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Posts by Malice
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2016-01-12 at 8:32 AM UTC in I just realized something...
I just don't talk to my neighbors, or my co-workers, or anyone really.
I wonder how many people here and on TOTSE/Zoklet have/had undiagnosed autism spectrum disorders. Not sure if a thread on Aspeger's was ever made, a test linked to. -
2016-01-12 at 8:11 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionSome searching led me to this: http://theinvisiblestrings.com/aspergers-depression-masking-effect/
I wonder if I was depressed from the beginning. Even as a child I was predisposed to being melancholy, I remember just sitting away from everyone else during recess, not sure how often I had no friends.
http://theinvisiblestrings.com/ein-pechvogel-stories-from-high-school/#more-1367
First story really reminded me of myself, it's pretty funny. Going to dig around that site more. -
2016-01-12 at 7:42 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionI am honestly amazed by how autistic and maladjusted I am. I mean, looking back on my existence, wow. I managed to completely miss out on life and convince myself there was nothing out there worth doing, people worth meeting.
At least if I ever make it past this and recover experiencing things for the first time might be mindblowing, like showing really cool shit in the world to a child.
Also, I think these binaural beat soundtracks may be effecting my perception of time. Things seem to be going by much faster than before (Am I having more fun posting?), they may be inducing more of a flow state. In conjunction with the LSD after effect. Actually, without the music, this may not have occurred, I don't think I felt this way when I got up. -
2016-01-12 at 7:35 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionHad a prolonged microdose LSD session yesterday, combined with my usual array of substances, must have been what did this. Potent anti-depressive effect achieved, although since I'm starting off from scoring near the maximum, and there are physical (physiological/neurological) changes, damage that has occurred over a lifetime, along with the immense ingrained psychological aspect, you can't expect a sudden dramatic turnaround. At the very least there will still be a wide variety of factors that need to be addressed. Imagine a large array of bar graphs, some bars get pushed up, others much less so or not at all.
It's really that good? Reason I never took much interest in it is because it just seemed shitty. Not sure how strong the antidepressant nootropic, beneficial neurological, effects are. Lack of quantification and specificity, a standard problem when people cite studies. Then there's the whole issue that fits into of properly analyzing them, identifying and taking into account (possible) flaws etc.
​I hated low dose (es)ketamine. Variation of experience, you know. Some people just don't have the right genes or whatever's impacting it (set and setting, personality, life history/past experiences, beliefs, habits).
My hero an hero
How the hell have I never seen a live show? Well, except that first day I came to the bay area due to the guy xannex knew and asked to let me crash on his couch for a few days, but that wasn't by choice and it wasn't that great (Hazmat warehouse punk show).
I think I literally became so autistic I became lost in my own mind and forget there was a world outside myself. Well, that and all the other problems, the cluster of symptoms with a wide variety of disorders. "Other people ruin the experience." That may have been one of the main thoughts I had, along with other autistic justifications, such as music quality, how recordings can be perfected. I remember there being a thread related to this on one of the various forums, possibly Zoklet, that I responded to, and someone else said that a guy they knew with Aspergers had given them similar reasons.
Oh, autistic stumbling and blunder(ing). "Don't you just hate it when the cork pops out and hits you in the eye like a big pizza pie in the sky?"
After showing this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0M7ibPk37_U
to Nero/WTAC, something along the lines of, "Malice, how is it possible that you're simultaneously the most hilarious and autistic user."
Haha, oh, memories...Seriously, how the fuck did I literally go 12 years without any personal relationships IRL? Who does that? What the fuck is wrong with me, has to be wrong with you for you to do that to begin with? Well, I mean, everything that led to this aside, IRL isn't like in the movies, it is generally pretty underwhelming, inadequate (weltschmerz), the vast majority of people are, to me, pretty bad and uninteresting.well good job malice, you've engrained yourself as a permanent fixture in my thought process. Sometimes I find myself in a conversation and I think "malice would jump in here and accuse them of a fallacy and demean their world view" in real life.
I thought of this and jokingly responding, "You know, gay marriage is legal now." Then thought about the possible tax benefits. That led to thinking about and realizing that you could now profit by marrying high income males for citizenship, with a good prenup.
...
