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Where is the line between being a junkie and not?
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2019-03-20 at 4:12 AM UTCImagine going out of your way just to irritate and bother people. Like shooting fish in a barrel. "Here. I've got you now, and this is what I'm going to do to you..." No class.
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2019-03-20 at 4:13 AM UTC"And for my next trick, I'm going to irritate and annoy you by changing your usertitle to something stupid. hurr hur hur..." Damned kid.
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2019-03-20 at 5:02 AM UTCThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2019-03-20 at 5:17 AM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER And methadone…I'm down to 120. Excellerating my taper to 3mg/week, so right about the end of this year (or sooner if I start tapering more), I'll be good.
Nigella Sativa oil is supposed to be great for tapering opioids, but the stuff makes my stomach gurgle and get awful cramps.
How much was your highest dose?
Also, how long have you been on it?
I'm just curious because I was on methadone myself, only I ended up getting straight up hooked on the methadone. I always pissed clean, so I eventually got weekly carries and would just go through half right away, then the other half a couple days later. By day 6/7, it was absolutely horrible. Worst days of my life.
I actually ended up using heroin to taper off of the methadone.
Ironic as fuck, I know.
And I don't really recommend it. It probably wouldn't work for everyone.
What I did was I just decided I wanted to get off the methadone as quickly as possible, so I told my doc that I want to taper down from about 120 to 0 in a month. She strongly advised against it, but I told her I just want to get this over with... kinda like ripping off a bandaid.
I took a lot of benzos to help.
I even tried kratom, but it did nothing for me (maybe it was just weak stuff, I dunno).
Then when I got down towards zero, I used heroin a few times, but made a strict promise to myself that I would stop all opiate use (from codeine to oxycodone to heroin to methadone, absolutely all of it) by the end of December 2014.
Somehow I managed to pull that off, and have been opiate clean since then.
But I will tell you, that one month rapid taper was FUCKING BRUTAL. I ended up in the psych ward for a few days at one point because I was suicidal.
God, I'm so glad that part of my life is over.
Best of luck to you. It can be done, and I'm living proof of that.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2019-03-20 at 5:43 AM UTC
Originally posted by gadzooks How much was your highest dose?
Also, how long have you been on it?
I'm just curious because I was on methadone myself, only I ended up getting straight up hooked on the methadone. I always pissed clean, so I eventually got weekly carries and would just go through half right away, then the other half a couple days later. By day 6/7, it was absolutely horrible. Worst days of my life.
I actually ended up using heroin to taper off of the methadone.
Ironic as fuck, I know.
And I don't really recommend it. It probably wouldn't work for everyone.
What I did was I just decided I wanted to get off the methadone as quickly as possible, so I told my doc that I want to taper down from about 120 to 0 in a month. She strongly advised against it, but I told her I just want to get this over with… kinda like ripping off a bandaid.
I took a lot of benzos to help.
I even tried kratom, but it did nothing for me (maybe it was just weak stuff, I dunno).
Then when I got down towards zero, I used heroin a few times, but made a strict promise to myself that I would stop all opiate use (from codeine to oxycodone to heroin to methadone, absolutely all of it) by the end of December 2014.
Somehow I managed to pull that off, and have been opiate clean since then.
But I will tell you, that one month rapid taper was FUCKING BRUTAL. I ended up in the psych ward for a few days at one point because I was suicidal.
God, I'm so glad that part of my life is over.
Best of luck to you. It can be done, and I'm living proof of that.
Yeah I have no desire to "get high" on methadone. I have 4 take homes right now, and on the days when I don't have to go in and dose at the window, usually I only drink half my dose. I HATE feeling all nodded out and shit now. I recognize the methadone is still a drug but I'm gonna be tapering down slow enough to the point where with drawl at the end should be very minimal and if I feel anything crouton or Blackseed oil and weed should be able to deal with it for the most part -
2019-03-20 at 5:44 AM UTCHighest dose 175. Been on for a year and a half I think. First year I was using along with methadone. Then a lot less. Then just China white. Then just methadone. I've really only been tapering off for 4 or 5 months.
Yeah one month taper is no go. After using as long as we have, you're brain and body really need time to start slowly adjusting again. The last few months are the first time I've taken a regular dump in over a decade. Lol. do you know how nice it is to be able to take a shit before you go to work in the morning and not have to feel awful all day? LolThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2019-03-20 at 6:16 AM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER Highest dose 175. Been on for a year and a half I think. First year I was using along with methadone. Then a lot less. Then just China white. Then just methadone. I've really only been tapering off for 4 or 5 months.
Yeah one month taper is no go. After using as long as we have, you're brain and body really need time to start slowly adjusting again. The last few months are the first time I've taken a regular dump in over a decade. Lol. do you know how nice it is to be able to take a shit before you go to work in the morning and not have to feel awful all day? Lol
Yeah I remember the lengthy times in between bowel movements.
