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Posts by Malice

  1. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    The only person other than myself who has a copy of the book is some person in the UK. It will not be going back up for sale, it will not be given out. It's atrocious writing, to be honest. 50k of garbage.

    Oh, come on §m£ÂgØL, don't take things to seriously and let us have a laugh at past time, our youthful naivety. I knew exactly how people would react to many of the top threads I made, and that's why I made them. Because I enjoyed your laughter, everything that stemmed from it, and behind the scenes I was reveling along with you at the absurdity of it all, having personally conditioned myself over years to abandon as much shame as I was capable of.
  2. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    I may get myself hospitalized. This is shit.

    Goddamn you RisiR, I had great concerns about your reliability due to your depression right from the start, and that's because I know it all too well and am bound to have reached depths of dysfunctionalty, unreliability, and states of being nearly bedridden than you have.

    The PM I tried to send you was this:

    Dammit, it wasn't even saved in my sent folder, but to summarize it was that I hate to impose on you, but I have serious recurrent seasonal depression and essentially have a time limit; there's a sharp drop in whether during October and that's around when it occurs. Added some info about a correlation found with neanderthal genes, evolutionary theory, how I can't prevent it because interestingly, and I'm quite sure of this, it's triggered by temperature,not levels of light, which aren't even particularly relevant to me since I go outside so little. Even if I constantly wore warm clothes and kept the heat up, it may still be enough because there are so many signs, even incredibly subtle ones, of the changing seasons that we've evolved to detect through eons of evolution. It causes a double dip effect in my unrelenting depression, and, interestingly, feels distinctly different, like hibernation. My energy levels plummet to the point where I can't get anything done, and it's been during that period the last few years that I've become seriously suicidal, the last year it frightened me enough to snap out of genuinely living like I had given up on life and ask for health, sign up for a case management program and see a psychiatrist.

    If I can't get Nardil again at the dose I need, I may need to be hospitalized as well, and I hate the loss of personal autonomy I may experience. I have backup plans, but I need to move fast.

    Another option is to avoid it by moving to Orlando temporarily until it's over, which is the only US city with average temperatures high enough, or vacationing south of the border (at least it can be cheap as hell).

    Another idea, create an artificial miniature sun indoors (just certain types of bright lights).

    But the main reason I need to act quickly is C.R.E.A.M. My experiences with psychiatrists and thoughts of the kind of therapy I needed made it clear that to get what I want I'll need to pay for that level of quality. If I were to win the lottery I would honestly spend it all on treatment and necessities.

    Last thing: Did you ever try to get a prescription for Nardil or Parnate? Are they available in your country? If not *slaps you across the face* you lazy idiot, even I managed to do it. Why did you wait until the crisis point?! I am acting as your father now. Unless there is some reason you can't, being the process now.
  3. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    THE BREXIT HAS OCCURRED! UK VOTES TO LEAVE THE EUROPEAN UNION!

    Dance in the streets. drink, and be merry, my UK brothers, this is your independence day.

    Ignore and forget everything leftists and whatever other diseased mentalities lead people to support this, along with the standard share of politicians that are corrupt to the core and never had your best interest in mind. There is excellent writing from economists about how the idea was doomed from the start due to critical flaws. Realize this, you have just been the first to abandon a slowly, but unpreventably, sinking ship. Who knows what you may have been forced to do, to pay, suffer, for the stupidity of others.

    Enter, the only good advice Bill Krozby ever gave was to start a tinder convo with "Just a small town girl….". I've done a little social experiment and the amount of responses I got was surprising. I know, it's stupid as fuck but you'll be able to score with each and every "I like puns, memes, lulz" chicks as you please. It is some kind of magic that beaner gypsy figured out. Seriously.

    What does this demonstrate about the average woman? Do you ever reflect on human behavior and want to facepalm your hand through your head due to the resolute stupidity of humanity and crudeness of human life?
  4. Malice Naturally Camouflaged


    Keeping a tray of flmodafinil by your bedside is such a good a idea. Better than coffee/caffeine could ever hope to be

    malice was naughty

    What do you mean by that, sploo? It mildly unnerves me.

    2 hours on speed, motherfucker. Haha. You just went all out there with your Autismo posting. Keep it up.

    I assume you use a keyboard but stil, isn't it exhausting to post such walls of text?

    Didn't you read this? Just the summary of the study. http://niggasin.space/forum/better-l...029#post110029

    It's 2016, exhaustion is a relic of the past. Although, if you skim through them you'll find one where I was literally on the verge of passing out, but felt compelled to finish it.

    Upon reflection, what is clear is that 1.) At least on a cognitive level, I have an immense, seething, incredibly violent, hatred for women. It gave rise to an interesting through experiment. If somehow men had lost their sex drive, any positive biases/behaviors evolved toward women, prior to, as a sort of alternate history to it, would we have seen the greatest genocide of all time? A misogynistic Hitler/Nazi-esque version of the holocaust, except on a global scale, with a large percentage of men eventually taking up arms against women, particularly with effective propaganda? Or, at the very least, how much would the murder rate against women increase?

    It reminds me if the time the Adam Lanza shooting happened and people seriously seemed to think it may have been me. Some funny posts. IIRC the first post was by reject asking "Malice, did you just go on a shooting spree in ____(location)?" Then someone's reasoning as to how it was possible, possibly focusing on distance. Later when Casper saw the videos Lanza had posted he stated that that is exactly (possibly 100% percent) how he would have expected me to sound if he hadn't known me for more than a few months (Likely impacted by growing closer on TRT.).

    2.) I hate life with a burning passion.

    Fuck, I need to stop posting, get to bed earlier, and get around to setting up my new electronics and playing some games. You wasted too much time, scarf that meal down as quickly as your can and chug the wine. No, savor it, it's easier to multitask.
  5. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    Yes, they absolutely do but I believe it's very bad for ones psyche to abruptly and a trip like that. Even a "bad" one. Haldol, Haloperidol etc. suck ass.

