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Posts by Malice
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2017-07-18 at 11:23 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSOh, little guy seems to be notably more at ease near me, is willing to be closer. I thought I may have reached the limit of how comfortable she would feel around me due to being born feral and unsocialized with humans during the critical period. Her eyes are distinctly friendlier.
She even went inside after I called her closer, left the door open, and went out of view to fill the food bowl. She hasn't done that since months ago when she was small and went about 12 feet in past the corner of the bathroom and we were both startled when we spotted each other simultaneously.
Another thought on the glasses. With far less sensory information being processed these should also greatly increase cognitive endurance, reduce the amount of metabolic byproducts created that need to be removed during sleep. -
2017-07-18 at 11:11 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Captain Falcon Didn't read
*looks at watch*
*opens cupboards*
*searches closet*
*checks pantry*
*goes down basement*
*looks in refrigerator*
*up to attic*
*toilet tank!?*
*last try, mail box*
No, still no cares.
Originally posted by Wasp Sugar Hate to break it to you nigga but that complexitity is pretty much the only thing making life interesting.
Of course! But information, what you build in your mind, can have far richer complexity! It's beauty, something unique in the world. It enthralls and evokes the imagination, the desire to reach ever further. Of course I don't deny that interpersonal relationships can have these qualities in a different form.
Although, with regard to complexity, even that isn't necessarily true. Of course there are simple pleasures in life. Just look at some Buddhists. Well, I certainly wouldn't say they're simple, far from it, what was required to attain that state is incredibly complex and requires immense effort, but the "resting" state can have a simple but profound beauty and peace to it.
Originally posted by Discount Whore 2.0 are we thinking of the same malice??
What I create with the right I destroy with the left. I am the multifaceted Shiva.
Post last edited by Malice at 2017-07-19T00:14:44.627720+00:00 -
2017-07-18 at 10:07 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSI've noticed that the sunglasses I bought to modify in order to limit my peripheral vision for reading make me much calmer. It's probably due to visual hypersensitivity, how intense the world is, the amount of data I take in, and being in a permanent state of high awareness (flight or fight), which causes my abnormal peripheral vision to have a higher level of fixation, as if something dangerous may come into view.
It is the other key hypersensitivity I have which causes a high level of discomfort and anxiety, along with auditory. Makes sense.
Heh, the combo of these glasses and earmuffs produces a pretty distinct look, somewhat reminiscent of a mad scientist. I swear I'm going to keep printouts of what the muffs and glasses are for in case anyone ever asks in school; a concise overview at top followed by a more extensive explanation on the bottom. Now I just need a white lab coat.
Looking in a mirror, it seems pretty ridiculous that this is what it takes to replicate a neurotypical experience. *shrugs* Doesn't really bother me, and there is the childish egotistical aspect of making me feel cool and unique. At least when properly honed neurologically abnormal aspie brain can have immense advantages.
Post last edited by Malice at 2017-07-18T22:16:05.608011+00:00 -
2017-07-18 at 9:54 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSFun autism facts:
Due to the asymmetrical hypertrophy (I would very much like to know whether there are differences in cellular density, but there likely isn't information available) and hyperactivity of the right hemisphere of the amygdala, primarily involved in processing negative emotions, along with related factors, primarily the hyper-glutamatergia, which increases general neurological activity, and GABAergic deficit, causing insufficient inhibition and anxiety,
Negative emotions can actually be (There's always variance, particularly with aspergers.) greatly amplified. I genuinely did not realize until within the last few years, due to an increase in empathy, emotional fixation, and reflection/introspection on my past.
The differences in long-term memory, retention, fidelity, and detail, along with the OCD thought patterns, the fixation on thoughts, which can occur at a considerably faster rate and frequency, longer total extent, than normal, simply cements this, it positively modulates the storage of these events, and increases the effect, which is almost always detrimental, even traumatic.
This is of key importance for people with ASD, particularly highly anxious subtypes, to understand. PoC most strongly displays this behavior. After this realization and understanding something I worked toward ingraining, changing about myself, and still do to this day, was to consistently remind myself that my negative emotions were greatly amplified, my response to any negative social event in particular, and that I had to stop ruminating on it. When changing my view from a personal to an impersonal one, viewed from a higher vantage point, it became clear how petty these events truly were, that the other person did not ascribe nearly as much significance, and that afterward they would simply and rapidly move on with their day, not even devoting much thought to what had occurred.
Understanding and accepting how incredibly damaging your natural behavior, this process, is.
