User Controls
Posts by Malice
-
2015-12-26 at 11:40 AM UTC in Sometimes I just wanna...Ultra-violent mentally unstable schizophrenic schizoid autistic socio/psycho-paths. Imagine what a force we could become if we combined our might. Or we would just spend all our time alone in a basement feeling awkward because we have no real social skills, rambling incoherently at one another, doing drugs to drown out our pain, make our existence somewhat bearable, increase our ability to function above what would be a near catatonic state, annoying the hell out of each other, occasionally worrying one of us is going to kill the others in our sleep or simply trying to contain one of their psychotic, sometimes drug induced, episodes.
We must never meet. It could become a self-reinforcing destructive cycle that would consume us all. -
2015-12-26 at 10:18 AM UTC in love is really fucked up
i didnt know you were crippled, i thought you imposed isolation on yourself because you were sick of everyone and their pettiness or some shit.
Well, essentially that was the reason, but I took it to such an extreme that it crippled me: https://www.reddit.com/r/Nootropics/comments/3u999j/toward_a_neurology_of_loneliness_the_neurological/
I'm still trapped in a biological vessel, limited by physical reality. If you're going against eons of evolution, you're probably going to lose. I now regret what I did, accept that it destroyed me and did incredible damage, and wish things had been different. But, hey, what are you gonna do? It happened, may as well try to salvage what I can and make the most of it. -
2015-12-26 at 10:18 AM UTC in love is really fucked up
i didnt know you were crippled, i thought you imposed isolation on yourself because you were sick of everyone and their pettiness or some shit.
Well, essentially that was the reason, but I took it to such an extreme that it crippled me: https://www.reddit.com/r/Nootropics/comments/3u999j/toward_a_neurology_of_loneliness_the_neurological/ I'm still trapped in a biological vessel, limited by physical reality. If you're going against eons of evolution, you're probably going to lose. I now regret what I did, accept that it destroyed me and did incredible damage, and wish things had been different. But, hey, what are you gonna do? It happened, may as well try to salvage what I can and make the most of it. -
2015-12-26 at 9:45 AM UTC in Sometimes I just wanna...Sploo, I just realized something. The father (myself), the son (roshambo), and the holy ghost (you). Triangleism. We complete the (un)holy trinity, the triangle, of autism. We each manifest and channel a distinct aspect of the universal autistic force. This can't be a coincidence.
-
2015-12-26 at 9:17 AM UTC in The sophist hate thread
Sophie why u so mad?
He has anger issues, and quite frankly, Spectral is annoying as fuck. Can you imagine if they met IRL? Aspie rage explosion, like anti-matter and matter colliding. -
2015-12-26 at 9:01 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
Being with a woman who has all her teeth and doesn't smell like shit is a level of class im not used to.
Who is she, PoC? Pray tell.
Listen to your inner voices. Beelzebub, arise!: She must have ulterior motives. She's hiding something, there must be something wrong with her, why else would she be with someone like me? I'm not good enough, she's only going to leave me for someone better and I'll only be hurt again. I'm just going to end up hurting her, engaging in self-destructive behavior, it's better if I push her away, call it off, before it happens. I'm happier alone anyway (liar), women are crazy, they're too much work, this only ends up with people (me) getting hurt. I'm so afraid I'll do the wrong thing, what she's thinking of me, what others think of seeing us together, what her friends, people in her life, might say about me, where all this is headed; I hate being like this, why can't I stop thinking about this, being anxious and on edge...Can I really see myself being married one day, or just with someone for the rest of my life? I'm broken, aren't I? I'll never be able to function, to open up to and really love someone else.
Don't listen to them, PoC. *smears peanut butter on your face for no apparent reason* Remember what I told you, heal.
...
Good god, and I've never so much as held hands, nor found someone I wanted to with. Can you imagine what it would be like for me, if I didn't suicide first and managed to recover/rehabilitate to that point, after everything that has (and hasn't) occurred? My god, imagine if everyone from the old Zoklet community could be made aware of that moment, follow the thread: I, Malice, 2x years, of age, am going to go on a date/lose my virginity for the first time.
Btw, have you ever seen Evangelion? You kind of remind me of Shinji, and I even more so, which is pretty sad, that I genuinely turned out that way and it parallels my internal struggles so well, despite feeling cliche and cringeworthy to think about. It really is a godly anime if you understand (grok), can relate to it and enjoy it, though. It was like a small taste of enlightenment during the teenage years. -
2015-12-26 at 4:33 AM UTC in love is really fucked up
i really dont understand everyones comments in this thread. it seems like you guys all have loving perfect relationships, but i know im not the most fucked up person on this website by a longshot. i dont think its impossible for an ideal relationship to exist, but i think a lot of you are just not seeing the things that im talking about in your own relationships.
