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Posts by Malice
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2016-07-04 at 11:19 AM UTC in How many friends do you have?I genuinely don’t believe I could have friends, let alone a romantic relationship, without years of intensive therapy first, if ever.
Did you know that the suicide rate for adults with Asperger's is 9x that of the general population, 40x for those with depression. Factor in all the other variables and I’m a dead being walking.
I didn’t see myself as just another statistic, weak and ineffective, that was my mistake. We’re all bound by biologica/physicall reality, and to be human may be something I despise so much I’d rather die than live this life. There may have been nothing to lose to begin with. -
2016-07-04 at 4:03 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionOh, and I would also lie about having been aiming for a degree in neuroscience or pharmacology before breaking down from trying make it completely alone or some traumatic event triggering it.
RisiR, I did apologize in the "Friends becoming foes" thread. But what you ultimately fail to realize is the importance of my intention to hurt you, which I had none. It's like s shit talking competition between friends, except we're on the internet where people tend to be desensitized, shielded by anonymity and lack of physical danger, and aren't affected by seeing each other face to face and communicating in real time, which would alert them to the pain they may be causing.
I hate emotions, I hate dealing with people and their emotions, but, fuck it, unless you radically alter a human genome and turn it into life, or merge with machines, suppressing/erasing doesn't work. We evolved them for a reason, your brain goes ballistic.
One of my findings:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/5-HT2A_receptor
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/5-HT2C_receptor#Function
Nardil is sanity promoting. The more I've read, the more I've realized I was never really in control.
I do apologize for everything I posted, I have to stop doing this, stop it from becoming a habit, as close to the manifestation of the behavior as possible. Now I'm going to sedate myself and stop posting for today. -
2016-07-04 at 3:20 AM UTC in Friends becoming Foes
I don't give a shit about the novel you wrote before insulting me. I also don't care about the flowers thing. I actually do that from time to time just for fun.
I quoted what insulted me. Where is your apology?
"A big gorilla with a red beard that scares women." I guarantee you that if you we ever met I would be the first person to show absolutely no fear in their eyes when I stared into your's, not out of contempt, but because I see through people and I know that inside you have so little will that even if I did the worst thing that would anger you you would have no real strength that would give me the least bit of worry."
RisiR, I called you a big gorilla (looking motherfucker) with a beard that scares (some) women because this is exactly how you described yourself. The second is true because you are emotionally weak right now. You're easily hurt, wanted sympathy, and in that moment were treated like this by someone you identified with.
I was trying to find the worst insults in German and you people are insulted by the silliest things. Of course ultimately they're all just noises.
But, I woke up, and before I force myself out to take my medication and be able to function, I think of death, I'm severely depressed, and I did think of you.
I've thought that all I've ever done is hurt people, those who just wanted to get close to me, that if this is what I am in a natural state, maybe some genes to play the role in tribe that goes berserk in warfare and kills countless, that I inherited certain qualities from my father. That if I'm destined to be a monster I should just kill myself and I don't want to hurt people anymore.
There are serenics: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenic
and therapy. I'm terribly damaged. I don't know what I want or what I'm doing.I'm not really that rude.
I recall you being pretty brutal at times, but, as I'll say below, everyone thinks they're justified. "They deserved it." Maybe they did, maybe they didn't.threatening to kidnap me and lock me up in a gay sex dungeon
Hahaha, what? Did I really say that? I mean, it's definitely the kind of thing I might say, but I did a search for dungeon here and via google and found nothing. I want to know the context. There's no way I'm serious.
I also do genuinely believe you may have many high functioning autistic/Asperger's traits, even if mild, and don't consider that an insult. I'd genuinely be curious to see what you would score on an autism quotient test under optimal circumstances, being observed by a quality professional who specializes in the condition. It's not that big a deal, it's an arbitrary threshold anyway. Who knows, maybe subconsciously I just want someone similar to me in some, some less common, ways.between enumerating logical fallacies he thinks I embody
You must be extremely egotistical in a manner, and the last time I clearly stated I was just joking because you've repeatedly been too autistic to realize this in the past without me explicitly stating so.
Not only that, but you've denigrated people to a fairly brutal extent countless times, behaved extremely elitist and condescending, and IIRC you stated Rust was your favorite poster on Totse/Zoklet, who did the same thing.
Of course the difference here is that you see yourself as justified, just as everyone does. Maybe you need a taste of your own medicine and to be knocked down a few pegs.
I suppose it's quite a positive sign that you place such value on your own aptitude for logic and reasoning and adherence to it that you'd be so insulted by this, but you should give up now because you're always going to be a second-hand faux-intellectual compared to those in academia, and you're already too late for the latter. You made your choice, and I've pointed out your hypocrisy of choosing to work in the financial sector and having had plans centered on high frequency trading of all things (Any hypocrisy of mine changes nothing about yours and I'm not even quite sure what I believe in anymore; there are so many concepts and interconnections I've lost track, along with passion/interest and ability to utilize my cognition in this state.). If it really mattered to you so much you would have gone down that route, which you've stated is your ideal:Since ever? My whole schtick is that I too fully embody the middle class ideal of delayed gratification that I'll perpetually be waiting/working for something better until I die. I was made for waiting.
I honestly don't understand how living that life is worth it.
It's really not! I get by on empty hedonism, and a complex of self loathing and superiority with a hope that the better angels of my nature will win out and I'll manage to choose a life as a middling academic being underpaid and overworked and largely ignored but doing something that I find a meaningful as opposed to making excessively more money than I deserve while garnering the approval of my parents and peers.
