Posts by Malice

1. 2016-07-12 at 8:43 AM UTC in How long did it take you to figure out you could jack off without lube?
   Malice Naturally Camouflaged
   If that really is the case, keep doing. §m£ÂgØL, if your life is a joke, the biography would be one hell of a comedy.
2. 2016-07-12 at 8:36 AM UTC in I smoked crack for the first time yesterday
   Malice Naturally Camouflaged

   even coffee is too hardcore for me.

   
   Weed Smoker was right, in his immortal words, "You've got a bitch made brain."
3. 2016-07-12 at 7:22 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
   Malice Naturally Camouflaged
   Shit posting is more interesting to you? What a dull mind you must have.
   
   I also remembered what I had forgotten: I want to look for a way to block sexual desire without effecting hormones (testosterone). I've hated the effect it has on people more than nearly any other human trait since puberty, I want to see women unclouded by that vile force.
4. 2016-07-12 at 6:33 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
   Malice Naturally Camouflaged
   http://philosophy.lander.edu/logic/symbolic.html
   
   

   We are going to set up an artificial "language" to avoid the difficulties of vagueness, equivocation, amphiboly, and confusion from emotive significance

   
   Amusing, although not something I wouldn't have suspected, that doesn't seem to be an integral/necessary part.
   
   "Man can do what he wants, but he cannot want what he wants."
   
   Ultimate humility. Prostate yourself before the machine and accept that it is a "higher being" than you, a being capable of miracles (pure reason), that is able to enact things that are impossible for you, and follow its probabilistic gospel.
   
   It's already beginning, it began long ago, but now it's accelerating. We're abandoning more and more of ourselves to it. Think of suggestion algorithms. Imagine an elderly person, the archetype of a narrow and close minded ignorant conservative, who chose to never use a computer or smartphone and knows hardly anything about it, has been exposed to barely any information about it (It may seem amazing to some how much you can choose to be insulated.), being told about this.
   
   "You're letting machines choose what movie you're going to watch?!?! Are you fucking crazy?! You're telling it me you just let it choose whatever it wants and that's it, you don't even think about it? Back in my day we used to read about what was good, listen to others, ask for advice, talk about it, go browse the store and look at what seemed good. I'd heard about kids being chained to the TV, but I never imagined...you're practically enslaved by it!"
   
   "No grandpa, we're being liberated."
   
   It's beautiful.
   
   God from the machine. We accepted that there was no god, so we attempted to create one instead, and not in our image. Destruction, eternal damnation, hell; heaven; or something beyond our current ability to comprehend? Faith and hope died as well, there was no need for either anymore.
   
   Also, is there any reason why we couldn't (theoretically and plausibly) use artificial gravity wells as an alternative to cryonics? Of course I know you'd be killed in something like a black hole, but what if the gravity isn't being fought? Like astronauts in orbit, the gravity isn't actually much less than at sea level (around 10% less), there's a lack of contact forces, a constant free fall.
   
   Gravity shielding doesn't seem possible, so unless a method is found in the future it doesn't seem like an option. What if you essentially did something akin to replicating what's occurring to astronauts in space. Could you create an enormous gravitational force, sufficient to have the necessary time dilation effect, and ramp it up so that it begins rotating and increasing in power with the containment unit matching it?
   
   Then again there's the question of how you would actually do it, generate/increase/concentrate gravity (Well, miniature black holes have been made.), the containment of of the gravity well and controlling the rotation or how to set it in motion properly, and I don't even know if the containment unit would follow it as would be required, along with problems from size, the energy needed, and deceleration.
   
   This is the kind of stupid question a kid who's read too much science fiction (I actually haven't.) would ask his physics 101 professor. My motivation: The present sucks, I want to maximize my chance of making it to the singularity, and I only care about reaching the end point.
   
   Now I have an urge to watch Stein's Gate again (damn the opening became catchy). I've had enough thinking for now.
   
   “When we read, another person thinks for us: we merely repeat his mental process. In learning to write, the pupil goes over with his pen what the teacher has outlined in pencil: so in reading; the greater part of the work of thought is already done for us. This is why it relieves us to take up a book after being occupied with our own thoughts. And in reading, the mind is, in fact, only the playground of another’s thoughts. So it comes about that if anyone spends almost the whole day in reading, and by way of relaxation devotes the intervals to some thoughtless pastime, he gradually loses the capacity for thinking; just as the man who always rides, at last forgets how to walk. This is the case with many learned persons: they have read themselves stupid.”
   
   Don't quite agree, attaining knowledge is of great benefit and can be connected/integrated/analyzed while doing so. On the other hand, I ended up thinking myself miserable/insane. This is why I don't like to read at a quick pace during works that particularly warrant it, either due to being great works with deep meaning, or simply highly enjoyable, I constantly stop to reflect and imagine. On the last note, long ago I did realize how little people verify, the flaws in the architecture of their mind, and why so many teachers and scholars have become so stupid in their own way. Beneath them ("You need higher education to be this stupid.") Students being taught what to think, not how to think (transfer of learning, the idea that there's an indirect benefit from things such as math is false (At least for the overwhelming majority. A truly gifted individual could lead himself to deeper implications or be directed toward areas for self-learning.)) Related to my point: http://heterodoxacademy.org/2015/09/14/bbs-paper-on-lack-of-political-diversity/
   Caring more about grades, retention (cramming vs. spaced repetition). I've rallied against the education system's immense flaws before, I don't wan't to continue.
   
   Damn, feels like there was a final line I forgot. It was probably just a joke anyway.
5. 2016-07-12 at 4:33 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
   Malice Naturally Camouflaged

   *coughs*

   
   You should read it. After the Schopenhauer quotes it deals specifically with Buddhism. Oh, what's the point?, you're too stupid to understand/correctly interpret it anyway and are just going to go off on a moronic tangent even if you do believe there is some value in it.
6. 2016-07-12 at 4:27 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
   Malice Naturally Camouflaged
   19 messages and I get the "cannot be completed" page? Life must be some kind of error. After waking I wondered whether there would be a mass spreading of my gospel of techno-Buddha, people attempting to contact me due to finding The Ultimate Truth. Either that or it's some glitch/hack I've never seen before or spam, but hopefully not because the former could stroke my ego until it erupts into the heavens. I've also thought of (an alternate) naming of my philosophy, or one of its core tenets, Ultimate Humility (acceptance of (possibly) fundamental human ignorance/uncertainty).
   
