Originally posted by Sudo
well I only found out what it was last year while talking to this chicken in a liquor store who was really high on coke, then we got accosted by literal gypsies. It was a good day.
Point is, when I learned what it was I instantly identified with it and understood it but in a way where I realized I had internalized and repressed those feelings (or lack thereof) and they were actually what I had projected onto the world for many years but I had sought to heal from, by essentially forcing myself to experience things with a wide variance of emotion and using codependent relationships as a substitute for muh own feelings lol
See the reason why I've asked is because I've known about it for a long time and have studied it wondered if I'm like that but really it's so vague and personally when I read or listen to the some of the case studies there so much more intense than what I've been through. I've been diagnosed bipolar and to an extent I believe it's possible I am but a lot of the same behaviors also seem like borderline traits. Like running around doing drugs and having compulsive butt sex ect..
It's quite the quandary
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I work for a very MOON PERSON company, and my communication with them is always very MOON PERSONish in nature. They're making us get discord for some reason and talking to each other on it is why I brought this up.
Every time I've been in to HQ, it's all MOON PERSON style airhead enthusiasm, and facebook memes, and that attitude that's hard to nail down in a few words unique to MOON PERSONs. I can't relate to it.
Buzzfeed, that's what I'm looking for. If you have to picture an office in one image, think of what working at Buzzfeed would be like.
I'm excited to see how my Gen Zebras and I change everything up. I'm not saying it will be better, but it won't feel like soulless and hollow. Actually that's the point, Gen Zebras aren't afraid to admit they're soulless and hollow which is why it's a lot more authetic and interesting.
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Originally posted by Sudo
There are so many moving parts to my life I really gotta get off the fucking pills. I just need a stress free yet busy day and I'm good. Christmas is good in this way.
You're a good guy Sudo and I'm sure you'll be happy soon enough.
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Originally posted by Solstice
Glad you kicked the coke it's a shit wasteful drug
Yeah I'm hoping to kick the bottle as well cause that's my biggest trigger. When I go without both for 3 plus weeks I tend to feel closer to the "safe zone". I just feel more...normal, like refreshed/ born again.I hardly sleep at all in the Winter but I feel really good considering. I don't really enjoy Christmas, not for any particular reason I just find it really mundane. To compensate I've ordered a shit load of books so probably just going to read and eat good food/ hibernate in my apartment/ exercise.
When you admit you're not safe even from yourself it really hits home just how fucked up/ how far you have pushed your body's addictiveness by excessive, repetitive hedonism. Over the years the more I've abused the more and more worse I've grew accustomed to/ need if that makes sense?
Dinking even 1 bottle of beer is enough to trigger a bender. I see the outside, albeit cold, to be where the temptation lies with my friends and associates. They are now THE DEVIL! There's a certain feel good factor around the self control side but there's always this thought in my head that plans for occassional dates when I can actually drink and enjoy myself although I don't think this a possibility, just a dream.
*sigh*
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Down to 22mg on my methadone. Started feeling the withdrawals today. I figured 4mg a week was slow enough but maybe not. Idk how long I can go on 3 hours sleep a night
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The new Ghost cities that couldn't get investors might be a good thing.
These towns built in 2015 to look like Italian mediterranean houses centuries ago literally look several hundred years old. Tile is falling off. Foundations are eroding.
Why did Chinese government allow these buildings to pass inspections.
Also these dudes are brave as fuck to be doing this. People go missing in China for publicly putting down the system.
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