gadzooks
Dark Matter
[keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
Memories are one thing.
I said that my one thing is "hope", but I also like to reminisce on positive memories.
I try to relive them in my imagination as many times as I can so that the memories don't fade.
But it's also a bittersweet experience - the realization that these memories are but mere memories, existing only in the neural wiring of a few people (who happen to remember).
It hurts; but at the same time, it heals.
Like I said, bittersweet.
gadzooks
Dark Matter
[keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
I may not be a super-regular poster here at NIS, but of course I've picked up on a few narratives, and there's the whole story of Malice that comes up frequently. I've seen references to "getting on a/the bus" associated with suicide.
I checked out Malice's last thread, entitled, ever-so-simply, "Later".
I consider buying my own ticket every single day, at least once.
I imagine it's not too uncommon.
If you're reading this and the notion has never so much as crossed your mind, then we are of a different species.
The only thing that keeps me going, despite an overwhelming, emotionally crushing feeling all throughout my body, is hope that I won't always feel like this.
I'm holding on by that one single thread of hope. It keeps me going, day after day.
But I do fear that one day the thread will wear itself too thin.
2018-12-10 at 2:07 AM UTC
in
Seasonal Affective Disorder
gadzooks
Dark Matter
[keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
Well, I've been awake for a grand total of four hours, so it's about time to call it a day.
I literally woke up at 2PM today, turned the heat way up, started watching T.V. (I never watch TV, even though I pay like $100 a month for some kind of fancy channel package), and started drinking wine out of a box.
It's now been four hours and I'm just going to go to sleep.
I saw zero sun today.
Only rain, misery, and cable TV (and a box of wine).
gadzooks
Dark Matter
[keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
Three parts: A corn field after a storm.
Half a part: Sulphur.
One quarter part: Ammonia.
And a pinch of: Rosewood.
2018-12-10 at 1:54 AM UTC
in
Seasonal Affective Disorder
gadzooks
Dark Matter
[keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
I live in Canada where winters are cold as fuck.
They're worse the more North or East you go, but it's still cold in Southwestern B.C., I tell ya what.
And I'm not much of a hibernator.
I get depressed when I'm not being productive.
In the Summer I was like a workaholic, and now I just get drunk all day. It's like my ambition is dead.
I need to do CPR on my ambition.
Definitely resuscitate.
2018-12-10 at 1:25 AM UTC
in
Seasonal Affective Disorder
gadzooks
Dark Matter
[keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
I go to sleep, and it's dark.
I wake up, and it's dark.
It's dark, cold, and fucking depressing.
Why is this not a more commonly referenced disorder?
It amazes me that it isn't considered a universal fact that Winter fucking sucks, not a so-called psychiatric disorder.
If you live in the Southern Hemisphere, just ignore this thread (and maybe bump it in six months if you want).
gadzooks
Dark Matter
[keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
I just started watching South Park again after years of not watching it.
It's so different...
Cartman has a girlfriend.
Tweak and Craig are a gay couple.
There's the "PC Principal".
WTF?
The world is changing so much.
gadzooks
Dark Matter
[keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
This site is surreal sometimes.
It actually makes me forget which drugs I took this morning.