    It's true. IIRC Stanislav Grof gave his patients who were having a bad trip. bad enough to need it (They certainly weren't pansies when it came to their research at the time), Valium, about 10mg. Enough to eliminate fear and the related cluster of emotions, but still maintain the psychological aspects of the trip (Introspection, emotion, empathy), allowing to work through their issues.

    Leaving them unresolved by abruptly aborting the trip could cause long lasting negative psychological effects.
  6. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    hitchhiked into conception

    If you're serious, may I have a copy? Someone in the community must have bought it. There has to be a copy, unless they deleted it (understandable) or didn't properly back it up and their hard drive died.
  7. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    Lanny, quick question, who are the most misanthropic and pessimistic writers you know of that are worth reading, the top of their subjects? I wonder if I could them a run for their money after years of preparation, study (including the study of writing to improve skills, all skills relevant to the goal, of course), research, writing, refinement. My strength, well, we all likely have certain qualities that we share, but my position and data on the ugliness of biological reality may allow me to supersede them, whether they overlooked/missed the data, it wasn't anywhere near as prevalent and accessible at their time

    My hatred of women grows so immense at times I feel on the verge of frenzy. You could argue that anti-natalism justifies involuntary abortion (At early stages this can be as simple as adding a powder to food or drink), possibly even sterilization. Engineering a virus that sterilized women, effectively, spread rapidly (of course you could help this along), difficult enough to counteract that the damage would be immense. There must be viruses or bacteria that have this effect in nature and could be used as blueprints. It would be an accomplishment so beautiful it would bring me to ecstatic tears like those in the stories of people that where allowed to experience the presence of god, his domain.

    The mark of the covenant should have been sterilization. For women, the price for original sin having their womb torn out. There is bound to be a feasible method to involuntarily sterilize mass amounts of people. It would be an an act of such immense altruism, it may give peace even to me.

    ----

    This is what flmodafinil (best afinil), does to me. At least I'm nice and tired, because I wasn't able to get to the post office in time to pickup the toys I wanted to spend the day playing with.

    Ipega 9055 bluetooth controller. Best there currently is for mobile gaming. Quality buttons with the right field, comfort, battery life, comparability, very secure hold, it doesn't feel cheap or flimsy and the ability to hold phones in portrait mode, which is surprisingly uncommon in many models and important to me for DS games (second best selling console of all time), along with the virtual buttons leaving much to be desired and making some games practically unplayable. Also has a traditional D-pad, as opposed to the rounded version which I absolutely despise and IIRC is used because Nintendo had a long standing patent on it (As you will see once more, fuck IP!), oh, it expired in 2005, thank Athena.. No significant lag reported, and a a beautiful design, named The Read Spider. Good android phones make for excellent emulators, particularly for portables. Only $28.50 from a US source: http://www.ebay.com/itm/111889167783
    A shocking $20 total from this Amazon source, but only a few left. They have a very high rating, I'd only worry it was an older model. Unless it's a promotion to gain their store more prominence or an algorithm screwed up the price. https://www.amazon.com/IPEGA-Adjustable-Bluetooth-Controller-Multimedia/dp/B01E5HKKDU

    And a miccus TX4 apt-x mini bluetooth jack. Low latency, high quality audio. Fucking Qualcomm, it's propriety and it seems no one has found a way to integrate it into systems that didn't license it despite not seeming to be hardware dependent, even with bounties set. Those dicks are bound to have made done this on purpose. Fuck intellectual property, at the very least in the tech sector. Around $38 "used?, which is rather pricey, but the only real solution if you can find an adapter that works with android and attach it with a USB OTG cable. Particularly wanted it because the latency for the DS emulator Drastic (Incredible, even genuinely improves native textures/resolution by multiples, and it actually works! Multiple other handy features/options) using bluetooth earphones is unacceptable, only working on the highest latency setting. For games where low latency sound is of importance, they're unusable.
    https://www.amazon.com/Miccus-Mini-jack-TX4-Transmitter-Connections/dp/B00NMPKVQ8

    Then one or two days later this hardcore extended battery case, barely used (many don't realize how thick it is, which I prefer because I have manly hands and phones keep becoming more and more ridiculously thin. It wouln't surprise me if a major driving force of this was women's tight pants, those fucking whores. Make them with a high percentage of spandex or attach them externally, you goddamn idiots! Snagged it for only $20 total. Rugged, comes with a holster/kickstand, screen protector, and I'll never have to worry about battery life again. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00IMOCZOA

    Before all this, the headphones, bought at $50 because wires are hassle depending on your usage. Among the highest rated, very secure fit, the cable looping behind the ear and having a "memory" quality where it retains the position it's paced in, durable, high quality sound, particularly with the must have Viper4Andoid, and an 8 hour battery life.
    https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B018RP7X0O

    An important thing to understand about Amazon's classification system, which you can read here: https://www.amazon.com/gp/help/custo...43590&pop-up=1
    Is that most items listed as new haven't actually been used, they're just "open box", with the unimportant packaging damaged.