- A greater affinity for animals is commonly reported among aspies. There are various reasons why this could be, such as the social aspects that alter your response toward human beings, or feeling some similarities with animals, the lack of verbal communication required, how the relationships are simpler and more forthright.
It's also possible that we may have innate advantages. The bottom up hyper-systemizing cognitive style with far less regard for conventions leading to creating your own natural internal system for animals and their behavior, an understanding of them. There's also the sensory hyper-sensitivity and level of awareness and how it can help read them.
I've experienced the exact same thing throughout my life.
When people meet/see someone they feel positively towards, who is in proximity, a natural reaction is for their eyebrows to rise (body language). Yesterday or the day before I noticed that I automatically and involuntarily did this when I saw Ash and Bella for the first time that day. I can't recall ever having done this with a human. Kind of funny that the first time I displayed this standard human body language, naturally reserved only for our own species, was with cats. They are the animal I feel the highest affinity towards and enjoy the company of most. Nearly, other than perhaps natural scenery, the only thing that brings me closest to a positive response, even a slight smile (I am definitely not very expressive, at all.), when I'm outside. They always catch my attention and I try to make friends with them if they seem calm enough, socialized, or at least call out to them. Smiling, exchanging pleasantries, conversation, attempts at friendship.
Cats are my people.
Post last edited by Malice at 2017-08-04T01:00:13.485317+00:00 -
2017-07-18 at 9:11 PM UTC in Feminism
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2017-07-18 at 9:08 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
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2017-07-18 at 8:34 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSInterpersonal relationships bring horrendous complexity to your life. Well, at least with my cognitive style, behavior, and knowledge base. They're such an incredible distraction from the pursuit of knowledge and other goals in life. It really is unfortunate that they're a necessity for proper functioning and well being, which I've fully accepted, I've researched it and written at length on the subject in the past. In fact I would call it the most critical aspect of human life there is: http://theviewfromhell.blogspot.com/2011/05/maslow-be-damned-how-social-belonging.html
Obviously there's bound to be a response curve, which I clearly experienced. Not much good all that time will do you if you're severely depressed, suicidal, lethargic anergic and suffering from avolition to the point where you don't even have the energy to live your life, are unable to sustain concentration or read well, lost all interest in the world, are attempting to replace social needs with message boards, which is far less efficient than IRL interaction would be etc.
I stand by my viewpoint that if there were a pill you could take to replace social interaction, that produced the biological benefits, I would never speak or interact with another person again unless necessary. Interpersonal relationships are insubstantial, transient and impermanent, unbelieveable time sinks that ultimately amount to nothing.
Gotta start taking a midday nap, especially on days like this (Either modafinil, a stimulant, or simply natural fluctuation). I binge read and think non-stop for hours at a rapid pace and end up overtaxing my supercharged brain. It's the severe OCD and repetitiveness, I just feel a strong compulsion to keep reading, a need to know, to learn, whatever it is I'm currently reading that captures primarily captures my attention.
The optimal diet isn't omnivorous, carnivorous, vegetarian, or vegan. It's one composed of information. The infovores will inherit the future. I want to know everything about everything I consider worth knowing about. To one day delve into and merge with the data stream. -
2017-07-18 at 8:10 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Dargo You talk like a fucking trauma survivor, and it's not just those two lines. It's every post.
Only people like war veterans who have seen the most unimaginable, horrorific shit life has to offer are allowed to talk like that. Otherwise you're nothing more than a massive cringeworthy faggot.
Yeah! You tell 'em!
And smack that bitch Tommy upside the head and tell him to get it together, the abuse he faced wasn't that bad compared to what other people go through. He needs to get over it and learn to bottle it up, not go to no nancy ass therapy sessions where they'll tell him to talk about it and his feelings, to be vulnerable and open. Real men bottle that shit up, move on, and never speak of it again. -
2017-07-18 at 8:06 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by hydromorphone I have something like this… I can go back and recall a moment in time with crystal clarity… sometimes that's not a god thing. I'll break down in tears randomly, either from missing person/animal/moment, even if it would be considered to me a happy memory… I've lost a lot that I love in my 28 years of life.
Psilocybin has helped me reach out, and during a particularly high dose, before my father died, but after my horse, whom in every way I would consider my "first child", and well… I got to be with him on the moon for a few hours. Not so much "be" with him, it's hard to explain… but I felt him and touched his soul through the cosmos once again… We're destined for now to have our paths split, but one day… sometime… down the river of life, of being, living and dying- I will find him again. Our souls are magnets, attracted to one another, ever pulling, despite the vastness of the universe dividing us apart. Death isn't the end, it's just a break point to something else, to revolve back around in this ever spinning wheel we know as life and death.
