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Posts by Malice
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2016-01-28 at 4:59 AM UTC in ashley told me she loves meAww. <3
I have one, but there's nothing on it. I've only ever used it for the "connect/sign up with facebook" feature. -
2016-01-28 at 4:38 AM UTC in ashley told me she loves meI dunno man, let's admit it, neither of us are quite healthy or normal. We both have problems, whatever they are and their root causes are. I mean, obsessing over a 1x year old girl for years like this isn't normal.
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2016-01-28 at 4:20 AM UTC in ashley told me she loves meYou admitted to being on the spectrum in the past. It is a spectrum, everyone can have autistic traits to some extent.
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2016-01-28 at 3:51 AM UTC in ashley told me she loves meFrom the Intense World Theory paper:
The positive consequences are exceptional capabilities for elementary and specific tasks while the negative consequences are impairment of holistic processing, a rapid lock to a limited repertoire of behavioral routines, which are then repeated obsessively.
The autistic person may also become locked into powerful memories that are difficult to correct or extinguish and that dominate every-day life. Quick and almost arbitrary association building based on enhanced perception of sensory features paired with excessive internal emotions – positive or negative – may rapidly lock the person down into behavioral routines. A failure to extinguish such associations may underlie the insistence on sameness and obsession with routines and may make rehabilitation difficult.
Enhanced fear memory formation and a progressive generalization of fears could have major consequences on behavior and account for inappropriate reactions to the environment, sudden and apparently inexplicable anxiety attacks, loss of the finesse required in social interactions, and phobias. Over-generalization may also accelerate the progression in autism by more rapidly limiting the repertoire of safe stimuli, environments, and situations. While deficits in extinction were previously observed in autistic children (Mullins and Rincover, 1985; Sears et al., 1994; Coldren and Halloran, 2003) and may lead to preservation tendencies observed in autism, fear extinction was never studied in autism. If present, a deficit in extinguishing acquired fear in autism would make it more difficult to relinquish old fears that are no longer relevant or justifiable. This deficit combined with longer-lasting fear memories that are also over-generalized, could lead to a progressive and irreversible reduction in the repertoire of acceptable stimuli and drive a complete lock down and blanketing out of what would rapidly become a painfully intense world.
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Remind you of anything? Reflect on your own life. Extreme sensitivity to negativity (girl leaving you, any negative events related to her, her flaws/negative behavior that you perceived), blowing things out of proportion, OCD traits making it worse, replaying thoughts and memories in your mind, obsessing over them.
Just telling you because the exact same thing has been a recurrent theme in my life, and it led to disaster. -
2016-01-28 at 1:33 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionDoing some more reading. Yep, my suspicions/observations were right, there definitely seems to be a strong correlation with autistic traits/being on the high functioning end of the autism spectrum and right-libertarianism/anarcho-capitalism. Reading about Tyler Cowen and autism is pretty interesting.
It's the ones that had the right environment, made the right choices, utilized and found an outlet for their strengths and interests, that ended up succeeding. For the average aspie, comparatively extremely high unemployment, depression, and suicide rates. -
2016-01-28 at 1:08 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionAlso, it really sucks to accept you're just a failed incredibly maladjusted and socially isolated autist who should have received therapy, support, and guidance early on, needed an entirely different life than what they had, who's been in a cycle of depression and isolation for over a decade, made repeated bad decisions, didn't know how to navigate life and live life as a human being, essentially had a problem with being human, has practically been a hikikomori the last few years and in a particularly vicious length of this cycle of isolation and depression, finally succumbed to a mental breakdown and came to terms with everything, and is probably never going to make it.
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2016-01-28 at 1 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition1.) They removed his fear and inhibitions, the will to live and avoid harm naturally being the strongest and most innate, and allowed his strong suicidal desire to manifest into action.
2.) Had the suspicion, but I decided to do a search after the thought popped up in my mind and it seems Bryan Caplan (anarcho-capitalist econ professor I strongly identify with, we seem to share a similar thinking style and worldview) is indeed probably a strong aspie. Also led me to this, which I like:In large part, I think of cynicism as the view that the average quality of human beings and the world is a lot lower than it could and ought to be.
“Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.†― George Carlin
“Scratch the surface of most cynics and you find a frustrated idealist — someone who made the mistake of converting his ideals into expectations.†― Peter M. Senge
“Cynics are - beneath it all - only idealists with awkwardly high standards.†― Alain de Botton
3.) An idea I've had: If Nardil (along with NSI-189) works effectively, I could add in valproic acid to restore neuroplasticity to a juvenile state and for therapy devote my days to wandering SF and engaging in conversation with the street people, homeless, travelers, junkies. Claw my way from over a decade of social isolation, even prior to that no real social experience outside of school, to at least having mediocre conversational skills.
http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Anyone-Success-Relationships/dp/007141858X
It's a system. Even if I lack the intuitive, fake it until you make it, use your raw analytical prowess like you have before to analyze human behavior and optimize yours. Be friendly, ask people about themselves. Many simply want someone willing to listen, you can compliment them, offer them advice, seem genuinely interested in their lives and problems. Maybe even offer them a joint or something, a few bucks (you can my change, not much, all I have). -
2016-01-27 at 4:14 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionHonestly, I've never really researched it. Sorry §m£ÂgØL, but my testosterone levels are probably rock bottom:
I wonder if chronic prolonged severe depression and social isolation (near the maximum) are enough to explain why I genuinely have no thoughts of sex throughout the day, sex seems gross and repulsive, don't develop erections, including morning wood, or masturbate anymore, don't even look at or show any interest in attractive women IRL, feel no sexual attraction to them. No, not homo (unfortunately?). I wonder if I may actually have a pituitary gland tumor (one of the common causes of secondary hypogonadism, which I seem to have. Did give her the line about having a recurrent sharp throbbing headache that lasts a few minutes and feels concentrated around the area behind the center of the forehead. Will hopefully get some brainscans and blood panels.
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2016-01-26 at 11:16 PM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionYou know, low dose alcohol isn't bad. Decided to try it again on a whim after therapist appointment and it's alright. Remember to take NAC beforehand, though, at least for heavy drinking. Prevents hangovers. About 500mg 1 hour beforehand. Hmm, but considering the state I'm in, how neurologically abnormal I am and the effects of over a decade of isolation and depression, how much better would it be if I was healthy?
An idea I've had for making running/HIIT more interesting. Wear a ski mask and carry a bag with dollar signs on the front and back, possibly with an alarm going off inside it (I have some small alarms meant for windows that would do the trick) (This may be taking it too far.)
Your goal is to avoid cops and make it from one location to a safe spot where you can change. -
2016-01-26 at 9:51 PM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition*sniff* Seriously, read about some of these schools/programs. I wish I had had intelligent highly educated parents who had a network of similar people, lived in a good neighborhood, people I could relate with, took me out to see the world I missed out on, the world exclusive to the proles.
https://www.bostonglobe.com/ideas/20...yFM/story.htmlIn one of the studies, the Vanderbilt researchers matched students who skipped a grade with a control group of similarly smart kids who didn’t. The grade-skippers, it turned out, were 60 percent more likely to earn doctorates or patents and more than twice as likely to get a PhD in science, math, or engineering.
And once again the fucking leftists with their fixation on equity ruin this. I'll target them specifically.
If I get through this (Let's be honest, realistically, almost no chance of happening. Unless genes account for so much of potential cognitive development that not having been in the right environment, really challenged, didn't significantly alter my raw potential. Still, I'm a hollow shell, there's no substitute for actual experience, all the skills I never developed, how other people and experiences allow you to develop, alter your development, development that requires others.).
[SIZE=28px]I'll take revenge on the world. Power and dominion are taken by the will.[/SIZE] -
2016-01-26 at 9:32 PM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionReading about schools and programs for the gifted. Oh my god, I needed an entirely different life than what I had! I was robbed! Born in the wrong place, wrong parents, and I only made it worse by going into autistic withdrawal and shutting down.
Fuck, I'm fucked. This completely screwed my development, I didn't even have social experience.
www.google.com/search?q=elementary+school+for+gifted
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2016-01-26 at 11:23 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
I woke up this morning, farted, and shit myself.
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2016-01-26 at 10:49 AM UTC in 2015mq is that lonely and desperate for company.
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2016-01-26 at 8:39 AM UTC in stimulant bath sawltsYup. Seriously Roshambo, learn to use Bitcoin, it's not that hard. There are many options, try harder, read more, maybe even make a thread asking for help on a subreddit or something.
