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2020-05-18 at 5:24 AM UTCcuntribution
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2020-05-18 at 5:25 AM UTC
Originally posted by OMGPLZUNBAN A really old story from 2012:
I had just moved up to Montana and was working a shitty fast food job raking in the bucks. There was this one weird kid who somehow skeeved on younger girls. Like I always say, barely legal is barely pedophile.
One time he said he had a secret. But I had to get orders out and missed it. People were walking from the back going, "Oh my god!" and "No fucking way!" Someone told me he fisted himself. When I had a chance I asked him if it was true. He's trying to save face and tells me, "You just need to be relaxed. It's not that weird."
That kid was weird.
There was a really fat girl who was into me at the same job. So fat she was round. We would work the night shifts and all wear a head set so we could riff and entertain ourselves. One time the fatty says to all of us through the headset, "Oh my god. This guy is so hot." With out skipping a beat the fister responds, "Why? Does he have food on his face?"
One of the funniest things I've ever seen.
lol that girl is probably 85 lb now and still cuts herselfThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-18 at 4:46 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER lol that girl is probably 85 lb now and still cuts herself
I got fired because of that girl. I didn't have insurance on my car so I'd drive to the edge of town and bike the rest of the way. She started giving me rides to my car and flirting hardcore. I won some movie tickets at work and she's asking who am I going to take. "Uhhh.... I don't watch movies. But thanks for the ride though!"
Then I got an idea. Which is never a good sign. I made her a song. It was about all the things we could do together. Skating round the park when winter freezes over and I'll send you pictures on a photo motorola. Taking long hikes in the woods to be alone and if it's summer I'd buy you an ice cream cone.
It built up to the last line, "Is it just me and am I your last? Or am I the same, another plaster cast? But this is this and that is that and all those could happen but..... You're too damn fat."
Then I went into a giant ran about her being fat. It's probably the meanest thing I've ever done. I don't feel good about it now but I will acknowledge the song is still a banger. I had it planned. I gave her the song and told her to listen to it after she dropped me off. After my rant I had about of minute of silence, where I assumed she would be crying. Then I say, "I hope this doesn't mean you can't give me rides home though."
You know what? I'm starting to think I'm an actual piece of shit.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-18 at 4:52 PM UTClol yeah thats pretty fuckin bad, Now i DEFINITELY know she cuts herself.
thx 4 baring ur filthy besotted soul tho -
2020-05-18 at 5:17 PM UTCFlashbacks whenever she goes to get a coffee
'Caution: HOT' -
2020-05-18 at 5:33 PM UTCPage 56. That is all.
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2020-05-18 at 9:25 PM UTCI've been bothering this kid on facebook. Making at least one video a day. Then I threaten to kick his ass. Nice kid. I have one video I can't show because it crosses the line. I had Poast help with the song recommendation for that one. Still pretty funny though. I'm messing with this kid so much I have extra videos waiting to be dropped.
Here's todays video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ssF6qmI6DQ -
2020-05-18 at 11:22 PM UTCA long time ago, one of the Star Wars prequels was coming out. So I ditched school to stand in a line with some buddies. All day. I didn't have a ticket to see it, didn't plan to watch it. I was just dicking around. I would get bored and sneak into movies. Watched J-Los 'Monster in Law'. Wasn't too bad.
Then someone from our group gave me an extra ticket. His buddy couldn't show up or something. I think the viewing was at 12. Fuck it. I have a ticket, nothing better to do. I guess I'll watch a shitty Star Wars film.
There were nerds everywhere. Dressed up, reciting lines, doing gay fighting with plastic light sabers. Some of these people were all about it. Eventually I got so bored I decided to just go home. But then I had an idea. That's never a good sign. I stood in front of this big line of people and shouted, "Who wants a free ticket to Star Wars?!" The line all scream. Then I ripped that ticket to shreds in front of everyone.
The guy who gave me the ticket was butthurt. But fuck you Bryan. I know you stole my recorder.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-19 at 2:01 AM UTCPost the sex doll one.
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2020-05-19 at 2:17 AM UTC
Originally posted by Poast Post the sex doll one.
Alright. Like I give a fuck.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jE037bJc35IThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-19 at 2:26 AM UTCHis response:
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2020-05-19 at 3:41 AM UTC
Originally posted by My Wife Is Dead I was just sick of you playing the same five shitty pretentious songs in a row.
One time someone told me to burn a CD with some music to listen to. I put you got a friend in me and old number seven by The Devil Makes Three.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vedgTokXj04
That's it. We played it loud as fuck for hours. Just those two songs. The next day our neighbor said we need to get more music. We lived in an industrial district or something so we never had the cops called on us.
I still think it's funny someone put me in charge of music, I could only find two songs that I thought were worthy, ruined a disc burning only two songs and it was a banger all night. Reminds me of the time we stayed up all night with the radio on in the back ground. I decided I should call in and request them to play Elton Johns 'Daniel'. Freaking love that song. I called over and over and they keep telling me to fuck off. When they finally played it we were on the porch smoking.
So naturally, I kept calling over and over requesting they play it again because I missed it.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-19 at 8:48 PM UTCWHOOP WHOOP!
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2020-05-19 at 10:26 PM UTC
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2020-05-20 at 1:02 AM UTCDay 84 of fucking with Reno:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAP1y7ohFfo&fbclid=IwAR2SSdkVbrkvB-0Zh8bFlztys7W8i6-BH3zmWAcqQ8nZEIkhPCWhQRm23-AThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-20 at 1:42 AM UTCI know you niggas saw that. Fuck you. A simple, "That's retarded.", would've sufficed. But no. Just a bunch of haters in this bitch.
I'm accomplishing something here in multiple ways. Ground breaking stuff. And none of you mother fuckers want to help. It's like trying to run your own business. Problem after problem that is usually not your fault. But you know what? THE LONGEST THREAD ON THE INTERNET gets done.
No help from the day laborers. -
2020-05-20 at 1:51 AM UTC
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-20 at 2:32 AM UTC
Originally posted by OMGPLZUNBAN Day 84 of fucking with Reno:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAP1y7ohFfo&fbclid=IwAR2SSdkVbrkvB-0Zh8bFlztys7W8i6-BH3zmWAcqQ8nZEIkhPCWhQRm23-A
Damn that was poignant
More shower films. Maybe wet food in the future. -
2020-05-20 at 2:42 AM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER Damn that was poignant
More shower films. Maybe wet food in the future.
I'm trying to make a video a day. Poast helped with this idea. I was going to save it for another idea but he pushed me. I think it turned out pretty good. But I'm running out of ideas.
I need some niggas in space to help brain storm. *edited* told me I should just jerk off in front of a camera. We can't go that far. Retarded is acceptable but stupid is, well stupid. There's no humor in jerking off in front of a camera.
Here's the full clip which I think is funnier than the cut one. You can tell I'm just over it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZoK-dogXrw -
2020-05-20 at 2:44 AM UTC