I have this one memory that I remember with absolute clarity, which I often recall… and it takes me back, takes me back to being on my boy's back, and him thundering across a wide open field covered with every beautiful shade of pink, red, yellow, and blue in wild flowers, I could feel the strength of him shaking the earth under us, his power, and our bodies feeling as though they just became one being. I'd closed my eyes, and savored everything, every smell, every sound, the touch of my hands clutching his mane, his strong, soft neck arched… the wind blowing through my hair, the smell of both of our bodies pouring sweat, the salt taste in my mouth from our sweat.
Getting to spend a few hours on the moon with a loved one who passed sounds like an incredible trip.
Lol, I didn't know who you were talking about in the third paragraph. At first I thought you may have worded it improperly and it was a childhood memory of you riding on someone's back, likely your father. Then I thought it was an incredibly cliche moment you'd had with a boyfriend or your ex-husband, something straight out of a women's romance novel.
Finally I realized it was a horse and that you calling him "my boy" threw me off just like the time you recently referred to your dogs as your family. -
2017-07-18 at 8 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Captain Falcon didnt read
Didn't care.
Originally posted by Captain Falcon Malice, what are your thoughts on Absurdism?
"When they realized they were in the desert, they created a religion to worship the thirst."
I'm not really a fan of Camus. He's certainly excellent when it comes to quotability, but lacks sufficient substance for my taste and I believe absurdism is ultimately critically and reduces to very simple aspects.
You ask this after your previous post. Stop quoting them, it only makes others have to scroll past them twice. Of course being a childish nuisance is your default crude trolling style, which you apparently derive amusement from due to your poor taste.
Post last edited by Malice at 2017-07-18T20:07:53.631888+00:00 -
2017-07-18 at 7:51 PM UTC in the buddhas great mercy can not longer help usI will become a novel iteration of the Buddha for the new age.
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2017-07-18 at 7:30 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSThe resurgence of negative utilitarianism. I love it, I'm genuinely enamored with anti-natalism and how it can further be developed for the involuntary (hardy har har) extermination of the human race, of all life. I can even tie in possible solutions to the problems of identity and consciousness, which will require enormous work, based on my interpretation of the original teachings of Buddhism, the justification for the concept of no-self, that the concepts of identity and consciousness are untenable, "illusory", and ultimately there is no fundamental difference between this state and death. No, that isn't quite it. It's excruciatingly difficult to explain, unsurprisingly, as these may be the most difficult problems in philosophy and neuroscience, my two principle interests. Even without my argument on the nature of what we perceive to identity and consciousness, the argument for the end of all life in existence, its desirability, is still sound.
That after all this time there could still be room to seriously posit something as extreme as this, following in the lineage of such great men as Buddha, Schopenhauer, and Benatar, attempting to unify and complete their work. What a wonderful opportunity for a person passionate about entering the field of philosophy.
Lanny, what's your opinion on negative utilitarianism?
Also, I forgot to mention this. I was searching for an old post of mine and came across something you wrote two years ago, which brought it to mind:Life has no inherent meaning, I am unable to find satisfactory subjective value. Of course that doesn't make me feel better.
Have you ever seriously engaged with the works of any existentialist philosopher? If you don't mind something a little dry I'd suggest Sartre's Existentialism is a Humanism or Camus' The Stranger or The Myth of Sisyphus (the former is a novel, the latter an essay. The Stranger is probably more fun to read but more cryptic/open to interpretation than Sisyphus). You should also make an effort to avoid complecting politics in the equation (Sartre was largely a communist, Camus rejected communism and that came through in The Stranger and Heidegger (another famous existentialist) joined the nazi party during WWII so the mindset kind runs the gamut of political positions. I'm not saying it's going to change your life or whatever but I think the works from that movement are interesting, firstly, and secondly the classical existentialists do a really excellent job of, at least, cataloging and recognizing the anguish of an honest confrontation with modern society and it's issues but also giving us a way of thinking about our situation in honestly and without self delusion and still finding some solace or even happiness in it.
Amazingly, I'm actually a complete novice in philosophy. Prior to this I had the same common misconceptions about it having no practical value, being unable to find answers/solutions, ultimately leading nowhere. That and the view that ultimately everything was unknowable/uncertain.
I distinctly recall that I developed an interest in existentialism at some point during the 3 year period of suicidal depression. The reason was quite cliche, a desperate final attempt to find a compelling reason to live. No answer I came across, nothing I had ever read, in fiction or philosophy, felt satisfying, ultimately everything posited appeared to be fundamentally flawed and untenable.
