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Posts by Malice
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2017-12-20 at 10:04 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get Rekt, Faggot!Began feeling mildly manic a few days ago, but then it turned into chronic irritability and worsening insomnia. It took me over 5 fucking hours to fall asleep last night. I'm getting back on the medical MJ ASAP when I get back from the road trip and North Carolina, which I'm not looking forward to. I hate feeling this way and not being able to sleep.
Post last edited by Malice at 2017-12-20T22:08:20.943829+00:00 -
2017-12-20 at 10:03 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get Rekt, Faggot!Why has this place been so slow lately? Are you all actually doing things with your families? I would have thought that with time off work and school it would be busier, given the social tendencies of users here.
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2017-12-20 at 1:12 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get Rekt, Faggot!For fuck's sake, don't bring back that 'didn't read' shit. You don't know me well enough if you think I'm serious, but it's more fun if you pretend I am in a light-hearted manner.
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2017-12-20 at 12:35 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get Rekt, Faggot!
Originally posted by Lanny "Parasite" implies a certain kind of legitimacy to the object of parasitism which I wouldn't agree with. As opposed to a parasite, I prefer to think of myself as a rank and file Nazi solider, participating in and profiting from evil although indirectly and I mean hey, we all gotta eat at the end of the day right? I certainly don't think working in the financial industry is a good thing but it would be pretty hypocritical to say don't do it if you're looking for a high pay-to-effort ratio gig.
Oh yes, aren't we all? Enjoy being ground within the gears of capitalism, your intellect, dignity, your very soul ground up and reconfigured in the way that best makes someone else a dime. Maybe this is good, you'll finally learn to hate the horrifying machine that is western capitalism.
Gotta eat? You make more than enough to get by. Computer programmers seem to have enormous demand and a wide variety of options to choose from. Why didn't you take a lower paying but more fulfilling job? Like nearly everyone on this site, there must be something seriously wrong with you, a profound flaw, pathology. I suspect autistic psychopathy is a strong driver, given the views you espoused and how you never cried at your father's untimely passing, you incredibly destructive force. The leftist views you hold are an attempt at redemption, a method of maintaining a preferable self perception, having been molded by benevolent parents and a leftist cultural environment. I recall you stating that at a younger age you took white nationalism/supremacy seriously and felt that nothing would convince that the self-interested quasi-Randian worldview was incorrect, which was likely your default state. As weed smoker stated, you have an odd form of 'good autism' that is tenuously maintained. Who knows when you'll finally snap and revert to your true form. Given that you seriously considered major sabotage after anger at past and possibly current employers and your position in the financial industry, the skills you possess, you could one day cause widespread destruction, either not fully understanding the critical role and necessity of the financial industry, ruining the lives of countless consumers. The impotence eating away at you inside will soon allow the full bloom of the incredibly destructive force genetic determination has destined you to become! You will doom us all and bring about a financial crisis greater than we have ever seen before! -
2017-12-19 at 1:47 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get Rekt, Faggot!
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2017-12-19 at 12:03 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get Rekt, Faggot!Prolonged α1 and α5-GABAA Receptors Activation Is The Mechanism Of Benzodiazepine Tolerance.
https://www.reddit.com/r/DrugNerds/comments/7kk58h/prolonged_%CE%B11_and_%CE%B15gabaa_receptors_activation_is/?st=jbcv5rnh&sh=ed7a7087
I had a theory about this some time ago after finding a valuable paper that demonstrated that tolerance to the anxiolytic effects didn't occur, mediated largely by the A2 receptor. This led the obvious idea that a highly selective benzo could be safely used long term, which led to my interest in pyrazolam. Couldn't find a good powder source, unfortunately. -
2017-12-18 at 11:55 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get Rekt, Faggot!https://www.reddit.com/r/DrugNerds/comments/7knatu/oxytocin_receptor_gene_variation_predicts/?st=jbcutez4&sh=85c8bafd
Oxytocin receptor gene variation predicts subjective responses to MDMA - anyone else postive for rs53576?
Interesting, I'm A;G, although some other A;Gs in that thread are reporting that MDMA works well for them. I never tried a high enough dose or in the proper setting to really know. -
2017-12-18 at 11:49 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get Rekt, Faggot!
Originally posted by Open Your Mind Has your family asked where you have been and why you left? What did you tell them?
Did you recover your stuff the landlord threw out? Why did he throw out your stuff?
