Lately I’ve been thinking about my low EQ and how it implies the majority of my thoughts could be wrong, and if I should go on thinking/existing knowing that. No one is fully enlightened though so I’m not sure.
I feel so cracked but am almost home now and will try not to buy Monster at the shop
I’m shaking rn and dunno if it’s the lack of sleep or food. Yday I had a wrap and a snickers bar then McDonald’s at 9pm. It’s almost 8am now.
I think the time distortion hypnosis worked because I’m still in a light mood 7 hours later and haven’t done much which means I haven’t tried to kill time.
The state I’ll look like walking into the shop because it’s raining at home, my clothes need washed and people keep staring at me so it must be something bad. I don’t see a major difference in the mirror except my makeup is half there and I must look tired.
2022-10-19 at 4:56 AM UTC
in
Why are you all still here?
I don’t expect you to empathise because you’re a guy, but I care more about my mental well-being than physical. The freedom to make bad decisions is good for my soul. Say I were sent to a psych ward where my physical safety was looked after, well my mental health would decline rapidly. The option to self destruct gives psychological reassurance. Death and rape aren’t bad outcomes if you chose them and death is just going to sleep. Hell exists and it’s on earth, it’s when you don’t have the freedom to hurt yourself and that’s worse than death.
Today I was thinking of Mik and how distant it all seems that I’d talk to him everyday, it doesn’t feel a part of my normal life or I’m blocking the memories already.
I’m running on a 20 min meditation type rest from the hypnosis. I tried doing something productive but have decided to take it easy in case I snap.
This crazy granny just grabbed my shopping bag and when I tried taking it off her saying it was mine she looked inside it and I had to use force. She was eyeing the shopping bag again just now then spent awhile glaring at me I didn’t want to turn around.
A lot of people were staring at me in the city and idk if it’s because I’m ugly, pretty or just foreign. I only really got blacks and Indians approaching me.
This man keeps staring at me wide eyed when he passes me and it’s like he’s trying to step as close to me as I can and I caught him looking back at me. It’s making me self conscious like Ik my mascara is on my eyelids. Hopefully I just remind him of someone he knows
2022-10-19 at 1:32 AM UTC
in
Why are you all still here?
I have to leave other communities because everyone hates me for telling the truth or they get too obsessed with me.
