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Posts by gadzooks
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2018-12-12 at 12:39 AM UTC in Attn gadzooks
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2018-12-12 at 12:36 AM UTC in LANNY'S PIThere was an attempt... (at creating a synesthesia phenomenon where numbers correlate with colors).
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2018-12-11 at 2:24 AM UTC in What keeps YOU from getting on that bus?
Originally posted by Mewsik GZ .. out of the many many many posters I’ve read over the past 7 years, if you never mentioned you poisoned and abused your body and mind with drugs, meds, and alcohol on a regular basis, I would think you are a very special and incredible human being with so much good to give the world.
Thank you for sharing your perspective and engaging others in a community like this. You give me hope. Hope that fairness, compassion, kindness, and intelligence is on the Internet
Like I said in the OP, I'm not a super regular poster here, but I do recognize your username.
You bring to mind a few reasonably contrarian posts around here about the high percentage of drugged out NIS posters.
Reasonably contrarian in the sense that, you're right.
In fact, I'm going to dig up an old post and quote it here because it's particularly relevant:
Originally posted by Mewsik Drugs are for pussies unable to make the most of reality, unable to find the beauty of now, unable to connect with this emmense and beautiful world called earth, and can't close their eyes and enjoy the colorful potential of tomorrow
all this advise on whatelse to poison your body and mind with to make your high work … good grief and so so sad.
whatever
(From this thread: https://niggasin.space/thread/28790).
I remember I agreed with what you said. I remain a hypocrite, I still get high/drunk/whatever.
But I acknowledge the hypocrisy.
And that post of yours there is one that just always stands out for me when I think of NIS. -
2018-12-11 at 1:42 AM UTC in What keeps YOU from getting on that bus?GGG reminded me that I want to keep the overall tone in this thread uplifting.
I want it to be an honest and open forum for discussion of suicide, so if anyone else feels like they want to lay down their reasons/justifications for suicide, let it all out here.
But I hope the overall trend this thread takes is a positive one. -
2018-12-11 at 1:17 AM UTC in What keeps YOU from getting on that bus?
Originally posted by Cro Mango Literally anything is less dangerous than killing yourself. Go buy a $50 bike, jump it over a canyon and put it on YouTube, worst case scenario you die anyway, best case scenario you are the new evel kenievel.
I love this one too.
It's actually a pretty creative way to kinda 'postpone' the whole finality of suicide.
In fact, I think it kind of aligns with what I've been doing.
I've been experimenting with different drugs, drug combinations, therapies, rTMS/tDCS (kinda like electroshock therapy, but a lot less invasive), heck, I'm even willing to try witchcraft if the spell is right.
I will try things, even potentially dangerous things, before I straight up end it all. -
2018-12-11 at 1:13 AM UTC in What keeps YOU from getting on that bus?
Originally posted by RestStop I have crystal meth and whores. No I'm not trying to be witty or facetious it's the absolute truth.
I love this answer so much.
As a matter of fact, it reminds me that I have to admit to something...
Since starting this thread, I have also started drinking.
I feel way less depressed now that the spirits have taken hold of me.
It's a band-aid, and not a sustainable solution, and I get that.
But man, psychoactive chemicals (and whores too, I suppose), can be a great way to keep the right neurotransmitters in check... At least for the time being. -
2018-12-11 at 1:09 AM UTC in What are you doing at the moment
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2018-12-11 at 1:07 AM UTC in What keeps YOU from getting on that bus?
Originally posted by Flatulant_bomb Road rage was the hardest to get under control. But I did it.
I am usually a super-passive driver, I rarely use my horn.
I've always had a hard time understanding how people I'm in a car with (who are driving) get so mad over certain things when driving.
BUT, like everyone, I do have my pet peeves when it comes to driving.
My one thing is people driving slowly in the left lane on the highway, when there are CLEARLY posted signs saying "stay right, use left lane only to pass."
Oh man, it infuriates me when people violate that rule.
I just had to get that out there.
