Back from MySpace days. (Slightly edited)
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Originally posted by Poast
You’re close! It’s really coming together.
Better?
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Originally posted by Poast
Nobody cares who I was until I put on the lolcat.
Are you fucking happy now?!
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I found a really old picture of me with Erik Estrada. Him holding the Mad Magazine should've gotten me a free three year subscription to the magazine but I never found where to turn it into. And Mad MAGAzine isn't really funny. He was in my town helping his wife promote baby seats for cars or something retarded. I got him to sign a poster of the insane clown posse but my mom threw it out in a move years ago. I really wish I had that poster. That's retardation on another level. An ICP poster from the Jekyell Brothers era signed by Ponch.
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Originally posted by CASPER
I’m redeeming a story for additional lolcats.
I once knew this nigger named G who was an absolute nigger like a gigantic nigger.
His mom was a super diversity black neighborhood council mucketymuck and she had a ton of money and they lived 8n Baldwin Hills.
G was just an absolute garbage person mostly bc he knew his mom would bail him out.
He went to Beverly Hills high, and as the token black kid, started his own crip “set” entitled Beverly Hills Baby Gangster Crips. I once had the pleasure of witnessing one of his friends tell him during a gun deal that he needed to stop running his mouth about shit “on neighborhood”, bc he wasn’t a fucking crip, he was driving his moms car, and we had just returned from his college tutoring session.
Anyway G is a huuuuuuuge dumpster fire. Just as a handful of quick examples, he made his Mexican gf give him head in a crowded restaurant full of people while he smoked a foil of heroin, and then proceeded to urinate beer piss all over every seat in the back row of INDIANA JONES AND THE K8NGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL which he procla8med to be “white people shit”. He was probably right. He also had some of the worst hygiene I’ve ever seen in my life. He smelled like constant BO despite wearing $1500 outfits. He reached in his pants to scratch his balls constantly and always wanted to hit your blunt. He threw up multiple times a day. Just nasty nasty fucking dude.
Anyway I get a call fro his gf one night and she’s frantic and needs me there. Not wanting to lose one of my best customers, I head over.
I get there and she answers the door with a bloody mouth. I walk inside and he’s at the kitchen sink, eyes closed drooling, eating a piece of fried kpchicken with one hand and lazily masturbating with the other. They got in a fight when she wouldn’t give him the last of her heroin, so he then took the heroin, did the rest of the cocaine, took some ambien, and then 8 expired sample packs of Zyprexa that he had for some strange reason. So now he’s sleepwalking, completely unconscious! Eating chicken and jerking off.For years I had a whole drawer full of 2007 zyprexa covered I black char melted balloons and baking soda, bc steph asked me to take all the stuff that night.
But yeah. Way to be a stereotype bro.
I got you. Good story. Thanks.
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Originally posted by MexicanMasterRace
One time i bought a box of sushi
Came home
Opened it up
IT WAS THE WRONG SUSHI
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Originally posted by CASPER
I’m redeeming a story for additional lolcats.
I made you a better 100% custom LOLcat since my first one for you was pretty shitty.
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Originally posted by Rrr
DEL MONTE ∆
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Originally posted by SrslyNOTOMGPLZDNTBAN
I know right?! How did OP pull this off?!
Reel them in with 100% custom free LOLcats, stay for the friends.
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Originally posted by STER0S
i suck at stories.
may i have another LOLcat of buckethead since it's almost christmas?
pwease?
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I got a story:
One time I was at Poasts and we were playing Halo 2 or something. I think this was right after Poast convinced me to start smoking weed.
He had a big bong called Bulletproof and I would cough blowing water out of the the smoke end thingy, (I haven't smoked in a while), so we used to put a towel by my feet.
I was 17 and had a '68 Camaro. I used to bomb down a big ass hill in neutral in it, hit around 70 MPH and be able to barely glide into Poasts trailer. I tried the same thing in my moms SUV once and on the first turn I almost tipped it. I was scared and never did it again.