I need to get on that before the market develops and increased supply pushes down prices. First-mover advantage. Then again, market development > increased awareness > increased demand from awareness and development of the market making things easier/more beneficial for consumers; could lead to a higher price. Then again, again, there's the increase risk that would bring from the statist thugs being increasingly aware of abuse/fraud, changes enacted in response to this. Timing the market, investing in general, is an absolute bitch. Not nearly as simple as the proles/commoners assume, it requires an enormous of research, very dry reading, dry activity in general, for things like stocks it can require daily monitoring, which is why long ago I decided that investing definitely was not for me. I think it may have been during high school that I read A Random Walk Down Wall Street and determined, after some other reading and thought, that investing definitely wasn't something I ever wanted to try to make my primary income from because of how unenjoyable it clearly was, how problematic beating the market is. On the other hand, if you're willing to break the law and go to be creative and extreme measures... Jesus, was I thinking about shorting stocks and detonating explosives in buildings, other forms of sabotage/damage, at that age?
I really should have a text file dedicated to this: Crazy ideas/schemes. Oh, I actually do have one that encapsulates this, but I either haven't been using it consistently or I've just been so depressed there wasn't anything during that period.
But, back to the marriage-citizenship for profit idea, relevant Chinese message boards. What are they gonna do, report you to the US authorities and trace you, set up sting operations? Yeah right, the likelihood. Have a good, concise business proposal, an outline of the plan, your personal qualities, positive attributes, that would make you an ideal choice, superior to competitors, and bag a rich one. Only problem is identifying them, the optimal method for locating/selecting and contacting them. Then you'd also have to hope they wouldn't have superior options. I mean, they could know someone, maybe a poor immigrant family someone they know knows, somewhere down the line of social connections, with a daughter who would love to do this and be a much cheaper and for them, what they would perceive to be, a safer option. Familiarity, personal familiarity, (ethnic) nepotism/bias, gender bias. On the other hand, you could sell this as being preferable because they wouldn't have to deal with someone who could have a very high risk of becoming emotionally involved, fucking things up (selling point, your awareness and level of knowledge on what needs to be done, how to avoid pitfalls). Unless they had someone in the US they actually wanted to be married to, but, I don't know...I mean, you'd essentially be buying a wife. Would they really want that? Hmm, like, what if a UC Berkeley graduate was contacted and offered $x, women and hypergamy, gender realism...no, seems too unlikely, difficult. Attempting to find someone overseas to start a relationship with, or someone who had moved and attained citizenship. Then there's the gay stigma, which, particularly for the wealthy, they would have to worry about, worry about their image. You could attempt to hide it, lie, but without a good plan, due to the process required, the citizenship process, the fear of someone finding out may be too great. No doubt it's been done before and there are women who were willing to do it. Main change is that men are much more likely to be willing to break the law and the on average positive attributes of men, the thinking/feeling scale, greater emotional control, propensity toward and adherence to rationalism.
http://www.pbs.org/newshour/updates/chinese-millionaires-buy-u-s-citizenship/
This would be way cheaper and easier. Oh, I wonder if any major East Asian gangs/criminal networks in SF are involved in this or would have good connections. -
2016-01-12 at 6:13 AM UTC in I just realized something...I know that feel. Children peeking through your screen door, knocking on your door and running away (one time about 7 times in a row), running away when they see you coming, hearing one of them gasp in fear when you're adjusting your yagi antenna outside your window and they see your face, overhearing them say they think you're crazy due to how bizarre your behavior is, how they've noticed you hardly ever go outside, speak, have almost never said a word to them despite living there for years, how off/insane you look, the impression your demeanor and personal quirks, movement pattern and facial expression, give, overhearing them ask their kid in an angry voice whether they've been playing in the area outside your front door, noticing they stopped doing so and having relatives over after you freaked out on DMT and started screaming because you were disoriented and thought you had fallen onto the hot plate and burned yourself, which must have been very unnerving since it was pretty much the first thing they'd ever heard from your apartment, other than sounds of daily living like running water and vacuuming, and you noticed that those bastards didn't even check to see if you were OK, but may have quickly left by car, at least the relatives, then you realized what happened and that it had only been about 4-minutes and decided to do quick damage control by putting on a hat to cover your face, knocking on their door, and saying "I fell and hit my head, sorry.", then repeating it, called your landlord and gave her this story, told her to call them and tell them that because they hadn't answered and you think you may have frightened them, then also leaving a note outside their door, the constant window creeping and antenna adjusting they may have noticed from problems caused by cannabis, possibly hearing one of them say to someone on the phone (something like "he has antenna on his window...I think he needs help, can you help him?"), stomping on the floor at times to harass you, possibly from being annoyed by the sound having the water on may make or the heater/vent in the bathroom, or just in response to everything else and not wanting you here anymore, other passive aggressive behavior, possibly stealing your doormat, and who knows what they may have said to the landlord, among each other, the comments, speculations/assumptions, gossip, lies.
