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Posts by CASPER
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2019-03-20 at 5:44 AM UTC in Where is the line between being a junkie and not?Highest dose 175. Been on for a year and a half I think. First year I was using along with methadone. Then a lot less. Then just China white. Then just methadone. I've really only been tapering off for 4 or 5 months.
Yeah one month taper is no go. After using as long as we have, you're brain and body really need time to start slowly adjusting again. The last few months are the first time I've taken a regular dump in over a decade. Lol. do you know how nice it is to be able to take a shit before you go to work in the morning and not have to feel awful all day? Lol -
2019-03-20 at 5:43 AM UTC in Where is the line between being a junkie and not?
Originally posted by gadzooks How much was your highest dose?
Also, how long have you been on it?
I'm just curious because I was on methadone myself, only I ended up getting straight up hooked on the methadone. I always pissed clean, so I eventually got weekly carries and would just go through half right away, then the other half a couple days later. By day 6/7, it was absolutely horrible. Worst days of my life.
I actually ended up using heroin to taper off of the methadone.
Ironic as fuck, I know.
And I don't really recommend it. It probably wouldn't work for everyone.
What I did was I just decided I wanted to get off the methadone as quickly as possible, so I told my doc that I want to taper down from about 120 to 0 in a month. She strongly advised against it, but I told her I just want to get this over with… kinda like ripping off a bandaid.
I took a lot of benzos to help.
I even tried kratom, but it did nothing for me (maybe it was just weak stuff, I dunno).
Then when I got down towards zero, I used heroin a few times, but made a strict promise to myself that I would stop all opiate use (from codeine to oxycodone to heroin to methadone, absolutely all of it) by the end of December 2014.
Somehow I managed to pull that off, and have been opiate clean since then.
But I will tell you, that one month rapid taper was FUCKING BRUTAL. I ended up in the psych ward for a few days at one point because I was suicidal.
God, I'm so glad that part of my life is over.
Best of luck to you. It can be done, and I'm living proof of that.
Yeah I have no desire to "get high" on methadone. I have 4 take homes right now, and on the days when I don't have to go in and dose at the window, usually I only drink half my dose. I HATE feeling all nodded out and shit now. I recognize the methadone is still a drug but I'm gonna be tapering down slow enough to the point where with drawl at the end should be very minimal and if I feel anything crouton or Blackseed oil and weed should be able to deal with it for the most part -
2019-03-20 at 4:46 AM UTC in Malice's Autopsy Report
Originally posted by GGG You look 40 with all those grey hairs. You stressed nigga?
Also my beard/hair is waaaaaay more grey than the picture makes it look. I don't know many 40 or 50 year olds with as much grey as I have. And of course they're the shitty old man grey hairs that grow off in strange directions so if I ever grow my beard out, there's hundreds of scraggly wiry hairs going off every which way. -
2019-03-20 at 4:44 AM UTC in Malice's Autopsy Report
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2019-03-20 at 3:02 AM UTC in Where is the line between being a junkie and not?
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2019-03-20 at 2:54 AM UTC in Malice's Autopsy ReportSince he's dead and this is really all about me by default, here's some pictures of my beard.
Don't even have neckbeard anymore. Crazy right? -
2019-03-20 at 2:26 AM UTC in Malice's Autopsy Report
Originally posted by DietPiano Makes sense that he had a beard at least at the end. Unless you have very well groomed facial hair, it usually looks like crap and is a clear sign to everybody that you don't give enough of a crap to take care of yourself really. Speaking from experience, it's usually habitual self-neglect.
If it is well groomed it's a sign of the opposite.
For years I was "growing out"my beard. I really just looked fat and homeless. I'm the last couple months, I bought a beard trimmer and cut it close, lined it up. People respond to me completely differently. Not to mention I feel more confident now. Clean clothes every day whether they smell dirty or not. Lol. flossing twice a day. Waterpic to clean out my nasty smokers tonsils. Trim beard every day and clean up stubble. Workout in the morning.
Feel great. -
2019-03-20 at 1:55 AM UTC in Malice's Autopsy ReportI mean catfucking was an excellent choice on his part for a trait to give a virgin autist.
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2019-03-19 at 9:01 PM UTC in Where is the line between being a junkie and not?Fuckin Lanny
I'm now the admin of the site. He can't be trusted. He's infringing upon the rights of the people. He wants to control what language you can and cannot use. -
2019-03-19 at 8:59 PM UTC in Where is the line between being a junkie and not?
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2019-03-19 at 6:38 PM UTC in Where is the line between being a junkie and not?And methadone...I'm down to 120. Excellerating my taper to 3mg/week, so right about the end of this year (or sooner if I start tapering more), I'll be good.
