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Posts by Malice
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2016-02-13 at 5:09 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
For a lot of years I had this thing where I'd remember some awkward and embarrassing or guilty moment in my past and just feel terrible about it, which is fairly standard I think, we all cringe at our younger selves a bit, but I developed the habit of responding to memories like that by imagining myself dying. Like I'd be walking along, remember that time I lied about watching whatever TV show my 10 year old friends were talking about and got caught, and in response picture the nearest person to me pulling out a gun and shooting me in the head. Or I'd think about jumping out in front of a car or something. That's kind of a mild example of social embarrassment but it was one of a handful of things that really bugged me for whatever reason, a couple of them actually being pretty grim. I think the logic behind it was that creating as immediate of a fear of death as possible would be enough to trigger some part of the fight/flight response and I'd be able to forget whatever I had just thought, which sounds kinda similar to what you're talking about. I did this from grade school until I was like 21.
Eventually it occurred to me (during a trip actually) that that seemed really unhealthy. I made a concerted effort, when I remembered something awkward/painful like that, to engage with the memory and be like "yeah, I did that, I'm responsible for that, but I can't change it". It was actually a pretty hard habit to break because it required I acknowledge something I really didn't want to but I found that as I did so those moments of shame or embarrassment stopped being a cause for anxiety. The stupid things I can laugh about now and the worse ones I still regret but at least I can admit to.
I don't know if any of that is relevant to you, but I think if it is then you're better off engaging with the awful things you're afraid of, even if that's painful to do so, than to be like "well if that happens I'm calling it quits". The stoics had some interesting ideas around preparing yourself for the worst. I think it was Epictetus in particular who advocated always contemplating the worse possible outcomes to a situation so that if it is realized it will be defanged, he thought that our emotional states are fundamentally self-determined and if we refuse, in advance of an outcome, declare ourselves destroyed or crushed by a particular turn of events, then such an outcome won't have power over how we feel. I'm not sure doting on the worst is always the answer but if we place anything as outside the real of "I can deal with that", if we refuse to even contemplate some things, then all we're doing is building it up as the thing that will be our undoing when there's no necessary reason to.
Unnaturally high sensitivity to negativity, negative social events. I noticed the exact same thing in myself, although I didn't realize/come to terms with how incredibly oversensitive I had been all my life, capable of being excessively effected by these events with the effects lasting an unnaturally long time, until some time within the last two years. I also didn't realize how much difficulty I had had in identifying my (underlying) emotions, and that I had likely been depressed to some extent beginning over a decade ago.
I really do wonder what you'd score on a good autism quotient test if you were able to accurately perceive yourself, developed a thorough enough understanding of what autism is, the signs of being on the spectrum (everyone has autistic traits to some extent, what autism is is greatly misunderstood, the common perception of it), reflected on your life and recognized certain signs/traits, came to terms with things.
I also wonder whether, due to the same difficulty I had in recognizing my emotional state, not realizing how unhappy I was/what a lack of joy/pleasure there was in my life relative to other people with healthy lives, you're depressed to some extent, possibly having been for a long period of time.On the other hand I was kind of an unhappy kid. Even for a good chunk of college I was, uhh, not depressed per se but I just didn't feel any "magic", one day was much like the next and I didn't particularly care about any of them, almost all the elements of my existence felt like a slog.
Your lifestyle is much healthier than mine, and your past far less damaging, you have a passion, some social interaction, means of fulfillment, successful; so you're unlikely to lapse into major depression. Still, I wonder if at some point in your life you will, whether there's going to be a point where it will suddenly begin to dawn on you, possibly causing a downward spiral. There does seem to be a predisposition, and many of your behaviors and things I remember about your life history fit.
I don't want it to be true, there's nothing good about this and your suffering will bring me no joy, I won't derive any satisfaction from having been right; but it's going to be interesting if years from now, possibly decades, you'll realize I was right. Then again, ideally you'd fully escape being depressed to any significant extent, develop a life that brings you enough happiness and social/emotional support to create an adequate safety net, and your past wouldn't really matter at that point. -
2016-02-12 at 11:27 PM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionAnother day I won't remember, another day I wished away.