At time I had the urge, visualized, just grabbing my AR-15 and opening fire through the roof, poisoning them, killing their children, other methods to get them out, remove them, acquire vengeance. -
2016-01-12 at 5:51 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
bundy you fucking faggot
That's an interesting thought. Could bundy allow you to attain everything I wrote about above? The bundy state allow you to experience everything, or at least the final point, "I don't want anything and I am content." -
2016-01-12 at 5:48 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionI wonder if there's an egocentric version of nirvana/enlightenment. In the past I was genuinely insanely egocentric, before my self-image crumbled and I became insanely depressed, I would be able to induce feelings of ASMR, that pleasurable tingly feeling that can spread throughout your body like a wave, just by thinking about how great and unique I was. I genuinely saw myself as the greatest, most perfect and unique, person on Earth and would just have moments when I would feel this, possibly after a particularly good post I made, maybe inhale some air and let out a sigh the way you do at times when you're really taking something in and enjoying it, feeling a sort of serenity. For example, during certain teardowns of people, such as Brain Surgeon on RDFRN, it was a sort of malicious and egotistical version of the flow state, a stream of schadenfreude, sadistic enjoyment. Thinking about that, there are some people who, lacking empathy, seem to have genuinely taking great pleasure in the suffering of others, in vengeance, conquest, committing damage to their enemies, those they disliked, and there is an unfortunate evolutionary basis for this. I think I may have actually actively tried and learned to develop and effect it, augment the feeling and get it to spread throughout my entire body. Well, all my potential was wasted, I was highly damaged, damage was occurring from so many things that were and went wrong in my life, I just hadn't realized and come to terms with it yet. A sort of autistic nirvana, being wrapped in my own bubble of an inner world of dreams and delusion.
Maybe it is possible, even compatible. Just feeling at peace and content with yourself, evoking the feeling that you're perfect the way you are. You can still view things realistically, try to improve yourself, see flaws, things you want to change, just without attaching negative emotions to it. Seeing a destination, a goal, and travelling towards it without the feeling of desire, the pain caused by feeling there's something you don't have, you lack, that's wrong, the feeling of attempting to fill a hole in yourself, in your heart, always needing something more. If they are different feelings, evoked by different thoughts, I wonder if you could manage to evoke both at the same time. I mean, naturally certain things evoke happiness, it doesn't come from nowhere, and of course there's an evolutionary history behind it, but it's something that's mentioned a lot in writing relating to Buddhism, that happiness is a choice, choosing to be happy. It just seems to feel unrealistic, even wrong, cause immense resistance, to many people, and would likely take a great deal of work, but spirituality and pseudoscience aside, there have been legitimate well done studies of meditation masters, people who have spent decades devoting many hours of their days to meditative practices, the variety of Buddhist practices and thought, and the monitoring and analysis of brain activity, reactions, abilities etc., gauging differences, quantifying traits, does seem to confirm that they can achieve something remarkable. It's just bizarre, if you don't see it as cultish and empty/hollow, a waste of a life, understand the value of meditation and what the general process they go through may be able to achieve, think about and understand neuroplasticity and the changes the brain may be able to undergo after countless hours over a lifetime, how radically different from the norm their state of consciousness, the way they "feel" and experience the world, their inner world, may become.