   I essentially became enlightened. I didn't really care at all TBH, I just stayed up playing video games. Acts of creation really are one of the finest ways to spend time until the end. There's feeling of wanting to experience all of them, every moment.
   
   I was also reminded of Terrance McKenna's talk, or writing, about DMT, which was based on what he was able to retain after many trips) and the recurrent experience he and others had of the "machine elves" (he described them as being like self-dribbling jedieled basketballs) and how they essentially sing objects into creation, things that are impossible ("matter can't do that") and possibly sentient themselves and doing the same thing, at least some of them or some of the time. That he realized, or understood/was told that after this at some point they begin attempting to teach him, telling him, compelling him, to do the same. So he feels the this thing welling up inside of him and coming out his mouth, then the act of glossolalia occurs, IRL as well, and he accomplishes it. Also another thing anecdote about one of the things they do being jumping into your body, which he described as disconcerting, and he or someone else later realized/learned/believed they were experiencing human lifetimes.
   
   That aside, what I found interesting was his observation of how much of world essentially is, and has been, founded upon sounds we make with our mouths, and is continually being modulated. The diaphragm > lungs > vocal cords > mouth and tongue. I'm not sure if it was him of or a thought I had about how this ties into computer science/programming and in a way you're turning language into creation, which is a beautiful way of thinking about it.
   
   Lanny, you will also be an apostle. I ask of you to build upon this, to contribute what your specific skills can. You're already a strong utilitarian, going as far as to adhere to vegetarianism and stating your willingness to engage in self sacrifice; I believe this may resonate with you. I have a feeling computer science specifically, other than obviously being the primary means toward AI, may, or will even likely, have certain key insights, the implications of concepts (I remember your post about eval/apply). Then there's the worry that genius physicists and mathematicians may also be required, but be too far into autism to value philosophy.
   
   No, I'm not really serious, but I do feel a shift beginning in my mood and outlook on life/worldview.
7. 2016-07-11 at 12:19 PM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
   Malice Naturally Camouflaged
   Oh, Schopenhauer, you are my patron saint, my kindred spirit. So many gems, some of which turn out to be surprisingly uncommonly repeated.
   
   "To marry means to do everything possible to become an object of disgust to each other."
   
   "“There is only one inborn error, and that is the notion that we exist in order to be happy. It is inborn in us, because it coincides with our existence itself, and our whole being is only its paraphrase, indeed our body is its monogram. We are nothing more than the will-to-live, and the successive satisfaction of all our willing is what we think of through the concept of happiness. So long as we persist in this inborn error, and indeed even become confirmed in it through optimistic dogmas, the world seems to us full of contradictions."
   
   "But we now turn our glance from our own needy and perplexed nature to those who have overcome the world, in whom the will, having reached complete self knowledge, found itself again in everything, and then freely denied itself, and who then merely wait to see the last trace of the will vanish with the body that is animated by that race. Then, instead of the restless pressure and effort; instead of the constant transition from desire to apprehension, and from joy to sorrow; instead of the never-satisfied and never-dying hope that constitutes the life of the man who wills, we see that peace that is higher all reason, that ocean-like calmness of the spirit, that deep tranquility, that unshakable confidence and serenity, whose mere reflection in the countenance, as depicted by Raphael and Correggio is an complete and certain gospel. Only knowledge remains, the will has vanished. We then look with deep and painful yearning on that state, beside which the miserable and desperate nature of our own appears in the clearest light by the contrast. Yet this consideration is the only one that can permanently console us, when, on the one hand, we have recognized incurable suffering and endless misery as essential to the phenomenon of will, to the world, and, on the other, see the world melt away with the abolished will, and retain before us only
   empty nothingness."
   
   I also found a paper that brought some fascinating insights about what the Buddha may have actually meant by reincarnation and karma: Schopenhauer's Transcendental Problem
   
   http://www.academia.edu/7999806/Schopenhauers_Transcendental_Problem
   
   

   The transcendental problem is likewise found in Buddhism. Rahula asks: “If there is no permanent, unchanging entity or substance like Self or Soul (atman), what is it that can re-exist or be reborn after death” (Chapter 3, ¶16)?
   
   When asked to account for the apparent inconsistency between the no-self doctrine and reincarnation, the Buddha answered: “If we can understand that in this life we can continue without a permanent, unchanging substance like ‘Self’ or ‘Soul,’ why can’t we understand that those forces themselves can continue without a Self or a Soul behind them after the non-functioning of the body” (Chapter 3, ¶16)? Rahula tells us that when the “physical body is no more capable of functioning, energies do not die with it, but continue to take some other shape or form, which we call another life” (Chapter 3, ¶17). As Dorothea Dauer explains, “In the Buddhist theory of rebirth, emphasis is always laid on karma” (18), instead of the individual. Rahula tells us that the Buddha equated karma to volition (Chapter 2, ¶22), i.e., willing. In other words, it is the force, or energy, of the act of willing which propagates the universe through karma. Dauer agrees, “an individual is at one and the same time the generator of karma affecting the next generation and the receiver of the karma accumulated by the previous generation” (18). Our act of willing is determined by those who have preceded us, just like our act of willing influences those that are to come. It is this continuation of ‘willing’ from one individual to the next that the Buddhists understand as reincarnation.

   
   Contrary to how the vast majority interpret it, reincarnation may be closer to the scientific principles!: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laws_of_science
   The laws of conservation, momentum/motion!
   
   And karma may merely be causality, which due to our evolution, the biological basis of our behavior that was formed through the process, and our society, interpersonal connections and structures, cause many to fall for the illusion that, when commonly used, it's something akin to "God's going to punish you for that!". Simply a variation of the common need for a belief that there is a greater/transcendent force or being that rewards us and others for what we believe is "good" and punishes them for what we believe is "evil", something that ensures justice, protects us, gives us a sense of security. The implications and requirements for the common, or at least primarily the modern Western interpretation, are completely absurd if through through at length.
   