I don't think I began taking philosophy somewhat seriously until sometime this year, really within the last 4 months or so. The reason I may be to grasp it so quickly is due to my abnormal/atypical neurology and mind along with the enormous widespread knowledge base I'm able to utilize to form connections and derivatives. I'll spare the details.
Certainly I'm not deluded enough to believe I'm remarkable or even necessarily show promise at this point, or am even knowledgeable. Fortunately I have that legendary aspie obsession to kick into high gear, particularly once studies are focused on it. Imagine if I became as monomaniacle about philosophy as I have about autism and its neurology, which I accomplished solely as an amateur interest, with no formal education. It is astounding how underinformed, uninformed, and misinformed even the majority of ASD specialists are. Simply attempt an erudite conversation on neuroscience, neuro-pharmacology, and ASD as opposed to the conventional fixation on the far less complex and undemanding symptoms, behavioral characteristics, and therapy. Their conspicuous nescient nature will become readily apparent.
Philosophy and neuroscience (specializing in autism/ASD) would pretty fucking cool to double major in, especially from UC Berkeley. I'm currently lazy and lethargic as fuck with a vast array of severe ailments and serious issues, so of course I wouldn't be able to handle the course load. Well, two years until that's even really something to decide. Ah, fuck it, a formal education in neuroscience wouldn't be the same. The education system is already inefficient enough to begin with, but with neuroscience my sole interest is in autism. Of course there's a vast amount related to this, insights that could be had, potentially from other disorders, but even then it could be learned independently. For example, the deficit in sensory gating in schizophrenia and how it may relate to that found in autism, the various disproportionately high comorbidities etc. As to neuroscience and consciousness, I believe they're asking the wrong questions. Not that the findings won't be valuable, particularly for computer science, automation and machine learning, and AI specifically, that isn't what I refer to. I simply mean I believe the data is very unlikely to be of value to me, to philosophy.
Post last edited by Malice at 2017-07-18T20:12:09.442805+00:00 -
2017-07-18 at 5:49 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSHeh, found some very important information on autism/ASD and IQ scores/(general) intelligence that will irk sploo quite nicely. I think I'll make a thread about it.
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2017-07-18 at 4:21 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Sophie I hadn't noticed until you just mentioned it. Like i said, Kanna was moe for me, i liked her friend Saikawa better for lolicon reasons but i am not sure if you met her yet.
I've gotten to the school episode where they meet. Currently she seems really annoying, a terrible person.
This was the exact scene where I realized what they were talking about with regard to Kanna.
It may have been the first scene where it was conspicuous. Afterward I couldn't stop noticing it. -
2017-07-18 at 4:17 PM UTC in The Innocence of Children
Originally posted by RisiR † No.
Admit it, it does wonders for your self-esteem, doesn't it? It really is a glorious feeling. It's like, Nietzche, you know? As if a part of his spirit entered you and you felt as the ubermensch must. A glorious invigoration of the ego, life affirmation.
Originally posted by Sophie Every guy is at least a hebephile. Cheer up Captain Velcro.
I wouldn't say that. I genuinely don't find younger girls attractive at this age. Their personality and other characteristics aside, they just have this stupid undeveloped look about that that accurately reflects who they are internally. Insufferable.
Also, somewhat related and just to be clear, I'm not a pedo. Of course you already know there's a distinct difference between pedophilia and lolicon. Young girls are nothing like anime lolis. -
2017-07-18 at 4:06 PM UTC in Lanny you fucking faggot
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2017-07-18 at 4 PM UTC in The Innocence of Children
Originally posted by RisiR † Just got a laugh attack thinking about mmQ freezing to death in Fargo, starving and in WDs while Captain 500 is feeding Bill the Cat in no shits given Florida. Hahaahaha.
You're only a good person until someone gives you the slightest reason not to be. May it be your own entertainment. That's cold.
"I'm a good person until someone gives me a good reason not to be, such as my own entertainment."
Hmm, yes, I like that. I think I'll try to use it one day, or a variant. -
2017-07-18 at 3:38 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Lanny It was surprisingly good, although every character than isn't Kobayashi or Kana is a waste of screentime. I'm thinking about reading the manga in Japanese, the reading level required for it is supposed to be rather low.
We can all guess who Kobayashi instantly reminded us of.
Originally posted by Sophie Nicu. And it was really good imho. Also i don't think i agree with you on the characters, Kanna was super moe but her little friend Saikawa was 11/10 kawaii. And i think the cast of characters was just nice to have together although Fafnir was bretty lame.