    I've also been playing around with modifying/custom earbuds. I had many leftover, and the simplest method is to add silicone for a better seal and noise isolation.
    Another interesting idea is a product like this: https://www.amazon.com/Radians-CEP00.../dp/B003A28P4I or a similar moldable material that sets: https://www.amazon.com/InstaMorph-Mo.../dp/B004MFLU4Y

    This lead me to another interesting possible idea for a project, assembling very high quality earphones for a very low price: https://www.stacydevino.com/2011/03/...er-headphones/

    That concludes this guide, and now I feel a sense of incredible emptiness and a deep seated profound lack of satisfaction. This is part of what drove Bateman to kill. The day may come when I will no longer be able to bear contain it.
  8. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    As for empathy, that is a behavioral/biological trigger. Read about the evolutionary theory of depression. There are few pure introverts, I'd call them genetic freaks, and (Buddhist) monks are bound to have immense selection biases; even then, there's immense training to be able to endure genuine hermitude, certain qualities that protect them from the negative effects, based on happiness research (A feeling of connection with all humans.living things/the universe/everything, unconditional love/empathy for all, a reduction/dissolution of the ego, possibly one last thing I missed). I've posted about how destructive the effects of social isolation are, unlike anything else. Humans didn't evolve to be alone. Even if introverts are in privacy they're often still part of physical groups (work), part of something larger than themselves, there's a natural sense of security, ignoring those with disorders. Safety in numbers. Recent human evolution has indeed occurred and had drastic effects on populations, with variance, of course, but some of our most primal factors are still there and didn't have much of a reason to be selected out, or at least the forces were much weaker.

    You know why I experienced a surge in empathy, feelings of guilt and ruminating thoughts, a desire to reform ties, make amends, apologize? Because your natural drive is to be part of a group, have at least one person, and in the past if you were ostracized from a group, which was practically a death sentence, this behavior was optimal for being reaccepted. Guilt, ruminating thoughts? Think about what you did that led to this and how to fix it. All the others should be clear how they're obvious attempts to fix this.

    There's nothing genuine about it at all, and I don't want it. I genuinely wanted to be able to be happy alone, but it doesn't work. It simply attempts to stretch the chain of evolution/biology too far, to a lifestyle too extreme/radically divergent from what we evolved for, and as I've said before, if you're going against eons of evolution you're probably going to lose. I lost. Even with the extreme level of intervention I engaged in, which only kept me in stasis, prevented degradation, or at least reduced severity and slowed down others, it still isn't close to being enough and I don't see anything in the near future that will, except possibly virtual reality, but probably not at its current level (the tech sector moves very quickly, though).

    I hate empathy. I at least hate the vicarious experience of negative emotions. I wish I was a psychopath, well, high on the psychopathy scale for some aspects, and if I ever decided to form relationships, could only care about the people, I, uh, decided were worth caring about? Felt some affinity towards. A psychopathic covenant. That isn't enough, though, the vicarious experiencing of emotions is an integral part of many creations, such as films and video games. I don't know, though, it's different for everyone, the screen and real life, and likely for psychopaths as well, but for the fullest experience. Well, technologically we aren't there yet. A sort of control panel for emotions would be cool, I guess.

    Oh, and as for rules on choosing psychiatrists, male as well. Some people do actually have great psychiatrists that listen to them, eventually once you've shown your mettle; who trust them to do their research, interpret it properly, and make sound decisions, basically know what you're doing; discuss ideas with them, novel ideas/research, new papers and theories (cutting edge), have intelligent discussions, good personalities, haven't lost their passion, may even have been the type that would have fit into BLTC and would discuss MDMA for autistics and psychedelics for certain types of depression. Why male? Think back to childhood and depictions. If there's a permissive parent, it's generally the "cool dad". Studies have demonstrated women to have much higher levels of anxiety, particularly with regard to their children (To a point of madness by standards, or at least deserving of absolute disgust and showing them for the vessels for their biological imperative they really are) (Good god, their first one in particular). There's also risk aversion, views towards drugs, conformity, critical/novel/original thinking, being far more willing to challenge conventions, politically, when you analyze gender issues, women generally want more control and men less (men are more libertarian) because larger states give them the feeling of security and enable them to transfer resources to themselves for their own selfish desires (Paper proving this: Did Women’s Suffrage Change the Size and Scope of Government?
    http://www.people.fas.harvard.edu/~iversen/PDFfiles/LottKenny.pdf

    and showing that giving women the right to vote was one of the most harmful political decisions ever made (They were overwhelmingly the leading force that allowed prohibition to be enacted, by the way. Great way to start things off and practically the only major change they were primarily responsible for enacting.), women still being the most destructive force in modern society.

    They tend to be far less rational, more subject to emotional whims etc.

    Now, for psychologists, Countblah has stated that women are better at listening, and this may be true, along with understanding emotions. But if you want recommendations or therapies you could engage with them for actual effective and rational solutions to problems as opposed to someone to simply vent to, choose a man.

    Look at the ancient philosophers, the great philosophers before the corruption of leftist culture, political correctness, the relatively rapid and massive subjugation of the social psychology through shameful tactics, not to mention, By George, any classes or fields related to gender, and their views on women. Why is that? A product of their times? Is it that men that were willing to suffer, be exiled, even put to death for denouncing beliefs and systems that were among the most entrenched and venerated, who speaking against them was the greatest taboo, of religions, the concept of god, theism in general, morality, nearly every aspect of humanity and human society, could have overlooked something so obvious as alternate theories for their perceptions of the (current) general nature of women, or were they simply seeing things clearly, espousing their views without fear, when they had the freedom to, in the time when some things were seen as common sense because they were and leftist delusion had not created such widespread corruption? Before they became the new fascists of our time?

    Even the Marxist philosopher Slavoj recognized political correctness as a more dangerous form of totalitarianism. A modern manifestation of totalitarian social pressures and behavioral control.

    If you want an example of poor, poorly thought out and irrational, emotion driven ideas and actions, just look at Hydro and the life it led her to. No, I don't care about what your husband stated, you ultimately had the control and were foolish to believe him and not see or (want to) accept him for who he was.
  9. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    Btw- how is the nardil been doing for you? It seems youve gotten in a depressed rut, but also youve seemed more… empatetic?

    My stupid bitch of a psychiatrist took me off it months ago. I thought I had found a cheap source, but those stupid chinks put up the wrong product name (had it tested for free). Fuck her, I was seriously considering switching to a different one and probably should. I'm using Nardil in the meantime. Doesn't give me unbearable anxiety and make me dysfunctional if I take it orally, spread it throughout the day as much as possible, and combine it with pyrazolam.