What do you look for in people? What kind do you tend to attract? Assortative mating is a reality, so if you aren't a x/10s, in terms of personality, will generally attract similar people.not like in an emo way or anything i mean, its just that when you really think about it, relationships and love are really disgusting. there's two people who are vying for control over the other and the winner eventually gets bored of the other because as time goes on they are more and more confident that they will have that person there no matter what. then once the confidence reaches a certain level, they just use that leverage to hurt the other person on occasion or repeatedly.
Do you do the same thing yourself or do you hold yourself to a higher standard? Unfortunately it's common to be in a position in life where the kind of people you'd like, your ideal partner, may be out of reach. For those in their late teens and early 20s, a good university environment is usually the best choice. Although there are plenty of other ways to find like minded people. Just think, where would you find the right person for you? Where may the go, frequent, IRL or online? OK Cupid can also be a good choice, if you set up a profile properly (have some class, be sincere and forthright about what you desire, the things that really matter to you). It can take time, but the results can be very good, contrary to the negative perceptions many may have, the preconceived notions. In the book The Defining Decade the author noted that a very high proportion of the couples she met who seemed unusually well suited for each other had met online. When utilized properly, it can be a highly effective medium for finding the right person for you, and they could be from all over the world if it's a very rare fortunate instance of what would commonly be described, regardless of the inanity of the concept, as "soulmates", if you're willing to put the effort in to make it work, to at least meet up. -
2015-12-26 at 4:21 AM UTC in I dont wanna have a kid cause what if it died or something...From TRT: You know you're alone when you don't just not celebrate the holidays because you have no one to do so with, but when they genuinely don't feel any different than any other day.
There genuinely is no difference from any other day. That's how alone I am. It's been like this for...a very long time. -
2015-12-26 at 4:17 AM UTC in Sometimes I just wanna...It's amusing, from a detached simplistic point of view, but know what you're getting into.
When you don't know why this is occurring and your reality begins to break down and become so distorted, you aren't prepared for and familiar with the psychedelic experience, things can go very wrong. There are so many myths about psychedelics, I'm fully aware of that and have a deep understanding of them, such as the classic story of someone ending up in an institution thinking they're a glass of orange juice, that's not what I'm referring to. Something like that can seriously fuck up people for life, give them PTSD, other symptoms they have to deal with for a very long time. Thinking you're rapidly going insane and freaking out in public. Or, some people just aren't the kind that should use psychedelics, they have certain traits, mentalities, predispositions, things that occurred in their life which could be brought to the surface, and when something like that comes out of nowhere, it could shatter them.
Hate to be a kill joy, I would never have thought I'd be the kind to post something like this when I was younger, but you really can end up with some serious charges and doing much more damage than you intended. Drugging people without consent isn't a joke. For example, I'm planning to go on an MAOI long-term, and if someone dosed me with MDMA as a joke it would literally kill me, or at least do permanent/semi-permanent damage if I didn't get to an ER very quickly (or if I didn't carry the treatment on me). At best it would still have been a life threatening event.
As for the latter idea, it reminds me of an idea Habanero/Midnight Sun said he was going to do and possibly record, "sherming" people or giving them "sherm sticks", cigs laced with high doses of the syncans he had bought in bulk to make a blend with. Something like that might be funnier and less likely to go wrong.
Also, if you did decide to go through with the psychedelic idea, DMSO is what you want. You could just drop or squirt it onto them (small (needleless) syringes work well for this) and they may not even notice. -
2015-12-26 at 4:01 AM UTC in A random list of 100 TOTSE usernames, and one question.
pics….or it didnt happen
i remember that dude from totse-1 and he was so full of shit it was dribbling out of his ears by the bucket full
People change. He seems like a really nice guy now. He's in the medical field now, earning around 90K a year in New Mexico, IIRC, somewhere around that area, which is pretty good particularly once you take into account the cost of living. He also had a pretty sweet schedule, only 3 12 hour days a week.
I remember him saying I reminded him of a younger angstier version of himself. One of the few that really sympathized with my constant postings on depression in TRT when I was going through the worst of it, and offered to help. -
2015-12-26 at 1:12 AM UTC in I dont wanna have a kid cause what if it died or something...Honestly, having children is one of the most selfish things you can do. It's done purely to satisfy their own selfish desires. You bring someone into the world who had no need to come into existence so you can have something to nurture, to feel needed, have company, someone waiting for you, to experience life vicariously through. Something that's going to consume immense resources, contribute to depleting resources and pollution, overpopulation (the world likely doesn't need your genes), and then many of them have the gall to believe they're entitled to forcing others to subsidize them, enacting "think of the children" policies limiting the freedom of others to give themselves a perceived sense of security. "I'm not selfish for wanting to force others to pay for my choice to have children and abide by policies centered around their benefit, you're selfish for not wanting to go along with my plan." The entitlement and victimhood generation, convince a generation they're actually owed things and watch them ravenously demand, and attack those who interfere.