Now those people, people where you'd truly find your peers (How's the financial sector for satisfying that, eh, boyo? Or even the vast majority of programmers, particularly considering what the vast majority of businesses, including the largest that draw the top talent, are devoted to. You're satisfied by coding for a number of reasons, but they're all egotistical and crude, and ultimately insufficient. You excel at it, at least relative to the general population, which isn't saying much at all (a bar so low only it may as well have been designed for Barbados Slim), I'd love to see how you'd rank among those in your region, excluding the code monkeys; although you would probably go to such extents to avoid looking at it, your mind instinctively engaging your ability to suppress memories from being formed as a self-preservation instinct, that we'd need this to utilize this:
You'd probably be in tears if you ever visited Google's main campus and tried to join in on an actual deep discussion, and I mean if you were a decade or few older in your prime.)
In neuroscience, pharmacology, even social psychology, I've discovered and located information, made enough novel connections and theories to produce more academic papers than you could ever hope to achieve in comp sci. Of course I'm too dysfunctional/damaged, generally don't give a shit about helping others, and probably don't have much of a life expectancy, so you're competing with a cripple.
There's the natural human quality, clearly demonstrated, that many behaviors and emotions, happiness and satisfaction, are based relative to others. You're influenced by the same ugly desires everyone else was, status, money, approval, feeling you're contributing. It's practically a game, like a feeling of satisfaction from a video that ultimately produces nothing outside of yourself, only hedonism, a constant dopamine drip. Solve the problem, beat it, overcome it, triumph, produce, create, improve. You say you're happy being a cog, but what machine are you a part of? If it was something truly worthwhile, maybe you would be genuinely happy.
You have enormous capital at your disposal (long-term, peak earnings), which has enormous potential/power, and could be put to great use, but I doubt it. It will largely be consumed by you, you're alienated from the effects of any contribution to charities, and at the end will have nothing left. How will the industry change in the future and will this really be able to keep you happy an satisfied for decades, particularly considering your young age? -
2016-07-04 at 1:35 AM UTC in How many friends do you have?
Ok, I just figured out that some people still care about me in real life so maybe two. I have two good friends.
Thank god, less work for me and a lower possibility of being a major contributor to your death.
But, no, really, I'm glad.
The answer for me is zero, and I don't use a strict definition of the term. I've now spent half my life without personal relationships, I barely even spoke to my family since that time unless necessary, averaging under 10 words a day overall, and purposefully detached myself from them to the point where I left without a word, felt nothing for them, and didn't even think about them for 6 years, which was only due to a biological trigger (evo theory of depression). I've never even spoken to people online via voice or cam. -
2016-07-04 at 1:25 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
Malice, have you noticed your rate of typos/spelling mistakes/grammatical errors has taken a sharp upward turn lately? I can't really talk because I make stupid grammar mistakes in like a solid half of the posts I make (I've considered that it's because I like deeply recursive grammatical structures on an aesthetic level and as a product of liking to speak tangentially but lacking the working memory to execute correctly) but you usually have very good construction, even in long posts, but that's changed in the last few I've read. Maybe lay off the parnate a bit
I think he just started drinking alcohol recently. Typing drunk is hard as shit at first.
Yeah, I did start drinking some time ago. Although it hasn't been non stop, or to particularly excessive levels, just tipsy. I've even mixed it with benzos, a blue microscoop of etizolam, which is enough to eventually make me pass out (It's happened before). This is considered dangerous and can kill you due to the possibility of asphyxiating on your own vomit, although I do naturally sleep on my left side, having a very strong preference for it, it having a benefit over the right due to the location of the stomach and path of the esophagus. I bring this up because my actions show a clear pattern of valuing my life less, although also being willing to risk more for a chance to live/function, along with the cascade of effects stemming for an ingrained estimation/realization/acceptance that your life expectancy is likely going to be much shorter than you would have hoped. Although, even if I genuinely don't want to live, and I may be one of the few who doesn't to stop the pain (http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/200381-the-so-called-psychotically-depressed-person-who-tries-to-kill-herself), which is chronic, but relatively mild, I genuinely don't even truly want happiness anymore and could see myself, or would hope, that I would still end my life if I saw a rational reason for it in that emotional state, but recognize that it would allow an overall more optimal functioning, greatly increase the likelihood of attaining my ultimate goal, that I've taken this to such an extreme that my worldview/thoughts may have become more distorted than they would be from emotions and the exogenous corruption of other people, and that I would have a greater capacity to grapple with the ideas, the concepts, I've been struggling with, greater mental resilience, greater cognitive functioning allowing me to aggregate and analyze more pertinent data.
Also, I think Chrome's spelling editor broke and I never got around to fixing it or finding a replacement.
Oh, I've also skipped sleep a number of times and I've posted about why I suspect it affects me far more (2, 3 times the normal rate?) than the general population due to being on the autism spectrum.
#2 is particlrly (Wrote that on porpoise. Just kidding, purpose.), oh, it seems to be working again, nevermind.
But, no, I wake up feeling severely depressed and ruminating on the various reasons I'm most likely doing to die. It's not optimal, it is an amphetamine derivative and the effect on norepinephrine is too strong for my likely (Particularly after my mental breakdown/depersonalization-derealization I noticed a distinct change in how actual amph affected me, a feeling that I estimate vaguely around the schizo(mimetic)//psychosis range. Actually, at first I thought I had been sent a fake/cut batch from a vendor, and misunderstood how to do an acetone wash, which convinced me (No, I don't think it was paranoia or some acute episode of mental illness, I literally thought the opposite was supposed to occur, the amph dissolving in acetone and leaving impurities behind, not the other way around. I quickly accepted my mistake, though, when I took a dose high enough to send my resting heart rate to 140bps (It won't kill you, I know what I'm doing.), in case it was cut, and realized that due it clearly having some effect, yet unlikely being ephedrine or something, the problem was likely on my end (like talking to a robot, aye?).
Last time I was taking it rectally to bypass the GI tract and need for diet, found paper on metabolism that suggested hepatic wasn't important as with Nardil (some drugs are converted into active or more optimal forms, or have beneficial metabolites). This gave me terrible anxiety, likely, at least in part, due to the much quicker uptake, along with making me more dysfunctional.