Then there's always the wireheading idea, just stimulate certain areas of the brain, maybe even utilize implants. Hmm...augmentation. There's bound to have been significant research already, although it's very troublesome/problematic, which limits this. Cost, time, you know, R&D, the complexity of the brain, immense regulatory hurdles, ethical considerations, then the whole problem of actually having human subjects who can give feedback, accurately convey a complex description of what they're experiencing, the changes they perceive. Then again, animals and scans/tests may generally be close enough for some things, but with the complexity of human emotion, cognitive processes, the brain in general, many things may just be out of reach. Just brought to mind this, that we may see it available within our lifetimes, which is going to be very interesting.
Oh, it reminds me of a thought I had yesterday. I was reflecting on my life, what it lacked, the major factors that caused problems and led to this. Asked myself what I wanted. Happiness, love, meaningful/fulfilling relationships/connections, power, fulfillment, whether the "dark side", a state of egocentricity,enjoyment of malice, sadism, chaos (Think of The Joker in The Dark Knight) is sustainable, whether it's really so wrong, if you could move past the inner conflict, the pain of what your actions may cause you in a moment of weakness, if you couldn't keep empathy, guilt and regret, a bay, whether it would always be a path to self-destruction and the "positive" emotions listed above were the superior path that could bring something greater, enduring, a deeper and more enjoyable feeling. Then weltschmerz, the mismatch between the ideal and the biological, knowing you aren't really in control, how illusory it is after realizing how massive the impact of biological forces, genes, neurotransmitters, the effects of you environment and everything that has occurred to you, have had on you and swept away your ideas of living through will power and rationalism alone. Seeing certain things that, stemming from evolution, may give us things that other experiences can't, but are immoral, that you see massive problems with, the immense flaws and tradeoffs, having children being the prime example to me. The overwhelming complexity of life/reality, the world, of how many things to desire and attain there are, the variations, combinations, interactions.
"I want to stop wanting anything."
Perhaps I am destined to become Buddha 2.0. A dark version of the Buddha, Sith Lord/Emperor Palpatine Buddha. The great uniter.
Good god, what if this is the path that makes people become like ate? -
2016-01-12 at 4:44 AM UTC in Individuals Who Need To Step Forward And Identify Themselves On This SiteHe's so alone he can't accept it. The people in his life are gone.
That's actually pretty depressing, because I can fully relate. Spectral really could just be a very sad, lonely old man whose life was online, the main, possibly only, people he could really relate to, that gave him some semblance of what he wanted, being in the community. Damn binaural beats and NALT, making me empathetic. -
2016-01-12 at 4:18 AM UTC in Fuck Individualism
I've been isolating myself from everyone I know more and more gradually over the past couple years. It looks like this road leads to a dark place.
It does: https://www.reddit.com/r/Nootropics/comments/3u999j/toward_a_neurology_of_loneliness_the_neurological/
Get off it as soon as you can. Don't convince yourself otherwise, try to find or believe there's an alternative. I went down this path farther than nearly anyone, there isn't. As flawed as people are, the world/society is, it can't be worse than how this ended up being. Find good people in your life that you can trust, relate to, be open with; that give you everything you really want, ideally, or as close as you can get. They're out there, and you may have to improve yourself, analyze yourself, engage in introspection, see yourself completely honestly, and change, to be able to find and attract them, be good enough for them, to be in their lives and keep them (We all have limited time, this is just the way things are. It hurts that you have to compete and people can't just accept everyone, you, far what they are, but this is just the way things are, we're all bound and limited by physical/biological reality.) -
2016-01-12 at 4:11 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDX8QrcDI_o
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RI-_uP2JJYU
Never tried them before, my impression was that they seemed sort of gay/lame and pseudoscience-ish. I have to admit, they're pretty relaxing. Good for dealing with stress, anxiety, anger, negative emotions/emotional states in general. Also aren't particularly distracting like standard music is, I tend to block one or the other when reading, being focused on something intensively. -
2016-01-11 at 11:50 AM UTC in I bet the powerball gets up to a billion...Track down the person who won it, monitor them, and strike if suitable, create a plan to make them a suitable target if not.
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2016-01-11 at 11:46 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionFound this amusing: TIL a 1913 survey of US children working under difficult conditions in factories found that 412 out of 500 would rather work in sweatshops than the "monotony, humiliation, and cruelty" of school.
