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Posts by Malice
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2015-12-22 at 5:02 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition[SIZE=48px]I AM NATURE'S GREATEST MIRACLE!!![/SIZE]
Phenibut and (maladjusted) autism can be a terrifying thing. I was really underdosing the FAA/free amino acid version. I had stopped bothering to weigh out the HCL long before because I took it 3 times a day and one of my microspoons was close enough, and did the same with the FAA, using a spoonfull sublingually to kickstart it, for a faster onset since orally it can take hours to take effect. It's much fluffier.
A mere 300mg seems to have had a powerful effect.
I put a bit of cayenne pepper under my tongue beforehand for the possible effect on vasodilation, but this idea seems much better, I'd love to see the kind results it gets, it should greatly increase the onset and bioavailability, make it an option for things that would normally be unsuitable. Periwinkle extract or a vinpocetine solution: https://www.reddit.com/r/Nootropics/comments/3x0ili/ways_to_increase_sublingual_absorbtion/cy0jcvu -
2015-12-21 at 11:13 AM UTC in I'm in MyanmarThat her family may have to go hungry is a large part of what gives it its joy. Imagine a healthy affluent young White guy doing it and sprinting off, they being powerless to catch him.
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2015-12-21 at 7:08 AM UTC in I'm in MyanmarImagine if you ran by and slapped that bowl off that woman's head.
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2015-12-21 at 7:02 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionTake the UCLA Loneliness Scale test: http://www.tactileint.com/portfolio/uclalone.html
I score 40.
Looking through my sent email folder. This is from years ago:RE:Free Rabbit Manure for COMPOST
Hello sir, I'm considering using this material for a hardcore erotic film. I'm just wondering if you would like to be mentioned in the credits.Nevada City/ Grass Valley area - Feb. 26 to28. Ride offered (berkeley)
Hey, I'm interested in coming along, I have some business in Las Vegas. Now, this is very important, do you have any sort of criminal record? If your record is clean, or at least doesn't have anything serious on it, I'd be willing to pay you about $800 for this trip, for "gas" money(wink wink). All I'm bringing is a duffel bag with my clothes and other personal items and another filled with incense; I'm an incense dealer and I'm making a delivery of some high quality incense to a friend. Now, the incense will probably stink up the car a bit, but if you keep the windows down it won't be that bad.
Are you interested?LOST CALICO CAT (oakland north / temescal)
I know this isn't what you want to hear and I'm very sorry, but I think I may have killed your cat; your description fits perfectly. Please read my entire message before deciding to get angry at me.
It was a complete accident, I wasn't trying to kill your cat. My neighbor has a cat that was driving me insane, you can't imagine the things it did to me, so I will tell you. That cat murdered my child. When my son came home from the hospital it was the most beautiful day of my life, but that cat robbed my child of its life and then desecrated his body. I had put him to sleep in his crib and had left the window open so the room wouldn't get too stuffy. I went down finish styling the beard of one of my clients and when I returned to check up on my son he was dead. I saw him covered in cat hair and a pile of feces and knew what must have happened. My neighbors cat had climbed through the window and laid on my child's face until he suffocated. If that wasn't enough, he later defecated on his body, which left him desecrated.
I tried to get over his death, but it drove me to the point of attempting suicide and it caused so much emotional strain on the relationship between my wife and I that we nearly separated. I would have divorced her if I had known that I would lose her completely, due to that cat. My wife works as a pet caretaker and had gone out to buy a large amount of catnip for her clients cats. Everything went fine until she returned. I had been monitoring the neighborhood park for pedophiles due to reports of a child molester being on the loose, from the crow's nest I installed on my roof, when I noticed my wife was pulling into the drive way. I watched her from my binoculars, I'm not sure why, it was just one of the many things we humans due throughout the day without much of a reason. I then noticed the cat perching on the fence next to my driveway. My wife opened the door and this demon instantly attacked. It seemed to be mad with rage, trying desperately to get to the catnip, like a heroin addict fiending for more of God's Nectar. I watched frozen as the cat tore out her eyes with its claws, the fluid oozing from my wife's eyeballs. She tried to blindly run away, but the cat got in her path and she tripped on it, she banged her head on a garden nome I have that is in the likeness of Papa Smurf, who I aspire to be like, and instantly died. In my desperation I jumped off, desperately trying to reach her, but not thinking of what the fall would do to me. I was left paralyzed from the neck down.
