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Posts by Malice
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2017-07-20 at 10:33 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Wasp Sugar Lmao you posted a very happy themed anime gif about busting that load then you want to turn around and say it wasn't awesome.
I remember "breaking the seal" when I was locked up about 25 days in. I was in a pussy ass direct supervision pod and my bunk was right by the CO desk, some Mexican chick who had to be at least 250 lbs was on night shift and well you know the rest. I jizzed so much under my blanket it got everywhere. I just couldn't resist and from then on I pretty much jerked it every other day in the shower. Sometimes I would even sneak Vaseline in there with me.
It actually helped out with feeling sad somewhat. So you're full of shit, jizzing is amazing.
Post last edited by Wasp Sugar at 2017-07-20T22:28:33.605040+00:00
Oh, it was caused by Nardil. The general trend toward asexuality had been occuring for a long time before that.
Also, my penis was greatly desensitized, so it wasn't just being unable to orgasm. Definitely played a major factor in why it didn't feel that great. -
2017-07-20 at 10:30 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSOh, cool, Little Guy (girl) is willing to eat indoors as long as I'm far enough away from her. Uh oh, the wind could definitely close the screen door I had open a bit. Not closed shut, but I'm worried she'll freak out. I guess I'll just try pushing it open with a broom, but considering how it affected her when the wind blew over the food bowl and slammed the screen door against the wall a while ago it would take her a while to get to this level of trust again, which I really don't want.
It is really nice to see progress in cats like her, strays/ferals, and the wind possibly blowing over the bowls won't be an issue (I really should just attach something heavy to the bottom or rig something to place them.).
Alright, and she's out safe after looking around a bit and finally pushing it open enough. It was just barely closed to much for her to feel she could slip through it. I'll make sure to prop it open next time.
Definitely like her eating and drinking inside. Will make her more at ease indoors and around people, less likelihood of her getting spooked or the neighbor's kids or dogs coming by. I hate being seen, or even the possibility of it. Still anthropophobic and agoraphobic to an extent. -
2017-07-20 at 10:11 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSDamn, they took down Hansa market today after a ton of people moved to it when beta was shut down. An 8x increase in human users. It was taken over a month ago.
Those insidious bastards. The DNM scene is going to be fucked for a while. Aww fuck, and I really needed some clonazolam powder. Well, fuck it, may just use good old etizolam instead, it's not that big of a difference, or I could give diclazepam a try.
https://www.reddit.com/r/DarkNetMarkets/comments/6ogj7g/hansa_and_betabay_busted_megathread/?st=j5czlpte&sh=57a442f1
Well, anyone who reuses passwords, especially on DNMs, is a fucking dumbass. Randomly generate and store them, this isn't difficult at all.
Now you shouldn't order from any market for a while. Who knows how long. Generally they bounce back relatively rapidly, but this is a bit different due to having trapped so many people, refugees, after taking down what was the largest market by far.
All the more reason why decentralized marketplaces such as OpenBazaar need a drastic increase in awareness and use ASAP.
Post last edited by Malice at 2017-07-20T22:17:09.262639+00:00 -
2017-07-20 at 9:54 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSGenetic Slavery and the Will to Live
When I woke up today after some time today I had various thoughts on the subject of philosophy, particularly my focus of interest, and my mind came across this concept. Further supporting what I desire to postulate. My system may yet be tenable, one day it could come to fruition.
I began to feel moderately captivated and filled with a light euphoria or joy at the world of ideas. The possibilities it contains, so much potential, so much to grasp, to attempt a full understanding of, deconstruct and critique. Particularly what I aim to do, challenge the greatest of taboos, resurrect that which was unjustly denounced and discarded, go further to extremes never attempted before and create all that is necessary to establish my system.
What I aim to do is to build all that is required, every thought experiment, every argument, all leading to the this: That the aim of our existence should be to end all life as we know it. The justification for why mankind in particular should be brought to an end regardless of individual "consent". Even an addendum, an outline for how it could be attained in one glorious event and possibilities for how to render the earth inhospitable to, incapable of producing, sentient life again; one particularly attractive option being the destruction of the ozone layer. This is regardless of plausibility, whether it is likely to be occur, critical individuals convinced. It is simply a manifesto for what should be done. -
2017-07-20 at 9:32 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSI did it...I FINALLY DID IT!!! After at least 20 days, up to a month, without even coming from a wet dream, with severe erectile dysfunction and complete inorgasmia I came! I ACTUALLY CAME!
It took 3 hours of off and on attempts, deciding to give up multiple times because it felt it clearly wasn't going to happen, then changing my mind, but I finally did it. The details don't matter.
Christ I made a mess. That was a huge fucking load. I began coming too fast and couldn't aim into a receptacle in time, shot all over the bed sheet.
Still feel jittery.
