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Posts by CASPER
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2019-03-10 at 5:57 AM UTC in General ChatJack Shit. Getting some laundry done. Might go to the bar and do some karaoke.
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2019-03-10 at 3:04 AM UTC in What are you doing at the momentThinking. Drinking. Making plans to to stuff. FAFSA paperwork. Looking up doctors to my blood work done. Thinking about what will. Make me happy. About ways to not fall into old patterns. Making amends to old friends, and cutting off social fat where necessary. Realizing Bukowski was a drunk contrarian asshole who I would've loved when I was 18, but who I would've probably spit on today.
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2019-03-10 at 2:19 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: I'm Leaving Forever Edition*More solidarity contribution*
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2019-03-10 at 1:08 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro EditionYeah I'm reading through the "partners" thread on that site right now. God I just want to give them all a hug. Our brains are collaborators and conmen. When you're mentally ill, you have to treat your own thoughts like the enemy. I get it. I've been there. I wanted to do a huge post over these, but I'd probably just get banned for being "pro life". I have no doubt plenty of people have it worse than I do, but I've seen some shit. And I may spiral down again and get strung out and finally dig up the glock and catch that faggotty, no-balls, weepy victim midnight train to Georgia. But I stuck it out because I was too much of a pussy to go through with it, and addiction left me with too animal an instinct to concern myself with thoughts much higher than getting a fix. And now I feel better. And it scares me how easy it was to fall into that. I still don't know what changed. Nothing is too different. But life goes on, shit changes. Sometimes even really fucked up people get better.
I think everyone has the right to end their own life if it becomes unbearable. But I also think that 90% of the time, it's self pity and a cry for help. We want people to know that we hurt. That we're angry, we want them to know how MUCH we hurt. The ironic thing is that depression makes anything feel unattainable, too much work, just not enough. And in most people's cases, you really just have to break through that anyway. Connect to another person, do something meaningful. Be willfully optimistic, despite whatever you have going on. Set small goals. Malice just didn't really want to try, that's what made me angry. But I've been there so I can't blame him too much.
Malice asked me a ton of times to be his partner. Sometime she I wonder if I'd have lied to him, if I'd have made him believe that he had someone else that miserable, maybe he'd have hung around long enough to weather whatever autistic nonsense he was going through at the moment *shrug*
Anyway...you don't think there's another autistic dude with family issues who bought Nembutal and liked anime? Rofl. I think that probably describes hundreds of thousands of people on the internet right now. I don't remember him having any kind of disability with his feet. -
2019-03-10 at 12:10 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro Edition
Originally posted by MORALLY SUPERIOR BEING V: A Cat-Girl/Boy Under Every Bed
https://sanctionedsuicide.com/threads/going-to-kill-myself-tommorow.987/
I think it's been established that that particular user wasn't him. The grammar doesn't even sound like him..., i.e. "I would have did it..." -
2019-03-10 at 12:08 AM UTC in Where is the line between being a junkie and not?
Originally posted by GGG Says the guy who drives on roads, shops at grocery stores, and enjoys having consistently running water/electricity.
"western civilization is shit just smoke dope"
You're just another slum retard.
I didn't read this, but yeah. Pretty much that. Even if we pay for it, all of those things exist by someone else's labor. God knows if I had to run pressurized water lines from the ocean to a desalinization plant, to my house, I'd be cursing and shoveling turds out of the toilet bowl every few hours because I didn't consider the fact that the drainage lines need a slight downward gradient to allow them to flow properly....or something.
We take a ton for granted. -
2019-03-09 at 10:26 PM UTC in Where is the line between being a junkie and not?
Originally posted by Narc Who's fault is that? If it weren't for prohibition your nephew would still be alive now, waking up in the morning, having a quick hit before having a shower and some brekkie then starting his day going off to his job or business. Then at the end of the day and weekends prolly coming home to spend some family time chilling with you all or going out with some pals. May have even had a wife and kids of his own. I guess prohibition has robbed your family of a hell of a lot.
