I've got underwear that look like an elephant. You don't stand a chance,
Heather probably knows fire dancing
Rizzo and I are going to get some expensive clothes, rent a car for a month, get fitted for ironic grills, and start building our brand. Well have to do the desert festival circuit, but the years of rumored drug use will lend "authenticity" to our "core brand values" and within a year, we will be the newest EDM sensation. With a midi pad stolen out of someone's car, a cracked copy of ableton that no one ever bothered to learn how to use, and a whole van load of amyl nitrate..... a legend is born.
I mean we really should just take time to be grateful. Not vain... But just appreciate the genetic lottery you've won.
There are probably millions of men out there who would kill to be a broad shouldered, funny, intelligent, insightful, tall, hardy, stout-cocked Viking war chief like yours truly.
If I lost 60 lb, had some clothes tailored and took my dads last name, I could probably convince some people I'm going to inherit his money and start slangin shot glasses of my baby gravy for $20 a pop.
Why the fuck do pretty thicc girls buzz their hair? it makes them look like some kinda lipstick lamp genie.
Lobbing softboi laser beams at some biddies. Said she was like an old song I heard one summer and never could figure out the words to... and her lips, like that melody just stayed stuck in my head. And that in every bar and the concession line at every concert, every holiday party and coffee shot, every boarding line...I was looking for someone like her. And then I realized how stupid it was to be looking for someone like someone who was always there. Offered to kill the spider in the bathroom, eat her out and then leave a pan of fresh blueberry muffins on the stove.
I need to grow a man bun and learn to play banjo.
I looked in the mirror, and realized I might actually be decent looking if I got my shit together. Feels good man.
Let's all do Pilates and hang potted plants from our taints to help open our balloon knot chakras
I haven't been offered nudes yet, but if they're inspirational in nature, I'm all for it
Ol spooky stomach at it again
But compulsive eating is just another facet of addiction too. When I stopped doing drugs at the batshit insane amounts I was doing 2 years ago... I was just eating constantly. I noticed my cat doing the same thing when she gets bored, and realized it's something really deep seeded. When you're not feeling well, you seek out things that make you feel a good feeling more compulsively.
So yeah that's kinda next step.
It's so weird looking at the few rare pics of me from high school. I was so sure I fat fat and disgusting, but I was actually in decent shape. The media makes so much off all the pressure we put on women, and the body image issues they develop. It's like...bitch everyone s like that.
I have to figure out how not to make food good.
Some customer at work the other day was trying to get me to do cross fit. 6'7" 350... I would be a fucking animal if I even got into like 6 years ago shape, and got my cardio up. I'd enjoy that.
I actually put up that thing i wrote in this thread the other night- copied, pasted to Tinder. I got like 6 matches since i threw it up around 1pm. Which is like 3x the amount i ever got before.
Of course im too nervous to talk to most of them, but...its cool how positive energy (or maybe just self deprecating humor) draws people to you, even through the internet.
All week people have been telling me that I look better, and ask if i started working out. I said "Nah i just smashed a bag of Pepperidge farms cookies like 45 min ago." Like im so fucking confused right now, i have no words.
2 co-workers- boyfriend and girlfriend- had their last day at work today. Theyre moving into their first apartment together in vegas. So i kinda spilled my guts about all the stuff id kind of talked my way around for the last year and a half. We ate ribs and then drank tall boys and smoked blunts. I bestowed my wisdom and got really deep. And when everyone went inside, the girl gave me a hug and got kinda teary eyed, said to promise to take care of myself, and that when i talked about the stuff about my dad, thats the same way she felt growing up without a father.
The only way I could articulate it was that in day to day life, we try hard not to invade other peoples bubbles. Not to puncture that barrier with anything to personal or prying. But when you just act like an absolute blissed out shizophrenic and have a human moment with someone youve never really "talked" with before, its amazing how many people seem to be looking for that exact type of connection.