Well, I won't be doing that again. Not worth it. Sex acts (haven't tried actual sex) are incredibly boring/uninteresting and stupid. There are far better things in life. I wouldn't have minded never coming again, but felt I should drain myself just to be safe. It was not worth it, by far, a chasmic distance. -
2017-07-20 at 7:15 AM UTC in hey so How long can a man live without
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2017-07-20 at 7:13 AM UTC in What is your greatest drug-induced epiphany?While on Xanax I experienced repeated epiphanies that I should stop doing drugs after almost being arrested for multiple felonies, then coming close to Greyfox'ing myself after I fell asleep in the snow, but I kept forgetting because I was on Xanax.
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2017-07-19 at 6:48 PM UTC in Which poster do you hate the most?
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2017-07-19 at 3:12 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
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2017-07-19 at 2:40 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSMarked decrease need for sleep, unless it stems from the flmodafinil. That's another sign of potentially being mildly bipolar. I started logging the positive and negative phases yesterday. Currently 3 days into the positive.
Unfortunately bipolar disorder may never be beaten like I believed chronic depression can. Fortunately as I continue to recover the depressive phases may become so mild they don't produce considerable hardship.
I barely know anything about bipolar disorder due to only having focused on ailments that affect me. I had never considered the possibility before this. I also worry that the cycling may be relatively rapid, occurring on a weekly basis, and that the depressive phases are generally equivalent in length to the manic. Having manic phases far longer than the depressive, or the depressive being far less frequent, would be far superior. Although it's quite possible there may be a positive correlation between those cyclical styles of bipolar and the severity of depression, which can reach terrifying levels. -
2017-07-19 at 7:36 AM UTC in List of people who will never have children:Me.
And thank god for it. I am profoundly grateful for having dodged that bullet. It would have been the end of me. -
2017-07-19 at 7:02 AM UTC in This is literally the most beautiful video ever recorded in the history of earthWow, that was good. I never heard about this event, NK's first western concert.
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2017-07-19 at 6:43 AM UTC in Which poster do you hate the most?
Originally posted by cerakote malice when he's tardposting (most of the time)
Oh, you're just butt hurt because I tore you a new one, which was well deserved.
It's flattering, really, that it had such an impact on you and you're still upset over a few posts on a small message board. What a petty boy you are, it's endearing, in a way. Like a senpai bullying and dominating his kohai in good natured jest. -
2017-07-19 at 6:29 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSMy brain's going to fucking explode one day if I'm not careful. I forgot to mention, but on the subject of potentially being mildly bipolar and having regular manic cycles, which are notable in my writing, this is nowhere near my potential peak. I'm not even close to being fully recovered. The thought of what the peaks, the positive, cycles could be like in a healthy/optimal state is horrifying. I could genuinely require strong sedatives of mood stabilizers to prevent it from becoming beyond my control.
A decade from now I could end up like those genius polymaths who just end up completely losing it. They develop severe mental illness for unknown reasons, go insane, become unable to cope with life, discover something, come to an understanding, that they simply aren't able to cope with, and it does this to them, ending in self-destruction.
Regular breaks, moderate your extreme obsessive tendencies, be aware of mood and its impact, how it needs to be managed, have a support network of people IRL, don't take (most) things too seriously, remember to have fun/recreation time. Seems pretty basic.
I'm fascinated by the possibility of what these people may eventually grasp that they're either unwilling or unable to convey, or have no interest in doing so. I suppose it would have to do with the nature of life/reality, a lack of a reason to continue to live. They most likely erred and did not properly manage mental illness, neglected or did not possess the aforementioned protective lifestyle factors.
That really is how I would describe the autistic experience. It's intense, everything is amplified. A distinct feeling of greater intensity, to the point where you could even perceive me breathing heavily from simply being in heavy thought, or at times from walking outside. Even ideas, thoughts, have a greater intensity, -
2017-07-19 at 6:06 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSGee, maybe I should eventually publish an amateur paper on my "Autism as a Self Perpetuating Traumatic Cycle" theory. It's so oddly synergistic it may lead to a root cause, something analogous to a "big bang" event. There's also "The Scientific Asperger's Mind" paper I have in mind, the cognitive impact of the above would clearly be incorporated.
Purely through amateur interest, one of a multitude, I already clearly surpass Discount Whore in knowledge, understanding, and skill/aptitude for application. This is despite him having formal education and training, actually working in the field, of biology.
Although, we all know biologists do tend to be rather low on the scientific ranking, now don't we? -
2017-07-19 at 5:59 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSI uncovered the benefit of the amygdala abnormality in ASD, which I initially overlooked. At first the thought came to me after observing the lightning fast reflexes I repeatedly demonstrated when checking Ash's fur, when she seemed irritated and would turn to give me a warning nibble. I knew this was due to perpetually being in a mild form of the fight-or-flight state, particularly during events perceived as having potential danger, even something as relatively insignificant as this (Perception is key, of course.)