As a far-rightist/right-libertarian/culturally alternative right/anarcho-capitalist/fascist sympathizer/moral monster - evil, things of this nature please me greatly.
>In addition to what everyone else is saying about money, school was also very different back then. Corporal punishment was pretty much universally accepted at all age levels... The words "humiliation" and "cruelty" are not even a slight exaggeration.
>While the stereotype is of the kid forced to work to help their impoverished parents, this book argues that sweatshop kids kept most of their earnings for themselves, and their combined spending power on non-necessities powered the rise of Coca-Cola, fast food, and baseball:
http://www.amazon.com/Generations-History-Americas-Future-1584/dp/0688119123
The book also argues that most sweatshop child labor only worked part-time - they essentially worked just long enough to earn that day's spending money.
If true, it makes additional sense why they preferred work over school.
2.)
Thinking about my past behavior, how micro/low dose LSD allows greater access to memories, greater vividness: Good god I was a troubled/fucked up kid. Even in my 20s, up until now, I've had some incredibly dark thoughts, horrible desires/plans, insanely violent (revenge) fantasies, extremely unhealthy behavior, there being no intermediate point between being indifferent to someone or annoyed by their presence due to being human and genuinely wanting to brutally murder, even horrifically torture them, at the slightest serious provocation, something purposefully done. On the other hand, I do have an an honor code and strict adherence to rationality, which comes naturally, so accidents, no matter how bad, elicit no reaction at all. "That's fine, don't worry about it." Christ, someone I meet with IRL faults me and I replay things over and over in my mind multiple times a day for years afterward, systematize/analyze every aspect of their being from the information I observed, want to tear apart every fiber of their being, destroy them with every of theirs. I've had insanely violent thoughts and desires, and I think I genuinely wanted to commit them. Completely blowing up over things, and if being If what was holding me back, the shackles/binders, were removed, could I become a monster?
Back to the teen years. It has me considering whether I was just incredible damaged and maladjusted or am I seriously certifiably insane, capable of a Jekyll/Hyde fluctuation where I'm capable of being an absolute psychopathic homicidal monster. I've done and wanted to do, planned, some fucked up things, had an incredibly dark mentality.
An overview of my life would be required to fully understand this, along with my theory as to what factors, environment, events in life, predispositions/traits, genes/biological/neurological factors likely led to this. Some of what I plan to tell the psychiatrist I'll be meeting with. I possibly could have become a serial killer, mass murderer, terrorist/extremist, or some similarly terrible actor at the most extreme fringes of society. Why aren't there more evil geniuses? Geniuses that were abused as children, or had other things occur, dark lives leaving to dark paths? Is my situation so unusual that if I were cured of depression and possibly even became hypomanic (Nardil +NSI-189), managed to pull a miracle and repaired most of the damage that's been done (NSI-189 to treat hippocampal atrophy, key factor, the physical neurological change caused by chronic severe depression stress and other conditions, induce neurogenesis in the positive hemispheres of the hippocampus and amygdala. Valproic acid to restore neuroplasticity to a juvenile state and greatly augment intensive therapy, the effects of therapeutic relationships and social experiences.). maybe even TMS, preferably rTMS/deep repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation, to greatly accelerate the recover of the physical damage done to the brain. If I succeeded, but still had the same mentality, now unbound, the same incredibly unhealthy/destructive mentality and desires, the maladjustment, aberrant psychological development; I fear for what may happen.
I'm serious, it's a bit frightening when you have to seriously consider whether you may genuinely be insane and may not be able to trust yourself at times, could commit an act that could incredibly haunt you at later moments. I remind myself of Yuno Gasai often: https://www.google.com/search?biw=1366&bih=667&tbm=isch&sa=1&q=yuno+gasai+psycho -
2016-01-11 at 10:47 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
I thought your post was going to end on this note and then my thought process was like this:
That's ironic
I should quote his reply with a link to irony on wikipedia
it's almost too ironic, was that a joke?
definitely a joke, and if I had replied he would have insinuated I was "poor at interpreting meaning" or something like that
so I'll ignore the post
or maybe I could point out I was able to pick up on his subtle joke and in so doing dispel any lingering concerns about being an autist
well good job malice, you've engrained yourself as a permanent fixture in my thought process. Sometimes I find myself in a conversation and I think "malice would jump in here and accuse them of a fallacy and demean their world view" in real life.