    New rule for choosing a psychiatrist. Ask who the youngest person is, for me I could make up an excuse that due to being autistic I'm easily intimidated and feel safer around younger people. Reasons: A long time ago someone, somewhere, once mentioned that psychiatrists, maybe psychologists (as well) tend to become detached because if they felt the pain of all their patients, even just the worst ones, it would destroy them.

    My theory: Average IQ for the profession is around 125 (Around PhD level IIRC), they become jaded overtime because most people simply aren't that interesting or pleasant. In other higher level professions there's assorting, people work with people similar to them, on their level, or who at least have the intelligence to engage in conversations significantly beyond the banality, inanity, and vapidity of the common man. Particularly for those who work in areas where lower income, medi-cal/welfare program, patients are referred to, they see that most people aren't the least bit interesting, their ailment, the cause, what they have to say, their life history. 1-Tells obvious symptoms of depression 2-Diagnoses clinical depression (Yes, I already knew that, that's why I'm here.) 2-Prescribes SRRIs or other generic drugs with low efficacy because they're jacks of all trades, piss poor at all of them. Just look at the size of the DSM and how complex the etiology of most disorders can be, how many competing theories there are. The brain has been referred to as the most complex object in the known universe. And then there are all the drugs. In universities they teach simplifications in introductory classes, and then some jackasses (usually Marxist types) think they've refuted the theories of nobel prize winners as if no one has thought of such an an obvious flaw. Then they're expanded on, and you may even end up finding out that the common perception is nothing like how they actually work.

    Then they won't listen to you because the 20 minutes might be over, something far inadequate for your level of severity, which they either don't understand or care about. Time also means you'll always be be strangers and never really know each other, if they even want. Then if you try to have some say they'll judge you on superficial qualities (search costs, signaling, and the usefulness of group differences provide some justification), make assumptions etc. And in part I can't really blame them for becoming accustomed to this because Dunning-Krueger is ubiquitous, people read garbage like Natural News or Mercola, horribly inaccurate and misleading articles written by liberal art major journalist brats who are generally unqualified to write about anything, and think they know something, relative to someone with far higher general intelligence who's been in school for 8 years and had actual experience (usually they just stagnate afterward). Even if you specialize like an Aspie you need to understand the general system because things generally don't function in an isolated enough manner to have a proper understanding, even for a single paper. And you need to learn how to learn. The vast majority don't even know the difference between an observational study or a clinical one and why it matters. No, reading the abstract or skipping ahead to the conclusion is not sufficient. You need ti know how to spot flaws, confounding variables not accounted for (a wide knowledge base, good memory, and strong ability to recognize connections is very beneficial) statistical analysis, even conflicts of interest and which journals are shitty/unreliable. etc.

    Then there's the personality, what hierarchical systems, being in positions of authority does to people. Selection biases, certain types of people being drawn to certain occupations (think cops/pigs, politicians). Childish egoism where they can't even handle being challenged or corrected on anything. Make assumptions about your mental state, whether you feel you know more than them, don't respect them/give them the respect they reserve (treat them as someone higher than you, not an equal). Show them a paper and they either don't want to or don't have time to read it, feel offended by you trying to teach them something, as opposed to seeing the sharing of information as a positive thing, "I find this fascinating, do you?".

    It becomes methodical, not personal. I'm using the wrong word, but I'm getting tired. Routine. You don't care about people's lives and stories, you identify/mark down symptoms (checklist), diagnose, then it's on to the next one. You may as well be a tablet where people mark down answers. IIRC there was a allegedly finding a while ago, although I didn't confirm it, that people typing their symptoms into google had a more accurate diagnoses rate than diagnosticians. Of course everyone thinks they're the exception. And as machine develops, the gap will only widen, and you know I'd be overjoyed; the more people, hideous fleshjobs, replaced with strictly rational, unbiased, reliable machines the better.
  10. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    This is fascinating and incredibly valuable information:

    http://www.longecity.org/forum/topic/86504-4f-mph-best-antidepressant-i-have-ever-tried-to-date-group-buy/?view=findpost&p=779402 [FONT=helvetica][SIZE=14px]
    Methylphenidate blocks effort-induced depletion of regulatory control in healthy volunteers[/SIZE][/FONT]

    [FONT=helvetica][SIZE=14px] [/SIZE][/FONT]
    [FONT=helvetica][SIZE=14px][FONT=&quot]A recent wave of studies—over 100 conducted over the last decade—shows that exerting effort at controlling impulses or behavioral tendencies leaves a person depleted and less able to engage in subsequent rounds of regulation. Regulatory depletion is thought to play an important role in everyday problems (e.g., excessive spending, overeating) as well as psychiatric conditions, but its neurophysiological basis is poorly understood. Using a placebo-controlled, double-blind design, we demonstrate that the psychostimulant methylphenidate (commonly known as ‘Ritalin’), a catecholamine reuptake blocker that increases dopamine and norepinephrine at the synaptic cleft, fully blocks effort-induced depletion of regulatory control. Spectral analysis of trial-by-trial reaction times found specificity of methylphenidate effects on regulatory depletion in the slow-4 frequency band. This band is associated with the operation of resting state brain networks that produce mind wandering, raising potential connections between our results and recent brain network-based models of control over attention.[/FONT]

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4206661/

    No depletion of will power, subjugating the natural exhaustion that occurs when engaging in efforts outside of pure simplistic/shortsighted hedonic seeking.

    Yes, you were right Lanny, there is more to neuroscience for me. It's something I posted before:

    "These substances and techniques can be your dials and switches. Drugs loosen the chains of biology. You are no longer bound by the tyranny of the double helix."

    "You can do what you want, but you cannot want what you want." "Man is something to be surpassed." Drugs are the closes thing we have at hand. With genetic modification, it will largely benefit the fortunate new man that was engineered, not risen from the genetic roulette.