There's a generalized fear associated with autism, at least some kinds, that's distinctly different from standard types that can be helped by therapy, something like a phobia. One of the principle differences in the spectrum had been an enlarged and overactive amygdala. Temple Grandin, famous for being autistic and being given a very poor diagnosis at a young age, then going on to earn a PhD, focusing on the betterment of the state of farm (Including CAFOs), who stated an affinity toward animals and non-verbal thinking style enabled her to make novel advancements, also stated that the primary emotion felt by autistics is fear. Fuck her opinion and generalization, name dropping is only effective in communication due to signaling, transaction costs for information, hierarchical behavior, cognitive biases etc. My point is that it's much more primal and animalistic, like an animal feeling a general fear when they've strayed from the herd. Or something I mentioned before, a Ted Talk (hate them, only look them up for specific people sometimes, a talk at Google usually being better) where Cacioppo, who wrote Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection, described a mouse/rat study on the effects of social isolation and what may have been a standard animal model of (a specific type of) anxiety test, where the isolated rats spent far less time wandering into the open center of a container, akin to how in the wild open areas are more dangerous, from prey, ground, or air. Either a general increase in anxiety or at least the rational evolutionary behavior or herding due to it being a numbers game, one hawk (predator), one prey (mouse), the more you're with the less the chance the dicehead will land with your image on it. Biological reality is quite ugly, isn't it?
Orally, it's much better, although, of course, I can't know how much is due to possible changes since that period. Spread out throughout the day as much as possible is best.
I'm also taking pyrazolam, which is quite good. There are novel anxiolytics in the pipeline, but my view has changed and I don't have much hope for them. It's kind of funny, I associate it with MAOIs. Literal decades have passed and now it turns out, and I'm quite confident in my opinion, that it's back to basics that's the optimal path, and by a wide margin. You may not need to move past benzos to avoid the problems, you just need selectivity.
Oh, one more thing, when I get tipsy I easily develop double vision and literally need to keep one eye closed to be able to type, and that comes at the cost of depth perception.
But, yes, I should avoid a dose too high, even if it's more "effective". Just enough to keep me alive.
God I have a seething hatred of the psychiatric system. Everyone knows how fucked up the health system is, focusing on physiological ailments, but meds are part of pharma. The general rule is that the mainstream is always wrong or highly inaccurate, regardless of general alignment with left or right, and this is the case here too. I'm extremely pro-drug, but the lobbying/legislation passed to gain an advantage via the power of political authority, intellectual property, prices (not so much an issue for me), institutional biases (There was a quote someone used about outdated theories that should have been dismissed long ago despite all the evidence. Something along the lines of "Progress is only made when the old die." Those at the top of the hierarchy, even in academic institutions). All this greatly slowing down advancement.
On a personal level, Haidt's study on political ideology and correlates with personality variables, which includes (right)libertarians, the video of the lecture given at the Cato institute being quite good (My favorite part was the audiences laughter at one of the questions libertarians scored particularly high on "Contradicting others makes me feel stimulated."), includes that libertarians in general score the highest on measures of logic and reasoning, lowest on measures of emotion, except when it came to infringements on their personal liberty. I have a seething hatred of dealing with psychiatrists and all the issues of human messiness, and unfortunately the assortative mixing among professions, they tend to be among the people that I dislike/clash with the most for a variety of reasons, and they damn well deserve it.
Anyway, I'm trying to get Nardil as soon as possible. Did some new research further proving it is the Lord's drug, which I plan to make a thread on. I was trying to source some from China, but, fuck, no one fucking sells it, and it's a relatively simple synth if done properly. If you can avoid random explosions (Ceretropic's lab had this problem when scaling up and I found a potential cause, didn't check back on how their lab responded.) I'm getting it by any means necessary.
Atypical of aspies (possibly, actually looked up some relevant papers to see if this is even true, or to what extent the deficiency is (I'd particularly like to see how it correlates with IQ/general intelligence)), I have extremely good theory of mind, but I've speculated before on whether I'm simply compensating through raw analytical ability. IIRC scans done on those with early intensive and high quality intervention later on in their life showed that their neurological activity/patterns were the same as aspies/high functioning autistics, they were just compensating to the point where they may have no longer met the diagnosis, performed on par with neurotypicals. Then there's the aspect on never having focused on highly specific unpragmatic subjects, like the stereotypical train schedule shit, or having been a mono-maniac (maybe intermittently, flitting between subjects once I felt satisfied.), which could have been due to ADD traits, but the central subject of my rumination and reading largely having been on humans and human society, systemizing humanity, the most complex system of all. For psychological well being, I don't believe this ended well (ignorance > bliss). Body language, differences in visual acuity and contrast, and peripheral vision, being beneficial here, is similar.
Point being, I adapt extremely quickly and notice things instantly, their general perception of me, why they make a choice, lies, and likely future events.
I've decided to abandon my current psych and request to be transferred to another, hopefully being able to receive another 45 minute initial session. I specifically want her due to the reviews I found of patients being overwhelmingly negative, focusing almost entirely on them feeling she was cold, uncaring, and detached, which is exactly what I want and with the right the right introductory speech, which is genuine, could form an affinity. There are also other mistakes I made that are easy to remedy. Dress well, wear clear lens glasses, bring a cane (good looking/unique one) items like this are an excellent ice breaker and make up to some extent for the perceived lack of personality/charisma, which is accurate, and practice a limp, to make up for the handicap of invisible disabilities and evoke sympathy, make the symptoms/disorders and severity much easier to accept.