Why did those people want to attack you?
I still don't really understand how you went from living in your own place with government assistance to having to leave your place, lose all your stuff and moving back in with family. What happened? Can you write up a summary?
Not really, he asked surprisingly few questions. It really affected them more than I expected, they really did try looking for me and had me on their minds, or at least pops did. I didn't say much because I'm autistic and have great difficulty conversing after a lifetime of silence and isolating myself. I did tell him I was diagnosed as autistic, along with having psychological problems, and he seems to have accepted that as an excuse for...a great of things that are wrong with me and my life.
Nope, lost everything except my laptop and the clothes I was wearing, along with some cards (debit, ID). Trying to get her to compensate me, I lost about 4K worth of stuff, because I'm pretty sure what she did was illegal, especially if she just threw my firearms in the trash (Lost a nice AR-15 and a CZ something). I did tell her I'd report what she did to the police and pushed the illegality of the firearms issue, so we'll see how it goes. I don't really need the money and nearly everything is replaceable, I really didn't use most things I lost, but I still deserve it (legally) because she had no good reason to do so, she could have at least stacked the most valuable things in the garage in bags or boxes, it would have taken no more effort than throwing them out.
I don't know why they attacked me, it would have been dangerous to ask. I did try to talk about what happened, but they may not have been home and I didn't try again after little effort. He may have just been a violent psychopath.
I'm not sure if I mentioned it, but I did go the psych ward and the way they treated me felt incredibly abusive. It was a fucked up experience. I was afraid of getting killed or seriously injured after I called 911 on them 2 days later because I caught the guy that called someone over the first time on the phone again telling someone to tell me not to run this time. I didn't know what they were planning and didn't want to take that chance. Anyway, I had nowhere to go and didn't have a working smartphone, knew no one I could ask for help, so I checked myself into the hospital and told them I was having thoughts of suicide. The abusive experience at the psych ward along with what happened completely freaked me out so when I managed to talk my way into being released and given a taxi ride to the BART (train) I didn't go through with what I had planned with the mental health workers I had spoken to, going to LA to search for my family, which would have been a terrible idea anyway. The police spoke to me at the station and I was taken back under a diagnosis of psychosis, stayed there for around 9-11 days, which was boring as hell, only made things worse, and the dose of risperidone they gave me made me delirious, which is the exact opposite of what it's generally prescribed for, those incompetent fucks.
Oh, after that I was sent to a mental health crisis housing place, which was pretty laidback and alright, but we weren't allowed to leave without staff, later learned landlord was sending messages to the wrong number, didn't get a ride in time, so that's how she ended up throwing everything away. My lease had already ended because she had recently gotten divorced and was planning to move back in. She did message me on my google voice number, which I still had access to and told me let her know when I'd pick up my things, but after that she must have been sending messages to my cell phone number, which I didn't have access to.
The details of everything really aren't that interesting. It was an unfortunate series of events. -
2017-12-18 at 11:27 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get Rekt, Faggot!My god, forcing me to take a career I wouldn't choose if it weren't for the necessity of my survival, molding and permeating my life to such an extent. What power capital holds over me.
I'm a slave to the all ighty ollar. -
2017-12-18 at 11:22 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get Rekt, Faggot!
Originally posted by Open Your Mind Are you going to get a job and support your family who took you back in after you abandoned them for years or are you just going to go back to living off government assistance as soon as you have the opportunity to do so?
I'm still on government assistance.
I've accepted that I'm autistic and severely mentally ill, along with having asymmetrical (stunted or delayed, in some ways) development, along with personality variables, that led to this outcome.
I think I may genuinely be mildly psychopathic because it's possible my mother may not have that long to live and what naturally comes to mind is that this may be a positive outcome due to being a burden as well as seeing an early death as preferable for most human beings. More of daddy's money for me if there's one less person around to compete for it.
Southern California sucks. I want to go back to the bay area and live on my own. Well, if you live in or near a downtown area it might be alright. At least I found a dispensary with great deals nearby to act as a replacement for Purple Star and help alleviate my sleep problems.
I am planning on studying computer science/programming and aiming for a high paying job like Lanny did because I've accepted that I need to be able to support myself and receive more money. The Lanny route via the financial industry does have its appeal; my previous thoughts on what to do with my life were completely unrealistic given the state I was in. I wonder if Lanny considers himself a parasite, given what he enables, and if therefore I would still be viewed as one as well.
