2022-03-26 at 7:58 PM UTC
in
Where the fuck is Nil/Nile?
Frankly I'm pretty amazed for the amount of times I've walked to the bar nearby in the winter, gotten blackout drunk and not remembered the 2nd half of the night let alone walking home, that I myself haven't passed out outside and gotten severe frostbite let alone just died on the streets.
Some kid here just died like that the other month, and he was literally behind the bar he was at passed out behind a dumpster, and nobody saw him. He was reported as a missing person and they found him a few days later. It probably should've been me but whatever. I guess that's the difference between an amateur drunk and a professional.
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It is sort of true though, but it doesn't need to be called a disorder, more just like, winter in the north is gray and dark and cold generally and it makes it more difficult to go outside and do shit. I was enjoying jogging and exercising last summer/fall and was quite happy overall and then winter came and I just regressed. I take full responsibility in that I realize I could've gotten a gym membership or just done jumping jacks at home for an hour a day but I prefer to just shake my fist at the sky and tell me it's the season's fault and not my own.
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Yeah it's kind of interesting the further I live, the more I find myself sort of always weighing the idea of 'trying to better myself' and 'jesus fuck who even cares at this point, it is what it is.'
Like you said, it's not HEALTHY to have self destructive thoughts, by definition, but when you don't care about healthy than you just... Don't care.
You're def right as far as me losing my faith in god and I will be the first to admit that there is a big difference between it, mainly the fact that with faith, regardless of how shitty things are, you can hold this belief that it's 'part of a plan' or whatever, that no matter what happens, God is there and will help you get through shit. When I gave that up, I didn't necessarily realize the impact that it has when I realize that life is truly on my terms and I am completely responsible for myself and my actions.
That said, I still just can't arbitrarily start pretending I believe in god again just for the sake of hoping it will help me and my accountability. It would obviously feel disenguine as fuck. But I suppose that's why people come up with other higher powers and I guess I could pretend the fucking cosmos is my leader and it'll make everything right in the end.
For now, I am DUST IN THE WIND.
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Originally posted by Sudo
Yea man, maladaptive coping mechanisms and self destructive tendies and shit. I just deal with shit wrong and manifest destruction by thinking negatively. Not sure if the first summer I'm off all conditions since I was 19 is good or bad for me but I'm leaning towards good because it's less stress but potentially less mindfulness of legalities. I just want things to be simple and peaceful
Sometimes I think for me it's my lack of accountability. Whenever I've been in a controlled environment like incarceration or halfway house or inpatient treatment, I somehow EXCEL. I do everything right as long as I have something hanging over my head to incentivise me to, but I've been off paper and out of treatments for years now, and it's just this weird rollercoaster of poor choices and good choices.
Like obviously I'd still prefer to be free but sometimes I wish a lengthy prison sentence was hanging over my head if I didn't get my shit together, and I realize more normal people would simply say to this 'well, time to man up and be adult, hold yourself accountable, put on your big boy pants etc etc' and they're not wrong. I just haven't been good at it. I'm actually surprised I've managed to not become homeless, that's like my biggest accomplishment lol.
But! I will still try and hold on to the hope that I can figure it out.
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I'm gonna hazard a guess and say that it's because it's not particularly a bastion of positivity or even genuine entertainment.
I tend to post/lurk the most here when I'm happy, however that works. When I'm feeling down, I sort of intentionally don't come around because I know there's not really anything this place has to offer that's gonna magically cheer me up.
When I'm feeling better, I think I like to post in hopes that maybe it'll make someone else feel a little better, but I'm sure for the most part people feel the same as me, and nobody is actually coming here for a good time.
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Originally posted by Sudo
When the weather gets warmer I have more energy and feel less depressed and more motivated not to be addicted to opiates. I think I'm gonna make some strides towards a healthier lifestyle in the next few weeks.
I still wanna be a drunken coked up slut all the time but I'm aspiring for more
Samesies. Although I've come to realize at this point that regardless of any strides forward I make, or Happies I obtain, just when I think I've perhaps turned the corner on the path to enlightenment, I fuck something up and slide back to where I started. Basically my life is a game of chutes (snakes for you weirdos) and ladders and there's just a lot of fucking chutes. It's hard for me not to believe that it's subconsciously hardwired into my brain to fuck things up whenever I'm doing well, as though I deserve it or something. Who knows. Whatever. Blah. Countblah.
