I need a new computer key board. Going back through what I wrote today. Jesus. I'm not that bad of a typer. I know how to spell and everything. I swear it's this shitty key board.
Then I buy a new one and it turns out I was the retard the whole time. Fuck me,
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I got a story. My brother and I went on a trip. Drove 9 hours east to go find ammonites and stay at a buddies place. My brother, he smokes a ton of pot. A ton. So we're driving around looking for good fossil hunting spots that hopefully no one has found yet. Hiking here and there, driving down back roads and hiking again. Just searching the area for good formations.
We're driving down the main road looking for another off road and a trooper passes us. He slows down and I say, "Dude. You're getting pulled over." He does and they take him out of the vehicle to the cruiser. I'm thinking we're fucked. I don't smoke personally and I don't know how this is going to play out.
One of the cops come up to my window and tells me he smelled marijuana. I told him I don't smoke and my brother told me he had his green card. So I sit in the car for 20 minutes looking in the mirror as they're giving him all the tests and have him blow into the breathalyzer. I have no service or anything on my phone. I'm thinking I'm fucked. It's balls to the wall windy and I'm watching this bird trying to probably get home. Like Bob Seger he's going against the wind. Every time the bird flys up it goes 5 feet back. I feel for the bird because I think I too, am fucked.
My brother comes to the truck with the two cops and opens up his container of pot to show them. Apparently one of the cops had never seen pot before and asked if he could see. My brother, fucking love that kid, 'Oh yeah! No problem!' Then showed them some of the fossils we had found. The cops let us on our way and my brother said, "I forgot that I have a hand gun under the seat." I reply, "Is it from dad?". He assures it is. "Dude, dad has never registered a gun in his life. So you got pulled over, claimed you have weed with an unregistered gun under the front seat. That's hilarious."
And when they breathalyzed him it showed all zeros. The cops joked that he blew donuts. It took a couple hours later before I got the joke.
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Originally posted by My Wife Is Dead
Meh, you're the one going on political rants in a lolcat thread.
This burn is so brutal. Pointing out the absurdity of what he was actually doing. Of all platforms to voice an opinion, a fucking LOLcat thread? I doubt there's a good come back to that. I wouldn't be surprised if he stops posting in this thread over that small sentence.
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One time my brother spit and some got on him. This was back when we didn't get along. So I told him that he spit on himself. His response, "I don't give a fuck." and spit straight onto his chest to prove that point.
On the camping trip where we found a fossilized COCKodile I pulled the exact same thing in front of him around the camp fire. I blatantly spit on my shirt and says, "Is that how stupid I looked?" I was like yeah. But I did it for comedy. You were serious.
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Originally posted by Headspin
So when I got out, it had already been over 4 and a half years since I got laid, been in a relationship, whatever. So naturally I turn to online dating, especially considering everything was getting put on lockdown because of the coronavirus.
Lots of dead ends, made a couple friends (although one isnt talking to me right now and I'm giving her some space, but I miss that girl, shes on a whole other level compared to most people I've met), and at that point there was one "woman" who I was talking to regularly. Someone who expressed interest in me and sounded like she wanted to continue going deeper.
Now, mind you, this woman, you would have never been able to tell she was ever a dude. She gave no hints other than asking me if I was open minded in the beginning. I asked her what she meant (which is basically obvious expression now to me) and she didnt explain.
She was Guatemala native, and there was a large translation gap between us so a lot of the things she would say I would chalk up to that. I guess I was naive about it, and maybe didnt want to think that there was any possibility for this person to be ts. I even remember at one point being slightly suspicious and from that moment held any emotional connection off until I knew for sure.
A couple weeks later it turned out that she was TS, and initially I got upset and asked her why she didnt tell me that at first. After a few moments reflection, I told her it was ok and that I understood, but that I just wasnt attracted to that type. She cried, and to he honest that TS was the most beautiful man I ever met and I dont give a fuck what ya'll think.
She was a good person, and not like most TS you meet who are all promiscuous and idk, you know how they act I guess.
My coworkers got a kick out of that story because they were following the whole thing along with me while i was talking to her. We all agreed that you would never had been able to tell unless she came out and said it.
Still single, still haven't been laid in 5 motha fuckin years. I'm chillin though, I'm not the type to force that type of thing and plus, I got the advantage to be picky about my next woman at this point.
Great post. I'll give you a free 100% custom LOLcat in THE LONGEST THREAD IN THE INTERNET. But I'm not in the mood right now.
If you have anything specific you want 100% free custom LOLcatted send it my way. It's been a rough day for me.
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Originally posted by Headspin
Thanks, glad I could finally make it to the party. Where is my 100% custom LOLcat? I require initiation to feel truly accepted.
You get the priveledge of my first upside down 100% custom free LOLcat. Working upsidedown was tricky but I feel I caught the mood and vibrance of your personality. Almost has a kafkaesque feel to it. Art deco if you will.
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Originally posted by Headspin
Well now I have things in perspective a little bit as to who is who around here and from the past. I feel at home, sort of.
Fuck you faggot.
Page 64 bitches!
(I would like to apologize to my friends and family for this comment. It does not represent who I am as a person and further, I would like to apologize to my mother. She raised me better than this and she now looks at me with a hint of disdain in her eyes. I hope to one day make it right through my actions but it's going to take time. My apologies to everyone.)
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Yesterday I went by the house where I had those, (probably), underage girls passed out in their yard. The mom was raking and I wanted to try to explain how I get how weird of a request it was. "Yeah. It was weird." So I asked if she wanted to look up the video to show I did have a plan. "No. I'm good."
I just responded, "I was trying to make it less weird and awkward but now it's even more weird." "I think you should leave." "No problem. I'm sorry."
I think I'm done with street footage. Unless I get the right idea.
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Since the last video is done it's back to fucking with Reno. I needed like an 8 second shot for when the song hits so I walked outside and asked a neighbor.
"Will you help me film a part for a video? I'm going to be holding this hand saw and strip almost naked. I only need about 10 seconds but just record 20. You cool with that?"
Originally posted by My Wife Is Dead
But dude, look at it! It even has a little tail! OMG is slipping in his old age or alcoholism. Might be time he retires from the lolcat business. He posted an undoctored photo of literal shit, and with a few strokes of paint I turned that motherfucker into an exact replica of a living breathing cat indistinguishable from the real thing. OMG GET BENT!
Not going to lie. It's pretty good for an amateur. But for an ideal 100% custom LOLcat you'd take the color up and into the ears.
Keep at it though. You got flair kid.
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So I was getting footage on the streets. I would go up to someone in their yard and ask to help take a 30 second video. Mostly old white dudes taking care of their lawn. Out of meybe 12 people only one dude said yes. But he had no comedic timing.
I saw two teenage girls climbing out of a window and they agreed to help. Then their mom came out and I'm pretty sure she called the cops on me. I mean how would you feel to find your daughters filming a shirtless, shoeless fat guy sprawled out in your yard with a half gallon of vodka and your daughter is kicking him as he wakes up and murmers, "Why won't you take me back?"
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