So anyways, I was at Poasts playing Halo 2. He always kicked my ass. But today was different. I tried to sneak a fart. It was a big shart. I shit my pants. I jumped up and said I had to go home. I had to drive home leaning my left leg against the floor so my ass wasn't against against the seat. Then I wasn't sitting in my own shit.
A couple days later I admitted what had happened to Poast and he said, "I wondered why you left so awkwardly."
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Originally posted by Poast
Ignorance truly is bliss, and I wish that I could go back.
I said cringe bitch. That's just truth.
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Originally posted by MexicanMasterRace
I DO I DO I DO
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So back in my tagging years.
I wasn't good but quantity over quality really gave me a reputation. A gang of us were walking home or to some party or something. I pull out some cans and draw a big t-rex dinosaur with a dolphin fin and some fish gills then add my real name to the bottom. It was on the side of a guys garage. I feel bad about that now. I feel worse when I did a goatse on some guys fence.
Anyways, the next day I realized how stupid it was and wanted to spray over my name. I was broke and the girl I was madly in love with was going to swing by my place and give me a can. I was sewing a patch onto the back of a coat I stole from a hipster who got kicked out of a party. The guy throwing the party posted it on facebook and a ton of underage kids showed up. He designated me to kick them out because I'm an asshole right?
So the girl I wanted shows up to bring the paint. I show her how I'm retarded and sewed through both layers of the coat. Front and back. She laughs and we hang out for a bit. Looking back I could've easily gotten that chick but such is life. I'm with someone else who I love dearly and I don't want some dumb hippy chick grabbing my shit anymore.
So I have the can of paint and am going to try to cover my name. I get there and the spray nozzle doesn't work. Fuck. In my infinite wisdom I decide my best bet is to stab the can with my knife and try to aim it where I want. I kinda just blasted this guys garage some more and nothing really got done.
I know Poast has a picture of my work. I'll see if I can get it.
And this girl I totally saw myself with a life with? One time it was just me and her at her place, drinking. I was too much of a pussy to pick up any of the vibes and left like a loser. I'm glad I didn't because knowing me, I'm such a pussy I would have stayed with a hippy chick wanting to be 24 forever.
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I got a story:
Thanksgiving. I was living with Poasts cousin and we were having it there. I had Hozilla living with me like a retard. Poasts cousin could cook so a bunch of people showed up that didn't have family showed up. We ate and then started drinking and having fun.
Some of Poasts family was there and it was pretty chill. There was one second I was standing next to WifeDead and Hozilla was in the hallway. Poasts mom was right there but wasn't looking so I got hozillas attention. She looked at me and I went in for a kiss with MomDead. He swooned and we passionately kissed while I stared her down. She had a horrified look on her face and I walked away.
Dead seriously, without any acknowledgement of what I was about to do just sold the shit out of it. This wasn't the first time we kissed. I think it might've been the last though.
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Originally posted by CASPER
Poast plz reupload videos so we can relive our misspent youth thx
I'll hit him up. Doubt he'll be interested though. I'll try to get the first BHL video up atleast.
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Originally posted by Poast
Last we ever saw him was when he left our building with everything he needed to skip town and start a new life. I like to believe that’s what he did. But I suspect he drank himself to death in the bushes with the half gallon of whiskey we gave him. There’s been rumors, murmurs rather, about him around town, unconfirmed sightings, here, there, you never know with these things. Michael was a free spirit with, abilities. When he’s ready to be witnessed again, he’ll make his presence known. Until then, his legend lives on, eternal, immortal, a god among men, his mantra forever written in the stars and in our hearts - “GET BENT.”
Dude! What are you talking about?! You spit in his face at some divehole bar rambling about jedis or something. Then when you were called on it you said, and I quote, "Sorry. The floodgates are up. This is just over seepage."
He shook hands with everyone but you and bid farewell.
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I title this one, "I smell some dick"
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Originally posted by Technologist
Charizard is ok to call a faggot, just not Charmander.
Hate to break the news to you:
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The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!