    The wise men of the past taught the overman through knowledge, yet we were still bound by the chain of evolution and could not stray to far, our predispositions, unchosen by us, made the overwhelming majority unsuitable. I bring you the overman, the time when man will move further from what he was born and toward what he chose. Man has been said to have the defining quality of having adapted (changed) his environment to suit himself as oppose to adapting to it (At least consciously, with foresight and to an extent far beyond that of the common animal.). Now man will change man to suit his will, his reason, until the term "man" will mean nothing anymore, except as a relic of the past, as our evolutionary ancestors are to us.[/SIZE][/FONT]


    Is that an actual pictureof you, Malice? Who took it?

    Anyway, I left for a while before we could turn notifications off and came back to over 1000 messages in my inbox. It broke my PS4 browser so I started using my phone exclusively. It would take me probably +2h to delete all that shit. That's just not gonna happen and Lanny doesn't care.

    No, that;s a picture of what may be a genuine Japanese hikikomori. Check the URL, it's from hikkichan. And I was just joking with you.

    2+ hours? Dude, how do dopaminergics effect you? Well, speed is much more suited for physical activity due being 50% levo. Did you ever try 2-FMA when it was readily available? My god, that was a functional stim like no other, you could become a productive machine.

    Maybe there's already a simple program for this. You'd just need to set it up it to move the pointer and click here, then here, then there, with a time function between clicks.

    Oh, what do you know, there are: https://www.google.com/search?q=auto+clicker

    Not really surprising. Makes me think, "Shit, how many times could this have been incredibly useful?" Oh fuck, these are for windows, unless you find one for android or are willing to (temporarily) install some version of linux, which may be able to dual boot, if not, backup, wipe, restore.
  11. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    Question, but when getting prescribed nardil, is there any contradiction eith klonopin and propranolol? I dont ever take kpins, but Id still like the script to sell if I can, and well… propranolol is certianly a good thing for me and my fucked heart- I believe I asked before about that and Im pretty sure there isnt a problem but I dont recall about klonopin

    No contraindication with either. Due to GABA-T inhibition, which reduces the breakdown of GABA, it would potentiate anxiolytics if you ever needed a booster. So a script of kpins, if you still needed them (A study found Nardil as effective as Xanax, surprisingly.), may last you 2-4 times as long (I don't know what the actual average potentiation is.).

    You know, I wanted to ask you something else, Malice, I thought of after smoking a little bud- if you were headed west, coming from the east coast, traveling more along 80, what along the way do you think would interest you to see? Have you ever thought of traveling? I mean, you get a check each month, if it didnt work out to do long term, Im sure youd be able to find another apaprtment with the assistance you get and your crazy check, so youve not got much to lose… is there anything thatd interest you that youd invest time and money to go see? A long while back you made mention of living out of a bus I think, converting it. Some people do take motorhomes, or campers and live out of them, sometimes years at the same rv park and sometimes just bouncing around staying until they are bored. I always thought that was a pretty cool way to live. while itd be great to live in a big nice house… what is it? Its a place to sleep, eat, and spend a little time to unwind… I love going and seeing new things, and especially being in nature and outside. I am one of those people who could sleep under the stars every night (especially tonight, its the summer solsctice and the moon is beautiful and bright and the sky is clear and its pretty cool compared to how its been most nights and during the day) and Ive done a lot of camping. The only thing that gets me camping is sleeping on the hard ground, but without too much expense I had pretty kick ass air matress I would say to this day, besides sleeping on a waterbed, was the most comfortable matress I ever slept on and it lasted me years until my father and grabdmother decided to let their dogs sleep on it (I love my dogs and a regular matress or couch, Im all for them sleeping on with me but not my air matress). I was so sad that fucking thing got a hole in it in a place it couldnt be patched- it had memory foam on top. That is one of my first purchases when I get up there, because no way can my ass handle hard ground with my back the way it is. being stoned as I am, I know Im wandering into left field here, but Ive been thinking a lot of the mistakes I made innlife were from taking the ultra safe choices… I look back and I see how my fear controlled me a bit and made it so hard to just do what it was I wanted in my heart… this may be a fuck up but there were worse choices on the table, and hopefully it works like its supoosed to.

    The autistic mentality/thinking style, conscious experience, can be radically different, and in terms of happiness, I can't say that difference is good. Actually, to be clearer, it can make things worse. Think Spock from Star Trek and seeing things in a strictly logical manner, a reductionist mechanical viewpoint. Drain all the meaning from life, the natural driving forces of man, become incredibly alienated. Then there's also the severe anhedonia, blunted affect, etc.

    Basically, my ability to enjoy things, experience pleasure, was fucked up to begin with in many ways (emotions, other people evoking emotions in you) and I only made it worse. Some may be able to be reduced to enough where life is at least alright, I wasn't always devoid of pleasure and emotion, fortunately, and it's such an innate part of the human experience, but these are profound neurological, physical, changes that have occurred over a decade of a lifestyle that extremely deviates from what humans evolved for, stretched the chain of evolution to point of asphyxiation, and they aren't going to change soon. Many people don't understand this, that having sex, even having people join together to give you the perfect day, won't change it and you may not feel a thing, and I would hate how that would make them feel or how they might react. This should be viewed closer to needing serious surgery, with a high risk of failure, before having the hope of walking, or brain surgery to remove a tumor that's pressing against the pleasure centers of your brain, making you unable to experience pleasure.