I knew then what I had to do. That cat had taken everything from me. I was filled with a hatred that can only be compared to what a hardcore WoW gamer might feel when they find out their subscription has been canceled(I have seen the effects of this, it is the only thing that reminds me of what I felt after losing everything). After training myself to use my modified Mobility Scooter, which I received free because my insurance claim was rejected due to me also acquiring AIDS after being raped my a janitor while I was recovering in the hospital, I set out on my mission. After countless hours of practicing firing a gun with only my mouth at the shooting range, I was ready. I put on my 3 Wolf Moon Shirt and covered my otherwise naked body and scooter with camouflage grease paint and waited in the trench I had hired a group of children to dig.
It came after 30 days. I spent 30 days in there letting my waste pile up around me and eating the pathetic rations I had of dried Ramen Noodles and Red Bull. I was possessed, I could not, no, would not leave until I had ended it all. It is almost as if our non-existant god had been testing me. The cat walked slowly towards me, right in the line of my Ak-47 that I had added a flux capacitor to. What I didn't notice was did it was preparing to mate with another cat, yours. Right as it pounced onto your cat in order to penetrate it I fired. Cat semen and meat flew threw the air and rained down like the fire of the apocalypse. It was over, but I had spilled innocent blood.
Please, I know this sounds crazy, and it is, maybe I've developed schizophrenia and I imagined all this, but all I know is that I am sitting in a room with the decomposing bodies of my son, wife, neighbor's cat, and a cat that fits the description you wrote perfectly. I pray for your forgiveness, if there's anything, anything at all I can do to make this right, please tell me.
Silly craigslist trolling.
07 sent this to Perverted Justice. I think I was pissed off at them and their self righteousness, the lives they ruined.I'm very confused about something
In many places the age of consent is as low as 13 and 14. Even 1st
world countries like Spain and Japan have the age of consent at 13. On
the show "To Catch A Predator" the decoys are usually said to be
13-15. I'm confused because they're called pedophiles, but in many
countries what they did is perfectly legal and isn't seen as wrong. I
know these men broke the law, but isn't it wrong to force your morals
onto them? I mean, you guys are partially responsible for ruining
their lives. It's not like other countries agree with the U.S.
I'm very conflicted, is it wrong for someone to have sex sex with a
sexually mature teenager or isn't it?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_Europe
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_Asia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of..._South_America
God, you know, thinking about the past, I wasn't always like this. I was always closed off to people, but I used to get out and do stuff, have projects going, even if it was alone, so much more often. It's really been during the last 4 or 5 years that I've really been falling apart. Normally if you have people in your life they may notice, make comments, voice concerns. "Are you okay? You've been going out a lot less lately. You used to be into a lot of things. You seem kind of down lately. You don't seem as happy as you used to be."
I remember distinctly deciding not to value past memories because I saw it as a waste of cognitive resources, they were only shadows of past experiences, things you felt; the kind of odd things you decide when you spend so much time inside your head and are such a strong systemizer. I think that along with the lack of strong memories, which are mainly caused by people, people generally being the strongest evokers of emotion, having low emotionality to begin with, the lack of landmarks in my mind, it made it easier to realize how different the world felt in the past, how much I had slipped.
I remember feeling genuinely happy just participating in close knit communities online. Text on a screen isn't a replacement for actual people in your life, but it did make me feel like I was part of something, give me an outlet for communication. I wonder how much damage it may have prevented, and also how much happier I could have felt with actual people IRL I could relate to. Geez, my worldview ended up so warped that it genuinely felt like there was nothing out there, nothing worth doing. I just became so detached and disillusioned I didn't really think about how differently normal people may have felt, what made them happy, how they found joy in life. -
2015-12-21 at 6:38 AM UTC in Sometimes I think my life is greatI wish I had a family. *sigh*
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2015-12-21 at 4:57 AM UTC in Getting my life together
Do the world a favor,Suffocate you kid and hang yourself.
Trust me you'll feel better.
It's not necessarily something you should feel guilty about, at least the former:
After-Birth Abortion
The pro-choice case for infanticide.
http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/human_nature/2012/03/after_birth_abortion_the_pro_choice_case_for_infanticide_.html -
2015-12-21 at 3:38 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionhttps://vimeo.com/147365861
I imagine this is how I may end up, except it may not be a negative thing, preferring VR to meatspace. I was writing a lot about this before, but imagine if you could have 3D scans of your body done and use it as your avatar/character in VR. There are already devices being developed for tactile feedback, you could even feel like you're touching them, at least something like a pat on the back.Well how has everyone been?
Terrible. For anyone facing the winter blues/seasonal affective disorder, bright light therapy really seems to work. I've noticed a distinct effect around this this time of year, when it starts to get cold, my mood and particularly energy levels take a dip.