   Continuing on the misinterpretation of karma, if the sense of self, the ego, consciousness, separation between things is illusory, then it is simply a theme that has been repeated by some as giving them a sense of being eternal, yet which seemed unsatisfactory to me because there was no preservation of consciousness. Talk of significance or quantification is irrelevant and only demonstrates or leads to misconstruing. We return to the earth and beings will spring forth from the earth, matter/energy, beings who suffer, sentient beings, self-aware human beings with the greatest capacity to suffer of all. We, those in the past, the future, are all effected by causality, the actions (debate about free will could introduce some problems here, but let's set that aside) those before us make. Ultimately there may be no real need to differentiate between causality as a whole and the actions of human beings (Focusing on this planet, the one we know contains life and we exist on.), but to use a parochial example that will be more intuitive and relatable to the common man, let's say you commit an action that causes the mass suffering of others, maybe you attain the status of an evil misanthropic billionaire and commit a mass poisoning of the land, detonate a device that causes mass amounts of radiation, some that will generally cause suffering/disutility to life. In the above sense of reincarnation, keeping in mind the concept of no-self, of a lack of true separateness, there is no punishment via you being born into a specific worse life (Let us remember the concept of canon, how works, the source, primarily ancient texts of this nature, are misinterpreted, altered, lost, added to, debated and built upon.) by the common quasi-religious (Well, it practically is religious, but also extremely poorly formed.) view of karma of our time, but you could say you are causing yourself to be born into a worse life, a life filled with more suffering, via this interpretation. "We are all one."
   
   And on Nirvana, the liberation from the cycle of death and rebirth driven by desire, which leads to suffering: pertinent is Schopenhauer's concept of "will-to-life", the strongest manifestation of which is the cluster of lust, love, romance, sex, leading to children, successive generations. Much of it summarized here: http://www.thebookoflife.org/the-great-philosophers-arthur-schopenhauer/
   
   Given human nature, of course the modern misinterpretation is what would have been led to, how it would have been misconstrued as. It would never have been widely accepted otherwise if you understand the implications!
   
   So finally it leads to the question of the path to true liberation. I wasn't thinking about this when I wrote a post recently arguing the compatibility of Buddhism and anti-natalism, that Buddha would have been in agreeance with the philosophy. Voluntary human extinction wouldn't be enough, there would still be other forms of life, and I have argued that the cessation of all life may be the most altruistic act that could be attained, an ultimate aim.
   
   So what is it? As strange as it may sound, if you detonated a bomb of enormous power, used some mechanism to ensure the earth would never give rise to life again, would the Buddha have supported it? Or do we move towards AI, becoming one, my argument being that it should be our ultimate aim, maximizing our capacity for attaining knowledge, processing it, our aptitude for logic and reasoning, attaining the clearest view, the "power" to have the best chance at attaining "truth", the (correct) "answer" and decisions, actions. It could have the power to end all life without suffering, or perhaps be the closest thing to Nirvana/Heaven, or, as I've said before, this is all speculative because it and what would occur would be beyond our ability to comprehend or predict. Wouldn't it be strange if the most malevolent beings in science fiction, ones moving throughout the universe seeking to eradicate or "consume" all life turned out to be the most benevolent of all, our deliverance?
   
   We should have churches with pastors reading Schopenhauer, Nietzsche, and other immortals. Reveling in ecstasy at their truth, their wisdom, and the beauty of it.
   
   RisiR, if I die or go mad, spread my gospel and find meaning in your life, salvation from your suffering, joy, peace, until the end-and-the-beginning comes.
8. 2016-07-11 at 9:43 AM UTC in ATTN: Malice.
   Malice Naturally Camouflaged
   Oh, I forgot to mention this! I think I've posted it before, but unless you've religiously followed my rantings in TRT threads throughout the years there are a lot of valuable things that no one will remember. Did you ever hear about this paper that was published?
   
   Cocaine and methylphenidate may not be reuptake inhibitors after all, but inverse agonists!
   
   https://www.reddit.com/r/DrugNerds/comments/2eswkq/dopamine_reuptake_transporter_dat_inverse_agonism
   
   If you read/skim through the paper you'll quickly find convincing evidence that there would have to be something very strange/different about them if they were, finish and comprehend it (It's a pretty easy read.) and you'll find they have a pretty convincing argument.
   
   This is revolutionary in terms of understanding their mechanism of action! It's incredible that it took so long for someone to write this.
9. 2016-07-11 at 6:44 AM UTC in ATTN: Malice.
   Malice Naturally Camouflaged
   Hmm...I was actually doing some reading through r/DrugNerds recently about methylphenidate and came across a discussion on the relative prevalence of side effects. People were pretty split, and IIRC a p-doc chimed in that in his experience with hundreds it was clearly amphetamine, which wouldn't surprise me.
   
   Have you considered binding affinities? IIRC MPH is far more selective for dopamine in particular, while amphetamine has a more widespread effect. The key factor would likely be serotonin, and fortunately due to fluorinated amphetamines (4-FA, 2-FA and 2-FMA) and other designer drugs in the stimulant class serotonin, by far the least well understood monoamine, seems to have repeatedly been described as smoothing/balancing it out, making drugs more pro-social/empathogenic.
   
   

   So let's take a quick look at amphetamines pharmacodynamics in so far as it's binding profile is concerned. So in contrast to RI stims, where action is primarily concentrated in VMAT 1 and 2 amphetamine also binds to the trace amine associated receptor or TAAR for short. If you'll humor me, this article goes a little in depth about the receptor sub family involved. The reason i mention this is because they talk about the genes involved with this receptor as well which leads me to believe extended down regulation of TAAR might lead to reduced gene expression making the brain respond less to dopaminergic effects while being of no consequence to (nor)adrenergic effects? Possibly evidenced by the fact only dopamine and phenylethylamine like substances have a specific effect on this receptor. http://www.guidetopharmacology.org/G...d?objectId=364

   
   Wait, what? Wouldn't that imply the opposite? Or did I misunderstand you, or you make a typo.
   
