hey
I just sneezed 8 times in a row. New personal record. I always want to hit 8 but I usually SNUFF OFF at around 5. then i force 6 and really have to force 7. but i got 8 this time. WOO HOOOOOO
by the way mothers day is coming up and unlike you fools asking for what to give you moms like sexual massages and sexual bird baths i personally am going to give my mother one of the coolest and best gifts a mother could ever ask for: A SCAVENGER HUNT
I'm gonna make a series of notes that lead her to different places and then when she gets to the end its gonna be me sitting at a booth at the fanciest restaurant in town with a big juicy steak waiting for her.
that's the plan.
thanks
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2023-05-09 at 4:21 AM UTC
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Unban well hung
you better uh KNOT mention that again. I think that's the song my upstairs neighbor listens to every night from midnight to 4am. the bass lines up.
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2023-05-08 at 1:50 PM UTC
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Decided to change teams
You should join my team. We need one more player to play outfield. You don't get to bat because I'm the designated all time batter but you can take pretend swings in the on-deck circle as if you were actually at bat.
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Originally posted by CandyRein
Bout to go kick it like Bruce Lee ❤️
that's my dad's name. lol
he's dead but that's his name.
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2023-05-08 at 4:56 AM UTC
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This Sunay's Confession
im a hot bachelor on the market just saying
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2023-05-08 at 4:55 AM UTC
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This Sunay's Confession
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Everything has a role even at the molecular level. I'm fulfilling some stupid role is why I exist still I guess. My role will be to die at some point. Which then, Iiiiiii still might exist. What is even existence ??????????
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Originally posted by General Butt.Naked
Oh yeah n there was a girl i graduated hs with there. Shes a mommynow n i wasnt trying to be weird or anything but it felt good when i sang the first line and she went WHAT THE FUCK n stood up on her chair n started filming from the back.
Nthen everyone clapped n i got the nobel prize for best cock
And some poor fella had to mop up the SEA of vaginal juices after your performance amirite
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Originally posted by CandyRein
Chilln in a big comfy chair until it’s time to go .., I worked a different wing than usual tonight and it went by so smoothly because I wasn’t with my usual people I’ve spoiled rotten ❤️
When I think of a big comfy chair I think CHAIRY from Pee wees playhouse. Remember that fucker? CHAIRY? I love it.
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I'm coming over with some wood. Stay put.
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Hey hey hey easy now. What if he went back in time to not become gay but rather to become a deeply closeted gay man?
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Originally posted by WellHung
Please firmly grasp my testicles and squeeze them until I scream in a blood curdling fashion
your juicy plump cock is too much for me to handle.
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Originally posted by CandyRein
Sailing into Saturday ❤️
Such an empath
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2018-06-15 at 8:13 PM UTC
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Later
That's the wrong bus don't get on.
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Grimace,
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BeigeWarlock,
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WE SMOOTH,
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aldra,
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hydromorphone,
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Lanny,
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xy0,
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Manonfire,
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CandyRein,
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HTS,
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IWD,
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The Self Taught Man,
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the man who put it in my hood,
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trippymindfuk,
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RIPtotse
2023-04-13 at 9:44 PM UTC
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Sophie's best moments
True but that was actually her yawning right when I tried to take a picture of her sleeping.
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2023-04-13 at 9:39 PM UTC
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Sophie's best moments
Originally posted by frala
Rude
Here's a fresh one off the cut
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2023-04-13 at 9:31 PM UTC
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Sophie: Where are you?
im lala's god father so it doesnt even matter what happens to her daughter if they take her away, it'll be to me, and then ill just give her right back.
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2023-04-13 at 9:10 PM UTC
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booDAN ( boudin ) sauseege
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Originally posted by General Butt.Naked
just drove home from the bar with my coworker. We get to in intersection and theres a dude with his arms out like trying to get hit by my car and i start filming bc 1) ineed to cover my ass and 2) i just found it entertaining. I start honking n roll down the window n im like BRO YOU GOTTA GET OUT OF THE STREET. Then while im filming im like……”Does this dude have cerebral palsy.”
Yes. yes he does.
i get out of my car to try to get him to get from in front of my car and i realize oh shit this dude is mad disabled n covered in scabs. I try to tell him hes gonna get hit by a car and i want him ti be safe and he wants crying in Walt, Jr voice I HOPE THEY KILL ME ITD BE BETTER THAN THIS I JUST WANT TO GO HOME.
In my head im like nigga im 8 whiskeys 2 beers and 2 pancake shots deep and if i had to walk a straight line toe to toe right now you and i would prolly score the same. Long story short some other guy stopped behind us and relented to drive the dude home and i gave guy some gas money but the real tragedy was the dude harshed by buzz but my coworker and i discussed how we nasically saved this dudes life so i cracked a canned margarita and put on some appropriate music for the ride home and henstarted crying laughing
GOD BLESS YOUR HEART. I loved this post I just wanted you to know that. Do you have the video or what? Lesgo
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2023-04-13 at 8 PM UTC
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I just bailed on a funeral
I wanna go to a funeral and Boooo the pastor or whatever if it's at a church. "booooring!" And just huck a bunch of tomatoes at it.
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