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Posts by Malice
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2018-06-01 at 4:31 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs AttentionThere's actually a crisis line you can text. This would be great to take advantage of.
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2018-06-01 at 4:21 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs AttentionI feel like trolling the suicide hotline with stories that will make them question whether I really am too far gone or may even deserve to die. Like, imagine calling them and telling them you're a pedophile, going from there.
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2018-06-01 at 4:11 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs Attentionhttps://www.reddit.com/r/TimeToGo/comments/8lzp7g/the_little_things_that_make_me_angry_that_im_alive/
The little things that make me angry that Im aliveBread. Today took a piece of seeded bread out and examined the crust. Full of seeds, sunflower and whatnot. Such a small reminder of how absurd and pointless my life really is. Not sure if anyone can really relate to this — it is just that every single day there are visual reminders that actually make me mad that I exist.
The fact that 95% of the time, I'm stuck doing things that I hate. (For example, I hate that my body has needs and hate the time it takes to eat. Have actually bitten tongue due to the sheer anger at the ridiculousness of chewing and eating)
Fuck this is hilarious right now.
And, no, the first hentai I would watch would probably be Bible Black or something less well known, but even more highly acclaimed. -
2018-06-01 at 2:33 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs Attention
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2018-06-01 at 2:31 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs AttentionI thought of a great way to avoid a lot of the pain that suicide can cause families. It wouldn't require that much effort. You would need some knowledge on the ideology, but just tell them you've renounced this life and went overseas to become a Buddhist monk. Then use a delayed email service to send messages. You could even hire a makeup artist to make you look aged. Get a full garb and take them at an actual monastery, and at one point claim you've attained enlightenment and are perpetually happy and fulfilled and now devote your life to others.
I mean, sure, they'd probably be bummed out about never communicating with you again, but it would be a lot less painful than knowing you committed suicide. -
2018-06-01 at 2:15 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs Attention
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2018-06-01 at 2:12 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs AttentionHad a wank after who knows how long, actually felt great for the first time in quite a while since depression was rescinding, immediately fell into existential dread upon orgasm.
Keep me safe from the horrors of reality, anime. Schopenhauer was right. -
2018-06-01 at 1:50 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs AttentionShe said she had never prescribed it before and wouldn't feel comfortable doing so, unfortunately.
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2018-06-01 at 1:42 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs AttentionAlso, I got prescribed gabapentin.
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2018-06-01 at 1:41 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs Attention
Originally posted by Obbe You don't have enough social interaction. If you had friends or a girlfriend, or even if you just had sex, you would enjoy life a lot more. Remember when you had never done drugs and thought drugs were dumb and now you are basically a pothead? The same thing will happen if you have sex. Or even if you had friends to laugh with.
You can do it.
Even people with down syndrome are capable of forming meaningful relationships.
Just try it.
Love fades, I'm near the pinnacle of isolation and there's almost no one I could relate to, don't see much in human relationships, and likely naturally derive less joy from them. It really doesn't seem that great, although it could make life feel bearable enough that you convince yourself to remain in the trap.
Life is never going to be as good as it is in anime. Why even bother? -
2018-06-01 at 1:37 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs Attention
Originally posted by CASPER Yeah dude i texted you like 3 times and told you i was free and was renting a bunch of luxury cars, and i could come pick you up in pomona and take you out to lunch or just drive around or something.
Yeah of course doing charity stuff helped. Happiness doesnt just come to you man. Just like a toothache or a pain in your foot is your bodys way of telling you something is amiss- unhappiness is the same thing. Its your body's defense mechanism against self-destructive behavior. It doesnt matter if you talk to people…just being in a room around other people, engaged in activities- helps.
I figured just getting you out of the house and out and about would be good for you. Im all for a persons right to kill themselves, but its fucking stupid when you'bve tried nothing. Youre not going to be able to drug your way to happiness. Even just having a job- even when i come in 6 or 7 hours later every day- is enough of a routine and chance to see other people, that it decreased my depression by a lot. But i think everyones tired of trying to convince you. Youre obviously unhappy. Maybe try some other suggestions. Be grateful that there are people willing to talk to and listen to you. A lot of people dont even have that.