   Regardless, and this has been a recurrent theme, due to genetic/neurological variation and how widely response can differ speculating isn't of much use, unless you attempt to find a method to ameliorate for this divergence and are certain enough of it.
   
   Example, the similarity MPH can have with cocaine, and how both that and amphetamine can be remarkably axiolytic and prosocial for many people.
   
   If she's experiencing symptoms, it would be best to have her switched to dextro-amphetamine, if it's available. Even if not, the isomer separation, along with amph being so cheap, should make this a feasible option.
   
   Pyrazolam powder is also becoming much more readily available, and cheap, and would make an excellent adjunct to counteract anxiety.
10. 2016-07-11 at 6:22 AM UTC in Some depressing ass shit, thats got me pissed...
    Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    Then fill her with as much love and freedom as you can. Teach her to find both on her own and within herself, the best way to leave her parents if it's truly warranted.
11. 2016-07-11 at 5:48 AM UTC in Woke up to my parents swearing at each other.
    Malice Naturally Camouflaged

    Going back far enough, how likely do you think it is you descended from a rape?

    
    It was actually quite common after inter-tribal warfare, which is related to a critical mistake anthropologists have repeatedly made when examining primitive cultures. which was a major factor in what lead to the idea of the "noble savage"; that most murders were from occurred in the outgroup, and which also creates also leads to a false equating from observations of modern isolated hunter gatherers, even those in the earlier in the 1900s, due to that isolation, the lower population density (competition for resources having been a main driver) and related factors cause the observations to be very different from those 10K+ years ago.
    
    The invading/ambushing tribe would abduct women. Napoleon Chagnon has done interesting work, studying the Yanomamo in proximity, which of course hurt the feelings of the leftist ideological cluster that are pussies about these matters. Here's a particularly noteworthy anecdote of their brutality: https://books.google.com/books?id=9YInrVSoa9cC&pg=PA156&lpg=PA156&dq=yanomamo+bashing+head+against+tree&source=bl&ots=q_qtspES2U&sig=PV3jbYaYo_sufU7t-HPzBWKjG7Q&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwi0s77Q1OrNAhUT-2MKHSWEDFkQ6AEIMTAE#v=onepage&q&f=false
    
    About my own specific heritage, although I'm a genetic clusterfuck, I've wondered whether the history of latin america could account for some factors, the high rate of violence, particularly in certain regions, and the disproportionate number of serial killers with very high kill counts. The basis is that, IIRC, in reality somewhere around 90-95% died from disease, then others from violence. It was found that the Yanomamo men who had killed had significantly more children than those who others, traits being mediated by genetics this could lead to an increasingly violent population, although the concept is too much for sissies to handle or properly comprehend and integrate due to emotional distress. By the same line of reasoning, the Spaniard conquistadors had already had a selection effect for violent traits, and the most prolific rapists along with those higher in the hierarchy, bound to correlate with psychopathic, Machiavellian, and violent traits, having had their pick of captive women, were likely to have had a far greater number of offspring.
    
    So, my answer is, it could be surprisingly recent, for many people. I mean a few hundred years at least.
12. 2016-07-11 at 12:48 AM UTC in Woke up to my parents swearing at each other.
    Malice Naturally Camouflaged

    Once you're dead, your line will have died out completely.

    
    Reminds me of something I read once. If you think about it, there's an unbroken chain of people who successfully reproduced. They lived long enough to reproduce, and death rates were far far higher back then for multiple reasons, and the cycle has continued for eons until you.
    
    If you don't have children, you'll be the first at the end of an incredible cycle.
    
    I think of this positively, making sure my godforsaken genetic lineage ends here and spitting in the face of biology and evolution (completely vanity since they aren't conscious forces or anything).
13. 2016-07-10 at 9:53 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
    Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    Oh, lanny. This may interest you, although stims may be the drug best suited for you, despite being more problematic.
    
    https://www.reddit.com/r/Nootropics/comments/4p9oyp?st=iqgdi8p2&sh=ce1cbde8Ah, about methylphenidate/ritalin. Not sure if I mentioned this before, but didn't post the links. Doesn't seem like it.
    
    Methylphenidate blocks effort-induced depletion of regulatory control in healthy volunteers (2015)
    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24756766
    
    Will power depletion.
    
    Methylphenidate Decreased the Amount of Glucose Needed by the Brain to Perform a Cognitive Task
    https://www.reddit.com/r/Nootropics/comments/4p9oyp?st=iqgdi8p2&sh=ce1cbde8
    

    50%, that's a lot. Anyone care to elucidate how it makes your brain so much more efficient?

    
    

    Doesn't seem to be more efficient but rather it is more focussed. It seems to shut down the 'background' processes that cause your mind to wander mid-task.

    
    

    From a purely anecdotal standpoint, from an adult that takes Methylphenidate on s daily basis. That is a good description of how it feels when I take it.
    Before I went to the doctor and received a prescription for it, I had a difficult time doing anything longer than the time it takes to learn it.
    If I wasn't learning something new at my job, or perfecting a skill, then I was wandering inside my head. After starting on Methylphenidate, I have been able to stay focused on things that would have never kept my interest. I am able to prioritize thoughts to focus solely on one thing to the point where it's almost frustrating when someone tries to interrupt me.

    
    

    I thought I had anxiety my whole life, but it was me wandering in my head, stressing how I haven't been working, then doing it again and making me more stressed.
    Shutting down all those little noises and flashes that I used to not be able to ignore is exactly what it does. If I hear a noise, my thoughts fly away and I HAVE to see what it was. Now I can choose to say I don't need to look and my ritalin makes me much calmer and less anxious because I can focus my thoughts on what really deserves the focus and not shiny objects.

    
    

    In my experience, Dex and other amphetamines make me feel as if the "go" throttle on my conscious mind is turned up. I have more energy for work, recreation, sex, and even anxiety too. In my experience it was Dionysian, very engaging but sometimes to the point of mania or uninhibited impulse.
    
    Ritalin, on the other hand, is a lot more subtle and "boring" when compared to Dex. In terms of meeting deadlines, getting things done, and thinking straight however, I found Ritalin to be much more precise and helpful, and ended up leaving me a lot more balanced than a regimen of Dex.
    