Hopefully I'm on the path to Keyser Söze. I admire the men who can kill and live with it for the rest of their lives without a problem, particularly if they aren't true psychopaths, were even well within the range of normality to begin with, but have or developed the mental resilience. Right now I'm weak, wasting. -
2016-07-03 at 7:02 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionAh, one last thing, just a short time ago you reveled in my sadism towards Lanny: http://niggasin.space/forum/spurious-generalities/112222-why-are-perverts-such-fucking-retards#post112525
I wasn't lying about drugs sending my into psychopathic states (It's a spectrum, like autism). Haven't you ever done something ugly, hurtful, that you regretted when you were on drugs. But, really, read it again after you sleep and see it in a different way and you may find how silly it really is. -
2016-07-03 at 6:51 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionBefore sleep:
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2016-07-03 at 6:20 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionThis is exactly what happened with PoC. Why am I more easily and deeply wounder IRL than anyone, yet cold and thick skinned online?
You should see how I responded to Hydro's email. If she commits suicide, it may have been because of me, but at least he will be in a far better situation. If she dies, it would only be the price of the greatest sin you can commit, the creation of sentient life. -
2016-07-03 at 6:14 AM UTC in Friends becoming Foes
That's fighting words. I have never talked shit about Malice once. I fo real tried to better his life by being a friend to him. Even if it's just online. I really tried to have a positive impact on his life because he can need every kind of help he gets.and I liked him from the get go.
What the fuck? I'm baffled.
Steppenwolf. He took the game of life too seriously, but one day he may have learned to play, and finally laugh like the immortals. It was insinuated that he was still alive, somewhere, and after having experienced and learned something so profound, how may it have changed his course in life? "How can you say you've had enough of life when you're never even experienced it? He learned to dance, and love, and fee, some freedom among others.
Hahaha, read the post again. Only the part after the final two quotes was an insult. Actually, the first few paragraphs were a legitimate critique of your comment's about Strangelov's method of shipping NSI. Everything was augmented my flmodafinil and parnate though, so it was akin to a far purer stimulant effect.
Then I insulted your fear of prison, and again spoke only the truth. It is a complement to be told the truth, to be treated as a true equal that can bear it, rather than someone that's so childish and undeveloped they need to be lied to (Why even ask a question then? Is it a real relationship if you can't be fully honest.) The differences of the German system are positive, and our perceptions can be largely relative.
Penultimate, I called you a little girl who wears flowers in her beard, I wanted to write that you wore roses because they matched the color, but couldn't get a good translation. It's such an incredibly silly insult, but you're German, and I wasn't sure how you'd perceive it. That was part of the fun, and you satisfied me by reaction to something so absurd.
Finally, do have no fear of another person, of them harming you, wouldn't that allow for true peace and openness? It's a beautiful thing really.
But you are depressed and easily hurt in this stage when you want someone to understand you, particularly to understand the difference between grief, a natural reaction from an event, and chronic severe depression and suicidality. I literally have not had a friend in 13 years, it's been half of my lifetime now; can you imagine what that does to you? And I did it to myself, I chose to be alone, and when I realized what it had done to me and would continue to keep doing to me, I still chose to be alone. It's at the point where no one, or someone extremely rare, a service you;d have to be rich to afford, would even be worth trying. Even what natters most in my mt mind, heart, feels trapped. Completely alone. To be honest, I don't expect to make it out of this alive, and when you aggregate the relevant data, it supports it.
You know, you're displaying the porcupine's dilemma. I hate how how fragile human hearts are.You have to think about Malice differently than other people. We treat most people as if they are the sum of their actions, if Bob steals from you or calls you a faggot then that's good reason to believe Bob is going to try to do you harm in the future. With malice that's not really the case, he's not as devoid of emotions as he'd like to believe but there is no emotional inertia. He won't avoid calling you out if you've had positive interactions in the past and he won't hold a real grudge. He's brought up the story of his former principal calling him the most destructive person he (the principal) had ever met repeatedly and that's clearly an enduring self image.
You should engage him with that in mind. Interacting with him clearly has its charm, he's smart and highly entertaining but it's also kind of like interacting with a robot. Every conversation is closer to talking with a stranger than with a friend and the outcome is forgotten immediately afterwards. It's actually kind of refreshing once you get used to it, there's a kind of honesty in it, you don't need to try to spare his feelings and you know what you're getting is unenhancemented.
If my emotions weren't so severely blunted, I not so detached, that may have been extremely hurtful, although the rest is flattering, Unfortunately the pain is augmented greatly and the caoacity for joy diminished, -
2016-07-02 at 9:30 PM UTC in Just told my buddy that I'm suicidal and he's a total asshole about itHave you ever tried ketamine for depression? You only need a low dose. Seriously, just take some until I can post something better (keep skipping sleep).
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2016-07-02 at 9:04 PM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionGoddamn flmodafinil/parnate combo. I have got to stop doing to excess, especially when I'm sleep deprived.
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2016-07-02 at 9:01 PM UTC in Would you kill a vegetable-level human if you wouldn't get in trouble for it?
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2016-07-02 at 8:50 PM UTC in SolicitorsJust put up a sign that says:
[SIZE=48px]I'M POOR AS FUCK AND WORSHIP SATAN, LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE OR I SWEAR YOU'LL GET WHAT THE LAST FUCKING FUCK STUPID ENOUGH TO IGNORE THIS GOT!!![/SIZE]
Splash some fake blood on it too, a bit around it on the floor and ground if that's okay, if your landlord won't bitch and it's removable.
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2016-07-02 at 8:15 PM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
A dying breed by default. A truly cruel irony to possess a functioning brain and a penis at the same time.
I've always felt like there was more hate coming from women towards men than vice versa. I don't know a single woman who has not ranted on men like there was no tomorrow and everyone's ok with it for some reason. Probably because we are used to the bitching and don't hold the opinion of women in high regards anyway. When a man opens his mouth, though oh ho ho…. they all turn into finger wagging Shaneeq ratchets or the bitch from that "We can do it!" poster. Awful.