I'm going to meet with a psychiatrist on the 23rd. I'm planning to be mostly honest about my situation to make the severity of it clear. It would take hours to explain everything, but an overview of my sad life should be enough. Part of it, an embellished history with psychiatrists and medication, will be designed so I can get Nardil. Will also ask for a rehab program for people in my condition, if there is one, or to be hospitalized, which would also allow them to monitor my response to medication, making them more likely to agree to giving me Nardil. Make it clear that I'm not functioning well, have barely been able to meet basic tasks, and probably shouldn't be living alone. That based on how poorly I've been functioning, how anxious and avoidant I've been in the past, I don't trust myself to work on therapy alone, increasing my chance at referral for something more intensive. An assisted living facility could be sweet, depending on what it's like. Having someone do chores and stuff for me, and it would likely be subsidized.
Sadly I've gotten to the point where I genuinely need this. My writing online doesn't do it justice. People that are absolutely crippled can still write well. I was engaged in enormous self-deception, completely unrealistic view, before I passed the breaking point. God, even if I was a mess, if I had managed to meet with someone I could relate, the closes thing I had to a friend, someone had managed to get through to me and break open my heart, all those years ago, it could have allowed me to begin rapidly recovering and set me on the right path. Now I'm just in the worst position to begin digging myself out.
This is an absolute nightmare and runs deep. A lot of people in the totse community have been to rehab, destroyed their lives through drugs and crime, done incredible damage to themselves. I did the same thing through isolation, closing myself off to everyone, trying go it completely alone in the world. It's not something most people will understand, it will sound melodramatic, like an exaggeration, but it's really one of the worst things you can do to yourself: https://www.reddit.com/r/Nootropics/comments/3u999j/toward_a_neurology_of_loneliness_the_neurological/
You really don't come away from something like without developing abnormally and being damaged. It's my version of rehab, I was addicted to isolation, had the wrong ideas about life. I ended up displaying every symptom of severe depression and social isolation to an extreme extent. -
2015-12-21 at 12:40 AM UTC in Truth be told...
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2015-12-19 at 6:25 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
I don't consume a lot of news media but for whatever reason I was browsing r/sanfrancisco a little while ago (I know you read this sub sometimes malice, you were the first person I've seen link it) and like half the posts were about murders or rapes or random acts of violence. Going off this shit I'd be fucking terrified to step out of my house. Like a day or two ago I was making a greek salad and realized I didn't have feta. I was kinda drunk at the time so I grabbed my wallet and keys and went down to the nearest store a couple of blocks away to buy some. This was at like 1 in the morning and I was wearing an undershirt and jeans (and I look very white in a not-so-white area) and after a block or two of walking I started to feel kinda exposed, lots of drunks and homeless around, the idea of getting mugged was in my mind. I got to the store, bought my cheese, and on the way back I realized I've been mugged twice since moving up (~5 years ago) here which is kinda high relative to friends which has ended up costing me like a grand total of $30 and less than 20 minutes of my life. Like on this one walk, of the two randos who I interacted with, one wished me a happy holidays and the other asked me for spare change. I live in what's considered to be the most "dangerous" neighborhood in SF. This doesn't even approach the level of "danger" people make out like. I guess it's just an issue of not being evolved to deal with numbers, stats, relative probabilities that make exceptional cases of violence seem imminent but it's sometimes amazing how people will blow things out of proportion. But I guess it's not surprising if the media you consume is all about the worst examples of behaviour we can find in our society. I guess it's hard to write a good news article about how yuppie faggots like me can go get fetta at 1 in the morning without issue but it seems legitimately damaging to occupy your cognitive time with the most negative microtesmial portion of occurring events in a given area.
Mugger's wallet: http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Mugger's-Wallet
Maybe a fake decoy phone as well. Not necessarily much of a hassle if you have extra space, a spare pocket with enough room. -
2015-12-19 at 6:21 AM UTC in Why do people commit indecent exposure?I remember some guy on Zoklet writing that he used to walk around after midnight wearing only a pair of shoes and jacking off. Only got caught once, a vehicle stopped with its lights on and he ran. Pretty fucking funny. Also plausible, depending on the area he was in.
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2015-12-19 at 6 AM UTC in I got toni pregnanthttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abortifacient
I hope to god you're trolling. Can you imagine raising a child with your fucked up genes? Statistically, that kid is absolutely fucked and so are the both of you. Research this yourself. Keeping it would be an unbelievably stupid decision that would harm everyone involved, there is no good reason to go through with it. If she can't be swayed by reason, which is common among women, slip it in her food or drink; I would consider it fully justified due to the damage you'd be prevented, how the state can force you to pay child support despite the enormous asymmetry, and the suffering the child will face, who never consented, asked, to be born.