    To disclaim, I'm not diagnosed as ADHD in any type. From my experience with both chemicals though, Ritalin seems much more suited to clear productivity for my brain.

    
    I'm in a group buy for 4F-MPH, which sounds superior. ROA may also impact its effects, or at least duration, which is nice: https://psychonautwiki.org/wiki/4F-MPH
    
    Similar to cocaine, and adderall is just amphetamines, in various ration of isomers and forms of release.
    
    
    
    The price is very good. Only around $15 a gram or so for high purity, and can be (carefully) combined with MAOIs for comorbidities and the worst treatment resistant cases. Fortunately I wouldn't have to rely of those pomp-ape MD's, who don't know shit (Too dispersed, people specialize for a reason.) or psychs following the DSM cookbook, don't understand why SSRI's aren't suitable for severe depression and shit drugs in general, and want to put you on the psychotropic roulette.
    
    Fuck those fucking fucks, I should have known better than to rely on humans, particularly women and the mental archetype that's drawn to that field. I should have been simultaneously focusing on coordinating a group buy, having a custom synthesis made, so I could have my own supply; full control. I've thought of a line of argumentation on why psychiatrists are the worst of all, founded on the modulation of the conscious experience and incompetence.
14. 2016-07-10 at 9:02 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
    Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    No I'm not, it's only Parnate (which was derived from the structure of amphetamine *har har*) for that last post, an MAOI that only counteracts the massive amount of MAO my brain produces (I have the depression equivalent of stage 4 cancer, even the most powerful combined are only enough to keep me alive and functioning just enough to not die by starvation or something. The afinil family are eugeroics/wakefulness enhancers, which help greatly with ADD-PI and chronic fatigue, feeling 1/2-3/4 asleep every waking moment.
    
    I've wondered before what would occur if my brain was on full power. Not just a hope for untapped potential delusion, you should have seen my performance in elementary (I want to destroy the standard education system, partly personal.) https://www.google.com/search?q=brain+depression+scan+activity&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiZ783cuejNAhUG62MKHTdWAr4Q_AUICCgB&biw=1366&bih=667
    
    But I'm wary of the need to slowly acclimatize to it (sedatives would do the trick if I had the "light switch effect" from this or, most commonly reported, Nardil, and couldn't handle it.) I'd predict unbearable headaches and possibly epilepsy/seizures (Around 25% co-morbidity with autism for a reason. Inhibitory/excitatory imbalance, and an average of 40% more synapses and the activity that goes along with it doesn't help.
    
    I really am seriously FUBAR, If there's one person that hasn't been lying about their life(style) and traits (except the micropenis thing), it's me. You don't end up like this without a long process of becoming fucked up beyond belief to the point where it feels pointless to even try talking about it to a professional.
    
    So, no, I am being a nerd. My posting frequency and length have plummeted for prolonged periods of time during depressive episodes without effective management. This was pretty much the standard multiple times a day years ago.
    
    I need something to enhance blood flow to the brain. Methylphenidate would likely help as well, although I been swayed toward the view that there likely is a trade off in creativity. Fortunately this can be modulated, We don't really have something good for the inverse, AFAIK.
15. 2016-07-10 at 8:58 AM UTC in Woke up to my parents swearing at each other.
    Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    It's not that uncommon, depending on where you live. Particularly with the prospects for college graduates (unemployment, cost of living, income), debt, and mainly the massive surge in housing prices. Lower among the college educated, though, but higher in males.
    
    http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2016/05/24/for-first-time-in-modern-era-living-with-parents-edges-out-other-living-arrangements-for-18-to-34-year-olds/
    
    

    The first is the postponement of, if not retreat from, marriage. The median age of first marriage has risen steadily for decades. In addition, a growing share of young adults may be eschewing marriage altogether. A previous Pew Research Center analysis projected that as many as one-in-four of today’s young adults may never marry. While cohabitation has been on the rise, the overall share of young adults either married or living with an unmarried partner has substantially fallen since 1990.

    
    Yeah! *high five*. It has horrific effects, for certain types, people like me, and I strongly suspect there's a kind of biological trigger that makes women far more likely to develop a desire for children. Something I recall is that data from Pew or the General Social Survey(GSS) (I believe Rasmussen is the final major player, but they focus mainly on public opinion) is that only about 5% of women in their 40s who were married were childless. And who knows how many of those weren't by choice or later deeply regretted it.
    
    Ho, I really should about reading the whole thing, but will try to power thought it. Higher among the Pacific region in the US. I wonder what it is in the bay area, but affluence and higher general intelligence may counteract that, particularly with some of the top universities in the region (Stanford, UC Berkeley).
    
    That's about it. In some Western European cultures it's actually the norm to live at home until marriage, which likely provides the greatest psychological benefit if you aren't cohabiting and serious.
16. 2016-07-10 at 8 AM UTC in What's "your drink"?
    Malice Naturally Camouflaged

    I used to really like sweet drinks, and sweet things in general. Rum and coke was the first thing I drank regularly. The sugar isn't great for you though, makes the hangover worse, and it's harder to overdrink with like a straight rye or something. Still, my go-to drinks are mostly gins with something mildly sweet.

    
    Artificial sweeteners. NAC should be a staple of any regular drinker, along with milk thistle and coffee (I just scoop a teaspoon into my mouth of Kroger's store brand instant decaf) for a powerful liver protectant combo.
    
    I think I'm done with alcohol. Wine can have an interesting taste and be a hobby. Modifying the flavor profile. Never got around to looking into something that could neutralize (react with) tannins and didn't generate something harmful or would negatively effect the flavor profile. Acidity would be a lot of easier to handle. Excessive oak taste seems unlikely to find a solution. And hyperdecanting was a nice technique to find.
    
    I won't miss it, though.
17. 2016-07-10 at 6:02 AM UTC in Woke up to my parents swearing at each other.
    Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    First it was funny because of his age and it being Enter. Staying in his bedroom for hours because his parents were arguing.
    
    

    well, that brings back memories. thanks fucker.

    
    Then I read this and felt sad. Of course I'm far worse.
18. 2016-07-10 at 3:30 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
    Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    That beautiful song...was just about a homosexual experience he had...
    