And yeah, I'm not recommending the one month taper. Like I said, it literally drove me crazy, they locked me up in highest security wing in the psych ward.
I probably would have had a smoother time if I stretched the taper out.
But, either way, it's all in the past now, thank goodness.
Once you get to the point that you're off the methadone and as long as you stay away from any and all opiates, the cravings/urges legitimately continue fading until you get to a point where you might occasionally think about getting a nod on, but it's only a thought, not an irresistible impulse.
I'm at a point now where I can even hang out with people doing heroin and I just have no interest in joining them. I know how hard it was to get clean, and no high in the world is worth risking going through all that again. -
2019-03-20 at 6:47 AM UTCYeah I'm at that same place now. Being sober is something I've had to work to achieve. I'm proud of it. It makes me happy and I feel better and all the opportunities are opening up. I'm making money.
Heroin was a dead end. I felt ashamed. I had to lie to everyone. I couldn't carry on basic conversations with strangers because it began to get too difficult to keep my real life and my "real life" straight in my own head. My health suffered. My depression flared up in an Awful way. I had to constantly worry about getting stopped and pulled over/searched. Life was chaos all the time.
Literally the only thing good about the lifestyle was when I was making money. The feeling of success and financial freedom Was incredible- like a drug in itself. Being able to do whatever you really wanted to do, and act on whim instead of having to be careful and reasonable. The couple weeks I was driving the demon was amazing. $120 a day car and $350 a night hotel over the marina...brand new outfit from the fat guy clothing store. It was cool to get to experience that, even just for a little while. That'd be the only thing that would possibly entice me in again,
But me being an addict again....unless I got into some seriously fucked up deep depression again- I have no idea how that'd even work. Like I would rather eat fear factor challenge food than do heroin again. Because as gay and as wrong as I thought the soberfags were all these years, it really is true: that when you work so hard to get sober, and your brain is in balance again- all it might take is one time to flip that switch and make you want it again. Essentially addiction just means more years wasted. Doing heroin again would be exactly the same for me- as going to prison. -
2019-03-20 at 9:08 AM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER But me being an addict again….unless I got into some seriously fucked up deep depression again- I have no idea how that'd even work. Like I would rather eat fear factor challenge food than do heroin again. Because as gay and as wrong as I thought the soberfags were all these years, it really is true: that when you work so hard to get sober, and your brain is in balance again- all it might take is one time to flip that switch and make you want it again. Essentially addiction just means more years wasted. Doing heroin again would be exactly the same for me- as going to prison.
Exactly.
It's like unloading a tremendous burden and feeling a heck of a lot freer. -
2019-03-20 at 9:31 AM UTCI literally used to have dreams about being at like a classy hipster party, and I'd be well into my law career or whatever at that point, and I'm able to mention in casual conversation that I've been sober for ___ years. That will be the most amazing feeling. Makes me get all misty eyed just thinking about it. Bc for 13 years (and I never thought in a million years it'd be that long...I figured I'd get strung out for 3,4,5 years and then pull my shit together), I thought I had a better chance of dragging my fat ass up Everest than getting clean. TIm not there yet, but the fact that I can feel how close that goal is.... fuck. It's major. I want everyone around me doing big shit, being better. I don't want to have to regret anything else.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2019-03-20 at 3:25 PM UTCBTW for anyone that thinks my rehab stint is just eh whatever
I've been in over 30 rehabs in the past 12 months. I was forced into rehab by the psychward at home, and my parents. Long story short, I had one psychotic break on lsd and coke where I tried to cut my stomach open, threw a rock through my window and made my dad write sissy on his stomach and scream like a banshee infront of my house and if he didnt comply I'd throw rocks at him. anyway, I got psychwarded. Despite being stable for a month, my parents convinced them I was paranoid schizo, by mentioning all the times I beat my dad up in the past 10 years, but failed to mention that my dad would get drunk and beat me up starting from age 10 and when I was old enough to defend myself I did. Every time I defended myself my dad would call the cops, tell them I started the fight and that hes an innocent old man and I'd get psychwarded. happened about 20 times from age 13 to 19.
anyways, the hospitals solution was either a)I go down to florida for rehab, get off methadone and be 100 percent sober or b) get to stay on methadone but go to the state hospital longterm (the doc said longterm means anywhere from 6 months to multiple years)
As soon as I got to florida, on april 4th 2018, I was put in a rigorous detox program to get off 210mg of methadone in 7 days using a subutex taper of 12 to 2mg over a week. The withdrawal was MISERY. After a week I was put into that programs PHP track, where I stayed for 2 weeks until I completed and got a certificate of completion (I ythought I was done there, thats all I needed to show the judge and my parents that I'm good. Well, not enough. They sent me to an IOP. On my first day, I bought meth from homeless people near my halfway and stole booze for them and got shitfaced with homeless methies all day. Came home to my halfway at like 10pm. Was good until I was woken up at like midnight. Apparently I vomited all over the room, including all over my face, clothes, even on the halfway houses pet cat. they got butthurt and kicked me out and I got sent to another php where I stayed for like 45 days.