The reason I didn't note this is because it seemed to have no practical use. It does align with some evolutionary theories of the origins of autism, though. In our modern society this simply doesn't have much use or benefit, unless you live in a particularly dangerous area (Just leave, if possible. Don't enter into a lifestyle where you aren't able to. Unless you're doing a report or writing a book, something of that nature.), are a police officer, or in the military, related occupations. In those it could be highly beneficial for certain roles, but I would very strongly advise against them due to the strong predisposition for PTSD, which I forgot to mention and is related to what I wrote here: https://niggasin.space/post/221304
They're simply terrible roles for aspies, for a variety of reasons. Among the worse.
Now, MMA is a very interesting possibility, although if you have the concomitant low muscle tone concomittant with this subtype of aspergers you likely won't do well past a certain point. I wouldn't count on it becoming a profession, ever making it to the professional level. That and it doesn't have much lasting value for society.
I also had the thought that a simple variation of reaction time tests should be studied. Instead of the standard test where there's a response to stimuli requiring extension it should be contraction. For example, a loud noise requires you to release your grip and the time it takes is recorded accurately. If this hasn't already been done, a remarkable median difference would likely be found.
Now, as to the benefit, it's simply that being in a constantly primed state, a mild state of hyperarousal (Another term for fight-or-flight, also called the acute stress response), has cognitive benefits. Your mind is constantly active, awake, in "go" mode. There are well extablished benefits to performance of being mildly anxious.
Now, of course there are powerful detrimental aspects, other than the various life impacts stemming from anxiety, fear, and apprehension. The social impact, even impact on life decisions (risk aversion). Primarily I refer to the fact that this persistent state is unnatural, the human body was not designed, did not evolve, to endure it. Long term chronic stress has well established negative effects, on the body, mind/mental state/well being, and brain. Very likely a principle reason for the disparity in life expectancy, along with negative health events and conditions, particularly in late age, relative to the median life expectancy. I would recommend that regular breaks be taken. Currently Nardil is my standard recommended baseline medication for aspies, at least the ones that suffer from depression and anxiety. Other than that, due to them being the foremost treatment available, despite the disadvantages, I would simply recommend utilizing benzodiazepines for regular breaks. Once every month for 5 consecutive days, a week, or so, would likely be fine. T-PAIN as well due to preventing many of the key neurological alterations induced by long term chronic stress. -
2017-07-19 at 12:45 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSThey are swingers who regularly swap partners and have group sex. Everyone has different tastes, Sophie. As a pedophile, you should certainly understand.
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2017-07-19 at 12:41 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSI've been reading and occasionally posting for 9 hours straight now. Why do I do this to myself? I genuinely inadvertently skipped the nap I had planned.
I am the God of information. My domain is books and the internet, the data stream.
Originally posted by Discount Whore 2.0 malice is god
Discount, we are all nerds/intellectuals (or at least we wish we were...), have you ever thought about adopting me into your family as a sort of amalgam of a son, younger brother, and aspie sex toy/partner?
It wouldn't have the highly distasteful qualities of infantilism or whatever it's referred to for later ages, and the power imbalance, the lack of reciprocation/mutual benefit.
Yet, due to literally being autistic I am amazingly socially and emotionally retarded, have an unimaginable lack of actual experience. Had an incredibly asymmetrical development. Why would this be a positive aspect? Because it would allow you have the highly fulfilling and enjoyable role akin to a father figure. Think of it. It would be like the teenage phase, where they can actually understand you to a far higher degree and understand more about the world, about life, have developed better aspects of themselves, yet without the negative aspects teenagers generally possess. I would be learning about much of life, experiencing much of the world, the world of people, relationships, for the first time in my life. You already have two daughters and are done with having children, this will give you the experience of a son you will never otherwise have. Do you want to live your life never having known that? Regretting it during your final moments. Picture yourself, surrounded by family, and as you begin to fade a spectre of myself appears alongside the others, with the expression of a boy who wishes he had met the father he had never had. And as a single tear falls across your face from your left eye you realize, "He was the son I never had, I could have had..." Don't let your final moment be filled with regret.
And of course your wife could teach me...whatever mothers do to teenage boys. The world of women is quite strange and foreboding, unknown to me. Ah! *pounds closed fist of right hand on upward facing open palm of left* About love, women, relationships! Yes, of course you are aware of my absolute lack of experience with the other gender, never so much as having held hands, due to...very unusual ideas about life. I have stated I am willing to give it a chance, to see if there is something worthwhile in the experience.
The son aspect would not be disingenuous due to me being an aspie and being absolutely horrible at taking care of myself. I really do need someone to look after me, particularly during what may be depressive cycles. Throughout time many a great man has been enabled by a great woman behind him, supported by her through his arduous life.
