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Posts by CASPER
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2018-12-08 at 5:07 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs AttentionMorning family
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2018-12-08 at 2:33 AM UTC in People who think cigarettes are a part of themI mean I guess I kinda understand. Pretty much the whole reason I started using drugs and selling them in my teens was because I was so introverted, with no personality to speak of. It just became my "thing". There's this lame American identification with drugs as "counter culture". So in the absence of tattoos or particular interest in a particular music scene, or athletic ability or particularly good looks or charisma, I joined Team Junkie. Because as of course, as anyone whos ever used opiates can tell you, doing hard drugs makes you just as magnetic and personable and epic as all the dead idols who croaked with needles in their arms. Extr cool points for needle drugs. And for the few years I smoked, I opened and closed my old Vietnam era zippo lighter almost compulsively. I get why shitty, sad people get attached to things like that. I don't, however, understand how they get sucked in to the degree you described.
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2018-12-08 at 1:55 AM UTC in TFW You Realize EVERYONE On Here is an Alt (Solipsism-maxxing)
Originally posted by Gayesian Priors I'm just using them like usertitles now.
Yeah but then I have to figure out who you are all over again, and get all butt sad when I don't see Cap for a month....until I see a post that sounds enough like you to figure out that your scheming paki as soon has hoodwinked me AGAIN. -
2018-12-07 at 9:32 PM UTC in WhipitsNitrous is also one of the few things that made me not want to do heroin. Fun fact.
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2018-12-07 at 9:04 PM UTC in TFW You Realize EVERYONE On Here is an Alt (Solipsism-maxxing)I've never seen the appeal of an alt. I already feel like I spend too much time here. Lol
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2018-12-07 at 8:56 PM UTC in How are you feeling at the moment..
Originally posted by GGG I recently had my guy's guy tell me about his guy getting his truck robbed at gun point.
I googled it later and I'm PRETTY SURE I found out where this happened due to details I won't disclose here, but man that shit is scary.
Being a dealer is fucking retarded. I mean I can't say I don't appreciate the risk they take, but holy shit is it dumb just for some money. People have lost their lives doing this kind of thing. The only safe type of dealer is to sell eigths to white suburbanites.
Even those white suburbanites will try some shit when they get desperate. And I always worried about them doing a controlled buy and stuff, if I didn't hear from them for a few days. -
2018-12-07 at 3:51 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs AttentionYeah seems like a cotton ball would trap most stuff. Panny talked me into butt slamming some tar once, but the burning was so intense on my ravaged butthole that I immediately started shitting myself within a couple of minutes. Like imagine a Tabasco enema. That's what it's like.
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2018-12-07 at 1:05 AM UTC in Whipits
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2018-12-07 at 1:02 AM UTC in What's that fucking shitHuman finished jacking off, saw Sam and bob and violently throat raped them ( or at least as nearly as what we would identify as a "throat" ) into oblivion.
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2018-12-06 at 5:25 PM UTC in Whipits
Originally posted by Ughhu Ok so sounds like I’ll give it a try. I’ll let erbody know how it goes later this week.
Only thing you need to remember is 50/50. I usually take half my breath of nitrous, and then suck in as much air as I can until my lungs are comfortably full. Hold for 7-10 seconds, then lay down and start prepping another charger while my body melts into the cushions and slowly spins in space like a rotisserie chicken -
2018-12-06 at 5:19 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs AttentionWhen it gets to that point , generally one in five people die, and the longer they stay like that, the percentages go up. But it can really be from anything. I've heard of people who died from a septic cat scratch bc it has some nasty bacteria in it. Of course me, I was like "I'm sure it'll go away eventually". Unfortunately, it's going to become more and more common as strains become resistant and we run out of shit to kill them with.
Anyway. How y'all niggas be? -
2018-12-06 at 5:12 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs Attention
Originally posted by Lanny np brah, when I was told that I, the son of god, was going to adjudicate over the shits of man I was a bit upset. But now I see how rewarding it is.
Yeah I mean if it was between this and redoing the whole bit on Calvary, I think pops set you up with a pretty sweet gig. Between your move to the tech sector and the de-emphasis of the church to give you a bit more free time, seems like it's a good time to be JC. -
2018-12-06 at 5:06 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs Attention
Originally posted by mmQ What does it mean to be septic? Im not gonna look it up. I know what a septic tank is like it's a shit tank? So…????
"hey wanna hang out later?"
"no, I'm septic"
"you're?… Shit?"