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Narc....my dude. I see you rationalizing your drug use so much. Idk what else you have going on, but do you really think your life hasn't been affected? How many years have you been doing this song and dance now? What do you have to show for any of it? I don't say any of this to try to bash you, but I genuinely know how distorted things get when your brain chemistry being normal is dependent on opiates. The things that finally clicked for me, was that it's a complete dead end road. Opiates never "enriched" my life. They just made it so I didn't want to kill myself for a few hours. I always acknowledged the fact that eventually I'd have to kick heroin and get on with my life. But how many more years are you going to put in. Maybe I just didn't have the dedication, but there was no gold watch at year 10, or anywhere thereafter.
I just see you justifying all the time. And it's weird. No one on this site isn't an addict to something or other.
What has society done for you? Well....you have running water, I assume- that's relatively safe to drink. A place to get food so you don't have to chase it down and kill it. A place to live out of the cold. Medical care when a shot misses and goes accessed. Lights to read by and internet to talk to fellow ne'er do wells across the globe.
It's a complete cop out to say that. Everything we take for granted is there because someone else put in the effort. Sitting in my room every day getting high wasn't just me in a "state of nature, maaaaan". The world goes on around us, and the only reason we're still alive is because someone else did that heavy lifting.
Doesn't mean you need to need to need to make some radical change tomorrow, but at least acknowledge that other people are out being productive, while I'd wager the vast majority of long term drug addicts are not. -
2019-03-09 at 10:02 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro Edition
Originally posted by Sudo malice's name was Enrique or something very very brown
I remember he posted his 23and me results and blacked out the part that said sub Saharan African because he was so ashamed. I wish he was still alive and I don't really understand or respect suicide. For some reason my local newspaper is really pushing the assisted suicide agenda and every time someone dies from assisted suicide they give them a whole page of their lives acco.plishments and what they want to say. Makes dying by your own hand seem stupid.
Anyways Malice could have been an interesting case study in the effects of no social interaction and tons of nootropics have on the Guatemalan mind. It would be like Jeannie but nobody gave a shit.
Malice's underachieving was his downfall, in the end he couldn't live with all he'd wasted, in a way a lot of us identify with that, myself definitely included, I've been hearing about it for 20 years. Malice had no support network and his autism alienated him so much he didn't even feel human anymore. I hope he feels more free wherever he is. Probably in purgatory with all the unbaptised kittens.
I realized yesterday that of the last 9 years, only 2 of which I was neither in jail or on house arrest and for 9 months of this I was in a halfway house and for 5 months I was on curfew. I'm so fucking incarcerated it's not funny
By some miracle or grand bookkeeping fuckup, I managed to stay out of jail for any serious length of time, but when I think about all the time.....alll that fucking time....I may as well have been. But that's the trick that even someone with that much intelligence was too immature and stunted to understand. The time actually doesn't mean much. The 9 months in the womb aren't a year wasted. A 30 year old scotch isn't 30 years wasted. The becoming, the being someone better.....it's all worth something. Ideally, spending a decade in prison or as a junkie isn't something everyone should do. But we get so obsessed with these milestones and timelines. It doesn't matter. If you believe you can come out of it, you can. Only sometimes your brain is so fucked up that you have to just live your life on that premise until the time that you even fully believe it. There's a reason people love old salty men and veterans and underdogs. Everyone loves someone's who's been through some shit and survived.
Idk. -
2019-03-09 at 9:54 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro Edition
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2019-03-09 at 9:46 PM UTC in Best heroin you've ever gotten...
Originally posted by inert_observer did you really do that? i've heard people say shit like that but never done that myself/seen anyone else do it. well once this dude tried to rip me off by giving me some pills that weren't what he said they were and i went and found him and just politely asked him to please not fuck around like that and he apologized and actually gave me the real drugs..but i mean usually if i got a subpar bag of whatever i'd just chalk it up to a loss.
Abso fucking lately. I handed those fucking Mexicans minimum 100 dollars a day for 13 years. You bet I called them back. I probably paid for the car they were driving and the place they lived. -
2019-03-09 at 11:48 AM UTC in Best heroin you've ever gotten...
Originally posted by Zanick I've never tried heroin, but I'm surprised that people who do it often recall individual purchases. What qualities make a particular sample memorable for you?