Tedious days punctuated by dismay,
everyday feels the same. -
2016-02-12 at 9:49 PM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionOh god, the universe hates me. I finally managed to get my Nardil prescription on Monday and then ran into delays 3 times trying to get it filled. I wanted it right away, now I'll have to wait until next week.
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2016-02-12 at 5:41 PM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionOh, Lanny, btw, methylene blue significantly potentiates LSD (from experience and in theory, due to it's MOA, it should), and should do the same for other psychedelics: http://www.ceretropic.com/methylene-blue-powder/
It has very nice nootropic, pro-cognitive properties, not simply in terms of increasing cognitive ability in the standard sense, but neuroprotectant properties for long term health and it augments the neurological ATP system (more energy for cognition, stamina).
Mainly though, it's something to consider because you only need about 2.5-5mg or so, a blue microscoop is good enough, and the half life is relatively short, so you'll get the potentiation without it necessarily being really drawn out like other MAOIs will cause or the risks they have. Seems to mainly inhibit MAO-A, possibly reversibly. I've combined it with plugged amphetamine and have been fine (I knew what I was doing), so that's real world evidence of the safety. It's nowhere near as powerful as pharmaceutical MAOIs, so there's no need to worry about the risks those have.
I noticed this when I took it before microdosing LSD. The effect was definitely much stronger than usual, despite the dose being very low. Could save a lot of money and greatly increase how long your stash lasts. Just something that came to mind.Maybe don't post about big time international drug operations on.a public forum, bro.
Oh please, this isn't anywhere near "big time". The idea of me being a drug lord is laughable, and if the feds have ever monitored me they probably know I'm just a sad case. I'm not planning anything anyone would be concerned about, they'd be completely wasting their time. I just like ideas, developing crazy schemes, it's something I've regularly done. -
2016-02-12 at 6:15 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionThis was recommended. A bit pricey, but it's an investment and could be well worth it: http://www.ebay.com/itm/like/141828111511
Find it amusing that they're openly advertising this: http://www.ebay.com/itm/New-OEM-Round-DIE-MOLD-MOULD-SET-for-tablet-press-machine-pill-maker-TDP-0-1-5-5-/111765236967
From Hong Kong, which makes me feel more at ease because you're less likely to end up on a watch list, although the most secure way is to purchase them in a manner that can't be traced to you. -
2016-02-12 at 6 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionI was wrong, it's not just CLEP. The technique encompasses these two as well:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DSST_(standardized_test)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Excelsior_College_Examinations
Also read that taking a GRE gives you a huge amount of course credit (36), but I'm not sure if this is possible anymore. It's a bit muddled and I don't know what may have changed, I wish someone had written a clearer guide documenting exactly what tests you need to take to receive x degree from each of the schools. I'll have to look into the requirements of Charter and Thomas, Excelsior seemed like the top choice at first, but this may no longer be the case.
Also, Charter Oak State College and [FONT=Arial]Thomas Edison State College [/FONT] are the only two others that I'm aware of that also allow this.
If the signatures on this forum, which has a section dedicated to discussing these tests, are accurate, multiple people seem to have entered into Master's programs after attaining a degree from one of these schools, some even earning a PHD. Of course, it's always possible they're lying. May try to contact some of them and ask how they did it, if possible. Always the possibility to game the system, maybe I could play the autism/agoraphobia/severe depression/terrible past and repeated traumatic incidents (pretty much true) sob story; needed an alternative method and had no social connections due to autism. I wonder if they would still be influenced by scores on the SAT/ACT. If not, I wonder if I could still transfer in to major in something else, just to get the actual IRL college experience with the added benefit of having skipped the first two highschool 2.0 years and some of the retards having been weeded out.BS, Info Sys concentration, Charter Oak State College
MA in Educational Tech, George Washington University
PhD in Leadership, U. of the Cumberlands (in progress)
More at http://stevefoerster.comMS Applied Nutrition, Canisius College
AA & BA Social Science, Thomas Edison State College
AOS Culinary Arts, Culinary Institute of America
I would love to experiment with intranasal PRL. It would be a hoot if I managed to increase retention so drastically that I could just breeze though test after test. Especially if the legendary PRL-8-147 comes out in time: https://www.reddit.com/r/Nootropics/comments/3w8ayp/nootropics_depot_discount_code/cxup7vv
Another idea I have for a memory technique is using aromatic oils while studying/memorizing key components/cramming, scent being the strongest tie to memory IIRC. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/State-dependent_memory
I'm surprised I can't find information on this, it makes so much sense. Use different oils/scents while studying various subjects, maybe keep a bandaid on your upper lip with the pad soaked in a bit of it. Could provide a huge boost.