I like you, Lanny. : )
I actually didn't intentionally do that or catch it.
Unrelated: Microdose LSD as a masturbation/sex aid. Greatly increases visualization ability along with ability to emulate tactile sensations and other senses, along with a mild stimulatory boost/widespread dopamine subreceptor agonism, and, for me, empathy, the ability to feel connection, or at least with the versions of people I can conjure in my mind (reminds me of a scene in Evangelion, final episodes, about the various yous, one of them being the you that's perceived by others), they feel much more "real", better theory of mind, like, a greater understanding of who they are, or, in this case, a more full developed person rather than just a superficial physicality conjured merely for crass sexual arousal.
Related thought: If you're ever going to have gay sex, being a bottom seems to be by far the most worthwhile position. Giving, it's not much different than with a woman, and anal doesn't appeal to me, a vagina is just much better suited, has many benefits. As for anal being "tighter", that's only for the anus/sphincter, past that there's isn't really much tightness. Although, pounding a prostate and making someone come solely through that is pretty cool and arousing. When receiving, if you've developed yourself to the point where you're capable of being fully open with yourself, you receive a pleasure that somewhat mimics what women may feel (Lanny). Easier to imagine yourself in their position on LSD and empathogens (NALT is an interesting thing to experiment with, much more sustainable than MDMA. 4-FA is pretty sustainable, but as with MDMA, can cause problems with orgasming/ejaculation and maintaining erection. The latter two may be overkill without something to compensate for this, unless you happen to handle them fine at the optimal dose for this.). Being put face down, your smooth full round ass, developed through heavy full squats, being an object of great arousal, nice and plump for grabbing and smacking, like a woman's. Your penis can be bent backward between your legs, which has a nice effect, and stroked, licked, sucked on a bit beforehand. Then some hotdogging, the arousal of feeling a throbbing erect full penis pressing against you, lusting, and, best of all, the initial insertion, followed by full penetration, working up to a rapid succession of long strokes, slapping against you, scrotum against scrotum if in the right position, or your the shaft of your penis is grabbed and pulled back, moving the scrotum with it into position where it can be tapped, providing great supplementary stimulation, which I've found can be key for triggering orgasm, at least from the front (Wrote about this at one point, spurred by my experience and development of optimal masturbatory technique, my theory as to it being a natural trigger, normally signalling, during heterosexual sex, that full tenting has occurred, the female is fully aroused and receptive, and full penetration being the optimal point to deposit sperm, the cervix of a woman actually "dipping" downward during orgasm.(Filthy fucking evolution. Goddamn these ape biological vessels.)); skin slapping against skin. The immense arousal from the taboo factor, how gay it is, that you actually have a penis inside you, are engaging in gay sex and enjoying it shamelessly, every aspect of it, including the pleasure the penetrator is receiving, feeling the thick, fully engorged, throbbing penis inside you, the vocalization of pleasure, the faster tempo, grabbing and slapping, signs of climax approaching and a nice hot sticky load being deposited.
You mentioned something before about not being sure if you could get over the idea that it's degrading, likely due to cultural conditioning, which, unfortunately, is standard and has a strong influence most are unable to cast off (to a large extent). Similar to religion and early indoctrination, how many intelligent people are, unfortunately, never able to see past that nonsense. In this case, gender roles, a natural biological factor, masculinity and the importance of social perceptions, particularly for those that are fairly normal/neurotypical, "well adjusted", and more collective oriented. I've actively tried to develop shamelessness throughout my life, one of the various fine tunings of my mental architecture. Engage in introspection and awareness, note something you feel should be improved, a mistake you make, repeatedly correct/alter behavior when the opportunity arises. Along with a general libertarian psychological profile. Independence, lower feeling of connection, lack of value of tradition/cultural norms, concern for conventional morality, strong negative reaction to infringement on personal liberty, not motivated by external factors (culture, ethnicity/race, making parents proud, perceptions of others, authority). You know it's illogical, it really need not be degrading if neither of you perceive it that way, and in a healthy open relationship that's as it should be (ideals vs what's common.)