Nigella Sativa oil is supposed to be great for tapering opioids, but the stuff makes my stomach gurgle and get awful cramps. -
2019-03-19 at 6:36 PM UTC in Where is the line between being a junkie and not?All it does is make this thread more fun to view at work
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2019-03-19 at 6:34 PM UTC in The totse/zoklet/ect darwin awardsHe'd actually look like you if he had a chubbier face, shaved head.
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2019-03-19 at 6:31 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro EditionThe jest is in fact on YOU, dear friend.
For in reclining in my current posture, I only further obfuscate the mucosa betwixt which you claim to plan performing certain biologically questionable undulations, at great cost to the functionality of my aforementioned balloon knot.
Heretofore, you should consider the veracity of your witticisms, ante-utterance...and not be made a mockery, as I have done THUSLY.
*drops metal cone meant to project my voice to a crowd of onlookers* -
2019-03-19 at 6:22 PM UTC in Where is the line between being a junkie and not?In my first act as mod, I ban you for 120 days- during which time you will be allowed to view and post in only one thread- which is nothing but that picture. You will be the only poster and only respondee in this thread.
Your ban will be in effect until 12pm pacific time on.....whatever day is 120 days from now. I'm not going to bother autistic googling for the sake of preciseness. -
2019-03-19 at 6:19 PM UTC in The totse/zoklet/ect darwin awards
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2019-03-19 at 6:17 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro Edition@Phineas Shocke
I'm laid back as fuck, but at this point even I would ban you. -
2019-03-19 at 5:57 PM UTC in Malice's Autopsy Report
Originally posted by -SpectraL That's the one time I "insulted" him. He said he was going to kill himself, and I said, why, because you've got a one-inch dick? But like I said, he already shared this detail with everyone. I just figured he was attention-whoring, like so many others have in the past, so I didn't take him seriously. He had also posted publicly in the past that he was going to kill himself, but then didn't, so I just figured he was crying wolf.
Yeah I wouldn't read too much into that. He was talking about killing himself for like....6 years? More?
I legitimately thought he was alive and just being a dramatic Faggot this whole time, until I stumbled on the report. -
2019-03-19 at 5:53 PM UTC in Malice's Autopsy Report
Originally posted by Jiggaboo_Johnson Easy to say when you only know one side of it, and Malice was an adult not a kid…Guilt tripping the parents of an adult for his actions/decisions is pretty gay.
Yeah that's true. It's only gay though if they actually put the effort into raising him. Is it so hard to believe that someone I this day and age would be a lazy shifty parent? Especially to a special needs kid? Children rarely get as cynical and depressed as he did without the parents doing some pretty major shit wrong.
Still...doesn't mean J isn't responsible. -
2019-03-19 at 4:43 PM UTC in Where is the line between being a junkie and not?
Originally posted by Dissociator I mean, I'd have no problem never drinking. I don't drink anyway. If you said I could never do drugs (besides weed, minor benzos, and buprenorphine) I'd be ok with it. No drugs at all, would honestly freak me the fuck out.
I would start evaluating why it freaks you out so bad. I'm not trying to put myself on a pedestal- just to use it as an example... But like when I asked myself that question 10 or even 5 years ago, it'd cause me actual anxiety. Now, even though I'm on methadone, I look forward to not being on anything. If your brain still had that visceral animal reaction to the THOUGHT of complete sobriety, it probably means you have a hell of a lot moreover work to do.
That's not to say what you haven't done isn't big. But it's important to keep all those flaws in your peripheral view. You can't get out of a cage that if you don't know where the boundaries are, and where the door is. You can't do work to get better if you don't think that particular work needs doing. It's important to acknowledge that we can't Intellectualize our way around neurochemistry and addiction. Your brain will lie to you. You will think you know better. You will think you're in control. You WILL be wrong.
I've had friends come out of a 6 month rehab stint, only to start calling on the phone. Then they say they're not going to get high with us, but if it's cool with me, they want to come by the hotel and hang out while we fix. Then a few days later, they're weighing out the dope on the scale while we watch TV. The next night she says "just blow the smoke in my face i just want to smell it", and they laugh at how ridiculous it is.
A month and a half later, shooting heroin again, with an abscess on her upper arm the size of almost a tennis ball. I should've taken a picture for you it was so disgusting. Gigantic gross pimple with a whitehead. You could see the lump on her arm through a sweatshirt. It was so swollen and red and infected that we couldn't get it clean without her bawling and begging my friend to stop, so she had to go to the ER, and ended up doing a year in rehab after that.
Shit is sneaky, yo.
