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Posts by hydromorphone
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2018-12-09 at 9:54 PM UTC in If you are anti semtic you're retardedFuck the jedis. If you think the Israeli state is fucking a good thing, then you're retarded.
I don't hate every jedi on the street, hell I've fucked a jedi with the most jedi name you could ask for. People are people, I just hate the religion/politics bullshit, and their obsession with genital mutilation. -
2018-12-07 at 3:36 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs Attention
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2018-12-07 at 3:32 AM UTC in People who think cigarettes are a part of themI smoke because it helps with my anxiety, it helps calm me, and frankly, I enjoy a good smoke. It probably helps slightly too with my mental illness due to the low affinity maoi in tobacco. I believe it's why many schizos smoke. I'm sure Malice would have more to add if he were here regarding that.
It's not part of my personality, hell, ideally I wouldn't smoke at all, but at least right now in my life quitting isn't an option at the moment, and considering I'd rather be dead than live another day, I don't really have an incentive to quite.
I don't think people are pieces of shit because they'd rather die than quite, but they are shallow as fuck if, like you said, they consider it part of their personality,something where they'd lose some of themselves without having said crutch. I love my smokes, and I smoke like a freight train, but I'd lose nothing of myself by quitting. I'd still be me, still same personality. -
2018-12-07 at 1:36 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs Attention
Originally posted by -SpectraL You sound like a specialist on the subject.
Well, I did want to go to medical school along time ago, in another life.
What you may be thinking of the body attacking itself is the fevers it can cause, just like fevers from other infections though. The body's inflammatory response is triggered, and thus the body raises its temp. as a way to make the Body less hospitable for the bacteria/virus. It's not "attacking" itself, or trying to "kill the host",its.just trying to kill the invaders, with the side effect of fever which can be a negative thing for the person experiencing it's health.
I think the chills were the worst part. It was worse than having cotton fever. I just couldn't stop shaking. I felt so cold and it be 80F in my room, and I'd just be piling on stacks of blankets trying to get warm. -
2018-12-07 at 12:28 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs Attention
Originally posted by CASPER It's just when bacteria gets into your bloodstream somehow. Occurs a lot in people with gunshot wounds to the gut/abdomen. Pictures wouldn't really show anything since there's nothing actually to show. It might be secondary to a nasty, oozing wound on the leg, but the real damage comes when that bacteria gets into the body and starts going to work on every other organ.
My leg never had a wound on it, not until the doctors did surgery on it and opened it up. There was zero injury or oozing prior to that,just massive swelling. When they tapped my knee (stuck a needle in it) they drew up 150ml+ of what I can only describe as the brightest, near florescent yellow puss I've ever seen in my life. The knee can only hold 180ml of fluid before it ruptures, according to the ortho-surgeon I spoke to just recently. I was definitely in "uncharted territory" according to him. I was really close to it rupturing and spreading all down my calf/causing more shit for me.
Originally posted by -SpectraL Sepsis is when your body's immune system turns against its own body. It can't kill the invader, so it kills the entire host.
It fucking is jot, you retard. Sepsis is when bacteria enters the bloodstream and is free floating, often caused by some sort of infection that just gets so bad that it spreads into the bloodsteam, as was the case for my knee infection which actually got so bad it went into my femur bone, and knee joint (called a septic joint), as well as my bloodstream.
It can come from any infection in the body or when bacteria is introduced into the circulatory system. Sure, gunshot victims shot in the gut are at risk for sepsis, because often, if bowels are hit/ruptured, infection sets in VERY FAST. This in turn is a perfect storm for becoming septic very quickly. Sepsis can be the result of a tiny infected cut, or scratch if gone untreated/improperly treated, or like with me, I had an infection that likely got there from me shaving (I always kick my knees), and the outside healed, the inside festered with infection. -
2018-12-06 at 7:47 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs Attention
Originally posted by CASPER My sepsis definitely didn't come with anything near euphoria. Just my heart pounding in my throat and behind my eyes that it sounded like someone was scooping gravel next to my head on the pillow. Shaking and gut wrenching dry heaves. I'm just going to give thanks to the universe that I don't feel that bad again yet. But when I really think about it, I am in fucked health. Apparently thyroid can do this too, and Hashimotos has a marked effect on declining mental acuity like I was talking about with Juice the other day. I feel bad because I go into late work all the time and lay in bed most of the day or watching YouTube or reading, but the gods honest truth is I feel fucking awful most days. But having been through some stuff, I'm grateful when I even feel okay….which coincidentally makes me a lot less likely to seek medical attention. No one believes me when I say I've only seen a doctor once in my life, and I've never been to a dentist. It was just a very different way of growing up. If something was wrong with you, you prayed about it until it went away. And if it didn't go away, most people just died, but of course that was only the "body" dying. For 16 years I had a woman next to me in church who has Parkinson's so bad she couldn't even cold the pencil to make out her check for the collection plate. If there was ever something serious wrong with you, the scripture said you "could" seen medical attention, but even the mere mention of it usually just got you a reminder that you'd be giving up on god and bowing to the devil.