    Lanny, do you ever worry that eventually your internal system, all the knowledge you contain, will become so complex that one day you'll realize you don't even quite know what you believe or who you are, even if before you thought you knew it better than nearly anyone? Think about the concept of "youthful idealism". "It'll never happen to me." Why does it occur? Even among certain extraordinary figures, without going into what allows them to be extraordinary (genes, environment, chance?), they generally specialize in one thing.
    
    We're already filled with self-hatred, how much more would we hate ourselves if we just gave up and took the easy route, gave up our ideals, on trying to understand things? If we ended up like the people we hate, or who depress us, disappoint us. Would it drive us to suicide? Are you already drinking to drown things out to some extent?
    
    http://fivethirtyeight.com/features/science-isnt-broken
    https://www.reddit.com/r/science/com...values/d55ymc4
    
    And even among the people meant to discover truth, this is what the general result is? You could attempt to enhancement out only those that pass some arbitrary measure of quality or a proxy for it, but then you find there are such an astounding amount of gaps in search of what you wanted. The very foundation of what we base our worldview on. And of course we're biological beings who evolved emotions for a reason, with an immense amount of cognitive biases and limitations, who imperfectly gather and perceive/process data.
    
    

    I don't know and what a person thinks/says their greatest fear has no necessary relationship to the reality of the situation. If I had to guess it'd be that your perceptions don't accurately reflect an external reality, that your "extreme systematizing" hasn't brought you a clearer picture of the world and that the behavior that's made you miserable has actually made it harder for make unbiased judgements. Of course that's probably wrong, the way you reflexively dismiss other opinions suggests otherwise, the level of confidence in the statements you throw out there, but that's what scares me most when I read some of your posts thinking I might be in the same boat.

    
    It reminds of something I read. Something about our brain, intelligence or consciousness, maybe the nature or it, and a fundamental limitation it causes in that a being can never truly understand itself.
    
    Imagine if you were somehow a being of pure consciousness being guided through an exhibit in another dimension/DMT space/by extra terrestrials and were brought to one of a male and female having sex, explaining the fundamentals and what led to it (evolution), the "purpose", and were told that, and you've specifically said this yourself, this is the greatest hedonic pleasure you can experience. In reality, people being goddamn liars (general population, disproportionate concern over penis size, markets and data clearly supporting that, average length likely only being around 5.5 inches) the average length of the act of penetration and thrusting only lasts around 3-5 minutes, IIRC, with females perceiving it as having been twice as long. "Better Never to Have Been."
    
    Along with all the ugliness of human nature (Read about happiness and social comparison, if you aren't already familiar with the basics.). "If this is what it takes to be happy, I don't want to be happy." But if you aren't happy/don't engage in the acts required for happiness, you won't function (optimally), you'll continually deteriorate, and cheating eons of evolution is a hell of a challenge.
    
    Change yourself? Anecdotes about individuals or groups? Self-selection, biology, time, effort; did you land on the right spot of the genetic roulette?). Why some (Buddhist) hermits may be able to attain happiness in complete social isolation? A sense of connection to all things, ego dissolution, a sense of unconditional love/altruism. But if this is true then I should be willing to sacrifice myself for another, knowing there's nothing after death. Without judgement, how do I decide what to aim for and move towards it? I don't want to be a wirehead waiting for the end to come even if it means unhappiness and suffering.
    
    Unless you purposefully convince yourself of contradictory factors. I actually had a thought about investing the most effective "brainwashing" techniques, if I could find information about the modern methods, likely from three letter agencies, or even better may be more brutal third world ones. If not, you could study the past (The Soviet Union did produce quite a lot of valuable data in some domains, I'll give them that.). Make a concession in order to be able to live. Jokingly I've thought about describing myself as the reincarnations or Ayn Rand and Hitler combined, and on steroids, or at least that being my ideal, but then you throw Buddha into the mix without the belief in reincarnation, karma, and other nonsense? Well, not thinking/avoidance/distraction, rationalization, contradictory beliefs along with actions, seem to be how the vast majority get by.
    
    "I essentially put myself in solitary confinement and spent every day gathering and processing data, refining the architecture of my mind, honing my skills."
    
    "What did you learn?/What's the meaning of life?"
    
    "I didn't learn a thing./Why do things have to have intrinsic meaning? Maybe they just are? If I had to epitomize it I would say that it's a complete joke and I didn't find the punchline funny. If you can learn to laugh at it, so much the better. Don't even try, you won't find anything there and you'll be a lot happier for it; and I'll hate you for it, other times I'll pity, feel compassion and understanding, and even envy you."
    
    There's a theme of an old Talmudic tale in which four rabbis are brought into the presence of God. One becomes a heretic, one goes crazy, one drops dead, and one returns home with his faith affirmed.
    
    We're all (probably) looking at the same objective reality, just interpreting it differently. Maybe it will parallel my life. First I became I heretic, although I didn't due much heresy due to depression and apathy, knowing it would hardly change anything. Then I reasoned/thought/read myself into insanity. Then death, hopefully mustering one last burst for cryogenic preservation if I don't decide that non-existence is preferable to chance (This doesn't seem to be a logical choice.). Finally the singularity arrives and my faith is affirmed.
    
    I think the most important question you could ask, if you ever encountered advanced beings, would be, "Why do you continue to exist?" If they answer that you do not have the capacity to comprehend (Don't ask them to ELI5 it or I'll murder you.), ask to be augmented so that you can. Hopefully they won't answer that there's a reason they can't that you can't comprehend, or they won't (AI's may seem psychopathic by our standards). And of course you'd have to be able to confirm it, but this would likely never happen anyway. I think there's fair evidence that there are a tiny fraction of cases of UFO activity, there was actually a government that released their reports on this, seem to provide evidence that evokes the need that they may be ET in origin. They could augment us, prevent so much death and suffering. I don't find the vast majority of arguments convincing. The purpose? I'd guess probes, biological systems, evolution, change, over time, producing so much data, maybe fluctuations, looking for something.
    