Read some of the writings of the great philosophers, even as far back as the Greek era. It's amazing how apt their views are either today.
Of course people will use the, "It was a product of the time. Everyone was sexist. Women were oppressed."
These were the wisest and knowledgeable men of their times, men who challenged convictions as ingrained, as taboo, as religion, god, systems like capitalism, the states/rulers they lived under, the fundamentals of logic, reason, and morality, who were willing to be suffer, be punished. exiled, drive themselves to and past the brink of madness in pursuit of truth, drive themselves to misery from seeing the world as it truly was rather than deluding themselves that it was or one day would be (such as the Marxists who believed we were always on the brink of revolution and the creation of a new man, which reminds me of the fairly large Christian sects that have regularly popped up and believed resurrection and judgment were coming.), who were willing to accept that there was no hope, any meaning in life, any meaning behind anything and that all was ultimately futile; some who made the apogee of sacrifice and chose to die for their beliefs. Is it really the case that they were so foolish as to overlook such obvious factors and possibilities, or is it, that without the immense societal taboos that have arisen relatively very recently in human history:
Even Slavoj, that damn Marxist, realized the massive impact and danger of the latter:
Is that that the case, or is it that without the veritable culminations of the distortions of the mind and implementations of thought crime, without the taboos, they were able to see the root of the the nature of women with clarity, as it truly was?Is there a way to set this so it stops sending me black people.
You probably could develop a modification fairly simply. Given the consistency of the composure of the pictures, it would mainly require deciding upon a color range and position. I've never been a coder, so this would is just crude idea, I don't know how to implement it or what problems may arise.. It's unlikely that blacks would take selfies against black backgrounds the equivalent, but even then based on the size of a divergent area within a natural human skin range, position on the y axis, the same basic principle, likely even simpler and more accurate, preventing problems with clothing, you could probably reach a pretty high degree of accuracy. I don't know how tinder works, so it may not be able to stop from sending you blacks, but it could at least be set to auto-swipe left. No, I'm guessing it could definitely be done without you ever having to see it.
Find a good White supremacist board and pitch this idea. Possibly one of the chans, but there's so much activity you'd really need to strategize, learn what the best times for posting, the best methods for drawing attention, "marketing strategy"/engaging your audience are. Or you could just post something something decent and half-assed and keep reposting it at intervals until it sticks.
The ensuing shitstorm, if it became "viral" and the right/news sources caught wind of it would be one hell of a hoot. Of course they'd patch it, but they almost never end the cat and mouse game that ensues.Some Greek dude from Longecity who will send you a fucking pound in a clear bag.
He's telling me the dude's the best but I dunno, maine.
This is the best method, although superficially it may not seem as such, and is the standard among darknet vendors for suitably small amounts. Standard letters receive far far less scrutiny. It's a numbers game, there's such an insane amount of mail being process every day that the odds of it being intercepted are minute, although some countries, Germany possibly being one of them (Nordic region and Australia are the worst IIRC), particularly if it's being shipped within the country.
Just look at this: http://www.investors.com/politics/editorials/tsa-has-made-airport-security-worse-than-private-system/
Our Transportation Security Administration (TSA), which was created as a response to 9/11 and terrorism in general to increase security at airports and spends 7 billion annually, had a 96% failure rate for guns and explosives(not actually fully built explosives, to the point where they could actually blow up, but irrelevant due to still having the same characteristics that should have triggered identification).
Do you really think tiny flat letters, which would require and absurd number of employees visually analyzing scan after scan for countless hours of drudgery every day, each appearing on screen for a minute moment, being bored out of their mind and invariable constantly zoning out to the point where they're spending more time daydreaming or not even being really aware of what they're seeing, this effect becoming worse the longer they remain, which I guarantee wouldn't take long to hit a peak, the turnover rate likely being enormous because this is the kind of job you find a replacement for ASAP, preventing what would ideally lead to an improvement in the skills they're tasked at (because people can't be expected to function like machines!) and spotting this, or being put through automated equipment, that could differentiate and flag a flat bag of white powder between two sheets of paper thick enough to make it visually and tactilely inconspicuous, with no detectable scent either in electronic systems or from police dogs?
What do you think would be better? The stupid standard trick sending it in a box, filling something hollow? Do you know how old that trick is? Do you think it isn't one of the easiest ones to catch due to how often idiots try it? Not to mention the needless cost it would add from shipping, packaging, and time.
RisiR, you have to learn the game better, think things through. Do you ever remember being a child and having a feeling that whenever you did something "wrong" or illegal, or wanted to but didn't out of fear, the police would somehow know and appear out of nowhere and arrest/punish you? Then you gained a better grasp on reality and realized how absurd that was. Sometime later maybe you were paranoid the first time you bought some type of drug, then you developed more, analyzed it, and realized that the police have limited resources and much higher priorities, such as actual serious crime, and it followed that the likelihood of an undercover selling you drugs was so small that it was ridiculous to even worry about it and then it just became an event that felt about the same as having pizza delivered (or picking it up, whatever's more common in your country); not to mention that even if the infinitesimally unlikely event were to occur, likely due to your own error/stupidity, the penalties from your legal system would be a slap on the wrist, and even prison being a complete joke, practically a vacation compared to what it's like in the USA, maybe being grounded from your reference point.
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/60-minutes-germany-prisons-crime-and-punishment/
This is your ultimate fear? A playstation, television, they forgot to mention even a phone in your cell, which you have your own key to, multiple hobbies/recreational activities, even weekend leave if you can avoid the simple task of acting like an animal?
Considering you've never actually been there, and the people you've associated likely haven't either or lied to seem "tough", like they had "street cred", or just being absolute whiny pussies who bitched to make it seem they actually endured something that took strength, hardened them, did you base your views on what you'd heard on "the street", maybe even the lies they tell you into being good little boys, possibly in school or meetings required due to probation? Or are you simply a kleines Mädchen, das Blumen in ihrem Bart trägt, considering how much you whine and try to hide your tears.