"I don't know. Yes"
Am I close? Septic ass bitch motherfucker
It's just when bacteria gets into your bloodstream somehow. Occurs a lot in people with gunshot wounds to the gut/abdomen. Pictures wouldn't really show anything since there's nothing actually to show. It might be secondary to a nasty, oozing wound on the leg, but the real damage comes when that bacteria gets into the body and starts going to work on every other organ. -
2018-12-06 at 8:45 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs AttentionOh thank you Jesus.
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2018-12-06 at 7:34 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs Attention
Originally posted by hydromorphone When I was septic from my infection, oh my fucking God… The shakes were the fucking worst. I definitely was delious at some point, but not delious enough not to cop the small vile of morphine the nurse left next to the stretcher I was on. I believe it was a 5ml vile 1mg/ml and the doctor ordered 2mg- that extra emg did nothing, but I'll be damned if I didn't try.
I really look back and realize how in and fucking out of it I was at times. Fuck, I sure didn't realize it at the time, which is kinda scary tbh. I begged 1337 just to tell me everything would be okay when I'd be shaking with fever and chills.
At one point, there was just this… Idk.. Almost euphoria? That overcame me. I wasn't in pain, and I felt really light, I felt really delicate, and brittle too, which is the only way I can describe it. It almost reminded me of the first time I over did it with Opiates (not a near death of, but one where you're high as fuck, having trouble functioning properly, maybe even a bit nauseous if you move)… I think I was pretty close to breakin' on through to the other side when that happened. Pisses me off I was so close, but didn't get over the hump,and now I'm still here suffering… *sigh* I was almost there…
But unlike §m£ÂgØL said I would, I did stick to my guns about taking blood transfusions, and argued daily with nigger nurses, doctors, and other hospital staff about being a DNR/DNI. Everyone gives me shit about being 29 and being a DNR, like somehow my age really matters. If it's my time to go, I'm ready. I don't want no niggers trying to bring me back. My luck I'd be all brain damaged and a vegetable or some shit anyway.
My sepsis definitely didn't come with anything near euphoria. Just my heart pounding in my throat and behind my eyes that it sounded like someone was scooping gravel next to my head on the pillow. Shaking and gut wrenching dry heaves. I'm just going to give thanks to the universe that I don't feel that bad again yet. But when I really think about it, I am in fucked health. Apparently thyroid can do this too, and Hashimotos has a marked effect on declining mental acuity like I was talking about with Juice the other day. I feel bad because I go into late work all the time and lay in bed most of the day or watching YouTube or reading, but the gods honest truth is I feel fucking awful most days. But having been through some stuff, I'm grateful when I even feel okay....which coincidentally makes me a lot less likely to seek medical attention. No one believes me when I say I've only seen a doctor once in my life, and I've never been to a dentist. It was just a very different way of growing up. If something was wrong with you, you prayed about it until it went away. And if it didn't go away, most people just died, but of course that was only the "body" dying. For 16 years I had a woman next to me in church who has Parkinson's so bad she couldn't even cold the pencil to make out her check for the collection plate. If there was ever something serious wrong with you, the scripture said you "could" seen medical attention, but even the mere mention of it usually just got you a reminder that you'd be giving up on god and bowing to the devil. -
2018-12-06 at 5:09 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs AttentionDARE would've done a lot better job convincing us not to do drugs if they just gave clinically accurate information instead of all the scare tactics. "Weed will make you steal from your parents, and ecstasy makes holes in your brain. After a week of use, you'd cut your own mothers threat for a line of cocaine...."
Versus:
Opiates can seem fun at first. But eventually your body gets used to them, which can happen in as little as 2 weeks of continuous use. After that, when you don't have them, you go into what's called withdrawals. At which point your whole body feels like it's breaking, you get weak and nauseous, vomit and often shit yourself. Hot and cold sweats. Sore, restless muscles. And even if you keep enough opiates around to stay high, eventually they will wreck your butthole. Literally. *Boots up slide projector* -
2018-12-06 at 5:02 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs AttentionOkay so I've taken 6 different laxatives. Either I'll finally get some relief or I'll get a lulzy, probably excruciating death. At this point I'm kind and willing to roll the dice. But the obstruction I had last time was the single most horrible illness I've had to deal with. At least the month long 105 degree fever and heroin withdrawal, I was able to get high and sleep part of the day. But that 31 days nightmare, every day felt like I was ready to split open. Couldn't sleep lying down bc of the pan, so I only slept an hour or two a night. Crazy stomach spasms. Eventually went septic and heard voices screaming at me in the dark. Whole body was shaking and started having palpitations. I can't articulate how badly being raised in fringe faith healing religions just fucks you up mentally.