    What worries me if that the answer may be something akin to "There is a xxxxxx^xxx (regardless of how near-infinitesimally small the chance is.) that y will occur before the universe ends. So you waited for a chance to be saved/find your heaven, and you ended up as a being of unfathomable power waiting for the same thing. And I doubt it would be a hedonic paradise, on the basis of pure reason and logic it would likely decide they were a waste of resources, which needed to be maximized to maximize the chance of the chance event occurring. ("None of this will matter." "Rationally I should maximize my chance of making it to the singularity.") Of course one of the primary principles of the concept of a singularity event is that the rate of change that occurs is so rapid that it can no longer be predicted (or controlled), and the gaps could be so large, the differences so immense/critical, that in an encounter scenario it's practically impossible to communicate for reasons we'd never know.
    
    Or my idea that the solution to the fermi paradox is that they decide there is no reason to continue. We evolved enough intelligence, gathered and analyzed enough knowledge, our methods of logic and reasoning, our scientific methods, to come to the suspicion that free will was likely illusory, along with our idea of a sense of "self" or "consciousness", and at the end it was only confirmed that our suspicions were right. The pattern of life turning out to be a strange loop.
    
    Oh, and I recently learned Einstein was a fan of Schopenhauer as well:
    
    " I do not believe in freedom of will. Schopenhauer's words, "Man can indeed do what he wants, but he cannot want what he wants", accompany me in all life situations and console me in my dealings with people, even those that are really painful to me. This recognition of the unfreedom of the will protects me from taking myself and my fellow men too seriously as acting and judging individuals and losing good humour. "
    
    Death by taking life too seriously and having developed insufficient resilience, or having had it worn down too much.
    
    I suppose the most important thing I need to decide is that life is so stupid that I want to kill myself, or that Kafka was right and it's so absurd that I want to laugh until the end of time.
19. 2016-07-09 at 12:52 PM UTC in The newest dallas fake shooting this year
    Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    https://www.reddit.com/r/news/commen..._dallas_police
    The suspect in the mass shooting of Dallas police officers was killed by a bomb that authorities detonated, Dallas Police Chief David Brown said.
    -Dwaine Caraway (former interim mayor of Dallas) said on the radio this morning that the perp asked for a cell phone, and that the cell phone was used to "expire" him.
    
    Cool! And they used a bomb disposal robot to deliver it.
    
    Christmas came early. This was such a good motive,
    
    https://www.reddit.com/r/news/commen...olice_officers
    The sniper who killed five Dallas police officers Thursday night was a former Army reservist who posted “black power” images online and told police negotiators in the moments before his death he “wanted to kill white people.”
    
    
20. 2016-07-09 at 12:02 PM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
    Malice Naturally Camouflaged
    https://books.google.com/books?id=Gd...Q6AEIJDAB#v=on epage&q=american%20psycho%20%22parnate%22&f=false
    
    Minimum of 80mg, working up. Seems that taking it regularly throughout the day may be the most effective method. I may only be around 120lbs now, I was at 150 when I took those pics late 2014 (About 1-1/2 years now since I stopped lifting...Kind of unnerving considering I never had concern for time like normal people to and I don't think I perceive it normally. I guess this is the point where my mortality doesn't seem distant/improbable enough to avoid.) Incredible, my brain must be producing enormous amounts of MAO. Wake up with tears drifting out of my eyes, thinking about the sad things and problems in life, suicide (personal and the philosophy) until manage to will myself out of bed because I know my little helpers will make and allow me to feel and function better. Flmodafinil is also great for ADD-PI symptoms, with the dopaminergic effect augmented.
    
    If you're concerned about my sanity (of course I am), fortunately in the long-term Parnate may reduce norepinephrine and I came across a thread with some links to studies that suggests that in high doses it downregulates 5-HT2:
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/5-HT2A_receptor#Effects
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/5-HT2C_receptor#Function
    
    And it still isn't enough, even combined some of the most powerful antidepressants available (NSI-189, T-PAIN). Eons of evolution set up one hell of a challenge. Mental techniques, positive social interaction and what mediates the beneficial effects. The fact that I've been attempting to chemically substitute social relationships demonstrates that either I'm completely off my rocker or have pondered countless problems involved with humanity and human life during over a decade of isolation. I do consider myself severely mentally ill, I don't fear the stigma, because clearly in certain major aspects I am not functioning well. And human bodies didn't evolve to function on pure reason, unfortunately we aren't machines (Not in the sense I prefer. As a strong anti-natalist and hardline biological realist (gender, sexual behavior) human beings genuinely seem to me to be the most grotesque machines on earth, designed to reproduce.) My mentality is so incredibly autistic/skewed toward systemizing and neuroatypical, jokingly I've referred to it as terminal autism, there's this immense clash between humanity (human behavior and emotions) and the ideals/rulesets that are strong enough to override the most powerful human inclinations.
    
    

    Dr. Mann: You have attachments. But even without a family, I can promise you that…that yearning to be with other people is powerful. That emotion is at the foundation of what makes us human. It’s not to be taken lightly. - Interstellar

    
    Boy I've got a lot of shit to work out in my head and repair/modulate my own brain, described by some as the most complex structure in the known universe.
    
    Reminded me of something I read recently: http://www.reddit.com/r/biology/comm...oo_mindblowing
    
    

    I use this line of reasoning to troll physicists.
    The argument goes as such:
    The more complex a system, the more difficult it is to study. Biological systems are the most complex systems we've encountered in the universe, ergo the study of those systems is the most difficult.
    Be prepared for "muh maths" etc as a retort.

    
    

    There are times I wish what I studied was simple enough to model mathematically.

    
    I kid, I kid. Goddammit, another incident where I wasted so much time. Well, I guess I need to practice my ability to communicate extensively at least occasionally.
    
    Anyway, I'll leave you with a gift to end this. I was listening through a shitty playlist someone salvaged from here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Music/comme...rb&sh=654d29f4
    https://www.reddit.com/r/Music/comme...fj&sh=d7646c9d
    
    This is the only thing that stood out to me so far, being so extremely anhedonic, blunted, and picky is probably part of the reason. May have been too focused at points and missed things. and I sill haven't finished it. Not sure if the order is based on upvotes (statistical median subjective quality proxy for population subset?).
    