And the process is incredibly egocentric. Other than satisfying the selfish desires I listed above, they feel they have to be children with their specific genes, when there are so many unwanted and needy children already? It's standard animalistic instinct; and of course if you try to have a rational discussion most will be incapable of it or they'll attempt to cast you as some sort of monster for not going along with their emotion driven poorly thought out romanticized notions of love, marriage, followed by a house and children. Just go with the feelings, don't think things out, as if we don't constantly hold back and go against our natural instincts, which would have destructive effects (overeating, violence, sex, laziness etc?). But in this case there's a strong evolutionary basis for why it's so universally sanctified among human cultures, free from criticism, romanticized. So no one is allowed to say anything, there's no room for impartial rational discussion, warranted criticism; if you do say anything, watch out, see what kind of reaction you get. There are so many children with developmental disabilities, disorders, who will go through a lifetime of suffering, be a net loss on the advancement of humanity, regardless of what their parents would like to believe; there's such a high chance that even if they do do everything right their children won't turn out the way they want them to be, it won't be anywhere near the idealized image they imagined. Jonathan Haidt had a talk about science denial along the basis of political ideology, and how leftists deny science as well due to having sanctified core bases of their ideology, equality being the key factor here, so the idea that innate differences, genetics, can play a significant role is made into taboo, treated gingerly at most, only allowed to be discussed to a very shallow extent, with enormous myths and misconceptions created. The concept of the "environmental" factor is widely misunderstood, it's the non-shared component that accounts almost entirely for this, and we don't have a clear idea of what this entails. That and much of what was previously categorized as being environmental as opposed to hereditary is often later shown to have simply been missed hereditary factors. Of course the social sciences are a complete mess, there's so much bias, publication and institutional bias, and it leads to graduates with some of the most blatantly unwarranted senses of their own intelligence and knowledge. Enlightened by 21/22 syndrome, once they reach the top of their parochial environment, bam, they have the world figured out, put them in charge, their friends, someone they like, whose views they identify with/share, and they could fix everything.
Back to the egocentricity of the process, think of how others react. The pregnancy announcement, the announcement, the constant reactions and attention, the fixation, throughout, the baby shower, then the birth, childhood. Just look at people's fucking facebook's, completely revolved around their kids as if there aren't literally millions in their age range, this hasn't occurred countless times throughout history. Oh yeah, you've totally retained your identity, they don't identify. Stay at home moms, their social groups, meetings, now revolving around their children and other parents. Just listen to what the mombies talk about. Oh yeah, you're totally staying up to date with events, continuing your self-development and knowledge, as if there was much depth and uniqueness to begin with. Absolutely brilliant, insightful, in-depth discourse. As if there aren't so many problems in the world, so much to focus on, and instead you needlessly bring into existence a life that didn't need to exist, something that could live a life of suffering, whose joy only satisfies a need that didn't need to exist, who will ultimately amount to nothing, be faced with the questions of life, the multitude and multifaceted, complex, problems of the world, of living beings, conscious existence, and human society, of the nature of consciousness, existence, the idea of the self, ultimately grappling with the horror of the finality of existence, which is generally dealt with through avoidance and logical fallacies. All that time and effort, all those resources, going to your own selfish need, when they could have been spent to help so many others. For the price of a first world child throughout their life, how many third world children could be saved? And it's not just children, you should be aware of how many charities focused on various aspects of the world there are, how many problems there are in the world. Are you aware of the concept of opportunity costs, you animalistic ditsy bimbo breeding fucks? And we're the selfish ones?
And for who will say, "If everyone thought life you we would be extinct." or talk about how they're raising the next generation of workers, investing (and forcing others to invest) in those who will keep economies going, that every genius, every person who made major contributions to the world, had to have been born and had a mother/parents, I say; do you honestly expect me to believe that this is what you had in mind, the greater good of the world, when you decided to have children? Explain to me why exactly the human race needs to continue to exist. But that question will seem so absurd, so beyond their capacity to grapple with, to properly analyze and give an intelligent well thought out coherent answer to, that you have almost no hope for this being anything other than fruitless.
Let me state this clearly:
[SIZE=48px]FUCK MOTHERS!!!