That place I was in... It wasn't quite euphoria, but... Idk.. It wasn't pain. It came after all that vomiting, literally shitting myself (and I wasn't out of Opiates or in anyway in opiate wds at that moment), and shaking tremors that lasted hours at a time... It didn't last too long and I was back to earth suffering some more but it was a weird state to be in, one I was in only once before when I was a kid... I came out of my body, had an OBE. I was sick as fuck vomiting and speaking in fucked up weird languages and shit, or so my father told me. Only ever happened those two times. My. Father thought he was losing me when I was a kid. I believe that's what being close to dying is like. -
2018-12-06 at 7:35 AM UTC in Whipits
Originally posted by GGG "Mom tell me a story from when I was a kid"
OH,don't worry, I'll have many good ones for him when he's older, assuming I'm still alive (please, oh merciful deity, if you're out there and exist, please don't leave me to suffer that long). I've been writing journals for him in the event I'm not around. -
2018-12-06 at 6:49 AM UTC in folks, this time of year is tough for me...Malice would go on paragraphs rant about Sunlight Affective Disorder, with sources sighted, along with links to which artificial sunlight lamps to buy on Amazon...
Man I miss him and his posts...
Just go buy some sunlight bulbs or something. I hate being up north because it makes my arthritis worse in the cold. -
2018-12-06 at 6 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs Attention
Originally posted by CASPER Okay so I've taken 6 different laxatives. Either I'll finally get some relief or I'll get a lulzy, probably excruciating death. At this point I'm kind and willing to roll the dice. But the obstruction I had last time was the single most horrible illness I've had to deal with. At least the month long 105 degree fever and heroin withdrawal, I was able to get high and sleep part of the day. But that 31 days nightmare, every day felt like I was ready to split open. Couldn't sleep lying down bc of the pan, so I only slept an hour or two a night. Crazy stomach spasms. Eventually went septic and heard voices screaming at me in the dark. Whole body was shaking and started having palpitations. I can't articulate how badly being raised in fringe faith healing religions just fucks you up mentally.
When I was septic from my infection, oh my fucking God... The shakes were the fucking worst. I definitely was delious at some point, but not delious enough not to cop the small vile of morphine the nurse left next to the stretcher I was on. I believe it was a 5ml vile 1mg/ml and the doctor ordered 2mg- that extra emg did nothing, but I'll be damned if I didn't try.
I really look back and realize how in and fucking out of it I was at times. Fuck, I sure didn't realize it at the time, which is kinda scary tbh. I begged 1337 just to tell me everything would be okay when I'd be shaking with fever and chills.
At one point, there was just this... Idk.. Almost euphoria? That overcame me. I wasn't in pain, and I felt really light, I felt really delicate, and brittle too, which is the only way I can describe it. It almost reminded me of the first time I over did it with Opiates (not a near death of, but one where you're high as fuck, having trouble functioning properly, maybe even a bit nauseous if you move)... I think I was pretty close to breakin' on through to the other side when that happened. Pisses me off I was so close, but didn't get over the hump,and now I'm still here suffering... *sigh* I was almost there...
But unlike §m£ÂgØL said I would, I did stick to my guns about taking blood transfusions, and argued daily with nigger nurses, doctors, and other hospital staff about being a DNR/DNI. Everyone gives me shit about being 29 and being a DNR, like somehow my age really matters. If it's my time to go, I'm ready. I don't want no niggers trying to bring me back. My luck I'd be all brain damaged and a vegetable or some shit anyway. -
2018-12-06 at 12:24 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs Attention
Originally posted by GGG Maybe you should keep listening
It's a good fucking song, and considering that you (at least used to) appreciate folky sort of music, I'd think you could dig it.
Just brings back a lot of memories from that time. Man, being so weak, and really close to dying over that infection... Fucking surreal shit. -
2018-12-06 at 12:03 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs Attention
Dio, and this song got me through the shit when I had to have surgery on my leg back in May. Fucking was hell. "heaven, help me". I wanted to die listening to this song so many times. Fuck god or Jesus when there's Ronnie James Dio. -
2018-12-05 at 1:29 AM UTC in Drunk Steelers fan punches and chokes pregnant Chargers fan during a game in the Steel City...