    Think of all the traits, the important things, viewpoints, that are what's really important in making a person who they are. Remove any superficiality, appearance, gender, mannerisms, race, voice, things that people aren't aware of how ingrained and intractable they are, how much they affect (Thank you sophie. An insight into the autistic mental process: Recognize error/sub-optimality/potential benefit, create rule-set, relevant situations trigger monitoring/remembrance/focus of mental faculties on refinement, repeat until behavior is ingrained/becomes habit. Although, impact could be used instead of affect in many situations...) them, and reduce communication to pure text on a screen. No one's really special. There are behavioral clusters, patterns (pattern recognition is another mental factor), as well, people tend to cluster into certain groups categories, it isn't simply a roll of the dice for everything. Even PhD.s are largely unremarkable (Brings to mind the saying, "You have to have higher education to be this stupid." Although it only tends to apply to a few fields.) Then there are the limits and flaws of communication.

    Without people in the world, many aspies describe them as feeling like just part of the background, natural scenery is simply endless repetition, searching for something (The perfect sight (Cherry blossom?)) you're never going to find, that simply isn't there. Food you aren't interested in, cultures and people you aren't interested or hate (There's immense stupidity in the world. So much irrationality, cultures being destructive to individualism. "Madness is rare in individuals, but in groups, it is the rule." Buildings, most of them ugly, you aren't interested in. Products and services you don't want (I don't own a single decorative or sentimental item, everything is either a necessity, pragmatic, or a tool (not defined as what's traditionally thought of as tools, something to facilitate another function, to create or modify). That's the main reason I haven't gone outside much in years, it just feels like there's nothing out there for me and when I'm reminded of it, it's confirmed, it induces profound melancholy.

    Damn, I shouldn't have answered that. I need a limit on negativity.
  12. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    Malice- I agree thats a better route to fill the desires of a child. My exhusband was the one who wanted a baby, not me. Im just making the most of what I have, and wanted to suggest other things that might make those numbers the way they are just from my personal experience. Also, I wonder, since they are taking this from birth to what.. 2 years? I wonder if post partum depression was considered in this too. during pregnancy and after the hormones get all fucked up big time… I definely had suffered and probably at times still suffer from post partum depression since hes been born. I feel bad for how at times Ive felt for when hes been born and things Ive said, but nobody ever even considers that its possible I was dealing with post partum depression. §m£ÂgØL has even said shit that I said back then and has held it over mewith no consideration of that before… I was very depressed, especially with the shit from my Exhusband. Ive always taken care of him to the best of my ability, never endangered him, and while at times Ive felt so low, and that maybe I didnt love him, had severe regrets he was here (mainly because of my exhusnand), Ive never been one of those fucked up people who thought about killing him or some shit like that. The worst Ive ever been has been contemplating leaving him with a friend or dcf and commiting suicide. Things have been better though… Ive always been a depressed person and have ideas that involve dying sometimes, but my priority is him being safe and happy always. Hopefully I can make some really good memories with my son growing up and while it wont be a normal life, not by a long shot, hopefully he will appreciate all the cool shit he gets to do with his mom. All I can do is make the best of a fucked up situation.

    Oh, that's something I wanted to respond to, but forgot because my other post didn't make it through.

    I think I've mentioned this to you before: From the Max-Plank Institute More than just the baby blues


    What has been known is that in the first three to four days after giving birth, estrogen levels drop 100 to 1000 fold

    Absolute madness.

    They found that levels of MAO-A were, on average, 43 percent higher in women who had just had a baby

    And the actual study: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20439828
    You're familiar with drugs, I'm sure you've heard of Suicide Tuesdays, referring the the rebound from MDMA use. Imagine some women feeling like that for months, years. And it effects more than serotonin, of course, You should be smart enough to know that an increase of 43% of MAO-A is going to have massive negative effects.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monoamine_oxidase_A
    Do a basic follow up, it's always good to refresh you memory. Spaced repetition is the only thin that actually works long term. actually.

    MAO-A levels in the brain as measured using positron emission tomography are elevated by an average of 34% in patients with major depressive disorder.[10]

    * ~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
    | And what's the most effective way to deal with drastically elevated MAO-A. Drugs that inhibit it!
    |
    | How does a 400% boost in GABA sound to you, without the tolerance and negative effects if benzos? A dug that is considered non-abuse able (It pretty much.)
    *~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

    Don't be discouraged ,it's common for doctors to say no the first, even multiple times. Doctors are busy, some people are very fortunate to have amazing ones, but you can still introduce him to bits of the most promising information. Always the actual use studies, never articles, and never mention anything along the lines of anti-GMO, anti-vax, alternative medicine; basically anything associated with hippies who don't know what the fuck they're talking about. I wouldn't even mention raw goal. Remember, they're there to treat you with medicine, not be your friend and nurture you. They aren't psychologists of therapists. You need to keep this in mind when you plan what to say. Intelligence is valued, and it doesn't cost much to buy a pair of clear lens glasses online and an outfit at a thrift store that create a positive impression. I absolutely hate how people judge by appearance, but I understand why
    ​
    I have 1,339 messages in my inbox. Your PM didn't make it through as usual. I can't clean up that mess. I have to create a new account.

    It's like being a responsible adult. You don't let things pile up. You do a few minutes of work here and there. Maybe you quickly wash a few dishes if you don;t have a dishwasher. Clothes are so easy with a washing machine it's barely even a chore, unless you go to a laundromat. An area of your house is particularly dirty, you vacuum and because it's small it doesn't take long at all. People make the mistake, feel the compulsion, that it must be dine all at once,

    That is what adults do, RisiR. This is how people with your habits end up:



    No, but enough mothering. a script for this should be easy to make, but I never had an interest in that field. Asking Lanny for feature to delete all messages also doesn't seem like a good idea because besides maintenance work (forgive me if this actually takes quite some time and is tedious), I can't blame him for not seeing this site as worth investing the time and effort.

    A name change wouldn't matter much, at least to me. Legal names have always seemed like a form of identification I was indifferent to. Usernames represent something abut yourself, but in a place as vast as the internet, many others may share your username, which is why some people add numbers (I say "some" because it wouldn't surprise me if a significant percentage just tacked it on because it was their "favorite" or they believed in numerology or some other symbolic bullshit.).
  13. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    This made me laugh hard as fuck. What a different world the Disney movies would be if Malice was the protagonist.