I had seen some mentions of Kanna using the meme T H I C C, but I had no idea what they were talking about. That was, until a certain a scene finally showcased her thighs. Good lord, those are not realistic proportions for a girl her age. Well, you know what I mean.
I've only seen it up to episode for and so far it's been kind of boring, tbh. I'll try to finish it due to high rating and acclaim, but I expected much more due to the aforementioned. -
2017-07-18 at 3:32 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSThe optimal level of happiness. Diminishing returns to attempts to increase net well-being in life based on research related to the hedonic treadmill and the costs.
Ultimately you can reduce happiness, as with many other things, as being similar to a multivitamin. Something necessary for proper biological function. Certainly it can be excessive, merely ponder mania, or thought experiments involving wire heads.
Then an argument against seeking happiness primarily based on my interpretation of original Buddhist ideology as well as the heavy detrimental effects and costs involved as well as the inverse, the benefits gained. Abandon your desire for happiness, abandon happiness itself. An explanation for why my goal in life is not to be happy, to be as happy as possible, and why I consider this to be an exceedingly crude goal.
"Why don't you care about happiness (as others do)?"
"Evoking emotional states is not my goal in life."
Originally posted by Lanny Lol, gamma knife equipment is pretty damn rare, I really doubt you're going to get scheduled to lobotomize yourself because autism
Oh please, as if I would do it in the US. Medical tourism, honey. Yes, I'm fully aware of the various potential risks, that extensive research is required, but there are locations that specifically cater to 1st world medical tourists, with some doctors even trained in the US, all staff speaking fluent english, who offer very high quality service for far lower out of pocket prices. US healthcare isn't even that good, you'd have to pay a fuckton and be pretty fucking rich to afford private surgery that can surpass what the optimal choice in the medical tourism market has to offer. There are simply a multitude of critical factors that immensely inflate prices (no need to discuss what the optimal system would be, whether "capitalism" is the root cause (certainly seems to work quite well for the medical tourist market)).
It's only around 10K total. The basis for procedure is really quite brilliant as an alternative to traditional invasive surgery, despite the concept being fairly simple.
Check this out if you're curious, I became aware of it years ago. Luxurious:
Originally posted by hydromorphone People give a bad rep to ALL foreign, S.E. Asian hospitals/elective procedures preformed, but really, there are some super nice hospitals, with experienced physician's. You hear horror stories and shit, particularly with bob-jobs, but… shit can and does happen even in the best of American/European hospitals too, all the time. It doesn't get talked about as much, since in the case of "vacation procedures", they don't have the long term care and follow up that they might have if they were residents and could return for those things. People generally stay just long enough to be able to fly back home for the cost issue. Don't think surgeries don't get botched anywhere else, and mostly, the case comes from infection, which again can happen anywhere from poor after care due to the patient not following appropriate aftercare instructions. It doesn't mean the doctor did a damn thing wrong.
This is true. There's a strong anti-foreign bias that's well supported. It stems from the inherent tribal nature of man.
Post last edited by Malice at 2017-07-18T15:34:33.088280+00:00 -
2017-07-18 at 3:22 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSAlso, I just realized I may have a form of eidetic memory: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eidetic_memory
Until yesterday, when reading more about ASD, I had the mistaken perception that this was not the case because I could not simply look at something, such as a page with writing on it, and recall it. While reading it was mentioned that exceptional long-term memory that is finely detailed with a high level of fidelity is common, if not standard, among ASD. Later the term "filmographic" was used along with a brief description.
Except for mine it's tied to social interaction, events in my own life, and emotion.
It really is similar to a video that can be recalled, skipped through, possibly even played backward or with speed alterations.
Although I may also have prosopagnosia, mild face blindness: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prosopagnosia
I don't know if it's due to the extreme aversion to eye contact and asociality, simply not having enough time to ever look at a face long enough to memorize the enormous amount of detail and associated meaning, or a neurological deficit. I'm already incredibly bad at remembering names (along with dates, which was actually mentioned as two of the things aspies tend to be bad at memorizing), not being able to tell who someone is, especially if they're east-asian, could lead to incredibly awkward events. Hmm, no, recalling the past, I've never had an issue with this, people do tend to look distinct. But, as for faces in my memory, they're oddly absent. They're just very vague and lacking in detail, I'm unable to focus on anything distinct, like they're just blurred in a way. I honestly can't bring to mind a highly detailed memory of any face I've seen.