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2018-12-05 at 1:48 PM UTC in My Dungeons & Dragons characterI've never played or filled out a character sheet, but I toyed with the idea of a character named Dirge who was an elder student in a monastic sect that mortified the flesh to gain enlightenment. As a boy he lived on a highland farm with his family. One night drunken bandits attack his household, and the sadistic leader (insert cool name here) takes a strange liking to the boy and makes him an offer- he will leave the family unharmed, and with a bag of gold enough to last them a year....if he would simply keep his mouth shut. And then proceeds to hold the boys arm over a torch. His father is eviscerated. One by one his family is slaughtered and raped as he Cried out, unable to deal with the various tortures. He is left broken and alone, in the farmhouse with the rotting bodies of his family, until he is discovered by a traveler. he seeks out the order to master his body and mind, and reconcile suffering and the shame of having failed those he loves. Chaotic good. These years later, he sees the bandit who murdered his family simply as an extension of fate, and a teacher in a sense. And rather than vengeance, he sees it as his place to either redeem this man, die himself, or kill him in service of balance.
He'd be large like me, with scarification scars all over his body, that makes him especially resistant to damage. 3 large ring piercings in each side of his back have a ball and chain interlaced through, terminating with the heavy ball weight. These are often wound around the biceps and forearm for mobility, but generally are worn dragging behind them, as a reminder of their burden. From his waist hangs a small metal censer that he can use to burn different psychoactive plants that can either buff himself or the party, or weaken, mind control and terrify enemies.In my mind, he,d be a sort of alt-tank. Capable of dealing serious damage, but also can support by using certain spells/perception/healing, etc. -
2018-12-05 at 1:30 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs Attention
Originally posted by Jυicebox I'm about 90% sure it's my destiny to die early. There's no other explanation.
No matter how well things are going for me, my mental state continues to worsen
I know how this feels. I used to be a motherfucking genius before I started doing drugs seven years ago. Now, I can't even finish a sentence without making a fool of myself
Not to mention the fact that if there is anything in my path of travel I WILL trip over it
I'm always torn between "I've ruined all that I may have been able to accomplish"
and
"It's my destiny to commit suicide to punish my family for their wrongdoing"
After all, "everything happens for a reason," right?
You and me both.
I hope you feel better. Really.
I feel kinda exactly the same way. But dying early or suicide just seems more like a logical conclusion of my life at this point rather than some melodramatic end to an unremarkable life. I mean I've felt better sometimes on mushrooms and stuff, but it's probably safe to say that our bran chemistry is fucked. But neuroplqsticity and all that, it'd almost certainly improve with proper lifestyle...just who knows to what degree. I just feel like I'm just waking in circles. It's like Groundhog Day, reliving the same thing over and over again. I wish someone would've really impressed upon me how quickly things happen, and how you set the pace for your life. It feels like 6 months ago that I was sitting at a bonfire at the beach with friends and everything just WAS. Everything felt free and open and unchallenging. Everything was right there at that moment. And now i just feel off....
The truest thing I can say about my life's experience, is that as long as I can remember, I've felt like the walking memory of an old man on his death bed, looking back on his life with regret. Even that,I'm sure I stole from a movie. But when I heard it, it was the most clear articulation of my mind that I could possibly muster.
Anyway always feel free to message me if you feel like it. God knows I ain't got shit going on. Then again, if you're as like me as I think you are, most of the time you probably can't think of anything to say, and writing anything to anyone feels like too much work. *shrug* -
2018-12-05 at 1:20 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs AttentionMaybe it's just something like God, that the mind creates to create calm and acceptance. In most ways I think I'm better than I was, but that's just growing up. Maybe that's just another thing I've told myself to give the last 13 years purpose. But it's Been so long, I don't even remember what I t's like not to live like an animal. I don't start things. Starting a thing means I have to cultivate it, make it better. What if I fail? What if I waste time? I mean even a thread is too much of a commitment. If i lived any place and in any time where I had to actually fight to exist, it think I'd just waste away in a corner somewhere. I always fancied myself on the more intellectual end of the spectrum of intelligence, but some of you tracked out freaks make me look like a drooling idiot. I wanted to be a writer, but I've never written anything. I had drawers and drawers full of notebooks crammed with poems and stories and couplets that I never bothered to flesh out or finish. I "wanted" to be a musician . Not particularly a famous one, but just someone who gave people music. Seemed like a noble calling. Never bothered to learn an instrument or get voice training. Wanted to travel and meet people all over the world, have adventures. I've never gone anywhere. Haven't even left the country. I don't know what it is. I've just kind of always felt like this. I don't know wtf it is.