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Originally posted by CandyRein
Like imma be up late tonight…fell asleep soon as I got home lawd!💗
Many tokez and bubble bath thoughts ensuing :)
Lay it on us thick
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It's fair to say that actor brought up everything ever thought of involved of pee, butts, sex, and basically any combination of it. That's not a mystery. That's real shit. That's why I miss him. I liked his basic yet deep thoughts - shower thoughts for lack of a better term. But who cares
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Originally posted by Sudo
But does it have to be wheat? Could you put ketchup on a cracker and call it a pizza?
Now we're delving into Lunchables territory
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2022-03-23 at 7:20 PM UTC
in
Passed my driving test lads.
Did you do it the BADASS way where you CRANK THE TUNES up as high as they go right off the RIP and then do the rest of the test flawlessly, pull back in, put the car in park, throw some SHADES on and look over at the driving tester.. "gimme my license, bro."
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Originally posted by AngryOnion
When you get old sleep is hard to get.
You are plagued thoughts of indesion and what ifs,Did I save enough money did I fuck up ?
Why is my 401k in the the shitter things like that.
Sleep is a blessing.
I mean, I can understand that. I was just sort of confirming that was the logic for you having a few drinks and gummies then going right to bed. Also you're still awake so clearly that didn't happen and you've been able to at least marinate in the fruits of your labors for lack of a better term. Goodnight now.
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Originally posted by Jiggaboo_Johnson
Protect the gene pool, even though gay many of them still produce kids..thereby passing on their faggot gene to the next generation. Faggots serve no purpose in society other than perhaps designing nice scarves.
Nobody "serves a purpose" in society. I can understand killing a gay person but not strictly because they're gay, but because they're a person.
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2022-03-21 at 3:44 AM UTC
in
Which User...
Originally posted by Speedy Parker
And were they different than they were online?
I mean I'm sure some people are vastly different and some slightly different, but everyone is gonna be at least somewhat different than from "how they are online", just from the fact that one of them is typing and the other is talking.
Tinychat and the ensuing platforms we've used over the years has generally been a good way to see how people are in real life compared to how they are as users, granted we're all generally fucked up when we're there but not all the time, but regardless it's an interesting way to compare.
I personally think I'm pretty similar on here and and in real life, but also not, as far as I know when to bite my tongue and who and when my style of humor and way of thinking can be used with-- aka I have people in real life that I know I can joke with them about burning people alive in ovens and snapping babies legs and whatever, and they don't bat an eye because they know me, but I obviously contain my more morbid humor and thoughts to the fewer close friends and family that I know can 'handle it' or whatever.
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2022-03-12 at 6:59 PM UTC
in
Who Should Be Next?
Originally posted by Meikai
I'm pretty sure Lanny at least had a commie phase at one point. He seems like - if he's not a commie - he knows enough to LARP as one for the memes, and that was probably born of experience.
I wouldve taken your post seriously if you had said 'borne' with an e. Fuckin COMMIE!
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Originally posted by Kafka
What do you think it means? I used to listen to Tool
Nothing really just sort of a hodge podge of things that I like (my phone, blackjack, pissing, Tool).
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Show time motherfuckers. Strict no phone policy, literally just got my first and final warning.
Baiiiiiiii
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Laying on my back in my bed with a mouth full of foam
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I wonder if you could get away with murdering her if say, you set up a security camera in your place, and then invited her over under the premise you felt bad about things and wanted to just give her a whole bunch of money to make things right and apologize, and then when she came over you could have a patch of oil on the floor in front of your oven which is set to broil. And then just kind of act like youre in a rush and ask her if she could just check real quick on the fancy chicken dinner you made for her in the oven, and be sort of panicky like "lol fuck I gotta go to the bathroom real bad please just check on the chicken I think it might be burning LOL! HURRY UP" as you go to the bathroom, so she sort of panics too and runs to the oven to check it and then she slips on the oil and falls into the oven, which you'll also have set up to have the door spring loaded close behind her and automatically lock. And then you just take a long hearty shit, seemingly oblivious to the fact that she's roasting to death, and then come out after she's for sure dead and act all surprised (because the camera is still running).
Food for thought.
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2022-03-13 at 1:52 AM UTC
in
Harming women
Originally posted by Kafka
Wtf
You need to expand your mind, Kafka. Ask questions. Use your imagination. Hashtag yolo. Don't be a victim; you're better than that.
You don't have to like my thoughts but they are just thoughts. I like to pretend and imagine stuff. Sorry not sorry. It's not that weird though. Lots of people do it.
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