Along with oral. You have so much more to work with compared to a clitoris, and who knows better what's pleasurable than a man who has actually experienced it. Feeling the full, thick, throbbing warmth filling your mouth. The pleasure of utilizing and developing your skills, techniques, to give maximal pleasure. -
2016-01-10 at 10:49 PM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionPessimistic bias:
www.google.com/search?q=site:econlib.org+pessimism+OR+pessimistic+bias
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mean_world_syndrome
People are generally just very under and uninformed, driven by emotion, prefer, find it more intuitive and easier to understand, and are more influenced by anecdotes, appeals to emotion/emotional manipulation, rather than hard data, have a poor grasp of reason/logic, cognitive ability, all these cognitive biases etc. Really, this is a critical aspect of so many things. It's depressing, and most are probably hopeless due to the basis, how unlikely it is to change (significantly or in meaningful ways, ways that will produce a significant change in the world). -
2016-01-10 at 4:21 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
fun fact: most of your female ancestors were raped in their lifetimes.
the vast majority of your ancestors were peasants for thousands of years and, before that, tribeswomen for tens of thousands of years, each of whom would be raped during and after every armed conflict between warring kingdoms, duchies, counties, tribes, or even families – regardless of the victor.
Random comment I came across, but something I hadn't really though about before. I wonder how prevalent rape was in the past, particularly during conflicts. As I've mentioned multiple times before in various parts, the idea that hunter-gatherers were generally peaceful is a complete myth: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_Before_Civilization -
2016-01-10 at 2:13 AM UTC in Most Disturbing"I used to spend some time her in my younger years, and I can tell you that I was full of shit"
lel, thought this seemed familiar. -
2016-01-09 at 9:48 PM UTC in quitting weed
im trying to quit weed because ive been on a shitload of thc from dabs and edibles for like 2 fuckin years now and the cumulative effects of never being sober were starting to make me go all manic and slightly delusional and shit like im losing my fuckin mind.
anyways, the last day i smoked was the 2nd and i was actually normal for a couple days but since then ive been sleeping like a few hours a night and keep waking up drenched in sweat. anyone ever go through this? how long is it going to take to go away? i got shit to do and cant keep going off 3 hours of sleep every goddamn night
I thought I had responded to this.
The negative effects of cannabis, especially high doses and from chronic use, are widely overlooked. Due to the way the majority of people think they simply fluctuate between extremes. They realize what the obviousness of the drug war propaganda, and then simply switch to the other polar end. Weed was ridiculously demonized, so now it's natural, it's not a drug, it's (just) a plant, it's good for you, medicinal, compare it to the effects of a commonly accepted legal drug, alcohol (contrast changes nothing about its effects, if you compare heroin to cyanide, it's going to look pretty damn good by comparison). People mindlessly accept anything positive they hear about it and hemp.
As for your sleep, I don't know the mechanism by which it does so, but cannabis seems to effect sleep, sleep architecture. Reports regularly indicate that it may remove or greatly decrease REM (dreaming), possibly the ability to remember it as well, which could skew perceptions. A rebound effect is also commonly noted, which is likely what you're experiencing. Even if you don't remember vivid dreams/nightmares, you may still be experiencing very light stages of sleep with some activity, anxiety related, that causes you to awaken prematurely. -
2016-01-09 at 9:15 PM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
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2016-01-09 at 10:27 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionI don't see why sacrifice would likely be preferable to assimilation. Then again, you'd have to grapple with questions of consciousness.
One idea I've had is to create a dead man's switch that is triggered if the human race is (attempted to be) exterminated. Greatly raise the cost of exterminating humans so that assimilating if preferable, even if it's simply done on an amoral basis, an efficiency calculation. There's also the risk factor. You could set up the DMS so that there's an unknown risk, possibly enough to take out the whole earth, or at least do a massive amount of damage. You wouldn't need one central device, you could have multiple, and also have it done in a way that would make it very unlikely or costly for it to find it, even if it was somehow able to tap into great pools of information, possibly even human minds. This could be a solution to the risks of AI some are concerned about.
