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Posts by The Self Taught Man

    1. Whip out phone.
    2. Record the chimpivity.
    3. Toss it on YouTube.
    4. ???
    5. Profit!
  1. Welcome to my class. Today we will be teaching sex magik.

    The first thing you are to do is forget everything you ever learned about sex magik and embrace my teaching as sanctimonious. Have you forgotten it all? Are you sure? Good. Let us begin. Follow this schedule to the letter. DO NOT skip days. DO NOT skip ahead.

    [SIZE=24px]First Seven: Vaginaisis[/SIZE]
    [FONT=arial]Squat in such a way as the knee bends to an acute angle whereas the angle denoted by the points of the knees and genitals is obtuse. This is a sacred sexual geometry stance. Use it with reserve and respect its power. Once you are in position begin the visualization. Visualize your seven chakras. If you dont know what they are google it. All i will say is the very top of the head is the crown chakra and the root chakra resides at the bottom of your feet. Visualize these chakras as vaginas. Alternatively if you dont like vaginas you may figure them to be mouths, anuses what have you. Anyway, the essential idea is to visualize you chakras as penis receptacles. It take over twenty one sessions to accomplish the vaginal chakra visualization for an extended time in the given position, any more than that many sessions and you are wasting your time and you simply do not have the gift. Prepared and determined students can complete this phase in Seven days. Only three followers have accomplished the task in three days. Note: no earthly being has been able to accomplish the task in less than 14 hours of visualization but one Grand Master called Guro Gime dUh'Dik is preported to have accomplished the 14 hours in one straight shot. Be warned, this is not for the faint of heart. It is believed many spirits of sexual oritentation resided in and were destined to reside in dUh'Dik long before his conception.[/FONT]

    [SIZE=24px]Then Three: Phaliexodix[/SIZE]
    At this point you are ready to gather sexual energy. Imagine each chakra being filled with phallic force. Feel the forceful penetration of each chakra by the astral sex energy. Each thrust of the penile projection enriches your being. Begin the excercise slowly at first. It is dangerous and unwise to unlesh the cosmic cock cluster upon your chakras at full force as a beginner. A first interaction with this force would be to simply give it a place to rest its head. The workings of astral sex demons is probably beyond you so I will spare you the details but if things are going well on the third session of opening your chakras to the sexual posessor it will unleash a sticky resin that covers your chakras. When you feel the spirit semen fill your void finish the ritual however you enjoy and part ways with demonic dildo daddy. Assure him you will call.

    [SIZE=24px]Next Two: Doodgetoffame[/SIZE]
    Preform the ceremony as you have but do not invite the cosmic cocks to plunder your astral orifices. You will notice that since your last encounter, when your chakras became coated in the seminal solution of the Celestial Testicles, your chakras have come to a near hermaphroditic state. Sure you imagine them to be vaginas but from the vagina a cockling takes root. The tiny phalic plant will need your assistance to grow to its full potential. Concentrate on your chakra vagina dicks absorbing the resin they are coated in. Each dribble of resin grows the stem in length and girth. Visualize an even distribution of chakral vagina to chakral penis.Once the entirety of the deposit made by the cosmic cock cluster is metabolized you may take a break.
    The second ritual is to begin in the same manner as all of them. This time the phallic force should be felt firmly attempting to impose its will upon you. The thing about astral sex demons is they cant stay away. And the moment they see you working on yourself they will attempt to intervene. You see only the seed of the Celestial Testicle may spawn a Sexorcer. By accepting the seed of the Celestial Testicle through the vessel that is the demonic dick dom you yourself have become a Sexorcer. Now that you are a Sexorcer the only way you will lose your power is through the defilement of your most sacred flower brought about by a second deposit into your sacral womb. Do not succumb to the temptations of the celectial cock cluster pressing upon the tight lips of your well lubricated chakral vaginas. YOU WILL LOSE ALL YOUR WORK. By the end of this session the astral phallus has departed and your own vagiophalic spirit self reigns supreme. Oh yeah. Somewhere in Phaliexodix you were supposed to merge conciousness with your vagina chakras. Anways, you have essential gone super-sexual-sayan by entering the concious state of the vagiophalic spirit self. The awesome thing about this self is that it is the plane that bitches like cleopatra, queen horsefucker of russia, and marylyn monroe reside. All of histories slutties bitches. You could literally fuck the Whore of Babylon, she is a total slut. And you get to fuck them all. The only thing is that you have to do it through the vagiophalic spitit self. This is accomplished by attatching it to another spirit on the astral plane. Some call it astral rape. I call it progress. Either way, I should have told you about this in the previous part because now this section is about twice as long as all the others.