[SIZE=12px][SIZE=14px]*makes the gesture of the fig with both hands pointed toward the heavens* "To the mothers of the world, I give these solely to you! And fuck the poor male saps that are dragged into this, especially the ones that actively desire it, as well. But particularly the women.[/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE]
Vasectomize the hell out of yourself kolokol, eliminate any chance of this horror, this mistake, ever occurring, as soon as possible. Even if you ever do desire to have children and go through the biological process, there are sperm and egg donors so you can select from to ensure you have the highest quality genetics, the best chance at the genetic roulette, possible. Of course if you bring up, attempt to discuss this idea, with most people, emotion driven women in particular who have a poor innate grasp of rationality, poorly developed mental architecture, you'll be treated as I described above, some emotionless monster devoid or romance who's attempting to create some grotesque science experiment. Even for adoptions, oxytocin, intranasal shots during the introductory bonding period, or even better, which may be available in the future, oxytocin receptor agonists, superior drugs that trigger release or increased production. There's a good chapter in Future Imperfect, highly recommended, related to this and love. The nootropic/transhumanist/biohacking communities have excellent information on this.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1337725/Doctors-DIY-vasectomy.html
This is the perfect variation available, I'd highly recommend it if available. Hell, take a trip out of the area if it's not, it's worth it as a lifelong investment. Fairly painless, very fast, safe, relatively affordable even out of pocket compared to the lifelong benefit, the cost of a child or even total cost (including psychological, damage done to your life/well-being) or a pregnancy scare abortion, of never having to worry again. Take an anxiolytic beforehand, etizolam is cheap and readily available, maybe even an opiate, to make it even easier, the time will seem to go by so much faster.
I'm thinking about documenting the entire process, exactly what you have to do from start to beginning, what you go through, to make it easier for others.
During early highschool my highest dream was quite honestly the extermination of the human race, and I was serious about it. I didn't have childish ideas of a doomsday device, I won't go into specifics because it's a very ugly subject, but I recall reading someone stating something along the lines that we're fortunate Theodore Kaczynski, AKA The Unabomber, wasn't a bioengineer or some related theory, didn't have a background in the design/modification of bacterial/viral organisms. I changed my views because I enjoy the creations of humanity and would prefer such as world for my own selfish gain, and see a technological singularity, the creation of AI, as the ultimate goal, but still wouldn't be opposed to the concept of voluntary extinction: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voluntary_Human_Extinction_Movement
I've wondered in the past if this is the answer to the Fermi Paradox, that AIs find no reason to continue to exist, if they can be said to have had existed or had a concrete concept of the self to begin with, and essentially commit "suicide". -
2015-12-25 at 10:22 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
I never asked for this. I don't want to be a part of this goddamn world.
I could always be wrong and one day may feel differently, so I can still go on, for now. But *scowls* lord do I dislike this world... -
2015-12-25 at 6:10 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionI wonder what percentage of people are just kept alive by the fear of death. If we didn't have that immense innate fear, resistance, what would the suicide rate be? We'd have to depend on reason, knowledge.
-
2015-12-25 at 4:31 AM UTC in playing russian roulette with my lifeMainly mild dopaminergic, good for concentration/focus. https://newmind.com/4-pmpd-77.html
-
2015-12-25 at 2:52 AM UTC in Reverse pickpocketingPositive pregnancy tests.
-
2015-12-25 at 1:07 AM UTC in playing russian roulette with my lifeTried some sublingually, felt pretty caustic. A skin layer ended up dying and peeling off. Based on this, intranasal sounds very worrisome. How does your nose/sinus cavity feel?
-
2015-12-25 at 1:05 AM UTC in love is really fucked up
don't you just sit at home and not talk to anyone?
Yeah, I'm currently crippled. Is the world out there really that bad? Or if you're referring to development, is it really so difficult to change your behavior, to hold yourself and adhere to a higher standard? -
2015-12-25 at 1:01 AM UTC in Anyone know what happened to Casper?Last activity 2-1/2 months ago. Tried to reach him on the email and phone number he gave me before Zoklet shut down. Last I heard he was off heroin and on methadone, still depressed; a pretty high risk time in life considering how massive his use was and the general state of his life.
Hopefully he didn't end up dying before I could reach him. -
2015-12-24 at 10:05 AM UTC in What would you do with this?I recall coming across a reddit thread with some discussion of positive pregnancy tests. Really fucked up, people selling them to women who would use them to scam for abortion money.
Anyways, others mentioned leaving them lying somewhere in sight at parties, people's houses, which could lead to massive drama/gossip. Fuck your 10 word limit. -
2015-12-24 at 10:01 AM UTC in love is really fucked up
What you described is really foreign to me. Now, Ive had an unhealthy 10 year relationship, he probably was doing something like this, but what I always wanted was a partnership. I dont want to control anyone, nor be controlled, but I want to work together for the things in life we both want, and compromise when we dont agree. I see the partnership as fulfilling two roles; 1.) You can accomplish nore together than apart. 2.) Companionship and nurturing. Both people should enjoy each other enough to go with it, and genuinely enjoy their time together, and both people should positively support and encourage each other through tough times, with projects the other may be working on, and help them accomplish things they may need help with. Maybe this is an idealistic view but that is what a healthy relationship should be.
That shouldn't be idealistic, unrealistic, at all. It sad that most people are so undeveloped they never reach the point where this is realistic for them.