Yall bitches catty.
This is why Hillary lost.
I get laid so Infrequently that my vital juices have diverted all power to brain function. Like an overclocked CPU, my brain/dick matrix is running at an optimal 18.3GHz.
Usually I'm good with that until I smoke. Then I'm all loosey-goosey from the weed and end up doing something that hurts for the next week.
No I did like 3 sets of 8 barbell curls at 45lbs, cheating half the time, and managed to throw my back out in 15 min. = my current level of fitness lol.
2019-03-24 at 11:31 AM UTC
in
Benefits of being a girl
Not getting jumped/ shot first during an altercation.
Cannot count the number of times I'd be at a party and something would happen between one of the girls I was with and someone else, and I'd step in and try to be cool dad and tell everyone to stfu youre killing my vibe and then all of a sudden someone is trying to hit me with a shovel.
I don't think I was overdoing it. Lol
@dtf That was a joke profile I created for a part of my comedy routine. And it's also like 17% accurate.
@ tech I knoooooow. I verified I'm old and messed my back up working out on Friday. So yesterday I was in bed half the day and now I can't get to sleep.
Heroin always made bedtime so easy. Gotta give it that. Opiates are an incredible tool for a fucked up sleep cycle. Lol.
Wtf are you still doing awake, miss? You're going to be late for church.
In Los Angeles, only the rebels do. Everyone else does SoulCycle and drinks green shit.
Yeah not really big on smokes anymore. Only time I smoke is at the bar to look cool.
These days just hit the fifty nic vape pen son.
Jk nicotine is a shit tier drug.
Anyway someone was asking about the standup stuff. I had a few things written for my Tinder profiles, since the only time ive created a profile, its been to be as stupid as possible.
First and formost- I respect the fuck out of bitches. My grandma always said its better to give than receive (which sounds like some BS to me), so since i like gettin my knob gobbled, i will wear your thighs like a set of knockoff Beats by Dre, and go to town on that snatch like the last half melted pint of Ben and Jerrys on Doomsday.
I am very tall and when i get nervous, i sweat profusely. So when you pick me up, its nbd but you should probably put a towel down on the passengers seat. Take it as a compliment bc if im not glistening and breathing heavily from my mouth, I most likely do not find you sexually desireable, and will hitchhike home as soon as you pay the bill at wherever we happen to be dining.
I dont have any gym pics bc the last time i was in the gym, the flip phones only had like .5 megapixels, and you couldnt really peep my bulge or muscle definition. Lately the healthiest thing i did was switch to light cigarettes. Dr. Oz scared the fuck outta me the other day, talkin some bullshit so I had grandma swoop me up a Wendy's salad. It was alright i guess but honestly I think I might have an allergy to lettuce or etamommy cuz that stuff gave me hella gas pains.
Also- I hope to find a mate that shares my entrepreneurial spirits. My uncle basically got me in on the ground floor of his company that distributes health supplements and motivational posters to increase motivation in addition to vitality/connecticut energy. And if for some reason you want a life of luxury and prosperity- for every person you sign up, you get a $20 Subway card and $15% off your next order. Personally im only a Silver Level associate right now, and with my investments, liquid assets are pretty slim but if you could float me like $1200, I can pay you back plus interest once my disability check and frivolous lawsuit comes to fruitation.
My guiding philosophy is pretty much:
1. Fight Club
2.Dont cry
3.Self improvement
4.Vengeance and/or Justice
5.Chemtrails (?)
6.2nd Commandment activism
7.Samosa- aka Reincarnation
8.Real Titties and/or Tastefully Done Fakies im not a hater
9. NO REGERTS
10.Poverty
11.The laughter of children
12.Ayahuasca/ Ego Death
13.Stretch Waistbands
14.Spoken Word Poetry
15.Honesty
16. Stop Snitchin'
17. Batman But In Real Life
18. Commercials Wit Smelly Lookin cats n Dogs
19.Living in an RV for Spiritual Reasons: Not Only to Smoke Meth
20.Being the Life of the Party at High School Parties in Your Late 20's
Etc.
I wish I would e found the handful of cool anime I know now when I was a kid. Would've had a lot more time to appreciate it.