    [SIZE=24px]Last One: Summations[/SIZE]
    Now you can use this power whenever you want. Enjoy fucking bitches on the astral plane. Remember that paternity suits are still a thing there so if you dont trust your partner bag up. Spiritual STDs are fucking horrible. Dont hook up with the first astral sex demon you meet. A lot of them are dirty wanna bees who come way too fast even though they have masturbated three times already and now you get no Celestial Testicle resin. If you know which sexual demon you want to evoke you can seek them out just don't be surprised if they turn you down. Spirit politics is actually a pretty big thing and for some of these guys lineage is everything. Other than that have fun and be safe.
  2. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3526810/
  3. As per answer and poll for hardmode

    Poll: And why is it not on netflix
  4. pm 4 prices
  5. A. make a poopy theme
    B. implement poopy theme
    C. >>>>>>>>
    D. stinky funds incoming
  6. Note: Unlike traditional psychedelics, you never learn anything from bundy

    QUALITY
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  7. No they deserve deportation
  8. What do you do? watch? leave?


  9. Don't you wish you could be like this?
  10. It fucks you up so badly it reduces your IQ to single digits. For example, one time I made a thread on Zoklet wondering if I took enough bundy to trip, I peaked a few hours later and tried to describe my trip in the thread

    The post was "gufj"
  11. Lanny your the most intelligent idiot I've ever come across. When that lawyer has to pay more for everything he buys because min wage is 15/hour do you think he will eat it or raise his rates to compensate?
  12. Nah, it's part of the ritual, walking to 15 different pharmacies to buy cough syrup as to not look suspect on a sunny spring day, getting turned down by half of them because you go there constantly or because your dad told them to stop selling you cough syrup even though you're an adult, then picking up a 1.50 bottle of tropicana white grapefruit juice for enzyme inhibition, drinking it on the way home while collecting decently sized cigarette butts. Then you go into your kitchen with your speakers and laptop, blasting "I Don't Want To Grow Up" through the open windows to let all of your neighbors know you're about to trip on dissociatives. You push the 16 coricidin pills out of the foil, organize them into neat little groups of four to swallow at once with the remaining grapefruit juice, then uncap the bottle of maximum strength Robitussin, keeping your face away from the bottle as to not activate the gag reflex, exhaling deeply, and downing the 4oz bottle in one gulp. 840mg of bundy down the hatch. After about twenty minutes my stomach begins to hurt a bit, and I start slouching kinda relaxed, over the next two hours tracers and a glowing aura in the vision starts to form.. it becomes increasingly harder to read or understand what you"re doing, or keep your eyes open. Then you either spent the next 6 hours completely braindead retarded unable to use your keyboard or understand what the word "The" means, sort of like you downed a 48 pack of beer in ten seconds, or the exhaustion overcomes you and you lay down with your eyes closed in the dark, what are first mild closed eye visuals quickly morph into complex three dimensional figures and your soul leaves your body to interact and fly alongside these complicated objects multidimensional objects that transcend time and space. Then you come down a bit, open your eyes, think "wow that was fucking cool", then you watch the room spin for another 6 hours unable to comprehend the cartoons on the TV because you're processing images at one frame a minute, then you get hypomanic for a day, then the day after that you're just zoned out. It's a beautiful ritual and this exact same thing happens every single time I do it.

    Note: Unlike traditional psychedelics, you never learn anything from bundy
  13. I live in the capital of Canada. I guess you could call it a big city. It's in northern Canada. We're real life Nutmen up here.

    FTFY
  14. tl/didn't scare
    TLNF
  15. Air raid alarm horn thingy from silent hill.

  16. My highest dose was like 1680mg at once, which I did twice. I was all like "lol I'm in a coma" for a few dozen hours, seizured at one point, then I had continuous stage 1 sleep for another few days, then my vision was strobing for about a week afterwards.
  17. DFG
    Bornkiller
    Slartibartfast
    Chippy
    RemadE
  18. All the western governments are now owned and operated by corporate terrorists. They have manufactured the Muslims into the boogeyman so they can garner support from the masses to continue their warmongering, crimes and mass murders in the middle east and take over that area. They committed 9/11 and the London bombings, and they also setup this false flag operation in France. They supplied ISIS with guns, training, bombs, tanks, missiles and hard cash. They bombed all the Muslims out of their homes knowing they would all want to come here, then opened the borders knowing the majority of the western people would hate them and support the illegal wars the corporate terrorists are driving and profiting immensely from, and also let them take away their rights and freedoms under the pretense of security from the very boogeymen they themselves created. And they are using the people's own tax dollars and the people's own media mouthpieces to pull it all off. The corporate terrorists' goal is to control the entire planet and turn all of its inhabitants into slaves.
    For the first time ever I have to kind of agree with you.
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