Amusingly, it seems the closest place that I can regularly take these exams is a Phoenix University branch in Oakland. Shady place. I wonder if it would be possible to bribe them into letting me pass as many tests at possible at once; damn that would be sweet. I'm hoping for an underpaid black guy if I choose to consider this route, I could see a bribe being a very real possibility considering it's Phoenix University, but I think it's done on computers now and I don't know if they have access to the answers. -
2016-02-12 at 1:17 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionMy god, I may have found something that could bring a 5-10 fold return. In the process of asking questions and waiting for the responses I need. Shipping (stealth/MBB use), prices for higher quantities, where it's produced (Chinese lab?), purity testing.
Also very curious about the price of morphine powder. Could make a killing with a pill press, only question is how to acquire one (watched item). DIY, modifying parts seems to be the way to go, considering how basic the mechanism is. A 3D printer seems like it would be perfect for making a replication mold, but I don't have access to one or any experience. -
2016-02-11 at 9:59 PM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionAt the minimum 2x profit, 4x being reasonable for the products available, one would only need to average 5 sales a day, a level that's very easy to handle and would allow one to devote much time to other pursuits, at $50 each to have an annual net income of 40K, tax free. Combine it with the steady 10K of SSI, let's say 4K a year for equivalent insurance, if you can get a subsidized apartment you can save at least 6K a year. 60K net income is pretty good for a fairly small sized operation where you wouldn't even have to do much, maybe an hour or two of work a day.
Lanny, what do you think about this?
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/...erring-it.html
http://bain4weeks.com/
Main problem would be brand name, recognition of the college's name, but that could be dealt with and probably wouldn't matter if you weren't going after jobs that require degrees from, ah, non-mediocre universities, or prestigious ones. I'm not interested in a career, but it would be a fun challenge, gaming the system, if I managed to recover from depression enough. Even without recovery, you only need to score over 50% to pass and receive credit, and a GPA may not be included on the transcript you receive. Going beyond that, I wonder if you could somehow manage to weasle into a master's program where you'd have access to much higher quality classes, environment, and peers, with the stupid people having largely been weeded out.
Certainly wouldn't have been a good option for you, but for most that receive generic jobs in an office, commonly outside of what they majored in, it could be great. You'd be bound to get by a significant percentage of employer's, there are so many universities in the US, as long as you can convince them it's not an online college or degree mill (University of Phoenix), which should be easy enough. I'd list it as: Excelsior College of Albany New York - Private non-profit
If they ask, just respond with something like, "That sometimes comes up, I hate the name. No, it's an actual accredited university. I carry these just in case it comes up." Then show them these:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Excelsior_College
http://news.excelsior.edu/excelsior-...erms-earnings/
http://news.excelsior.edu/excelsior-...straight-year/
Ha, what a lark if someone actually managed to pull off a success story from this. Fuck college. Can you imagine it, saving 4 years and only spending about 4K total to earn a degree compared to what most endure for it, just to end up in a comparable position (or better if you're intelligent and play your cards right)
I'm seriously going to do this, hopefully later this year if I'm well enough by then, unless I can find a good reason not to, just for the lulz at the very least, to have something to fall back on or if I need a cover story for income, and for social signaling purposes.The other exception is the Spanish CLEP…a 50 gets you 6 credits, but a 63 gets you 12.
Aww yeah, 12 fucking credits for a language I already speak (grew up speaking and took in high school as well because I was a slacker of epic proportions, it would be easier, and I had no interest in French) and all I have to do is score above 63. HAHAHAHAHA, fuck the system! -
2016-02-11 at 6:24 PM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionHAHAHAHA, who needs Casper when you have access to Chinese superlabs that have moved into schedule 1 and 2 drugs.