Finding commonalities with other people is one of those things that helps build resilience. -
2018-12-11 at 1 AM UTC in What keeps YOU from getting on that bus?ATTENTION ANYONE READING: If you find that my justifications for suicide are seeming reasonable, even if you're just lurking and not a poster, just anyone reading any of this, do not focus solely on that line of thinking.
I hope I'm providing a reasonable balance to all of that with some of my posts.
I don't want to encourage anyone who's currently standing atop a precipice to take the final plunge.
Like I said from the beginning of this thread: Hope is worth clinging to.
And like I said most recently in this thread: You have the power to characterize your problems as temporary or permanent.
Heck, you could wake up tomorrow a quadriplegic and think "shit, it's all over now."
Or, you can think about how medical science progresses, or about how other people rendered the same way manage to cope, etc, etc.
There is always hope.
I choose to believe that there is.
You, mysterious stranger, can choose the same. -
2018-12-11 at 12:53 AM UTC in What keeps YOU from getting on that bus?
Originally posted by Flatulant_bomb I used to believe that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Not so sure now that I read this thread. I really do wish all of you with the bus ticket the best.
Yeah I think we've all heard the cliche saying that it's "a permanent solution to a temporary problem."
The thing is, it's not always temporary.
However, in my case at least, I actively choose to think of my problem as temporary. Even if it has persisted for weeks, or months; and even if I've tried all kinds of different things that haven't worked.
All it means is that I just haven't quite found that one thing.
I may end up dying of old age / natural causes in my 80's, and never experience happiness or joy throughout all these decades, but I still have the power to characterize it as a "temporary problem".
This is where the Stoic/Existential philosophy comes into play.
The Stoics and the Existentialists wrote a lot about death and dealing with the finite nature of life and existence as we know it.
And I have read a lot of the Stoics and Existentialists.
Maybe philosophy is part of what keeps me alive. -
2018-12-11 at 12:47 AM UTC in What keeps YOU from getting on that bus?
Originally posted by ohfralala I’m sorry for shitposting so ON TOPIC…
It's all good. Like I said, humor is potent life fuel. When you're joking around or laughing, you can't help but be in a good mood.
Originally posted by ohfralala I have one thing I feel is missing from my life, and as an expected common theme in this thread, it’s hope that keeps me pushing.
It definitely seems to be a recurring theme.
Human resilience must be universally based on the whole idea of hope.
Originally posted by ohfralala But I’ll tell you what…if I got old and start shitting on myself and can’t wipe my own ass and all my friends are dead you better believe I will walk right on up outta this bitch.
At that point, I definitely would too.
I guess the whole goal is to make it to that point, even if I have a whole lot of shitty days in between now and that point. -
2018-12-11 at 12:41 AM UTC in What keeps YOU from getting on that bus?
Originally posted by -mal- Do you know how people grieve from experience?
I’ve seen how my family was affected by suicide of a close family friend. Because of that I know it would be even worse if it was me and that’s usually enough to quell the ideations. It’s only been in the past year that I’ve even gotten to the point of actual ideation. But I’m pretty sure that will stop now that I’m single and not under as much stress.
Well, I'm pretty sure everyone has, at some point, lost someone important to them or whom they loved in some capacity.
And of course this becomes more and more likely with age.
I have grieved for lost loved ones, but I've also noticed that that grief, while it never goes away, it does kind of subside. You can compartmentalize it. We all do it.
Now, I haven't made anyone a widow after, say, 50 years of marriage. That might be a bit different.
But right now, all I really have to consider are parents, siblings, friends, etc.
Sure, they'd grieve, but they'd adapt eventually.
My whole point is that I don't seem to be adapting to my situation. When every day is worse than the last, it starts to seem like maybe grief is the lesser of two evils. -
2018-12-11 at 12:34 AM UTC in What keeps YOU from getting on that bus?-mal-, you bring up a really good point to consider...
Originally posted by -mal- Honestly only the pain it would cause my family
The impact on others is definitely a factor.