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2016-01-26 at 7:43 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionInitial appointment with psychiatrist went alright. Follow up in a week to discuss medication. She had some specialization in treating autism, has an interesting bio (won't link to it to be safe); probably a better than average match. Not just medication, but referrals/recommendations for therapy and other forms of treatment as well.
Good god I come off as a fucking autist after 2 years of not having really had a conversation with someone. Did feel good to actually meet and speak with someone IRL, though. Let's be honest, I'm well aware of how I come off in my current state. Wish I had realized this and gotten help before my mental breakdown.
I wonder if chronic prolonged severe depression and social isolation (near the maximum) are enough to explain why I genuinely have no thoughts of sex throughout the day, sex seems gross and repulsive, don't develop erections, including morning wood, or masturbate anymore, don't even look at or show any interest in attractive women IRL, feel no sexual attraction to them. No, not homo (unfortunately?). I wonder if I may actually have a pituitary gland tumor (one of the common causes of secondary hypogonadism, which I seem to have. Did give her the line about having a recurrent sharp throbbing headache that lasts a few minutes and feels concentrated around the area behind the center of the forehead. Will hopefully get some brainscans and blood panels.
Also, high functioning autism/Asperger's can have some creepy/disturbing/unnerving aspects about it: https://www.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/32ia3y/is_it_normal_to_not_have_a_personality/ -
2016-01-25 at 9:27 PM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
I've literally been kicked out of out of a psychiatrists office and haven't seen one since for announcing 'im taking turmeric 3 times a day. It's a maoi.'. Before that she prescribed me Luvox and I only took it 4 times before it turned on me. She even told me it would help me sleep if I took it before bedtime and even though I suggested mirtazapine she insisted that because it acts on norepinephrine it would give me anxiety even though I wake up without difficulty breathing when I took it in the past. I wanted to smash her gook face into the corner of her desk before I walked out while she was busy making excuses but I didn't want it to get back to my doctor. Weeks later I saw my doctor and told him about the turmeric incident. He brought up some kind of letter I couldn't see on his computer from the psychiatrist. I asked him about the turmeric and he flat out told me not to take it and wrote me the script for mirtazapine. This isn't even a drop in the bucket to the fucking stupidity I've encountered. I hate doctors more than anything. I'm almost a bigger shut in than you are btw. except you can order drugs and are on disability. all I can do is drink where I live.
I hope not. Do you have any social relationships? Spend any time around people? Get out of that cycle as soon as you can, it does not end well: https://www.reddit.com/r/Nootropics/comments/3u999j/toward_a_neurology_of_loneliness_the_neurological/ -
2016-01-25 at 9:26 PM UTC in 2015Read about baclofen as a treatment for alcoholism. Great site, I've used them before and wrote about them on RDFRN (unfortunately those posts are lost now); you have to email them to have your account approved: http://brandmedicines.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=42&products_id=1493
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2016-01-25 at 5:01 AM UTC in fuck youAre you talking about stupidnoob?
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2016-01-24 at 10:02 PM UTC in here's a new forum for you spudsWhy would we join? What's wrong with niggas?
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2016-01-23 at 10:22 PM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
Do you plan to disclose to your therapist all the exotic nootropics you've been taking?
He's going to teach his therapist about all the exotic nootropics he's been taking.
Definitely not a good idea. Their general response will simply be "Stop taking this immediately." It's extremely unlikely they're going to know anything about the substances, the research behind them, safety, the industry, testing done to ensure purity, interactions etc. and they're adverse to self-medication for a good reason. There's this process you have to go through to really understand what you're doing, you have to learn how to learn, how to properly interpret data. People read shit from sites like Mercola or Natural News and think they know something from a single article, vastly overestimate their understanding. I refer to psychiatrists as generally being jacks of all trades, mediocre at best at all of them, because there are just so many disorders and medications (just look at the size of the DSM-5), but you really do need a very high level of intelligence, the average IQ is around 125 IIRC, and an immense amount of schooling to become one, so they will know much more than the average person. Becoming an "expert on your condition" isn't feasible for the vast majority because you really can't have a full understanding with just a limited understanding of one disorder, lacking a general understanding of neurology, the brain being the most complex object in the known universe, and pharmacology.
I've read some comments of this leading to very bad outcomes, and at the very least it could reasonably prevent them from prescribing a mediation with dangerous contraindications/interactions like an MAOI.
It's really best to keep it to yourself.