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Thanked Posts by OMGPLZUNBAN
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2020-05-18 at 4:46 PM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
Originally posted by CASPER lol that girl is probably 85 lb now and still cuts herself
I got fired because of that girl. I didn't have insurance on my car so I'd drive to the edge of town and bike the rest of the way. She started giving me rides to my car and flirting hardcore. I won some movie tickets at work and she's asking who am I going to take. "Uhhh.... I don't watch movies. But thanks for the ride though!"
Then I got an idea. Which is never a good sign. I made her a song. It was about all the things we could do together. Skating round the park when winter freezes over and I'll send you pictures on a photo motorola. Taking long hikes in the woods to be alone and if it's summer I'd buy you an ice cream cone.
It built up to the last line, "Is it just me and am I your last? Or am I the same, another plaster cast? But this is this and that is that and all those could happen but..... You're too damn fat."
Then I went into a giant ran about her being fat. It's probably the meanest thing I've ever done. I don't feel good about it now but I will acknowledge the song is still a banger. I had it planned. I gave her the song and told her to listen to it after she dropped me off. After my rant I had about of minute of silence, where I assumed she would be crying. Then I say, "I hope this doesn't mean you can't give me rides home though."
You know what? I'm starting to think I'm an actual piece of shit.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-20 at 1:02 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!Day 84 of fucking with Reno:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAP1y7ohFfo&fbclid=IwAR2SSdkVbrkvB-0Zh8bFlztys7W8i6-BH3zmWAcqQ8nZEIkhPCWhQRm23-AThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-19 at 3:41 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
Originally posted by My Wife Is Dead I was just sick of you playing the same five shitty pretentious songs in a row.
One time someone told me to burn a CD with some music to listen to. I put you got a friend in me and old number seven by The Devil Makes Three.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vedgTokXj04
That's it. We played it loud as fuck for hours. Just those two songs. The next day our neighbor said we need to get more music. We lived in an industrial district or something so we never had the cops called on us.
I still think it's funny someone put me in charge of music, I could only find two songs that I thought were worthy, ruined a disc burning only two songs and it was a banger all night. Reminds me of the time we stayed up all night with the radio on in the back ground. I decided I should call in and request them to play Elton Johns 'Daniel'. Freaking love that song. I called over and over and they keep telling me to fuck off. When they finally played it we were on the porch smoking.
So naturally, I kept calling over and over requesting they play it again because I missed it.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-19 at 2:17 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
Originally posted by Poast Post the sex doll one.
Alright. Like I give a fuck.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jE037bJc35IThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-18 at 11:22 PM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!A long time ago, one of the Star Wars prequels was coming out. So I ditched school to stand in a line with some buddies. All day. I didn't have a ticket to see it, didn't plan to watch it. I was just dicking around. I would get bored and sneak into movies. Watched J-Los 'Monster in Law'. Wasn't too bad.
Then someone from our group gave me an extra ticket. His buddy couldn't show up or something. I think the viewing was at 12. Fuck it. I have a ticket, nothing better to do. I guess I'll watch a shitty Star Wars film.
There were nerds everywhere. Dressed up, reciting lines, doing gay fighting with plastic light sabers. Some of these people were all about it. Eventually I got so bored I decided to just go home. But then I had an idea. That's never a good sign. I stood in front of this big line of people and shouted, "Who wants a free ticket to Star Wars?!" The line all scream. Then I ripped that ticket to shreds in front of everyone.
The guy who gave me the ticket was butthurt. But fuck you Bryan. I know you stole my recorder.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-18 at 5:21 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!A really old story from 2012:
I had just moved up to Montana and was working a shitty fast food job raking in the bucks. There was this one weird kid who somehow skeeved on younger girls. Like I always say, barely legal is barely pedophile.
One time he said he had a secret. But I had to get orders out and missed it. People were walking from the back going, "Oh my god!" and "No fucking way!" Someone told me he fisted himself. When I had a chance I asked him if it was true. He's trying to save face and tells me, "You just need to be relaxed. It's not that weird."
That kid was weird.
There was a really fat girl who was into me at the same job. So fat she was round. We would work the night shifts and all wear a head set so we could riff and entertain ourselves. One time the fatty says to all of us through the headset, "Oh my god. This guy is so hot." With out skipping a beat the fister responds, "Why? Does he have food on his face?"
One of the funniest things I've ever seen.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-09 at 6:07 PM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
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2020-05-09 at 5:57 PM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
Originally posted by CASPER #ButtholeLife
You have no idea how accurate that is to coming up with the name on acid. We were on some video chatting site and posted a girl in front of the camera asking for people to show us their buttholes. Maybe 4 or 5 people all on acid. It was harder than thought to get to see someones butthole. We found a different, dirtier chat site and the first guy on there showed us his butthole. We figured that was too easy and went back to the easier site.