Fuck what the feminists say. "It takes two to make a baby." One person only has to deposit sperm in a vagina, not necessarily having the intention to induce pregnancy, the other has the ability to decide whether to keep it for 9 months while the father has no say, regardless of how foolish the decision is, how bad the circumstances would be for her child, forcing everyone else to contribute to what will almost be guaranteed to be a massive net loss to society throughout life. Emotion, entitlement, female privilege, cultural/societal biases, evolutionary psychology, biological instinct and predispositions/traits. -
2015-12-19 at 5:34 AM UTC in What does your laugh sound like?I can't even remember the lat time I laughed. :(
Being the psychological autistic trainwreck that I am, I wasn't even comfortable making facial expressions/expressing emotion in public/around people, spoke an incredibly small amount, and didn't even feel comfortable speaking loudly, even making sounds that neighbors could hear. When I did laugh it was a silent, the air movements but without vocalization. -
2015-12-18 at 5:37 AM UTC in Dear LannyIf your GF really pregnant? Good god man, I hope she's planning to get an abortion. If not, slip her an abortifacient. Get a vasectomy too, everyone should have one. Read about no scalpel vasectomies, they're quick and recovery is fast nowadays, nothing to worry about, it's a simple procedure; of course there's an innate fear of your genitals being harmed due to evolution, but this is an emotional reaction, not a rational one.
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2015-12-18 at 4:06 AM UTC in ATTN: maliceThank you for giving some thought to my life.
I agree, as I said in the post, I've come to the point where I know where everything went wrong, but I'm still here, the damage has been done, I've still trapped in a biological vessel with natural responses, physical limitations, and in an absolutely nightmarish state, the worst to try work my way out of this from. My writing can give an inaccurate impression, I've literally crippled myself. You should picture someone who's half-way to being bedridden. I was really displaying every symptom of severe depression and social isolation to an extreme degree, propped up by drugs and other interventions, a perfected exercise and diet regimen, until I fell apart and even that wasn't enough. I just had the worst predispositions/traits/behaviors/habits, mentality, the environment I was in, and lifestyle. Overwhelming guilt and regret once I finally realized my mistakes, what went wrong, how I would never get those years of my life back.
Appointment with psychiatrist in 6 days. Unfortunately I genuinely seem to have seasonal affective disorder, which I've noticed has regularly before, in retrospect, which is in full swing now and just made things worse. I think the same thing happened last year around this time, which led me to being fearful enough to finally start my intrarectal parnate + NSI-189 plan, which was enough to keep me going. Not an exaggeration of melodrama, imagine getting to the point where you're so depressed it's permeated every aspect of your being, you can't function, it's gone beyond numbness and anhedonia where it genuinely feels painful to be alive, you're ruminating on thoughts of suicide every hour, depressive repeating thoughts about a wide variety of philosophical/existential concepts, mostly centered around death, negative aspects of life, where you at times you consider calling 911 or walking into an emergency ward, a crisis center, and asking to be admitted because you're afraid of leaving yourself alone and want something to change.
If they recommend I be hospitalized, I may agree just to break up the monotony in my life, so I won't have to be alone, and may derive some benefits from it, despite the flaws; or some other program for people in my situation, if they have it. I think I had just given up on life and was living like I was waiting to die since this year began, but just accepted once and for all that I couldn't keep living like this, I needed to ask for help or I was going to die. I accepted that nothing was going to change until I accepted the need for people in my life, begin to work through the immense internal resistance that had built up over a decade, and deal primarily with my extreme depression and anxiety via the most effective treatments available, begin some sort of rehabilitation program if possible. -
2015-12-18 at 1:51 AM UTC in I dont wanna have a kid cause what if it died or something...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antinatalism
http://childfreedom.blogspot.com/2009/03/top-100-reasons-not-to-have-kids-and.html
Having children is immoral and one of the most selfish things you can do. Read about the research on children and their effect on happiness, it's pretty depressing. We regularly fight against our natural impulses due to the (long-term) harm they can cause or for moral reasons, but with children and motherhood there's this immense cultural bias rooted in evolution (Is There Anything Good About Men goes into this), along with the taboo, all these cognitive biases, creating a greatly skewed and inaccurate perception. Unfortunately due to the traits women have they're much more susceptible to this negative impulse, much less likely to conduct a proper rational analysis, and really, most people just don't have very big dreams, goals in life, or much drive, they aren't particularly intelligent or knowledgeable, haven't achieved much personal development, development of their ideology, their views on life; they just aren't very interesting and so they choose the standard route and pour that boringness into children, creating life just to fulfill their own selfish desires, living for someone else, someone to make them feel needed, to nurture, give them something to live for, some shallow meaning and drive because they couldn't find anything higher than animalistic instinct, to live vicariously through, occupy their time. -
2015-12-17 at 2:27 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
I bet you two fags are jacking off to each other's pictures
https://youtu.be/698FrFpL4WE?t=18s
Oh, Allison. I think I decided to watch the show, which I would never have done otherwise, because xxombie on Zoklet mentioned that "creepy-chan" was on it or something related to that. I've never been into image boards, but it caught my interest. I refused to watch it ever again after she didn't win. I later learned that there was another season, an all star season, that she participated in, but never saw it: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/America%27s_Next_Top_Model_(cycle_17)You faggots have some shitty selfies. Man the fuck up.