"A big gorilla with a red beard that scares women." I guarantee you that if you we ever met I would be the first person to show absolutely no fear in their eyes when I stared into your's, not out of contempt, but because I see through people and I know that inside you have so little will that even if I did the worst thing that would anger you you would have no real strength that would give me the least bit of worry. -
2016-06-30 at 5:53 PM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionDrunken philosophy time. Hopefully I'll fully remember the main tenets, I think there were 4, of how my, albeit shallow ("I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing." paraphrased and allegedly attributed to Socrates. I could go on a rant about conditioning of having opinions on every matter from society/culture and the educational system, and how as a strategy for improving perceived intelligence it works wonderfully, despite the effects being disastrous.) understanding of Buddhism lead me to believe that the Buddha would be an anti-natalist if he had ever been questioned on this, pondered it, or if I could somehow go back in time and have a discussion on him.
"All of life is suffering." is inaccurate. It's more that humans are born predisposed to suffering.
It takes great effort to free yourself from this. Think of the lifestyle, time, and effort of monks.
Not all are fortunate enough to come across his works, the knowledge, if it is the "true", or at least most effective, path to liberation from suffering, Let alone the questions of psychometric thresholds, past experiences, psychological profiles, neurological factors (reasoning over emotion), disabilities (mental retardation, severe mental illness).Then there's human nature and cultural conditioning, with the likelihood of a very strong impact of genes for some (The Buddha likely would not have known of this and if discussed, may have led astray by his insufficient understanding into not fully comprehending the significance and limitations of biology. But back to the first point, it brings to mind the idea of the implications of many theistic religions of uncontacted tribes in the Amazon suffering eternal damnation when there was no possibility to attain the means to salvation; some just god. And from real world, modern, data, the vast majority simply accept what is common for their in-group. Nation, tribe, family. Look at the absurd adherence rates for some Muslim countries (Recent human evolution, divergence, selective pressures, mutations/genetic variations having actually accelerated at an enormous rate over a period of around 10K years and the very real probability that propensity toward religiosity, mediated by genes, could have increased inclusive fitness due to strong cultural/societal factors.)
The ultimate goal being Nirvana, liberation from the cycle of death and rebirth and cessation of all desire.
You really need to only understand the endpoint to lead to, what seems to me to be the clear conclusion, that Buddhism should be in concordance with anti-natalism, and that breaking part of the cycle, birth, the creation/bringing forth of sentient beings into this world, is one of, if not the, most noble things you can do.
On the subject of anti-natalism, I love the morbidity of the title of this book and potential psychological impact (Just imagine it being it on shelf at a store that caters to the parenthood, pregnancy birth, infanthood/young childhood cluster. Or on shelf at a library, at a workshop, some place dedicated to people making the decision on whether or not to become parents.): https://www.amazon.com/Every-Cradle-Grave-Rethinking-Suicide/dp/0989697290
And didn't know it had been written by this blogger: http://theviewfromhell.blogspot.com/2014/11/every-cradle-is-grave.html
First came across her site a while ago here: http://theviewfromhell.blogspot.com/2011/05/maslow-be-damned-how-social-belonging.html
I also really want a high quality shirt with this quote printed on it:
In simple, but refined, bold, and clear, font, possibly with a light morbid characteristic, and with just "- Camus" below the quote. It would be fun to see the reactions you'd get, especially if you wore it to a meeting with psychiatrist, psychologist, or some other mental health facility, just for kicks. Even if no one said anything, just knowing you're bound to unnerve some people and have a strong psychological impact, certainly stronger than the mundane drudgery of standard life, would be pleasurable. And, of course, it's a quote that really means something to me. -
2016-06-30 at 5 PM UTC in Why are perverts such fucking retards?You would almost be driven to driven to doubting the reliability of a study over a 10 percentile divergence that doesn't align with an aspect of your worldview, formed largely by your highly limited and naturally skewed life experience and limited knowledge (Ponder the expansive data which would be required, the magnitude and complexity of a properly conducted study to determine the causal factors!)!?
I just don't know about you anymore, Lanny. Ever sense you began regularly indulging in psychedelics it seems I've repeatedly had moments where I've questioned whether you're on a course that will you away from the path of pure reason. In addition there has been the subsequent, yet tragic and understandable (I know it well to be painfully reminded that I remain all too human.), corrupting effects of the recent emotional impact stemming from the events in your familial life.I think conventional wisdom would predict the line for women would be flatter than for men, "women get by on looks" and such, you wouldn't think intelligence would have a strong impact one way or the other.
No! The penile surplus, evolutionary history/theory, differential traits, promiscuity, sex drive (a region of the brain related to this is around 2x in volume or mass, IIRC, along with a myriad of other data. No, women are not "just as horny as men, societal/cultural factors aside.") anxiety, risk aversion, subconscious drivers effecting sexual behavior ->Selectiveness (keepers of the gate) - One pregnancy at a time followed by enormous resource devotion, even among hunter gatherers without birth control the gap between pregnancies being an average of 3 years IIRC. Men can continue to spread their seed far and wide. Remember your gene centrality of evolution. Dawkin's seminal The Selfish Gene. Just because they can attain sex (far, far) more easily doesn't mean they will. There's even fascinating data on the effects of the gender gap in educational attainment, the relative values placed on it when selecting a partner, and the effect it has on the dating/marriage market, with women being far far more reluctant to "marry down" facing a more limited pool and greater difficulties (hypergamy in action).
That you could miss something as fundamental as this...it just, it breaks me to see further evidence of what you've becoming.