Then again, there's the question of how we could concretely confirm that people, their essence, if there could be said to be such a thing, was actually being assimilated. There's also the possibility that as a response it could put us into some sort of virtual prison or hell, although that seems to be petty. Then there's the question of what it would actually be like to be a singular being. Would it be awareness of everything at once in a way, or would it be segmented, with independent factors. Like, imagine how shitty it would be if somehow your consciousness ended up being centered around a sector dedicated to a mundane parochial repetitive task.
Scary as shit. What if AIs aren't concerned with, don't have a need for pleasure like we do, and the experience is just absolutely cold, mechanical, centered on efficiency; as opposed to a heavenly scenario similar to a continuation of the line of thought in The Hedonistic Imperative. The finality of death and permanent cessation of consciousness, or existence, or AI and things we likely can't even imagine or predict. Either one is scary as hell. At least with death you may have an eternal reprieve, as a part of AI, you may drag on through a sort of hell until the bitter end of the universe simply out of strict adherence to rationality. "The (over)mind is willing, and the flesh is no longer weak."
I used to think about shit like this when I was ruminating on my idea for cryogenic suicide, questioning whether that was even what I wanted, whether it would ultimately make any real difference. -
2016-01-09 at 5:41 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionChrist, this chapter in my life is fucking traumatic. What a dark dark fucking place I fell into... I did an unbelievable amount of damage to myself and my life, so many things added up over a lifetime that led to this... This is such a fucked up position to be in.
Why does the human race need to continue to exist other than to fulfill your own selfish desires? Wrote a long related rant here: http://niggasin.space/forum/spurious-generalities/51553-i-dont-wanna-have-a-kid-cause-what-if-it-died-or-something?p=53361#post53361
I suppose a counterargument could be one that I've made before for why the creation of AI/the singularity should be our ultimate goal. If intelligence can roughly be described as the ability to deal with complexity and we base our decisions on the knowledge we have along with utilizing our intelligence, maximizing our abilities increases our chances of coming to a correct choice. So the maximal utility, or even things we aren't capable of comprehending in our current state, the "correct"/optimal choice of action, would be achieved, more than compensating for the arguable immorality of bringing life into existence, which could be incorrect. Damn, I wanted an excuse to hate mothers, though, see parents as immoral, particularly the women. Although, even in that case, the vast majority still shouldn't be having children, at least in the manner they generally do so. Ideally they would be engaging in rational eugenics, choosing the optimal sperm and egg from available donors, if they were suitable for providing a proper environment for that child.
Although, what if the AI we create is an anti-natalist and punishes us for bringing it into existence t fulfill our selfish desires, having to grapple with concepts I describe above? Related to a possible solution I thought of for the Fermi paradox, that AIs/singularities essentially commit "suicide", so societies don't advance beyond that point, it being unlikely that they achieve the capacity for interstellar travel beforehand.
Lanny, one of the things I hate most about (severe) depression are the cognitive effects:
Atrophy as well, which NSI-189 targets.
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/basics/symptoms/con-20032977
Severe anergia. What do I have to be tired of? Nothing. It's not having the energy to live your life. It's not laziness, there's no joy or relaxation in this. I literally never feel relaxed, even before the breakdown I mentioned having a constant feeling that I should be doing something else, a feeling of unease, being unable to just relax and enjoy the moment. There isn't a lac of stress, it's unrelenting from the thoughts that are constantly haunting you, the state you're in. Along with the effects on concentration, it robs you of the flow state, which may be crucial for happiness (haven't researched this, you know I don't like accepting things without verification, at least reading some critiques first). Slowed thinking, a blank mind as well. You lose interest in everything, lose the ability to experience joy, positive emotions, emotions in general. How do you have the drive to do anything in this state? Robbed of energy, unable to utilize more than a fraction of your potential, feeling no pleasure/reward from anything, everything feels hopeless, ultimately futile and pointless. The lack of feeling to connection to anything, to other people, how it drains the world of meaning, emotional coloring; it feels devoid of light, life warmth. It's such a horrible way for everything to feel.
Just saying this because I want you to understand why I haven't been and can't be a good conversational partner now and for the foreseeable future. The damage was being done from the start of my life, but I realized I had really been in a depressive spiral beginning the last 5 years, I was just so out of touch with my emotions and hadn't come to terms with everything, so I overlooked it. Even before that, I've probably always been depressed/melancholy to some extent. It's a shame things couldn't have been different.