them, to do a nice thing since she was suffering in WD from her doctor suddenly taking her off suboxone after popping for pot on her last drug test. It made me feel so good to be able to help someone like that. She would have lost her job, and was pulling all her money to find ANYTHING to help her so she could go to work, she even offered me money, and was shocked that it was a gift. I do things like that, and take great pleasure in doing them because I want to see the world be a better place, where people care about one another, are more empathetic to others pain and struggles, because if people were, it would be a much nicer place to be living in. I only ask people to do one thing, to pass it on. If I help someone, don't try to pay me back, pay it forward, because I know, and it has so often come to pass, where those due paid forward in turn has come back to help me. So, if you think I am an awful person... I don't know, yes, I certainly have done awful things, but I have likewise done redeeming things, exceptionally good things in my life too, and more often than not, I do the right thing, the good thing, because that's what I want to see in their world more than anything- kindness, love, and people caring about other people.
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2016-12-30 at 6:54 PM UTC in Halp! eating gabapentin like candy, can't sleep (going on 2 days) in severe WDOh yeah! Pain is GONE! Feel fucked in the head though from all the gabapentin, topiramate, soma, and propranolol I took in huge, ungodly quantities. Laying in my friend's very comfortable bed (which has memory foam, my favorite!) made a very minor difference, but it helped make the pain not so sharp (I do have nerve pain I've suffered with, along with my back injury since 16 and just picked up more shit along my journey of life), and since he's not gonna be home for a few days and told me I could anyway, I'm gonna be crashing here to recoup.
Thank you guys for all your advice and just... IDK, being there to distract with. That helped a bit too. In withdrawal not much really helps, it's all just a distraction when it's boiled down, but I will take your advice and try to acquire the drugs you suggested in the event this happens again.
PlumpKatt, my heart goes out to you. It's a shame we live in such a world where people suffer as they do, where drugs are demonized, where users are labeled and treated like trash, where the government has no empathy nor care people. I don't know why you used, but I'll tell you why I use- I use because I suffered a bad injury at 16, and pain medication allowed me to continue living my life. As I got older, more injuries, and other health issues cropped up for me. I was on hydrocodone for several years. I ended up getting off it because I had a dog I loved very much, a dog who was very special to me. It began with a pill here and there when his arthritis was bad, but it grew to the point where I had to wean myself off to give him my script. Toward the end, it was very hard. He could barely walk and I was buying pills on the street to give him more and more, even morphine in the last 2 months of his life. (Funny thing is, these guys I bought from didn't believe I was buying for my dog at first, but I ended up introducing them to him, and they started giving me better deals since it was for my dog lol). So from there, it got to the point I couldn't work like I was. I had days that weren't so bad, but a lot more days that were, and this was far, far away from any withdrawal, this simply was related to my nerve, and back pain. I stuck with my doctor up until it was time to put my dearly beloved dog down. The medicine I gave him gave that dog a good 2 years of quality life he otherwise wouldn't of had. I am capable of sacrificing my medicine for the benefit of the people I love feeling better... just ask §m£ÂgØL. He may shit talk me, he may hate me, but he would be a liar if he said I wouldn't give any of my shit to help him or anyone I love and care about.. even my friends, and co-workers, with some things. Even now, the elderly man I live with who is currently hospitalized, I share my T-PAIN with. I ended up chipping with dilaudid back when my dad was cut cold turkey from his doctor (he was a poster child for a person who needed pain meds, he had so much shit wrong with him, and had been very productive working and as a father to me (best dad in the world, no joke, he did everything for me, and was always there despite working so much, I don't know how he did it, but I do believe the drugs he got helped in that a lot for him to be there despite his pain and the long hours and physically intensive work with long hours coupled with chronic pain), and I was very depressed, in pain myself and well... I bonded with my dad with shooting dilaudid. For about a year or so, I was bouncing from shooting, getting shit done, working my ass off, ad having a great time, then going through withdrawals for a week- it was worth it to me, even now looking back, I don't regret it, but I do regret somethings that happened around then related. I was off for a while, very... useless. Started a job when I began using morphine when my dealer came across a source.. then right at the right moment, I finally decided to give tianpetine a chance (Thank you, Malice. You have no idea how grateful I am to you for that) and it saved my life. Been using for years now. My tolerance has grown quite a bit. It's very short acting, like dilaudid, so requires multiple dosings a day. Point is, I've been using opiates for pain. I never would have touched them if I haven't had serious and legitimate pain- yeah, yeah, people always are gonna say, every user uses pain as an excuse, but fuck... I hate being like this and if I could just kick it, I would, but if I do, my life will be just as unlivable as being in WD. My WD is probably so bad for me because of the chronic pain issues I have. In the time I was clean, I'd have days, even weeks I just couldn't get out of bed. I couldn't move, I'd lay there near, or in tears. The good days would be spent depressed and sometimes trying to do a little bit, hoping shit wouldn;t come back bad again, but it always would. y pain is documented. My health issues are documented. I have was prescribed pain meds for years and years. (Couldnt afford after a while, so I stopped going) I'm not a fraud, and using pain as an excuse for using opiates.