Originally posted by -SpectraL I would have to agree with you. However, I would have to point out we are talking about an inverse situation in that case. The Bible serves to draw people away from the dark and toward the light, whereas the machinations of the world serve to draw people away from the light and toward the dark.
Meh, I would disagree. I believe Christianity in particular is just a tool that's been used to keep people in line and enslaved. To keep them living their shitty lives with the promise of a better life and justice if they just stick it out and keep toiling for the man for their entire life. -
2018-12-05 at 1:27 AM UTC in Drunk Steelers fan punches and chokes pregnant Chargers fan during a game in the Steel City...
Originally posted by Lanny You know what else was designed for just that reason? The bible.
agreed. Most religions were designed with control of the masses in mind, or were appropriated to do do so at the very least.
Originally posted by Bill Krozby football is so lame, who wants to see a bunch of hairy fat men wearing tights jumping on each other making weird grunting sounds…
Agreed. Didn't think we could agree on much, but here's one of the few things we can agree on.
Sure, whatever floats others boats, but I think football, and most popular sports are kinda dumb. I won't shit on someone's parade if they enjoy it, as I enjoy equestrian sports myself, along with archery, and martial arts, but football definitely isn't my cup of tea. -
2018-12-04 at 11:58 PM UTC in So with all this opiod crisis bullshit...The "opioid crisis" is propaganda spread my the media and government.
I would say no since benzos are scheduled too, and they're particularly worried about them due to it poteniating Opiates, thus making it easier to OD. Then again, it depends on your doctor/shrink. I know in some states, they've passed state laws where they can't prescribe benzos and Opiates together, which is retarded. That should be the prescribers discretion. Benzos are much much worse than opioids, so keep that in mind. The worst opiate wd is nothing compared to benzo wds. They can actually kill you. -
2018-12-04 at 11:49 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs Attention
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2018-12-04 at 11:47 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs Attention
Originally posted by DietPiano ([surgwery eequals ???? Medications4hm)]
?
Possibly, but I'm definitely not doing unless my pain is properly managed first. I definitely won't do it if I think there's a reasonable chance I'll be stuck in worse pain in the long run either. Frankly, I just want this bitch amputated. -
2018-12-04 at 10:46 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs Attention
Originally posted by -SpectraL You don't really sound like you are even trying to help yourself.
I want to be out of pain. That's it. All their bullshit isn't going to help that. Frankly, I wouldn't mind dying. That would be optimal. I must admit, I am scared, and even more scared of screwing up royally as I've screwed up many times in the past, but if I could just blip out of existence, that would be ideal.
I'm at least here humoring them with their shitty IV antibiotics, and entertaining surgery, so... That's more "helping myself" than I'd be getting curled up dying at home. Me IVing my dillys isn't causing any more harm to me anyway. I just don't want to suffer in pain. Shit, I still am doing that, but at least I'm not shitting my pants in WDs. -
2018-12-04 at 10:24 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs AttentionWell, the floor wouldn't take me unless I submitted to a search.
I'm a fucking ninja, so of course I'm not gonna let them find my shit. You'd be proud of how I hid my shit, although I'm not going to disclose for a while how I managed it. It didn't go up my ass if you're wondering. I also scared security (whom really did mean well- and frankly, they didn't wanna be going through my shit as much as I didn't want them to. They were doing their job, and were not assholes about it.)
I'm just proud I'm a ninja and had a feeling this was coming (but literally only had 5mins to get shit hid).
Frankly, I wanted to AMA out of principle but.. Meh.. Fuck life.
My favorite little resident (I was his first "patient" back when my knee surgeries took place is doing his turn in the ER) he saw me and came and chatted with me for a while. We had a little chat and since he wants to go into Psych I gave him some Malice tidbits to do his homework on. He's cool as shit. He's gonna make a good doctor/psychiatrist one day (he's on the fence if he wants to specialize in optomology or go into Psych... I told him go for optomology). He's really reasonable and actually holds the opinion on drugs as I do. We need more doctors like this kid in the world. -
2018-12-04 at 8:03 PM UTC in Drug traysI have a couple silver ornate trays I like to use. One is large and the other is in the medium range, I'd say.
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2018-12-04 at 8 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs Attention
Originally posted by Solstice Dopesick/mentally
Sure, and that's why they admitted me... Again, right? Couldn't be my white blood cells are through the roof from infection of my femur, or the clots still present in both legs, or fucking the fact that my hemoglobin in down relatively low (8.6) atm could it?