If it turns out you genuinely have aspergers, i guarantee there are some free classes given somewhere helping you to acclimatize and learn how to socialize. You can always kill yourself in the end.
Well, what kind of charity work did you do?
If you actually met me there would be no doubt in your mind that I'm on the spectrum. Part of the reason why it would probably be best not to meet, I would just end up burdening you. -
2018-05-31 at 9:17 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs AttentionThat may indeed be true, but even with a higher IQ you may still not want to live. Some incredibly brilliant and accomplished people commited suicide.
Why do you act as if you’re unable to relate to this sploo? Maybe it just hasn’t been long enough. By the time you’re 30 it may really big some of you.
Or it could just be the vast array of issues I have. -
2018-05-31 at 9:07 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs AttentionMy main feeling about this world right now is that there isn’t much here for me and I want to leave it. Decades spent with the majority of the time spent doing things I don’t really want to do or derive much positive emotion from just for a reprieve via escapism sounds like a pretty bad deal. There’s also the problem of novelty, which is a naturally progressively worsening issue that VR will brush to against. I’m not sure if the potential is enough to override it for many people.
There are some fundamental patterns in life, here focused on our evolutionary history, limiting what brings up pleasure. Being particularly gifted at pattern recognition and memory only makes the novelty problem worse. After enough iterations you may simply be unable to find something truly moving.
This may be a significant factor in why many choose to make the utterly foolish decision to have children.
I’m not sure what caused it, but the depressive cycle may have hit its trough and begun to alleviate yesterday. -
2018-05-31 at 7:01 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs AttentionIs anyone else watching Steins;Gate 0? The depression and heartbreak are so good. Being in a profoundly melancholic state makes it so much better. Wanting to see how it ends may be enough to keep me going for a little longer.
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2018-05-31 at 6:59 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs Attention
Originally posted by CASPER When i suggested this to you before you thought it was stupid.
I don't recall that.I was likely just terrified of other people, having serious issues with extremely severe anxiety, agoraphobia, anthropophobia, and suicidal depression.
Do you feel it helped you? I'm worried it may not due to how disconnected from the world I feel, as well as the disillusionment, and how ugly and unworthy of help the vast majority of people feel. -
2018-05-29 at 5:01 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs AttentionSomeone in my Japanese class mentioned Roko's Basilisk to me and it's kind of hilarious at this point. From what I've read Yudkowsky was so terrified of the possibility of people actually being tortured by an AI in the future that he banned all discussion of it.
There's also this fanfic of how an AI could go wrong based on My Little Pony titled "Friendship is Optimal": https://www.fimfiction.net/story/62074/1/friendship-is-optimal/prologue-equestria-online
I really need to take a break from reading and thinking about stuff like this for the sake of my mental health. -
2018-05-29 at 4:58 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs AttentionSploo, I would pay to see you livestream one of these episodes.
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2018-05-29 at 1:05 AM UTC in And off to rehab I goGood luck RisiR, hopefully one day you’ll have the kind of life that let’s you feel you don’t need them.
I’ve been addicted to things because of how much pain I was chronically in. I know what it’s like to need something just to keep from committing suicide and be able to function. I wish there was something like rehab except for depression and isolation that was more widely available and actually effective. -
2018-05-28 at 5:32 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs Attention
Originally posted by Da Leg Itches just spent 2 hours in the shower washing every section of my body dozens of times. almost puked from the stress it was causing me but at least i wont be visibly dirty/dont have to shower for another 4 days. ocd is the worst thing ever i swear
I can definitely relate. Fortunately I mostly got my OCD under control. -
2018-05-27 at 3:18 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs AttentionAu.tism power has allowed my anki card coked collection to grow at an unprecedented rate.