That was the worst so far. Dealing with the post acute withdrawal from methadone, not even knowing they had suboxone maintenance programs. anyway, I started doing ok at this php I was at, doing good on effexor. Laughing and shit.. still was dealiung with painful PAWS… Towards the end of my stay there the doctor suggested I go on an MAOI. I was ecstatic about the idea. He put me on selegeline patch. Turns out the patch doesnt metabolise into meth like the pills do. I didnt know selegeline was non serotonergic, the doc apparently didnt know either, he took me off effexor cold turkey
I started sleeping through group every day ,extremely miserable. One of the therapists was like guys, this guy obviously is suffering. and got me transfered to my first MAT program.
got put on 8mg suboxone a day there and 6mg klonopin. AWESOME.
lasted like 2 days before the junkies there started hating me .I told one dude who was trying to start a fight i would rape him in his sleep, and the staff segregated me by putting me in a house on the IOP side of the compound. completely abandoned except for me. The other patients hated me.. lasted for another day until I got in a fight with some dude.. then his girlfriend hit me. I stood my ground, I was like CMON BITCH HIT ME AGAIN.
anyways, they considered me threatening and kicked me out for assaulting a girl, evem though I just stood there. was baker acted and put into the psychward where I detoxed offsuboxone and klonopin.
This was only my first like 2 months in florida. see all the shit ive been through. Ive been homeless abunch of times down here, ended up with a necrotic tooth infection that almost killed me, a broken jaw from a fight, etc. and all this, and now im sober
(if schplew was in similar circumstances he'd be dead within the first week)The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2019-03-20 at 3:36 PM UTCIt honestly makes me really happy that so many members of this community, people I've known for years, have begun the path to getting clean and living a mostly sober life.
Things are so much better when you are not fucked up all the time. You get your soul back. You get your mental processing back. You can begin studying and learning and exercising and all that good shit that people tell you to do, but doesn't actually sound like it'll help until you start doing all that shit.
I actually really enjoy sobriety. It feels like somewhat of a gift to enjoy clear thinking this much. I don't think I'd have such an appreciation if I had never been an addict.
Roshambo you're ahead of the game here by cleaning up at your age and I hope you keep it up. -
2019-03-20 at 7:59 PM UTCahh yeah... having a two hour window to shit in the morning before the first dose only after taking 4 colace the night b4 and sometimes milk of mag (the big guns). had to go to er after not pooping for aover a week one time, was scared i had a bowel obstruction of justic
I have a profound appreciation for my daily shit these days -
2019-03-20 at 8:23 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER I literally used to have dreams about being at like a classy hipster party, and I'd be well into my law career or whatever at that point, and I'm able to mention in casual conversation that I've been sober for ___ years. That will be the most amazing feeling. Makes me get all misty eyed just thinking about it. Bc for 13 years (and I never thought in a million years it'd be that long…I figured I'd get strung out for 3,4,5 years and then pull my shit together), I thought I had a better chance of dragging my fat ass up Everest than getting clean. TIm not there yet, but the fact that I can feel how close that goal is…. fuck. It's major. I want everyone around me doing big shit, being better. I don't want to have to regret anything else.
does it work pharmacologically to switch from metha to bupe? forgot about which is more competitive. -
2019-03-20 at 8:35 PM UTC210 methadone to 0 in a week with like 5 subs?
Sue them.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2019-03-21 at 3:12 AM UTC
Originally posted by DietPiano does it work pharmacologically to switch from metha to bupe? forgot about which is more competitive.
Bupe has higher affinity, but methadone stays in your system so long, your have to be off it for like a week before taking subs. Which is my case isn't likely. Also partial agonist never felt quite right. Subs to methadone= okay. Methadone to subs= high chance of inducing withdrawals. -
2019-03-21 at 3:31 AM UTCHonestly, don't fuckin play around with the drug shit man. Honestly, all my time on these communities and I still can't get over it. I know many of you THINK you understand pharmacology to a much higher level than is true. Just be safe and don't mix and match shit and die, ok?
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2019-03-21 at 3:44 AM UTCI was clean for 2 years Before I joined this community. Look at me now.
Thanks, community. Thanks for that. Not my fault YOUR FAULT. -
2019-03-21 at 3:47 AM UTC
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2019-03-21 at 3:48 AM UTC