http://imgur.com/a/I5HWE
You win. So many people need to see this. -
2015-12-16 at 10:44 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionOh, that was such a good troll.
Is that actually you? Actually bretty cute, kind of an older anthony kiedis vibe (not that the person in that pic looks old, pretty young actually, just anthony kiedis looked pretty different when young).
BTW, did you ever see this? Not the first picture, the second one: http://web.archive.org/web/20140910132904/https://www.zoklet.net/bbs/showthread.php?t=306829 -
2015-12-16 at 10:07 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionAny of y'all niggas ever thought about signing up for clinical trials to try out leading edge treatments?
https://www.clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/search/browse?brwse=cond_cat_BXM&brwse-force=true
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/labs-at-nimh/join-a-study/trials/adult-studies/depression-and-brain-imaging.shtml -
2015-12-16 at 9:19 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionA month ago someone messaged me on Reddit asking for help with acquiring Parnate after seeing one of the posts on it.
>Hi, thanks for your help. I found an international pharmacy that carried it, but attempting to pay via my bank ended up with my checking account suspended over the weekend. I struggle to leave my house except to work and buy groceries. I will try to work up the courage to go a crisis center tomorrow before opting out. Some people draw the short end of the stick; I just guess we aren't all meant to function. Thanks again. Got this today. These are just excerpts:
>Hi, I went to the crisis center and it worked. The doctor didn't ask many questions once prompted. I'm scripted 40mg/day oral TCP and with a month refill; in two months could be up to 60 mg/day with psych-doctor supervision. I had to agree to regular liver screens as well. I've managed to find a reputable online source for TCP and have ordered some as back up in case things don't pan out when I get to my new psychiatrist. I've noticed partial remission from my current dose, but 6x10mg tabs six times a day every three or so hours seems to keep me functional all day as well as keeping my hypo-tension at bay (my blood pressure drops to 90/50 even with caffeine after my last dose). Salt tablets are my current go to otc treatment for now.
Fuck it, may try this myself for Nardil and use a textbook manipulation strategy. Severely depressed, only drug that ever worked, no side effects, but moved and one of the psychiatrists I saw afterward wouldn't prescribe it because of the myths about it and wouldn't listen to me, none of them worked and only made it worse, been on this cycle of for years and feel at the end of the rope, go over the myths, I have a strict diet and never eat any of the restricted foods anyway, or ever eat out, and live right by a hospital, which leads straight to the driveway to the emergency room. -
2015-12-16 at 8:42 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionIt is me. Thank you, that's very flattering. (✿◠‿◠) Have you ever thought about trying out a very feminine look just for fun? Makeup artistry can do amazing things, and you already shave, so you wouldn't have to sacrifice anything. Not wandering outside, although it would be an interesting experience, just having pictures taken of the transformation for internet amusement.
I took a train, Amtrak, followed by one of their buses when I moved to here from LA. At first it was nice, but after a few hours it became miserable. Although, I didn't have anything else to occupy my time, I think, except maybe a book, but that could give me mild motion sickness and I'd eventually ADD out. I wasn't in a particularly good condition, somewhat miserable from having been homeless and a bit malnourished in the interim, but I'm not sure that was the main reason, this reached a rare level of unpleasantness after a certain number of hours. You could get really sick of it, not being able to move around, and have ADD traits that could predispose you to this. Depends on how long it is. You could always 'tiz out if it starts to feel that way.
What about Megabus? They seem pretty nicely designed with good amenities, and are incredibly cheap if you book in advance, $20 round trip from SF to LA. Could be nice if it's a double decker: http://us.megabus.com/