We're in business, baby.
Although, if anyone wants to participate in angel investing, it would be most welcome. I've had multiple people offer to buy me escorts for around $400. This would be similar, helping me get my life together after being in a spiral of depression and isolation for over a decade, not having had any personal relationships or meaningful human experience in my life, no family or relatives, no friends, acquaintances, coworkers, etc. Particularly these last five years I've been extremely isolated, like someone in solitary confinement, the last two at the maximum level of severe depression, to the point where I couldn't function and seriously became suicidal, saved only by extreme self-medication, being my own doctor, psychiatrist, and therapist. I went about two years without speaking to anyone except for short words like "debit" or "thanks", sometimes only going out once a month for necessities. I'm poor, got to the point where I actually needed disability after my mental breakdown and any plans I had fell apart, and literally have no one, I'm starting, rebuilding myself, from almost nothing. -
2016-02-11 at 4:57 AM UTC in Wrote a new love letter to AshleyCorporate backstabbing, possibly other events related to drugs, leads to you losing your job or becoming demoted/reprimanded, which leads to an emotional outburst/childish hissyfit, possibly influenced by drugs or stress from your father dying, then you become unemployed and spiral into a cycle of depression, alcoholism, and isolation, ending up like me.
This is wishful thinking, but not out of Malice, it's out of a desire to stop being so alone. No, I don't really believe this. -
2016-02-11 at 2:59 AM UTC in It's tueday night and i bought 5 grams of meth with a fake golden necklece.
I win. Being the nice guy that i am i made my dealer a deal though if he can't sell it to a noob, i'll reimburse him for the drugs i got. I'm also makeing a bomb for him, he's planning to blow up his eb-gf's car. But he has a good reason, she cheated onhim and took his child away. He'a good guy in essense, with regards to the bomb this is important he already provided the materials so if he want to threaten me for giving him a fake necklace i could remind him we're in a criminal conspircay together. and just give him the money i owe him.
What happens if he gets caught an rats you out?
That sounds like a really bad idea. -
2016-02-10 at 8:08 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionI'm not sure if I recommended it specifically for you. My idea was to use it to restore neuroplasticity to a juvenile state, possibly reopen critical periods of development, or at least significantly increase it, to augment therapy. It's highly experimental, and best suited for extreme cases like myself.
So, for example, I've now spent equal periods, half of my life in a withdrawn and emotionally closed off state without personal relationships, to the point where I didn't even really have a family, driven to an extreme point by being undiagnosed and untreated on the autism spectrum (Asperger's). If, for example, I developed friendships, events with positive social situations/interaction, or even a romantic relationship, it would be ideal to take VA before them in order to greatly accelerate recovery and adaption. Sort of like how your first love or true friendship, gaining a close circle of friends, can change you and set the stage for the rest of your life, which normally occurs when young and your brain is still developing significantly, in a critical period and much more plastic; in my case this would be occurring at a much later period than normal. -
2016-02-10 at 8:01 AM UTC in Petition to ban Sploo, Rocklin, Sophie, Bill Krozbyler, Idio, Dissociator, Lanny and Arnox
I don't think there's any other way you could get a reasonably guaranteed dose of real life LSD.
What? There are test kits, although it's possible that it could still contain an adulterant that doesn't show up. Some darknet vendors are a very safe bet. It's 2016, we have the technology to identify LSD and its quantity. -
2016-02-10 at 6:22 AM UTC in How to deal with autistiopathyJoin the club.
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2016-02-10 at 6:06 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionHTS/phoenix/lucidite mentioned some things about wanting to improve his voice (gender transitioning), which led me to this because I was curious if there were any pharmaceutical/technological/surgical options available.
http://professionalvoice.org/feminization.aspx
https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgen...y_at_yeson_in/
Transhumanism. -
2016-02-10 at 5:01 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionStill, imagine how fucking funny the debates and campaigns between Hillary and Trump are going to be. This is going to be comedic gold, at least for the non-plebs that have realized what a joke it is and aren't afraid to enjoy the ride down.
