Originally posted by Kafka
Gonna flip a coin if I should go back to him
At least do tarot cards.
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.ionicframework.tarot371308&hl=en_IE&gl=US
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Poached.
With hollandaise sauce.
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if one of u fucks upn lets kafka post last im never coming back
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2022-03-04 at 8:35 PM UTC
in
Grief
Originally posted by Sudo
Yeah that's definitely not healthy. My baby moms cousin has a shrine to her grandmother that is weird and haunted. Her son went to it at barely the age of 2 and kept saying "nanny nanny" after never meeting her. Went to the graveyard she was buried in too and of all Graves ran right to hers and sat right on it. Something else weird with them too I forget
i dunno. the japanese have the tamaya/butsudan. keeping a household shrine for your dead family is arguably quite normal for humans (generally), it's just maybe a bit out of touch with western socioreligious practices. nothing about what OP said comes across as particularly bad or unhealthy except that she feels it's become obsessive. the actions themselves seem fine tho - just the... fervor... might be unhealthy. 🤷
when my parents die i might keep a small shrine to them, to remember them by. been thinking about it more lately. i dunno.
edit: the hair dyeing thing is probably the most weird thing you've done, OP. weird coping mechanism, but it's not
that weird really. our parents dying probably *should* fuck us up and make us do weird shit to cope. the fact that you've gotten a bit weird is, ironically, normal?
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2022-03-04 at 8:22 PM UTC
in
Grief
My mother (when she had a brain) fancied herself as a Medium.
Storytime:
My grandparents house was very old and creepy, when I was a kid it was scaring walking around it. My mom told us about her childhood in the house where they saw ghosts and oddities all the time.
A couple of incidents she related:
Her bedroom was a hive of activity of a poltergeist nature...the family would be downstairs and they'd be hearing the furniture moving around up in her room, upon inspecting the bed, drawers, wardrobe etc would be moved/on it's side/thrown around the room...this was apparently a regular thing.
Another one she claimed was six ghostly pallbearers in old 18th/19th century clothing would enter through one wall, walk across the room and exit through the other wall position as if carrying a coffin but not ghostly coffin was present.
When my grandparents moved out of that house and moved in with us (because they were too old and fucked up to look after themselves) my mom and her friends held a seance in the empty house...naturally me and my brother showed up with chains and making "woooo!" noises through the letterbox but they soon chased us off.
Anyway they put a cassette recorder in one of the "active" rooms and left it there for a couple of hours..while they did their "thing" in another room..not much happened apparently but when they listened to the tape a piano could be heard playing and children singing.
...as a side note to this when I was a young fella me lad my mom said "I had the gift" because I take after my moms side. About age 7 we moved into an equally creepy house and I got the scary room as my bedroom. for about a year or more I would suffer terrible nightmares and wake up screaming in the night and when my mom asked me what I saw/dreamed I'd tell her there was a boy hanging from a hook on the back of my bedroom door who would talk shit to me.
I didn't think anything of that for years until many years later when I was in my 40s (and again while she still had a brain) I said "do you remember those bad dreams I used to get as a kid"...she replied (first time me hearing it!)
"I know...me and your dad was really scared at the time, the previous owner of the house was an old woman and she used to do illegal abortions in your bedroom so we were thinking you were connecting with some of the dead spirits"
Wow thanks mom and dad, give me the gateway to hell room and then wonder why I wet the bed.
ETA: the grand parents house is also where an incident with me "allegedly" occurred..when I was a baby I was in my pram in the back room and a globe of ball lightening came through the window (melting a hole), went to my pram and rotated around the handle several times and then shot across the room into a wall outlet and exploded.
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For no reason here is a picture of Chootie sleeping with Calida
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2022-03-04 at 4:50 PM UTC
in
Grief
Originally posted by Kafka
Do you believe in ghosts?
it's hard to tell which ones are telling the truth.