    That would be awesome. Of course I'm nothing like that IRL. I've accepted I'm psychologically crippled and need serious help; just saying this so no one thinks I;m fooling myself (As if Disney movies are even remotely realistic,.

    But the internet version of me...the dark sense of human, complete disregard for societal norms, saying what others are't willing to, engaging in evil simply for the joy and challenge of it (not necessarily the kind where anyone gets physically hurt.

    And Malice would be a pretty cool name for a protagonist. I think it would be very difficult to get right, unfortunately.

    I recall reading about Nightcrawler and the rice of the Hollywood anti-hero.

    Disney movies, sadly not gonna happen, it's Disney.

    But with cultural trends: desensitization, a continuing sharp decline in organized religion, the internet continually becoming more ubiquitous in people's lives.

    Time to learn some interesting info about China's economics. Google projections for smartphone users in China, it' already way multiples of the US. They also get it straight from the source for a lot chaper. Not surprising considering weak IP/intellectual property laws, which do not have net benefits. Quite the opposite, The argument why i more advanced and Imma bout ot pass out. Simple way to put it, innovation, its incremental (standing on the shoulder of giants), because inventions build on others, combine parts. In fact it's been studied throughout history and even for the most famous/beneficial/groundbreaking inventions it was found that multiple people throughout the world had filed patents for it at nearly the same time, same year at most. Someone just got all the credit and fame because they were in the right place at the right time , more charismatic, better marketers, wealth (possibly their parents)

    One of the stupidest pages I've ever seen was some white quilt university section demonstrating what they thought/claimed/assumed the world would have been like if black people didn't exist. First off, there's the famous "Black Invention Myths". If you think a little, it shouldn't be surprising at all that white supremacist/separatist/whatever would up hosting them since they're racist against blacks and don't like a pro-Black narrative that simple isn't accurate and it designed to bolster their egos/dreams. Interestingly, the correlation between grades and self-esteem is negative, with East-Asian females scoring the lowest for self-esteem/confidence, while black males are the inverse. And when polled, Blacks actually feel positive about school/education; and no, this wasn't their principle staring them down while they looked over their shoulder, you don't become a researcher by being an idiot, you have to be pretty damn smart and hard working and we've known about the major factors that skew tests like this for decades.

    Honestly, the majority of the population seems to genuinely be so stupid that they believe if the government didn't do something or tell them what to everyone would just sit around wondering what do to. If people are that stupid, how do you expect democracy to ever work well? Oh wait, Trump, Hillary, the governments of the middle east (Pew polled resident's from majority Islamic countries and the results were horrific, nowhere near a small minority. Complete hypocrisy the way Disingenuous White LIberals (cowards) perform mental gymnastics, divert and avoid, or constantly play the race card while claiming they don't. Fuck white evangelicals/fundamentalists too. Wouldn't you be worried if they started moving to and breeding in your state en masse (conservatives actually do have considerably more children than liberals,and your parents ideology is the strongest predictor, which has remained steady and shows no signs of changing. One of the most troubling examples of mating patterns is Israel, which either had the worst international favorability ranking or close to it, Now 50% of Israeli youth consider themselves right-wing and view Palestine as the aggressors. There may also have been a question about support for settlements, a.k.a. taking land that doesn't belong to

    Oh, and China isn't as poor as it seems due Price Purchasing Parity (PPP), the cost of living being so low. Random note before that, contrary to China's image as a totalitarian regime, it seems the cops are generally pretty cool and a helluva lot more likely to live you alone, especially compared to US cops. And, let's face it, if you're White they don't want a possible international fiasco. Stay the fuck away from politics and you'll generally be safe.

    Wait a minute, is China even a big market for Disney movies? What the hell was the pint of that? Well, not I'm too tired to check after ranting and it doesn't seem to matter much, but if I had a final point it's that there are multiple forms of entertainment that are ever increasing in amount and quality, lowering in price (older generations to the highest extent,), and chasing a limited resource: Human savings and leisure time,

    Bringing it back to your idea, one day global GDP increases enough, especially if China reaches around the standard of living as the US, this means there will far more money to make niche products financially feasible. Another aspect is that production costs may lower enough (Seems the tech sector consistently has the highest price drops), outsourcing to poorer countries, or making your with software so advanced, non-sentient AI with advanced prediction and creation algorithms. This really isn't unrealistic. But when? You'll come out looking like a food if you attempt to time things, with all the knowledge in the world and things you'll never know.
  14. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    Is that actually true? That sounds like something in the same vein as "citrus will bring down a trip"

    I believe they do, but benzos are a far superior choice. IIRC Ativan is what's given in emergency situations, people who end up taking a trip to the infirmar, an IV solution if very rapid results are needed (not sure if this is the standardm but I'd recommend it due to how extreme time dilation can become and the damage anf trauma that rapidly occur). On the other hand, if someone is actually full blown psychotic, at least due to underlying mental illness or having taken them while under severe sleep deprivation or on meth which retards like scronaoldo may do, a chemical lobotomy may be the best option.
  15. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    Another note, of all the foreign languages I've come across, German by far seem the easiest to pronounce, to have the most affinity for my vocal style. In middle and high school my voice was known for being extremely deep, even remarked upon by a teacher, a girl described it as bear like when I had to answer a question in a lecture hall.

    Not sure if it actually is, my throat was so extremely tensed from anxiety and extreme aversion/dislike for speaking, and I don't think I naturally sound like that anymore. Could be due to never having developed my "man voice", being completely socially undeveloped (It is what it is).

    I hate languages though, and adhere strongly to rational ignorance. I just don't see the benefit being worth the opportunity cost. Imagine teaming, walking up to girls that deserved it (believe me, you needn't look far here) and souting phrases that sounded incredibly menacing, but were in realit either completely absurd or irrelevant.