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2016-02-10 at 4:23 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionhttp://predictwise.com/politics/
Looks like Trump has had a strong rebound after tanking from Iowa.
Trump vs Sanders would be way cool, purely in terms of entertainment. Hillary definitely has a chance of imploding due to multiple factors, potential bombs and fuckups. Seems there's really no other serious candidates among the Democrats other than Hillary and Sanders at this point, which is nice, increases he odds of an interesting outcome. 20% is surprisingly good considering who Sanders is, his positions and background, and that he's going against Hillary. A much more realistic chance than Ron Paul ever had.
I realized what a joke the political process was back in '08, understood it enough that I recognized what a waste of time closely following it was, that it's really good for nothing other than entertainment, social signalling, and something to talk about with other people if you're into that, to give the illusion of intelligence and knowledge for many; unless you're planning to make decisions, for personal benefit, or are involved in a career where predictions are important, a fairly thorough understanding of the impact candidates wold have.
I care about the fundamentals, not trends.
"No one's going to save you.
You're fucked and most of you probably deserve it.
Accept it and move on."
My political counter-protest sign. -
2016-02-10 at 2:35 AM UTC in Cringiest Things Evar
The cringe factor is your employment at the Christian camp right? I wish (I actually don't, at all) that I had footage of the 15 months that I was in the Teen Challenge program about 7 or 8 years ago. I try really hard not to think of the way I was during that time, because I was fucking brain-washed to the max. I was, voluntarily, the Christian choir director, among many other things, including having sung solos in different worship songs on any given Sunday in whatever church we happened to be at. I led hundreds of group prayers and would wake up early before church to go to one of the rooms and just listen to worship music and dance and get weird, praising God with all my might. I attempted to speak in tongues on at least a baker's dozen worth of occasions. I went to the youth correctional center nearby our facility to preach to the kids the 'good news of Jesus Christ,' fucking etc I'm starting to feel pukey and I'm done talking about this.
You were much happier then, weren't you, though?
Have you ever considered joining a Buddhist organization? -
2016-02-09 at 8:27 PM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
Bright light, 30 minutes upon waking, preferably. And SSRI's are still shit fucking drugs. -
2016-02-09 at 8:22 PM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
The percentage of married women ages 40 to 44 who had no biological children and no other kids in the household, such as adopted children or stepkids, reached 6% in the period from 2006 to 2010.
Most women who don't have children are not married – and the vast majority of married women ultimately have kids, federal statistics show. In fact, the dropping marriage rate is one of the biggest forces behind increased childlessness, Arizona State University associate professor Sarah Hayford found.
I wonder what percentage of that 6% did not want children by choice, or regretted being childless. Very fucked up. Biological reality is an ugly thing, and the implications are deeply disturbing to me. Then again, I wonder what percent of people in the US, particularly among those with higher IQs, degrees (the small fraction that go straight into entrepreneurship aside) generally being a good enough proxy, are choosing to cohabit instead of marriage. This is much more common in the Nordic region, which I view as a very positive cultural trend, with many children also being born to those households.
A compatibility rate of 1/20? Reduce the pool further, with race being a good variable, unfortunately, IQ, education, income etc. and you could possibly bump it up for your pool. "Wanted: Intelligent rationalist ancap/libertarian female, non-religious (Will consider Buddhists), does not desire children, willing to have thorough, thoroughly researched and rationally argued, prolonged debates on decisions of immense importance and impact on life."
I wonder what that would reduce the pool to, as a percentage of the population. Under 1%?Then I think I'm going to follow your lead: instead of being mad you posted such a shitty pop-sci article I'm just going to be disappointed that your mental condition may have deteriorated far enough that article gives us reason to believe in anything other than the ineptitude of the "science media".
Yeah, I do recall having the feeling last night that the quality left something to be desired, but it's not that bad, it just starts off mediocrely, which causes a negative impression. Is this really hard to believe?
Of course, you could go on to argue that people aren't solely limited to one state, which is of course true, but pragmatically it will lead to deficits in everyday life, immense on average differences in behavior and outcomes.