Taste, color, smell. How clean it hits and how fast. What does or doesn't burn up on the foil or in the cooker (clean dope leaves very little residue on a foil, and anything except sugar cut generally gums up in bubbles on the top of the spoon). I did dope long enough though that generally I could just look at it and break off a little piece with my finger, and I would know with like 90% certainty whether it was going to be good or not. Since I smoked it 80% of the time, I was looking for taste/purity over everything else. Some of my friends would cook up a charcoal briquette if it got them fucked up, but if it had a bunch of dogshit cut in it, I'd immediately call the connect back and tell him I wanted my mo eye back, -
2019-03-09 at 11:42 AM UTC in Best heroin you've ever gotten...Tar in LA is scary good. That and the fact that tar is so much harder to cut and be subtle about it. Any high school dropout can stir some soda into a ziplock baggie, which means chances of you getting powder that hasn't been fucked with is virtually zero.
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2019-03-09 at 9:52 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro EditionLANNY ENOUGH WITH THE WORD ENHANCEMENTS I AM A MAN OF PEACE BUT I SWear to CHRIST I Will HUNT YOU DOWN AND FUCK A HOLE IN YOUR STILL BEATING HEART IF YOU DONT FIX THIS shit
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2019-03-09 at 9:50 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro EditionI feel like being immortalized by a shitty megathread in a shitty little scumpond forum in the endless expanse of empty space and gossip columns and staged stepsibling porn that is the internet- is a fitting tribute to Mal.
Bukowski would've gotten along fine here, I think, Just started reading Ham on Rye. Chuck doesnt seem like a genius by any stretch of the imagination, but he had an uncanny ability to condense a fucktons of meaning into everyday, very utilitarian, terse diction.
I always got very pissed off that I spent a decade plus of scumfuckery with no art to show for it. I assumed living in cars and shooting dope and living with tweakers and whores, and then moving back home and eating acid and snorting fentanyl and planning to kill myself....somewhere along the way I'd manufacture some earthshaking, serious literary explosive. But all it does it makes you angry and mean and jaded. An animal doesn't have time for art.
I lel''d at a joke I kinda wrote in my head today.
"I always relished being the bad guy. Always exceptional, but not enough to excel, I always found it easier to do the things other people were too afraid to do. It cost you a lot of opportunities, but it afforded you a strange sort of respect. If you couldn't win them over with good looks or wit, or athleticism, or a cock big enough to scare off the most ambitious of whores...at least the fear was nice.
So I made it my business to take note of just about everything I was supposed to do, and make an honest effort of doing the very opposite."
School advisor: "....and if nothing else, you're going to want to just keep a couple thousand dollars in a high yield savings account, and just never touch it. Build credit early. Finish a degree in anything..."
Me: *sitting naked in a stolen Oldsmobile, covered in blood and broken glass, smoking bufo toad venom with a blowtorch* PLEASE CONTINUE, MR. SHEVLIN... -
2019-03-09 at 9:30 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro Edition
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2019-03-09 at 5:11 AM UTC in Where is the line between being a junkie and not?
Originally posted by Lanny Obviously not everyone who's ever used opiates qualifies as a "junkie" but in particular separates junkies from others in your mind? We've had and have plenty of opiate users here, most of us have probably known some in real life, one striking thing about the "junkie" label is that no matter how seriously addicted a person is or how many problems their addiction causes them, I've never seen someone seriously describe themselves as a junkie. There's always some thing that junkies do that they don't which separates them.
So what is it to you that makes someone a junkie vs. not?
Junkies don't describe themselves as junkies? Does the fact that I repeatedly refer to myself as a junkie mean I'm not?
My mom will be so happy to hear this. -
2019-03-09 at 5:08 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro Edition
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2019-03-08 at 6:28 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro EditionMeth and heroin
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2019-03-08 at 5:56 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: I'm Leaving Forever EditionContribution.
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2019-03-08 at 5:55 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro EditionNot to shit on anyone else's thread, but seemed appropriate
In his honor, please observe a moment of silence before you bang the goofball into your dick vein.
As promised, heres the report and a couple of the emails he sent a couple years back, with what ended up being his real name.
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1O3Cg7h_impycjD9e7gCvgjbetFH0_EhL?usp=sharing
RIP Justin Alexis Hernandez aka Malice aka Catfucker (April 16th, 1990- June 15th, 2018)