The girl had on a bear hat with ears and we slowly grew it into a bit about how the endangered butthole bear is starving. Show us your butthole. I think we finally had one guy show us and we went into the living room to fry on TV. The gayest metal band was on MTV2 hosting the sunday metal music video show. We were on full gay butthole mode so this band, Crowbar, just came off gay ass fuck. They played one of their songs, "All I Had I Gave". He's like right in front of the camera, veins popping in his neck looking like he's taking a dick.
One guy there, it was his first time taking acid. Poast asked him what does he think about it. He says, "I don't know man. All I can think is butthole butthole butthole."
The stripper who was hanging out with us bounced before the LSD kicked in. You know how acid transforms time and you can walk through a door and it's an entirely different setting so your feeling changes? Someone mentioned I wonder what that girl is doing. We died laughing realizing she's peaking right now and who knows where she is.
So yeah. The butthole ladies came from butthole, gay jokes and mostly I got the idea from crowbar. The Butthole Ladies were inspired by a shitty heavy metal band. On acid.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=407YNmRKvQsThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-08 at 3:27 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-05-08 at 12:16 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-05-06 at 6:44 PM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!One time at that party house, a certain someone was absolutely trashed. Me and a buddy were trying to get him to take another shot. Through his slurred words he says he'll take a shot if I put on Johnny Cash. I can't stand The Cashster but I agree.
It was one of his shitty famous hits and he takes a shot and lies back down on the couch. Before the song is over he volcano pukes straights up into the air all over himself. I'm probably remembering it wrong but in my head it was epic. Just one violent splurge of puke that got some air. He was on his back so the puke went straight up before coming back down.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-03 at 6:01 PM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!At our old party house.
There was a girl who would come over and was all about this fuck boy. Good buddy of mine even though he never calls anymore. He would get blasted and pass out. Then wake up to that chick cuddling him. I don't mean in a bed or anything. It was dirty old couches in the living room.
One time Someone that lived there found a full slice of pizza under one of the cushions. Him and Poast took a bite and tried to peer pressure me to take a bite. I didn't.
Anyways, One night me and a buddy drank all fucking night into the morning. I put on the song 'Born to be Wild' and we were just screaming the lyrics. Buddy on the couch wakes up. Probably hung over and coming down. Finds the girl he never wanted cuddling him, two fat fucks drunkenly screaming an old rock song, takes a moment to let it all seep in, gets up, goes to his car and just leaves.
I don't remember but one time apparently she was yelling at a bunch of dudes in our house at another party. Or should I say another night? "Is anyone going to fuck me?" But it was just bros hanging out and we just laughed at her. Poast drew all over her pants one time when she passed out, woke up and she was pretty upset. Girls and pants right?The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-03 at 5:16 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!Another time we gave a buddy tranny porn. Really nice looking chick with a dick. At our party house we thoght it'd be funny to put it on the tv. No volume, just back ground video. It wasn't funny until I sped the play speed up. Then it was funny.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-05-03 at 5:14 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
Originally posted by CASPER Lol yeah i chose it to put on at one of our parties when i was like 20. Theres like 10 guys and ten girls all milling around a house drinking, eating, talking. A few people are on the sofa, a few are just standing watching here and there. It gets to the rape scene, and pretty much every girl in the party (minus our two requisite brohoes) has a super visceral reaction. Some are covering their faces. Some are getting loud telling us to turn it the fuck off, and who chose this shit,NOT COOL. Every single one of my guy friends is just in tears laughing “AGHHHHHHAAHAHAH! SHES GETTING RAPED BY A FUCKING RETARD!!”
good times.
I can one up that.
I was madly over this stupid hippie chick. Then I did a bunch of molly at a friends house and it's me and this really hot chick. She asks me if I'm still hung up on hippie girl. Like a retard I say yes. There's another girl there who doesn't talk at all and I give them a bunch of drugs.
Since I wasn't making a move I threw on the movie, 'The Rules of Attraction'.
It was brutal. I forgot it starts with a rape scene and it got awkward. The girls house we were in got up to get some water from her room. I'm trying to save face and tell these hos it's a good movie. She does but it saves nothing.
That was the last time I ever saw them. Can't blame them. I'm a retard and was on drugs.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-04-29 at 7:48 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-04-29 at 6:19 PM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-04-28 at 10:44 PM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
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2020-04-26 at 5:51 PM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
Originally posted by MexicanMasterRace WOW ok how about you say that to my face not online
But in a few months when this COVID-19 shit is over
In a few months I'm going to KICK YOUR ASS, punk
If you want to come visit I'll give you a place to stay. I have nothing anymore so I don't care if you want to kick my ass. What movie do you want to watch after and what do you want me to cook?The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-04-20 at 5:06 PM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-04-19 at 5:38 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!Let's just say my whole life has been one long fucking miserable nightmare most of the time. And pure shit on a good day.
Goddamn it. Yeah, I guess there have been a few dull bright spots here and there. Fuck it.
I even almost had a friend once.
Sure, he was a mouth-breathing, snot dripping 8-year-old who couldn't find his fat ass with both hands, but he was clueless enough to think I wasn't the worthless piece of shit everybody else thinks I am.
Including me.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