Career goal: High ROI parasitism.
So I'll probably remain on SSI for 4 years and receive a tuition waiver along with a higher acceptance rate status while going to school full time.
Hey, at least I'm planning to get off it and finally do something with my life. I also don't view the financial industry as unequivocally parasitic.
Post last edited by Malice at 2017-12-18T23:25:03.090957+00:00 -
2017-12-18 at 10:43 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get Rekt, Faggot!Hey, someone say something to me.
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2017-12-16 at 1:56 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get Rekt, Faggot!Update: Moved in with my father. Unfortunately they aren't well off. My mother had breast cancer, she's in her 50s, although she's currently fine. I don't know what the remission rate is. After she became ill my father sent my sister to live with her, who took a factory job to help out. My brother later moved in with them. Father's staying in a single room in someone's 3 bedroom 2 bath apartment. Makes enough to get by, we can eat out every day because he likes to avoid using their kitchen. He's working as an electrician and helps out the rest of the family with rent. We're going to see them and drop off a huge 4 wheel drive truck he bought for them for emergencies. That roadtrip is going to be hell for me. Also, my landlord illegally threw away almost everything I own and I lost about $4,000 from that, although I'm trying to get it back.
Still depressed and highly anxious. My life is pretty bad. -
2017-12-03 at 8:19 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get Rekt, Faggot!
Originally posted by benny vader the only way you can redeem yourself is to get your half sister pregnant.
Have you ever meet your half-siblings? Due to heredity there's a chance you may find you're surprisingly similar in certain ways. The bad side is that because you weren't raised together from an early age you may find yourself highly attracted to them (that includes sexually), which could be awkward depending on how you feel about it. Personally, I'd be down with it. -
2017-12-03 at 8:15 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get Rekt, Faggot!Well, may be moving to Pomona CA today with my dad and attend Mt. San Antonio College later on, which doesn't seem bad. It's close enough and convenient. I'd also get a free bus pass, which is nice because I fucking hate driving.
CASPER, do you know anything about the area? Any recommendation for the best dispensary? I'm going to miss Purple Star. I've had serious sleep issues since I entered middle school and need a reserve of the chron to stave off insomnia and sleep deprivation. Better than being dependant on sleeping pills. -
2017-12-03 at 5:53 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get Rekt, Faggot!
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2017-12-03 at 4:53 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get Rekt, Faggot!
Originally posted by RestStop You're not that bad dude. What ever sins you have committed, I've done way worse. Do you plan on reconnecting with siblings/mother as well?
I wanted to move back in with the entire family due to how isolated I've been and how much harm it's done to me, but it seems my parents may have split up while I was gone. Now my siblings and mother are on the east coast. -
2017-12-03 at 4:19 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get Rekt, Faggot!
Originally posted by LegalizeSpiritualDiscovery I can't imagine what it must have felt like not hearing from his own son for nearly a decade. He probably figured you were dead. The emotion from hearing from you must've been overwhelming.
Originally posted by RestStop We're not all socipathic like yourself Malice. Sorry but it had to be said. That aside glad you're making that connection again. Hopefully this will be a step to reintegrating yourself back into relationship and society in general. Take it easy on him M8.
I'm a horrible person and I've had a horrible life. I should never have been born. -
2017-12-03 at 1:43 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Get Rekt, Faggot!Well, just spoke to my father for the first time in 9 years. He's coming to see me tomorrow. Takes surprisingly less time to drive up here than I thought. He wasn't angry like I feared, he said he misses and loves me and sounded like he was tearing up at times. That was surprisingly depressing, guess I'm more human than I thought.
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2017-12-02 at 3:30 AM UTC in Been having nightmaresThe answer is simple. Our bodies are highly complex, developed through eons of evolution, and one of the adaptions that has arisen is that subconsciously it can recognize when something is horribly wrong, one of the effects of which is the manifestation of nightmares.
In this case your stomach cancer has returned. -
2017-12-01 at 9:43 PM UTC in Fuck this earth, the human species should go completely extinct
Originally posted by Issue313 Fucking antinatalists, if they really believed in their shit they'd do something about it.
Like what, not procreate and encourage others not to do so, advance and promote the ideology? Did you have the idea that antinatalists believe in exterminating already existing life? That's certainly one interpretation.
Antinatalists should be opposed to the creation of all life, not merely humans.