Having said that, I am a firm believer that people who use drugs, are using drugs because something is wrong mentally or physically. No healthy human being is going to go trying to alter their brain chemistry if everything is hunky dory in their life and they are happy. People sometimes use the wrong drugs, take too much, act retarded, but ultimately, they do it because something is seriously wrong and they need help. I personally have only ever nodded out a handful of times in my life (either accidental a few or when I experienced an injury and really, really needed the pain to stop right then and there and sleeping was something I was very okay with atm- normally, I want to function, be able to drive, work and be conscious and able to deal with life, that's the point for me to event take opiates) and I think most people really just want that too, but don't know how to accomplish it or rid themselves of the pain or depression so fall into the pattern of abuse/misuse of doing stupid shit with drugs. I believe drugs should ALL be legalized, and education should be emphasized, along with the stigmas of mental health problems being dropped. I think you'd see a decrease in the abuse in drugs if education not just on drugs but on health was taken as an approach. You can't win a war on drugs anyway, people will always get what they want, no matter what penalty is threatened, and all it does it hurt the nation as a whole, and weakens families and the work force. I have zero sympathy for idiots who overdose/die taking pills. They know the dosage, and should know how much to take if they do the bare minimum of research/don't try to be "look how cool I am/How much I can take! aren't I a badass!", with heroin, and other drugs where you can find cuts, that's another story, and another reason we need to have legalization of drugs and ease of access to them. I am serious about finding a source from china/some asian country to get this shit in bulk so I don't have to deal with this shit, nor the worry that comes with it like I have been doing.
If anyone knows a good, reputable source that I can obtain bulk T-PAIN from, please PM me. -
2016-12-29 at 1:25 PM UTC in Can you blame drugs abuse on bad thingI don't quite understand where you're coming from here... Do you mean, is drug abuse responsible for those bad things? If so, NO! If someone sexually abuses someone else, then they were predisposed to doing so anyhow. If someone blows their head off, well, they likely were retarded/depressed to begin with. Drugs might amplify something, but I wouldn't blame drugs on it. Blaming drugs is the biggest cop out of all. Using drugs is a choice. We must all be responsible for our choices, and the actions we take. If you rape/sexually abuse a child, that is just a way to minimize it for yourself and those around you.
People do fucked up shit sober. Hell, my exhusband raped a 6 year old child sober. I'll give him this, he did grow up in a family that is nothing but sexual abusers/rapists who had sexually abused him from an early age, in a very chaotic household. That's not to give him an out, but it does explain it a bit, but even after all his rehabilitation and remorse, he continued to sexually abuse just like his family, and manipulate, both on and off drugs. he never had any genuine remorse, even going so far as to get a tattoo to commemorate the injustice of the law... because of the time he got for what he did (which was a drop in the bucket to what he should have), and because this little girl had been being rapped and sexually abused by others and they didn't get caught, and he felt some things were lies in the reports (I don't believe that, I think he said that so it didn't seem so bad to everyone else).
I am a firm believer that people can change, even someone as fucked up as him (and no, not even if he did would I ever want to even be in his presence much less back in a relationship), but from his actions I've learned about, no, he has not, and most people don't. I don't know that he has raped or sexually abused anyone recently since me (wouldn't surprise me though), but when you continue the same sort of patterns, like jumping into relationships, and rushing them so quick like he tried so hard with me and before me, it's a really big red flag that there is no real change, just the sign that he found another victim to use and abuse.
People need to look at themselves, see the ugly truth, that it is them beneath the surface that is what wrecks the ill in their lives, not the drugs, not others on the outside. It took me a long time to see this for myself. Drug use tends to be involved because it can be a very selfish and self destructive choice, but it's not the reason for it, just a symptom in some cases. Sure, you have the times where people do stupid things while on drugs and drugs automatically get blamed- example, a acquaintance of mine, who was very, very good friend with my dealer, ended up blowing his head off with a gun. Sure, the family and even some of his friends wanted to blame drugs, but on more than one occasion he had played around and joked around with the gun, holding it to his head. People had warned him. He fucking should have known better. Drugs wasn't the reason this happened, the reason he ended up accidentally killing himself in front of his friend was because he was an idiot who was showing off how much of a badass he was. He would have done this completely sober, it's just the kind of person, of idiot he was. He was a really nice guy, I feel bad for how it all happened, as I really did like him, despite this stupid flaw of his for doing stupid, dangerous, needlessly wreckless shit just to prove how "cool" he was. Now, saying all that, it'd be nice to be able to excuse his stupidity with drugs/the gun/or some other thing, but you can't. Maybe he wouldn't have died that day, that way, as he did, but I bet he would have done it some other way, some other day, being an idiot, showing off, or at least have seriously maimed himself or someone else doing something similar in a vying for attention in some deep seeded desire for love, acceptance, and to be thought cool/tough/well of by his peers. Funny thing is, he was already, without his acting out for attention, thought well of by everyone, including me, and these stupid acts really just did the opposite in a way. I wish things had been different, I wish he hadn't have accidentally killed himself (at least though, it was him and not someone else), but he did, and blaming drugs doesn't make it better, in fact, it makes it worse, because now you have people looking away from the real issue of what caused it (obviously, he had some kind of inferiority complex/feelings of not being accepted/urge to need to prove himself when there was nothing he needed to prove), rather than trying to help people with their problems inside themselves that go much deeper than drug use.
... and that's my two cents.