    Fear is a type of power.
  16. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    Malice, I think the worst part of a child is eithet having them 24/7 and trying to hold shit together or having to work so much you hardly see them. I love and genuinely enjoy taking my baby places and swimming and such, its just the constant work and household shit doing it all alone thats been so tough. Soon, I wont have all these burdens, and can actually go out into the world on an adventure with him and my friends and just get to enjoy a lot of good things with him. i am really excited for this, but aso scared due to a lot of unknown factors, suddenly moving with my animals and packing… but once its done and we are there it shouldnt be too bad- then in a few weeks its off on a road trip for a while… who knows how long.

    If I ever recover and live the point where I have a significant other and we have that need I'd use something like the boy scouts or a Big Brother type program to fill the urge. Or babysit for friends, ideally in an upper class educated neighborhoof where certain types I may have an affinity for congregate (tech sector, academia), their superior genes being inherieted by their children.
  17. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    RisiR, did you receive my PM? When I tried to send it to you it gave my a message that I could only have 50 posts in folders max. Nearly all Thanks notifications.

    If you aren't receiving any:
    First in the inbox folder the "select all" option is invisible in my page, although you can still click it if you hover it. It's next to "Select:" beneath "Mark as read".
    They will be sent to the "Trash" folder, and from there tou must select all again and delete permanently.

    You know how I am, robotically meticulous, not assuming or condescending. I also remember you telling me that you don't have a PC, and this would be easier to miss on phones. Actually, I've very rarely used the site on mobile, so I don't know what glitches may be specific to it.

    Or do you want to give me your cell phone number? I have a Google Voice Account that can forward calls to me cell. You could message me any time about anything, oddly I have an odd mixture of psychopatic/sadistic traits along with genuinely enjoying helping people while expecting nothing in return, usually with the vast and widespread knowledge I've attained. Fortunately the former have largely disappeared since my depression began, increasing with time.

    Write it down, faggot. Write it all down. I'll be your, less jedi, Max Brod.

    The German people are melancholic enough. On the aubject od children, they've amazingly managed to attain a lower birth rate than Japam. If there's any country that could use this, it's the US. It's a shame, or of all the European it should be the damn French driving themselves to exctinction. Did you know that they were rated as the worst tourists? They even rated themselves as the worst! They're also among the unhappiest by many measures, and even immigrants, people with very different culture, or at least second generations onward, show this decline as well. There's a fascinating paper titled "The French Unahppiness Puzzle".

    Some country to look up to.

    You're bound to have people who idolize and emulate American culture while in actuality knowing nothing about it (There is no American culture, the country is so vast, with so many ethnic groups, religions, even massive cultural divides between people who would label themselves "conservative" or "liberal" (leftist). France is one of the countries, and the others are the Nordic countries, which are far worst in this reard, usually be the kind of people who supposrt Bernie Sanders.

    Possibly residual afinil and euregoic (wakefulness enhancer, plus lossibly some DRI effects.) But the summary is Fuck France, fuck their hisotry, nation, and politics.
  18. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs13524-015-0413-2
    Parental Well-being Surrounding First Birth as a Determinant of Further Parity Progression




    And this wasn't simply during hte infant stage, which, many may not know due to immense taboo, seems to be universally reviled, and for good reason; it persisted 1-2 years, which, unfortunately, is when the study ended (they were also polled regularly 3 years beforehand).

    Suffer for your sins. Women, the most vile of animals. Professional men only spend an average of 1 hour per day interactign with their children. Via the opportunity cost you could demonstrate how astoundingly immoral it is. Then there's the anti-natalism argument, and I've found a solution to every criticism I've come across, some should have known better (Bryan Caplan, although he does have children and even those at the extreme of low emotion and high systemizing/adherence to reason can become succeptible to massive biological bias).

    An absolute fool's errand.

    I'd like to see research for data on mother's with PHD's (proxy for IQ and conscientiousness), or strictly IQ, and how the experience varies for them. Still not something I'd want to do, although if the Chinese project headed by the Beijing Genomic's Institute (may have changed their name, I don't know what their current status is.) It would be a pretty cool expereince to raise one of those children if they had already been created regardless, although I imagine adoption standards could be quite strict. Parental "irrelevance" ala Caplan suggests this would be misguided, depending on the number produced. Of course, given my ethics, I wouldn't be against kidnapping/theft, fraud, or bribery, if possible. Justifiable even if they were condemned to institutions where they would be raised in the manner and for the purpose the state seemed fit. Even if you quickly found yourslef to be intellectually inadequate for your child, with the monetary means you could still ensure they found their peers by sending them to a school for the (highly) gifted, live in a neighborhood such as where the UC Berkeley professors live (north of campus tends to be common, I beleive).

    Anyway, I think I've cracked some of the (perceived) inconsistencies in the data and it's now, or at least is close enough, to making perfect sense.

    I felt I'd like to write a paper on this, along with one I may title "Autism: The Diease of Suffering" about those on the "high" functioning end seem to haave the highest capacity of nearly all disorders (On this, given my reading into happiness research and the etiology of autism, it makes perfect sense.) before I may die, but people have wasted their lives due to the lack of understabding of the intractability of human nature, and the overwhelming majority of papers, even if free, as barely read by anyone. I suppose it would have to be for my my own personal satisfaction.
  19. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    Man can do what he wants but he cannot want what he wants.
  20. Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    Something strange is going on today and I don't know how to feel about it. My broken laptop fixed itself, my phone which doesn't like to charge got to 100%, my old broken phone is even working somewhat, my netflix account I got a free trial for and didn't pay after that first month is even working and I checked and I can't see them taking money out my account. I don't know why things are going in my favour and it scares me because it means soon I'm going to have some really bad luck to even it out.

    Don't worry, there is no karmic system.
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