BTW, I started back on my bulk Parnate supply after a temporary hitch in Nardil, this time combined with propranolol and pyrazolam to make up for deficits. Thought acceleration as usual, greater amount and speed, verbosity, fuller utilization of mental faculties. Then there's the whole "cyclic psychopathy" thing where artificially (I find this word bothersome.) reduced levels of depression, triggered by a cause in line with evo psych theory, also lead to a decline that evo psych theory predicts, an research supports, promote - pro-social behavior (anti-social personality disorder being arguably synonymous with psychopathy, possibly even a better predictor or harmful behavior).
We've been down this line enough times. You know you're just my favorite little outlet for sadism, at times. -
2016-06-30 at 7:35 AM UTC in Why are perverts such fucking retards?To answer the OP: Yes.
http://www.gnxp.com/blog/2007/04/intercourse-and-intelligence.php
Shit, 35% of graduate students at MIT are virgins? Guess there's some truth to the stereotype, at least in certain sectors, maybe at tail ends of bell curves (extremes). Guess there may be some truth to the stereotype. Although I do recall reading that the stereotype of intelligence and poor athleticism was a myth, which isn't surprising if you think about it from the view point of genes (mutations, health, correlation, brain being a part of the body, interconnection etc.). Doesn't mean they necessarily tend to be "fit", at least depending on the major and IQ range, the lifestyle may simply not foster it, and there are differences in interests, introversion.
Just ask Lanny about the computer science field.
And to finish it off with an pseudo-elitist quote: "An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex." - Aldous Huxley -
2016-06-30 at 5:43 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionA few notes, some of the components of the curry mix (curcumin/turmeric are of particular noteworthy benefit,) may be fat soluble, which is why I add a dab of coconut oil. And of course added to it is multivitamin(s) pro/pre-biotic, creatine, phenibut (seems to work better taken with of after meals), vitamin D3 ("recommended daily amounts (RDA) don't mean what the vast majority assume they do. In this case it was the minimum amount found to prevent bone softening (osteomalacia), which is not the same thing, and likely to be far from, as the optimal amount. Compare how much is produced via sun exposure within a certain period of time and the differences in the half lives of both forms.) and nattokinase, which I may switch out with an optimal K2 supplement (Very important to take with vitamin D, essentially "takes it where it needs to go" IIRC. May have made a mistake/an occurrence of a neurological malfunction and thought that nattokinase, derived from natto, which is very high in vitamin K2 contained sufficient amounts of K2, also in a form that was likely acceptable.).
Some notes: Polyunsaturated fats and oxidation, which a state organization had been promoting, but later accepted that results showed a clear increase in negative health effects. Of course it should come as no surprise that they proclaim their error extensively or create and alternate campaign.
Saturated fat seems to be largely benign and beneficial, which is why I prefer beef (patties are more convenient, since they can be kept frozen and then easily separated in 1/4lb segments.
Vegetables are largely unimportant as part of a diet IMO. There are elephantine confounding variables with observational studies. If you have decades of campaigns, standardized information in education systems, that they are good for them, despite not tasting very good independently, particularly relative to other choices, food being of the basic hedonic pleasures and drivers, or course those that eat more of them are going to be health conscious individuals with a a myriad of on average differences relative to the general population that have very significant positive effects on health. For example, compare income, education, race/ethnicity (I prefer the term "genetic population", but the purpose of language is to convey meaning, and most would not correctly interpret this/lack the relevant data) ) exercise levels, amounts of smoking and drinking between vegetarians, and particularly vegans, to those which eat a standard American diet, which is a horrifically low bar to set. Well conducted studies on hunter gatherers, before massive shifts leading to temporally incremental confounders, showed very little, almost no, consumption, except for medicinal purposes, which is completely unsurprising when you consider the extremely low caloric density. Related to that, nutritional value per calories is extremely misleading as the caloric density is far lower than meat. For example, compare the volume of 1,000 kcals of ground beef to that of salad. Point being that you would have to consume a completely unrealistic amount to reach equivalence, and even then vitamins from plant sources are often in forms that either very inefficiently converted, if at all, and may lack the beneficial effects. An example with beta-carotene, which is oftne used interchangeably, but actually needs to be converted into the true form of vitamin A, although these studies may have needed a greater number of n's (participants/subjects) to have greater certainty. Regardless, results: On average 3% conversion, 45% no significant conversion at all:
http://ajcn.nutrition.org/content/75/5/900.long
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12001013
Any benefits from them, polyphenols/antioxidants, may be from hormesis, which could be put as, they're good for you because they're bad for you, because the body's response to them is strong enough to surpass any damage, similar to exercise, for example, weight lifting leading to micro-tears (microtrauma) and the repair leading to growth/hypertrophy:
http://wholehealthsource.blogspot.com/2011/02/polyphenols-hormesis-and-disease-part-i.html
http://wholehealthsource.blogspot.com/2011/02/polyphenols-hormesis-and-disease-part.html
Starch from peeled potatoes (There's a certain class of toxins under the skin to protect against insects. Historically, with the way they were cooked, the skin wasn't eaten, which means unlikelihood of adaption. Any beneficial components, which are small due to the relative mass, can be better attained from other sources.) and white rice seem to largely be benign, just not nutritionally dense. Empty, but benign, calories. As for the glycemic index, as with most subjects introductory courses teach a simplified version with is later expanded upon, leading to disastrous widespread effects ("He who learns a little of everything ends up knowing less than when he started." Paraphrased from an alleged Japanese proverb I once came across, could be wrong.), this is also commonly misconstrued. Individually, the glucose spike is high, but in meals, it is greatly reduced, and food is absorbed for much longer than commonly thought, stemming from myths of the body building community about meal frequency and anabolic/catabolic states.
Beef liver is the best multi-vitamin, and contains no tyramine when fresh, making it compatible with MAOI medication (prepare it (seasoning, baking soda to neutralize whatever causes the negative taste (milk is another common recommendation, but I don't react well to dairy), meat tenderizer to break down the tough fibers, rinse (possibly beforehand as well to remove the blood), drain with colander, freeze.