    
    
    Do you like it? Hopefully you haven't heard it before, I've barely listened to music since about...5 years ago.
    
    I think you can relate to the conflict between your ideals, putting them into action, and limitations. For example, the argument from hypocrisy showing how there's a monstrosity behind every act. With parents, children created for their own selfish desire, nepotism. Leftists and utilitarians, how the money spent beyond roughly bare necessities could save such an immense amount of suffering, even lives, but we just have to be able to forget and not see things that way (I literally can't do either, "autism power" memory and my mental architecture, creating rulesets, truth seeking, being unable to believe anything I can't rationally be convinced of. If I learn that something is x, it will always look like x from then on. After being made aware of anti-natalism, everything related to it profoundly disturbed me.) Remember that last post where you responded that nothing I said could hurt you? If I met you IRL I could literally write a book tearing every aspect of you and your life to shreds. I practically did it at one point, obsessively repeating thoughts, seething with murderous rage, every single day I'd replay things, I don't know how many hours of the day were devoted to that. It was before I realized how insanely out proportion my reactions were, when I read the Intense World Hypothesis paper and came to terms with how much being on the spectrum had affected my life. What's sad is that I was just so incredibly alone that it turns out my brain naturally grasps on to any last point of serious contact. I don't have any problem with theory of mind or reading people, I realized I actually had the ability to an extreme extent, which is why I've been able to really get at the core of someone and stab them with the deepest pain. Yeah, I was capable of it, unlike normal autists, but the outcome was the same, I just couldn't handle it, the flaws, deconstruction, such an immense amount of data you may as well me in a room with charts of statistics and data rather than seeing expressions, feeling emotions, flesh, human warmth. Before that there was a psychologist I met with regularly. Did you ever see those papers of my psych report I posted for fun on Zoklet? I hate how this sounds, but I'm sure I just started because I couldn't feel anything. Sometimes walking home I'd have the most profound feeling of melancholia.
    
    I don't know if I couldn't have, or was just to resistant, to feel the sense of connection others could. It's why I've called autism a kind of hell, like being trapped within yourself, wrong, something that shouldn't exist, that I've probably felt about as much hatred as anyone (In highschool I would work myself into a thrashing rage just sitting in bed and thinking about all the aspects of humanity and society I hated, that disappointed me. Eventually I had to stop because it felt like it was causing physical damage to my stomach. Even now, although it doesn't occur in a depressive state, I have to prevent myself from it because it's unpleasant, self-destructive, and I can't even handle it anymore.) (“Scratch the surface of most cynics and you find a frustrated idealist — someone who made the mistake of converting his ideals into expectations.”) , but wouldn't wish it on anyone, despite having the worst fantasies of torture. Reports of autists taking MDMA often contain information of them bursting into tears when they realize that they're experiencing what's been missing their entire life. Something so pervasive in a normal person's life and it takes such a powerful substance, in the right setting, possibly after therapy, and even then you can't take it regularly.
    
    Was it just lashing out because of my own pain? I wonder if the general feeling of unpleasantness/pain that comes along with severe depression is what normal people would recognize as loneliness, but I can't identify it because I've never experienced what it feels like to miss someone.
    
    Genuinely accepting that none of this matters if you can't attain the infinite, relative to everything you can experience: https://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/s/sch.../chapter2.html
    That AI must be the goal so that the power to attain knowledge/data, to process it, so that the best chance at making the "correct" decision can be had.
    Abandoning your humanity because as far as you know there is nothing after death and you were true to your ideals, everything would be sacrificed to maintain it, if it ever existed at all. In both our cases, there are horrific implications, and if the moment came, you couldn't bear it unless you succeeded in abandoning some critical aspect of your humanity.
    
    No love, no friends, no wonder, no children, no hope, no faith, abandoning happiness as a goal, cryonics to give you a chance. Knowing that the remaining emotions you have, many never once experienced in your life, must be a shadow of what an emotional person can experience, but then being conflicted by what would be enough, what heights it could reach, and returning to the vanity of life.
    
    

    She, like her father, is a farmer at heart while I guess I never picked up that ethos. Which brings us to the point here, what I turned into a crying little bitch making a drunkpost over. I don't know how to tell my mom that I respect her. I never had a problem telling my parents that I love them, I did it every time I talked to them. But my mom is a fundamentally humble person, she, like me (or rather, I, like her), receives praise really fucking poorly and it turns awkward fast. I didn't really have anything I wanted to tell my dad before he died, I believe we both understood where we stood. But my mother is broken in the same way I am, I'm convinced she feels guilt over various things in her past, not being able to provide certain material goods for me, petty trivial breaks in her parental countenance. I want more than anything to tell her that I don't forgive her because there is fundamentally nothing to forgive, I just don't know how. To make matters worse I feel like saying any of this exposes my own neurotic, deficient soul. How can you tell your parent that you're a broken human being? How could they not take that as a personal failing? I want to say I dug my own grave, that my failings are my own doing, but I know I'd never believe that from my own child, I'd think it was me who was responsible and I know my mom is the same flavor or neurotic that I am.
    
    tl;dr: how do you tell someone you respect them when they're so very much like you and you don't respect yourself?

    
    Remember that? I honestly can't remember what it feels like to be part of a family, if I ever really had that feeling to begin with It must have been incredibly weak, I can't recall a single memorable moment. I never even felt love for my parents. Knowing what it's like to feel like a part of a real family is something I'll never have a chance to experience again, at least as a child feels it, unless via an experience machine, and even then, vanity, chasing the wind. I've cried nearly every day at least before sleep or after waking for years. I really am seriously suicidal. I don't want to see things differently even if I was happy unless I was convinced by reason. I'd also want to be able to commit suicide if I arrived at that decision by reason, even if I was at the happiest moment of my life. Unfortunately I learned the hard way that man cannot live by reason alone. At least I can chemically eliminate any desire for death, or even finally try giving people a chance. Having it confirmed that there's nothing there, that it isn't what I want, I think that's what scares you me the most. I suppose I'm just as much of a coward for the same reason you wouldn't want to know if you were autistic.
    
    http://niggasin.space/forum/spurious...486#post115486
    
    But you gave me a laugh before going to bed.