At least, it should be.
But to be totally honest, it only vaguely crosses my mind when I'm feeling suicidal.
Like, I'll start thinking things through, but I can't help but think "they'll get over it. what I'm going through right now, I don't know if I ever will."
It really depends on how pressing and pervasive the feelings of hopelessness are when I'm contemplating such things.
If I haven't felt an iota of happiness in weeks, I start to do some math in my head, as cold and calculating as it sounds, and come to the conclusion that, if I were to end it all, the overall total quantity of sadness in the world will go down.
People don't grieve every waking moment. They grieve strongly right away, and then intermittently, and with decreasing severity, as time goes by. -
2018-12-11 at 12:30 AM UTC in What keeps YOU from getting on that bus?I want to say that, while I kinda disagree with GGG here in a certain way, I do always appreciate alternate points of view.
It's the whole point of discussion forums. -
2018-12-11 at 12:27 AM UTC in What keeps YOU from getting on that bus?
Originally posted by aldra this might be the gayest thing you've ever said
I actually found it kind of profound, and succinctly put, but in a very Stoic way though.
I love the Stoics, I read Marcus Aurelius all the damn time like Christians read the bible.
But Stoicism can also be incredibly depressing at the same time. -
2018-12-11 at 12:24 AM UTC in What keeps YOU from getting on that bus?
Originally posted by totse3.com Prozac and Zoloft are dangerous. I thought one of them was taken off the market even. maybe Zoloft?
Well, generally speaking, SSRI's have very similar mechanisms of action.
They all selectively inhibit serotonin reuptake (thus resulting in more serotonin in the brain).
I'm not even sure they differ too much in how they accomplish this. -
2018-12-11 at 12:23 AM UTC in What keeps YOU from getting on that bus?
Originally posted by GGG But in suicide you only need to be brave for a moment. To live you need to be brave all the time.
I'm happy for you that you don't frequently dwell on these thoughts, and I appreciate your very Stoic words here.
But you have to consider why is bravery needed, simply to live life?
It seems a bit excessive that one needs to Stoically embrace each day as some kind of challenge. At what point is it logical/rational to just give up?
And everyone has their "giving up" point.
For most, physical pain, rather than psychological/emotional, can bring more salient examples of such.
Most people, on average, believe in euthanasia in certain circumstances.
Now, I'm not saying my suffering is the worst in the whole wide world or anything.
I'm just saying, that virtually everyone has a breaking point. -
2018-12-11 at 12:17 AM UTC in What keeps YOU from getting on that bus?
Originally posted by totse3.com ask him for lexapro. it's one of two I take
i dont know if it's an SSRI it's more for mood I think. it just makes you not give a fuck and even makes you happy for a while.
Lexapro looks to be an SSRI.
SSRI's are primarily for managing mood. But studies have found that in really high doses, they can be effective in treating OCD, so that's why I'm prescribed them, just a different SSRI (Fluoxetine AKA Prozac). -
2018-12-11 at 12:13 AM UTC in What keeps YOU from getting on that bus?
Originally posted by mmQ I don't have time to get into it right now but it's essentially the same answer - hope. I have felt the highs of being who I really want to be and my brain "being right" and I just have hope that I can get back there again, because when I'm there, I absolutely do NOT want to suicide because I genuinely enjoy my life.
You summarize my whole philosophy on the matter perfectly.
Perhaps it's a relatively common way of coping, but knowing that there have once been good times, logically implies that there should be more in the future. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or next week, or even this year, but good times can tend to come and go.
If I were to board the bus now, I may miss out. -
2018-12-11 at 12:11 AM UTC in What keeps YOU from getting on that bus?
Originally posted by totse3.com Every fucking morning until I pop those pills
What kind of pills?
By all means, if you don't feel like divulging anything specific, I respect that.
I have a psychiatrist who has me on a high dose of SSRI's.
The irony of it is that it's to treat OCD and generalized anxiety, yet I feel almost like I've gotten more depressed ever since I started taking them.