And of course there are the endearing highly idiosyncratic and unique aspie qualities. Simply behold! Whether for good or bad can anyone deny I am not a once in a lifetime character? There are countless aspects of this, from the unexpected childlike qualities, the affinity and love for animals, to the wide variety of quirks and oddities you will notice. I am like a different species. Imagine the novelty. Are you not bored of having experienced nothing but standard human beings all your life? Do not allow the stereotypes and stigmas to prejudice your views, those of us possessing high IQs may be aliens on your planet, but we can also be the most bizarre, memorable, unique, and enthralling people you will ever meet.
And of course you would have the experience of a genuine virgin, yet not naive, lacking the negative aspects, who you can teach everything about love to. Mold into your perfect sexual being. I assure you I am capable of the highest quality performance
Afterward we could all sit around and discuss intellectual matters, the things that are truly important to use, and be fully open, without shame or judgement. Nothing is off limits. Your heart and minds will have the satisfaction that is not met by ordinary people and relationships. Then we could view anime, or whatever it is your hobbies and interests are.
I am 100% serious about this. I honestly want you to have your wife read this post, then you can tell me her thoughts on the matter. Of course it will require her approval as well. -
2017-07-18 at 11:59 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by hydromorphone I wish. I wanna do that with PoC sometime soon, hopefully.
MDMA therapy with you is probably the most positive thing PoC could experience. It's a life changing event for many people if done properly, with the right person or people.
Originally posted by Discount Whore 2.0 in five days you will be posting about how depressed you are just like malice goes through his manic cycles
youre talking about a guy who brags about destroying people. Treating people like shit overpowers "good souls" I mean hitler loved dogs
Hitler is actually one of my role models. Even if you disagree with him, you can't deny he was one of the greatest men in history. I've also come across some fascinating information about what he was like in his earlier life, the social aspect of his being.
Also, I don't really go through manic cycles. I've never been close to being manic. I'm either mildly depressed or severely depressed. If I do have cycles, which seems to be the case, they're cycles where my depression worsens and I lose the ability to function, even skipping eating for up to 3 days (Actually my third day fasting now, although the cycle ended yesterday. Purposefully done.) and showers for longer than that.
I'm completely serious, what you perceive as manic is simply somewhat above baseline, I'm really not particularly happy or energetic. Hmm, well, actually, looking at the symptoms I'm not particularly elated and I never experience euphoria and my physical energy is still low, although there's certainly a rise in cognitive energy.
The lack of euphoria and physical energy could be explained by the severity and length of my depression, how extreme(ly unnatural) and unhealthy my lifestyle is (Complete lack of social relationships or interaction.), along with some aspects of aspergers, the very low emotionality and possibly physical energy levels, the problems caused by low muscle tone such as endurance and fatigue.
So, utilizing a 1-10 point system to illustrate this, if I'm naturally at a 1 on certain symptoms of mania, primarily mood and physical energy, and mania raises it by 5, I'm only at a 6 whereas a normal person, whose baseline is at 5, is pushed to the maximum level where the symptoms are undeniable.
I actually recall reading recently that among teens (possibly at age 17) those classified as gifted (Me.) were found to have somewhere around a 4x risk of having or developing bipolar disorder relative to the general population. It may also be greatly overrepresented, have a high comorbidity, among those with ASD.
I never thought of this before! I may actually be mildly bipolar. This would perfectly explain the cycles I've repeatedly gone through. Well, shit, that's just another major thing that may be wrong with me. At least it's only mild and I already know how to treat it due my knowledge of psychiatric disorders, neurology, and pharmacology.
There's actually a strong correlation between high intellectual or artistic achievement and bipolar disorder. Of course it's during the manic phases that positive development, production, occurs. -
2017-07-18 at 11:31 PM UTC in I am really really depressedKinkou, don't ever have children. Trust me, it is the worst thing you could do. It's already bad enough for neurotypicals: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2015/08/11/the-most-depressing-statistic-imaginable-about-being-a-new-parent/
but as an aspie it's practically incompatible with you. Can you imagine dealing with an infant and their crying with your sensory issue, the auditory hypersensitivity? That alone could very well drive you insane or to suicide. If you go down the list of symptoms/traits you can clearly see how they're going to have a strong negative effect on being able to deal with a child, on your quality as a parent.
Don't make the mistake of blindly following the lifescript, seeing as just something you're supposed to do, the next step in life that makes you an adult, a sign of success. It's none of these things.
Don't let your boyfriend pressure you into it either. This isn't something you compromise on. If either of the people are on the fence, it should not be done. You can't go halfway on being a parent, and you can't go back once they're born.
https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/6ht94f/i_wanted_kids_now_i_have_one_and_hate_it_a_rant/
Post last edited by Malice at 2017-07-18T23:36:11.962409+00:00