This was all done as an insight into the autistic mind. Oh, and don't scoop the rice into the blender above all else, it is the hardest to blend. It also needs hot-below boiling water added. -
2016-06-30 at 2:54 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionI'm alive, last posted only...about 3 days and 19.5 hours ago. Well, add an extra 20 hours to that since I never posted this yesterday due to a general depressive state, feelings of futility, insignificance The sites just been pretty shit, furthering detaching myself from my humanity and aspie'ing out. Continually losing aspects of my humanity whether I want to or not, such as people genuinely caring for me not evoking emotion, providing some positive psychological effect.
I've said before that normally I don't dream, but I had one within the last few days where I think someone, a person who years ago was the closest thing I had had to a friend (online), or maybe it was just some random scenario. But I had moved in with other people, possibly having been invited out of altruism and concern, and there was just this incredible feeling of alienation and detachment. I'm not sure if this was during the same dream or a different one/segment, a different day, but at some point I had a thought/moment where I realized, somehow, perhaps due to not having a response or remembering clearly enough that at some point in the past things/this specific thing had felt different, that this wasn't the way things were supposed to feel, that I was (still) suffering from depersonalization/derealization. I mentioned before that I experienced that after my mental breakdown post-shroom trip (very mild, it simply brought things to the surface and augmented introspection) and I'm not sure I ever fully came out of it.
I'll start with a few things: I present to you, gloop:
​
I may recall some prisons, possibly having the same essential thing fed to inmates or POWs, as a form of torture. A google search brought to mind this, related to cruel and unusual punishment: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nutraloaf
I could go into details about why I chose each ingredient, how conventional views are false/inaccurate, keep chaining information, which I prevent myself from to doing to keep my excessively long posts from becoming even longer. The autistic mind; I'm not sure if it's simply depression and my extremely (psychologically, which leads to physiological effects (the mind is, is dependent on, matter after all. Intertwined, likely no fundamental separation) unhealthy lifestyle, but, and there is wide variation among autistics, neuroatypicals among neuroatypicals (me) (anomalies), due to mental architecture (hyper-systemizing, systemizing information, about life, humanity), differences in memory (which I've jokingly referred to as autism power, along with a common drive toward "truth seeking" (Wherever it may lead." "Reality is reality whether you like it or not." "You don't, in my experience almost never, find the answers you would have hoped to be true."(Although these have no inherent connotations, we ascribe, interpret themselves as such.), possibly even a role in synaptic pruning ( around 40% more synapses, 40% more activity/"noise" at rest) that the basal state of sentience/consciousness/thought, cane become genuinely painful.What is the greatest experience you can have? It is the hour of the great contempt. The hour when your happiness, too, arouses your disgust, and even your reason and your virtue.
The hour when you say, 'What matters my happiness? It is poverty and filth and wretched contentment. But my happiness ought to justify existence itself.'
The hour when you say, 'What matters my reason? Does it crave knowledge as the lion his food? It is poverty and filth and wretched contentment.'
The hour when you say, 'What matters my virtue? As yet it has not made me rage. How weary I am of my good and my evil! All that is poverty and filth and wretched contentment.'
Phase two: It's normal, at least above a certain general IQ range, to commonly have conversations/debates with the version of a person that exists in your mind (Something that reminded me of Evangelion: There are three yous, the one that is perceived by yourself (the one in your own mind, your mental image), the one by others, and the objective reality.), or just some generic shell that fills the need, I was thinking of the depth to which I could describe the decisions I make, my daily routine. Bateman's monologue to an extreme, and at some point it felt like a madness. So many thousands of hours, like a worm optimized to crawl straight to the highest quality sources of information, locating it optimized, interpreting/analyzing, integrating/cross-linking, actively having identifying biases and emotions that cloud judgement/perception, which became victims of a slow purposeful erasure.
Thousands of pages, countless hours, and at the base, the act is so simple, most crude, but of biological necessity. And everything, ultimately futile, having been put to no significant use, having accepted long ago the basis of the state of man, of human nature, the myriad of flaws that lead to attempting to change the world to be a waste. Even for the greatest, tiny, crude, interchangeable.
I was disgusted by my reason and knowledge. It was more of a compulsion.
I still have not felt disgust at aspects of virtue. Oddly enough, many poorly defined, inconsistently adhered to, deviations made on a whim. Yet some semblances of an innate and powerful codes of ethics, or virtue, or rising above the common man and being unafraid to pass judgement (If all is without meaning, how is this action any more meaningless than any other?) I suppose if I ever attained the third stage it may be at a time when I fully lose my sense of identity, my mind. I thought I knew who I was, what I believed in, better than nearly anyone, but after that mental breakdown, and I learned that minds can indeed break just like bones, shatter, which is unusual when you consider the complexity of it, the various systems and defenses, abilities to repair.)
Well, that's enough for now. -
2016-06-25 at 11:27 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionNietzsche was right, you can reach a point where your own happiness rouses your disgust, or in my case, my desire for happiness.
I was disgusted today, and stopped buying things simply bought for pleasure instead of health and sustenance. Fleeting pleasures, and there are far greater ones than the crudeness of food. I have an extremely strict diet due to medical purposes and have essentially been eating the same variation of a meal for years; although, the repetition, lack of novely, never really seemed to detract from it or make me weary.
I didn't take pics, not much of interest, but it tasted surprisingly good (didn't go as far as to add in the sardines as well). It was my first time blending my meal for faster consumption, easier preparation. Mainly, eating and preparing take too much time that could be put to better use and I'm tired of it. Soylent is currently very far from optimal, this is easy to make and is essentially my version. You can drink much faster than you can chew. One more step along the way. I should buy a crock pot and just dump everything in there, then straight to blender when it's time to eat. Potatoes, rice, beef, liver, eggs, vegetables, seasoning. And of course various supplements taken with it.