Posts by The Self Taught Man
2020-05-11 at 10:29 PM UTC in The Recovery Thread (The Other TRT)
Originally posted by CASPER Thanks man. That means a lot. Like…i intellectually acknowledge ive improved a lot. And im also a terminal realist. Wishful thinking just doesnt become me. i have to acknowledge that there are some pretty major physical and logostical limitations now. Like im turning 32 pretty soon. Could i take out a loan and start law school this year? Yeah probably. But id be almost 40 before i finished, and be massively in debt. I jst feel like I dont have the luxury of making some of the choices id want to make. Could i move out right now and would it i prove my mental state? Itd be really difficult but i could pull it off. But now that my moms been unemployed for 2 years, and is almost 70, i feel like i cant leave her here. All the years she put up with my bullshit, it seems irresponsible to just let her fend for herself.
I feel like a prolific guitar player who has an arm amputated. Sure you can say “one day ill be able to play again”. But youll never be anything near what you were. And if what you were is something fundamentally important to you. Is a new life of compromise and incompleteness worth living to you?
Im not even like….”sad depressed” anymore. Im just exhausted. And im 31. I cant imagine feeling this broken down and numb if i were 70.Theres just no inputs. Nothing interests me. Nothing feels worth it. Every day is groundhog day. I forget what day it is. What time it is. I forget laundry in the washer and it mildews. I forget I was hungry a d theres shit burning in the oven. I forget im behind the wheel of the car for a split second. I dont feel like ME. “Me” just feels like a little animal in the cave of my head, and all my muscles and bones and ligaments are just this tightly wound fraying cord and wet, heavy blankets stapled into the meat of my shoulders and back and legs.
I have noimmediate plans to do anything. Theres a little toxic spark of hope that always has me think that i can work my way out of any situation. That no matter how bad something gets, i can always game way way through it. But im starting to learn that its not the case. I gave Malice shit bc i felt like he didnt try enough to make things better. So at least im trying. Even though I really dont feel like trying. If nothing else,just being a little bit more of the person i want to be, and less and less of who I was. But i acknowledge that life is chaos and things dont work according to how we think they should and sometimes things just dont get better. I dont think anyone should feel some moral obligation to stay needlessly suffering if theres no need to. Ofc theres the animal anxiety and wanting to stay conscious as long as possible, but objectively theres nothing more special about this hunk of meat and any other.
I wish I could give you a big momma bear hug and go for a really long walk, which wouldn’t seem long at all while we came up with realistic goals and an action plan to get you moving forward in the direction that’s best for you. I think you are worth it. I also believe I could help you help yourself and in turn It would help me too.
You are a gem! You just gotta get in the hands of people who know your true worth. I mean that literally.
2020-05-11 at 9:14 PM UTC in 🍬🍬Candy~Land🍬🍬
2020-05-11 at 9:08 PM UTC in 🍬🍬Candy~Land🍬🍬You know why ... because I keep forgetting REAL here has no place.
2020-05-11 at 9:06 PM UTC in 🍬🍬Candy~Land🍬🍬I'm stone cold sober ... Why I bother defending myself is beyond me.
2020-05-11 at 8:33 PM UTC in 🍬🍬Candy~Land🍬🍬
Originally posted by CandyRein I have no idea what you’re talking about stoppffs.. I’m simply pointing out .. one you are in a glass house
Saying “ I’m asking for this attention” when you have yourself
Left in a rage … because of getting too much attention
Not asking you to stroke anything…and you just wanted to call me that slur with no reason Luv lol
YOU are DELUSIONAL - You did not understand one thing I tried to convey today. You turned everything into you being victimized, so you had an excuse to be a NIGGER and divulge a private conversation.
2020-05-11 at 8 PM UTC in 🍬🍬Candy~Land🍬🍬So Candy now I'm suppose to continually stroke your ego, only talk about rainbows and unicorns, and cotton candy fluff
Thanks for sharing a very private conversation though. I guess we are even? SMDH ... yeah now I'm pissed, but thank you for showing your nigger
2020-05-11 at 7:53 PM UTC in 🍬🍬Candy~Land🍬🍬I'm not coming at you at all WTF? Ewwwwww.
2020-05-11 at 7:52 PM UTC in 🍬🍬Candy~Land🍬🍬My bad ... I'm on my lap top and don't have emoticons and whatnot to show my emoti stuffs :)
2020-05-11 at 7:50 PM UTC in 🍬🍬Candy~Land🍬🍬
2020-05-11 at 7:42 PM UTC in 🍬🍬Candy~Land🍬🍬
2020-05-11 at 7:40 PM UTC in 🍬🍬Candy~Land🍬🍬
Originally posted by CandyRein He has 0 business in peoples inbox asking about me or trolling me with lies out here.. that’s that lol
lol ... why because you are special and untouchable LMAO - You post on a god damn website called Niggasin.Space for god sakes
You wanted his attention! Well, you got it.
2020-05-11 at 7:35 PM UTC in 🍬🍬Candy~Land🍬🍬Every single person who posts on these forums is here for attention!
Otherwise we would be posting on a blog
2020-05-11 at 7:34 PM UTC in 🍬🍬Candy~Land🍬🍬True that as well!
2020-05-11 at 7:32 PM UTC in 🍬🍬Candy~Land🍬🍬
Originally posted by CandyRein She’s probably on the singing app..
I just can’t get over this guy in everyone’s inbox inquiring about me.. that’s something else…wow lol
Oh come on now Candy .... The behind the scenes shit is on every forum. Honestly, can you review all of your own private messages from forums and say with a clear conscience that you have never talked or uttered the name of another poster in those messages?
on every forum resides shit stirrers, Trolls, pathological liars, gossipers, mentally ill, convicts, working girls, scammers, spammers, and everything in between.
Octavian is NO MAN ... the way I see it, there is a serious lack of real men here at all.
2020-05-11 at 7:16 PM UTC in 🍬🍬Candy~Land🍬🍬Where ever heather is ... bad shit happens, just sayen.
2020-05-11 at 2:19 PM UTC in The flip side of the NIS mind setAny moron can build a bonfire from a burning bush in a forest ....
2020-05-11 at 2:17 PM UTC in The flip side of the NIS mind set
2020-05-11 at 1:05 PM UTC in Random ThoughtsThe feeling I get when people stop their car just to say how much they like what we have done to our house ... and they haven't even seen the inside, which is the best! I dunno, it's just really special. It makes me want to cry ... good tears. It's an overwhelming feeling. So much so, it scares me. I don't know why.
2020-05-11 at 12:37 PM UTC in Petition to submit a pull to ban wariatNO, this is not the solution to the problem.
2020-05-11 at 12:34 PM UTC in What a View
Originally posted by Cathay Coof catbox.moe and then put in the img tag manually or using the editor buttons (which need to be turned on in the settings in your profile).
I'm not in the best frame of mind at this very moment .. so this may be the cause of me not understanding this: or using the editor buttons (which need to be turned on in the settings in your profile)
but I also do not want to store images either. If I did I would sign up for imgflip