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2022-03-04 at 4:48 PM UTC
in
Grief
Sudo
Black Hole
[my hereto riemannian peach]
Originally posted by Kafka
Like he can’t be completely dead if I have his traits and now I’m focused on those.
This is where that behavior van he cathartic, but you're not the same person, you're part of the bloodline and you can be as different from him as you want and not be desecration his memory
I don't know your dad so I can't speak to what he would say or do but its difficult for you to do so as well. We tend to lionize people after they pass and hold them in infallible esteem because their story has already been written and they can't do anything to change that
I'm sure though that he would want you to do whatever makes uou happy and whatever is truest to your character. Maybe working on that will allow him to work through you better without th3 obsession with superficial trivialities like hair.
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Burning things intentionally just to say the words Mariea calander and making aldra acknowledge me first thing in husb my ienubt his morning. Timtok
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I dont really dream anymore. Something to do with my fucked brain chemistry i think. Last one i had a couple months ago, i had a family. wife son and daughter. It felt like a lifetime. I felt loved and needed and content. I was making forts for them out of sofa cushions. Barbecues. Watching movies in the dark with my wife. Halloween costumes for the kids. Taking pictures of them with goofy lil missing teeth. First dances. I could see them growing up.Then one day they just disappeared and the whole house was empty and everything was cardboard and plastic cutouts like a cheap movie set. I ran through the neighborhood trying to find them and knocking on doors but the houses were all empty and full of sand. Sand falling in through the roofs and making its way through cracks in the windows. And then i looked up and i was in this ghost town, city half buried like an old skeleton in the desert. I was all alone. I started choking on the sand as it rose above my lips. When i woke up I was crying and the feeling of loss was really fucked up and palpable.
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2022-02-28 at 9:37 AM UTC
in
Portals
Watch it.
Yeah the world is shit these days, and its only guna get worse before it gets better.
My friend and i ate about 300ug each and it made sense to me that we should enter this graveyard near my place while it was still dark. My friend was concerned about evil entities but i assured him that there was none in there.
So we went in. I was walking in front of my friend and almost walked into a tree because it was so dark.
I looked down at the ground and noticed an object of unknown origin that appeared to be transforming itself. I heard myself say what the fuck? and then tried to crouch to get a closer look. At this exact moment my friend grabbed my shoulder, turned me around, said lets get the fuck outa here!, and dragged me through what appeared to be a wall of interdimensional stuff. It was colourless and transparent but still completely visible.
I'm not sure if i went through to somewhere and then he dragged me out. Or if i was where i've always been, and then he dragged me somewhere else.
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2022-02-27 at 6:19 PM UTC
in
Rant
Originally posted by Kafka
Do you go to church?
Occassionally. I went with my mother and aunty not so long ago. I find it peaceful but I don't enjoy the singing parts. There's something about the smell in churches and the silence I like also.
I dunno, I'm weird like that.
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2022-02-27 at 6:04 PM UTC
in
Rant
Originally posted by Solstice
I always found the concept of confession kind of strange because how could a person have the right to forgive you in the name of God? I feel like if a person is religious they should be comfortable making those amends to their god themselves without needing a middle man.
I've found it somewhat cathartic when I have done it in the past. Like a brand new slate ready to be covered in Cocaine & regret.
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I’m looking at you, as you’re looking at me.
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OT- massive heroin overdose, snuggled on the sofa with someone who loves me.
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I want to ride a bomb down to the ground in an airstrike.
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Think everyone is on the spectrum to some degree.
I'm just brain damaged from years alcohol/ cocaine abuse.
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2022-02-26 at 4:07 PM UTC
in
Rant
Originally posted by Kafka
I can't be bothered looking through all the messages but it was about me not understanding trolling. Ring a bell?
Not really. But I’m not always of sound mind when I’m on here & talk a lot of shit. 😜 It’s kind of weird & flattering that I’m in u guys DMs. Maybe he should pay me some of his millions for all the space I take up in his head. 😂
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